Lost in the Fight
by CJtheStoryteller
Summary: After a near-death experience, Donatello is reprimanded by his older brothers for his actions, leaving him to question both his self-worth and his place in a family of more skilled ninjas. As a result, the turtles may find out what life would be like if they lost a brother. **TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition 2016 Winner** - *Cover art by Flaux*
1. Chapter 1 - That Fateful Night

_****TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition 2016 Winner - Most In-Character Donatello (first place), Most In-Character Raphael (first place), Most In-Character Michelangelo (first place), Best Original Character (first place), Most Exciting Action/Adventure (first place), Most Intriguing AU (second place), and Most Intriguing Villain (third place)****_

 _ ***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Special Note: The beautiful cover art for this story was drawn by my absolutely amazing friend, Flaux. The artwork is titled 'A little lost.'**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here is the first chapter of 'Lost in the Fight.' This story is the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle story that I ever wrote and it's still my favorite one that I have written so far. It is also the story that I loosely based 'You're Needed Here Now, Donnie' off of. Just so you know in advance, this story is extremely emotional and it contains some major brotherly angst. It is also a bit more violent than 'YNHND.' Donnie is going to be in for the fight of his life in this one. I don't want to give too much away, so let's just say that there's a reason the story is called 'Lost in the Fight.'**_

 _ **Please favorite/follow/review 'LITF' if you like it.**_ _ **Thank you so much! ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 1 – That Fateful Night**

The New York City winds were particularly brutal this night, chilling him straight to the bone as he stood defenseless against them. He was presently hovering on the edge of a rooftop overlooking a dark alleyway as the frigid gusts continued to blow right through him, sending a shiver racing up and down his spine. Sometimes, being cold-blooded was a curse . . . especially this time of the year. The temperatures at night had taken a steady dive as of late. Granted, they weren't record-breaking lows by any means, but the evenings were noticeably cooler than normal. It was an unwelcome reminder that fall was indeed descending upon them all too soon. It almost felt like snow, which he was so not looking forward to.

He lowered himself into a crouched position, hoping to conserve some of his body heat as he examined the rooftops that outstretched before him. Nothing unusual or noteworthy registered in his field of vision. They had been on patrol for over an hour now and there were no signs of Foot Soldiers out and about, which came as a huge relief.

The Foot Clan, their archenemy Shredder's hoard of Ninjutsu lackeys, had been abnormally active over the past few months and he and his brothers were in desperate need of a night off from combat. Of course, his diehard brothers would never openly admit to that . . . always up for a good fight. He, on the other hand, was more than willing to admit that they needed a break. He couldn't remember the last time that they had returned home from patrol without at least one of them requiring some kind of medical treatment.

Just thinking about first aid suddenly reminded him that they were getting low on adhesive bandages in the infirmary. He made a quick mental note to stop and replenish a few of their medical supplies after patrol. A couple of items were definitely getting too low for his liking.

As if on cue, his head started to pound again, informing him that aspirin should probably go on that shopping list, too.

He gingerly rubbed his left temple where the worst of the throbbing was taking place. He was still dealing with the aftermath of a fairly nasty concussion from the week before, when a couple of enemies had gotten the drop on him while he had been attempting to hack into a mainframe. As a result of the blow to the head, his thoughts had been a little more distracted than usual. Hence the reason he was thinking about adhesive bandages rather than concentrating on patrol.

 _Stay focused. The enemy is a Foot_ , he joked to himself, giggling silently over his bad pun.

Narrowing his eyes into a squint, he once again scanned the nearby buildings for anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing. While that was what he had thought he was hoping for, deep down inside, it made his stomach turn. The overthinking part of his brain couldn't help but to worry over the absence of commotion. It was, in fact, too quiet out there for his comfort and that only fueled his paranoia.

They all knew that the Foot was up to something. Their numbers were steadily increasing and they were getting more and more daring in their efforts, attacking at a far more frequent rate than normal. Just last week, they had even spotted a few of them lurking in the sewers during the daytime.

He let out a heavy, drawn-out breath and tightened his grip on his weapon, just as a precaution. He had always said that it was better to be safe than sorry.

While the lack of activity before him was rather unsettling, it was not nearly as unsettling as the sudden flurry of activity now going on only a few feet behind him.

He cranked his head back over his shoulder and rolled his eyes at the scene that had unfolded to the rear of him. He had been trying his best to block it out for several minutes now, pretending as though it wasn't happening. It had essentially been the mental equivalent of burying one's head in the sand.

Unfortunately, his brothers were growing harder and harder to tune out. He could hear their voices getting louder and he could feel the tension rising in the air.

He really preferred not to get involved in the matter, hoping that if he just ignored it, it might simply blow over. Hoping that nothing would come of it, but that was just wishful thinking on his part. He was smarter than that. A lot smarter than that . . .

He knew better.

 _Something always comes of it._

A fight was imminent.

 _So much for a night off . . ._

The recent increase in engagement with their enemies had all of them on edge. Not that they weren't used to having to constantly watch their shells. After all, they were five-foot-plus talking mutant ninja turtles. They couldn't exactly stroll down the streets of New York without creating a citywide panic or going viral. Their rather peculiar reptilian condition forced them to always be on alert and exist in the shadows, hidden away from society as much as possible. They certainly didn't choose to live in the depths of the city sewers because it was a prime real estate location or a pleasant place to raise a family. And it definitely wasn't on account of the smell. They did so out of necessity. Their very survival depended on them staying out of sight since they weren't all that well-received by humanity. That and they were constantly being hunted by their enemies who wanted nothing more than to see them dead.

Yes, they had always lived on the edge, but lately, things were even more nerve-racking than normal. Shredder's following was growing exponentially and his elite's skills and weaponry were constantly evolving, forcing the small band of brothers to always speculate when their adversary might strike next. With their enemies potentially lurking around every corner and the budding threat that their foes might discover their hidden lair, the tension between the brothers was escalating to newfound heights. As a result, there was definitely dissension forming among the ranks.

It was no real secret that there had always been a great deal of friction between his two oldest brothers, but their oftentimes turbulent relationship had been driven to the brink by the added pressure. The two of them were now at each other's throats more often than not and it was starting to affect everyone's behavior.

"I'm so sick and tired of hearing your self-righteous crap, Fearless!"

"Is that so? Well, I'm sick and tired of wasting my time and my breath trying to get you to stop being so reckless! Your irrational behavior keeps putting us all in danger, Raph!"

"Oh, like you're so freakin' perfect, Splinter Junior! Pinning all of our problems on me just because I don't follow your orders like a good little soldier! Quit pushing me, Leo!"

"Or what, Raph? You'll hurt me? I'd like to see you try."

"Don't tempt me. So help me, I'll make you regret it."

"The only thing I regret is letting you do this to our family for so long."

Hamato Donatello sighed as he watched his older brothers' tempers flare yet again. They both had that standoffish gleam in their eyes. It was only a matter of time before one of them went after the other, and then, the brawl would be on. It would be the third one this week.

Offhand, Donatello could think of at least one hundred twenty-seven more constructive things that he could be doing right now instead of being subjected to witnessing this kind of barbaric behavior. He had dozens of unfinished projects waiting for him back in his lab that certainly weren't going to finish themselves while he was out. His to-do list was already unmanageable and it just kept growing.

Before they had headed out on patrol for the evening, he had just started to work on upgrading the GPS function on their T-phones like Leo had asked him to. Plus, he had been trying to find a way to increase the battery life on the phones, since they didn't always have the luxury of charging their mobile devices when they were on a mission. In addition to making improvements to their phones, he seriously needed to change the oil on the Shellraiser at some point. Oh and he was pretty sure that the serpentine belt also needed to be changed out soon. The last thing that they needed was for the drive belt to break when they were on one of their high-speed pursuits or escapes. His brothers would never let him live something like that down.

 _Well, only if we manage to survive the ordeal . . ._ Donnie mentally groaned before a bunch more things that he should be doing popped into his head. His overactive brain was doing an effective job of temporarily keeping his mind off of his two older brothers' bickering.

There were several upgrades to the lair's surveillance system that needed to be made. He hadn't had a chance to install the new security cameras and sensors that he had acquired yet. Then, there were some repairs that he still had to make on Raph's bike. Although he didn't necessarily consider this a critical task, his fear of his hotheaded brother hurting him for not doing it in a timely manner made it a top priority. He didn't want to get smacked upside the head for taking too long. Even if he was still suffering from the side effects of a concussion, he wasn't so sure that that would stop his most volatile brother from hitting him in the head.

As he winced over the thought of Raph slapping him, his brain just kept right on firing off things that he should have been working on. He remembered that he had promised his younger brother, Mikey, that he would fix the game system that his little brother had accidentally busted in the throes of a victory dance when he had beaten Raph at some stupid video game. Again, not really a critical thing, but Mikey had been whining about it for days now and he was starting to get on Donnie's already frayed nerves.

The volume level from behind Donatello seemed to be rising by several decibels with each passing second, making it suddenly impossible to concentrate on anything other than his two older brothers. His brain could no longer drown the noise out.

 _Ugh! Last I checked, we were supposed to be highly trained ninjas . . ._

From what Donnie had gathered from the many teachings of his father, who just so happened to be a grand master of Ninjutsu, true ninjas were supposed to be calm in the face of danger, able to control their emotions in times of crisis. They were supposed to be stealthy and crafty, capable of adapting to any given situation. They were supposed to be virtually undetectable, like shadows in the night.

Somehow, screaming at someone at the top of one's lungs didn't seem all that ninja-like to him. His brothers were acting more like couple of Neanderthals than ninjas. And if they kept it up, they'd soon have the entire population of New York City descending upon them in addition to the Foot Clan. They may as well have put up a giant billboard that said ' _We Are Here_.'

Irritated beyond belief, Donatello looked back up at his brothers just in time to see Leo jab a foreboding finger into Raph's plastron.

 _Oh that is so not going to end well,_ Donnie thought, doing a facepalm.

Poking temperamental Raph in the chest was like pulling the pin out of a live grenade. An explosion of some sort was bound to follow.

A torrent of curse words poured out of Raphael that would have made even a hardened sailor blush. Raph was just lucky that Master Splinter wasn't around for the tirade. Their strict father wasn't real keen on the usage of foul language and the vile words that Raph had just uttered would have surely resulted in some sort of disciplinary action from the man who had raised them never to speak with disrespect.

Even level-headed and fearless Leonardo seemed momentarily taken aback by the onslaught of swearing. Either that or he was still trying to translate a few of the choice words that Raph had spewed forth. The turtle in red had even thrown in several Japanese expletives during his rant.

After a few deliberative moments, Leo then shifted into a defensive stance with his weapons at ready. Raph did the same, giving Leo his classic 'I dare you to come at me, bro' stare.

 _Five, four, three, two, one . . ._

Donnie counted down in his head and his timing couldn't have been any more perfect. As soon as he finished the word 'one,' the fight was on.

Surprisingly, it was Leo who made the first move for once. A series of angry grunts and the sound of clashing weapons then followed. Mikey did his best to referee the grudge match, serving no actual purpose, but still trying to convince himself that he was somehow being useful.

Donatello just shook his head, not seeing a point in interfering in the skirmish. He wearily looked back over the edge of the building. It was then, from out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse something or someone moving down below. He peered over the side of the apartment complex that he was perched on, narrowing his reddish-brown gaze as he watched for any additional movement.

"Uh, guys . . . I think – " Donatello started, but was quickly cut off by Leo.

"Not now, Donnie," Leo growled, backing away from Raph for a brief moment. The oldest turtle held fast to his katanas as he caught his breath, preparing for the next round. All the while, he kept an intense glare fixed on his red-banded brother.

"Yeah, maybe you can go find an air conditioner on the fritz or something, Nerd Brain," Raph snarled, never once taking his eyes off of his opponent. His expression was that of pure malice as he arrogantly twirled his sais.

Against his better judgment, Donatello stood up and took a few guarded steps towards his two older brothers. He didn't want to get too close to them when they were like this. He had no desire to wind up collateral damage.

"Would you two please stop? There's some – " Donnie started, but was once again cut off mid-sentence.

"Stay out of this, Donatello! This has nothing to do with you!" Leo ordered, not the least bit interested in what his second youngest brother had to say at the moment. The oldest turtle could only focus on Raph. Leo wanted so badly to wipe that smug grin off of his immediate younger brother's face.

"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!" Raph roared coldly, not paying any attention to his genius brother, either. He assumed that Donnie was just trying to play mediator as usual. Trying to get everyone to get along and play nice in the same sandbox. Raph couldn't have cared less about his goody two shoes little brother's lame peacekeeping efforts right about now. He was too blinded by his uncontrollable rage.

The two oldest brothers then resumed their battle of the egos, completely ignoring Donnie's presence, as though he wasn't even there.

 _It's like I'm invisible . . . until they need something or I screw something up._

Donnie sighed and approached the ledge of the building once again. Someone had definitely been down there, but he had now lost sight of them. Whether or not it had been a Foot Soldier, he was not sure. There had only been one being down there as far as he could tell, so even if it was a Foot, it wasn't like he couldn't handle himself. Has _was_ a ninja, after all.

He decided to check it out.

What he didn't realize at the time was that this one bad decision would turn out to be the biggest mistake of his life . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ **Author's Note: I really hope that you enjoyed the first chapter of 'Lost in the Fight.' If you did like it, please favorite/follow/review to let me know. As always, thank you very much for reading! ;) CJ**_


	2. Chapter 2 - A Little Rusty

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here is chapter 2 of 'Lost in the Fight' and it's . . . Monday? Okay, I know that I said that I was going to post this story on Thursdays, but it just didn't feel right not posting something on Monday after posting updates for 'You're Needed Here Now, Donnie' every Monday for so long. So . . . I decided to give all of you a little bonus chapter this week. This is just a one-time thing. The rest of the chapters of this story will be posted on Thursdays from now on and I promise that they will be longer than this chapter. Like I said, this is just a little bonus for old times' sake. =)**_

 _ **I would like to thank everyone who has already taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review the first chapter of 'Lost in the Fight.' I am absolutely thrilled that you are enjoying this story so far and the feedback has been wonderful. Thank you so much!**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review this story if you like it. I really appreciate your support. Thanks, again! ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 2 – A Little Rusty**

Trying to make as little noise as possible, Donatello carefully dropped down onto the horizontal platform of the fire escape, which was affixed to the side of the building that he had been just been standing on top of. Fortunately for him, the wrestling match taking place between his two oldest brothers was helping to cover up any miniscule noises that he may have been unintentionally making as he moved along the fire escape.

He warily scaled down the first set of stairs, glancing through the open steel grates underneath him, in search of any sign of movement below. The alleyway that he was overlooking was unusually dark and cast in heavy shadows, making him wonder how he could have possibly seen anything down there earlier.

The two apartment buildings on each side of the alley that he was currently inspecting were abandoned and most likely condemned, so there were no lights coming from either of the complexes to aid in his search. The only illumination in the narrow passageway was coming from a clouded over quarter moon and the faint glow of the streetlights filtering in from outside of the alleyway, again making him wonder just how accurate his eyesight had been.

 _I was probably just seeing things_ , Donatello thought to himself as he continued to observe nothing. He hadn't noticed or heard any kind of movement since he had begun his descent down the fire escape.

He was starting to feel kind of silly about this whole thing. Odds were that this was just another classic case of him overreacting and letting his paranoia get the better of him. What he had seen was most likely just a combination of his tired eyes and the shadows playing tricks on him. After all, he hadn't exactly been getting a whole lot of sleep as of late. Between having to put in extended patrol shifts and trying to get caught up on his ever-mounting workload, he was averaging a couple hours of sleep a night, tops. It was no wonder he felt as though he was practically dragging himself along at this point.

He internalized an exasperated sigh as he forced himself to concentrate on the task at hand rather than getting lost in his thoughts yet again.

With far less covertness than before, he continued to make his way down the fire escape stairs and platforms.

When he got down to what he figured must have been about the seventh story of the building, he started to seriously contemplate turning back. He was pretty sure that he was just wasting his time and energy chasing down what was probably going to turn out to be nothing more than a stray cat. And if it was indeed a cat, then his baby brother would adamantly insist on taking it home. That was the last thing that they needed right now. Especially considering what Mikey had done to the previous cat that they had 'taken in.' Donnie still shuddered every time that he opened the freezer door to find a mutant feline ice cream blob that had once been April's cat.

Donnie was about to shake his head in disgust over the infamous 'Ice Cream Kitty' incident when a loud, unexpected noise made him nearly jump right out of his shell.

He instantly stopped his forward momentum, holding his breath while he visually scanned the area and listened for the strange noise to repeat itself. When no sound followed, he allowed himself to breathe again, but he remained standing stock still. Not necessarily because he was too scared to move, but because he needed a few more seconds for his heart rate to slow back down to normal levels.

He was about to start moving again when another loud creak howled through the cold night air, causing his heart to start racing once more.

Swallowing thickly, he apprehensively looked down at the rusty railing that he was holding fast to. The building was so old and decrepit, it was a wonder that the fire escape wasn't making more noise than it was. Actually, the building was so old and decrepit, it was a wonder that the fire escape was still standing at all.

Based off of his observations, Donnie quickly surmised that the creaking noise was simply the result of the fierce winds lashing against the loose railing of the dilapidated platform that he was presently standing on. With that mystery solved, he decided to continue on with his investigation, although he proceeded with far more caution than before. He now had major doubts about the stability of the structure that he was on.

As he continued further down the fire escape, he could hear the sounds of his two older brothers still sparring above him, seemingly not missing a beat in his absence. They probably hadn't even noticed that he was missing yet. They were too caught up in their ridiculous superiority contest.

He rolled his eyes for about the fiftieth that night.

Leo and Raph were acting like a couple of meatheads. The enemy could have easily been surrounding them the whole time that they had been fighting up there and they would have been completely oblivious to it.

 _Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the future of Ninjutsu,_ Donnie sarcastically groaned in his head.

His brothers' lowbrow behavior was totally embarrassing. In fact, it was so embarrassing that if the enemy were to show up right now, Donnie was sure that the first thing that he would do would be to apologize to them for his brothers' immature conduct.

Then, Donnie cringed over the very real possibility that their enemies could show up at any moment. If he had been right in his assumption that his brothers were making enough noise to lead the enemy right to them, then his older brothers would be killed by their own stupidity.

He decided that it was time to climb back up to the rooftop.

Someone had to stop his brothers from getting themselves killed . . .

Donnie spun back around to make his ascent up the fire escape stairs just in time to see something come swooping down at him from the platform above.

With minimal time to react, he instinctively swung his bo-staff up just in time to deflect what would have been a swift kick to the head. The surprise attack and awkward position that he had been in caused him to slightly lose his balance and he just about fell over the side of the platform railing. He quickly recovered from the close call, but it was still not fast enough to avoid getting slashed across the forearm by a naginata blade held by the Foot Soldier that was now only a couple of steps in front of him.

Donnie yelped out in both shock and pain as the curved blade sunk deep into the flesh of his arm, but his small yelp was drowned out by the sound of his brothers' ongoing confrontation on the rooftop.

Looking down at his arm, the medical part of Donnie's brain instantly told him that it would to take multiple stitches to patch up the gash, and if there was deep tissue damage, it was going to take forever to heal. But that really should have been the least of Donnie's worries right about now . . .

While the supposedly most intelligent turtle was standing there mentally assessing the severity of his injury, his assailant that had caused it was already preparing to take another stab at him.

 _Pay attention, Genius!_

Ignoring the pain and the blood now free-flowing from his wounded arm, Donatello was able to narrowly avoid another strike from his enemy by jumping over the next set of steps, down onto the platform below. He was thankful when the corroded platform didn't collapse beneath him. That would have been disastrous . . .

Donnie whirled around and shifted into a defensive fighting stance, but the railing around the platform that he was standing on didn't give him adequate space to fight effectively with his bo-staff. Using his long weapon in a confined area was going to make things much more challenging.

When his opponent was about halfway down the set of stairs that had been separating the two of them, the turtle in purple choked up on his bo-staff and launched a side strike. He connected, but not with the full force that he had been hoping for. He was only able to make a quarter of a swing. The glancing blow that he had delivered to his attacker's head had only succeeded in stunning him for a moment or two.

 _Aw, sewer apples!_

The Foot Soldier then jumped down onto the same platform that Donnie was on. Again, the genius turtle thanked his lucky stars that the platform didn't collapse beneath him.

Lifting his bo-staff up over his head, being careful to avoid the stair treads above, Donnie swung again, but to no avail. His opponent responded quickly enough to avoid the blow, blocking it with the pole arm of his naginata, and then, he used his weapon to pin Donnie's bo against the platform railing beside them.

With his bo-staff trapped, Donnie growled in frustration and aimed a closed fist at his attacker. He managed to land a solid punch to the Foot Soldier's stomach, effectively knocking the wind out of him. Taking advantage of his enemy's temporary incapacitation, Donnie leaned over and was able to pull his weapon free, but his bo-staff couldn't save him from what happened next . . .

In a bad bout of turtle luck, his opponent blindly swung out the pole arm of his weapon and inadvertently managed to crack Donnie in the side of the head with the wooden shaft end of his naginata. The blow to the head dazed Donatello just enough that he dropped his bo-staff and stumbled back a few feet, giving the Foot Soldier the exact opening that he needed.

Once he somewhat regained his bearings, Donnie looked back up at his opponent just in time to see him launch his next assault. The turtle's mahogany-colored eyes widened in fear as he helplessly watched a powerful kick slam into his upper plastron.

The force of the kick delivered straight into Donnie's chest sent him hurtling backwards into the thin, weakened railing of the fire escape and the metal barrier that he crashed into failed to stop his incoming weight. Without any warning, the railing gave way and Donnie suddenly found himself freefalling from a disturbing height.

In a panic, Donnie screamed out as he plummeted towards the ground below, but it was a little too late to cry for help now. His brothers were on the roof and he was about to hit the pavement.

 _Well, this day just keeps getting better and better,_ he thought grimly, knowing that his chances of survival were not good. All he could do was brace himself for impact.

Fortunately, a conveniently placed garbage dumpster broke his fall. Not so fortunately, that garbage dumpster's metal lid was closed. He landed shell first with a sickening thud, leaving a turtle-sized dent in the now unusable lid, and then, all went black.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Note: I hope that you liked the bonus chapter. Please continue to review/favorite/follow this story if you are enjoying it. I would love to know if you like it. Thank you very much for reading! ;) CJ**_


	3. Chapter 3 - Don in the Dumpster

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 3 of 'Lost in the Fight' and what happens in this chapter will shape the entire story.**_

 _ **Thank you so much to everyone for taking the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story. I truly appreciate everyone's support. The feedback that I have received on 'Lost in the Fight' has been great! You are all so kind.**_

 _ **Once again, please continue to favorite/follow/review my stories if you like them. Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 3 – Don in the Dumpster**

From Michelangelo's vantage point, it was difficult to discern who was actually winning 'TurtleMania Four,' as he had already dubbed it. The youngest turtle's chosen title of the wrestling event that his oldest brothers were participating in had beaten out such imaginative contenders as 'Super Turtle Bros.,' 'Turtle Kombat: Terrapin,' and, the close runner-up, 'WWNT: Total ShellDown.'

Mikey chuckled over his own cleverness. The number 'four' in 'TurtleMania Four' was supposed to represent the four brothers, because secretly, deep down in his shell, he was really hoping that it might turn into a turtle free-for-all tag team extravaganza.

 _That would be so super sweet!_

Mikey scanned the area for potential foreign objects that he could introduce into the match. He had always gotten a charge out of the wrestling matches that involved the usage of folding chairs, but much to his disappointment, there were no chairs in sight.

Of course, Donnie was nowhere in sight, either, dashing Mikey's dreams of making it a four-way pay-per-view caliber event.

 _Oh man, way to poop on the party, D_ , Mikey grumbled to himself.

Then, all of a sudden, the youngest turtle's skin flushed as realization washed over him like a tsunami.

Donnie was missing!

Mikey quickly glanced around the rooftops in search of his genius brother, but there was no sign of him. He knew that Donnie had been there just a few minutes ago.

The youngest turtle then started to get a nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Kind of like he had eaten some really bad gyoza or pizza. Not that he truly believed that there was such a thing as really bad gyoza or pizza . . .

"Uh, guys . . . Where's Donnie?" Mikey asked and the nervousness in his voice was poorly hidden. However, the volume of his voice was far softer than what was required to get through to his two ticked off brothers.

Leo and Raph continued to exchange blows; neither one of them willing to back down. They had not heard what Mikey had said over their growls and grunts of fury. Their weapons were currently interlocked and they were glaring at each other with their teeth bared. Their chests were heaving from exertion and sweat was glistening off of their foreheads.

It had been one heck of a workout.

A thin line of blood trickled down Leo's eye ridge from where Raph had nicked him with a sai. There was a similar cut along Raph's shoulder from where the oldest turtle had grazed him with one of his katanas. That was the only visible blood that had been drawn so far, but there were plenty of bumps and bruises marring their skin to make up for the lack of open wounds and neither one of them looked as though they were going to let up on the other any time soon.

Mikey had had enough.

"Dudes! Donnie's gone!" Mikey shouted with a commanding voice that did not sound at all like his own.

At long last, someone had gotten through to the feuding turtles.

Mikey didn't much like that he had had to resort to yelling in order to snap his two oldest brothers out of it, but at least something had finally worked. He was thankful for that.

Suddenly no longer possessed by sheer rage, Leo and Raph untangled their weapons and backed away from one another, shaking off the adrenaline and hostility that hung thick in the air. Anger still smoldered in their eyes, but they were no longer fixated on beating one another to a pulp. Their heads were starting clear and the world around them was coming back into focus.

Slowly, the turtles in blue and red turned towards their youngest brother and they could see that he was clearly upset with them. His face was all scrunched up in frustration and he looked as though he was about to start chewing them out when a shrill voice stopped him cold.

At long last, they all heard Donnie, but not until it was too late . . .

The genius turtle screamed out in horror, and then, there was an awful thump sound and the screaming came to an abrupt end. After that, everything went eerily silent.

They exchanged terrified glances for a moment before rushing in the direction that the scream had come from.

"Donnie!" Mikey shrieked, looking over the ledge of the building where he had last seen his brainy big brother. "Dudes, it's totally dark down there! I can't see anything! Donnie! Bro, where are you?"

Mikey was practically hyperventilating as he searched for his brother from above.

Although his own chest was tight with panic, Leo tried to take a much calmer approach to the situation than Mikey had. The oldest turtle liked to think that his ability to stay calm under pressure was one of the main reasons that his father had chosen him to be the leader of the team, but sometimes, he still worried that Master Splinter had only selected him because he had simply asked first . . .

Leonardo whipped out his T-phone and switched on the flashlight app that Donnie had downloaded onto all of their mobile devices. Thanks to his tech savvy little brother, the T-phones served as a much more powerful and useful flashlight than the average cell phone did. Leo's phone was bright enough to reveal that there was something down there, but it wasn't moving.

"Donnie!" Raph hollered with such force that he nearly blew his voice out in the process, and then, he was off and running. Always the most impulsive one of the brothers, Raph started to bolt down the fire escape without exercising an ounce of caution, leaping down entire flights of stairs, hopping from platform to platform.

Leo and Mikey followed closely behind their hotheaded brother, struggling to keep up with the manic and perilous pace that Raph had set. Then, that pace came to a screeching halt on a platform four stories from the ground.

His temperamental brother's sudden stop made Leo's already nervous stomach tie itself into the tightest of knots. He watched on in dread as his red-clad brother's shoulders started to shake and his hands clenched into rigid fists at his sides. It was a sure sign that Raph was fighting to keep his emotions under control.

With newfound speed, Leo made his way down to the platform that his immediate younger brother was standing on.

A second later, Mikey was right behind his oldest brother, looking over his shoulder.

It only took a split-second for the leader in blue and the youngest in orange to spot what had stopped Raph's momentum.

There, on the platform, was Donnie's abandoned bo-staff.

Mikey let out a dramatic little whimper as Raph bent down and picked up their brainiac brother's discarded weapon, nearly breaking it in his tense grip. He then turned towards Leo and Mikey with a somber expression etched on his face and held out the bo-staff for them to see.

As the three of them stared down at their genius brother's weapon, they all noticed the unmistakable red stains on the wooden staff as well as on the platform grates below their feet. The sight of what was obviously blood made breathing seem much more difficult than it had just moments before.

Mikey let out another whimper while Raph fought to contain a strange mixture of stress, rage, and fear that was filling his being. Leo once again did his best to remain the calm one, pushing aside his rising alarm so that he could concentrate on finding his genius brother.

A quick examination of the area revealed that the platform railing behind Raph was broken.

A lump caught in the back of Leo's throat as he stepped around his hotheaded brother and nervously held his T-phone out so that the flashlight was aimed towards the ground. The oldest brother was fully aware that the spot that he was now leaning over was right where they had earlier caught sight of something – or someone – from up above.

The light then confirmed that that someone was their missing brother . . .

"Donnie!" Leo gasped out his brother's name, letting his grasp on his composure slip for an instant or two.

As soon as he saw Donnie's seemingly motionless body, Raph had to fight off the insane urge to jump right off of the fire escape to where his genius brother was lying. Somehow keeping his senses partially in check, the turtle in red let out a roar and raced down the remaining stairs, getting to Donnie faster than he thought possible.

"Aw, shell," Raphael snorted as he climbed up onto the dumpster lid that his genius brother was splayed out on.

Donnie was alive, but he wasn't moving and that made Raph's heart start to pound wildly inside of his chest. The hotheaded turtle didn't have a clue what to do. He wasn't good at all of that medical stuff like Donnie and Leo were, hence the reason he didn't waste any time with assessing his brother's wounds or concerning himself with possible spinal or internal injuries like his two worrywart brothers would have. All Raph cared about right now was getting his little brother to open his eyes.

Raph crawled up beside the injured turtle and started to lightly slap him on the side of the face, but Donnie remained unresponsive.

"Donnie? Come on, look at me, Donnie! Time to wake up, little brother!"

Full-fledged panic was setting in.

Raph roughly seized hold of Donnie's shoulders and he had no sooner started to shake the living daylights out of his brainiac brother when Leo came to Donnie's rescue. The oldest brother was quick to push Raph away from their genius brother before he injured him any further. Leo then glared over at his bad-tempered brother for his irrational actions. The leader knew very well that Raph was prone to violence, but how could he possibly think that viciously shaking someone who was already unconscious was the least bit helpful?

Then, as if to prove Leo wrong, a low moan emitted from Donatello.

"Donnie?" The three brothers said in unison as they immediately hovered over their hurt brother. They temporarily set aside any bitterness that they may have been harboring towards one another so that they could finally focus their attention on the genius turtle.

Donnie's eyelids fluttered rapidly as he struggled to focus his vision. Of course, it wasn't helping that someone was shining their T-phone flashlight directly in his eyes. He moaned once again and lifted his uninjured arm up to shield himself from the blinding light.

In all of the excitement, Leo hadn't even realized that he was still holding onto his T-phone and flashing the light right in his little brother's face.

"Sorry, Donnie," Leo mumbled, slightly embarrassed. He promptly adjusted the direction of the beam of his flashlight, pointing it away from Donnie's face, but keeping the light on so that he could still see what he was doing. He then slipped into doctor mode, checking his genius brother for injuries. The most noticeable wound was the deep gash in his brother's arm. Mikey saw the wound as well and he instantly gave his oldest brother the wraps from around his hands to use as bandages. Leo nodded his appreciation and went to work on dressing the wound.

"Hey, Donnie. Can you hear me? Are you awake, bro?" Mikey asked and his bright blue eyes grew wide with concern. The youngest turtle was presently kneeling on the dumpster lid beside Donnie's head, leaning in close to his big brother's face.

"M – Mikey . . . why . . . why are there t -two of y - you?" Donnie stuttered, weakly looking up at his youngest brother with slightly crossed eyes.

"Two Mikeys? Talk about your worst nightmare come true," Raph quipped and he nudged Mikey in the shoulder before continuing. "Are you okay, Donnie? You put a dent in the dumpster the size of Jersey."

"That all depends on your definition of okay," Donnie groaned, pressing the hand of his uninjured arm against his pounding skull. He then attempted to push himself up into a sitting position, but all three of his brothers kept him pinned down.

"Hey, you need to take it easy, Donnie," Leo said firmly, but there was gentleness in his tone as well.

The genius turtle winced in pain as he said, "Aw, my head is killing me."

"Yeah, well, it's killing us, too," Raph remarked snidely, following with a sly smirk.

Raph's comment had only been meant to lighten things up a bit now that Donnie was awake, but there was one turtle who clearly did not appreciate his joking around.

The words had no sooner left Raph's mouth and Leo was once again glaring daggers at him in obvious disapproval of the red-masked turtle's crude use of humor. Leo hardly thought that it was the appropriate time or place to make fun of their little brother, but he really didn't want to get roped into yet another argument with Raph. Leo instead forced himself to focus all of his attention on inspecting Donnie's injuries rather than letting Raph get under his shell again.

Save for the slice across his arm and a few good scrapes and bruises, the genius turtle had faired pretty well considering the height that he had fallen from. Fortunately, his shell seemed to have taken the brunt of the landing. Leo just hoped that his brother's shell had held up to the hard impact.

"I need to check your shell, Donnie," Leo said in a sedate voice, and then, he and Mikey carefully rolled Donnie onto his side.

Once Donnie's back was facing him, Leo examined his second youngest brother's carapace and he was pleased to see that there wasn't any significant damage done. There wasn't even a single crack as far as he could tell. This came as a tremendous relief, but it didn't stop Leo from worrying altogether. There was still the threat of potential internal injuries that Donnie may have incurred from the fall.

His injured brother's voice then snapped Leo out of his troubled thoughts.

"How does it look?" Donnie asked, not even bothering to try to see what his oldest brother was doing. He was perfectly content with lying as still as possible and resting his aching head against the cool metal of the dumpster lid that he had crashed into.

"You got extremely lucky, Donnie," Leo answered in his 'serious' voice as he cautiously rolled his genius brother back over onto his shell. The blue-clad turtle's breathing was finally starting to become slightly easier.

"I wouldn't exactly call it lucky," Donnie responded with a hint of sarcasm and his face twisted into a grimace.

"You know what I meant. So, what happened, Donnie?" Leo had looked his brother right in the eyes as he had asked his question, making Donnie instantly feel squeamish. Sometimes, his oldest brother's usage of intense eye contact made the genius turtle feel as though Leo was trying to look straight into his soul. It was more than a little unnerving . . .

"I, uh, saw something moving around down here from the rooftop, so I decided to check it out. Turns out it was a Foot Soldier and he attacked me," Donnie said in a voice that was devoid of any confidence.

At the mere mention of the Foot, the mood quickly shifted.

"You saw a Foot Soldier and you went after him on your own?" Leo hissed, suddenly not so sympathetic to Donnie's plight. The leader narrowed his piercing blue eyes and his features turned stern.

"Well . . . I – I wasn't sure if it was the Foot . . . and there was only one, so I thought – " Donnie started only to be interrupted by his now angry oldest brother.

"No, that's the problem! You weren't thinking, Donnie. Not at all. You could have gotten yourself killed going after the Foot on your own like that. You know where there's one Foot, there's usually more lurking in the shadows. You could have been walking straight into a trap. It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid! I expect that kind of reckless behavior from Raph, but not you. You're supposed to be the smart one," Leo scolded and his words were harsh and abrasive. Far more so than the genius turtle had expected . . .

Donnie shrunk back in fear, halfway tempted to hide inside of his shell, but he instead opted to try to take the lecture like an adult.

"I – I was . . . I was just – " Once again, Donnie was not allowed to finish what he was trying to say. Only this time, he was stopped by Raph.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Fearless here is right, Donnie. What the shell were you thinking? You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us. What you did was incredibly dangerous and stupid, all right. Here I thought Mikey was the bonehead of the family," Raph growled, not sure which brother he was more disgusted with at the moment. Donnie, for getting himself injured because of his carelessness, or Leo, for his spiteful little comment about his 'reckless behavior.' Either way, Raph was seriously irritated.

"Hey! Not cool, bro!" Mikey's voice sounded out.

As the youngest brother whined about being called a bonehead, Donnie turned his gaze away from all three of his brothers, too ashamed to look at any of them. The emotions now running through him were overwhelming, making it hard to think straight. Suddenly, he felt as though he was lost and he didn't know what to do.

A part of Donnie wanted nothing more than to lash out at Leo and Raph. To tell them off for being a couple of hypocrites. The two of them went off on their own on a regular basis. They senselessly put their lives at risk almost daily and rarely bothered to tell anyone. What's more, they had no qualms about going after _multiple_ Foot ninjas by themselves, not just one. Plus, he had tried to tell them about the figure that he had seen and they had just ignored him because they were too busy trying to knock each other's teeth out.

And then, there was another part of Donnie telling him how truly pathetic he was. It was now clear that his older brothers thought that he was too incompetent to take on one Foot Soldier on his own, and regrettably, they were right. He had nearly fallen to his death because he couldn't defeat one measly Foot Soldier. He was supposed to be a highly trained martial artist and he had gotten clobbered. None of his brothers would have gotten their shell kicked like that.

Donnie could hear Raph's words replaying in his head . . .

" _You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

What Raph had said stung Donnie's pride, but that was only because it rang so true. He _was_ the weakest fighter. He always had been. They all knew it. They all knew that the only thing that he was good for was fixing things, and lately, he didn't even seem to be doing that right.

He choked back a sob building in his chest as he continued to mentally berate himself for being so useless. All the while, he kept thinking that at least he had gotten his older brothers to finally agree on something for the first time in months. Unfortunately, what they whole-heartedly agreed upon was that he sucked.

 _They're right, Donnie. You really do suck_ , he thought bleakly, fighting back the tears that kept insisting on coming. He couldn't let them see him cry. If he allowed his brothers to see just how much their words had hurt him, that would only further validate that he was weak, just as Raph had said. He didn't want to give them any reason to think less of him than they already did at this point. He had to keep his feelings locked away so that he could save what little dignity he had left. Though inside, he felt like falling apart, he had to pretend to be strong. He could not let them see his pain.

But there was one brother who had already seen it . . .

Mikey knew Donnie better than anyone. He had seen the sorrowful look in his brainy brother's eyes when his other brothers had said those hurtful things to him. The youngest turtle didn't understand why his brothers had reprimanded and belittled Donnie for something that they did all the time. Not only that, but Mikey had heard Donnie try to tell them that he had seen something and they wouldn't listen to him. They had told him to shut up and go away.

It wasn't right . . .

The orange-clad ninja didn't like this one little bit. In fact, it made him totally mad, but he didn't want to go upsetting Donnie even more than he already was by confronting Leo and Raph about their jerky behavior right there in front of his injured brother. Besides, at the moment, all Mikey really wanted to do was just go home and call it a night. It was late and he was super tired.

"Guys, don't you think we should get Donnie back to the lair?" Mikey asked, gently petting Donnie's head and looking down at him reassuringly.

Donnie continued to avoid eye contact with any of them.

Again, Mikey noticed.

"Yeah, let's get you home, Donnie Boy. I think you've had enough fun for one night. 'You think you can walk?" Raph asked, carefully helping his brainy younger brother up into a sitting position.

The upright movement did not bode well for the genius turtle. Donnie grabbed onto his head just before leaning over the edge of the dumpster and spewing forth the contents of his stomach. They were then all unpleasantly reminded of what they had had for supper.

"I'll take that as a no," Raph said, sympathetically patting his little brother's carapace as the genius continued to violently vomit, emptying his stomach onto the alleyway below. Then, the dry heaves nailed Donnie with unrelenting force. His stomach kept purging, over and over again, but there was nothing left. He could feel bile burning in his chest and in the back of his throat.

Needless to say, he was one miserable turtle.

Leo frowned, volleying between pity and concern for his wounded brother as he watched his insides turn out onto the pavement.

Donnie had plummeted four stories onto a metal, inanimate object, complained about his head hurting, was seeing double, and now, he was throwing up. Leo had had enough experience dealing with head injuries to know what that meant.

"Didn't you just recover from a concussion?" Leo was apt to point out.

 _I thought we had already established the fact that I am inept. Oh, what the heck! I was just thinking how nice it would be for someone to throw more salt in my wounds . . ._ was what Donnie had thought after hearing Leo's question, but all he was actually able to get out in response was a feeble whimpering sound.

Slumping his head forward, the genius turtle closed his eyes and waited for the world to stop spinning. At least he was done puking. He had that to be grateful for . . .

"Come on, little brother. Let's go home and get you some aspirin and an ice pack . . . and maybe a bucket," Raph said with a soft smirk. He then crouched down close to Donnie and swiftly hoisted his lightest brother up on his shoulders in a fireman's carry.

Donnie groaned in discontent, but he was in no condition to physically resist being slung over his brother's shoulders like he just had been.

"Oh, and try not to hurl on me, Brainiac. If you're gonna barf, aim for Mikey," Raph added as he hopped down off of the garbage dumpster.

Leonardo jumped down from the dumpster as well and he cringed when he looked back at the huge dent that Donnie's impact had left in the lid. A fall like that could have easily killed Donnie if he would have landed on anything other than his shell. Leo's stomach turned at the gruesome thought.

They could have lost Donnie, just like that. This was why they needed to be more careful, now more than ever. The Foot Clan far outnumbered them and they were prowling around every corner of the city. This was precisely why they had to stop making rash decisions.

Leo hated that he had admonished his little brother. Especially when he was injured . . . But as the designated leader, it was his job to protect his brothers and do anything in his power to keep them from harm. But how could he protect them if they refused to work as a team and went off on their own? How could he lead them if they constantly defied him and questioned his orders?

Frustrated with brothers as well as himself, Leonardo shook his head for a moment, trying to push away a heavy pang of regret. He then turned and rushed to catch up to Raph, knowing that his temperamental brother would eventually need help with Donnie.

From behind them, they could hear Mikey cry out, "Oh, dude! Are those anchovies? And pepperonis? Donnie, you so need to chew your food better!"

"Mikey, if you touch anything that just came out of Donnie, so help me, I will never be able to respect you ever again! Not that I respect you at all. I'm just saying . . . " Raph snarled without even turning to look at his youngest brother. He then hiked Donnie up higher on his shoulders so that he could get a better grip on his genius brother's limbs.

Taking one last quick glance around the area to make sure that they weren't being followed, the four brothers slipped down the nearest manhole cover and disappeared into the darkness of the sewers.

At the time, they were unaware of just how much damage had been done that night.

The sewers weren't the only thing being consumed by darkness . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Note: I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Please continue to review/favorite/follow this story if you like it. I would love to know. A big thanks to everyone for reading! ;) CJ**_


	4. Chapter 4 - Will Work for Food

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 4 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here. I hope that you like it . . .**_

 _ **Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story. It really means a lot to me.**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review my stories if you like them. I would love to know if you are enjoying them. Thank you all so much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 4 – Will Work for Food**

It had been two days since Donatello had given new meaning to 'dumpster diving.' After being treated for injuries from his attack and subsequent fall, the genius turtle had been banished to his bedroom and ordered to get some much-needed rest, but it was rather difficult to sleep when one's head was pounding unremittingly to the rhythm of one's heart. Lying down had only seemed to make the throbbing worse, so he had secretly spent the duration of his exile in his room working diligently away on his laptop. Whenever his family would come into his bedroom to check on him, he would quickly tuck his computer out of sight so that they did not see that he was disobeying a direct order. The only one who had seemed a little suspicious about the whole thing had been Raph. He had kept raising an eye ridge and looking at Donnie skeptically every time that he had come into the room. Of course, it could have just been that Raph was grumpy. The second oldest brother's constant cranky demeanor always made it difficult to read any other emotions that he may have been feeling.

On this, the second day after the dumpster incident, Donnie had been given the green light to return to his lab, but not without stipulations. His family had informed him that he was to be on restricted duties until his headache and nausea subsided and his arm started to heal over. He had been instructed not to do anything too strenuous and he was still banned from training and patrol for at least a few more days.

The genius turtle didn't mind being barred from training and patrol too much, as it gave him more time to work on the projects piling up in his lab. It also gave him another day or two to avoid the imminent repercussions of his "reckless" actions. He had no doubt in his mind that his err in judgment would negatively affect his training regimen in some aspect. Master Splinter always seemed to find creative and painful ways of trying to get them to learn from their mistakes.

While Donnie was pleased about getting out of training, patrol, and his impending punishment for a few more days, he was not so pleased about being told not to do anything too strenuous. It was like telling a kid in a toy store not to touch anything. Of course, 'strenuous' was a subjective term. The meaning of the word was all a matter of interpretation. What one person thought of as strenuous, another person might not. In other words, even if his family did accuse him of doing something that they considered overly strenuous, it would certainly be subject to debate. And Donatello rarely lost a debate. Nine times out of ten, when arguing about something with his family, all the genius turtle would have to do is throw out a handful of big, complicated words and start spouting off some kind of scientific reasoning behind his stance. This would get them all confused, bored, or a combination of both, and then, they would eventually yield to his point of view, if only just to shut him up.

Donnie frowned at that thought.

Maybe he really was a hopeless nerd.

 _A hopeless nerd with a ton of work to do . . ._

He returned his mental focus to the project that he had been working on before losing his train of thought.

Leaning over his desk, he studied the omni-directional range extender antennas that he had picked up for the lair's security system a few weeks back. He had been fortunate enough to find the antennas, as well as four night vision wireless cameras, while he had been scavenging around for parts at a local military junkyard. Once these items were installed, they would significantly widen the overall radius of their surveillance system. This would allow the system to detect potential intruders much earlier than it was currently capable of doing.

The problem was, Donnie just couldn't seem to find the time to play with his new 'toys.' Every time that he thought he had a spare moment to work on his security enhancement project, something always seemed to come up. This moment was no exception . . .

Just as he started to fiddle around with the extender antennas in front of him, the lab doors squealed as they were dragged open. Upon hearing the shrill sound, Donnie made a mental note to add greasing the track for the lab doors to his to-do list. He had been meaning to do it for some time now.

 _Nothing a little WD-40 or Vaseline can't fix,_ he thought to himself.

"Hey, Donnie. How are you feeling?" Came an unsure voice from beside him.

Donnie spun his blue task chair to the left and offered up a small, sheepish smile to his youngest brother.

"Like I fell four stories onto a closed garbage dumpster," Donnie groaned and his smile twisted into a cross between a sneer and a grimace. He then reached up a hand and rubbed the back of his aching head.

"That bad, huh?" As Mikey posed the question, he, too, grimaced in an expression of sympathy.

"I don't know, Mikey. Do you know anyone who's fallen four stories onto a closed dumpster and felt good afterwards?" Donnie quipped with a teasing little smirk that finally made Mikey smile. That glad expression was much more befitting of the happy-go-lucky youngest brother than the expression of worry that had been stamped on his face since the day before.

"No, I guess not. How's the arm?"

Mikey's inquiry made Donnie's eyes trail down to the railroad track of stitches that stretched several inches across his forearm. Most likely, the laceration would result in a scar, but not a really bad one. Leonardo and Master Splinter had done a good job of sewing it up and the antibacterial salve that Donnie had been liberally applying to the wound had fought off infection thus far. The cut was deep and had done some damage to the underlying muscle, tendons, and possibly nerves, but luckily, the damage was minimal and the blade hadn't severed anything. What damage was done was going to take a while to heal completely, but he had certainly suffered far worse.

"Oh, it's great. My doctor says I'll be able to play concert piano again in no time flat. Get it?" Donnie joked, poorly.

The humor was ultimately lost on Mikey and he had to stop to ponder the comment for a while. He was wondering when Donnie had learned to play the piano. That and he couldn't quite figure out where the heck his brainy brother had been hiding this piano. They were kind of big. Mikey realized that he wasn't the most observant turtle in the lair, but he was pretty darn sure that even _he_ would have seen a piano sitting around the sewers at some point.

Donnie could see that Mikey had not gotten his attempt to be funny. His little brother was thinking so hard, it looked as though he was going to strain something.

"Never mind, Mikey. My arm is fine," Donnie assured his now baffled little brother, holding the limb in question up for Mikey to see. Donnie then added, "And before you ask . . . No, I do not actually know how to play the piano."

"Then why did you say you did?" Mikey asked, clearly confused.

Donnie dragged his hand down his face in exasperation.

"I don't know, Mikey. It must have been the concussion talking," Donnie lied, letting his head injury take the blame for what he had said. He just hoped that that would be the end of the disastrous joke that had played out entirely different in his head.

An immediate change of subject was imperative.

"So, what's behind your back, Mikey?" Donnie swiftly redirected his younger brother's attention to the object that he had been keeping carefully tucked behind his shell the whole time.

Yes, Donnie had noticed that Mikey had been hiding something behind his back as soon as he had stepped foot inside of the lab, but he had figured that he'd wait until his little brother brought it up. The genius turtle was just trying to avoid the inevitable.

Historically speaking, objects hidden behind Mikey's shell were broken items that he wanted his big brother to fix. That had been the reason that Donnie hadn't felt a pressing need to ask about the hidden object sooner. As much as he wanted to help his baby brother out, he had enough things on his plate as it was.

But there was no way of getting out of it now. Not since Donnie had already gone and asked Mikey what was behind his back.

Trying to push his unmanageable workload out of his thoughts, Donnie looked up to see that Mikey was grinning guiltily as he twisted a toe into the floor. This was yet another telltale sign that the youngest turtle had busted something.

Sighing internally, so as not to hurt Mikey's feelings, Donatello then motioned for his little brother to present the object.

Sighing externally, Mikey started to chew on his bottom lip nervously as he revealed the portable DVD player that Donnie had given to him as a Christmas gift last year.

Upon seeing the out of order electronic device, Donnie got a look on his face like someone had just broken his most prized possession.

Mikey immediately tried to explain.

"I'm really sorry, D! I swear I didn't do anything bad to it, bro! I've totally been super careful with it 'cause I know you got it for me! I was just gonna watch the first disc of season one of Space Heroes, but it won't read the disc. It just keeps spinning and spinning and says 'loading' across the screen," Mikey rambled and he looked to be on the verge of tears.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . take it easy, Mikey," Donnie said, holding his hands up and gesturing for his baby brother to calm down. The genius turtle could plainly see that his little brother was worked up over the situation. This instantly made Donnie feel bad for trying to avoid helping his brother just moments before.

"Let's take a look." Donnie used his gentle big brother voice as he carefully took the DVD player from Mikey and set it down on his desktop, just about knocking over the small globe on the right hand side of his desk in the process. It was a wonder that the genius turtle had a clear spot to put the DVD player with all of the projects cluttering his desktop. Fortunately, the disc player didn't take up too much space.

Donnie then went about working his magic, scrutinizing over the small device in search of the problem. It was in surprisingly good physical condition compared to most of Mikey's belongings. The genius turtle wondered if that was because Mikey was actually taking good care of something for a change or if it was because his baby brother rarely used the device. They didn't own very many DVDs, so Mikey still mostly used the VCR in the pit of the lair or the one in his bedroom whenever he wanted to watch something.

With that thought in mind, Donnie made another mental note to keep an eye out for discarded DVDs the next time that he was out searching for parts.

 _Of course, DVDs aren't going to do any good if you can't concentrate long enough to actually fix the DVD player, Brainiac . . ._

Focusing his attention back on the task at hand, Donnie promptly inspected the DVD itself and determined that it was not the root cause of the problem. This was a good thing, too, because the disc didn't actually belong to Mikey. It belonged to Leonardo and the oldest turtle would have hung the youngest one up by his toes if he found out that the turtle in orange had damaged his precious Space Heroes DVD set.

That DVD set was yet another treasure that Donnie had found on one of his many junkyard excursions.

Donnie remembered the night that he had given Leo the first season of Space Heroes on DVD all too well. When he had returned to the lair and given his oldest brother the digital boxed set that he had come across, Leo had been utterly shocked that someone had thrown away such a valuable collector's item. Donnie had had to bite his tongue hard enough to make it bleed and pretend as though he, too, was shocked that someone would get rid of what was arguably one of the worst shows of all time . . .

Trying not to laugh over the memory, Donnie continued his troubleshooting process on Mikey's DVD player. In under a minute, the genius turtle was able to carefully remove the outer casing of the device so that he could study the interior components.

Mikey leaned over Donnie's shoulder to watch his brother's progress, suspending his face about two inches away from the purple-clad turtle's head. It was a definite invasion of his personal space and was extremely awkward to say the least, but Donnie tried not to let his brother's close proximity break his concentration.

As he examined the innards of the nonfunctional disc player, Donnie unconsciously stuck his tongue out and curled it up over his top lip. He then reached down into a desk drawer and pulled out a cotton swab and a bottle of isopropyl alcohol, intending to clean the lens.

It was at this point that Raph appeared.

Having spent a great deal of time in his lab, a substantial portion of which involved having one's back to the door or one's face hidden behind a computer monitor as it was right now, Donatello had become somewhat of an expert on his brothers' entrance patterns. He always had a way of telling which brother had entered the room without even having to look. His brothers insisted that this ability had been inherited from Master Splinter, but Donnie had dismissed this notion, reminding them that that was scientifically impossible since he and Sensei weren't actually related by blood.

The fact of the matter was that Donnie's 'ability' wasn't really an ability at all. It was just a simple series of observations. Truth be told, he knew which brother was which because they were all hopelessly predictable. Leo's breathing and footsteps were always calm and smooth, almost majestic and graceful, whereas Raph's were heavier and quicker, usually because he was irritated about something and in a hurry. And then, there was Mikey . . . Most of the time, he couldn't sneak up on someone to save his life. He wasn't capable of keeping quiet for long enough.

The only member of the family that could consistently creep up on Donatello when he was working in his lab was Master Splinter. Donnie didn't understand how it was even possible, but his father could enter a room without registering a sound. On more occasions than Donnie cared to admit, his father had nearly given him a heart attack when he had appeared from seemingly out of nowhere.

 _For all I know, Sensei could be standing beside me at this very moment,_ Donnie thought, chuckling internally. He was half tempted to turn and check, but he kept his focus on his project instead.

"Hey, Raph," Donnie greeted his older brother and his eyes never left his desk, further substantiating his so-called 'ability.'

"Morning, Donnie. I see you're already hard at it," Raph said in a somewhat snarky way.

Raph should have known that the instant they gave Donnie the go ahead to leave his room, his genius brother would pick up right where he had left off. Not that Raph had thought for a second that confining the brainiac to his room for a day had stopped him from working. Raph was pretty darn sure that Donnie had been tinkering away on stuff even when he was supposed to be on bed rest.

Of course his brainy little brother would push himself too soon. That's just how Donnie was. Actually, that's how all of them were, with the exception of Mikey, who would have most likely milked the injury for all it was worth.

"I brought you some breakfast," Raph announced, setting a plate of toast and a glass of orange juice down on the worktable next to Donnie's desk, since there didn't appear to be any more room on the desktop itself. It was too littered with his genius brother's numerous projects. Even more so than usual.

"Sweet! Thanks, bro! I didn't know you cared!" Mikey chirped, reaching for the plate that Raph had just put down.

Right before Mikey was about to snatch up a piece of toast, Raph smacked him in the back of the head. This made the youngest turtle instantly pull his hand away from the plate so that he could rub the spot where his big brother had hit him. Mikey's bottom lip then jutted out into a pout.

"I don't. It's not for _you_ , Knucklehead. It's for Donnie. I know _you_ already had breakfast, because I saw the evidence that _you_ left behind in the kitchen. I hope _you_ realize that you're cleaning that up," Raph said in a low voice. He had put a slight growl on the word 'you' each time that he had spoken it.

"Aw, no fair, dude! How do you know it was me?" Came Mikey's whiny response and he placed his hands firmly on his hips as if he had been out-and-out offended by the accusation.

"Who else in this family would literally tear apart a brand new box of cereal to get to the crummy prize in the bottom, Goob?" Raph asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest and giving Mikey a look that warned his baby brother not to push him any further on the matter.

Even Mikey knew better than to test his hotheaded brother's already thin patience. Raph was a walking powder keg and Mikey had no desire to be the proverbial spark.

"Oh . . . right. My bad, bro. But I only did it because there was a super sweet pencil topper inside," Mikey stated in his defense as if he truly believed that his actions were warranted.

Raph was tempted to slap Mikey upside the head again, but he opted to just shake his own head in disgust. Sometimes he wondered if the reason that Donnie was so intelligent was because he got all of the brains that were supposed to go to Mikey.

"You're an idiot. You know that, right? Now, go clean up your mess before Leo or Master Splinter do it for you! And if you don't, we're not gonna get that sugary crap you call cereal anymore! We're gonna get that healthy, cardboardy tasting garbage that Donnie says we should eat! The stuff without the dumb prizes!" Raph threatened, pointing a foreboding finger towards the direction of the kitchen.

Opening his mouth to protest, Mikey instantly thought better of it when he saw the hostile green glare coming from his second oldest brother. The youngest turtle loved his highly sweetened 'Whack Smacks' breakfast cereal far too much to risk calling Raph's bluff.

A little whimper broke free from Mikey's throat as he hung his head down in defeat and trudged off towards the kitchen.

Now, Raph finally had a chance to talk to Donnie alone.

"So, what are you working on, Brainiac?" Raph asked with a much softer and calmer voice than normal. It was almost as if he actually cared what his little brother was doing, but Donnie knew better.

The genius turtle couldn't help but to roll his eyes upwards.

He knew the routine all too well. Every one of his brothers were guilty of it. They would ask him what he was working on just as a formality, when all they really wanted to know was when he was going to work on something that they wanted done. Donnie realized that it would only be a matter of seconds before Raph inquired about when the repairs on his bike were going to be complete, but the brainy terrapin once again attempted to avoid the inevitable.

"I was just finishing up fixing Mikey's DVD player, and then, I was going to work on installing these new all-weather night vision security cameras that I picked up a few weeks ago. I've been trying to figure out how to set up the new video image processor . . . Oh, and these range extender antennas so we can seriously beef up the lair's surveillance system. Plus, I need to adjust the motion sensors so they're a little less sensitive this time. Remember, the last ones I installed . . . when the alarms went off every twenty seconds or so?" Donnie mumbled and he winced at the painful memory that he had just unintentionally drudged up. None of them needed to be reminded of that fiasco.

"Yeah, how could any of us forget about that?" Raph groaned, following the comment with a rather unconvincing laugh as he cupped a hand around the back of his neck.

It was painfully obvious that Raph was feeling a great deal of discomfort. The hotheaded turtle had always been terrible at making chitchat. He was more of a cut to the chase kind of turtle, but at least he was trying to come up with small talk. It was an odd change of pace from his usual blunt approach.

"Thanks for bringing me breakfast, Raph," Donnie said, tearing his eyes away from his project for a moment so as to flash his older brother an appreciative grin. He then returned his gaze to Mikey's DVD player so that he could finish putting it back together. With any luck, the device would work as good as new and he would be able to check that task off of his list of things to do. Plus, it would make Mikey happy at the same time. That would be a win-win.

"No problem," Raph muttered indifferently, trying not to make a big deal about it.

Donnie could tell that all of this making idle conversation was killing Raph, so he decided to put his impatient older brother out of his misery and get to the point.

"I know why you're here, Raph. Why don't you just ask me about your bike?" While he spoke, Donnie rotated his chair towards Raphael and looked up at his red-banded brother as if to let him know that he now had his undivided attention.

"Am I really that predictable?" Raph snorted, somewhat embarrassed.

"Raph, you brought me breakfast. When was the last time you brought me something that you didn't need fixed?" Donnie asked, raising an eye ridge quizzically.

Raph paused to think for a second or two, and then, he grunted, "Good point."

The genius turtle had been right, as usual. Raph couldn't remember ever giving his little brother anything but a hard time and stuff to fix. But in his defense, he gave _everyone_ a hard time, not just Donnie. However, the only one that he ever gave stuff to fix to was his techie younger brother. That was because Donnie was the only one that he trusted with his stuff. That had to count for something . . .

"But if my bike isn't back in commission soon, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna kill Leo. You don't want that on your conscience, do you, Donnie?" Raph pleaded, sounding much whinier than Donnie ever remembered his rough and tough big brother sounding.

Sucking in an uneven breath, Donnie looked back down at Mikey's DVD player. It was sitting next to the unassembled antennas and security cameras, which were sitting next to the unfinished T-phones that Leo had asked him to work on. In addition to the numerous incomplete projects currently sitting on top of his desk, there were a myriad of other projects that weren't going to do themselves. There were just so many of them, he didn't even know what to work on anymore.

Donnie massaged his temples with his fingertips. Thanks to his concussion, he hadn't slept or eaten for almost three days now and the deprivation was starting to take its toll. His head hurt, his arm burned, his body ached, and his stomach seemed shell-bent on vomiting again. He felt awful, but he did his best to hide his misery from his older brother's eyes. If Raph found out why he wasn't feeling well, the hothead would just yell at him and tell him how weak and stupid he was again . . .

"Raph . . . " Donnie said hesitantly and his voice came out much feebler than he had intended. He then realized that he had no actual plan as to what to he was going to say after his brother's name so he just stared blankly ahead.

Paying no mind to how brittle Donnie's voice had sounded, the hotheaded turtle continued to fight for his cause without hesitation.

"You fixed Mikey's DVD player," Raph shrewdly pointed out, knowing full well that playing the guilt trip card would make selfless Donnie cave in a heartbeat.

Yes, it had been a cheap shot, but Raph really wanted his bike up and running again. Even if it meant taking advantage of Donnie's good-nature . . . Raph knew that his accommodating little brother would never be able to live with himself if he thought that one of his siblings felt that he had favored one brother over another.

Donnie peered up at Raph through tired eyes, but the temperamental turtle didn't see the exhaustion in his younger brother's gaze. He wasn't paying any attention to his brother's facial features. He was too caught up in thinking of additional ways to guilt Donnie into carrying out his will.

"And I brought you breakfast . . . " Raph touted his act of 'kindness.'

Donnie sighed and his face fell into a frown that Raph did not see.

The genius now knew that Raph had only brought him breakfast because he wanted him to fix his bike. Not because he cared about him. Not because he was concerned about his wellbeing or that he was injured. Not because he had noticed that he wasn't feeling well or that he hadn't eaten or slept in days. It was only because Raph needed something. It was always because they needed something . . .

Donnie could hear the words spoken to him by his older brothers the night of his attack playing over and over again in his mind like a mantra. Just as they had been since they had been uttered. The words haunted his waking thoughts, perpetually reminding him that his brothers thought that he was worthless.

" _Maybe you can go find an air conditioner on the fritz or something, Nerd Brain."_

 _"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!"_

" _You weren't thinking, Donnie. Not at all."_

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

The words had cut far deeper than the naginata blade that night.

Refusing to let his brother see his heartbreak, Donnie shifted his gaze to the floor and bit his bottom lip to stop it from quivering. He would not show weakness, no matter how broken he felt inside. He would not let them see it. He would not prove his older brothers right when they had said that he was stupid and weak.

Donnie closed his eyes as tightly as he could, hoping to shut out the pain, but the voices inside of his head only grew louder.

 _"I expect that kind of reckless behavior from Raph, but not you. You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

 _"You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

 _"What you did was incredibly dangerous and stupid, all right. Here I thought Mikey was the bonehead of the family."_

Hearing those words made Donnie's already upset stomach churn even worse. He was starting to wonder if his older brothers even liked him. When they weren't going out of their way to ignore him, they were calling him names or telling him to shut up. If not for his mechanical abilities, they probably wouldn't want anything to do with him at all . . .

 _That's right, Donnie. Your own brothers don't even love you,_ he thought dismally, but his face did not reveal his pain.

"I . . . I'll take a look at your bike as soon as I finish fixing Mikey's DVD player," Donnie said on the edge of a whisper, straining to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"I knew you wouldn't let me down, little brother," Raph gloated, patting Donnie on the shoulder in a slightly patronizing manner. He then left the genius turtle to his work, now confident that that work would be on his bike.

Raph was completely oblivious to the mental anguish that his brother was going through.

As Raph walked away, Donnie looked over at the plate of food that his older brother had left on his worktable. What Donatello had initially thought was a kind gesture was merely a bribe. Even if he was hungry and not hopelessly nauseous, he wouldn't have eaten it. Not now that he knew the truth.

 _Guess I'd better get back to work. It's all that I'm good for._

Once Donnie confirmed that Mikey's DVD player was able to read Leo's disc, he stood up and headed towards the garage where the Stealth Bike was located.

Yes, he knew that his many other projects would still be waiting for him when he got back, but at least if he worked on the bike, someone wouldn't be disappointed in him for a little while . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Note: Poor Donnie . . . ;_;**_

 _ **Thank you so much for reading. Please continue to review/favorite/follow this story if you are enjoying it. ;) CJ**_


	5. Chapter 5 - Who Gives an App?

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 5 of 'Lost in the Fight' and this one is going to get very emotional.**_

 _ **I would like to thank everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story. I am very grateful for the positive feedback that I have received on 'LITF.' You have all been so kind to me. I can't thank you enough! =)**_

 _ **If you like this like story, please continue to favorite/follow/review so that I know you are enjoying it. Thank you for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 5 – Who Gives an App?**

Things were falling apart, both figuratively and literally.

Donatello had already changed out the spark plugs on the Stealth Bike to no avail. The engine still wouldn't turn over.

The genius turtle groaned his disapproval as he dragged his uninjured forearm across his sweaty forehead.

 _Of course it couldn't be as easy as the spark plugs simply not firing . . ._

He should have known better than to foolishly believe that the bike would be a quick fix.

In the back of his mind, he could hear his oldest brother's voice taunting him.

 _"You're supposed to be the smart one."_

Exhaling so hard it hurt, Donnie did his best to ignore the demeaning voice in his head so that he could focus his attention on his latest project.

He had several working theories on what was wrong with the bike. Now that the spark plugs had been eliminated from the list of possible causes, he was leaning towards either ignition coil problems or carburetor troubles. From where he was standing, he could already see that the carburetors were pretty gummed up. Even if they weren't the source of the actual problem, they still could use a tear down and good cleaning.

 _Like I don't have enough to do as it is . . ._ He thought somewhat bitterly, trying not to dwell on the five hundred-plus other projects that he was currently neglecting.

Staring down at the decaying carburetors, Donnie realized that he would probably be better off trying to find new parts for the bike. This was something that Raph didn't have the patience for, but the genius turtle didn't feel as though he had much of a choice at this point. The carburetors had been fairly worn out when he had found them in the first place. Now, they were verging on non-salvageable. That was one of the major downsides of being forced to scavenge for parts in a junkyard. Most people didn't generally throw away the 'good' parts . . .

Donnie's next plan of action was to spray some cleaner into the air intake to see if the bike would start. This would help him to determine whether the issue was carburetor related or ignition related.

With no vigor in his step whatsoever, Donnie trudged back towards his workbench to search for a can of cleaner.

While rummaging around the cluttered bench, he came across the numerous bottles of motor oil that he had collected over the past few months and he sighed dejectedly. Instead of working on the Stealth Bike, he really should have been changing the oil on the Shellraiser, which was well overdue. Unfortunately, he had already told Raph that he would fix his bike and the last thing that Donnie wanted to do right now was give his brothers another reason to think less of him . . .

Leaving the motor oil where it was at, he returned his concentration to finding the aerosol can of cleaner. The sooner he fixed Raph's bike, the sooner he could get back to all of the other projects beckoning to him.

Just as he spotted the cleaner, Donnie heard footsteps approaching from the side. He noted that they were calm, smooth, and graceful.

"Hey, Leo," Donnie said without turning to see if he was right. His eyes remained fixed on the workbench as he reached out for the aerosol can that he had been looking for.

"Hey, Donnie. How are you feeling this morning?" Leo said in a much more lighthearted tone than when he had said the exact same thing to the genius turtle the day before.

 _Apparently, someone's in a better mood this morning . . ._

Instead of immediately answering his oldest brother's question like he probably should have, Donnie hurriedly grabbed the sought after can of cleaner from a shelf and walked over to the Stealth Bike without so much as a word. Momentarily lost in his thoughts, he was completely unaware of the fact that he had just blown his brother off.

Leo followed behind his younger brother, and then, spoke again in the same cheerful tone, as though undaunted by his brother's lack of response.

"I brought you a banana. I thought that you might be hungry." As Leo informed his younger sibling of his offering, he held up the yellow fruit as proof of his generosity.

Donnie fought hard not to roll his eyes, feeling an uncanny sense of déjà vu wash over him. Another brother had no doubt come to influence him with food.

 _A banana? What am I? A trained monkey?_ The genius turtle thought in discontent. He then internally flinched, having just reminded himself of the time that he had been brutally attacked by a psychic mutant chimpanzee. And in front of April, no less . . .

There was a memory that he'd just as soon forget. Not that his brothers would ever _let_ him forget about it. They still occasionally poked fun at him for getting beat up by a monkey in front of his quote unquote girlfriend.

 _Aw, yet another fine example of your ineptitude, Donnie . . ._

Rather than making some spiteful comment about the banana that he would just wind up feeling bad for afterwards, the genius turtle chose to answer the question that he had earlier disregarded.

"I'm feeling much better. Thanks," Donatello said meekly and he put on a small smile to create the illusion that everything was fine. All the while, the abusive voices inside of his head kept sounding off, telling him how worthless he was.

 _"You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

 _"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!"_

Donnie did his best to tune out the voices so that he could continue to focus on his work.

The genius turtle crouched over the front fender of the Stealth Bike in what looked to Leo like an extremely uncomfortable position. His younger brother was using his injured arm to steady himself as he applied the cleaner that he had just acquired. He was covered in sweat and grime and it even appeared as though he had added a few more cuts to his growing collection.

What Donnie was working on hardly looked like a non-strenuous activity to Leo.

"Donnie, what are you doing?" The oldest brother asked firmly.

The strict tone in Leo's voice slightly startled Donnie, causing him to just about lose his balance due to the awkward position that he had been in. He somehow managed to avoid doing a faceplant, but he was sure that it had not been a nimble sight to behold by any means. When he finally got his lanky body coordinated once again, he slowly turned towards Leo, hoping with all of his might that his oldest brother hadn't witnessed the clumsy display.

 _Real smooth, Donatello. I guess we know why the casting crew at 'Dancing with the Stars' hasn't contacted you yet,_ Donnie thought snidely to himself as his face blushed with humiliation. He then rubbed the back of his neck and grinned uneasily, revealing the gap in his front teeth.

For the life of him, Donnie could not remember what Leo had just asked. Maybe that was because he had been too preoccupied with making a fool out of himself yet again. He silently stood there, anxiously trying to remember what his older brother had said. Suddenly, it occurred to Donnie that he was still grinning like an idiot. He quickly wiped the goofy smile off of his face and replaced it with a blank expression. Again, he found himself hoping that his brother hadn't witnessed the display.

Just as Donnie was about to ask his brother to repeat the question, Leo spoke up again, unknowingly sparing the genius from having to swallow his pride. Although if Donnie would have had to ask his brother to repeat his question, he had been all prepared to blame it on his head wound once again. His concussion was turning out to be an awesome scapegoat for pretty much everything.

"Are you working on Raph's bike?" The disgust in Leo's voice as he posed the question was unmistakable.

Unlike Mikey, who would have answered the query with a 'duh,' Donnie recognized a rhetorical question when he heard one. He could see the disapproval written all over Leo's face. This usually meant that a lecture was forthcoming.

"I – I had promised Raph I'd fix his bike . . . before I got hurt . . . and I . . . I didn't want to get him upset with me. I'm just trying to avoid getting concussion number three here," Donnie promptly justified his actions, hoping to nip the sermon in the bud and keep Leo from climbing up on his beloved soapbox.

Leo grunted in aggravation, wondering if Raph had any sense of moral fiber left in him. His hotheaded brother constantly resorted to using bullying and intimidation as a means to get his younger brothers to do what he wanted. It was to the point that Raph had now made both of his baby brothers afraid of him and it didn't seem to bother him one little bit.

Well, it bothered Leo. It bothered him a lot. His little brothers didn't deserve to be treated like that.

"Donnie, Raph's bike can wait until you're feeling better. You're pushing yourself too soon. You need to take it easy. Your health is more important than fixing the Stealth Bike," Leo said, placing a hand on Donnie's shoulder and squeezing it reassuringly.

Donnie gazed into Leo's big, dewy eyes and he felt moisture start to build up in his own eyes. He would have hugged his oldest brother for what he had just said if not for the fact that he was coated in a sheen of grease and perspiration. He didn't think that his big brother would really appreciate the sentiment, seeing how filthy he was.

For the first time since the incident, the belittling voices in Donnie's head stopped telling him that he was stupid and a hopeless screw-up. For the first time in two days, he felt like one of his older brothers actually cared about his feelings and welfare. He felt like he mattered.

Seeing the warmth in Leo's expression made Donnie nearly break down and tell his brother how he had been feeling the past few days, but he didn't know how to do so without sounding fragile and pathetic. He still felt a need to prove himself to his older brother somehow after what had happened. He still felt as though he needed to show him that he was strong.

The moment turned awkward as an asphyxiating hush fell over the garage. Neither one of them knew what to say or do next. They just stared at each other until Donnie couldn't take the eye contact anymore. He found his gaze shifting down to the can of cleaner in his hand, and soon, his mind started to race once again. There was still so much to do and he was well-aware that rest was a luxury that he could not afford right now. Not when his list of things to do went on and on and on . . .

After a full minute without words had passed, Leo removed his hand from his younger brother's shoulder and broke the prolonged silence between them.

Donnie immediately found himself wishing that his oldest brother would have just left things well enough alone.

"What you could be working on is upgrading the T-phones like I asked you to. That would be a nice, easy, sit-down job," Leo suggested, thinking that he was being helpful. What he did not realize was that he had just broken his younger brother's heart into thousands of tiny pieces.

All of the relief, gratitude, and liberation that Donnie had felt just seconds before vanished without a trace and the void left behind was instantly filled with sorrow, rejection, and emptiness.

The offering of food. The dewy eyes. The show of concern for his health. It had all been just a ruse. Just like Raph had done earlier. Neither one of them actually cared about him. They were only using him for his mechanical abilities. They were only pretending to be nice because they needed something from him.

With that, the things that his brothers had said to him the night of his attack began to replay in his head, louder than ever.

" _Maybe you can go find an air conditioner on the fritz or something, Nerd Brain."_

 _"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!"_

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

 _"You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

 _"You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

 _"Here I thought Mikey was the bonehead of the family."_

The words were tearing him apart, little by little, leaving wounds that no one could see. The darkness inside of him was growing.

Unaware of Donnie's inner torment, Leo's voice unintentionally cut through the gloom that his younger brother was mired in.

"I was actually thinking about another useful upgrade for you to make to our phones. Would it be possible for you to set something up on the T-phones so that when the self-destruct sequence is activated, the phone that it is activated on would send out a message or a signal or something to the rest of us?" Leo asked almost hungrily, unable to contain his enthusiasm for his new idea.

"Wh – what?" Donatello sputtered out. The hurt in his voice was evident, but he spoke so quietly and so briefly that Leo didn't pick up on the anguish that drenched his brother's tone. Donnie's reddish-brown eyes faded and filled with tears as he looked at his older brother with an expression that could only be described as shattered. The saddest of frowns settled on his features which he cleverly hid from his big brother by hanging his head down.

Still excited about his suggestion, Leo didn't pay his genius brother any attention, as his thoughts were focused on his T-phone. He was closely studying the device while he continued presenting his latest and greatest idea for improving his brother's invention. He was gushing about his idea much the same way that his genius brother normally would about a new invention, not even bothering to look up at Donnie as he spoke. His little brother's suffering was invisible to him, even though he was standing right next to him.

"I'm asking if you could program all of our T-phones to send out a group text message or some kind of warning to inform the rest of us that someone is in trouble. It would be a great safety feature to install. That way, we would know whose phone the destruct sequence was initiated on. Then, we would know right away that something bad had happened. It would be sort of like an emergency broadcast system concept," Leo said, as though he was trying to deliver a good sales pitch to a potential buyer.

When Donnie failed to respond, Leo felt the need to continue on with his proposal, mistakenly assuming that his brother was waiting for him to further justify his case.

"With the increased Foot sightings out there, we need to be better prepared, now more than ever, Donnie. We need to add more functionality to all of our communication devices, just to be on the safe side. What happened to you the other night should serve as a warning," Leo declared, effortlessly shifting from salesperson mode to his overprotective, big brother mode.

Donnie squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment, trying in vain to block out the memory of the other night. Trying to stop the merciless voices in his head from reminding him about the incident. Trying so hard just to think straight, but he couldn't erase his brothers' words.

" _You weren't thinking, Donnie. Not at all. You could have gotten yourself killed going after the Foot on your own like that."_

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

 _"You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

Leo continued on with what he thought was a motivational speech, but it was, in reality, serving the exact opposite purpose on his distraught little brother.

Donnie didn't need a speech. He just needed someone to notice him. He just needed someone to listen to him, but what he got was another task assigned to him.

"None of us are safe anymore, Donnie. We're in constant danger of getting seriously wounded, captured . . . or much worse." Leo struggled to get the last few words out. He couldn't escape the memory of seeing Donnie lying there, motionless on that dumpster.

Leo hadn't told his younger brother about it, but the night before, he had woken up in a cold sweat from a ghastly nightmare. He had dreamt about what had happened that night on the fire escape. He had dreamt that he had seen his genius brother start to fall and he had reached out to catch him, but he had failed. He could only watch on in horror as his brother fell to his death. He couldn't save him. He had watched him die. It had seemed so real. It hurt just to think about it . . .

That nightmare made Leo all the more determined to do anything and everything to protect his brothers. He couldn't bear the thought of losing any of them.

Leo looked away for a moment, choking back a sob that seemed adamant on coming out. He couldn't let Donnie see that his calm and steady demeanor was wavering as he fought to keep his emotions in check. He cared so deeply for his brothers, he would literally do anything to protect them, but he could not allow his devotion and feelings to cloud his judgment. What kind of example would he be setting as a leader if he broke down crying over a bad dream? His brothers looked to him for leadership and guidance, so it was necessary for him to always remain brave, confident, and level-headed, even during the bleakest of times. He had to be their light when darkness surrounded them. He had to be his brothers' strength when their own strength faltered. That's what Sensei had taught him.

When Donnie noticed that Leo was temporarily facing away from him, he took this opportunity to quickly wipe away any tears that may have gotten past his purple mask, assuming that his brother hadn't already seen them.

Taking in a deep, cleansing breath, Leo turned back towards Donnie. He then placed both of his hands on his brother's shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. The oldest turtle's expression was solemn and beseeching, almost verging on desperate. It was as though the fate of the entire world hung in the balance over the very words that he was about to speak.

"That's why it's so important for you to make the upgrades to the T-phones, Donnie. Those phones may be our only lifeline if something bad were to ever happen to any of us."

Donnie nodded, indicating that he understood.

The magnitude of the situation seemed a wee bit exaggerated to the brainy turtle, but he could see the intense passion blazing in Leo's eyes. The anxiety that his older brother was feeling was not lost on Donnie. He knew that protecting the family was the most important thing to Leonardo. The oldest turtle was pretty much obsessive about it. That was why he dedicated his every waking hour to becoming a better leader. He trained and studied the art of Ninjutsu religiously. Far more than the rest of the brothers did. He was constantly developing plans and tactics, always trying to prepare them for what was to come. He took full responsibility for their actions as well as their safety, and he was willing to defend them at any and all cost. Being the leader of the team was a burden that Leonardo had volunteered to carry and he was bound and determined not to fail his brothers or his father. So much so that he pushed himself to the brink, time and time again, trying to be that perfect leader that he envisioned in his head.

So how could Donnie possibly say no to such a heartfelt request from his oldest brother when he could plainly see how much it meant to him? He knew that his big brother was only asking him to do this task because he was trying to protect them. And this task wasn't just for Leo . . . it was for the whole family.

"Well, if I'm going to make the upgrades you're asking for, I'm going to need everyone's T-phones as soon as possible. It might take some time," Donnie informed Leo as he pulled out his own T-phone and began examining it. The cogs in his head were already turning.

"I'll take care of getting you the phones, but we're gonna need them back by patrol tonight," Leo said with a confident smile. He knew that his tech savvy little brother wouldn't let him down.

Donnie once again nodded his confirmation and Leo recognized the gesture as his brother's vow.

The leader in blue reached up and rubbed the top of his younger brother's head affectionately, careful not rub too hard, as Donnie was still recovering from a concussion. Leo then frowned at what he felt when he touched his brother's bald head.

"Are you feeling okay, Donnie? You feel a little warm . . . and you look a little pale," Leo pointed out and there was worry suddenly etched on his face.

"Huh? Oh . . . yeah. I'm just a little tired is all," Donnie muttered, shrugging off his brother's concern. He was more interested in getting to work on his new project. Besides, he was fairly certain that Leo was feigning the concern anyway. Just like he had earlier.

"Are you sure?" Leo asked, skeptically raising an eye ridge. He hadn't noticed it before, but his little brother looked utterly exhausted.

"Yeah, I'm fine," was Donnie's somewhat aloof response and he forced a half-smile as he set the can of cleaner down on Raph's unfinished bike. The genius turtle then grabbed his older brother's T-phone and headed back to his lab on hurried feet. He had a lot of work to do and not enough time to do it.

* * *

Donatello firmly pressed his fingertips into his eye sockets and moved them in a soothing, circular motion. The pain reliever that he had taken for his splitting headache a few hours ago was no longer doing the trick. His head felt as though someone was drumming on it with numerous ball-peen hammers.

Of course, staring at his computer monitor and the T-phones for hours on end was not helping his head any, nor the rest of his body for that matter. His eyes stung from a lack of sleep and the strain of reading small fonts. His back ached from being hunched over the desk for so long. His throat felt dry and scratchy, presumably from the absence of proper hydration. His stomach burned from a combination of nausea and malnutrition. To top it all off, his butt was asleep from the ergonomically unsound chair that he had been stationed at for several hours now.

 _Everything's just coming up roses_ , he groaned to himself.

He leaned back in his chair, hoping to find a more comfortable position, but the seat wasn't exactly designed for someone with a giant shell on their back. Adjusting his position didn't help his cause any. He was still hopelessly uncomfortable.

Trying to ignore his ever-increasing aches and pains, he bent forward once again and continued to work on the T-phone upgrades that Leo had asked for.

He couldn't help but notice that Raph and Mikey's phones were in terrible shape. The outside and inside surfaces of the devices were heavily marred and scuffed. It was only a matter of time before he would have to replace the two phones that his brothers weren't taking very good care of. The genius turtle would have attributed the poor condition of the phones to their recurrent encounters with the Foot Clan, but that didn't explain why he and Leo's phones were in far better shape.

 _Now, if it was one of their coveted comic books, then they would go above and beyond to keep it in mint condition, but not a highly advanced piece of technology . . ._

Donnie sighed over his two brothers' lack of respect for his inventions as well as anything else that was of the mechanical or electronic nature in the lair. The worst part was that they probably didn't care about any of these things because they knew that he would just fix whatever it was that they broke. He always did. Hence, the reason that he had such a substantial to-do list. His brothers didn't value his time or his creations. Maybe they thought that they were doing him a favor by providing him with more work. They probably thought that he had nothing better to do with his time.

" _Maybe you can go find an air conditioner on the fritz or something, Nerd Brain."_

The sound of shuffling feet approaching snapped Donnie out of his thoughts. The feet belonged to one of his brothers that had not been taking care of his phone.

"Hey, Mikey," Donnie said as he clicked his mouse to open up a new tab on his web browser. He was readying to conduct yet another internet search on SMS text message software.

In an effort to make at least one of his brothers happy with him – which would most likely result in making the most volatile one mad at him - Donnie was currently working on creating an algorithm for the new software that he was developing for the T-phones. It was tedious work, to say the least, but it was going much better than he had expected. That was partly because he hadn't had anyone interrupt him for over three hours now.

"Hey, D!" Mikey exclaimed with far more enthusiasm and decibels than Donnie's throbbing head considered necessary. Sometimes he wished that Mikey had come with a volume knob . . . or perhaps an on/off switch.

"I brought you a sandwich, bro!" Mikey stated proudly, but the wind was soon taken out of his proverbial sails when he noticed that the toast and glass of juice that Raph had brought Donnie earlier in the day were still sitting untouched on the table beside his genius brother's desk. Next to the breakfast items sat an unpeeled banana. Evidently, Donnie was taking up some sort of a collection.

Mikey was appalled by the sight of the neglected food. He hated to ever see good food go to waste, but that wasn't actually what was appalling him at the moment. What was appalling him was that Donnie hadn't eaten anything all day. When he stopped to really think about it, he hadn't seen Donnie eat anything since before the dumpster incident, and that was a couple of days ago.

"Dude, when was the last time you ate anything?" Mikey asked, putting his hands on his hips and staring down at Donatello with an expression that was uncharacteristically cross. The turtle in orange was suddenly acting more like an upset mother than a laidback baby brother.

"Et tu, Mikey?" Donnie groaned, saddened by the thought that yet another brother had come to persuade him with food for his services.

"What?" Mikey croaked out.

"Caesar," Donnie clarified without lifting his eyes from the computer screen.

"No, it's actually peanut butter and jelly. I don't think we have any Caesar . . . but I'm pretty sure we've got some ranch in the fridge if you want some," Mikey offered as he began to wave the sandwich inches in front of Donnie's face.

Donnie would have pointed out that he had meant 'Julius' Caesar, not the 'salad dressing' Caesar, but he was too busy trying to keep his stomach from erupting. The mere sight of food made him want to gag.

After swallowing back the bile rising in his throat, Donnie turned and peered up at Mikey through weary eyes.

"Dude! You look terrible," Mikey gasped and he nearly dropped the sandwich that he had so lovingly constructed for his brainy big brother.

"Thanks a lot," Donnie murmured as he dragged his hands down his face. He was hoping that he looked better than he felt. Apparently not.

"Sorry, bro, but you do. You totally need to get some rest," Mikey said in a much more serious tone than Donatello was used to hearing out of his younger brother.

Upon hearing the rather odd tone, Donnie pulled his hands away from his face and examined his little brother suspiciously. The genius turtle didn't want to get his hopes up too soon, but Mikey looked as though he was genuinely concerned about him. Plus, his little brother wasn't carrying anything behind his back to indicate that he needed something fixed. The only thing that he was holding was that sandwich.

Finally! A brother was actually there just to bring him something to eat out of the kindness of his heart.

 _Good old Mikey . . ._

Donnie realized that he never should have doubted his baby brother's intentions. In addition to having the biggest mouth and stomach of the family, Mikey had always been the one with the biggest heart.

"Sorry, Mikey, but I don't have time to rest right now. I have to get the T-phones up and running again before you guys go out on patrol tonight," Donnie told his little brother and he turned back towards his work. Just mentioning the word 'patrol' reminded the genius turtle that he needed to get his shell in gear.

"No way, dude! You're going right to – " Mikey started, but he was swiftly cut off.

"I can't, Mikey. I told Leo that I would finish the upgrades to the T-phones as soon as possible. If I don't get them done soon, Leo will think that I'm an even bigger screw-up than he already does," Donnie uttered wretchedly as he started tapping on the keys of his keyboard once again. Much to his frustration, his hands were so shaky, they were making typing much more challenging than normal. If his fingers weren't going to cooperate, it was going to slow his progress dramatically. That was the last thing that he needed when time was so critical.

Mikey shook his head as he watched his older brother plug a bunch of numbers into his computer.

There had been such dejection and self-loathing in Donnie's voice, it made Mikey's heart ache. He could see from his big brother's expression and the way that his shoulders were slouched that Donnie was feeling super down on himself and the youngest brother knew exactly why.

Mikey bit back a growl. He knew that all of the awful things that Raph and Leo had said to Donnie right after he had gotten hurt would have this kind of effect his brainy brother.

Seeing Donnie sad and depressed made Mikey feel sad and depressed. What made things even worse was that Donnie – in typical Donnie fashion – was bottling up all of his feelings inside and not letting anyone help him.

Mikey really hated it when his big brother did this to himself. Sometimes, Donnie could be just as pigheaded as Raph; he just went about it in a stealthier way.

The youngest turtle wanted nothing more than to march outside of the lab and shout at his two jerkface oldest brothers for making Donnie feel so bad, but he knew that his genius brother wouldn't want him to. His closest brother was the most withdrawn and reserved one of the siblings. Donnie constantly worried about what others thought of him and he was pretty much socially inept. He had a nasty tendency to shut everyone out and attempt to work through things on his own so as not to bother anyone with his problems. He was much more private than his brothers, which meant that he certainly wouldn't want his baby brother to go and blab to the rest of the family that he was feeling down in the dumps.

 _Oh, D . . ._

"No one thinks you're a screw-up, bro," Mikey assured his older brother, leaning over Donnie's desk so that he could get closer to him. There were visible tears in Mikey's shiny blue eyes as he looked down at his distressed brother. There were tears in Donnie's eyes, too, but unlike his younger brother, he was fiercely trying to fight them back.

"But I am a screw-up, Mikey. You were there when I got hurt. I couldn't even take down one Foot Soldier. And I know you heard what Raph and Leo said. They think my fighting skills are inferior and that I'm weak. They're ashamed of me, Mikey," Donnie said with so much remorse that it made Mikey want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Donnie couldn't even look at his little brother as he spoke. He just stared down at his desk as he continued.

"They both finally agreed on something, and that was that I'm stupid and a lousy ninja. . . and they're right. I don't belong out there with you guys. I'm just a liability. The only thing that I'm good for is fixing things, and lately, I'm not even very good at that." Donnie barely got the words out. His self-control was failing fast.

"Donnie, don't talk like that. You aren't – " Mikey tried to give his big brother a much-needed pep-talk, but Donnie held up a hand to stop him.

"If you don't mind, Mikey, I'd just like to be alone right now. I have to get Leo's stuff done, and then, I have to work on Raph's bike. They're counting on me and I don't want to let them down again," Donnie said, struggling to keep his composure intact as he spoke. He couldn't let himself fall apart in front of his baby brother. How disgraceful would that be?

"But, Donnie, you need to get some sleep. You'll feel better after you've had some rest," Mikey pleaded, trying to reason with his stubborn brother.

"I'll get some rest when I'm done with my projects, Mikey. I promise. I have to finish what I'm working on. I can't let you guys go out on patrol without your phones. That would be way too dangerous," Donnie stated and he forced a thin smile to try to ease his brother's mind.

"Donnie." Mikey whispered his brother's name as a lone tear bypassed his mask and made its way down his cheek. He wasn't quite sure what to say to make Donnie feel better at this point. He had never heard his big brother so down on himself and it scared him.

There was only one thing that Mikey could think to do. He instinctively lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his brother, squeezing him tightly.

"You're my big brother and I think you're awesome. None of those things Leo and Raph said were true. You rock as a ninja and you've taken down hundreds of Foot Soldiers before. That guy just got the jump on you, D. That's all. It happens, bro. To _all_ of us. And, you're the smartest guy I've ever met. You can totally fix anything. Leo and Raph . . . they don't know what they're talking about, bro," Mikey proclaimed, hugging his big brother even harder as he nuzzled his face into the crook of Donnie's neck.

Donnie returned the embrace and gently patted his baby brother's carapace. He then breathed out the words, "Thanks, Mikey."

Mikey sighed contentedly, melting into his big brother's arms. It wasn't very often that his brothers let him hug them without protest, so he just wanted to savor the moment.

The hug continued to linger on longer than Donnie felt comfortable with, but when he tried to wriggle free from his brother's hold, Mikey refused to let go. He just continued to crush his older brother in his arms.

"Uh, Mikey?"

"Yeah, bro?" The youngest turtle squeaked out and he then made a small sniffling noise.

"Please tell me that you're not smushing that sandwich into my shell," Donnie muttered with a hint of dread.

Mikey quickly pulled out of the embrace and cringed as he glanced over Donnie's shoulder at the mashed sandwich in his hand. Looking back down at Donnie, Mikey lowered his head so that it looked as though he had no neck and he pressed his lips together into an apologetic expression.

Donnie rolled his eyes towards the ceiling as if to say 'why me,' knowing that he now had peanut butter and jelly smeared on his back.

"It's cool, bro. I'll go make you another one. And I'll bring you a few wet wipes, too," Mike said with a guilty grin and he hastily scurried out of the lab.

Donnie did a facepalm while he watched his brother leave the room. The genius turtle then returned his gaze to his project and he let out a heavy sigh, which unexpectedly triggered his cough reflex. He hacked into his fist a few times and noticed a slight burn in his chest, which was mostly likely due to the dry air in his lab. It was certainly nothing to waste his time worrying about. What he really needed to worry about was getting the T-phones finished up by the time that patrol started.

But unbeknownst to Donatello, there would be no patrol that night.

Unbeknownst to any of them, things would never be the same after that night . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Note: I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. I'll warn you ahead of time that there is a big shocker coming up in the next chapter. Things are about to come to a head . . .**_

 _ **A big thanks to all of you for reading. As always, please continue to review/favorite/follow this story if you like it. ;) CJ**_


	6. Chapter 6 - Before the Storm

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here is chapter 6 of 'Lost in the Fight' and things are about to take a turn for the worse.**_

 _ **Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story. I am super excited that you are enjoying 'LITF.'**_

 _ **Please continue to favorite/follow/review this story as well as my other stories if you like them. I really, really appreciate the feedback. Thank you very much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 6 – Before the Storm**

Donatello was staring blankly ahead at his computer display, seemingly entranced by the ambient glow of the screen. His one hand was cradled over his computer mouse while his other hand was propping up his head, partly because he was bored and partly because he was too tired to hold his head up without the added assistance.

"Donatello?"

Although the unexpected voice that had just spoken his name had been soft and serene, it had still managed to make him nearly jump out of his shell.

Donnie turned and lifted his eyes to set them upon his father, which came as no surprise.

 _Who else could scare the heck out of me like that?_

"M – Master Splinter . . . I didn't hear you come in," Donatello gasped out as he placed a hand across his upper plastron to make sure that his heart was still enclosed inside of his chest where it should be. He then tried to take in a deep, calming breath, but all that his lungs would currently allow him to inhale were a few shallow mouthfuls of air.

"I am sorry, my son. I did not intend to frighten you," Master Splinter said, feeling a sudden stab of guilt. He could see by his young son's reaction that he had startled him.

"No . . . no need to apologize, Sensei. You didn't do anything wrong. I was just kind of lost in my own little world," Donatello explained and while he did so, he quickly straightened his back into a more upright position. He knew that Master Splinter would have frowned upon the poor posture that he had been practicing for the past several hours. His father had always made it abundantly clear that he did not approve of slouching, and at the moment, Donatello really didn't feel up to one of Master Splinter's 'lessons' on good posture. He knew from experience that several of his father's preferred methods for ensuring proper body arrangement could be downright excruciating.

As Donatello adjusted his position, Master Splinter moved in closer to get a better look at his second youngest child and he did not like what he saw. His son looked sickly and gaunt. His reddish-brown eyes were bloodshot and droopy and there was a visible line of sweat broken out along his forehead. His normally olive-colored complexion was unusually pale except for the crimson flush to his cheeks, informing Master Splinter that his son was most likely suffering from a fever.

"You do not look well, my son. Tell me, when was the last time that you had any proper rest?" Master Splinter asked with a worried frown pulling down on his already long face.

"To be honest, I don't actually remember, Sensei," Donatello muttered, following his response with a wry grimace and an awkward chuckle. He then scratched the back of his neck nervously, knowing that Master Splinter was staring at him intently. For the shy turtle, his father's scrutiny was unnerving.

"You are pushing yourself too soon, Donatello. You must rest your spirit if you are to get better," Master Splinter said in his fatherly tone that ordinarily would have made Donatello feel more relaxed, but at this point, it only put the genius turtle more on edge.

Donnie didn't have time for rest right now. His brothers were counting on him.

"I know, I know . . . But I really have to get some of these projects done. They're extremely important, Sensei," Donatello pleaded earnestly. He knew that convincing his father to leave him to his work would be no simple task. He was fully aware of the fact that Master Splinter was not as easy to shoo away as Mikey was.

The wise old rat knit his brow and twitched his whiskers in contemplation.

"Donatello, sometimes you place too much burden upon yourself. You have been blessed with extraordinary abilities and your intelligence never ceases to amaze me, but you have an unsettling tendency to neglect your physical and emotional needs in order to keep things running around here. You demand more of yourself than what is possible and you refuse to ask for help when needed, feeling it is your responsibility to fix everything. But you cannot fix everything. Especially if you do not take care of yourself. Your projects can wait until you are feeling better, my son. Though you do not seem to think so, your health is far more important than any project you may have," Master Splinter said, looking deep into his son's fatigued eyes.

"Hai, Sensei," Donatello sighed, dipping his head down in an attempt to hide the distress that he feared his ever-watchful father might see on his face.

Master Splinter's last few comments had inadvertently reminded Donnie of what Leo had said to him earlier in the day, just before his oldest brother had hit him up about making the upgrades to the T-phones. Donnie had no doubt in his mind that his father – unlike Leonardo – had been sincere when he had told him that his health was more important than any project, but that didn't make the memory of what Leo had done hurt any less. His own brother had pretended to care about him just to get him to do his bidding.

"Is there something else troubling you, my son?" Master Splinter asked as he gently rested one paw on top of his most inquisitive son's shoulder while he used his other paw to lift his son's head up. He instantly noticed that Donatello's skin felt warmer to the touch than it should have.

As soon as Donatello peered up at Master Splinter, he could see that his father had already known the answer to his question before he had even posed it. He recognized the knowing twinkle in his father's eyes.

"You've been talking to Mikey, haven't you?" Donnie groaned, letting his posture sag a little. He should have known that his baby brother would go running off to tell their father about what had happened in the lab. This was a perfect example of why Donnie worked so hard to keep his feelings to himself as much as possible. Sharing things with his brothers always seemed to backfire on him.

"Your younger brother is quite concerned about you," Master Splinter said and his lips stretched into a faint smile at just the thought of his youngest child, but the smile was fleeting. His expression abruptly turned somber when the worktable beside Donatello's desk caught his eye. There were numerous food items on the tabletop, including a few slices of toast, a banana, and something that looked as though it had once been a sandwich. None of the items appeared to have had a single bite taken out of them, although he was not a hundred percent sure about the sandwich. It was in such bad shape, it was difficult to tell . . .

Master Splinter focused his gaze back on Donatello and he noticed that his intelligent son's eyes were glassy. Whether it was from tears or the unknown ailment taking hold of his second youngest child, he did not know. Either way, it filled him with unease.

"Now that I have seen the condition that you are in, I understand Michelangelo's concern. I am also very worried about you. It looks as though you have not slept in some time and I have not seen you eat anything for several days. It is also evident that you are running a fever. Clearly, you are not healthy, my son. Why did you not feel a need to tell us this? Did you think that no one would notice?" Master Splinter asked sternly. He was not at all happy with his son's decision to hide the truth from them.

Upon hearing the severity in Master Splinter's tone, Donatello tried to look away, but his father kept a firm grip on his jawline to prevent him from doing so.

"I'm not sick, Sensei. It's just warm in here and I've been working all day." Donatello denied the diagnosis, not seeing a pressing need to discuss his health. Even if he was running a fever, he was guessing that it was just a low-grade one and the pain reliever that he had taken earlier for his headache would most likely solve the problem.

"That does not explain why you have not eaten or slept. How can you expect to regain your strength if you do not fulfill your body's basic needs?" Master Splinter fired back and his voice was beginning to noticeably increase in volume, alerting Donatello that questioning his father had him treading in dangerous waters.

"The reason that I haven't eaten or slept is because of the concussion. The sight of food still makes my stomach turn and the second that I lay down, my head starts pounding. It isn't that I haven't been trying to do these things, Sensei. It's just that my body won't let me right now," Donnie rationalized, keeping his fingers crossed that blaming his concussion would work yet again.

"I see," Master Splinter uttered and he began to stroke his beard in careful consideration.

The obvious deliberation written on his father's face notified Donatello that an immediate change of subject was his only possible chance of getting out of being sent straight to bed.

"Sensei . . . can I ask you something?"

Donatello suddenly sounded much younger than he had just moments before, which only added to Master Splinter's apprehension.

"Of course, my son," Master Splinter answered and he released his grip on Donatello's chin so that he could gently brush his paw down the side of his son's face. He could see the hurt in his quietest child's eyes and it pained him. He hated to see any of his children suffer.

"Do think that I'm strong enough to fight beside my brothers? I mean, I know that I'm the weakest fighter. I always have been . . . And I know that I don't have the natural abilities that they have . . . But do you think that I'm a failure to the art of Ninjutsu? Am I . . . Am I a disappointment to you, Sensei?" As he spoke the words, Donatello's voice was shaky, and, at times, nearly nonexistent.

"Donatello, nothing could be further from the truth. Why are you asking me these questions?" Master Splinter inquired, saddened that his son would ever think that such things were true.

"I . . . I just wish that I was stronger. Strong like my brothers. Strong like you . . . " Before Donatello had even finished what he had to say, his eyes had shifted towards the floor as though he was ashamed of himself.

"My son, you are much stronger than you think. You are stronger than any of us here," Master Splinter said, placing his paw on top of Donatello's head. He then slid his paw down and held it over his son's heart before he spoke again. "And here. Strength is not about how strong you are physically, nor is it about how powerful you fight. Real strength comes from overcoming our weaknesses and our fears. Strength is about not giving up, even when giving up seems like the only option. It is about resolve and perseverance."

Donatello's eyes met Master Splinter's once again and he wanted so much to speak, but the words would not come. The tears did instead, but he did all that he could to keep them from falling.

"You have never disappointed me, Donatello. I am so very proud of the turtle that you have grown up to be. Your intellect is unmatched and your heart is compassionate and true. There has never come a time that you did not put our needs before your own and you have always done everything in your power to protect us and make our lives easier. You have so many strengths, my son. And you need not question your abilities as a ninja. Yes, you still have much to learn, but I have no doubt that you will turn out to be just as good of a ninja as your brothers," Master Splinter assured his son and there was no denying the genuineness of what he had said.

Before his father had even finished his comments, Donatello's eyes betrayed him and let several of his gathering teardrops escape. He lowered his head to hide the tears from his father, and as he did, his shoulders began to softly tremble from the sobs that he was still fighting to contain.

Seeing how distraught his son was, Master Splinter wrapped his arms around Donatello and pulled him near. He could feel his son instantly lean into him and nuzzle his cheek against his kimoto, presumably seeking comfort.

"You should try to get some rest now, my son," Master Splinter suggested, but he continued to hold onto Donatello. He would do so for as long as his son needed.

After a several long moments had passed, Donatello reluctantly pulled out of the embrace and wiped the tears away from his eyes. He then peered up at his father with a sober expression.

"I'll try, but first, I have to finish the upgrades that I was making to the T-phones. I promised Leo that I would have the phones ready by the time they went out on patrol tonight. Please don't make me break my promise, Sensei," Donatello implored, begging his father with his puppy dog eyes.

As much as he wanted to, Master Splinter could not bring himself to say no to his son's heartfelt request.

"Very well. You may work on your project, but only until patrol starts. After your brothers leave, you are to go directly to bed. I will drag you to your room by your shell if I have to," Master Splinter threatened, shaking a foreboding finger at his son. He then left Donatello to finish up his project, knowing that he would soon be returning to lab to check on him. Nightly 'patrol' started before long and he had meant it when he had said that Donatello would be going to bed once his brothers left. He would personally make sure of that.

As Master Splinter began to walk away from the laboratory, his head unexpectedly began to throb and his chest tightened with anxiety, though he did not know why. Something suddenly felt off, causing a sense of dread to wash over him. He drew in several purifying breaths to calm himself before heading towards his room. He needed to meditate on the matter right away.

* * *

Just as Donatello had suspected, the carburetors on the Stealth Bike were totally shot. There was no sense in investing a bunch of time rebuilding something that should just be thrown away.

He gritted his teeth at the symbolism in his last thought. He couldn't help but to apply the distinct metaphor to himself. Once again, he found himself attempting to block out the barrage of negative thoughts that refused to leave him alone. Even after all of the positive things that Mikey and his father had said to him, the condemning voices in his head still would not stop.

 _Stop being such a drama turtle, Donatello. Your family loves you . . ._

Donnie forced himself to focus on the task at hand rather than on the voice inside of his head now telling him that he should just be tossed out with the rest of the trash.

Before he could get back to his work, another involuntarily coughing fit broke his concentration, but only for a moment or two. Clearing his gravelly throat, Donnie ignored the discomfort that he was starting to feel every time that he swallowed. He mentally reminded himself that he didn't have time to be sick. Not when he still couldn't get Raph's bike to start. It was pretty much useless right now.

Again, he gritted his teeth at the obvious metaphor, but he did not let it pull his attention away from the bike this time.

 _I guess I'm gonna have to make a trip topside to pick up parts in order to get this baby working again,_ Donnie thought to himself as he hunched over the engine to further inspect the rest of the parts and components of the Stealth Bike. Now that he knew he had to make a trip up to the junkyard, the genius turtle figured that he might as well start putting together a shopping list. He had already noticed some serious wear on the fuel pump diaphragm and the drive belt. He was sure that there were numerous other parts on the bike that would soon need to be replaced or the bike would just break down again.

The mere thought of the bike breaking down made Donnie shudder in his shell.

Patience was certainly not one of his red-clad brother's virtues. In fact, Raph was the very antithesis of patience. He was like a ticking time bomb simply waiting for an excuse to go off. Donnie just hoped that he wasn't about to become that excuse when he had to tell his short-tempered brother that his bike was going to be out of commission until he could locate the needed parts.

Both of the middle brothers knew that junkyard outings were a hit-or-miss thing. Sometimes, fate would shine down upon Donnie and he would find exactly what he was looking for on the first trip. Other times, luck was not on his side and it would take several visits to the local scrap yards to find the items on his wishlist. Unfortunately for Donnie, Raph didn't have the tolerance for the latter scenario. The longer that it took to find the needed parts for the bike, the more irritable the hotheaded turtle would become, and the more irritable the hotheaded turtle became, the more likely that he would start hitting things, or worse, one of them.

Shaking the disturbing mental image of Raph using him as a punching bag out of his head, Donnie sighed, or rather wheezed as he reached for the crescent wrench that he had earlier tossed onto the seat of the bike. Just as his outstretched fingers came into contact with the wrench, he heard footsteps approaching.

 _Brothers . . . all three of them._

It instantly dawned on the genius turtle that it was already time for patrol. Apparently, he must have lost track of time. He didn't realize that it was that late.

 _Evidently, time flies when you're not having fun as well . . ._

"Donnie, what are you doing?" Leo growled from behind his brainy little brother.

Upon hearing the bite in Leo's tone, Donnie straightened himself into a bolt upright position. He then turned and looked at his oldest brother nervously. He would have denied that he had been working on Raph's bike, just as Leo had told him not to do, but the evidence was strewn all across the floor and written on his face, quite literally. Donnie wasn't even aware of it, but there was a streak of soot smeared across his sweaty forehead to further prove his guilt.

"I . . . uh . . . was . . . uh," Donnie stammered, trying to rack his brain for some sort of a decent explanation for why he hadn't followed Leo's orders, but his head hurt too much to come up with a reasonable excuse. All he could think about was how he had screwed up again . . .

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

 _"You're supposed to be the smart one."_

"Didn't I tell you not to work on Raph's bike?" Leo howled, clearly unhappy with his genius brother's actions.

At a loss for words, Donatello could only hang his head down in shame.

In the meantime, Raphael raised his head – and his voice – in anger.

"Wait! You told him not to work on my bike?" Raph snarled as he cracked his knuckles and stomped towards Leo, quickly closing the distance between them to just a few feet.

"Yes, I did, Raph. Donnie doesn't need to waste his time or energy on your bike right now. What he's supposed to be working on is upgrading the T-phones," Leo pointed out, knowing full well that what he had just said would tick Raph off, big time.

"So the almighty Leonardo now decides what Donnie works on? Do you ever get tired of hearing yourself tell everyone what to do all the time?" As Raph asked his questions, he puffed out his chest in an obvious demonstration of aggression.

"I just think that upgrading the T-phones is a little more important than fixing your bike." Even though Leo had kept his voice steady when he had spoken, his abrasive tone had revealed the storm brewing within.

"So in other words, _your_ stuff is more important than any of ours?" Raph seethed and his blood began to boil. He was sick and tired of Leo constantly barking orders at them as though they were incapable of thinking on their own. His brother was turning into a total control freak. So much so that Raph couldn't even stand being in the same room as the 'fearless' leader anymore.

Things were rapidly spinning out of control.

Mikey saw the telltale psychotic gleam in Raph's emerald eyes and he opted to back several turtle's lengths away from his two oldest brothers. He didn't want to get injured in the carnage about to come.

Having no desire to witness a fight break out in the garage, Donnie tentatively approached his irate big brothers. He was mindful of where Raph's fists were at all times, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire if his two older brothers were to come to blows . . . _again_.

"Actually, I was working on the bike – " Donnie tried to speak, but he was swiftly cut short.

"Donnie, let me handle this," Leo said, holding up a hand to nonverbally tell Donnie to 'shut up.' This did not sit well with the genius brother.

"But, Leo, I already – " Donnie tried to butt in once more, but again, he was butted out by his oldest brother.

"I said let me handle this, Donatello!" Leo scolded and he gave Donnie a steely look before continuing on with what he had to say. "Raph is just throwing another one of his little temper tantrums because he didn't get his way. Isn't that right, Raphie?" Leo asked as condescendingly as possible.

Raph's breathing grew heavy and the veins in his forehead started to bulge out as rage coursed through his whole body, consuming him with blinding, red-hot fury. He glared daggers at his older brother and the low growl of his inner beast rumbled in the back of his throat. He then moved his hands towards the pair of sais hooked to his belt, readying to strike. He just needed one more good push.

"Guys, let's be – " Donnie tried to keep the peace, but his older brothers were not having any of it. The battle lines had already been drawn. As far as they were concerned, there was no turning back now. War was inevitable.

"This isn't about you, Donnie. This about Raph and I," Leo stated in a chastising tone, as though Donatello was a little kid trying to horn in on an adult conversation.

"Yeah, just stay out of the way, Donnie. You have nothing to do with this. This fight is between me and Fearless," Raphael added and his tone was disturbingly calm, but no less chastising than Leo's.

That was it. That was the final straw. The turtle in purple was fed up with being brushed off as though he was insignificant. He was not going to let them ignore him again. Not this time . . .

Donnie stepped forward and planted himself firmly between his two older brothers. He glared back and forth at them, not sure which one he was more aggravated with at the moment.

"What do you mean I have nothing to do with this?" The genius turtle screeched as he threw his hands up in exasperation.

Raph and Leo just stared at him in silent disbelief.

"This is _all_ about me! The whole reason you two are arguing is because of me!" Donnie shouted, finally allowing his frustration to come pouring out.

It was a side of Donnie that none of them had ever seen before. Sure, the brainy turtle lost his temper on a regular basis, but his occasional blowups were more of a 'hissy fit, stomp your feet, pouting out loud, venting' kind of thing. They were generally not stemmed from actual anger, but rather out of irritation that things weren't going as planned or because someone was messing with his stuff. His angry outbursts typically only lasted for a few seconds or so, and then, he would settle right back down again.

But this present outburst that they were witnessing was altogether different. Their timid brother was out-and-out furious, or more accurately, he was 'Raphael' furious. This was something that did not go unnoticed by Leonardo.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Donnie . . . Take it easy. What's gotten into you?" Leo asked, holding his hands out and motioning for his genius brother to calm down.

"Nothing has gotten into me! I'm just not going to stand here and watch you two try to beat each other senseless over me!" Donnie roared and his entire body was now shaking. He wasn't sure if it was because of his temper or the fever that was coming on strong.

"Donnie, this isn't about – " Leo started, but Donnie gave him a taste of his own medicine and cut his older brother off before he could finish.

"Oh, would you please stop saying that? This is totally about me! You're fighting over whose project I should be working on! How is that _not_ about me? And the whole reason you two are arguing in the first place is because I can't do anything right! Just admit it, Leo! You guys think I'm a sorry excuse for a turtle," Donnie said and the volume in his voice tapered down slightly as he spoke the last sentence, but that was not for lack of anger. It was only because of the nagging scratch in his throat. He had lowered his voice in an attempt to stifle a coughing fit that would have no doubt stolen his thunder.

"What? No one said that, Donnie," Leo denied, staring at his second youngest brother as though he didn't even recognize him. Donatello had never acted out this way before. The wrath and bitterness glowing in his genius brother's eyes was foreign to Leo. Again, Donnie's conduct was more suitable to Raph. It was an unsettling trend. Donatello was supposed to be the quiet one. The one with the gentlest disposition. The one brother who actually seemed to value Leo's opinion and leadership. So who was this stranger standing before them?

"You did, Leo! When you called me stupid for going after that Foot Soldier!" Donnie's voice was elevated once again, right along with his blood pressure.

"That . . . that wasn't what I meant, Donnie. I – I just meant that you shouldn't have gone after him on your own," Leo sputtered out, completely taken aback by what his brainy brother had just said.

"Because you think I'm incapable of taking down one Foot Soldier by myself!" Donnie snarled while his anger continued to climb to unprecedented heights.

Leo could suddenly feel his own anger rising to hazardous levels. Donnie was putting words in his mouth. Having another brother rebelling against him was the last thing that the turtle in blue needed to deal with. There was no way that he could effectively lead the team if he had another Raphael on his hands. One hothead was bad enough. As far as Leo was concerned, he had to nip this new attitude problem of Donatello's right in the bud.

"Well, you weren't! You let him take you out!" Leonardo snapped harshly.

From over Donnie's shoulder, Leo could see Raph glaring at him for having spoken such scathing words to their younger brother, but the oldest turtle ignored the red-clad ninja. Raph had long been a lost cause. Leo had given up on trying to reason with his temperamental brother ages ago, but there was still hope that he could get through to his genius brother.

"Yeah, it was all a part of my master plan . . . to lure the enemy into a false sense of security by letting them beat the shell out of me!" Donnie growled and his voice was dripping with sarcasm. "I made a mistake, Leo! Am I not entitled to make a mistake every once in awhile?"

"Mistakes are something we cannot afford right now, Donatello! You went off and almost got yourself killed! I can't babysit you all of the time! If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . " Leo's voice trailed off into nothing.

"Then what, Leo? Then I shouldn't be a ninja? Because I'm not up to your standards?" Donnie spoke sharply and his searing eyes narrowed on the oldest turtle. Never before had he felt so much anger towards one of his brothers. He wondered if this was what Raph felt like when he was mad at Leo.

"Watch your tone," Leo cautioned in a low, admonishing pitch. He then pointed a forefinger at Donatello's chest to further stress his words of warning, hoping that his brother would take the painfully obvious hint and drop it.

The hint was not taken. Leo's reproachful words only served to make Donnie more incensed.

"Or what? You'll ground me? You'll punish me for not following your orders? You're not my trainer or my father, Leo!" Donnie barked with indignation.

"No, but I am your leader! And you will respect me!" Leo barked back. He was being pushed past his breaking point by the last sibling he would have expected it from.

"And here I thought you were my brother! Thanks for clarifying that for me, Leo! I'm so sorry, oh great and powerful leader! How could I have been so selfish to go and get hurt under your command? And how dare I go and make you look bad as a leader, because that's what this is all about, isn't it? You don't care about me! All you care about is looking good in front of Master Splinter! You wouldn't want to disappoint dear old dad, would you? That's all that matters to you!" Donnie bellowed with more malice than he had ever thought that he was capable of. The words that he had spit out were pure acid and as soon as they had left his lips, he had regretted them. How could have said such awful things to his own brother? How could he have been so cruel?

Donnie opened his mouth to apologize, but he was too late.

Hearing his genius brother speak to him in such a way caused something inside of Leonardo to snap and he was beside himself with rage. Without thinking, the oldest turtle drew his arm back, and then, he swung his hand forward with full force. He hadn't even realized what he was doing until he felt the pain when the back of his hand made contact.

By the time Leo regained control of his senses again, he had already done the unspeakable . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: *gasp* This was such an emotional chapter to write. I really hope that you liked it. Just so you all know, from here on out, things are going to get pretty intense in this story . . . As always, please continue to review/favorite/follow 'Lost in the Fight' if you like it. It means a lot to me and I would love to know if you are enjoying the story. Thanks so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	7. Chapter 7 - Out of Their Shells

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 7 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and this one's a bit intense.**_

 _ **Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story. I am just blown away by all of the positive feedback that I have received on 'LITF.' I cannot thank all of you enough for your kindness, but I will keep trying. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! =)**_

 _ **As always, if you like this story, please continue to favorite/follow/review it. It's always nice to know that people are enjoying my stories . . . Thank you for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 7 – Out of Their Shells**

Even though he saw Leonardo's hand retract, there was not enough time for Donatello to defend himself from the incoming strike. The back of his oldest brother's hand came lashing out at him and Donnie took the brunt of the lightning fast blow across the mouth and cheek. His brother's backhand had been so fierce, it had whipped the genius turtle's head to one side and sent a spray of blood and saliva airborne. The force of the impact had instantly split Donnie's lip open and blood was already spilling out of his mouth before he could even really register what had just happened.

More dazed and lightheaded than he probably should have been from one hit to the face, Donnie swayed on his feet. He cupped an unsteady hand over his stinging mouth and cheek as he tried to clear his clouded thoughts and vision. Although he had not thought it was possible, his head was now pounding even worse than before, making it difficult to get his bearings straight. His blurry eyes gazed at Leo in both bewilderment and utter sadness, but at the same time, his expression was full of remorse, like he was the one at fault.

Leo stood there frozen for what felt like an eternity, absolutely mortified by what he had just done. He stared down at his trembling right hand as though it was pure evil protruding from his arm. He then looked up at his genius brother and his heart sank into the farthest depths of his stomach. He could see how shaken Donnie was and the hurt in his eyes. Leo's own eyes filled with tears as he watched the rivulets of blood trickle out of his brother's mouth. He had hit his little brother so hard, his hand was sore and Donnie's face was already starting to bruise and swell where he had struck him.

All at once, Leonardo felt as though a thousand pounds of pressure was bearing down upon his chest.

He had struck Donnie. He had struck his docile, kindhearted little brother out of sheer rage. He had lost control of his temper and taken it out on the very brother who deserved it the least. Donnie, the quiet one, who rarely spoke out or defied Leo's authority. Donnie, the selfless one, who constantly sacrificed his own needs in order to help them. Donnie, the peaceful one, who would rather spend his time in his lab studying, inventing things, or working on machines or techno stuff than being out in combat. He had hit Donnie of all turtles.

Leo had never been so ashamed of himself in all of his life.

After a few stunned moments, the reality of what had just happened began to set in. One by one, the brothers slowly came out of their initial shock and started to react.

"Donnie!" Mikey cried out, running to his brainy brother's side. He quickly wrapped an arm around Donnie's carapace to help support his brother's weight since he looked as though he was having a difficult time standing on his own. Mikey then carefully led his genius brother away from where Leo and Raph were standing. He didn't want Donnie anywhere near their big brothers right now. Not after what had just gone down.

"D-Donnie . . . I . . . I . . . " Leo stumbled over the words, not even sure what to say. He reached out for his traumatized brother just as he started to stagger away.

It was at that moment that Raph was finally able to process what had just happened, and as soon as he did, his sanity up and abandoned him. Seeing Leo reaching out for Donnie instantly pushed the hothead over the edge.

"Don't you touch him!" Raph roared, suddenly springing forward and barreling into Leo's plastron with something that looked more like a football tackling maneuver than a ninja move.

Despite Raph's bestial strength and the tremendous force of the collision, Leo somehow managed to stay upright. The leader then used his powerful lower and upper body to push Raph backwards a couple of steps. For a moment, the two livid oldest brothers were separated and they took this opportunity to reach for their weapons. Within a fraction of a second, Leo's katanas and Raph's sais were locked together in a heated battle. The two of them were both at their wits' end and their animal instincts had kicked in. They released guttural growls and looked at each other with the same loathing expressions that they would wear if they were facing one of their sworn enemies.

Even after what had just happened, Donnie's first impulse was to try to intervene, but Mikey was quick to pull him away from the fight, afraid that his genius brother would get hurt even worse than he already was. It was then that Mikey noticed the heat radiating off of his big brother's skin.

"Shell, Donnie. You're burning up," Mikey gasped out and his already big eyes just about doubled in size.

"I'm fine, Mikey," Donnie grunted in response, shrugging free of his younger sibling's grip with relative ease.

Mikey hadn't even realized it, but he had loosened his grip on his older brother's upper arm when he had momentarily panicked over his fever. Donnie, on the other hand, had instantly noticed and he had quickly capitalized on his little brother's distress over his elevated body temperature.

"Come on! We have to stop them before they kill each other!" Donnie exclaimed, motioning for Mikey to grab onto Leo as he himself moved towards Raph.

"Dudes! Cut it out!"

As expected, Mikey's two oldest brothers did not listen to him, so he rushed behind Leo and seized hold of his belt. The youngest turtle tugged on the thick band of leather with all of his might, trying to tear Leo off of Raph, but the oldest turtle didn't budge. Not even an inch. Mikey was pretty sure that the belt was going to give way before Leo did, which would be all kinds of awkward, but he kept pulling nonetheless.

Leo and Raph's weapons were still knotted together and they were pushing against one another with every bit of raw power that they had, as if they were both trying to push down an impenetrable wall. Their eyes burned with unforgiving wrath, locked in a death glare on one another.

"Stop it! Please!" Donnie pleaded to no avail.

The genius turtle's efforts to separate his brothers weren't going much better than Mikey's.

Unlike his younger brother, who had gone for the belt, Donnie had opted to wrap his arms around Raph's waist before pulling like mad. The ninja in purple was trying to get a good foothold so he could yank his older brother backwards, but all of his efforts were wasted. Regardless of his obvious height advantage over his hotheaded brother, Donnie had always been the lightest and leanest of the brothers whereas Raph had always been the heaviest and sturdiest of them. This disadvantage in bulk was not working in the genius turtle's favor. He was seriously outmatched for his current tug of war with Raph.

A new strategy was needed.

Donnie released Raph's abdomen and moved alongside his uncontrolled siblings. He decided that his best option would be to attempt to wedge himself between his two older brothers. Keeping a close eye on their weapons, he started to wriggle his good arm between their vice-like hold on each other. His plan was to essentially use his limb as a crowbar to pry them apart. It took a little doing, but he managed to get his arm through far enough so that he could seize Raph by the shoulders and press his elbow against Leo's upper plastron. Donnie then attempted to push Raph off of Leo and further lodge himself between his feuding brothers, thinking that if he somehow jimmied himself into the paper-thin gap between the two of them, he could get them to stop trying to slit each other's throats. His strategy appeared to be working, as the distance separating Leo and Raph began to open up. Donnie then bettered his position and continued to push against Raph's shoulders while Mikey kept pulling on Leo from behind. The katanas and sais finally unlocked, but Donatello was in the wrong place at the wrong time . . .

Free at last, Raph tried to charge his older brother again, but Donnie was standing directly in his line of attack. Blinded by monstrous rage, the temperamental turtle swung his arm out and knocked his genius brother out of his way as callously as he would a Kraangdroid in his path.

Donnie yelped in pain and fell to the floor.

"Raph! What the shell is wrong with you?" Mikey screamed at the top of his lungs, instantly diving to his brainy brother's side.

When Leonardo looked down and saw Donnie crumpled up on the floor, the oldest turtle felt his anger finally start to subside, but the damage had already been done.

The leader in blue wondered how he could have let things get so far out of hand. How could he have lost control like this? How could he have hit Donnie? How could he have let Raph get under his skin so easily? How could he have failed his brothers so badly?

While Leo guiltily stared down at his injured brother, he heard a low growling sound beside him. He turned to see his red-banded brother start to lunge towards him. The oldest turtle raised his katanas up to block his brother's incoming sais just as they were thrust at his shoulders. Had Leo's reaction time been a few seconds slower, his brother would have impaled him. Raph was so berserk with unrestrained fury, he was willing to stab his own brother.

Everything was a total mess . . .

That's when Master Splinter arrived.

"Yamete!" Came their father's thunderous voice as he bolted into the garage. Within seconds of his entrance, he was beside Leonardo and Raphael. Another half second later, his long, bony forefingers were pushed up against pressure points in each of his oldest sons' necks. This disoriented the two turtles enough that they had to release their hold on one another in order to maintain their balance. Once his sons were separated, Master Splinter stopped applying pressure to the reflex points keeping them partially paralyzed.

Still a bit woozy and numb from their temporary loss of muscle function, Leonardo and Raphael gazed up to see that Master Splinter's eyes were smoldering with more anger than any of the boys had ever seen from their normally placid father.

Upon noticing the incensed look creasing his father's features, Leonardo promptly cast his weapons aside and dropped down to his knees, bowing his head in both deference and disgrace. The eldest turtle knew that letting his guard down so quickly provided Raph with the opening needed to strike him down, but he didn't care at this point. All he cared about was how badly he had wronged his family.

Still demented by his animosity, Raphael did not stand down as readily as Leonardo had. Master Splinter could see and feel the ferocity that continued to sear through his second oldest son. There was still a standoffish glint in Raphael's eyes, as though he was considering making another attack, but Master Splinter swiftly put an end to anything of the sort. With one fell swoop, the rat easily took Raphael's feet out from underneath him and his son landed hard on his carapace. It was an unpleasant reminder of why one should not mess with Master Splinter.

Raphael shrunk back in fear as his father raised his walking staff and thrust it downwards. Much to the red-clad turtle's relief, the end of the wooden staff smashed onto the floor, not him, but the sound of the impact resonating throughout the garage made him shudder over what could have been.

"Raphael! Kneel!" Master Splinter ordered with such volume and intensity, it was a wonder he hadn't brought the roof crumbling down upon them.

Though it stung his pride, Raphael immediately followed his father's command and forced himself up onto his knees in submission. As he did so, he set his weapons down in front of him.

It was then that Raphael noticed the blood on his sai and his heart filled with dread at sight. He anxiously looked over at Donatello and saw that he was down on the floor, clutching his shoulder while Mikey hovered over him like a mother hen.

It was then that Raphael realized what he had done . . .

Now that things had settled down a bit, Master Splinter's narrowed eyes darted across the room, visually assessing the situation before him.

His oldest son was panting and hanging his head down in blatant shame, presumably holding himself accountable for whatever wrongdoings had transpired here. This was most likely because he had entrusted Leonardo to assume the role of leader over his brothers and his son did not take that responsibility lightly, to the point that he felt liable for his brothers' every action.

His second oldest son was still breathing heavily, but he looked to be coming down from his anger high. Raphael's entire body was tensed up as he stared over at his two younger brothers. There looked to be a feeling of horror seizing control of him, as though the comprehension of what had happened was slowly sinking in.

His youngest son was visibly stricken by the events that had come to pass. He was protectively crouched next to his purple-clad brother. The usual smile and happiness that graced Michelangelo's face was absent, replaced by an expression of despair.

His second youngest son was down on the floor, clearly wounded. Blood was dripping from his mouth and through his fingers which were clenching his shoulder. His face bore profound sadness and dejection and he looked as though he could barely hold his head up.

"What is the meaning of this? What has happened here?" Master Splinter yelled, turning his head from side to side so he could cast a hardened look at all of his sons. Two of them to his right and two of them to his left.

None of the brothers volunteered to speak up about what had taken place. They were afraid of the consequences that a confession would bring, like four little kids scared to tell their parents the truth for fear of getting into trouble for having done something bad. They all knew that their father would not go easy on them when he found out what had happened. Some sort of discipline would no doubt follow.

Master Splinter frowned over his four sons' lack of response. He thought that he had taught them better than this. In his mind, he distinctly remembered teaching them to always own up to their mistakes.

"Michelangelo, please take Donatello to the laboratory and help him tend to his wounds."

Their father's voice was much quieter than before, but there was still austerity lingering in his tone. It was obvious that he was none too happy with them and they had all found out at a very young age that making their father unhappy did not bode well.

Not seeing a need to test his father's patience, Mikey hurriedly helped Donnie to his unsteady feet.

As his little brother hoisted him up, the genius turtle fought to keep the room from spinning and his stomach from erupting. He momentarily released his grip on his shoulder so that he could hold onto Mikey for support.

"Donnie . . . " Raph softly croaked out his brother's nickname when he saw the deep slash across his shoulder. There was now no doubt in Raphael's mind that the appalling wound had been caused by his sai. The very same sai that was lying on the floor before him, stained with his brother's blood.

In Raph's fit of rage over Leo hurting Donnie, he himself had hurt his second youngest brother. There were no words for the regret that he felt.

Both Leo and Raph stared up at their wounded brother with apologetic eyes.

Unable to face his older brothers, Donnie could only look away, and in doing so, his gaze landed on the blood now oozing down his arm. As he peered over at his shoulder, he could see and feel the swelling on his face. From a medical standpoint, he was in pretty tough shape. His mouth stung, his face was sore, his shoulder and arm burned, his throat and chest hurt, his fever climbed, his stomach roiled, and his head throbbed in time with his broken heart. There was seemingly no end to his misery. Then, the voices in his head began to torment him once again.

" _It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

" _You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

" _You let him take you out!"_

" _You went off and almost got yourself killed!"_

" _I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

" _If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . "_

Donnie pressed his hands over his ear slits and closed his eyes, trying to block out the horrible words, but they hurt. They hurt so very badly. So much more than any of the physical wounds afflicting him. He was drowning in the words and there seemed to be no hope of surfacing. He felt the tears coming on again, and this time, he was powerless to fight them off. After all that had happened, he was too weak to even stop himself from crying anymore.

"Stop! Please!" Donnie cried out, immediately gaining the attention of his whole family.

"Donatello? What is wrong?" Master Splinter asked and his voice was now drenched with concern. The sternness from earlier was completely gone.

The genius turtle slowly cracked his eyes open and looked around only to discover that his entire family was staring at him.

 _Oh, now I have their undivided attention . . ._ Donnie internally groaned.

When the purple-clad ninja had been desperately trying to get his brothers' attention before, they would not give it to him, but now that he was a complete wreck – verging on a nervous breakdown – they willingly handed it to him.

He quickly attempted to compose himself, but he was struggling to create the sleight of face necessary to conceal his anguish. He couldn't let them see him this way. He couldn't let them see him fall apart like this.

"I'm . . . I'm sorry. Sorry for all that's happened . . . S – Sorry for screwing everything up. I'm just . . . I'm so sorry," Donnie choked out with infinite sadness, and with that said, he ran out of the garage with as much speed as his tired legs could rally.

"Donnie!" Mikey called out as he helplessly watched his hurting brother sprint away. He then turned and glared at his two oldest brothers.

"This is totally your fault!" The youngest turtle wailed, pointing an accusing finger at the brothers that he deemed responsible for all of Donnie's pain. The tears plummeted down his light green, freckled cheeks as he shouted, "You hurt Donnie! You hurt him real bad! How could you do that? He's our brother!"

Mikey then covered his face with his hands and started to sob uncontrollably.

Master Splinter was instantly at his hysterical son's side, patting his shell and whispering Japanese words of comfort into his ear slit. This went on for several agonizing minutes.

Upon hearing their baby brother completely lose it, Leo and Raph's heads hung down even lower than they had been before. They now knew that they had hurt both of their little brothers with their selfish actions and the guilt was overwhelming.

Once Michelangelo was consolable again, his father lovingly stroked the back of his scalp with his paw.

"Michelangelo, would you please go check on Donatello? Your brother needs you right now," Master Splinter said in the gentlest of tones, still trying to pacify his youngest child.

After letting out a few more soft whimpers, Mikey nodded. He sniffled and wiped his tears away as he walked out of the garage to go find Donnie.

The gentleness that Master Splinter had shown towards Michelangelo rapidly vanished as he fixed a glare on his two oldest sons.

"Now, one or both of you will tell me exactly what happened here," Splinter instructed and his irritated tone told them that they would be foolish to disobey him.

"This is all my fault, Sensei," Leonardo stated, keeping his head down and his eyes glued to the floor as he began his recount of the events. "Raph and I were arguing and I let my temper get the better of me. Donnie tried to stop us from fighting, but somehow, things got out of control and it escalated into a shouting match between Donnie and I."

Leonardo swallowed thickly, as it was getting harder and harder to speak. Still, he forced himself to continue, even though his voice was getting noticeably quieter as he went on. "I . . . I was frustrated . . . and Donnie . . . he was upset. I should have kept a level head and just walked away, but I said some things that I never should have and Donnie got mad. He . . . he argued with me and I . . . I just lost it. I – "

Never in all of Leonardo's life had the words been so difficult to say to his father as the ones that he spoke next.

" – I hit Donnie."

The shame surging through Leonardo as he uttered those three awful words felt as though it was crushing his insides. He had thought that he had hit rock bottom when he had struck Donnie, but having to tell his father what he had done was a whole new low.

Leonardo drew in a sharp breath and lifted his head up, ready to accept his punishment for what he had done. He then saw the expression written on his father's face and it was almost too much for him to take. It was a countenance of sorrow, disappointment, and hostility all rolled into one.

"I cannot begin to tell you how sorry I am. Please . . . forgive me, father," Leonardo implored, bowing his head yet again.

"You struck your brother in anger and you are asking _me_ for forgiveness? I am most certainly not the one you should be asking forgiveness from," Master Splinter growled, clearly offended by Leonardo's request for absolution.

"Leonardo, as leader, you cannot let your emotions control you. You have accepted the responsibility of leading your brothers, and with that responsibility, comes a great deal of obligation and burden. Above all else, you must stay strong and be the beacon that navigates your brothers to safety. They need you to keep balance at all times and it is critical that you remain calm and steady when faced with danger and hardship. If you cannot keep your feelings in check, you will not be able to protect your brothers."

Leonardo nodded his head as he struggled to hold back his tears. Whenever he closed his eyes, he kept seeing Donnie's head jerk to the side from the harsh blow of his backhand. He kept seeing the blood spill out of his little brother's mouth and the redness and swelling where he had hit him. He kept seeing the hurt and despondent expression on his gentlest brother's face. It was all because of him.

"Sensei . . . I know I've made a terrible, terrible mistake, but I swear to you, as long as there is breath in my body, I will never let something like this happen again. Ever!" Leonardo solemnly vowed, and all the while, his glistening eyes stared deep into his father's dark orbs.

His oldest son's face held such pain and such conviction, Master Splinter felt tears begin to prick his own eyes. His son was so young to be weighed down with so much responsibility. He feared what kind of mental toll such liability would have on his oldest boy. Yes, Leonardo was the most mature of his sons and the most fit to be in command, but he was still only a teenager. It was so much for his son to bear at such a tender age, but the added strain on Leonardo did not make what he had done any less inexcusable.

"I believe you, my son. But I fear that the psychological damage done to your brother may be difficult to mend. Donatello spoke to me earlier today and his spirit was deeply troubled. I believe it has something to do with the way you two have been conducting yourselves as of late," Master Splinter said with a heavy heart as his gaze volleyed back and forth between his two oldest sons.

Leonardo and Raphael glanced at one another as their father continued to speak.

"Do you think I have not seen the rising tension between the both of you these past few months? You are practically at each other's throats even over the smallest of things. Do you think that that tension has not affected your younger brothers as well? Well . . . perhaps not so much Michelangelo, as he can be easily distracted, but Donatello is far more perceptive and he quickly takes things to heart. Words can hurt Donatello just as deeply as any weapon. He has a peaceful soul and your increased bickering affects him more than you realize."

It was at this point that Michelangelo came sprinting back into the garage. He was completely out of breath, as though he had just run a marathon, when in fact, he had only come from Donnie's room. The youngest turtle had always had a particular flair for making a dramatic entrance.

"Sensei! Donnie won't come out of his room! I knocked and knocked 'til my knuckles were sore, but he wouldn't let me in!" Mikey whined, tugging on his father's red robe like a small child would if they wanted something.

In spite of the rather gloomy circumstances, Master Splinter could not stop the corners of his mouth from curving up into a miniscule smile. Michelangelo still had so many childlike qualities about him. Out of all of his sons, his youngest child was by leaps and bounds the most immature, but at the same time, because of this, he was so delightfully innocent and trusting. He was the lighthearted one that brought the most fun and laughter into their lives. During times such as these, his enthusiasm was most needed.

"Do not fret, my son. I suspect that Donatello just needs some time to himself right now. We will check on him after we are done here. Then, perhaps he will get some much-needed rest. He has not been feeling well," Master Splinter said as he petted Michelangelo's cheek softly, trying to settle him down.

"What do you mean Donnie's not feeling well?" The concern in Leonardo's voice as he had asked his question was quite obvious. The oldest turtle then slowly rose to his feet and he was thankful when his father didn't object to him getting up, because his body was seriously beginning to protest being in a kneeling position for so long. Of course, it didn't help that Leo was still trying to recover from Master Splinter's earlier assault on his central nervous system.

Upon seeing Leo stand, Raph followed suit, figuring if his older brother could get up, he would be allowed to as well.

Mikey took this opportunity the chew his two brothers out.

"He's real sick! He's got a bad fever and he hasn't eaten anything or slept in days! Not that either of you care!" Mikey barked and his tone was uncharacteristically bitter. He glowered at his two oldest brothers as though they were evil incarnate.

"Michelangelo, Leonardo has already expressed his deep remorse for what has happened and he has sworn that nothing like this will ever happen again. I am certain that he will make this up to Donatello as best he can," Master Splinter assured his riled youngest son.

"He hit Donnie! How's he gonna make that up? And what about Raph? Huh?" Mikey yowled, aiming a glare at his brother in red.

Raphael gruffly cleared his throat and turned his head away.

Master Splinter had not failed to recognize that his second oldest son had been unusually quiet since the altercation. He had intentionally been giving Raphael a chance to cool off before pressing him for information. He knew that Leonardo would offer up details rather freely, but getting Raphael to open up always proved to be more of a challenge.

"Raphael, it seems as though your brother is quite upset with something that you have done. Is there something you would like to contribute to this conversation?" Master Splinter asked calmly, trying not to compel his son into a confession. He hoped that if he gave his confrontational son a choice to answer, he would not feel cornered and put up his defenses.

"I . . . I don't really know what happened, Sensei. I guess I kind of lost it . . . When I saw Leo hit Donnie, something inside me just sort of snapped and I attacked Leo without thinking. Donnie . . . well, he tried to stop us from fighting, like he always does, but I didn't listen. I was too shell-bent on taking Leo down. Then, when Donnie got in my way, I – " Raphael paused for a moment, struggling to find the right words. Like Leonardo, he was having an extraordinarily difficult time admitting what he had done. He felt as though he had failed his father in the worst possible way. He had hurt his own brother.

Gnashing his teeth together and releasing a heavy sigh, Raph then managed to finish the sentence that he had started. " – I knocked him to the ground with no regard for his safety. I didn't even hesitate. I just lashed out at him with my sai. I was so dead set on getting vengeance on Leo for hurting Donnie, and then . . . then I went and hurt him, just like Leo. What's worse is that I didn't even show any remorse for it. I just ignored him while he laid there bleeding," Raph uttered, staring down at the blood stains on the floor where Donnie had been.

An awkward silence settled over the room, as they all were lost in their thoughts.

Eventually, it was the oldest and wisest one who broke the silence.

"Tell me something. What was it that started this disagreement?" Master Splinter asked, resting both of his paws atop his walking staff and standing perfectly still, as though he was a statue. Had there been pigeons in the garage, they would have done their business on him.

Leonardo and Raphael exchanged confused glances, and then, looked back up at their father.

"What difference does that make now?" Raph huffed, demonstrating his usual lack of patience.

"Perhaps it makes all the difference, Raphael. You have revealed to me that you both struck your brother out of anger. Surely, the reason for your initial argument must have been of the utmost importance. To be that enraged . . . I am most certain that the grounds for the quarrel must have been of great consequence and magnitude," Master Splinter remarked in a tone that was saturated with cynicism.

Leonardo's mouth drooped sadly and he lowered his head yet again, gaping down at his feet. He wondered how their Sensei could possibly be so perceptive and omniscient all of the time. Was it that their father was able to read minds or was it because he and his brothers were that hopelessly predictable?

"Raph and I were fighting over whether Donnie should have been working on what I had asked him to do or what Raph had asked him to do," Leonardo groaned and his face flushed with humiliation. At the time, it had seemed significant, but in hindsight, it was truly petty. Especially after all that had just occurred . . .

"So you mean to tell me that you two were arguing over what Donatello should and should not be doing right in front of him?" Master Splinter asked in disbelief. He now had a much better understanding of why his intelligent son had gotten cross with them.

Both Leonardo and Raphael responded with a barely perceptible nod, and then, they stared down at their feet, embarrassed by the truth that had just come to light.

"I worry that we have all become overly dependent on Donatello's special talents. We oftentimes request too much of him, and because of your brother's good nature, he has a tendency to forsake his own tasks as well as his needs in order to please us. Earlier today, when I noticed that Donatello was not feeling well, I asked him to get some rest, but he was not willing to do so because he felt that finishing up your projects was more important than his own health. Sometimes, I fear that we take your brother's extensive knowledge and unique skills for granted," Master Splinter said with a deep frown, remembering how upset his quietest son had been when he had spoken to him in the afternoon. He was now concerned about what kind of effect this recent incident would have on Donatello's already damaged psyche.

"Yeah! And I worry about what you guys said to Donnie the night he got attacked! He was injured and you should have been nice to him and stuff, but you were cruel and not . . . well, nice," Michelangelo chimed in, trying to sound all wise and serious like his father, but it wound up an epic fail at best. His tone was totally wrong and the words were not deep and meaningful Splinter-type words.

' _Much to learn, you still have_ ,' Mikey reminded himself, mentally quoting the famous words of another legendary master near and dear to his heart.

 _Oh, Master Yoda, is there nothing you can't do, dude?_ Mikey wondered, temporarily getting lost in yet another one of his bizarre 'Star Wars' fantasies. His ultimate dream come true would be to master the force and be as smart and uber-cool as Yoda. In Mikey's eyes, being the first ever Jedi ninja knight would be the sweetest thing since sliced pizza.

Meanwhile, back in reality, his family just stood there shaking their heads while the youngest turtle stared off into space, both literally and figuratively. They all recognized the vacant gape on Mikey's face and realized that they would have to wait a few moments for him to come back down to Earth.

 _A mind is a terrible thing to waste_ , Raph thought, rolling his eyes impatiently.

Once the orange-clad ninja appeared to have snapped out of his daydream, Master Splinter was the first to ask Mikey for further clarification on what he had said seconds before zoning out.

"What do you mean, my son? Is there something you have not told me about the night that Donatello was attacked?" Master Splinter inquired, arching an eyebrow curiously. He was not aware of anything that had occurred between his sons that night. He had only been told of the lone Foot Soldier and Donatello's fall from the fire escape.

"When Donnie got hurt the other night, the guys chewed him out for going after that Foot Soldier on his own. They said he was stupid and not a strong fighter! And now he's beating himself up 'cause he thinks he's weak and a screw-up. And then tonight, Leo went and told him that he was incapable of taking down one Foot Soldier right before he hit him!" Mikey pointed out, not concerning himself with being a tattletale.

Normally, Leo and Raph would have given Mikey grief about his big mouth, but in this rare case, their baby brother snitching them out was actually warranted. Now that the oldest turtles realized how badly they had hurt Donnie, the two of them just wanted to hide inside of their shells.

Master Splinter shook his head in disgust. The mental damage done to his second youngest son was much worse than he had initially feared. He now understood why his most intelligent son was so brokenhearted. His older brothers, whom he had always looked up to and tried to impress, had told him that he was inferior, both intellectually and physically. Master Splinter had seen firsthand what a profound effect this had had on Donatello's psychological state. To make matters worse, after making him feel inferior, Leonardo and Raphael had had the audacity to ask Donatello to work on their projects, most likely causing their younger brother to drop everything that he had been working on because their things were more important than his. Then, to top it all off, they had injured him physically because he had tried to speak up and keep the peace. They had attacked their brother, who was the least prone to violence, all because he had tried to help them.

The potential emotional repercussions of his two oldest sons' cruel acts against Donatello was of great concern to Splinter. Donatello was the most withdrawn and reserved of his sons. He had always been very quiet compared to his three more social and confident brothers, and he was somewhat reclusive, having a propensity to keep his pain and suffering to himself. What would this do to him? Would he shut them out completely?

Master Splinter shuddered at the possible path of self-destruction that could follow the events of this night. Donatello was already allowing himself to become ill without contest, as if caring for his ailments was of no value. It scared Splinter to think that his second youngest child knew that he was sick, and yet, he had done nothing to take care of himself. He worried that it was because his son no longer cared about himself and he could not see his own worth.

This latest event would only worsen the situation . . .

Though it was not his oldest sons' intention to emotionally cripple their brother, they had indeed crippled him. Master Splinter just hoped that the harm that had been done these past few days was reversible.

A flicker of anger started to burn inside of the Ninjutsu master, but he closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, pushing the anger away so that he could keep his thoughts collected. This was something that his oldest sons should have done before assaulting their brother.

"Haji no tame. You have wounded your brother, both physically and mentally, and you will find a way to make amends for what you have done to him," Master Splinter informed his two oldest boys and there was a no-nonsense look on his face that let them know that this was not up for debate. He lowered his whiskers and knit his white eyebrows as he slowly started to pace back and forth between the two of them.

"Hai, Sensei," Leonardo said, bowing his head in respect.

Raphael grunted out the same two words and bowed his head as well.

"When I spoke to Donatello earlier in the day, he was very distraught. Do you know why that was?" As Master Splinter asked the question, he glanced at his sons, waiting to see how they would react.

Leonardo and Raphael had a pretty good hunch that they knew what the answer to the question was, but they chose not to respond, figuring it was best to just keep their mouths shut. They were sure that their father would offer up the answer either way. He had that 'I'm going to lecture you now' gleam in his eye.

When no response followed, Master Splinter let out a long "hmmm" sound and kept pacing.

Just as Leonardo and Raphael had suspected, their father answered his own question.

"It was because your brother was worried that he was not strong enough to fight beside you. He asked if he was a disappointment to me and said he wished that he was strong like his brothers," Master Splinter pointed out, clearly intent on doling out a guilt trip. It had worked. Leonardo and Raphael both frowned at this new revelation.

"My sons, Donatello is more than aware that he was not born with the same natural fighting abilities as the three of you. The art of Ninjutsu does not come as easily to him as it does to you, so he must work very hard to remain at your skill level. Do you know why he does this?"

Again, no response followed their father's question. Leonardo and Raphael knew this type of monologue far too well. Even if they had chosen to answer, no matter what they would have said, it would have been wrong anyway. It was all part of an exercise in humility.

"It is because he looks up to you and wants you to approve of him. Donatello does not fight because he wants to. He fights because you three do. The main reason your brother trains in our art is not because he desires to be a great ninja warrior someday. It is because it is what his family does and he wants only to be accepted and to fit in. Knowing this, how do you think Donatello felt when you told him that he was weaker than you and you insinuated that he was unintelligent?" Master Splinter quizzed and he stopped in front of Raphael, leaning unnervingly close to his son's face. He then walked over to Leonardo and repeated the same process. He could see both of his oldest sons looking away and squirming with anxiety.

As the wise old rat watched his sons fidget, a slight sneer passed his lips. He was pleased to see that he was succeeding in making his oldest sons uncomfortable. That was the point of the lesson.

"Your brother is wounded both inside and out because of what you have done. I trust that you will both learn from what has happened here and I hope that you now have a better understanding of how much anger and words can hurt. As I said before, you will find a way to make it up to Donatello and learn to appreciate him more."

Their father's instructions were not necessary. They would have done exactly what he had just told them to do had he not spoken it, but they nodded their acceptance of his assignment, nevertheless.

"And you should learn to listen to him more, too!" Mikey chipped in and he paused to glare at his two big brothers for a moment before elaborating on what he had meant. "Donnie tried to tell you he was going after that Foot Soldier, but you just told him to shut up! You ignored him, and then, you totally bit his head off for going after the dude on his own! And he tried to tell you something before you hit him, but you wouldn't even let him talk! Lately, you've done nothing but ignore him and treat him like he's not good enough! Well, now he thinks he's a failure! Is that what you wanted? Is it? 'Cause you guys have made him feel like the only thing that he's good for is fixing your stuff, and you've got him so down in the dumps, he doesn't even think he does that good anymore!"

When Michelangelo appeared to be done with his rant, Master Splinter eyed his two oldest sons, who were once again hanging their heads down.

"It would appear that the two of you have much work to be done. And _this_ project comes first."

"Hai, Sensei," Leonardo and Raphael simultaneously responded. They then turned and walked away.

As Master Splinter watched his two sons leave the garage, he felt his stomach twist with apprehension. Ever since his conversation with Donatello in the lab earlier in the day, he had not been able to shake the feeling that something dark was coming. He had assumed that what had just transpired was the looming darkness that he had sensed, but if it was, why did he still feel so uneasy?

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I sure hope that you liked this chapter. Please continue to review/favorite/follow this story if you are enjoying it. I would love to know. Thank you very much for reading. ;) CJ**_

 _ ***I would like to take a moment to thank all of my 'LITF' guest reviewers out there, including 'Alex,' 'Heather,' 'CJTST Fanatic/YNHND Fanatic,' 'StitcherBell,' 'Gabbs,' and 'Scrap of Paper.' THANK YOU! I can't send you PM's each week to thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, so I really wanted to let you know how much I truly appreciate your feedback.**_

 _ **Having said that, I would also like to thank**_ _ **ALL**_ _ **of my reviewers on this site. I received 26 reviews for last week's chapter. That is amazing! THANK YOU SO MUCH! It is so kind of you to take the time to comment on my stories and I always love hearing from you. You are all wonderful and I am incredibly grateful for the support. ;) CJ**_


	8. Chapter 8 - A Sorry State

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's Chapter 8 of 'Lost in the Fight' and it contains some classic Raph moments. XD**_

 _ **A great big thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story. Thank you so much for sticking with me week after week. Everyone has been so incredibly kind and supportive. I appreciate it more than I can say. =} *hugs***_

 _ **If you are enjoying 'LITF,' please continue to favorite/follow/review so I know that you like it. Your feedback means a lot to me. Thank you for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 8 – A Sorry State**

Leonardo wasn't really sure just how many times he had rapped his knuckles against the door to Donatello's room now, but it had to be getting close to the hundred mark.

"Donnie, I know you can hear me. Please open the door. We just want to talk to you," Leo pleaded yet again, laying the sweetness on extra thick. Anything to get his genius brother to say something. The oldest turtle had been standing outside of Donatello's door for about fifteen minutes now and he was starting to feel a little silly talking to the large arched doorway.

Still no response followed.

Leo was seriously starting to wonder why he kept knocking over and over again. It wasn't like Donnie didn't know that they were there, but for some reason, the turtle in blue still felt obligated to knock each time before he spoke. Maybe it was because he knew that his most considerate and polite brother would extend him the same courtesy if the situation was reversed.

"Please, Donnie . . . I know that we messed up, big time, and I don't blame you for not wanting to see us, but could you please let us come in? If only just for a minute . . . We'd rather apologize to you face-to-face." Leo's voice cracked with emotion as he attempted to persuade his brainy brother to allow them entrance. He didn't want to just go barging into Donnie's room like his other brothers probably would have. After what Leo had done to make his genius brother lock himself inside of his bedroom, he felt duty-bound to respect his brother's bid for privacy, but at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to sit down beside Donnie and tell him how sorry he was.

 _For everything_ . . .

And so, Leo knocked again.

Raph leaned his shell against the wall outside of Donnie's room and tipped his head back, looking up at the ceiling impatiently. He so wasn't cut out for this waiting around crap. If he would have had his way, they would have busted down the door about fourteen minutes ago. After all, they already had plenty of things to ask for forgiveness for at this point. What would be the harm in adding a broken bedroom door to the list? The only reason that Raphael hadn't kicked the door down yet was because Leonardo had insisted that they not do anything to further upset Donnie, and since Raph had just agreed to set his differences with Leo aside for their brainiac brother's sake, he figured he should at least try to get along with his older brother for the time being. Plus, Raph knew that Master Splinter would skin him alive if he ruined yet another door in the lair, and he was already on his father's bad side as it was.

Heaving out an audible exhale to express his disapproval of their current situation, Raph rolled his eyes skyward, and then, cranked his head towards Leo. The hotheaded turtle was about to complain once more, but he thought better of it when he saw the crushed expression on his older brother's face.

Leonardo had his right hand pressed against Donnie's door and his head slumped forward, looking down at the floor in utter defeat.

There was no doubt in Raph's mind that his older brother was beating himself up inside for all that had happened.

 _Typical Leo, trying to make himself a martyr for anything that goes wrong . . ._

It drove Raph crazy that his older brother felt this heroic need to suffer for every stinking cause there was, as if he were singlehandedly at fault for everything that was wrong with the world – Shredder, the Kraang, global warming, endangered species, hip-hop pants . . . _everything_. It was as if Leo thrived off of being in pain. Perhaps he suffered from some sort of strange medical condition where he actually enjoyed mental torment. Raph wondered if maybe Donnie and that big brain of his could diagnose whatever it was and get the 'fearless' leader some pills to fix it.

 _Then, maybe we wouldn't have to put up with Saint Leonardo anymore . . ._

Of course, Donnie wouldn't be able to diagnose or fix anything if he refused to come out of his room for the rest of his life.

 _This is stupid_ , Raph thought, cracking his joints impatiently. He then sidestepped over to the door and pounded on it with both fists.

On the off chance that Donnie had been sleeping, Leo had been trying to be a bit more subtle in his approach, so as not to startle his unwell brother.

Unfortunately, Raphael was the polar opposite of subtle. If Leo had to venture a comparison, he would say that Raph was to subtle and restrained as Shredder was to cute and cuddly.

"Aw, come on, Donnie! Open up! Lame-O-nardo here's gonna start crying pretty soon if you don't!" Raph howled, thumping on the door some more.

Leo glared over at his immediate younger brother, nonverbally letting him know that his usual boorish way of handling things was not helping matters any.

In response to his older brother's glare, Raph simply shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'What?' He didn't think that he had done anything to warrant such an expression. Heck, he had actually thought that his intentions had been fairly good for a change. After all, he hadn't lost his temper, cursed, or punched anything yet, other than the door. That was a feat in and of itself. He had figured that Leo would be impressed with his self-control, not offended by it.

As Raph just stood there staring at him, Leonardo began to make a bunch of hand signals, clearly trying to convey some sort of silent message, but the red-clad turtle was not following the wordless clues. He must have missed these gestures in the ninja playbook. Either that or Leo was once again working under the false assumption that everyone was on the same wavelength as him.

Wrinkling his face up in confusion, Raph shook his head from side to side to indicate that he did not understand what it was that Leo was trying to communicate to him. Still, the ninja in blue continued to play his undecipherable little game of charades, making Raph throw his hands up in aggravation.

Now, it was Leonardo's turn to shake his head.

"Try being nice," Leo attempted to whisper, but it came out more like a hissing noise due to his frustration with Raph's inability to read his sign language.

"I was," Raph hissed back, immediately tensing up.

So much for setting their differences aside . . .

With a scowl strewn across his face, Leonardo quietly, but sullenly asked, "How is that being nice?"

Raph let out a muffled growl, making sure that Donnie wouldn't hear it from the other side of the door.

"Fine," the hothead snorted out, and then, he tried talking to his brainiac brother again. "Mikey's worried about you, Donnie. Master Splinter is, too." As Raph spoke, he did his best to sound reassuring, but it came off sounding rather awkward and painful. Almost like he was being forced to speak . . . or like he was constipated.

Leo motioned for Raph to keep going, further testing the temperamental turtle's patience with his continued hand gesturing. Raph had a particular hand gesture in mind that he was considering flipping at his big brother. However, he opted to keep his obscene gesture to himself, assuming that doing something that could potentially instigate another argument between he and Leo would sort of defeat their purpose for being there. Plus, if they started fighting again, Sensei would de-shell them for sure.

"We're . . . we're all real worried about you, Donnie," Raph said, his voice getting more sincere as he went on. He paused for a moment before saying, "I'm . . . I'm worried about you, Donnie. I'm sorry for hurting you, little brother. I was a total jerk and I'm sorry, okay? Please, Donnie . . . Let us come in."

In the history of apologies, Raph's rare and feeble attempts at asking for forgiveness had to go down in the record books as some of the worst of all time. They all knew from experience that the turtle in red was lousy at admitting he was wrong and saying he was sorry, but this particular apology did not suck nearly as much as his normal attempts at apologizing. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the best of the best, Leo would have given it a solid seven, which meant that Raph must have been feeling really, _really_ bad about what he had done, for it had been years since he had scored anything higher than a three.

Leo gave Raph an enthusiastic thumbs up, but the younger turtle was quick to slap the hand away in annoyance, as one would a bothersome insect buzzing around them. Raph was pretty sure that his older brother was the biggest dork on the planet.

In the meantime, Donatello's room remained silent, even after Raph's above average apology.

"Donnie, we're trying to apologize here," Raph groaned and he jiggled the handle of the door, hoping that it might inspire his younger brother to finally let them in. It was then that Raphael noticed that the door to Donnie's room was not locked.

The red-masked turtle glanced back over his shoulder at Leo for a moment before pushing the door open.

Raph entered the bedroom with much less swagger and confidence than normal, afraid of what kind of state that his little brother would be in when they found him. He wasn't sure if Donnie would be angry, depressed, sick, crying, or maybe a combination of the four.

Once inside, Raphael's green eyes swept over the room. There were miscellaneous gadgets, projects, text books, and magazines scattered on the random pieces of wooden furniture in the small space, which came as no surprise. Raph had expected to see these things, but what he hadn't expected to see was that Donnie's bed was neatly made and the laptop on his nightstand was in power-saving mode, telling him that the genius turtle hadn't used it for a while. That was because the genius turtle wasn't in his room.

"What the shell? I just apologized for nothing? He isn't even in here!" Raph growled in obvious disgust and his hands clenched into fists.

Paying no attention to Raph's grumbling, Leo glanced around the room nervously. There was no sign that Donatello had been there anytime recently. The oldest turtle suddenly got an uneasy feeling that something was very, very wrong. It had been at least a half hour or more – maybe even pushing an hour – since their injured brother had run off to what they had assumed was his room. Standing there in the Donnie-less space made Leo's heart sink like a boulder.

"Maybe he snuck into his lab," Leonardo thought out loud. He was trying desperately to convince himself that Donnie had somehow managed to slip past all of them and was just down in his laboratory, tinkering away on things, but the pit of the oldest brother's gut was telling him otherwise. There was an unsettling feeling of horror rapidly growing inside of him.

Leo wasn't the only turtle in the room starting to panic . . .

Without exchanging another word, the two oldest brothers then sprinted towards the lab.

* * *

If Donatello ever went into any kind of junkyard-related vocation, he would make it his personal mission in commerce to organize things so as to make the business more user-friendly. Even if the namesake of the establishment implied that it was just a bunch of junk, there was no logical reason why there couldn't be some semblance of order to said 'junk.' Besides, not everyone who frequented such facilities thought of the contents inside as actual 'junk.' The turtle in purple was a prime example of this. What he saw in the discarded merchandise before him was limitless potential.

 _After all, one man's trash is another turtle's treasure_ . . . Donnie quipped to himself while he eagerly gazed at the 'treasures' that stretched out as far as the eye could see.

As he stood there staring ahead, a sudden unidentifiable noise from behind the genius turtle startled him out of his thoughts and abruptly pulled him back into reality. With lightning fast speed, Donatello spun around and instantly assumed a defensive position, preparing for an incoming attack. He then set eyes upon his foe. A vicious, heartless, terrifying . . .

 _Hubcap?_

Yes, it had been nothing more than a hubcap. Presumably, the wind or gravity itself had dislodged it from a pile of junk and the rusty wheel cover had rolled to a stop just a little ways from where the panicked turtle was now standing.

Donnie's already rosy cheeks darkened with humiliation as he realized that a hubcap had just managed to get the drop on him, nearly sending him into cardiac arrest in the process.

 _Some ninja I am . . ._

The small consolation was that no one had been around to witness the rather embarrassing incident.

Donnie was certainly grateful that his 'adversary' had turned out to be an inanimate object and not the junkyard owner out making their rounds, like he had initially assumed when he had first heard the noise.

The turtle in purple _really_ had no desire to run into the property-owner of the land that he was currently trespassing on. Not just because he didn't want to get caught, but also because he had always been a little scared of people who owned and operated junkyards. This was no doubt thanks to the television and film industry, which had created the stereotype that junkyard landlords were typically toothless, dim-witted whackjobs with a heavy drawal. Donnie's preconceived mental image of such individuals was that they donned filthy bib overalls and a ratty old baseball cap while toting around a loaded shotgun as they roamed the premises with their ferocious guard dog, named either Rufus or Cletus, who only knew the command 'sick 'em.' While Donatello was almost positive that this was a wholly erroneous and unfair typecast of junkyard proprietors, he had never felt a pressing need to test that hypothesis. He preferred keeping it an unsolved mystery and staying undetected by humans.

Still slightly spooked by the auto part altercation, Donnie drew in a couple of ragged breaths in an attempt to settle himself down and dampen his paranoia. He had a sudden nagging feeling that someone was watching him, but he knew that his suspicions were just a result of his overactive imagination, which had been fueled by the whole hubcap scare.

Once he was calm enough to move again, he made a quick mental note to be more aware of his surroundings before he went back to searching the grounds.

Donnie was presently standing at the bottom of a rather huge mound of tangled scrap metal and miscellaneous clutter. He looked up in wide-eyed wonder, not even sure where to begin. Finding the right parts in a mountain of twisted and knotted debris was going to be about as easy as finding a needle in a haystack, and there were dozens of haystacks to go through. The odds of him finding the particular parts that he needed were somewhat astronomical, but he didn't mind so much. The longer it took him to find what he was searching for, the increased likelihood of him finding a wide variety of other items that he didn't even know he was searching for. He always managed to come home with at least a couple of bonus finds on his scavenger hunts.

Tonight was no exception.

He had already rummaged through a couple of smaller piles of salvage and failed to find any of the items on his short shopping list, but he had managed to find a like-new set of front brake pads for the Stealth Bike and a decent pair of strut assemblies with coil springs and upper mounts for the Shellraiser. These parts alone had made the trip worthwhile and he couldn't disguise that he was a tad giddy over the lucky finds. Had his brothers been there, they would have made fun of him for acting like a kid in a candy store.

At the mere thought of his brothers, Donnie's moment of giddiness died instantly and his expression contorted into a grimace. His siblings were probably still on the receiving end of an epic lecture from Master Splinter. His father did not look at all pleased when he had last seen him and an angered Master Splinter was a longwinded Master Splinter. When Sensei got on a roll, some of his lectures could go on for what felt like decades.

Donnie let out a rough sigh, which inadvertently caused him to cough several times in order to clear his airway. While he did so, he could see his breath dance about in front of his face in wispy puffs due to the cold night air. He was not sure what was making him shiver more: the chilly temperature outside or the fever plaguing him inside. He vigorously rubbed his hands together, hoping to generate some friction, and subsequently, some much-needed body heat. He would have to head back soon or he would develop hypothermia on top of everything else that ailed him.

Going home was something that he was definitely not looking forward to.

In hindsight, he probably should have never left the lair. More importantly, he probably should have at least told someone that he was leaving. That was an oversight his family wasn't going to take very lightly . . .

Donnie wasn't quite sure what he had been thinking when he had bolted out of the lair without bothering to let his family know where he was going. In actuality, he hadn't been thinking at all. After what had happened, his mind hadn't exactly been firing on all cylinders. Leaving had just seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but the farther from home that he had gone, the more he had questioned his decision to leave. He was suffering from multiple injuries, his body ached all over, he was coming down with some kind of illness or infection, and now, he was freezing cold.

He wasn't about to deny that it hadn't really been the ideal time to go out on a parts run, but by the time that his brain had started functioning properly again, he had already reached the scrap yard.

His family was going to be beyond ticked off at him when they discovered that he had left without saying a word or even leaving a note. Especially after everything that had transpired the past few days. Apparently, the lesson from all of this had been lost on him, for there he was, off on his own, seemingly trying to repeat the same mistake that had led to this whole mess to begin with.

 _I guess they're right. I really am stupid . . ._

The voices in his head chimed in without sympathy.

 _"I expect that kind of reckless behavior from Raph, but not you. You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _You weren't thinking, Donnie. Not at all."_

The coldness in the words made him shiver even worse than he already was.

He wrapped his arms around his torso for warmth and winced at the pain that the motion caused his shoulder. He then gazed at the bandages that he had carelessly slapped over the gash made by Raph's sai. The blood seeping through the dressings served as a painful reminder of why he had fled the lair in the first place. His shoulder probably needed stitches, but in his haste to leave, he had instead grabbed a handful of bandages from the infirmary and thrown them into his duffle bag before departing the lair. When he had arrived at the junkyard, he had done a quickie patch job on the injury, knowing full well that the laceration was going to require further medical treatment. He would have to ask Master Splinter to help him treat the wound properly when he got back to the lair, as he most likely would not be able to stitch it on his own.

Again, he found himself dreading his return home and the severe scolding that was sure to follow.

 _Maybe it would be best if I just didn't go home at all . . . Maybe everyone would be better off . . ._

Donatello immediately shook his head, pushing those awful thoughts into the farthest recesses of his brain, ashamed that they had even crossed his mind. He then forced himself to think about something else – _anything_ else! Not surprisingly, he found himself wondering about his brothers.

He was guessing that they had probably decided to skip patrol for the night. After all, his older brothers had just tried to kill each other. Something told him that that had most likely scratched going out for a night on the town together off of their list of things to do for the evening.

Each of his brothers had their own unique way of coping with the aftermath of a fight.

Of course Raph's way of dealing with things was to get angry.

 _No real shocker there . . ._

Odds were that once Master Splinter finished with his lecture, Raph would stomp off to his room or storm out of the lair in a huff to go off and brood somewhere. Sometimes, when Raph got his bandana ruffled, he'd head to the surface to roam the rooftops solo, or worse, he'd hook up with Casey Jones. The two of them would go out looking for trouble just to blow off some pent-up steam. It didn't seem like the most constructive way to cool one's jets, but if beating the tar out of some Foot Soldiers, Purple Dragons, or Kraangdroids made his highly volatile big brother simmer down, Donnie supposed he shouldn't question it. Whatever kept the hotheaded turtle from using them as the objects of his aggression was in all of their best interests.

Then, there was Leo. Following a fight with his siblings, the oldest turtle would either retire to his room to practice his meditation techniques, or he would head off to the Dojo to do some katas. His way of coping with discord was to train even harder so that he could make himself a better leader.

Leo was constantly second-guessing his abilities as a leader, and to him, any form of conflict between his brothers was an indicator of incompetence on his part. He took his role as the team leader much more seriously than any of his brothers would have, which was probably why Master Splinter had been so quick to grant Leonardo's request to be in charge of the team. The problem was, ever since Leo had taken command, his personality had changed to suit his new role. When it came to learning the art of Ninjutsu, Leonardo had always been the most disciplined and committed of the brothers, but now that he was the designated leader, he lived and breathed Ninjutsu, wanting nothing more than to personify it, if only to please his father. The blue-clad ninja relentlessly trained, studied, and strategized, forever striving to be the epitome of leadership.

While Donnie technically didn't think that there was anything wrong with being that dedicated to a cause, it seemed like lately, his oldest sibling had forgotten how to lighten up and have fun anymore. Actually, it seemed like lately, Leo had forgotten how to be their brother anymore. Becoming the ideal leader had become more important to him.

Just thinking about how Leo couldn't remember how to lighten up and have fun made Donnie's thoughts immediately turn to his younger brother. Unlike Leonardo, Mikey was all about fun.

After a fight between his brothers, Mikey . . . Well, he just did his 'Mikey' thing, acting like nothing had happened. Donnie could never fully understand how his baby brother could do it. How he could just let things slide, like they hadn't even come to pass. How he could stay so perpetually upbeat and optimistic, as though he didn't have a care in the world. Donnie envied that about Mikey. He truly did.

But as positive and easygoing as the youngest turtle was, he was also the one who would always get the most upset when one of his brothers was hurt. Mikey may have been able to shut off the troubles of the outside world and tune out sibling rivalries, but when a member of the family was harmed or in danger, the turtle in orange was the first to fall apart, not afraid to let his emotions run rampant.

Donnie flinched at the realization that once his family became aware that he was not there, Mikey would completely freak out and it would be all his fault.

 _Way to go_ , _Genius_ . . .

On top of everything else that had gone horribly wrong that night, Donnie had now gone and done something that could possibly traumatize his younger brother. The same brother who had done nothing but try to help him . . . Mikey didn't deserve to be hurt like that.

Donnie's thoughts then turned to his father and how distressed he was going to be when he found out that he had run off without so much as a word. Like Mikey, Master Splinter certainly didn't deserve to be worried by his irresponsible actions, either. He, too, had only been trying to help.

 _And the award for outstanding achievement in being the worst son and brother category goes t_ o . . . Donnie groaned in his head, mentally reprimanding himself for his bad decision.

His older brothers' voices were back once again to criticize him . . .

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

They were right . . . What he had done was stupid . . . _He_ was stupid . . . And selfish . . .

Again, he should have never left the lair . . .

Donnie had get back home as soon as possible before he caused any more damage. He didn't want his family worrying about him and he most certainly didn't want them to go out looking for him. The last thing that he needed on his already guilty conscience was for something to happen to them while they were out searching for him. He couldn't stand the thought of one of them possibly getting hurt because he had made yet another mistake.

 _"Mistakes are something we cannot afford right now, Donatello."_

 _"What you did was incredibly dangerous and stupid, all right. Here I thought Mikey was the bonehead of the family."_

Donnie closed his eyes as his brothers' words cut deeper, but he only allowed himself to focus on his despair for a fleeting moment. He couldn't waste any more time on feeling sorry for himself. What he needed to focus on was getting back to his family. Maybe there was still a chance that they hadn't actually noticed that he was missing yet. Maybe, just maybe, he could get back to the lair before they even realized that he was gone and sneak inside without detection. Being a ninja and all, he certainly possessed the skills to do so.

Then, as if to further stress the necessity to return home, a nasty coughing fit seized hold of him without warning. Bending forward slightly, he covered his mouth with one hand and held onto his sore chest with his other as the air uncontrollably expelled from his lungs. As near as he could tell, his body was trying to exorcise his internal organs.

Once the violent hacking spell subsided, Donnie stood there wheezing, patiently waiting for his breathing to return to somewhat normal. After a few seconds or so, taking in air came slightly easier, although he could still hear and feel a faint rattle in his chest. The doctor part of him was assessing his mounting symptoms, but now was not the time to be diagnosing what was wrong with him. He could worry about that when he got back to the lair.

Hiking his duffle bag strap further up on his good shoulder, Donatello took one last look around and turned to head back towards the exit of the junkyard. He had only taken a few steps forward when he heard something move behind him once again, which made him stop in his tracks.

This time, the noise had definitely not been made by an inanimate object.

A chill slithered up and down Donatello's spine, and it wasn't from the cold of the night or the fever ravaging his body.

Over the sounds of the howling wind and the various creaks and moans resounding throughout the junkyard, Donnie could distinctly hear footsteps approaching him, and he was sure that they weren't from any of his brothers.

Whoever it was had kept perfectly silent as they moved within striking distance of him, and now that they had seen that he was motioning to leave, they were suddenly making no attempts to conceal their advances. This someone or something had been stalking him, perhaps the whole time that he had been there, just waiting for the right time to make their move.

The genius turtle mentally cursed himself, realizing that he should have trusted his gut earlier when he had suspected that someone was watching him instead of just chalking it up to his imagination.

As the footsteps drew closer, Donnie instinctively pulled his bo-staff out of the sheath on his back and readied himself for a confrontation.

He had a bad feeling that whoever or whatever it was coming towards him wasn't the least bit friendly . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Uh-oh! Donnie's in trouble . . . Who's it going to be? 0_0**_

 _ **As always, please continue to review/favorite/follow this story if you are enjoying it. I really would love to know if you like 'Lost in the Fight.' Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	9. Chapter 9 - Lost and Found

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 9 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and this one is extremely intense. I repeat, EXTREMELY intense. **_

_**Thank you very, very much to everyone who has read, 'favorited,' followed, and reviewed this story. I am so grateful to all of you. Your kindness and support has been absolutely wonderful. =}**_

 _ **Once again, please continue to favorite/follow/review so I know that you are enjoying my story. I LOVE the feedback! Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 9 – Lost and Found**

The youngest turtle shifted his shocked gaze from brother to brother at least six times before he could fully process the news that they had just delivered.

"What do you mean he's not in his room?" Mikey whined and he pushed himself up off of the bench-like couch that he had been vegging out on when his big brothers had entered the main living space of the lair. By the time the orange-clad ninja had even gotten to his feet, Leonardo had already disappeared inside of Donatello's lab, leaving poor Mikey all alone with his scariest brother.

"Exactly what part of 'he's not in his room' don't you get, shell for brains? I thought it was pretty self-explanatory!" Raph crisply bellowed as he breezed past Mikey to follow Leo into the laboratory.

"But his bedroom door was closed." Mikey was quick to jump to his own defense, feeling as though he needed to vindicate himself. When his two oldest brothers had announced that Donnie was not in his bedroom, the youngest sibling had gotten the impression that they had been accusing him of something.

"So is mine, Doofus! But obviously I'm not in there, am I? Do me a favor, Mikey! Next time you're sent to check on somebody, try opening the door!" Raph growled as he stomped into the lab. He was seriously resisting the urge to slap Mikey in the back of the head, but he figured after what had happened with Donnie earlier, any act of physical violence against another brother would go severely punished by Master Splinter, even if Mikey really, _really_ deserved it.

Unfazed by the bark in his cranky brother's tone, Mikey closely followed the red-clad turtle into their genius brother's lab. So closely, he accidentally bumped into Raph's carapace when his older brother stopped his momentum without warning.

Mikey let out a nervous chuckle and cowered behind his hands, anticipating that Raph was about to smack him and start yelling at him for being an idiot, but in a rather strange turn of events, his bad-tempered big brother didn't get mad. Not at all. In fact, he hadn't even seemed to have noticed.

 _Okay, that's totally messed up . . ._ Mikey thought, squinting in confusion. It was then that the youngest turtle noticed that Raph was just standing there, staring at Leo with a rather odd expression. The two oldest brothers looked as though they were about to be sick.

The fear written on Leo's face said it all.

Mikey suddenly felt a little queasy himself.

"So where the shell is he?" Raph asked in a voice that was meant to sound agitated, but the worry behind his gruff words was obvious.

The hotheaded turtle had seen the heartbroken look on Donnie's face after he had hurt him, and now, his genius brother was missing, no doubt because of what he had done. If anything happened to his brainiac brother, it would be all his fault . . .

"I don't know." Leonardo's response to Raph was stripped of his usual confidence and he didn't even bother to look at his immediate younger brother as he had answered his question. Instead, his eyes continued to glance around the lab, still clinging to the small ray of hope that Donnie was just working on something that was temporarily keeping him out of their view.

Then, Leo noticed the drops and smears of blood scattered throughout the lab. It wasn't like his genius brother to be so careless and not clean up after himself. Even though they lived it the sewers, Donnie had always been a bit of a germophobe. Especially when it came to potential biohazards and bodily fluids. The fact that his safety-conscious brother hadn't wiped up the blood that he had spilled did not sit well with Leonardo. Of course, the sight of his safety-conscious brother's blood didn't sit all that well, either. Leo wasn't sure just how bad the cut on Donnie's shoulder was and that scared him. Judging by the blood stains on the garage floor and throughout the lab, it was bad enough that the genius turtle should have asked someone to help him treat the wound, but he had not.

Disgusted with himself, Leo shook his head from side to side. He certainly couldn't blame his brilliant younger brother for not seeking out assistance. After what had just happened, there was no way that Donnie was going to ask anyone for help. Not when he believed that his family thought that he was nothing but a disappointment and a screw-up.

Leonardo felt a sudden wave of panic wash over him when he thought about what he had done to Donnie. His genius brother had always been the most sensitive and self-conscious of his siblings, so he had a penchant for taking things to heart. Leo should have known that the critical things that he had said and done to Donnie would hurt him. The oldest turtle wondered how he could have been so cold to his brother. He worried that his thoughtless actions had pushed his already withdrawn sibling past the point of no return. Had he pushed Donnie so far that he thought the only solution was to run away?

The sound of Mikey whimpering brought Leo back from his guilt trip.

"Leo, we've gotta find Donnie," Mikey pleaded and his bright blue eyes welled with tears. He then clasped his hands together in front of him as he continued to beg for Leo's help. "Please . . . He's hurt and he's sick. He shouldn't be out there all alone. We have to find him before something bad happens to him."

Mikey's whole body shook as he came closer and closer to out-and-out bawling. His mask was already soaked with the tears that he had not attempted to stop. He just wanted his brainy big brother back, safe and sound. He just wanted Donnie to be happy again so that he could be happy again, too.

Leo placed a hand on Mikey's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

"We'll find him, Mikey. I promise. I won't rest until we bring him home," Leonardo vowed with as much conviction as he could muster, successfully hiding any trace of doubt in his voice. He had meant every word that he had just said. The oldest turtle had no intention of failing Donnie again.

"What do you mean bring him home?"

The unexpected appearance of their father made all three turtles flinch. They hadn't even heard him enter the lab.

Master Splinter had been in his room trying to meditate when he had heard the volume level of his sons' conversation begin to elevate. Concerned that another fight might be brewing, he had followed the sound of their voices to the lab, where he found three out of his four boys standing there staring at one another. He had initially assumed that Donatello was still up in his room resting, but then, he had seen the worry in all of their eyes and he had heard the formidable words 'bring him home.'

"Where is Donatello?" Splinter asked, unable to hide the alarm in his voice.

The three brothers looked at their father apprehensively, not quite sure how to break the news to him.

Ultimately, it was Mikey who spilled the beans. After all, spilling things was sort of Mikey's 'thing.'

"Donnie's gone, Master Splinter!" Michelangelo choked out, his eyes wide with anxiety as he peered up at his father. The youngest turtle then started to babble almost incoherently from the panic. "He's missing and it's totally my fault! When you sent me to check on him, his door was closed, so I didn't actually look inside his room. I just sort of assumed that he was in there and left him alone . . . you know, 'cause he was upset and stuff. But he wasn't even in there. And now, we don't know where he is 'cause of me!"

When Mikey had finished his confession, Raph stared at his baby brother as though he had lost his mind.

"What are you talking about, Mikey? There's no way this is your fault! This is all on me!" As the temperamental turtle declared his guilt, he jabbed a thumb into his plastron to further stress that the responsibility for Donnie leaving was his own.

"No it isn't! None of this would have happened if I hadn't been so hard on Donnie in the first place. If anyone is to blame, it's me," Leo chimed in, never missing the chance to assume his usual role as the sacrificial victim.

Raph couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes at his older brother and he folded his arms across his chest just before expressing his disapproval.

"Oh, can it, Fearless! Why do you always have to make everything about you? You know I'm just as guilty for making Donnie leave as you are!"

"Well, I'm supposed to be the leader. I'm supposed to protect him from harm, not be the reason for it," Leonardo fired back tersely and he zeroed an owlish glare in on Raph. The oldest brother was well aware that it was not the appropriate time for yet another argument, but he wasn't about to stand idly by and let Raph hold himself accountable for something that was not his fault.

Once again, Raphael and Leonardo were at odds with one another, and once again, they were failing to see the bigger picture. They were too caught up in their continued power struggle to realize that they were repeating the same mistakes.

"Damare!" Master Splinter shouted with far more fury than his sons were used to hearing from their normally undemonstrative father. They knew by his thunderous tone that he was not to be trifled with at this point and the three of them quickly obeyed with the sound of silence.

"I will not stand here and be witness to such foolishness! Your brother is missing, and yet, the three of you are wasting precious time fighting over who is to blame! Have you learned nothing from what has happened? Donatello isn't even here, and still, you continue to hurt him with your selfish negligence!"

Master Splinter's harsh words had cut them all to the quick, but none of them had felt the wound as deeply as Leonardo. As hurtful as the words had been, it was just the reality check that the oldest turtle had needed. He now understood that there was only one thing that they should all be focusing on right now, and that was getting Donnie back home.

Leonardo shook his head once more, frustrated with himself for letting his hotheaded brother yet again push his buttons and get him off-course. If the turtle in blue was ever going to develop into the strong leader that his brothers truly needed him to be, he had to figure out a way to keep his most volatile brother from breaking through his defenses and rattling his shell. Raph's constant rebelliousness and irrational behavior inhibited the oldest turtle's ability to think straight and make sound decisions. If Leonardo didn't learn how to phase out these angry outbursts and control his own frame of mind, he would surely fail his brothers as a leader.

"Sensei is right. This isn't about us. This is about Donnie," Leo said righteously as the wheels in his head started spinning, already putting together a plan of action.

The oldest turtle looked around the lab, studying the random blood patterns for some sort of evidence that could lead them to Donnie. He could see that his genius brother had stopped by the makeshift 'infirmary' area before leaving. This was a good sign and offered a small sense of relief. It meant that Donnie had most likely grabbed something to treat his wounds. Leo at least had that to be grateful for . . .

Turning his attention back to his search, Leo's scrutinizing eyes followed the blood trail to where his brainy brother typically kept his ratty, old duffle bag. The leader immediately noted that the bag was missing. Continuing on with his investigation of the scene, Leo then traced the blood back to Donnie's desk and he could see that there were a few drops of blood right beside the three T-phones staring up at him. Leo took comfort in the realization that his brother had taken his phone with him, but at the same time, it was bittersweet. The T-phones were essentially what had triggered the fight that had caused this latest crisis.

Walking over to Donnie's desk, Leonardo gazed down at the mobile phones carefully aligned in a neat a row on the coffee-stained surface of his brother's workspace. Leo reached out and picked up his phone, holding it tightly in the palm of his hand as he fought back the tears that wanted to come. He gently brushed his thumb back and forth over the screen of the phone that his second youngest brother had so expertly crafted. In the back of his mind, Leo could still see and hear how excited Donnie had been when he had shown them the device for the very first time. He remembered how his little brother's eyes had lit up like a Roman candle while he had chattered on and on about the phone's various functions and applications. His brainy brother had bragged up the phone's capabilities as though he was a proud parent. Ever since then, the family had become rather reliant on Donnie's invention, using their phones from everything to hacking into Kraang technology, to playing games, to tracking each other via GPS, to taking pictures, to communicating with each other, to ordering takeout, to –

 _The GPS function!_ Leo yelled at himself inside of his head.

His father had once told him that sometimes thinking too hard made one fail to catch sight of the obvious . . .

Turning on his T-phone, Leo quickly started up the tracking application. When the phone's GPS map revealed Donnie's location, it came as no great surprise to the blue-clad turtle to see where his little brother had run off to.

"He's at the junkyard," Leo announced to his family and they all breathed a collective sigh of relief. All except for Leonardo, who did not share in the reprieve that his family was feeling. The oldest turtle still had this nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach that he just couldn't seem to get rid of, even now that he knew where his brother was.

While it was not unusual for the techie turtle to visit the junkyard, it was highly unusual for him to leave home without letting someone know where he was going. Knowing this, Leonardo couldn't stop himself from worrying. His missing brother was depressed, injured, and not feeling well. He was definitely not in any condition to be outside of the lair. Especially not alone . . .

No, Leo did not feel relieved at all. For some reason, he now felt even more stressed out than before.

In hopes of appeasing his troubled mind, the leader in blue dialed Donnie's number, but there was no answer. Leo quickly dialed the number again, and still, no response followed. He even repeated the process a third time with the same results.

It was then that Leo's worry turned into panic and his thoughts began to race.

This wasn't like his genius brother at all. Why wasn't Donnie answering?

Maybe he was just so upset, he was refusing to respond to anyone's calls . . .

Or was it something much worse?

* * *

"Well, well, well . . . What do we have here?" Came an ominous voice from behind the large scrap pile that was just a turtle's length from where Donatello was standing.

The familiar voice instantly made the genius terrapin cringe and he nervously started to back away from the pile of scrap still concealing his stalker.

A mammoth figure then came into full view, looming on top of the mound of metal now about ten feet from Donatello's location.

On the outside, Donnie tried his best to appear unperturbed as he raised his bo-staff higher and shifted into a fighting stance, but on the inside, his heart was erratically thumping against his chest, trying to bust out of his rib cage and presumably leave him for dead.

"Tiger Claw." Donatello spit the name out as if it tasted rancid.

The hulking mutated Bengal tiger's lips coiled into a wicked sneer and he let loose a low growl as he glared down at the turtle with pure hatred burning in his yellow eye. Donatello wasn't exactly sure – nor did he care – what had happened to the mutant cat's other eye, but right about now, he was kind of glad that it was missing. After all, one eye was intimidating enough as it was.

 _Of course it had to be Tiger Claw_ . . . Donnie inwardly groaned.

Shredder had a number of mutant cronies at his beck and call and the vast majority of his human/animal hybrids were well-below average intelligence. This dumb factor generally worked to Donatello's advantage, as he was able to use his superior intellect to outsmart the enemy, even when outmuscled.

Tiger Claw, however, was one of Shredder's more sharp-witted followers. Granted, he was still stupid enough to work for Oroku Saki, but his IQ was significantly higher than the rest of Saki's mentally challenged supporters. This made the oversized cat a much more dangerous opponent than Shredder's other cohorts.

But it wasn't just Tiger Claw's brainpower that made him so incredibly dangerous. He was also a ruthless, extremely violent, trained assassin and bounty hunter with a personal vendetta against Donnie's whole family. To top that all off, he was highly armed, extraordinarily nimble, and out-and-out merciless. In other words, he was a regular killing machine . . .

 _Could my luck possibly get any worse?_ Donnie grumbled in his head. He then realized that he probably shouldn't have asked himself such a question. He knew from experience that things could _always_ get worse . . .

"Isn't it a little late for you to be out wandering on your own, turtle?" Tiger Claw hoarsely snarled, curling and uncurling his massive front paws next to the gun holsters strapped to his upper legs, as though he was just itching to draw his weapons.

Donnie's calm exterior was fading fast. He had seen firsthand what Tiger Claw's arsenal of weaponry could do and he had been witness to the vicious beatings that the ferocious mutant could dish out. Given his current condition, Donnie was no match for this adversary. He was still battling with post concussion syndrome, his arm and shoulder were injured, he was coming down with a steadily worsening illness, and he was freezing cold, all of which would significantly slow his reflexes. His enemy was way stronger, way bigger, way healthier, and unfortunately, way better, even on the turtle's best day.

Right on cue, Raph's voice sounded off in Donnie's head . . .

" _You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

" _What you did was incredibly dangerous and stupid."_

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

Internalizing a flinch, Donnie then defiantly glared up at the much larger mutant.

"I could say the same to you, _tiger_." The scorn that Donnie had put on the word 'tiger' really should have been applauded, but it went unappreciated by his foe. The genius turtle then continued on without missing a beat. "Just out for a little moonlight stroll all alone?"

Donnie was surprised to hear the audacity that he had somehow mustered. The question had come out with far more confidence and brazenness than what he had been actually feeling inside. Perhaps some of Raph's bad attitude was rubbing off on him . . .

"Who says I am alone, young one?"

The words had no sooner parted from Tiger Claw's lips when another figure stepped out of the shadows. This one was even bigger than the mutant cat and it was much closer to Donnie's current position.

Donatello couldn't help but to shrink back in fear at the sight of the immense mutant now standing only a few feet away from him. The frightened turtle tightened his grip on his bo-staff and took several shaky steps backwards, nearly stumbling over the debris at his feet in the process.

"A – And I – I see you brought your teddy bear along. H – How sweet." Donnie had tried to sound undaunted when he had spoken, but seeing what he could only assume was a mutated grizzly bear had his poise faltering. He was sure that the two bigger mutants could see and hear the fear now racking his whole body.

While the genius turtle fought to stifle what would have been an untimely coughing fit, he noticed that there was a hard lump forming in his sore throat that he just couldn't seem to swallow down. Needless to say, breathing was not coming easily.

As if Tiger Claw wasn't a formidable enough opponent, this new hench-mutant of Shredder's was way bigger than the giant cat. The bear towered over the feline mutant by a good foot, and Donnie was guessing that Tiger Claw was somewhere around six-and-a-half feet tall.

The humongous size of this new enemy wasn't the only thing freaking Donnie out at the moment. The turtle's wide-eyed stare was currently locked on the grizzly's razor-sharp claws, which were far more terrifying than the mutated tiger's claws. The bear's thick, jagged black nails projected out about five inches or so from his paws. Paws that appeared to be bigger than Donnie's head.

 _This is just not my day_ , Donnie thought grimly and he took another couple of clumsy steps backwards, trying to put some more distance between himself and the great big bear.

The monstrous mutant grizzly instantly closed the gap that Donnie had opened up between them with a couple of heavy, graceless strides. The bear's long hind claws made an awful noise when they scraped against the scrap metal below his back paws.

"Oh, where are my manners? Allow me to introduce you to Grizzgore," Tiger Claw growled as he, too, drew closer to the turtle's position.

Donnie shuddered in his shell at the mere mention of the word 'Grizzgore.' He was already unsettled by the fact that he was facing a mutated grizzly bear, but what was even more unsettling was the usage of the word 'gore' at the end of the mutant's name. It painted a rather disturbing mental image.

"Turtle," the mutant bear snarled, staring down at Donnie.

"Grizzgore does not say much, but Master Shredder did not hire him for his conversational skills. Besides, my partner here is not interested in talking to you. He's more interested in mauling you. He has strict orders to detain you by any means necessary. You would be wise not to resist, little cub," Tiger Claw noted in a sinister voice.

The genius turtle involuntarily let a small whimper slip out as he nervously peered up into Grizzgore's small, close-set eyes that appeared to be glowing in the moonlight. The mutant's hungry, dark brown orbs were fixed on Donnie as though he was eyeing up his dinner. It was more than a little unnerving.

A shiver crept up and down the entire length of Donnie's spine from a combination of fear and cold. He couldn't help but to be a bit envious of the profuse brown fur covering the bear's body. It was no doubt keeping the huge mutant much warmer than Donnie was currently feeling.

As Donnie continued to stare at Grizzgore, he noticed the holey, frayed, cut-off jeans that the overstuffed bear was donning and he found himself strangely amused by the sight. The 'shorts' looked to be several sizes too small, as if the beast was incapable of finding a pair of jeans that actually fit over his gargantuan thighs. It was not a flattering look, to say the least, but Donnie decided that it was probably not in his best interest to point that out. He was guessing that Grizzgore wouldn't appreciate the fashion advice. Not that Donnie really had any right to be handing out fashion advice anyway. He didn't even wear clothes . . .

The sound of Tiger Claw audibly cracking his knuckles reminded Donatello of just how much danger he was in. It was hardly the time to be thinking about style savvy when he was pretty sure that he was about to get pummeled by two gigantic mutants.

Donnie nervously flicked his eyes from one immense, hairy creature to the other. If he somehow managed to live through this whole ordeal, he was going to burn every stuffed animal within a twenty mile radius of the lair. He was so going to require both mental and physical therapy after all of this.

"Now, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard, excruciatingly painful way, which by all means is Grizzgore's preference. What he lacks for in stimulating conversation, he more than makes up for in unspeakable violence. So why don't you be a good turtle and put your little stick down so we can capture you without any unpleasantries?" Tiger Claw suggested and he then leapt down from the scrap pile that he had been perched on so that he was only a few feet behind the mutant bear.

Donnie held fast to his bo-staff, not about to stand down, regardless of Tiger Claw's recommendation. The genius turtle knew better than to trust anything that came out of the mutant feline's mouth. The oversized cat worked for Saki. That was reason enough not to believe anything that he said. Plus, Donnie was quite certain that Tiger Claw's definition of 'easy' far differed from his own interpretation of the word. Even if the turtle in purple were to relinquish his weapon, there was no way that the two bloodthirsty mutants were going to just let him waltz out of the junkyard with them unharmed. It wasn't in Tiger Claw's nature and Donatello felt fairly confident that old Grizzgore didn't have a real gentle disposition, either.

And so, Donnie decided that if he was going to go down, he may as well go down fighting . . . or swinging, so to speak. He flashed Tiger Claw a tenacious glare as he readied his weapon, indicating that he was not going to take the bigger mutant up on his offer.

Not at all intimidated by the turtle, Grizzgore then decided to test the waters, lurching forward and invading what Donnie considered his personal space. In the blink of an eye, Donnie drew his bo-staff all the way back, and then, thrust the tip of the bo straight into Grizzgore's abdomen. It was a solid front thrust attack to the gut and it was well-executed in spite of Donnie's injuries, but instead of knocking the wind out of the mutant bear as intended, it only seemed to tee him off.

Apparently, the old expression was true. It actually wasn't a good idea to poke a bear with a stick.

A nervous wheezing sound emanated from Donnie's scratchy throat.

Grizzgore then let out a deafening roar and Donnie got a close-up view of the bear's long, sharp canine teeth. The genius turtle knew that grizzly bears were one of the largest land carnivores in the world, so it came as no surprise to him that the mutant bear had extremely sharp teeth, most likely for tearing meat.

 _Oh, now there's a real comforting thought. All the better to eat you with, Brainiac. You seriously have got to stop reading so much,_ Donatello mentally lashed out at himself.

"And here I thought you were supposed to be the smartest of your clan," Tiger Claw said in a low, grating voice as he pounded a fist into his open palm.

Grizzgore simply snorted in response to Tiger Claw's statement while he stood there eyeballing Donnie, practically chomping at the bit, as though he was just waiting for the okay to attack.

"I warned you not to resist, little one. Now, we will make you deeply regret what you have done. Grizzgore, take him down."

Upon hearing Tiger Claw's directive, the mutant bear wasted no time doing as he was told.

Donnie's eyes widened with fear as Grizzgore hauled his arm back and struck him directly in the chest with so much raw power that he flew about ten feet backwards, landing awkwardly on his shell. The good news was that the blow to Donnie's chest was close-fisted, so the bear's nonretractable claws hadn't skewered him or flayed him open. Donnie grimaced over the fact that that was the _good_ news. The not-so-good news was that it felt as though he had just been hit by a wrecking ball. He was pretty sure that the punch had cracked - maybe broken - a couple of his ribs, even with the protection of his plastron.

The downed turtle rolled onto his side, panting and struggling to take in air. His breathing came out in a weird, whistling sound and his lungs felt as though they were full of fluid. He just hoped that the fluid was from his respiratory illness and not from a punctured lung due to his newly acquired rib injury. The latter scenario would be bad. Really, _really_ bad . . .

Regardless of the discomfort it caused him, Donnie managed to gingerly push himself up into a somewhat sitting position, supporting himself with his unsteady arms while still clutching his bo-staff in his hands. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see his two enemies staring down at him, eagerly awaiting his next move. He then positioned his hands properly on his weapon, readying to defend himself.

Just as Grizzgore started to approach him, Donnie agilely jumped to his feet and pushed the button on his bo-staff to trigger the release of the hidden naginata blade. The purple-clad ninja then lifted his staff above his head and swung the weapon into the enemy with an impressive cross strike. Grizzgore attempted to block the attack, but Donnie's bo struck him hard and true across the chest and the single blade at the end of the turtle's weapon sliced deeply into the right side of the bear's upper body, causing him to howl in pain.

Thinking he had just opened up a small window of opportunity to make a harrowing escape, Donnie was about to turn and run when the mutant bear recovered far more quickly than the turtle had hoped.

Without warning, Grizzgore reached forward and grabbed hold of the turtle's bo-staff with his powerful paws, easily prying the weapon out of the smaller mutant's grip.

Donnie's eyes filled with dread as he watched Grizzgore expose his mouthful of teeth. The mutant bear gnashed his crushing molars together while he held the confiscated bo in front of the terrified turtle's face. Then, with little to no effort, Grizzgore snapped the wooden staff in two.

 _Well, I guess you could call that breaking it with his 'bear' hands,_ Donnie thought wryly. He would have said the words out loud, but he had a sneaking suspicion that his two adversaries would fail to see the humor in the statement. In all honesty, Donnie wasn't thinking it was all that funny right about now, either.

"Aw, I was going to add that to my weapons collection," Tiger Claw grumbled in discontent, staring down disappointedly at the now broken bo-staff in Grizzgore's paws. He then glared at Donatello as he added, "You will pay dearly for your insolence, foolish turtle. Now to see if you break as easily."

Donnie gulped so hard it hurt and he continued to back away from the huge bear that he had just ticked off . . . again.

"I – uh don't suppose I could, uh, talk you into letting me go willingly with you at this point?" Donnie uttered, following his request with a nervous laugh.

Grizzgore released a guttural roar and lunged forward, using his tremendous weight to forcefully knock his unprepared opponent shell-first into the ground. Once the turtle was laid out on his carapace, the mutant grizzly straddled his enormous body over the much smaller creature, effectively pinning him down with his bulk. The two halves of the busted bo-staff were still underneath Grizzgore's paws, which were pressed firmly against his victim's chest. The bear's knife-like front claws were digging into Donnie's plastron as the turtle wildly attempted to squirm free of his attacker, but the beast's substantial mass was just too much for the lighter weight mutant to push off of himself. Grizzgore then sunk his claws in even deeper, piercing through the thick scutes of the turtle's plastron and into the sensitive flesh below. Donnie suppressed a yelp of pain, only allowing a slight whimper to squeak out. He was determined not to give his enemies the satisfaction of hearing him scream or beg for mercy, knowing that his brothers would never demonstrate such weakness.

A small rumble emitted from Grizzgore's throat and Donnie could feel the bear's hot breath lapping against his skin. The huge mutant flashed his nasty teeth at his prey once again and the genius turtle couldn't help but to recoil at the sight. The grizzly was frothing at the mouth with unbridled ferocity and saliva was dribbling down the fur on his chin. As Donnie continued to try to break free of the bear's clutches, he turned his head as far to the side as it would go, to not only break eye contact with the crazed mutant, but also, to avoid getting drooled on.

Apparently offended by Donnie's decision to turn away, Grizzgore growled and his fist suddenly came crashing down hard into the side of the turtle's face, just below his eye. Donnie grunted in both pain and surprise from the brutal blow while he attempted to focus his now blurred eyesight. Once his vision was mostly restored, Donnie's reddish-brown gaze shot back up at Grizzgore just in time to see the bear lift up the blade half of his broken bo-staff and viciously plunge it at a downward angle deep into his already wounded shoulder. The finely honed blade went all the way through the shoulder, easily passing through any muscles, tendons, and bones that were in its path. Grizzgore had stabbed Donnie with such intense force, part of the wooden staff had buried itself into the turtle's skin and the naginata blade had even pierced through his carapace, before something on the metal-littered ground below finally stopped the weapon's momentum.

This time, Donnie couldn't stop a scream from erupting out of the back of his throat. A strangled cry of agony echoed throughout the junkyard as the pain tore through the turtle's body.

Severely injured and completely exhausted, it didn't take long for Donnie to run out of energy to scream. He instead started making a low, keening noise as he stared in disbelief at his broken bo-staff now projecting out of him. Tears streamed from his eyes, soaking his mask, and his whole body began to tremble. His breathing became rapid and shallow as the searing pain enveloped his entire being.

To add insult to injury, Grizzgore reached down and mercilessly grabbed Donnie by the jaw, gouging his claws into the turtle's cheeks. He then lifted Donnie's head up slightly and glared at him for a moment before he started slamming the back of the defenseless turtle's head repeatedly into the cold, hard ground. Donnie wasn't sure if the mutant grizzly was attempting to knock him out or kill him, but he felt quite certain that he now had concussion number three.

 _Make that four . . . five . . . six . . ._

Several more blows to the head had Donnie clinging to his last remnants of consciousness. Between the blunt force trauma and the debilitating pain, he was barely able to keep his eyes open.

Tiger Claw saw this and swiftly intervened. Not because he felt compassion for the wounded turtle, but because he knew that his master wanted this particular turtle alive. His instructions had been very clear.

"Grizzgore! Step off!" Tiger Claw commanded with a deep, baleful voice.

Either the words did not immediately register or the mutant bear just plain didn't care, for Donnie was heaved into the ground a few more times before Tiger Claw came up beside Grizzgore and seized hold of the demented creature's arms to stop his continued assault on the object of their mission.

"I said step off!" Tiger Claw ordered, much louder this time and there was no mistaking his resentment of his partner's disobedience. The tiger's one visible eye was narrowed into an angry slit.

Still somewhat blinded by rage, Grizzgore looked as though he was considering disregarding the directive from his smaller superior, but he thought better of it and reluctantly complied. He let go of the turtle and rose to his feet, backing away in submission.

"Grizzgore sorry," the bear mutant rasped in defeat.

Once released from Grizzgore's death grip, Donatello's head lolled to the side and he let out a pitiable moan. Fearful of getting punched again, he buried his face into his uninjured shoulder, trying to in vain protect himself. In his current state, Donnie would not be able to fend off any additional incoming blows. He wasn't even capable of holding his head up at this point.

"I don't think he will be causing us anymore trouble. Let us leave this dreadful place," Tiger Claw coldly stated and an immoral sneer passed his lips. He then glanced down at Donatello's beaten form. "But before we go, I think I will leave his brothers a little message."

With that said, Tiger Claw stomped his foot down into the center of Donnie's plastron and loomed over the injured turtle for a prolonged moment, as if to intimidate him. The mutated tiger then reached down and ripped out the weapon that was impaling his captive's shoulder. All without a single shred of remorse.

Donnie's only reaction was to whimper feebly and squeeze his eyes shut, too dazed and weakened to offer up any other form of outcry or resistance. He just laid there, helpless. He was rapidly going into shock and he could feel his awareness slipping away from him. His addled senses were starting to shut down from the pain. He could hear that his attackers were speaking, but even with their close proximity, it sounded as though they weren't anywhere near him. He could no longer understand a word that they were saying.

It was as if the world was starting to move in slow motion and would soon stop moving altogether.

Despite his grave condition, Donnie somehow found the strength to turn his head. Through half-mast eyelids, he peered at the ugly, gaping hole in his shoulder and watched the blood spilling from the now wide-open stab wound. Without immediate medical treatment, he would bleed out. He noticed that his vision was already beginning to fail and he could feel his breathing hitch in his chest. His consciousness was fading fast. His life was draining out of him at an alarming rate. His throbbing head felt as though it weighed a ton, so he let it drop down to the side again. His battered body was crying out for rest, but he was afraid that if he fell asleep, he would never wake up.

Drawing in a grueling breath and releasing it with just as much difficulty, Donatello's muddled thoughts turned to his family. He wanted so badly to go home right now, even after all that had happened. He just wanted to see his brothers and father again . . . if only to say goodbye.

 _I'm so sorry . . . Please . . . forgive me . . ._

In spite of all the pain and suffering, he felt a lone tear roll down his cheek, and then, he felt nothing.

The ringtone on Donatello's T-phone suddenly blared out, cutting through the frigid night air, but the genius turtle did not stir. He did not hear it. He just lay on the ground motionless, completely unresponsive. His battle to stay conscious had been lost and darkness had overtaken him.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Poor Donnie! /(O.O**_ _ **)\**_

 _ **I really hope that you liked this chapter and Grizzgore. Okay, you probably don't 'like' Grizzgore all that much after what he just did to Donnie, but you know what I meant . . . ;)**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying it. I would love the feedback and it's always nice to know if people are still with me. Thank you so very much for reading.**_

 _ **Also, I would like to thank everyone who took the time to read/favorite/follow/review my new one-shot, 'Fractured Trust.' I really appreciate all of the positive feedback that I received on my first ever one-shot. You guys are awesome! =D *Just an FYI – I had numerous requests from readers of 'Fractured Trust' to write an epilogue/one-shot where Leo apologizes to Donnie after he wakes up at the end of the episode 'Broken Foot,' so I will be working on that soon. Thank you to those of you who suggested the idea! I hope that you like how it turns out. ;) CJ**_

 _ ****I wanted to let everyone know that I**_ _ **may**_ _ **have to**_ _ **occasionally**_ _ **start posting chapters every other week now that the kids are back in school. I promise that I will still do my best to try to continue to post weekly, but it gets a little more challenging to get my editing done with homework and school activities in the mix . . . I just wanted to give everyone a heads up, in case I miss a Thursday or two here and there. Having said all that, I would like to assure you that I will do everything in my power to post chapter 10 next Thursday. After this week's cliffhanger, I don't want to leave all of you hanging for too long. Hopefully you're not getting bored with me . . . ;)**_


	10. Chapter 10 - Message Received

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 10 of 'Lost in the Fight' and Donnie's brothers are on their way, but will they get there in time? ={**_

 _ **Thank you to each and every one of you who have taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review 'LITF.' I truly appreciate your support and I'm super excited about the number of favorites, follows, and reviews that I have received for this story. Wow! You guys are all kinds of awesome! =)**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review so I know that you are enjoying my story. I LOVE the feedback! Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 10 – Message Received**

"He's still not answering," Raph growled, about ready to crush the outer housing of his T-phone from the sheer frustration of the situation. He had called Donnie at least a dozen times now and he was getting pretty sick and tired of hearing the sound of his brainiac brother's voicemail message. If he had to listen to Donnie tell him to leave him a message one more time, he was sure he was going to break something.

Hearing Raph confirm that Donnie still wasn't answering his phone inspired Leo to push the pedal to the metal and take yet another corner about thirty miles an hour faster than what even Raph felt comfortable with. Sure, the most reckless brother liked to live on the edge and drive fast and furious, but Leo was out of control. The Shellraiser was designed from an old subway car. It wasn't exactly aerodynamically sound enough to be taking turns at a hundred miles per hour. At the excessively high speeds that Leo was currently driving, he was going to get them all killed. And even if they did somehow manage to survive the impending accident, Donnie would no doubt kill them for totaling one of his most-prized creations, all because they couldn't abide by the posted speed limit.

"Uh, Leo . . . I'm not trying to tell you how to drive or anything, bro, but you, uh, might wanna slow down just a teensy-weensy bit. Unless you wanna see and smell the burrito that I had before we left, 'cause I'm about to seriously blow chunks here. And believe me, it won't be pretty, dude. Refried beans look nasty in the first place," Mikey said and his off-color skin served as a testament to his claim. He was definitely looking a little greener than normal.

When Leo didn't take him up on his thoughtful advice, Mikey nervously tugged at his seatbelt, making sure that the safety device was good and secure, because he had a bad feeling that his oldest brother was about to test how well it worked.

The youngest turtle was presently seated in his usual spot in the Shellraiser, which they all referred to as the 'navigation station.' Raph was sitting in front of Mikey, at the 'weapons station.' Leo was at the helm, of course. Not because he was the leader, but because Donnie had decreed him the designated driver of the vehicle since Leo was the least likely to hit something just for fun.

The thought of his genius big brother made Mikey stare longingly at the bluish-gray seat across from his own. The seat where Donnie should have been sitting . . .

A gloomy sigh deflated out of the orange-masked turtle, but his moment of melancholy was soon interrupted by his oldest brother's edgy voice.

"We're almost there. Try Donnie's phone again," Leo barked over his shoulder from the driver's seat. His eyes only glanced back for a fleeting second before they were once again fixed on the road. As he continued to test the Shellraiser's top-end speed, he gripped the steering wheel so tightly, it was a wonder that he hadn't ripped it right off, or, at the very least, bent it.

From behind Leo, Raph grunted his disapproval and folded his arms across his plastron in protest.

"I'm not doing anything you say until you let up on the gas, Leadfoot Leo!" Raph had somehow managed to sound like a grumpy old man and a stubborn little kid at the same time. He then scowled at his older brother to indicate that he wasn't about to budge on the matter.

"Something's wrong, Raph. We've got to get to him," Leo said, demonstrating far more emotion than usual. His hands still clutched the steering wheel much tighter than necessary, partly because of the rising tension and partly to keep Raph and Mikey from seeing that he was shaking. The supposedly 'fearless' leader didn't want his brothers to see just how rattled he was.

"I know, Leo . . . "

The uncharacteristic gentleness in Raph's tone as he had said those three words threatened to reveal his own despair, but an instant later, the gentleness was gone.

"But I can't just sit here and let you make Mikey your crash test dummy," Raph quipped and leaned heavily into the back of his swivel seat, turning it so that his baby brother could see him smirk in spite of himself, but then, his green eyes fell upon the empty chair in the Shellraiser. The one that his genius little brother normally occupied . . .

Raph's face descended into a frown as he stared at the miscellaneous gadgets and gizmos that only the 'Brainiac' himself knew how to operate. Donnie's self-assigned 'ops station' was loaded with all kinds of fancy dials, readouts, switches, electronic devices, and flashy lights. A bunch of stuff that none of his brothers dared to touch for fear of bringing the wrath of Donatello upon them. The whiz turtle was extremely sensitive about anyone messing with the various instruments and doohickeys on the Shellraiser. He had actually been known to refer to the vehicle as his 'baby' from time to time. The resident inventor of the family had worked his shell off to soup-up the former underground railway car and he had been meticulous in every last detail. From the 'Manhole Cover Cannon' right down to the seatbelts . . .

Frown deepening, Raph peered down at the buckle of his safety belt and traced his fingertips over the letter engraved on it. He remembered making fun of his immediate younger brother for being a nerd because he had put a "T" on each of their seatbelts. He had even gone so far as to ask Donnie why he couldn't have just put the word 'dork' on them instead. Raph could still recall the hurt look on his little brother's face when he had teased him about it. It had been the same dejected expression that he had seen on Donnie's face after Leo had struck him, and again, just before he had left the garage. It then occurred to Raph that his genius brother had probably had that same sad look upon his face after he had sliced him with his sai, but he had been too angry to see it.

 _You really screwed up this time, Raph . . ._

The turtle in red heaved out a long, slow breath. He hated all of this feeling guilty crap, and yet, that was all he had been able to feel ever since he had hurt Donnie. It felt as though there was a crushing weight pushing down upon his chest and he just wanted to get it off of him.

He just wanted his brainy brother back.

The Shellraiser coming to an abrupt stop pulled Raph out of his thoughts and his gaze shifted from Donnie's vacant seat to the front of the vehicle where Leo was already on his feet. The grim look on the oldest turtle's face did nothing to dissuade Raph's own growing anxiety.

Without exchanging a word, the three brothers climbed out of the vehicle and immediately scaled up and over the fence surrounding the junkyard, just as they had done hundreds of times in the past. They knew the property all too well thanks to their mechanically inclined brother. Donnie subjected them to part runs on a regular basis. Anytime that they were anywhere remotely near the vicinity of the scrap yard, the genius turtle would insist on making a quick stop. Of course, Donatello's idea of a quick stop was certainly not the same as theirs. Once their brother got to rummaging around the facility, it was like he lost all sense of time. That tendency to lose time could have been the reason why their brother hadn't called them, but regrettably, it didn't explain why he wasn't answering his T-phone.

"So what's the plan, Fearless?" Raph asked, although he was pretty sure that his older brother was going to tell them what to do whether he posed the question or not. Spewing out orders was what Leo did in a crisis.

"Let's split up. We'll cover more ground that way," Leo responded gallantly, as if his younger brothers actually needed to be informed that splitting up would allow them to search more territory. Sometimes, Raph swore that Leonardo thought that they were stupid. It was either that or he just liked to hear the sound of his own voice.

Then, as if to prove Raph's point, Leo's voice sounded out once again.

"I'll take the middle. You guys head east and west."

Without waiting for his brothers' consent or one of Raph's snide comments that typically followed his commands, Leo took off like a shot straight ahead.

"I guess Leo's going that-a-way," Mikey said with a casual shrug of his shoulders while he watched his oldest brother bolt out of sight. The youngest turtle then tapped a fingertip against his chin and rolled his eyes upwards, like he was deep in thought.

Seeing his baby brother clearly thinking too hard, Raph was tempted to make one of those snide comments that Leo had been avoiding, but he elected not to. At least, not yet, anyway.

Mikey then started to think out loud.

"Hmmm . . . have to choose wisely here. Something's telling me that I should go left tonight. But another part of me keeps saying go right, bro. Go right. Yeah . . . I'm definitely thinking that right is the way to go. It's like I got this feeling in my gut or something."

"I'll give you a feeling in your gut!" Raph growled impatiently, holding up a clenched hand and shaking it a few inches from Mikey's face.

The younger turtle's eyes expanded to the size of baseballs as he stared at his brother's fist.

"Right it is," Mikey squeaked out, pointing to the east with both of his forefingers. He then smiled nervously at the red-banded turtle, as though he was waiting for his older brother to say something or give him the green light to go.

A murderous glare from Raph sufficed and Mikey was off and running.

Raph shook his head a couple of times before taking off in the opposite direction of his baby brother, glad for the momentary reprieve from the little twerp. Sometimes, splitting up was the only way to get a break from Mikey's annoying antics. Maybe that had been the real reason that Leo had suggested it in the first place.

 _Not a bad tactic, Fearless. There might be hope for you yet . . ._

* * *

The last thing that Donatello had been working on before the fight had broken out had been the Stealth Bike. Leo had noticed that his genius brother had the machine pretty much torn apart, which probably meant that Donnie had gone to the junkyard on a parts run in hopes of finding the items that he needed to complete the repair job that he had started.

 _A parts run? Really? You seriously think the only reason Donnie left the lair was because he needed parts?_ Leonardo mentally criticized himself. He couldn't believe that he was actually attempting to appease his guilty conscience by pretending that Donnie had simply headed off to the junkyard for supplies. He had struck his younger sibling in anger, and now, he had the gall to try to convince himself that his brother's running off had nothing to do with that. All so that he wouldn't feel so bad about what he had done?

 _Could you be anymore selfish, Leonardo?_

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, Leo forced himself to tune out his reproachful thoughts so that he could focus all of his concentration on finding Donnie. There would be plenty of time for Leonardo to haul himself over the coals later, once he located his brother.

And so, the leader pushed onward.

The junkyard wasn't exactly organized into clearly defined aisles or sections, but Leo had gone on part runs with Donatello often enough to know where his brainy brother generally liked to search. There was one particular location towards the middle of the scrap yard that immediately came to Leo's mind. The spot had several back–to–back mountains of junk that Donnie seemed rather drawn to when out scavenging for items. Leo could always find the location by first heading towards the car crusher and claw crane, and then, taking a left and heading towards what was usually one of the tallest piles of scrap in the junkyard.

Running as fast as his feet would carry him, Leo quickly approached the crusher and crane. Once he was past them, he swiftly headed west towards the largest pile of junk in his line of vision. He slowed his momentum to a brisk walk so he could seek out any signs that Donnie had passed through the area.

It always proved rather difficult to track someone when in a junkyard. Most of the ground was covered with litter and loose scrap metal, essentially eliminating any chance of finding distinct footprints to follow. Plus, it wasn't like one could see if something was out of place. The site was literally full of garbage. What exactly would be considered out of place amidst tons upon tons of debris?

Much to Leonardo's dismay, he was nearing his destination and there was still no sign of his little brother. The only thing that seemed to stretch out as far as the eye could see was . . . well, junk.

The turtle in blue pulled out his T-phone and dialed his brother's number again. Still, there was no answer, nor did he hear a phone ring, which he would have if Donnie were anywhere near.

Panic continued to swell inside of the oldest turtle.

"Donnie?" Leo called out for his brother, figuring it was worth a shot, but the only response that he received was the sound of the wind howling. The same wind that kept relentlessly blowing and getting colder with each passing day. It was definitely not the best night to be out for a walk. Especially not in the injured and unhealthy condition that Donnie was in.

 _Maybe Donnie passed out somewhere. Maybe that's why he isn't answering his T-phone._

Leo cringed at the thought of his brother being so sick that he had passed out, but it was far better than the other appalling alternatives that were racing through the leader's mind right now. Leonardo's suddenly overactive imagination was making it harder and harder for him to remain calm.

"Donnie!" Leonardo called out once again, only this time, his voice had nearly doubled in volume and it was filled with much more dread than before. He had bellowed his brother's name so loudly, he was sure that his other brothers had heard it, along with anyone else who may have been near the facility at the time, but he didn't care. At the moment, there was only one thing that Leo cared about, and that was finding his missing brother.

The blue-clad turtle continued towards the tallest pile of scrap, but he knew that he was quickly running out of real estate and Donnie was still nowhere to be seen.

The junkyard was a large facility, but it was not huge by any means. It generally didn't take them this long to locate their genius brother when he was out roaming the grounds of the scrap yard. If Donatello was here, one of them should have found him by now. Knowing this, Leonardo picked up his pace.

When he got within a dozen feet of the scrap pile that he had been heading towards, he spotted something that brought his momentum to a screeching halt.

It was his brother's duffle bag and the sight of it lying abandoned on the ground made Leonardo's stomach turn. The oldest turtle knew for a fact that his brainy brother would never willingly just leave his beloved duffle bag behind when he was out on a parts run. That duffle bag always contained the various supplies that Donnie considered crucial to take with on junkyard excursions, not to mention he would place any findings from said excursions inside of the bag for safekeeping. When at the junkyard, that bag went everywhere that Donnie went. It was like his security blanket.

That begged the question: where was Donnie?

Leo's stomach continued to pirouette uneasily and his heart began to pound erratically inside of his chest as he approached the forsaken bag, afraid of what he was going to find. The lighting in the junkyard was fairly dim, but as he drew closer to his brother's tattered bag, he could have sworn that it was stained even more than usual.

Then, he saw the color of the stains and his queasy stomach bottomed out.

He prayed that he was wrong. He prayed that it wasn't what it looked like.

The sudden clamor of his T-phone pierced the night air and nearly scared him out of his shell. The particular ringtone indicated that he had received a text message, which made his heart begin to flutter wildly with anticipation. He didn't want to get his hopes up too soon, but in all honesty, he already had.

Leo knew that if Raph or Mikey wanted to get a hold of him, they wouldn't have bothered with texting him. They were both within close enough proximity that they would have just yelled out to him or come and found him. Odds were, it wasn't April or Casey. They rarely – if ever – texted him. They were a lot closer to Donnie and Raph, so if they were going to text somebody, it would have been one of his brothers, not him. And it definitely wasn't Master Splinter. He was a bit old school, so he didn't have a clue how to text, nor did he ever use the mobile device that Donnie had made for him. He was perfectly content with his vintage cheese phone.

Having just rationally eliminated everyone but his missing brother from the list of possibilities of who would be texting him, Leo felt his spirits rise. It had to be his genius brother.

Taking deep breaths in an attempt to get his heart rate back down to a nonlethal level, Leo eagerly reached for the communication device attached to his belt. Just as he had concluded, the text had come from Donnie. A relieved smile stretched across his face, but as soon as he read the text message, the happy expression instantly faded and any sense of relief all but vanished. His face then shifted into an expression of horror as his hands began to shake.

He couldn't take his eyes off of the message and his ability to breathe was suddenly compromised.

The word "no" was all that Leo could manage to gasp out.

* * *

Raphael had no idea how his genius brother could spend hours on end at a place like this and not be bored out of his freaking shell. The red-clad turtle didn't see any appeal in rifling through a bunch of other people's trash. But, then again, he had never been able to see the appeal in most of the things that his brainiac brother occupied the majority of his time with. Text books, scientific research, instruction manuals, chemical behavior, computer programming, classic literature, medical journals, technology magazines, biological theories, clinical studies – basically Donnie was into everything that Raph made a point of avoiding. The turtle in purple was always reading or putzing around with stuff that the hotheaded turtle considered downright mind-numbing.

Sometimes, Raph worried that his immediate younger brother was somewhat of a lost cause. A complete and hopeless nerd . . . But as nerdy and irritating as his little brother was, Raph was fairly certain that Donnie was the only member of the family who was capable of keeping them all sane and together. His peacekeeper brother, with all of his crazy inventions, mad computer and mechanical skills, and amazing intellectual abilities, had saved their shells more times than Raph could keep track of. The genius was always protecting them as well as taking care of them.

Sure, Donnie may have been a geek, but he was their geek and Raph wouldn't trade him for the world. He would literally do anything to protect his younger brother.

That was why it was killing Raph inside that he had hurt his little brother so badly. He was supposed to protect him, yet he had injured him, both mentally and physically. In the back of his mind, he could still see the bloodied gash he had made across Donnie's shoulder and the brokenhearted expression on his younger sibling's face just before he had rushed out of the garage.

Raph fought back a roar of frustration, knowing that his temper and his own stupidity were the reasons that they were out searching for their brainy brother on this godawful night.

They had to find Donnie and make things right. _He_ had to make things right, because all of this blaming himself and feeling bad for what he had done garbage totally sucked.

Raph just hoped that Leo and Mikey were having better luck finding their missing brother than he was. The second oldest turtle had already exhausted his search area and not found any evidence that Donnie had been there. He had even checked the outside perimeter of the far west end of the junkyard where his brother rarely ventured. Still, he hadn't found a darn thing.

Disgusted with his lack of progress, Raph turned and started to head in the direction that he knew Leo would be, using the massive car crusher and crane as his beacon. The lighting over that area of the scrap yard was always the brightest and made it the logical place for Donnie to be drawn to. Like a moth to a flame kind of thing.

Not long after changing his course, Raph heard a faint cry carrying through the junkyard. He could have sworn that it was Leo's voice, but it may have just as soon been the wind whistling or perhaps he had been hearing things. The extreme cold and fatigue were probably starting to affect his senses.

Ceasing all movement, Raph strained to listen for the voice again.

The uneasy feeling building inside of him rose to new heights. He wondered what the heck was taking so long. Not out of his usual lack of patience, but out of an atypical sense of panic. His two brothers should have had more than enough time to cover their designated section of the junkyard at this point. And, if one of his brothers had located Donnie, they would have tried to contact him and let him know their position.

Something was wrong.

One of them should have found Donnie by now.

 _Unless Donnie isn't here . . ._

A voice in the distance called out again, but this time, it was much louder and there was no question that it belonged to Leonardo. It had not been Raph's tired mind playing tricks on him. His older brother had called out Donnie's name and there was unmistakable fear in his voice. Just like Raph, Leo must have also realized that they should have located their missing brother by now.

 _If he's at the junkyard . . ._

Raph whipped out his T-phone and switched on the GPS function. He then shook his head in disbelief. The tracking signal showed that Donnie was no longer at the junkyard. He was several miles away, in the opposite direction of the lair. It made no sense that Donnie would be heading away from the lair.

 _Unless he wasn't planning on coming home . . ._

 _Or . . . what if he couldn't come home?_

Inundated with a flood of awful mental pictures, Raph broke out into a full sprint in the direction that Leo's voice had come from. He was rapidly closing the gap between himself and his older brother when the ringtone of his T-phone instantly broke him out of his stride. He immediately stopped to check his phone, thinking that it could have been Donnie texting them something. Maybe his little brother had just gone somewhere for a few miscellaneous supplies and he was sending them a quick message to let them know where he was at.

Raph pulled out his T-phone again and promptly read the message. It was indeed from his genius brother, but what the red-masked turtle had just read did not bring the relief that he had been hoping for. If anything, it just got him even more worked up.

The first line of the message read, 'The self-destruct mechanism on Donatello's T-phone has been initiated,' followed by the date, the time, and the –

* * *

"Last known GPS location?" Michelangelo read aloud, even though no one was around to hear it. Well, maybe some of the little critters crawling around the junkyard had heard him, but they probably didn't understand what he had said. Actually, he didn't really understand what he had just said either. He scratched his bald head as he stared down at the display of his T-phone, confused by the weird text message that he had just received from his brainy big brother.

The youngest turtle had been scouring the scrap yard for Donnie, just like Leo had told him to do, when he had heard his oldest brother calling out for the same brother that they were all supposed to be searching for. Leo sounded super stressed, so Mikey had run faster than a shuriken towards the sound of his big brother's voice. The turtle in orange had just made it past the big car smasher thingy and 'The Claw' (as he liked to call it) when his T-phone had started vibrating. That had made him stop cold in his tracks so he could check if had been Donnie.

As it turned out, it had been Donnie. Well, sort of . . .

Mikey was still gaping at the message that he had gotten from his smartest brother a few moments ago, trying to figure out what exactly it meant.

The first sentence was now officially starting to make him wig out.

'The self-destruct mechanism on Donatello's T-phone has been initiated.'

 _Oh man! That can't be good . . ._

The youngest turtle knew that his techie big bro would never blow up his phone unless it was something really, _really_ bad. The last time Mikey remembered Donnie setting off the self-destruct option on his T-phone was when the two of them had been –

 _Captured . . ._

Reality hit him with all the tenderness of a sledgehammer.

 _No! No, no, no, no!_

Frantically hooking his T-phone back on his belt, Mikey ran like a madturtle towards the biggest scrap pile in the junkyard. He was totally sure that that had been the direction where Leo's voice had come from. Well, maybe not totally sure, but he was pretty darn sure . . .

Within a few minutes of receiving Donnie's creepy text message, Mikey had reached the tallest mountain of junk in the scrap yard. Once there, it took all but a second to find Leo and as soon as Mikey laid eyes upon his big brother, his heart sank like a stone. Leo was visibly upset and he was kneeling down on the ground beside –

That was when Mikey saw _it_ . . .

That was when he realized what had his oldest brother so upset . . .

That was when his legs gave out from underneath him . . .

"D – Donnie . . . " The youngest turtle whimpered as he toppled to his knees and began to sob.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Aw, poor Mikey . . . (;_;)**_

 _ **I really hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Once again, please continue to favorite/follow/review 'Lost in the Fight' if you like it. I would really love to know if you are enjoying the story. Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	11. Chapter 11 - Turtles & Tigers & Bears!

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here is chapter 11 of 'Lost in the Fight' and it's another intense one.**_

 _ **Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story. The feedback has been amazing for 'LITF' and I am extremely grateful for the support that you have all given me. It means so much . . . 8}**_

 _ **Once again, please continue to favorite/follow/review this story to let me know if you like it. I always appreciate the feedback. Thank you for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 11 – Turtles and Tigers and Bears! Oh, My!**

It seemed so cliché to him, waking up face down on the littered floor of what was clearly an abandoned warehouse. If bad guys didn't actually want to get caught, then why did they always choose to hide out in abandoned factories or warehouses? They may as well have put up a huge, flashing neon arrow on the outside of the building to let any good guys passing by know exactly where they were.

Donatello probably should have been grateful that his enemies had been so predictable, but he was more irritated by it than anything else. It was insulting that they couldn't at least try to come up with a creative plan. It made him feel as though he wasn't worth the effort of putting a little thought into their evil schemes.

The turtle would have continued on with his mental rant, but he was distracted by an unexpected deluge of pain shooting through him, reminding him of the many injuries that had been inflicted upon him over the past few . . . hours? Maybe days? He honestly had no clue how long he had been unconscious for. He could see that it was still dark outside, which could have meant that not much time had passed since he had been attacked, but then again, a week could have gone by for all he knew. The way that his body ached, he could have sworn that he had been out of commission for several months. Literally everything hurt.

Groaning in utter misery, Donnie peered over at his injured shoulder with his eye that wasn't practically swollen shut. He could see that his enemies had been kind enough to cauterize the stab wound while he was out cold.

 _Well, that would explain the burnt flesh smell lingering in the air . . ._

That disturbing thought made him cringe in his shell. Thankfully, he had been oblivious during what would have no doubt been an excruciating procedure had he been cognizant at the time. He then grimaced, realizing that the warehouse wasn't exactly a sterile, controlled environment to perform cautery. He was willing to bet that his captors hadn't taken the time or the consideration to clean the wound properly before burning it. He also found it extraordinarily hard to believe that they had bothered to use the appropriate medical tools for such a procedure. The genius turtle's assumption was that they had most likely used a lighter or built a fire to heat up the end of one of Tiger Claw's weapons or some random piece of metal that they had found at either the junkyard or the warehouse. Taking into consideration the increased tissue damage that his kidnappers had caused by burning him, as well as factoring in the contaminated surroundings of both the junkyard and warehouse, Donatello concluded that his chances of developing an infection were extremely high. And he didn't even want to think about the wicked scar that the puncture wound would leave behind once it healed.

 _If it healed,_ Donatello thought bleakly, well aware of how grievous the injury was. Sometimes, being the one in the family with the most medical knowledge was more of a curse than a blessing. Knowing the potential consequences and worst case scenarios just served as a constant source of stress.

Again, Donnie probably should have been grateful for his enemies preventing his exsanguination, but gratitude was certainly not something that he was feeling right about now. Besides, he was guessing that the two behemoths hadn't stopped him from bleeding to death out of the kindness of their hearts. Their actions were presumably not in his best interest.

Feeling no desire to stick around and find out what plans Tiger Claw and Grizzgore had in store for him, Donnie decided that an immediate escape would be his wisest option.

In an attempt to assess his situation, the injured turtle made the mistake of trying to sit up. The second that he moved, his entire body seized up in agony and he noticed that the warehouse started to spin like a centrifuge.

 _Head injury_ , Donnie needlessly reminded himself.

Lying as still as possible, he waited for the world to stop revolving and the pain to become somewhat tolerable before making another attempt to get up. This time, he went about it much slower, but he once again failed. Not on account of his injuries, but because his wrists were tied behind his back and any form of movement only seemed to make the ropes get tighter. His fingers were already tingling from the loss of circulation and he could feel the cruelly taut binds digging into his skin, rubbing the flesh underneath raw. Donnie then attempted to move his legs and soon discovered that his ankles were securely bound with rope as well.

 _What? Do they think I'm Houdini here?_ The turtle thought sardonically before it occurred to him that he was a highly trained ninja, so yeah . . . They were probably right in assuming that he was a bit of an escape artist. When Donnie stopped to really think about it, he realized that he was actually quite knowledgeable on ropes. He should have been giving himself credit where credit was due. He knew how to tie dozens of different knots. Why wouldn't he have the skills to untie them as well?

Prior to getting started on what he hoped would be an audacious and marvelous escape, Donnie scanned the room for any unwanted spectators that might try to spoil his upcoming stunt. There were multiple paw prints left in the thick layer of dust covering the floor, but other than that, there were no visible signs of his abductors. It was as though they had just tied him up and left him there. At first, Donnie was somewhat offended by the insinuation that he no longer posed any kind of threat, but then, his brain kicked it up a notch and set off his internal alarm system.

 _What if they're going after the guys? I've got to warn them!_

He wheezed and grunted as he tried to contort his body into a position that would allow him to perhaps untie his ankles with his bound hands. Luckily, he was flexible enough to pull off such a pretzel-like maneuver and he frantically began to work on untying the knots trussing his lower legs together. It was a little more challenging having to do the untying from behind and the extraordinarily awkward position was killing his wounded shoulder and ribs, but his desperation to protect his brothers helped him through it.

His fingers continued to twist and pick away at the knots, slowly loosening the binds keeping his feet pinned together. Little by little, he could feel the ropes coming undone, until finally, his legs were free to move.

He gritted his teeth as he carefully pushed himself up into a sitting position and kicked away the ropes at his feet. He then stood up and clumsily stepped over his bound wrists so that his hands were now in front of him rather than behind. His head, chest, and shoulder were protesting all of the movement, but he fought his way through the pain and dizziness.

Trying to stick to the darkest shadows under the catwalks along the walls of the warehouse, Donnie crept towards the exit of the building, fiddling with the ropes around his wrists as he went. Several times he had to stop working on the ropes so that he could sweep away the cobwebs from his face. While he appreciated the intricate work of arachnids from a biological standpoint, he couldn't stand having the sticky webs clinging to his face. It gave him the willies.

The pungent odor of mold, mildew, rust and various animal droppings filled his nostrils and made him nearly retch. At least it was slightly toning down the smell of blood, sweat, and burnt skin, but it wasn't helping his already queasy stomach condition. With the way things were going with his stomach lately, he was going to have to start taking in nutrients intravenously in order to survive.

As he kept moving, he tried breathing through his mouth instead of his nose, but that only seemed to further irritate his congested chest and something told him that a coughing fit would be a whole lot worse to deal with than the stench. Hence the reason he decided to switch back to inhaling and exhaling through his nose as he continued on.

The cold and fractured concrete flooring of the warehouse was strewn with miscellaneous clutter, including corroded barrels, soggy cardboard boxes and paper, busted pallets and stakes, fallen pieces of the ceiling and walls, and glass shards from the dozens of broken window panes and skylights. The mess at his feet was making it difficult for him to stay silent as well as keep his balance. Especially with his wrists still tied together.

That was when he was struck by a classic 'duh' moment. He looked down at the ropes, then, at the floor, and then, at the ropes again.

 _Uh, hello? Broken glass! Some genius you are!_ Donnie chewed himself out in his head for overlooking the obvious.

He was about to pick up a piece of jagged glass, intent on cutting his wrists free, when his T-phone rang out.

Donnie's eyes widened with alarm and his hands immediately reached for his belt to retrieve his chiming phone, only it wasn't there . . .

His chest constricted and his heart began to gallop as he turned just in time to see his two captors leap down from the catwalk above him. Donatello's immediate reaction was to try to back away from his attackers, but his shell was already scraping against the wall behind him. He was now having serious regrets over his decision to stick to the side of the building. If he would have just taken the straightest shot to the door – right down the center of the warehouse – maybe he would have had a ghost of a chance.

 _Hindsight is twenty-twenty,_ Donnie wryly sighed to himself.

The two giant mutants wasted no time looming in on the turtle, eliminating any possibility of making a break for it. As they edged closer and closer to where he stood, Donnie could barely hold in a gasp. Just the sight of their large fangs made him shudder.

"Someone keeps trying to contact you via this communication device, little one," Tiger Claw growled, as though he was angry with the phone. He then held up the device for Donnie to see and the genius turtle couldn't help but to notice that the phone looked rather puny in the palm of the mutant tiger's enormous paw. He also noticed that the phone's cheery ringtone sounded somewhat obnoxious given the direness of the situation.

"Probably just telemarketers. You know how persistent they can be," Donatello wittily remarked, and then, let out a nervous chuckle when it dawned on him that it hadn't really been the best time to make a smart aleck comment.

"Perhaps you should respond. I am sure your brothers are concerned about you by now. They are probably quite curious as to your whereabouts," Tiger Claw said in a low, dangerous tone.

What little bit of confidence Donatello still had started to waver as Tiger Claw's lone eye bore into him, but the turtle in purple was determined not to let his enemy see fear, so he sullenly turned his head away to imply that he wasn't about to cooperate.

"Do not test my patience any further, foolish turtle! You will answer the phone! And if you ever want to walk again, you will tell your brothers that you are fine and you will be home soon!" Tiger Claw shoved the phone into Donnie's battered chest as he barked out his orders and the maniacal look on the larger mutant's face suggested that he was not bluffing.

Grizzgore then contributed a grunt to the conversation, as if to wordlessly second Tiger Claw's threat.

Swallowing hard, Donnie lifted his head up and stared down at the phone which was no longer ringing, making it slightly easier to think straight. A myriad of scenarios were racing through the turtle's overactive brain. He really wanted to be able to walk again, but Tiger Claw had his T-phone and he couldn't let his enemies get a hold of the technology that he had built into the devices. It could put his whole family at risk, as well as April.

In the event of an emergency, such as this, Donatello had implanted a mechanism inside of their T-phones that made the phones self-destruct upon saying a specific phrase. When the self-destruct sequence was initiated, the genius turtle had programmed the phone to explode, rendering it utterly useless to the enemy. That way, they didn't have to worry about the enemy finding the location of the lair via the tracking devices in their phones. They had only used the mechanism a couple of times, but on those few occasions, the program had worked flawlessly.

There was another option that Donnie had just added to the self-destruct mode – per Leo's request – that could possibly save his shell. The turtle in purple had programmed the phones to send out a text message to all of the other T-phones indicating which user had initiated the self-destruct sequence and the time and location that the detonation had occurred. This message would alert the other T-phone users that something bad had potentially happened to one of them and inform the others where the mobile device had been located when the self-destruct sequence had been activated. He had just finished installing this new feature about an hour before he and his brothers had gotten into that epic fight.

In theory, this new upgrade could be a wonderfully useful tool, but Donnie was hesitant to use it. That was because he knew if the program worked as designed, his brothers would immediately come after him once they received the emergency message. While Donnie was obviously in need of his brothers' help, if they were to come to his rescue, it would mean that he would be putting their lives at risk all because he was dumb enough to get caught . . .

" _It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

" _You went off and almost got yourself killed!"_

" _You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

The voices in his head were back to remind him just how incompetent he truly was . . .

He hated the thought of his brothers endangering themselves on account of him. He wasn't worth it, but if he didn't destroy the phone, the technology could find its way into Shredder's hands. If that were to happen, it could lead the enemy right to their home. They could find Master Splinter or even April. Then, everyone he loved would be at risk.

There was no other option . . .

"T-Phone, self-destruct."

The phone began to spark and smoke in Tiger Claw's massive paw and Donnie had to internalize a satisfied smirk over the sight.

Dropping the phone to the hard ground below, Tiger Claw roared with insane fury and stomped on the smoldering device with his back paw as though he was trying to trample out a campfire. While it was almost comical to watch, Donnie soon realized that ticking the much bigger mutant off was not going to bode well for him.

As if on cue, Tiger Claw's head shot up and he locked a savage glare on the turtle that he was readying to pounce.

Since Donatello was unarmed and his wrists were still tied, his current best defensive mechanism was his legs. Just as Tiger Claw was about to strike, the ninja in purple attempted to plant a swift front kick into his enemy's abdomen, but the tiger's naturally catlike reflexes were quick enough that he caught Donnie's foot midair. The now furious mutant held Donnie's leg straight and brutally drove his elbow down into the turtle's shin.

A gruesome pair of cracking sounds filled the air, followed by the sound of Donnie screaming in pain. He then collapsed to the ground and continued to cry out in long, weeping hitches.

Unsympathetic to his victim's suffering, Tiger Claw reached down and grabbed the terrapin by the throat, instantly stifling his cries of agony. Once the turtle was quiet, the larger mutant hoisted him up off of the ground and roughly pinned him against the wall by his neck. Tiger Claw then lifted the defenseless turtle up so that they were at eye level.

With his feet now dangling several inches off of the ground, Donnie gasped for air, but the asphyxiating hold crushing his windpipe would not allow any oxygen to pass through.

"Since you are supposedly the most intelligent one, I am sure I do not need to tell you what a grave mistake you just made," Tiger Claw snarled coldly while he squeezed his paw even tighter around the turtle's throat. The mutant Bengal tiger pulled the turtle closer to him and watched with sadistic pleasure as the smaller mutant started to go limp in his grasp. He then slammed the nearly lifeless turtle into the wall and threw him to the ground at the mutant bear's feet.

"Grizzgore, get the chains," was the last thing that Donatello heard before blacking out again.

* * *

Raphael had never been the fastest of his brothers, but right now, he was pretty sure that he could have given any one of them a run for their money. He was flying through the junkyard at breakneck speed, as though possessed by an Olympic runner. With how fast he was clipping over the heavy debris covering the ground, it was a wonder that he hadn't taken a tumble and fallen shell over tea kettle. His brothers would have loved to have seen that.

The largest mound of junk in the scrap yard was only a few hundred feet away, so Raph slowed his pace to a jog as he visually scanned the area in search of his brothers. It didn't take him long to locate Leo, and a second later, he spotted Mikey and ran towards him.

Despite Raph's best efforts at sprinting, Mikey had still somehow gotten to Leo first, proving yet again that the youngest turtle was the fastest of the brothers. Raph really hated it whenever Mikey was better at something than he was. Not just because he was extremely competitive by nature, but also, because his baby brother was a big mouth who never let him live stuff like that down.

This time, however, Mikey didn't bother rubbing it in Raph's face that he was the quicker turtle. In fact, he didn't even acknowledge that his red-clad brother was there. The smallest turtle just remained sitting on the ground with his face held in his hands, crying nonstop.

The unnerving sight of his youngest brother sobbing uncontrollably for the second time that night made Raph's heart begin to beat out of time. He then looked over and saw that his older brother didn't look a whole lot more composed than Mikey. It was clear that the 'fearless' leader had also been devastated by whatever had caused Mikey's breakdown. Leonardo had always been better at camouflaging his emotions than their baby brother, but the hothead could still see the tears glistening in his big brother's eyes.

"What's going on, Leo? I got this weird text message about the self-destruct mechanism on Donnie's T-phone. What the shell is that all about?" Raph attempted to hide his concern by growling out his words. All the while, he waved his own T-phone around to further stress his point.

Leonardo's breath got stuck in his chest for a moment when he tried to answer, forcing him to wait until he was able to support oxygen again. Once he finally collected enough air to speak, his voice came out choked with anguish.

"You remember before the fight . . . when I was talking about Donnie making upgrades to the T-phones? Well . . . I had asked him if he could add a program to all of our phones where a text message would be sent out when someone initiated the self-destruct sequence. It was supposed to let the rest of us know right away if someone was in trouble and where they were. I guess I didn't realize that he had finished the project." Leonardo had muttered the last sentence so softly, it was barely audible. He then dipped his head down in shame, realizing that the whole fight back at the lair could have been avoided if he would have just stopped and listened to Donnie rather than jumping to conclusions. Leo had verbally and physically attacked Donatello when the genius turtle had done exactly what the leader in blue had asked him to do.

 _I'm the worst brother ever . . ._

Raph also hung his head down, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. He was having a hard time processing the information that he had just received. His imagination was now running wild with horrific visualizations of what could have happened to his brainiac brother.

"I failed him," Leo croaked out, unable to keep his grief in check. He turned away from his two brothers, too ashamed to face them. He was straining to hold himself together and his usual self-assurance had abandoned him.

Raph then found his voice again.

"We don't know for sure if Donnie's in trouble, Leo. Maybe he's just testing out the new program. You know, to see if it works. Or maybe the program had a glitch in it or something," Raph said with far more optimism than the brothers were used to hearing from him. Truth be told, the red-masked turtle was just struggling to come to terms with reality, fluctuating somewhere between a state of shock and a state of denial.

It was at this point that Mikey made a series of pitiful squeaking sounds. He then held up Donnie's duffle bag that had been sitting beside him on the ground where Raph couldn't see it. The bag was covered in blood. Presumably, Donnie's blood. As disturbing as that was, it wasn't even the worst of what Leo had found. Not even close . . .

Mikey blinked away his tears so that he could see for a little while, knowing that soon, a new round would come and blur his vision again. Then, the youngest turtle reached an unsteady hand inside of the bag and pulled out the blood-stained naginata half of Donnie's broken bo-staff.

When he heard Raph start cussing repeatedly – as his hotheaded brother tended to do when he was upset – Mikey dropped the items back down to the ground, not wanting to touch or look at them a second longer. He then buried his face in his hands once more and began to weep inconsolably. Just the sight of Donnie's bloodied and broken bo-staff made the youngest turtle fall apart all over again.

Staring down at the blood covered items that belonged to his missing little brother, Raphael felt a white hot flame ignite inside of him and it quickly started to grow into a raging fire. If someone had hurt Donnie, he was going to hurt them . . . badly.

"So why are we still standing here? Donnie's in trouble and that message told us exactly where he is! We've gotta get to him before – " Raph howled, but he stopped midsentence when he saw that Leo was clinging onto something in his hand for dear life. At first, Raph thought that Leo was just holding onto his T-phone, but the leader in blue wouldn't have been able to close his fist as tightly as he was if it was his phone in his hand.

"Leo?" Raph rasped out, barely able to speak. An overwhelming sense of dread was stealing his breath away. "What's in your hand?"

As he slowly turned to face Raph, Leo's whole body began to shake. The blue-clad ninja continued to clutch the object in his hand, keeping it concealed from his brother's vision.

"Leo!" Raph snapped, patience wearing dangerously thin. His short fuse had been lit and he was about to blow. He wanted nothing more than to punch something and his older brother was in his sights. His concern for Donnie had his temper spiraling out of control.

Sensing that his hotheaded brother was on the threshold of going ballistic, Leo held out his trembling hand and pried it open to reveal what he had been enclosing inside of his fingers.

Not even sure how to react to what he was seeing, Raph drew in a ragged breath, desperately trying to gather what little was left of his rationale. His sanity was hanging on by the most delicate of threads.

"Is that – " Raph was unable to finish the question on his first attempt, nearly choking on the remaining words of what he had been trying to say. He then gruffly cleared his throat and tried a second time. "Is that a piece of shell?"

Knowing that an answer to his temperamental brother's question was not actually necessary, Leo's dewy eyes just stared down at his open hand. There, in his palm, laid the bloodied, jagged piece of Donnie's carapace that he had found inside of his genius brother's duffle bag.

Balling his fists until his green knuckles turned white, Raphael threw his head back and let out an earsplitting roar. It sounded as though his inner beast had just been unleashed. He could feel his blood start to boil and his skin felt like it was about to burst into flames. His chest began to heave and his entire body went rigid as uncontainable anger coursed through his veins.

Mikey unsteadily got to his feet and approached his brothers.

"Donnie . . . he has to be okay. He just has to," Mikey whimpered, no louder than a whisper. He then reached out to clasp a hand around one of each of his two oldest brother's arms. "If anything happens to him . . . I just . . . I would never be able to live with myself knowing that he . . . that he died thinking we . . . we didn't care about him. Thinking that he was useless."

Mikey peered up at his brothers with a shattered expression that implied his whole world had just come crashing down upon him.

For a fleeting instant, Leo couldn't voice a response, afraid that if he dared to try, his self-control would come apart at the seams. Seeing his baby brother so visibly distraught and his immediate younger brother about to completely lose it made Leo feel as though he was going to be sick. The oldest brother thought that he, too, was going to lose it, but then, he remembered what his father had told him about keeping a level-head at all times, even when things were at their darkest . . .

 _"Leonardo, as leader, you cannot let your emotions control you. You have accepted the responsibility of leading your brothers, and with that responsibility, comes a great deal of obligation and burden. Above all else, you must stay strong and be the beacon that navigates your brothers to safety. They need you to keep balance at all times and it is critical that you remain calm and steady when faced with danger and hardship. If you cannot keep your feelings in check, you will not be able to protect your brothers."_

Drawing in a deep breath, Leo forced himself to calm down. His brothers needed him to stay confident and poised, no matter what. If he couldn't keep it together, how could he keep the team together? How could they save Donatello? They needed a vigilant and resilient leader to step up and guide them through or they would all fail. Even though inside, Leo felt as though everything had just fallen apart, he could not let his brothers see this weakness. He had to stay strong for Donnie's sake.

"Don't cry, Mikey. I promise you that we're going to get Donnie back. We aren't going home without our brother," Leo vowed with newfound determination. He then placed his hand on his youngest brother's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Yeah, and when we find whoever did this, I'm gonna kill 'em!" Raph added and there was a look of pure hatred glowing in his eyes.

Though Leonardo did not approve of his volatile brother's murderous threat, he did sympathize with the blind rage that Raphael was feeling right now. The hothead wasn't the only turtle who wanted to see whoever had done this to their little brother suffer in the worst possible way imaginable, but Leo had to remind himself to not let his anger cloud his judgment again. At least, not until they rescued their missing brother . . .

But once they got a hold of the monster that had hurt Donnie, Leo was pretty sure that all bets would be off . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Ooh, Tiger Claw and Grizzgore better watch out. Raph and Leo are seriously ticked off . . . X{**_

 _ **As always, if you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please continue to favorite/follow/review the story. I would love to know if you like it. Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_

 _ ***Special Note: I just wanted to let the 'Fractured Trust' readers/followers out there know that I will be posting the epilogue/one-shot for 'Broken Foot' very soon. The story is complete. I just have to edit it. This new one-shot is called 'To Err is Turtle' and it will be chapter 2 of my new collection of one-shots. The collection/story will be called 'TMNT Shell Shots.' You do not have to read 'Fractured Trust' prior to reading 'To Err is Turtle,' but it wouldn't hurt. There are a few references to 'Fractured Trust' in the new one-shot. Once again, thank you to everyone who read, 'favorited,' followed, and reviewed 'Fractured Trust' and thank you to those of you who suggested that I write an epilogue for 'Broken Foot.' I really hope that you like how it turned out. ;) CJ**_


	12. Chapter 12 - Separation Anxiety

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 12 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and this one is a little shorter than the previous few chapters, but it is a rather dramatic one.**_

 _ **Thank you so much to**_ _ **all**_ _ **of my readers. Also, a huge thanks to everyone that has 'favorited,' followed, and reviewed 'LITF' as well as my other stories. All of your kindness and encouragement means the world to me. I'm so happy that you like my stories. =}**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review 'LITF' if you are enjoying it. I really appreciate your feedback. Thanks for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 12 – Separation Anxiety**

Coming to again seemed much more painful than the last time that Donatello had woken up. His mutilated shoulder felt as though someone was holding a red hot fire poker to it while simultaneously trying to twist his arm right out of its socket . . . or maybe even rip it clean off. It was not a pleasant combination of sensations by any means. His throat felt like he had gargled with a cup of shattered glass, and then, swallowed every last shard. His murky lungs felt as if they couldn't take in enough air and it hurt just to breathe. He felt icy cold and he was shivering so violently that his teeth were chattering, but yet, at the same time, he was sweating profusely and he could feel that his skin was scalding hot, which told him that his abused body was still raging with fever. On top of all that, his aching arm, head, leg, face, chest, and ribs were all relentlessly throbbing in rhythm with his heart, making it difficult to concentrate on anything but his misery.

Slowly prying his eyelids halfway open, Donnie soon realized that he was still in the same abandoned warehouse, only now, he was chained up and suspended about a foot above the cracked concrete floor. He had been strung up by his wrists, forcing his arms to support all of his weight, which was putting an unbearable amount of strain on his grievously wounded shoulder. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that the stab wound had already torn open and blood was steadily seeping out of the mangled-looking hole. This was definitely going to be a major setback to the healing process.

There were heavy shackles locked around his wrists and the metal of the manacles was digging and cutting into his skin even worse than the ropes had. His new restraints were far more uncomfortable than the previous ones, effectively cutting off the majority of the circulation to his upper and lower extremities. His fingers and toes were already numb from the minimal blood flow and he felt an unpleasant tingling sensation in his arms and legs, as though someone was pricking him with thousands of pins. Of course, this unpleasant sensation was being significantly lessened by the excruciating pain of his now countless injuries.

In his weakened condition, Donnie was barely able to move, but he did somehow manage to tilt his head back so that he could look above him and study the chains that he was hanging from. His eyes followed the thick, iron links all the way up to the steel roof trusses. The chains looked to be solid enough. Chances were he wasn't going to be able to break them, dashing the first escape plan that had occurred to him.

Letting his head slump forward, Donnie then got a good look at his leg for the first time since Tiger Claw had injured it. The brainy turtle immediately found himself wishing that he hadn't looked down, for he had been much better off not knowing what the wounded limb looked like. He grimaced at the ugly sight, but did not turn his eyes away from it. The doctor part of him felt a morbid need to assess the damage.

Though he had not suffered from a compound fracture, his leg was visibly broken. Judging by the swelling and bruising over the area where Tiger Claw had struck him with his elbow and the odd angle that his leg was hanging, both the tibia and fibula had been fractured from the violent blow. He was actually surprised that the busted limb didn't hurt more than it did.

 _Well, I guess that's one thing to be thankful for_. . . Donnie thought bitterly while trying his best to ignore the know-it-all voice now sounding off inside of his head. That voice was not so helpfully reminding him of the many detrimental consequences of untreated broken bones, including permanent nerve damage, which very well could have explained the lack of pain. Then, there was the potential of muscle and ligament damage, physical deformities, avascular necrosis, severe arthritis, loss of mobility in the limb, loss of the limb altogether –

 _Okay, okay! You seriously need to stop thinking so much!_ Donnie mentally chewed himself out. He certainly didn't need any more voices filling his head with negative thoughts. He already had enough problems with voices in his head as it was.

Squeezing his eyes as tightly shut as he could, he cursed his bad luck.

Even if he somehow managed to get himself unchained, his chances of getting away were pretty slim. Unless he came up with some sort of miraculous way to _completely_ incapacitate his captors, it was not very likely that he was going to successfully escape on a broken leg . . .

 _Might as well scratch escape plans two through twenty off the list . . ._

Overwhelmed by the sheer hopelessness of the situation, Donnie let a low, wheezy-sounding groan slip out, which inadvertently drew his nearby enemies' attention.

Upon hearing and seeing that the turtle had regained consciousness, the two hairy behemoths quickly made their way over to him.

 _Smooth move, Genius_ . . . Donnie silently berated himself over his own stupidity. Then, his brothers' voices just had to chime in as well . . .

" _You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _Here I thought Mikey was the bonehead of the family."_

The haunting words spoken by Leo and Raph the night of Donnie's fall from the fire escape had the genius turtle suddenly wishing that the know-it-all voice inside of his head would come back to drown them out. He much preferred that voice over the sound of his two older brothers' voices criticizing him. At least with the know-it-all voice, he only had to –

Another voice inside of his head stopped him from finishing that last thought. The voice of reason.

 _Okay, you're about to get your shell cracked by two bloodthirsty monsters and you're busy thinking about which voice in your head you like better? What is wrong with you? You really are the bonehead of the family!_

"Well, look who finally decided to open his eyes." Tiger Claw's deep, intimidating voice echoed throughout the spacious warehouse, or maybe it was just echoing inside of Donnie's pounding head. It was difficult for the purple-clad turtle to tell due to his debilitated state.

Weakly lifting his head up, Donnie was instantly struck by a temporary case of acute vertigo that plagued his vision and made everything around him look lopsided. The injured turtle let his head fall back down again and closed his bleary eyes, hoping that a moment of rest might help him to regain his sight and the ability to think straight. What he really could use right about now was a reset button so that he could start the whole day – or maybe even the whole month – over again . . .

In the meantime, Tiger Claw continued to edge closer and closer to the turtle. Donnie was vaguely aware that the feline mutant was now standing only a few feet away from where he was hanging. Grizzgore remained a couple more feet behind his superior, but the massive bear was still disconcertingly close.

"You have caused us far more trouble than you are worth, young one. Because of your injuries, we were forced to enter this filthy warehouse or else you would have bled to death before we reached Master Shredder's lair. Then, we had to wait around for you to wake up from your little nap. I do not appreciate you delaying our mission," Tiger Claw rasped resentfully as if he truly believed that the turtle was the one at fault for the horrific injuries that the two inhumane beasts had inflicted upon him.

Donatello half-opened his eyes once more, but he did not raise them up to look at either of his enemies. Partly, because he didn't want them to see that he was scared, and partly, because it would have been way too much effort to lift his head up again.

Still trying to recover from his bout of vertigo, Donnie's brain had to take a few extra moments to process what Tiger Claw had just said. When his mind was finally able to make sense of the words, Donnie was immediately filled with both anger and disbelief. After what Tiger Claw had done to him, the heartless mutant had actually had the gall to complain about the inconvenience that Donnie had caused _him_. After everything that had transpired, the coldblooded monster was actually disgusted that Donnie had nearly bled to death and been unconscious longer than his liking.

 _Are you kidding me?_

A hundred and one snide remarks came to mind, but in an attempt to save his shell, the genius turtle decided to just snort disdainfully in response to Tiger Claw's absurd comments.

Unfortunately, Donatello's reaction had still managed to enrage the mutant tiger.

The cold metal of a blade being pushed up against the side of his neck caused Donnie to jerk his head up in a panic.

"You _will_ look at me when I address you, turtle," Tiger Clawed snarled out and he pulled his lips back into a sneer to reveal his fangs. He then pressed the razor-sharp edge of his giant sword even harder into the sensitive flesh where Donnie's chin and neck met, forcing the turtle to hold his head up and look him in the eye.

Seeing the malice in Tiger Claw's features, Donnie attempted to gulp down his fear while he nervously stared at his captor. He was barely able to see through his blackened eye, but he focused it on the bigger mutant as best he could. He didn't feel a need to agitate the tiger any further.

"I have grown tired of your insolence, little cub. I will have you know, if not for my orders, I would have gladly killed you by now." Tiger Claw had spoken as though he felt he deserved a thank you for the admirable restraint and mercy that he had shown thus far.

The unyielding pain that continued to rip through Donatello's entire body was hardly making him feel all that appreciative of the way that the mutant cat had been treating him, but the genius turtle chose to keep his feelings to himself. The sword being pushed up against his neck was doing a fine job of keeping his sarcastic tongue in check. He figured that one ill-timed, spiteful remark could get his throat slit.

"Master Shredder wants me to keep you alive, but he did not say you had to be unharmed. That means I have permission to beat you within an inch of your life if I so desire, and believe me, I desire to. As long as you are still breathing, I can do anything I want to you." As soon as Tiger Claw had finished his last sentence, he pressed his sword so forcefully against the turtle's neck, the blade cut into the flesh.

The sting of the sword's edge slicing through his top layer of skin made Donnie wince and he could feel a warm trail of blood running down his throat. He tried to shrink away from the weapon, but the sword just moved right along with him, sinking in deeper.

"Now tell me, is there any way to retrieve what was on your communication device?" Tiger Claw leaned even closer to Donnie, eliciting a small whimper from the frightened turtle.

"Uh . . . no . . . there isn't." Donatello's initial reply was full of apprehension, but as he continued on with his answer, his confidence began to grow without him even realizing it. "When I designed the T-phone, I . . . I implanted a self-destruct mechanism inside of the device, that when initiated, would completely destroy the phone's tracking chip and all of the stored data. It renders the phone totally useless. Pretty cool, huh?" Donnie bragged, perhaps more smugly than he probably should have given the grim circumstances. It was hardly the opportune time to boast about one of his inventions, nor was it a good plan to divulge too much information to one of his sworn enemies.

"So what you are telling me is that there is no way for your brothers to contact you or track your location now that your little phone is destroyed?" Tiger Claw twitched his thick, white whiskers and tilted his head to one side to demonstrate his curiosity.

Once again, Donnie had to bite back several dozen sarcastic comments that popped into his head, even though he was just dying to mock the larger mutant for his astonishing powers of deduction or say something about curiosity killing the cat. Tiger Claw's sword was still cutting into his skin, warning Donatello that it would not be a wise move to test the big kitty's patience right now. The last thing that Donnie wanted to do was give Tiger Claw a reason to cut his tongue out just to set himself up for the obvious cat pun.

The sword suddenly sinking deeper into his neck snapped Donnie out of his thoughts and rudely reminded him that the oversized feline was still impatiently waiting for an answer to his question.

"That's exactly what I'm telling you! I won't let you use me as bait to lure my brothers into a trap!" Donnie seethed, coming off much more standoffish than he had originally intended to. Especially considering the fact that he had just been worrying about Tiger Claw cutting his tongue out or slitting his throat.

Fortunately for Donnie, the mutant tiger didn't seem at all offended by his Raph-like display of brazenness.

"Is that what you think this is all about? Capturing your brothers?" Tiger Claw had raised an eye ridge quizzically as he had asked his questions. He then let out an evil cackle, apparently quite amused by the smaller mutant's assumption.

"Well . . . yeah." The confidence that Donnie had exhibited only a second ago had deflated out of him like air from a balloon. He blankly stared ahead, still mulling over what Tiger Claw had just said.

Of course the genius turtle thought that this was all about capturing his brothers.

 _What else would it be about?_

"My orders are to deliver you and you alone to Master Shredder. Grizzgore and I have been stuck surveying that wretched junkyard for the better part of a week now. All because our resources indicated that you frequented the facility on your own on a regular basis. I was getting sick and tired of that revolting place, but Master Shredder insisted that we capture you when you were separated from your brothers." The disgruntlement in Tiger Claw's tone made it clear that he had not been pleased with the assignment that he had been given. Truthfully, Donatello wasn't all that pleased with it, either . . .

"S – So you . . . you've been stalking me?" As Donatello stammered out the question, he narrowed his unswollen eye suspiciously. He really wasn't liking where the conversation was heading. "What . . . What do you want with _me_?"

"Our intelligence has been tracking your movements for some time now and they informed us that you are the most intellectually gifted of your clan and the one responsible for the strange contraptions you and your brothers use. It seems that the unique abilities you possess have caused us a great deal of trouble. Master Shredder has taken an interest in your special talents and has requested you be brought to him. He wants to put your skills to work," Tiger Claw explained without an iota of emotion in his voice.

"And what makes Shredder think that I would ever consider cooperating with him? Your master has brought nothing but pain and suffering to my family," Donatello fumed, as if the mere insinuation that he would even think of lending his skills to Oroku Saki was the single most offensive thing that he had ever heard. The anger now flowing through the genius turtle gave him an unexpected second wind and he was suddenly able to hold his head up with much more ease. This allowed him to fix a tenacious glare on Tiger Claw as he spoke again.

"I would rather die than work for him!"

"That can be arranged, believe me." Tiger Claw reached forward and latched a paw around the turtle's jaw, pulling the reptile closer while he continued on with his threat. "Master Shredder will only keep you alive for as long as you prove useful to him. If you do not comply with his demands, he will not hesitate to kill you, but not before making you suffer in the most excruciating of ways. With you gone, your clan will fall apart. Without your special talents, your brothers will not stand a chance against our army. As far as I am concerned, your demise would be a win-win situation, so do not tempt me, turtle."

"My brothers will come for me," Donnie said tritely, and then, internalized a grimace. The words hadn't sounded quite as cheesy in his head as they did when he had actually spoken them aloud. He wondered if this was how Leo felt whenever he made a corny comment and Raph called him out on it.

Apparently entertained by what the turtle had said, Tiger Claw let loose a low laugh that was so gravelly-sounding, it made Donnie feel like he needed to clear his own throat.

"Without the communication device that you just destroyed, your brothers will not be able to find you." As Tiger Claw snarled out the words, he hoisted Donnie up by his face, lifting the turtle another good foot or so higher off of the ground.

While Donnie welcomed the reprieve on his sore arms and shoulders, being held up by the jaw didn't feel a whole lot better. It felt as though his bones were going to be crushed in the mutant tiger's powerful grip, but the genius turtle didn't let the discomfort stop him from firing back a response.

"You're wrong! My brothers are already on their way here, even as we speak!"

"As much as I would love to indulge in defeating your brothers again, my orders are clear. I am to separate you from your brothers . . . _permanently_." It was evident that Tiger Claw had taken a tremendous amount of satisfaction in what he had just declared, which had somehow made the dreadful words even harder for the turtle to stomach.

"They will find me," Donnie avowed with as much faith as he could still summon, but with each passing second, his resolve was starting to wilt.

"No, I assure you they will _never_ find you." The mutant tiger put so much emphasis on the word 'never,' it made Donnie flinch in his grasp. Tiger Claw's mouth then curled up into an arrogant smirk for a moment before he continued to speak in a hateful voice.

"You are to be relocated to a facility overseas where they will work on retraining your mind. Trust me when I say that their methods will not be pleasant. You will wish that I had put you out of you misery. And I can guarantee that there is no way your brothers will ever be able to discover the location of the facility. Once we leave this building, the life you knew will be gone forever."

Tears started to sting Donatello's reddish-brown eyes as he was besieged by a mixture of shock and horror. He was in so much pain, he could barely think anymore. He was so sick, he could barely move anymore. He was so depressed, he could barely hope anymore. And now that he was faced with the reality that he may never see his brothers again, he could barely find the will to live anymore.

 _At least they'll be safe_ . . . Donnie thought while he let his body go limp in Tiger Claw's clutches. Gravity suddenly seemed to be pulling down on the genius turtle with considerably more force than before.

The sorrow etched in the lines across the turtle's face was unmistakable and Tiger Claw could feel the scrawny mutant's will to fight was gone. Just like that, the terrapin was broken. Tiger Claw could see that he had demoralized his captive beyond repair, but that wasn't enough. The mutant Bengal tiger didn't want to miss the chance to pour additional salt in the turtle's wounds.

"Oh, I am sorry. Were you naïve enough to believe that New York is the only place that Master Shredder has allies? Perhaps you are not so smart after all, little cub." The tone that Tiger Claw used was clearly meant to mock the turtle and he once again looked to be enjoying his victim's pain.

The mutant tiger then lowered Donatello back down and released his grip on the turtle's bruised face. The smaller mutant now suspended by his wrists again instantly dropped his head down, resting his chin against his battered plastron. The turtle's breathing crackled and hitched as he inhaled and exhaled, but Tiger Claw didn't care. So long as his captive was still alive when he presented him to Master Shredder, his mission would be a success.

"And now it is time to deliver the package as promised. I am sorry we cannot wait around for your brothers to show up. Pity. I am sure they would have liked to have said goodbye. But I give you my word that I will personally let them know you will be brutally tortured and have the honor of being Master Shredder's prisoner for the rest of your life. I look forward to seeing the looks on their faces when I inform them that they will never see their precious brother again," Tiger Claw goaded and his face twisted with a fiendish grin while he tauntingly patted the top of the turtle's head as though he was nothing but a mindless pet.

Utterly devastated and stricken with indescribable grief, Donnie kept his head hung down, paying no heed to his enemy's cruel and demeaning gesture. The genius turtle didn't care anymore. The pain in his body even seemed to lessen, dulled by the ache in his heart. The mere thought of what had happened the last time that he had seen his brothers was suffocating him. He would give anything to go back and change what had occurred. If he would have only known that that was going to be the last time that he would ever see them again, he would have done things so much differently.

Never before had Donatello wanted so much to just curl up into a ball and disappear. Never before had he felt so scared and alone. He couldn't imagine life without his family. That wasn't a life at all. It was too much for him to take in all at once and his eyes quickly betrayed him, letting the tears that he had been fighting so hard finally fall and soak into his mask.

"Let's get the prisoner out of here before his pathetic brothers arrive. I am sure Master Shredder would like to _visit_ with him for a while before his flight leaves." Tiger Claw put extra scorn on the word 'visit' and he followed his words with yet another evil cackle. He then sheathed his sword so that he could remove the chains attached to the shackles around the turtle's wrists.

Then, just as Tiger Claw reached up towards the chains, a low-pitched grumble rolled deep in Grizzgore's throat that made the turtle's broken heart skip a beat.

The noise was different from anything that Donatello had heard come out of the mutant bear. Granted, the genius turtle did not speak bear, nor was he a bear expert by any means, but he was fairly certain that there was an edge of uneasiness in the grumble.

A tiny spark of hope started to grow deep inside of Donnie and he wearily lifted his head up to see what had prompted the sound. That was when he noticed that Grizzgore's posture had straightened up and the bear had puffed his chest out, almost as though he felt threatened.

"What is it, Grizzgore?" Tiger Claw stopped what he had been doing so he could glance over his shoulder at his partner who had been disturbingly quiet up until now.

The mutant grizzly's ears perked up and his nose started to twitch as he made a series of strange grunting and snorting sounds. He narrowed his already small eyes and scanned around the open space that they were in, acting like he was half-expecting someone or something to jump out at him from the shadows encasing the warehouse.

"Turtles," the mutant bear growled, turning to face the front entrance of the building.

Tiger Claw took a few steps away from Donnie, leaving the turtle dangling from the chains above. The mutant tiger then began to visually check the various openings of the warehouse, searching for any signs of movement. The few windows in the building were high up, very close to the roof beams. Chances were, if the turtle's brothers had arrived, they weren't going to come in through that way, as it would make for an awkward entrance. That left only the front and rear exit doors of the building as well as the skylights. A quick once over of those entrances revealed no motion.

The mutated tiger's senses were highly developed, but Grizzgore's sense of hearing and smell were so heightened that he was able to hear even the lowest level of noises, which Tiger Claw was currently thankful for. Perhaps the turtles were still on the outskirts of the building, which would buy him and Grizzgore a little more time.

Tiger Claw's brain quickly went to work on piecing together some sort of a plan when his hostage inconveniently found his voice again.

"Guys! Help me! I'm inside the – " Donnie yelled out as loud as his clogged lungs would allow him to, but his cries were abruptly cut short by Tiger Claw. The large cat grabbed him harshly by the back of the neck with one paw and covered his mouth with the other paw in order to shut him up.

"Foolish turtle! One more peep out of you and I will have Grizzgore break your other leg . . . and he will not go about it as gently as I did. Do you understand?" Tiger Claw dug his claws into the turtle's flesh, making the threat that he had just issued that much more compelling.

Not in any shape to call Tiger Claw's bluff, Donnie timidly nodded to indicate that he had understood.

Confident that his prisoner was intelligent enough not to test his word, Tiger Claw released his hold on the turtle. Keeping a watchful eye on the smaller mutant, the feline assassin then reached for one of his holsters and pulled out the item sheathed inside.

Donnie's good eye widened with fear as he stared at the weapon now aimed directly at him and he began to squirm against his restraints. It looked something like a modified stun gun, but he was guessing that it had a lot more capabilities than your average taser. He didn't really want to hang around and find out, but the chains binding him held tight and he had nowhere to go. He cringed and unwittingly let a nervous squeak slip out.

"If you think your brothers are going to rescue you from a fate worse than death, you are sorely mistaken, young one. They will not save you." The words fell from the mutant tiger's lips like molten lava, meant to burn the turtle all the way to the core.

Then, with a simple pull of the trigger, the rod at the tip of the weapon clenched in Tiger Claw's paw started to glow bright blue.

"N – No, please. S – Stop! I – I won't – " Donnie started to plead as the weapon came closer, but he was not allowed to finish.

Not the least bit interested in what the smaller mutant had to say, Tiger Claw firmly pressed the end of the weapon against the turtle's neck.

Jarring pain shot through Donnie's whole body for an indiscernible amount of time and he could only register a garbled scream before unconsciousness claimed him. His body drooped bonelessly from the cuffs around his wrists.

Grizzgore had heard the strangled gurgling sound that had come from their prisoner and he turned to see a now lifeless looking turtle. The mutant grizzly bear's eyes then moved from the unresponsive captive to Tiger Claw and he fixed an angry scowl on the cat as if to question his actions.

"Do not worry, partner," Tiger Claw said rather condescendingly as he returned his 'gun' to the holster that it had been in. "He is still alive. The weapon merely rendered him unconscious. It is all part of my plan . . . "

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I really hope that you liked this chapter. Thank you so much for reading. If you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please continue to favorite, follow, and review. I would LOVE to know if you like my story. Thanks, again. ;) CJ**_

 _ ***Special Note: I would like to thank everyone who read, 'favorited,' followed, and/or reviewed 'TMNT Shell Shots' ('To Err is Turtle') this week. I am so grateful for your support. 8}**_


	13. Chapter 13 - Finding Donnie

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 13 of 'Lost in the Fight' and it's loaded with all kinds of angst. This one gets pretty emotional, but there's a little bit of humor mixed in as well. XD**_

 _ **A huge thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read, 'favorite,' follow, and review this story. Everyone has been so incredibly kind and I appreciate it more than words can say. I have received over 200 reviews, 70 favorites, and 80 follows on 'LITF' so far, which is absolutely amazing. That is much,**_ _ **much**_ _ **better than I ever expected and** **I am just so, so grateful** ** _._ Oh my gosh! I never imagined that I would be lucky enough to have another one of my stories do as well as 'You're Needed Here Now, Donnie.' Wow! I'm super excited and I can't thank everyone enough! You are all wonderful! *hugs* :} **_

_**Once again, if you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please continue to favorite/follow/review the story. I would love to know if you like it. Thank you very, very much for reading week after week. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 13 – Finding Donnie**

It came as no great surprise to any of them that the GPS coordinates had led their search straight to an abandoned warehouse. The dilapidated building was surrounded by several vacant lots and commercial real estate properties that appeared to be long forsaken just like the warehouse.

It also came as no great surprise that the area was enshrouded by heavy shadows due to a shortage of sufficient lighting. The only illumination in the vicinity was coming from the beams of the last quarter moon above, the glare of a handful of streetlights that had not been broken by vandals yet, and the glow of the city skyline reflecting off of the glassy surface of the lake the warehouse stood next to.

This place had 'bad guy hideout' written all over it.

Leonardo sighed to himself, knowing that if Donnie was with them right now, he would have no doubt been making fun of whomever or whatever they were after for their genuine lack of originality and cerebral prowess. In the back of the oldest turtle's mind, he could hear Donnie sarcastically complaining in that distinct voice that the genius turtle always used whenever he was irritated with something. Hearing that voice inside of his head made Leo miss his brainy little brother all the more.

Presently, a stack of decomposing crates and broken slabs of cement piled outside of the warehouse was serving as a temporary hiding place for the three turtles, although, for the life of him, Raphael could not understand why the heck a handful of highly trained ninjas needed to hide. Especially when it was the middle of the night and the lighting outside of the warehouse was scant at best. There were shadows all around the building that they could have easily cloaked themselves with.

Raph grunted in discontent for at least the eighth time since they had arrived at the warehouse just a few minutes ago. The turtle in red had already expressed his disapproval of crouching behind some heap of smelly old wood and concrete, but Leo had insisted that they find a safe spot to scope out the building and immediate area before making a move. The only reason that the hotheaded turtle had gone along with the whole 'hide and peek' thing was because he really didn't think it was a good idea to get into yet another argument with Leo right now. With what little remained of Raph's patience, he was afraid that he might flip out and strangle his overbearing older brother, or even worse, he might stick him in the eye with one of his sais.

 _Imagine explaining that one to Master Splinter_ , Raph thought to himself, cringing over the mental picture of his bossy big brother coming home with a sai projecting out of his head.

Raph turned and looked over at Leo for a moment, almost feeling a need to apologize for having such morbid thoughts, but when he saw that contemplative crease in his excessively analytical brother's brow, he quickly thought better of apologizing. No doubt Leonardo was absorbed in coming up with some sort of dramatic, elaborate, over-thought-out rescue plan that Raphael would hate.

 _Maybe sticking old Fearless Leader with a sai wasn't such a bad idea . . ._

Craning his neck to peer around the pile of crates and cement slabs that they were taking refuge behind, Leonardo studied the warehouse with careful scrutiny, taking every observation he made into account. Just as Raph had suspected, the oldest turtle was completely lost in the planning process. He was currently sifting through the various ideas materializing in his head, categorizing and ranking the feasible ones accordingly, while at the same time, mentally eliminating those that had the highest likelihood of failure or were too dangerous to even consider attempting.

Though Leo was trying to focus all of his concentration on sorting through and weighing their options, his attention was suddenly captured by the windows of the warehouse and he felt a pang of worry seep into his thoughts. One of the first things that he had noticed about the building was that a majority of the glass window panes lined up near the roofline of the warehouse had been busted out. Leonardo, Raphael, and Michelangelo were only about twenty feet away from the building at this point and there were barely any windows left intact to act as a sound barrier, but yet, they hadn't heard any noise come from the warehouse. If Donnie was inside of the building with whoever had taken him, why hadn't they heard anything?

 _Unless they knew we were coming . . ._

The silence was unnerving. Much like the uneasy silence that had come from Master Splinter just after Leo had been forced to tell his father why he had gotten that unusual text message from Donatello.

The memory of his father's reaction to the news made Leonardo cringe in his shell.

Shortly after the three brothers had left the junkyard to track down Donnie, Leo had received a call from Master Splinter, who had been looking for an explanation for the mysterious message that he had received from his missing son. Once Leo had gotten over his initial shock that his father had actually had his T-phone on and had figured out how to read the text message, he then had to inform Sensei what the message had meant and what they had found in Donatello's duffle bag. Telling Master Splinter what they had discovered at the junkyard had been almost as hard as having to tell his father that he had hit Donnie. Leo could still hear the tragic way that Master Splinter had gasped out the words 'my son' just after he had told him about the piece of carapace that had been left for them to find, but what had been even worse to hear was the prolonged sound of silence that had followed his father's gasp. At least a full minute had passed before either of them could speak again and when Master Splinter's voice did return to him, it had been unusually quiet as he had spoken his last words of their brief conversation.

" _Please . . . bring your brother home, Leonardo."_

The oldest turtle had heard the desperation and fearfulness in his father's voice as he had made his heartfelt plea. Leonardo could have also sworn that he had heard disappointment coming through in his father's words. Whether that disappointment that Master Splinter had been feeling was in himself for not being there to help rescue Donatello or if it had been in Leonardo for what he had done to cause all of this, the turtle in blue was not sure. Not that it really mattered. Either way, Leonardo still felt nothing but shame.

The oldest turtle shook his head from side to side when he thought of the last words that he had said to his father before abruptly ending the phone exchange.

" _I swear on my honor, I will find him, father. I will not return home until I do."_

The vow had been made with as much passion and conviction as Leonardo could call upon, but it still did not feel as though it had been enough. After all of the hurt that Leo had caused Donnie, the eldest son worried that his father might think that his words were nothing more than an empty promise, spoken out of guilt. And how could Leo blame Master Splinter for thinking the worst of him when he had failed his father and brothers so badly?

 _I'm the reason for all of this . . ._

Another annoyed grunt from Raphael snapped Leo out of his moment of self-pity, and for the first time ever, the oldest turtle was thankful for his immediate younger brother being so rude. It helped the leader to refocus on what was truly important, and that was finding Donnie.

"So, what's the plan, Fearless?" Raphael asked in a strained whisper as he glanced up at the rundown building where their T-phones had indicated their genius brother was located. The hotheaded turtle's fists were tightly clamped around the leather wrapped handles of his pronged weapons while he impatiently waited for Leo's instructions.

With Donnie missing, that meant that Leonardo was the only sensible planner left on the team. The problem was, with Donnie missing, Leo was having an extremely difficult time just trying to think straight. What the leader in blue could have really used right about now was his most logical and intelligent brother's advice, because Mikey and Raph had never been all that much help when it came to strategizing. While Mikey on very rare occasions would surprise them by coming up with a good idea, for the most part, the youngest turtle's plans were unrealistic and on the verge of ridiculous. Many of them stemmed from something that he had read straight out of a comic book or had seen on some TV program. And then there was Raph . . . Raph's idea of a plan would be to run into the building half-cocked and just start busting heads. With Donnie's life possibly on the line, Leo wasn't about to go along with letting the hothead do his usual act first, think later line of attack.

"I'm thinking we should go in from the roof." Leo first held his hands out in front of him, with his palms parallel to each other, and then, he pointed a forefinger towards the top of the building. Raph and Mikey nodded to demonstrate that they were listening and stared intently at their oldest brother while they waited for him to elaborate further on his plan. They had mistakenly assumed that Leo would go right into the specifics, including how they were going to scale up the building, what they were going to do once they got up there, who would be responsible for what, et cetera. These were the types of step-by-step details that they had come to expect from their oftentimes long-winded brother in blue, but no additional information came. Instead, Leo just knelt there, staring at them.

Apparently, going in from the roof was the extent of their oldest brother's plan . . .

"That's it? That's your grand plan? We've been sitting out here freezing our shells off so you could come up with that?" Raph asked through gnashed teeth, trying to keep his voice hushed, but it was pretty hard for him to stay quiet when he was so incredibly irritated.

"Our options are kind of limited here, Raph," Leo muttered under his breath while he scowled at his red-clad brother.

"So the best thing you can come up with to save Donnie is to climb up on the roof of a building that looks like it's about to freakin' cave in? And then what? We fall to our deaths? No! Wait! Maybe we'll just get horrifically injured, and then, we could just bleed all over whoever or whatever took Donnie. You know, ruin their favorite pants or sweater or something. Now that would be a real impressive entrance." It was not even remotely possible for someone to be more sarcastic than Raph had just been. He then let out a low-pitched groan before bitterly adding, "Three words, Leo. Worst plan ever."

"What would you rather have us do, Raph? Waltz through the front door, weapons drawn, and just start attacking everything in sight?" Leo flung his arm out to the side, using the somewhat theatric gesture to emphasize the frustration that he was feeling. His eyes then narrowed into angry slits as he watched Raph's reaction.

"Uh, yeah, Leo. I would." The look on Raph's face implied a 'duh,' as if the answer to his older brother's question was excruciatingly obvious. The temperamental turtle then got to his feet and his chest heaved with fury as he fiercely stared down at the blue-masked ninja.

"Then, by all means, Raph, go ahead and just strut in there without any kind of plan or backup. But don't come crying to me when you realize that getting fatally wounded sucks," Leo grumbled and he, too, rose to his feet. Once he was standing before his shorter, hotheaded brother, the oldest turtle folded his arms across the upper scutes of his plastron and slouched back nonchalantly as if he was leaning against an invisible wall. He was trying his best to look indifferent while he waited for Raph's response to what he had said.

"Oh, now you're accusing _me_ of being incapable of holding my own in a fight? It wasn't enough that you did it to Donnie?" If the snarl in Raph's voice hadn't made his indignation blatantly clear, the homicidal glare that he had zeroed in on his older brother certainly had.

Once again, Leo shook his head, only this time, in disbelief. He sealed his lips tightly shut to suppress a silent scream of exasperation. He hadn't been trying to accuse Raph of anything, but leave it to his hot-tempered brother to bend and twist his words into something they were not meant to be and turn them into yet another reason for an argument. The oldest turtle was not about to indulge in Raph's appetite for destruction. Especially since all Leo had been trying to do was _avoid_ a fight. He had just wanted to get his volatile brother to stop and use his head for once.

"I'm not accusing anyone of anything. I'm just saying that, at this point, we don't even know who or what we're up against. As leader, it's my responsibility to protect all of you, and if we just go charging in there like you want, I can't guarantee our safety. That kind of carelessness could get us all killed and it would be my fault. Is that what you want, Raph?" Leonardo looked at his red-masked brother with a deceptively somber expression, determined not to reveal the many conflicted emotions racking his insides. All three of his brothers were depending on him so he needed to be the one who remained vigilant and clearheaded. Regardless of his troubled thoughts and his overwhelming fear for Donnie, Leo knew that, above all else, he had to stay strong and confident for his brothers.

Raph snorted in response and turned his face away in self-reproach, fixing his intense gaze on the ground below. The storm raging inside of him had let up long enough to momentarily clear his clouded mind and that newfound clarity brought the conversation to an awkward halt.

It was at this point that Mikey gruffly cleared his throat, as if to announce that he was, in fact, still there. The youngest turtle was crouched behind the stack of crates and cement, just as he had been the whole time that Leo and Raph had been 'discussing' the plan. Michelangelo had had no interest in getting involved in what he had assumed would turn into yet another inappropriate argument between his siblings, but now that his brothers had stopped talking and their tempers appeared to have died down slightly, Mikey saw a golden opportunity to put his two cents in. He slowly stood up and looked at his two oldest brothers. His eyes widened to the size of saucers and his heavy tears glistened in the moonlight. The happiness and enthusiasm that everyone expected from the baby of the family was gone. There was only sorrow in his once bright eyes.

Now that he had his big brothers' attention, Mikey reached down for his belt and pulled out the shell fragment that Leonardo had found inside of Donnie's duffle bag. The youngest turtle had taken the fragment from Leo just before they had left the junkyard. That had been because his oldest brother had looked as though he didn't know what to do with it, almost like he had been terrified of it. Raph, on the other hand, had just wanted to get 'it' as far away from him as possible. Mikey hadn't thought that it would be right to just leave it behind. As disturbing as the broken off piece of their genius brother's shell was, it was a part of Donnie and Mikey couldn't bring himself to throw it away. And now, he couldn't stop himself from using it to remind Leo and Raph of why they were there.

The youngest sibling held the jagged and bloodstained piece of his missing brother's carapace in his open hand as he spoke.

"I just want Donnie home, safe and sound. He's hurt and he's sick . . . and he's sad and all alone. He needs us, guys. He needs us to save him. I don't care whether we go in through the roof . . . or whether we go in through the front door . . . We could even bust through the walls like that Kool-Aid dude . . . It doesn't matter. The only thing that totally matters right now is getting our brother back." Mikey's bottom lip quivered while he darted his big, waterlogged blue eyes back and forth between his brothers. When he saw from their frowns that he had gotten his point across, he quickly tucked the piece of his brainy brother's shell back inside of his belt. Looking at it only made his heart hurt.

"Mikey's right," Raph groaned, hating the sound of his own voice.

The youngest brother's eyes instantly lit up like he was an excited child who had just gotten a long-awaited puppy for his birthday. The new expression that had manifested itself was a far cry from the cheerless, deplorable look that had elongated Mikey's face just a few seconds before. It was quite an amazing transformation, to say the least, but not an unexpected one. Raph had known as soon as he had said the words 'Mikey's right' that his little brother would react this way.

"I'm sorry. What was that?" Mikey asked, cupping his hand behind his ear slit and leaning closer to Raph as though he was suddenly hard of hearing.

"You heard me, nitwit!" A sneer curled one corner of Raph's mouth up as he watched Mikey get all hyper and antsy, like he had to pee or something. The hotheaded turtle couldn't help but to roll his eyes skyward over his baby brother's behavior.

"I know. I know . . . But it's not very often you say I'm right. I just really, really wanted to hear you say the words again. It would mean so much to me, bro." Pressing the palms of his hands together in mock prayer, Mikey's innocent eyes practically begged Raph to fulfill his request.

"Can it, knucklehead. I'm not saying it again." The words had come out in a hissed growl and while Raph had spoken them, he had kept his jaw locked shut in order to keep his voice down to a minimal level so as not to be detected by anyone who may have been inside of the building.

When Mikey didn't take the obvious hint and opened his mouth to repeat his request, Raph gave him an intimidating glare that he normally only reserved to strike fear into the hearts of their enemies.

Mikey grimaced and lowered his head partway inside of his shell.

"Knock it off, you two," Leo interjected, both amazed and annoyed at how easily his brothers could get so distracted. Just a few moments ago, they were all gung-ho about rescuing their missing sibling, and now, _this_? In a matter of seconds, they had completely forgotten why they were there and they didn't even seem to be aware that Leo was still standing right next to them. They were too caught up in their bantering to notice him.

The blue-masked ninja cringed when he realized that this was probably how Donnie felt when he was subjected to listening to his two older brothers constantly quarrelling. It felt like being –

 _Invisible . . ._

 _Oh,_ _Donnie . . . I'm so sorry for everything . . ._ Leo thought with the heaviest of hearts, but he refused to allow himself to be crushed underneath the tremendous weight of his guilt. He once again had to tell himself that his brothers were in need of his discipline and guidance. Donnie's life depended on his ability to control the situation.

A wise old rat had once told Leonardo that one of the best qualities of a strong and true leader is knowing when to make decisions and when to act upon them. In his mind, the oldest turtle had already made his decision, but he was not as confident in this decision as he would have liked. He was, however, confident that now was definitely the time to act upon it. He would not put his genius brother at further risk because of his uncertainty. Leo had already failed him enough as it was . . .

"Donnie needs us to work together as a team. Now, let's go in there and get our brother back." The leader did not let his voice falter in the slightest as he took charge of the situation and reminded his brothers of the task at hand. The importance of the mission was painfully clear to all of them. They loved their brother and the three of them would stop at nothing to save him.

"Now that's more like it. So what entrance are we using?" Raph asked, now willingly offering his full support. He could see the resolute glint in his older brother's eyes, and even as stubborn as the hotheaded turtle was, he knew better than to question Leonardo when he got that glint.

"We're going in through the front door." Without even bothering to wait and see how his brothers would respond to his order, Leo unsheathed his katanas with a whoosh sound that signaled it was go time.

"All right! We're right behind you, bro. Let's do this," Mikey chimed in, grabbing his nunchuks from his belt and twirling them about if only just to release some of his nervous energy.

Narrowing his eyes to show his determination, Leo nodded at his brothers. While the leader in blue didn't much like the idea of just strolling straight into the warehouse, he had to admit, there was some merit to the plan. At least that way, they could see right off the bat what they were walking into.

Slipping into stealth mode, the three ninjas silently made their way to the front of the warehouse, using the darkness to hide their movements. The whites of their eyes were the only things that could be seen as they cautiously crept towards the entrance of the building.

At one point, the front door of the warehouse appeared to have been deep red in color, but now, there were only a few visible flecks of crimson paint still obstinately clinging to the rusted metal surface. Time had clearly taken its toll on the door and Leo could see that it was only being held up by one corroded hinge at this point. The door was hanging rather cockeyed and didn't operate as originally intended. The turtle in blue had to practically lift the door up off of the lone hinge in order to force it open far enough for them to slip through. It was not a silent procedure by any means and it drew far more attention to their arrival than Leo had hoped to attract. It certainly was not the undetectable, ninja-like entrance that he had foreseen in his head. Granted, it wasn't quite a bumbling, Three Stooges-type of entrance, but much to the perfectionist turtle's dissatisfaction, it had been closer to that clumsy-end of the spectrum than it had been to the much-preferred ninja-end of the scale.

Trying to push the mediocre entrance out of his mind and not let it discourage him into second-guessing himself, as he tended to do in the face of setbacks, Leo crept inside of the building with Raph on his tail and Mikey bringing up the rear. All three turtles' weapons were drawn and ready.

The first thing that Leo noticed upon setting foot inside of the warehouse was the stench of mold and decay as well as the sickening smell that something had recently been burnt. The oldest turtle did his best to disregard the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach as the potent charred scent lingering in the warehouse air permeated his nostrils. He knew from past experiences what burnt flesh smelled like and the familiar odor made breathing a lot more challenging. He was trying rather unsuccessfully to convince himself that his olfactory senses were mistaken and that _that_ wasn't what he was smelling.

Squinting to fine-tune his night vision, Leo concentrated on his sense of sight instead of his sense of smell, which was already working to unnerve him.

Although Leonardo had initially worried that the darkness would swallow the inside of the building whole, there was surprisingly enough faint light illuminating through the broken windows and skylights of the warehouse for him to make out most of the surroundings without the aid of a flashlight. The ten-foot high catwalks that stretched along the lengths of the two side walls of the warehouse were mostly obscured in shadows as were sizeable portions of the walls beneath the narrow, elevated walkways, but the middle, open part of the warehouse was reasonably easy to see, drenched in the soft glow of moonlight.

Once his eyes fully adjusted to the lighting inside of the building, Leo quickly scanned the structure for any immediate signs of movement, danger, or his missing brother.

What he saw made his whole body go rigid and he stopped his forward momentum, suddenly overcome by a rapid onset of temporary paralysis. Even his lungs quit cooperating. All he could do was just stand there, breathlessly staring straight ahead. His limbs and internal organs refused to respond to any of his commands. It was like every part of him had just simultaneously quit functioning.

Raph then came up beside Leo and he, too, ceased all movement. The air was sucked right out of him and every muscle in his body stiffened as he was inundated by a combination of fear and indescribable rage. His green eyes widened in horror when his gaze landed upon the same thing that had frozen his older brother in his tracks. The temperamental turtle's hands began to tremble uncontrollably, even as he tightened his grip on his sais.

From behind them, they heard Mikey try and fail to stifle a gasp. The youngest turtle then cowered behind the shelter of his big brothers' shells, too afraid to look at what was before them.

Upon hearing Mikey's choked off gasp, Leo forced himself to somehow find his center again, knowing how critical it was that he stay focused. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and drew in a deep, purifying breath. After only a few seconds, he regained his ability to move again.

Unfortunately, so did Raph.

Without any regard for his own safety, Raphael immediately made a mad dash for the thin form that he could see dangling from the shadows towards the back of the cavernous space. Always the most irrational one, the turtle in red ran like a lightening bolt right down the middle of the warehouse, making no attempt to conceal his movements from any looming enemies. He had not concerned himself with the possibility that they could have been walking – or in Raph's case running - straight into a trap. For all they knew, they could have been surrounded by dozens of enemies, but Raph didn't care.

 _If he somehow manages to live through this whole ordeal, I'm gonna kill him as soon as we get home_ , Leo thought while he glowered at his red-clad brother.

"Leo!" Raph then yelled with a startling amount of terror lacing his voice.

The frustration that the oldest brother had just been feeling over Raph's reckless behavior instantly faded away, making way for the overwhelming sense of panic slowly starting to consume him.

 _Raph never yells like that,_ Leo thought, unable to rein in his growing horror. The leader shuddered to think what could have possibly gotten his thick-skinned brother that rattled.

 _Unless –_

 _Oh, no! No, no, no . . ._

Then, Leo heard Raph let out a thunderous roar that echoed throughout the warehouse and seemed to shake the entire building in its wake.

Leonardo's heart began to beat wildly inside of his chest as he watched Raph's head and shoulders drop down in obvious despair.

 _No! Please! No!_

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes:**_ ** _/(O.O)\_**

 ** _Yes, it's another cliffhanger ending. Please don't get mad or yell at me again. *winks*_** _ **This chapter was originally way too long, so I had to split it into two parts and there just happened to be a perfect cliffhanger towards the middle of it. Sorry . . . ;)**_

 _ **I really hope that you liked this chapter. As always, if you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please continue to favorite, follow, and review. I would LOVE to know if you like my story. Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	14. Chapter 14 - Too Much to Bear

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 14 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and this one is a bit of a roller coaster ride. O.O**_

 _ **Thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to read, 'favorite,' follow, and review 'LITF.' Your kindness and support really does mean the world to me. It's so nice to know that people are enjoying my story.**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review this story if you like it. I would love the feedback. Thank you for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 14 – Too Much to Bear**

Uncharacteristically throwing caution to the wind, Leonardo sprinted towards the chained figure dangling in the back of the warehouse, unable to remove his eyes from the gruesome scene that he was rapidly approaching. He felt his blood run cold as he skidded to a halt not far from where his red-banded brother stood petrified. Rough and tough Raph was at a complete loss as to what to do, too afraid to take another step. He just helplessly stared straight ahead, tears brimming in his eyes while his entire body shook with both uninhibited rage and anguish.

"Donnie." The word had come out of Leo's mouth in a tremulous whisper. The immense sorrow that he was feeling as he exhaled his brother's name was woefully obvious.

It was all too much to take in.

Their genius brother was hanging motionlessly from heavy chains strung up to the rafters of the ceiling. His head was lolled forward against his bloodied plastron. If not for the audible hitch in Donnie's ghastly breathing, Leo would have sworn that his brother was dead. Other than the shallow rise and fall of his chest, Donatello was completely lifeless, drooping limply from the shackles suspending him a foot or so above the floor.

Leonardo nearly retched at the sight of his brother's heinous injuries and it took every fiber of his being to stop himself from throwing his arms around Donnie and breaking down right there and then. The leader felt like his legs were about to give out from underneath him, but he somehow found the strength needed to remain standing and reasonably level-headed, although he had no idea where this resilience had come from. He was just thankful that it was there when he needed it the most. It was vital that he keep himself calm and collected for his grievously injured brother's sake, because his other brothers were already falling apart. Raph seemed to be in some kind of a trance or coma and Leo could hear Mikey whimpering and blubbering behind him. This told the oldest turtle that he was the only one of them still somewhat rational, and even that could have been called into question at this point.

Swallowing a sharp intake of breath, Leo forced himself to ignore the fact that his composure was currently hanging on by a wing and a prayer. He had to stay strong for Donnie. If he didn't, they would surely lose him. The oldest brother then remembered the words that his father had spoken to him not long after the awful fight that had led to all of this . . .

 _"Leonardo, as leader, you cannot let your emotions control you. You have accepted the responsibility of leading your brothers, and with that responsibility, comes a great deal of obligation and burden. Above all else, you must stay strong and be the beacon that navigates your brothers to safety. They need you to keep balance at all times and it is critical that you remain calm and steady when faced with danger and hardship. If you cannot keep your feelings in check, you will not be able to protect your brothers."_

The words rang painfully true and provided Leonardo with the inspiration that he needed to keep going. Now was not the time to fall apart. Now was the time to be that beacon.

Despite his inner turmoil, Leonardo managed to keep his outward appearance eerily calm as he took charge of the situation, exuding the confidence that they had come to expect from him.

"Raph, find something to stand on so we can get him down."

When his hotheaded brother failed to immediately follow his command, Leo barked out Raph's name, hoping to snap him out of whatever stupor he was in. Several long moments passed before Raph was able to fully register what Leo had said. The red-masked turtle then nodded his head in understanding and started searching for anything that would be sturdy enough to use as a makeshift step stool.

"Mikey . . . " Leo's tone noticeably softened as he addressed his youngest sibling. He peered over his shoulder at his baby brother, who was trying bravely to hold back his sobs while he awaited his oldest brother's instructions. "I need you to get the first aid kit out of Donnie's duffle bag."

Nodding his head in understanding just like Raph had, Mikey quickly started to dig around inside of the duffle bag that he had been lugging around on his back. A few sniffling noises could still be heard as he rummaged through the bag's contents.

Leo was about to start assessing Donnie's wounds when Raph rolled a metal barrel towards them. The two oldest brothers exchanged brief glances before tipping the barrel upright and sliding it forward so that it was standing in front of their injured brother.

Peering up at the thick, iron chains suspending Donatello, Leo decided against trying to slice through them with his katana blades. With the terrible condition that his brother was in, the leader in blue felt that it would be best to lower Donnie down as gently as possible. Leo sheathed his katanas and climbed up onto the lid of the barrel, keeping his fingers crossed that the corroded container was still solid enough to sustain him. Once he was on top of the barrel, he motioned for Raph to hand him a sai. Without a moment's hesitation, the red-banded turtle gave his older brother one of his pronged daggers, and then, moved towards Donnie, readying himself to support his unconscious brother's weight once Leo freed him from the chains.

"Be careful of his leg, Raph. I think it may be broken," Leo cautioned while he began to use the longest point of his brother's weapon to work on picking the locks that were holding their genius brother up.

The temperamental turtle took one look at Donnie's leg and unleashed a torrent of profanity the likes of which made Mikey's eyes almost triple in size.

Though Leo did not approve of his short-fused brother's vulgar language, the oldest turtle completely understood the sentiment behind it. He, too, was having a tough time holding back his anger. He fiercely tightened his grasp around the tsuka of Raph's sai as he stared at the deep gashes and raw red marks around his brainy brother's wrists. Donnie's hands and arms were bleeding near the shackles, where the unforgiving metal had torn open his flesh. It made Leo's own skin crawl. Then, he noticed the visible bumps and contusions on the back of his younger brother's scalp. It looked as though someone had repeatedly banged Donatello's head against something. This instantly turned Leo's anger into panic, for he knew that his younger brother was already battling with two previous concussions. What if this additional trauma to his brother's brain had caused permanent damage? What if this –

Leo shook his head from side to side, refusing to allow himself to complete the rest of his morbid thought. He knew that he needed to concentrate on helping Donnie, but the more that he glimpsed down at his injured brother, the more distracted he became by the appalling condition that his quietest sibling was in. As the leader in blue looked at the countless wounds marring his second youngest brother's body, his hands started to shake even worse than they already were, which was definitely not going to help the situation any. He wouldn't be able to pick the locks if he couldn't calm down.

Keeping his eyes fixed on the manacles around Donnie's wrists rather than on Donnie himself, Leonardo drew in a deep breath in an attempt to steady himself.

 _Focus, Leonardo. One crisis at a time . . ._

Still using the tip of his hotheaded brother's sai as a lock pick, Leo was soon able to remove the first shackle, even with his hands shaking like a leaf. After looking down to make sure that Raph had a good hold on their unresponsive brother, the blue-masked turtle moved onto the next shackle and started to fiddle with the lock, waiting for the telltale click.

When the second manacle opened, Leo quickly wrapped his arms around Donnie's upper body in a soft but unyielding grip, almost greedily pulling his brother's flaccid form against him. Though Leo did not doubt his immediate younger brother's strength or ability to hold Donnie up, the oldest turtle still felt an irresistible need to help Raphael support their unconscious brother's weight. Perhaps a part of Leo was afraid that if he let Donatello go at this point, he might lose him . . .

When the youngest turtle saw that Donnie was now free from the chains, he instantly jumped up to help Raph so that his oldest brother could get down from the barrel that he was still standing on.

"We got him, Leo," Mikey said as he moved beside his hurt brother and carefully took a hold of him. When Leo hesitated to relinquish his grasp, the youngest turtle gave his blue-banded brother a look that promised he would take real good care of Donnie.

There was still reluctance in Leo's eyes, but he released his grip on his genius brother and watched with bated breath as Mikey and Raph cautiously lowered Donnie down to the ground.

The uninjured turtles then knelt down beside their fallen brother and three pairs of eyes shimmered with tears. Now that Donnie was in a horizontal position, his brothers were finally able to get a good view of the extent of his injuries and the horrendous sight was far more than they could bear. Mikey let out a strangled sounding sob while Leo and Raph fought tooth and nail to keep their emotions in check.

"Donnie . . . " The word got caught in Leo's throat and came out as nothing more than a ragged murmur. He leaned over Donatello's abused body and began to lightly tap the cheek that appeared to be less beaten. The injuries to his genius brother's face alone were enough to make acid rise up from Leonardo's knotted stomach, but he gulped the bitter liquid back down.

Donnie's one eye was almost swollen shut, hideously blackened and purpled. There was a nasty cut underneath the puffed-up eye and several more along his jawline and neck. His mouth and beak still showed some redness and swelling where Leo had struck him earlier in the evening, but they paled in comparison to the injury to his eye, not that that brought Leo even the slightest bit of comfort.

"Open your eyes, Donnie. Please," Leonardo pleaded with a cracking voice as he delicately traced his fingers down the less injured side of his brother's face. The oldest turtle stopped his hand's downward momentum when it reached the bruise that he had made, and then, ever so softly circled the damaged skin with his fingertips. The remorse and self-loathing that Leo was feeling inside was beyond measure.

Donnie remained unresponsive to Leonardo's touch, seemingly oblivious to all three of his brothers' presence. This was something that hadn't gone unobserved by his siblings. They were well aware of how badly hurt their genius brother was and the fact that he had not moved even an inch since they had found him made them all feel as though their insides were being ripped apart.

"Who did this to you, Donnie?" Leo sighed while he started to examine the worst of his brother's injuries.

There were five meaty gouges on each side of Donnie's chest where it looked as though something had dug its claws deep into his plastron and penetrated the soft tissue below his scutes. Blood was slowly seeping from the ten nasty-looking holes.

Then, there was his leg. Guessing by the unnatural angle that it had been dangling at, it was badly broken. His lower leg was severely bruised and swollen and it looked as if the skin was slightly tented. Leo reached down and carefully moved the leg so that the bone causing the tenting didn't break through the skin, knowing that a compound fracture would increase the risk of infection. He grimaced as he shifted the leg, just hoping that Donnie couldn't feel it. Leo couldn't stand the thought of his wounded brother suddenly waking up screaming because he had aggravated his leg injury. On the other hand, it scared the oldest turtle half to death that Donnie was not responding to the pain at all. His leg was visibly broken. He should have shown some kind of reaction to Leo repositioning it, but he hadn't even twitched a muscle.

Resting a shaky hand on Donnie's lower plastron, Leo tried to steady himself again as his gaze fell upon his little brother's upper arm.

As bad as Donatello's fractured leg was, it was nowhere near as bad as the injury to his shoulder. Just above the slice from Raph's sai, there was a grotesque stab wound, presumably made by Donnie's bloodied naginata blade that had been left behind at the junkyard for them to find. Upon further inspection of the grave injury, Leo discovered that the weapon had gone straight through, piercing a hole in Donnie's carapace. It looked like someone had tried to cauterize the wound on both sides, hence the burnt flesh smell that Leo had detected upon entering the warehouse, but the cauterization procedure had not stopped the bleeding. Well, maybe it had at one point, but the wound was presently torn wide open. That was most likely because whoever or whatever had done all of this to Donnie had heartlessly strung him up by his arms, forcing them to support all of his weight, thus further injuring him. The blood was flowing freely from the gaping hole in his shoulder. So much so that it had formed a significant puddle of blood on the ground below where Donnie had been hanging and it was already starting to pool beneath the spot that they had laid him down.

Seeing the many wounds covering Donnie's body was absolutely devastating, but that wasn't the only thing that mortified Leo. Every breath that his purple-clad brother took sounded as if it was a grueling struggle just to take in air, which made Leo's own breathing difficult. The oldest turtle nervously cupped a hand over his genius brother's forehead that was beaded with sweat. Just as the leader had suspected, the skin was blistering hot to the touch despite the frigid temperatures of the night. As if the surplus of injuries weren't bad enough, his brother was raging with fever.

"He's burning up," Leo gasped just a little louder than the wheezing sound of his injured brother's labored breathing.

"Wh – What do we do, Leo?" There was an innocent, childlike expression on Mikey's face as he had posed the question that made Leonardo's heart wrench and the leader had to pause for breath before answering.

"Mikey, can you try to find something to splint Donnie's leg while Raph and I treat his shoulder?" The oldest turtle asked gently, purposely giving his little brother a job that required him to leave their genius brother's side. It was the only way that Leonardo could think of to protect Mikey from being further traumatized by what had happened to Donnie other than asking him to actually leave the warehouse. Knowing that his orange-masked brother had always been the most emotional out of all of them, Leo was growing more and more concerned about his baby brother's well-being. Even in the darkness of the warehouse, the leader could see how very pale his youngest brother had gone. He had also not failed to notice that his normally highly talkative and rambunctious sibling was unusually quiet and still as he stared down at Donnie's unconscious form. That was because Mikey was far too vulnerable to handle seeing injuries of this severity. In all actuality, Leo was shocked that his oftentimes over-sensitive brother hadn't totally lost it yet, since he himself was struggling to keep it together.

When Leo looked over at Mikey, his little brother vigorously nodded his head up and down in acceptance of the task just given to him. Although a part of the youngest turtle didn't want to leave Donnie's side for even a second, there was another part of him that wasn't sure just how much longer he could take seeing his closest brother in such awful shape. At least, not without having an epic meltdown . . . When Leo gave him the perfect excuse to walk away for a moment, Mikey was thankful for the chance to take a little breather.

"Don't worry, D. We're gonna patch you up good as new." While he patted one of the few uninjured portions of his big brother's plastron, Mikey curved his mouth up into a small smile, but the smile soon turned back down into the frown that better suited his mood.

Just as the youngest brother was about to stand up to commence his search, the sound of something moving on the catwalks above them could be heard. The three conscious turtles' heads instantaneously snapped up to see something prowling along the elevated metal walkways.

Something big . . .

Really, _really_ big . . .

Hovering over Donnie protectively, Raph gaped up at the towering figure that had just risen from the depths of the shadows concealing the walkways overhead. The turtle in red blinked his eyes over and over again, hoping that they were deceiving him.

No such luck. What he saw remained the same no matter how many times he batted his eyelids together.

"Sweet mother of mutation," Raph gasped out, still staring up at the creature in disbelief. "Uh, does everyone else see a giant bear wearing cutoff jeans?" It felt a little awkward posing such a ridiculous-sounding question, but Raph really had to know if he was going out of his shell.

"Yeah, we see it, too." There was a hint of frustration in Leonardo's response. He, too, had been suspicious of his vision and had been trying to convince himself that the darkness and the stress were making him see things that didn't exist.

Again, no such luck.

Without taking their eyes off of the large beast above them, the three uninjured brothers instinctively reached for their weapons as they rose to their feet, taking a defensive stance in front of Donnie.

The daunting creature climbed up and over the railing of the catwalk, and then, jumped down to the floor below, making a resounding thud upon impact, but the ten-foot drop to the cement didn't appear to affect the creature in the least. Once he stuck the landing perfectly, the furry beast reared up on its titanic hind legs and let out a deafening roar that rattled the entire building. The shock wave produced by the thunderous sound made the brothers wonder if the rickety structure was going to come collapsing down on top of them.

Mikey backed away, whimpering slightly, seeing that the creature was now only about thirty feet in front of them and closing.

"Oh man, this is gonna scar me for life!" The youngest turtle's flickering blue eyes went wide with fear as he promptly shrunk behind his hotheaded brother's carapace.

"Not if you don't get hit by it. Just don't get anywhere near those claws and you'll be okay," Leo advised in a calm, soothing voice, trying to settle down his clearly worked up baby brother. Out of the corner of his eye, Leo could see that Raph was worked up as well, but not by fear like Mikey had been. Instead, Raph was teeming with fury and his temper was about to explode into a mushroom cloud of rage. Leonardo then glanced down at his second youngest brother's chest and felt reasonably confident in assuming that this creep was the one responsible for the ugly claw marks on Donnie's battered plastron. This assumption certainly did not endear the oldest turtle to the massive bear standing before them. All of a sudden, Leo had a newfound appreciation for Raph's hostile disposition.

In the meantime, Mikey was starting to freak out.

"Dude, that's not the kind of scar I was talking about! What I meant is that this is totally gonna give me nightmares for the rest of my life! I don't know how I'm ever gonna be able to sleep with my teddy bear again!" As Mikey practically shrieked out the words, he pressed his hands against the sides of his face in distress while his eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, as if someone had just informed him that the end of the world was upon them. It was the same look that he had gotten when his brothers had told him that Harry Potter wasn't real.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Raph grunted snidely over his shoulder.

Mikey gazed up at Raph, slack-jawed with incredulity.

"Yeah, it's a bad thing, bro! It's only like the worst thing that's ever happened!" Mikey wailed, but an infuriated glare from Raph made him rethink and regret his statement. "Well, other than Donnie getting hurt really, really bad. That . . . that's probably way worse." Guilt washed over Mikey's features as he looked down at his still out cold brother.

Raphael shook his head in disgust several times before turning his attention forward once again, seeing no point in wasting any more of his pent-up anger on his baby brother. Not when the creature standing in front of them was most likely the one who had hurt Donnie.

"Are you the monster who did this to my brother?" Arrogantly twirling his sais in a blatant intimidation tactic, Raph positioned himself into a fighting stance, just itching to launch an attack. The storm that he had been caging up inside of him was about to come raining down. His body tensed and he narrowed his hate-filled green eyes on the enormous bear. If looks could kill, the hairy beast would have instantly burst into flames and been reduced to a pile of ashes.

"Turtle fought back." The creature's low, ominous voice sent shivers up and down the three turtles' spines. It sounded like something straight from a horror movie.

Out of both apprehension and resentment, Raph and Leo tightened their grips on their weapons. Mikey just stood there dumbfounded, scratching the back of his head.

"It . . . it can t - talk," Mikey stammered, clearly confused.

"Of course it can talk, you idiot! It's probably one of Shredder's mutants!" Raph seethed, annoyed by his youngest brother's lack of common sense. Sometimes he wondered how Mikey remembered to breathe.

Hearing an audible sigh from behind him, Raph glanced back at his little brother just long enough to see a look of utter disappointment fall upon his face.

"Don't tell me you actually thought it was a real bear!"

Mikey hesitated for a second or two before spitting out an unconvincing, "No."

Tensing up even more than he already was, Raph did a mental facepalm rather than slapping Mikey in the side of the head like he so wanted to. He then turned and scowled at his baby brother.

"Mikey! It's wearing shorts!" To emphasize his point, the temperamental turtle cast his arm in the general direction of where the half-clothed mutant bear was standing, not even bothering to look at the enemy as he gestured at him. The red-clad turtle's eyes remained locked on Mikey. If Raph would have taken the time to look at his adversary, like he should have, he would have seen that the mutated grizzly was still edging closer to them and he looked to be getting exceedingly impatient with their antics.

Grizzgore wasn't the only one whose patience was unraveling.

"Uh, guys . . . " The oldest brother muttered and now it was his turn to flick a hand towards the creature. "Giant, angry, mutant bear? Remember?" There were no words to describe the irritation that Leonardo was feeling over his brothers' inability to see the seriousness of the situation. The leader in blue actually considered apologizing to their enemy for his two brothers' moronic behavior, and he might have, if not for the atrocious things that the monster had done to Donnie.

The mutated bear suddenly let loose another ear-splitting roar that made him the center of attention once again. The beast took several substantial steps forward, closing the gap between them to within about twenty feet. The bear's nostrils flared and he bore his huge mouthful of sharp teeth. He then started to repeatedly grunt deep in his throat, which they assumed was a sign that he was to preparing to strike, like a bull readying to charge.

Although he really didn't want to, Leo had no choice but to move Donnie. Even though he had read that a person should play dead or remain as still as possible when confronted by a bear, Leo was pretty sure that that theory didn't apply here. Either way, he wasn't about to leave his injured brother lying there on the floor to be potentially trampled or mauled to death by the gargantuan mutant. Trying to be as careful of his brother's injuries as possible, Leo partially lifted Donnie up. He then bent down and slung Donnie's body over one shoulder. The genius turtle's arms were draped limply over Leo's carapace and his broken leg dangled at a disturbing angle against Leo's plastron, right where the leader could see it.

The sight of the fractured limb triggered a sharp, stabbing pain in Leo's chest.

"Sorry, Donnie."

With his wounded brother now in tow, Leonardo moved into formation behind Raph and Mikey, who were ready to do everything they could to protect their oldest brother from any incoming attacks. Leo's reaction time would be significantly slowed by Donnie's weight and his ability to wield his swords would be greatly impaired.

"We got this, Leo. You take care of Donnie. Raph and I will take care of Shreddy Bear here," Mikey declared, spinning his nunchuks a few times just for show.

For a moment, both Raph and Leo stared at Mikey in astonishment.

"Did you seriously just call that _thing_ Shreddy Bear?" Raph hissed.

"Well, I was thinking Bear Claw, but then, I was like, no, 'cause that was way too close to Tiger Claw, so then, I thought Teddy kind of sounds like Shred – "

"Stop! Just stop! We got it!" Raph held up a hand to stop his baby brother from rambling on anymore. He didn't have the time or the tolerance to hear Mikey's long-drawn-out explanation for arguably the stupidest name ever.

"Grizzgore kill turtle's brothers," the mutant bear rasped brusquely, staring at them with hollow eyes.

"Grizzgore?" Mikey scrunched up his face like he had just eaten something incredibly sour. Apparently, having heard the actual name of the mutant had left a bad taste in his mouth.

"At this point, I don't give a shell what anybody calls it, because all I see is dead meat! I'm gonna make you pay for what you did to my brother!" Raph shouted with blind rage, pointing a sai at the enemy, just trying to egg the big bear on to fight.

Grizzgore growled in response to Raph's threat, dropping down to all fours and pinning his ears back. The mutant bear then lowered its shoulders and charged, snarling insanely as it rushed at them. A three against one fight obviously didn't deter him from attacking.

The turtles deftly scrambled out of the way of the oversized bear's incoming assault. As Grizzgore skidded to a halt and spun around to launch another attack, Raph swiftly took advantage of the overhead chains that had been used to restrain Donnie. He leapt up and grabbed hold of them, using them to swing feet-first into Grizzgore's chest and knock the bear down to the ground.

With the bear temporarily floored, Leo seized the opportunity to use a few well-placed barrels to scale up to the catwalk where he gently laid his unconscious brother down onto the metal walkway. The oldest turtle figured that his genius brother would be safe from the fight if he was up above it. Donnie let out a low moan in protest over all of the movement and Leo's heart nearly jumped out of his chest. The sound of his brother's voice, even if it was just a moan of pain, was music to his ears. He couldn't stop a smile of relief from spreading across the entire width of his face.

"It's okay, Donnie. We're gonna get you out of here," Leonardo said softly, placing a hand on Donnie's forehead and petting him affectionately for a moment. He just hoped that his little brother could hear him as he added, "I have to go help Raph and Mikey for a little while, but I'll be back soon. I promise."

Donnie was still again, which made Leo feel slightly better about leaving his injured brother unattended on an elevated platform. The less that his brother moved, the less likely that he would inadvertently roll off of the walkway and break something else.

"I'm so sorry, Donnie. I'm so sorry for everything," Leo whispered before leaving his brother's side to rejoin the fight.

What the turtle in blue didn't know was that there was another mutant lingering in the shadows, still veiled from their view, and Leo had just played right into his plan.

* * *

Mikey let out a high-pitched squeal as he managed to narrowly avoid getting slashed across the abdomen by the mutant grizzly's razor-sharp claws, proving once again that he was the fastest of the turtles. Mikey then agilely fled out of Grizzgore's range to regroup while the bear prepared to take another charge at them.

The fight had been going on for a good ten minutes now and the youngest brother was happy for the moment to catch his breath.

Shaking off the shock of nearly being gutted for the fourth time that night, Mikey looked over at his brothers and exclaimed, "I'm okay, dudes! But that one 'bearly' missed me. Get it?"

Ignoring his baby brother's juvenile comment, Raph instead focused his concentration on the livid bear trying to mangle them. The grizzly had already gotten one decent hit in when he had grazed his claws over the left side of the hotheaded turtle's chest. Luckily, the tough scutes of Raphael's plastron had served their purpose and the wound wasn't all that deep. The second oldest brother glanced over at the marks on his chest and saw that they were hardly even bleeding. Unfortunately, taking his eyes off of the enemy for even a brief moment was not a good move.

"Raph, look out!" Leo howled from the other side of the warehouse.

The mutant bear had his sights set on the red-clad turtle again and stampeded towards him. Raph turned at the last minute to take a shoulder to the carapace. The crack to the shell knocked him flat on his plastron, dazing him for a few seconds, but he regained his senses just in time to roll out of the way of a bone-crushing stomp from one of Grizzgore's back paws.

Putting his finely honed ninja skills to work, Raphael positioned himself into a low squat, and then, swept out his leg in an attempt to knock the bigger mutant's feet out from underneath him. Unfortunately, Grizzgore was nimble enough to catch his fall before he went completely down to the ground. Within seconds, he was upright once again, but in that short period of time, the turtle in red had sprung to his feet and already backed out of the bear's attack zone.

"That was a little too close for comfort," Raph groaned, gingerly rubbing a hand over his aching plastron. He was definitely going to feel that one in the morning.

"Yeah, that's 'fur' sure. After getting your shell waxed like that, you're gonna need some time to get your 'bearings' back." The teasing remarks from the youngest turtle immediately earned him a death glare from his ill-tempered older brother.

"Mikey, so help me, if I hear one more bad bear pun out of you, I'm gonna – " Raph started, but the turtle who referred to himself as 'Dr. Prankenstein' just couldn't resist the urge and he cut his brother off with yet another unwelcome wisecrack.

"Strangle me with your 'bear' hands?" Mikey doubled over in laughter at the funny that he had just made, foolishly letting his guard down in the process.

Grizzgore was quick to capitalize on the convenient distraction. He lunged towards the smallest turtle and slammed a powerful front paw into the terrapin's chest. The orange-clad ninja let out a yelp as he was flung haplessly into a concrete wall. Surprisingly, the decrepit wall stood up to the fierce collision. Mikey, however, did not. He collapsed into a motionless heap right below the spot that he had been hurtled into, just underneath the catwalk along the wall opposite of where Donnie was lying.

"Mikey!" Leo hollered, instantly flying to his youngest brother's side and kneeling down beside him.

"Mikey!" Erupted from a now very irate Raph. The furious turtle dashed over to Mikey and Leo and planted himself in front of his brothers. He kept his sais at ready while he sneered at Grizzgore, nonverbally daring him to make a move. If the bear wanted to go after his brothers, he would have to go through Hamato Raphael first.

For the time being, the grizzly kept his distance, but his dark, feral eyes stayed glued on Raph the whole time.

Holding his breath for a moment, Leo carefully rolled Mikey over onto his back, terrified of what he would see. Much to the oldest turtle's relief, the only visible injury on his youngest brother was a big, red welt in the middle of his upper plastron. Thankfully, Grizzgore had not gotten him with his claws. Leonardo reached down and grabbed Mikey's wrist, checking his pulse and found that it was strong. The orange-banded turtle's eyelids then began to flutter and he started to moan while looked up at Leo with a baffled expression.

"He's okay, Raph," Leo said with obvious celebration in his voice. He continued to check his brother over, but from what he could tell, Mikey was relatively unharmed. He had just gotten his shell rung.

With that said, Raph finally went out of his skull. He released an earth-quaking roar and barreled straight into the mutant grizzly, weapons first, knocking the bear down to the ground with a heavy thump. A sai was driven deep into each of Grizzgore's shoulders and the bear let out a painful wail.

"You hurt my little brothers! No one hurts my little brothers!" Raph screamed in a voice that was far more psychotic and demonic than Leo had ever heard from his hotheaded brother. No, it was not unusual for Raph to yell or lose control of his temper, both at home and in battle. He was on the warpath far more than he was off of it, but _this_ . . . This was light years beyond one of Raph's normal blown gasket episodes. The turtle in red had gone completely berserk, and frankly, it scared the heck out of Leo. He looked over at his most volatile brother and shuddered at his crazed behavior. As Raph relentlessly pounded his fists into the much larger mutant below him, the oldest turtle could see the incensed fire blazing in his angry brother's eyes. With every vicious blow that Raph delivered, Leo could hear the hatred pouring out of his brother in the form of guttural grunts and growls. It was as if his immediate younger brother was possessed by pure vengeance.

There was a side of Leonardo that felt obligated to stop the savagery his brother was dishing out, but there was another side of him that could not forget what had detonated this violent outburst to begin with. The mental image of his brutally beaten shy and docile little brother reminded Leo that Grizzgore hadn't shown Donnie an ounce of mercy, not even when he was already injured and weakened by illness.

With a heavy heart, Leonardo looked over at the platform on the other side of the warehouse where he had placed Donatello.

Suddenly, the oldest turtle was filled with unspeakable dread.

"D – Donnie?" Leo choked out as he pushed himself up to his feet and stared at the catwalk directly across from them.

The _empty_ catwalk directly across from them . . .

This time, Leo did not choke on his words and there was no mistaking the panic in his normally calm voice as he cried out, "Where's Donnie?"

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Oh no! Donnie's gone! Will the brothers be able to find him before it's too late? /(*.*)\**_

 _ **I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you so much for reading. If you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please take the time to favorite, follow, and review the story. I would really appreciate the feedback and it's always nice to know if people are still reading. I just hope that everyone isn't getting bored with me . . . Thanks, again. :} CJ**_


	15. Chapter 15 - A Shocking End

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 15 of 'Lost in the Fight' and get ready for another cliffhanger . . . It's a big one.**_

 _ **Thank you to those who have read, 'favorited,' followed, and reviewed this story. I am extremely grateful for all of your feedback and support. =}**_

 _ **Once again, please take a moment to favorite/follow/review 'Lost in the Fight' as well as my other stories if you like them. The feedback is much-appreciated. Thank you for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 15 – A Shocking End**

The plan had gone off without a single hitch. Well, maybe having to leave his partner for dead would be considered a slight hitch in the plan, but in all honesty, Tiger Claw had never really much liked the mutated bear anyway. He rued the day that Master Shredder had assigned him to work with that mindless beast. From the moment of the grizzly's mutation a few weeks before, Grizzgore had given Tiger Claw the creeps, always salivating and hungrily staring at him with his beady eyes as though he would make a tasty snack. Plus, the bear reeked something awful and he was a lousy conversationalist, making every interaction with him painfully awkward. Being paired with him was even worse than having to go on assignments with Rahzar, and that was saying a lot, because Tiger Claw really hated that sorry excuse for a mutant.

As far as Tiger Claw was concerned, Grizzgore was no great loss. All that the mutant feline really cared about at this point was that his mission had been a success. He had captured the brother referred to as Donatello, just as Master Shredder had commanded, and he would deliver the purple-banded turtle as promised. His master would be most pleased to accept his new prisoner. So pleased, he probably wouldn't even bat an eye over the loss of Grizzgore. Especially not when he got his gauntlets on the intellectual mastermind of the Hamato Yoshi clan . . .

The huge tiger's lips coiled into a pompous smirk.

All that now stood between him and completing his objective was an empty rooftop that he was already partway across.

Currently, Tiger Claw had the terrapin's body pinned tightly up against his side with one hulking arm while he used the paw on his opposite arm to muffle the turtle's desperate attempts to alert his brothers of his capture. Despite the smaller mutant's many injuries, he was putting up a respectable fight to break free, but the massive cat was far stronger than him, even on a good day. The more that the turtle struggled to get away, the more that Tiger Claw would just tighten his grip, causing the reptile to whimper in pain. Hearing his victim's pathetic sniveling only made Shredder's striped assassin smirk all the more. He would take immense pleasure in watching Master Shredder make the spindly little turtle suffer.

It wouldn't be long now . . .

Only a short distance to go and they would reach the edge of the roof.

The sound of one of the turtle's brothers screaming below them made Tiger Claw quicken his pace. Fortunately for him, the fight was still raging on inside of the warehouse, which was effectively drowning out any noises that he may have been making as he skulked across the rooftop. It was also drowning out the purple-banded turtle's useless grunting and mumbling.

The mutant Bengal tiger scowled down at his prey, who was still desperately trying to call out for his brothers. The reptile's insistence on making noise had nearly blown the tiger's cover once already back in the warehouse. Tiger Claw had nabbed the purple-clad turtle and fled off with him just in the nick of time, for as soon as the two of them had reached the roof of the building, his captive had regained full consciousness and started squawking and thrashing about. If the larger mutant would have waited another few minutes to make his move, the turtle would have warned his brothers of his presence and Tiger Claw would have never gotten his target out of the building without a confrontation.

Luckily, when the smallest turtle with the biggest mouth had gotten taken down, it had provided just the distraction that Tiger Claw had been waiting for. He couldn't have asked for a better stroke of luck. The scrawniest turtle had just been starting to stir when Grizzgore had cast the annoying little nunchuk-wielding runt into the wall. The other brothers had turned their attention to the orange-masked terrapin just long enough for Tiger Claw to grab their intellectual brother.

The timing had been impeccable.

When his partner had unknowingly created the perfect disruption, Tiger Claw had quickly dragged the semiconscious turtle down the catwalk and up the roof access ladder with minimal effort, and more importantly, without detection. The problem was, now that his hostage was fully awake, he wasn't being all that cooperative, making the mutant tiger's trek across the rooftop much more difficult than he had anticipated. What was going to be even more difficult was going down the fire escape ladder with an unwilling captive. Tiger Claw was half-tempted to knock the turtle back out, but he really wanted his prisoner to be lucid when he handed him over to Master Shredder. That way, his master could do as he pleased to the reptile, but the turtle's incessant resistance was trying the cat's patience and significantly impeding his progress.

Tiger Claw found himself wishing that he would have brought his jetpack along on this mission. It would have made things so much easier . . .

The turtle's increased fidgeting then snapped the enormous cat out of his mental grumbling and further pushed his patience to the limit.

"Unless you would like another jolt from my new shock gun, I suggest you stop your infernal struggling, little cub," Tiger Claw snarled into his captive's ear slit.

Donnie stiffened in the tiger's grasp, remembering all too well how unpleasant the last hit from the modified stun gun had felt. The genius turtle wasn't about to just give up without a fight, but at the same time, if Tiger Claw gave him another zap with his shock gun, Donnie wouldn't be able to put up any kind of a fight at all, nor would he be able to notify his brothers that he had been taken.

It was a regular catch-22 . . .

When Tiger Claw tightened his vice-like grip around him for the umpteenth time, Donnie temporarily stopped flailing about, not just to save his shell from getting shocked, but also, because being squashed like an orange when you had several broken ribs did not feel good at all.

Drawing in a murky breath, and then, letting out a long, sickly-sounding wheeze, the genius turtle attempted to calmly push away the pain. He needed to focus on trying to come up with some kind of a clever escape plan.

Once his breathing was somewhat steady and he was able to finally concentrate on something other than his own agony, Donatello's magnificent brain rapidly went to work.

Taking into account his extremely debilitated physical condition and the detrimental effects of the shock gun, Donnie quickly concluded that he would only have one shot at getting away and/or notifying his brothers of his potential kidnapping. He knew from experience that the shock gun could render him unconscious in a matter of seconds, which meant that his timing would have to be just right or he would get an all-expense paid trip to life in captivity courtesy of the Shredder himself.

Clearly, he needed to wait for a better opportunity to present itself, so he decided to play possum for a while. This would not only give him some time to contemplate, but also, allow him to conserve what little energy he still had left.

"That's a good boy," Tiger Claw goaded when he felt the turtle's body go limp in an obvious act of submission. The malicious cat then used the paw cupped firmly around Donatello's mouth to yank the terrapin's head back so that the weaker mutant was forced to look him in the eye. The tiger could see and feel the turtle gulp nervously and it brought yet another sinister smirk to his face.

Confident that the frightened reptile would cause no further incident, Tiger Claw continued stalking towards his destination. As he reached the steel fire escape ladder at the edge of the warehouse roof, he slowed to a halt. All that he had to do now was get his prisoner down that ladder, and then, he would easily be able to disappear into the night without a trace.

Donnie also saw the fire escape ladder and his uninjured eye grew wide with panic. He knew that if Tiger Claw got him away from the building, there would be no hope of his brothers finding him in time. It wasn't that the genius turtle didn't have faith in his brothers. It was just that Donnie was well aware of the fact that the mutant tiger was a highly-trained assassin and bounty hunter. In other words, Tiger Claw was an expert on how to make himself invisible. If he managed to get them both down to the ground without being discovered, Donnie realized that he would have virtually no chance of being rescued. He would be presented to Shredder, and most likely, inhumanely tortured for however long their mortal enemy saw fit. Then, he would be put on a plane to who knows where. If this happened, his brothers wouldn't be able to save him. His enemies would see to that.

There was no time to wait around for a better opportunity to present itself. This was the only opportunity that he had left. If he didn't get away now, he would never see his family again.

With all of his residual strength, Donnie pushed his good leg, his hands, his elbows – whatever he could – against Tiger Claw's body, writhing around with renewed vigor in an attempt to loosen the mutant cat's grasp on him. Tiger Claw fought to keep the turtle pinned against his body, but in doing so, he inadvertently let up on his hold around Donnie's mouth. The genius turtle immediately took advantage of the tiger's slackened grip and bit down on his paw as hard as he possibly could.

Tiger Claw roared out in pain as Donnie's teeth clamped down. The mutated Bengal tiger instinctively pulled his now-throbbing paw away from the turtle's mouth, giving the purple-masked ninja just the opening that he had been hoping for.

"Guys! Help me! I'm on the roof! Leo, please! Help m – !" The genius brother screamed at the top of his unclear lungs, but his frantic cries for help were soon stifled by the tiger's paw yet again. Only this time, Tiger Claw stopped Donnie from making any additional noise by forcefully clenching his bitten paw around the smaller mutant's throat, which instantly cut off the turtle's supply of oxygen. Donnie was reduced to sickly choking and gasping sounds as he hysterically tried to pry himself free from the stranglehold.

Lifting the turtle up by the neck, Tiger Claw held Donatello out in front of him so that his feet were dangling just above the surface of the roof. He then shook the terrapin like a floppy rag doll in his unforgiving grasp while he grinned at the turtle's pitiful attempts to escape. The tiger watched on with blatant amusement as the smaller mutant's struggles to get away grew weaker and weaker, until there was no fight left in him. The sight and sound of the life being squeezed out of his victim was most gratifying. The turtle's eyes then began to roll around in the back of his head as he neared death from asphyxiation.

Though Tiger Claw wanted nothing more than to kill the allegedly most intelligent brother for all of the trouble that he had caused him, he could not exterminate the boy prematurely. Not before offering him to Master Shredder as promised. The larger mutant loosened his clutches around Donatello's throat and listened to the sound of the turtle wheezing, feebly trying to take in what little air he was suddenly being permitted.

It was at this point that Tiger Claw reached his unoccupied paw towards one of his holsters and pulled out his shock gun. He then held the end of the gun before the turtle once again and twisted his lips into a crooked sneer while he watched the smaller mutant's eyes cross and expand with dawning horror.

"Say goodnight, turtle."

The end of the shock gun started to glow bright blue, just like it had before, and Donnie couldn't stop a whimper of dread as the weapon drew nearer.

Then, there came a loud, commanding voice from behind them.

"Let him go!"

Tiger Claw turned to face the approaching figure and promptly tightened his grip around his prisoner's throat so that the turtle was unable to speak.

"Oh, I'll let him go all right." With that said, Tiger Claw thrust his arm out and held Donatello's flaccid form over the side of the building. "I would not come another step closer if I were you, or we will find out just how hard your brother's shell _really_ is. Do you think he will bounce, or perhaps, crack like an egg?" Tiger Claw snarled coldly, holding Donatello even further out over the edge of the roof.

Leonardo's heart was beating crazily inside of his chest as he watched Tiger Claw suspend his helpless little brother by the throat over the side of the warehouse. The oldest turtle noticed that Donnie wasn't even resisting the mutant tiger's clutches. His genius brother appeared to be completely lifeless, which made Leo's heart pound even harder.

"P – Please! Please, don't hurt him," Leo pleaded, his blue gaze imploring the larger mutant to show mercy.

"I am afraid it is a bit late for that request. As you can plainly see, your brother is already . . . hurt." There was a smug expression on Tiger Claw's face while he uttered the word 'hurt,' as if he found it funny. Then, without warning, he pulled Donnie back towards him and cruelly threw the purple-banded mutant down onto the surface of the roof, right at his back paws.

Upon landing, Donnie's leg buckled underneath him and he screamed out in sheer agony as he reached for his broken limb.

Leonardo was about to lunge to his injured brother's side when Tiger Claw held out his bizarre-looking weapon and moved it so that the end of the device was only inches away from Donnie's head. The giant cat then adjusted one of the various knobs on the weapon and pulled the trigger, which made the tip of the gun turn even bluer than Leonardo's mask.

This was the first time that the oldest turtle had seen one of Shredder's cohorts carry this type of weapon and it was unnerving to see the arcing electricity so frighteningly close to his little brother's head.

"I see you are curious about my new toy. This is Baxter Stockman's latest invention. He informed me that a few prolonged seconds of exposure on the highest setting of this lethal weapon will fry someone's insides. What do you think? Should we test out the maximum setting on your brother here?" As Tiger Claw asked the question, he moved the weapon even closer to Donnie.

"No, please!" Leonardo hated giving his adversary the satisfaction of hearing him practically beg, but he couldn't just stand there and watch the heartless monster kill Donnie before his very eyes. "Please, test it on me instead! Just don't hurt my brother anymore!"

"Oh, how touching." Tiger Claw's voice dripped with sarcasm and he looked as though he was about to gag over the display of brotherly affection. Though their close-knit relationship was admirable, the mutant tiger had always viewed the strong bond between the four turtle brothers to be their greatest weakness. Their closeness and willingness to sacrifice themselves for one another would no doubt be their downfall.

"If you truly wish to save your brother, you would be wise to drop your weapons, turtle." As he made his command, the mutated tiger continued to hug his claw around the trigger of the weapon aimed at Donnie's head.

Holding his hands out in front of him in surrender, Leonardo was about to let go of his katanas when his genius brother finally found his voice.

"D – Don't do it, Leo! He isn't going . . . to kill me! He needs . . . me alive!" Though the words that Donnie had just spoken had come out stammered and hoarse sounding, the determination behind them had made them loud and clear, even over the howling wind. Donnie then pushed himself up into a seated position so that he could better see his oldest brother. The second that he made eye contact with Leo, the genius turtle could see the silent apology in his brother's guilty stare and the sight made tears instantly start to well in his own eyes.

The moment of unspoken regret between the brothers was soon interrupted by the beast still holding Donnie hostage.

"Do not tempt me to defy my orders, young one!" Edging his weapon even closer to Donatello's forehead, Tiger Claw glared down at his captive with his one menacing yellow eye. He hoped that the expression might intimidate the turtle into shutting up, but the reptile did not take the hint.

"His mission . . . is to capture me . . . and deliver me . . . to Shredder. Shredder . . . he wants me . . . to work for him. Tiger Claw's instructions . . . are to bring me . . . to Shredder alive. He has no . . . intention . . . of killing me," Donnie panted, having to pause for breath numerous times. His less injured arm shook from the strain of holding himself up and sweat poured down from his brow, only to be sopped up by his tattered and filthy mask. As he peered up at his older brother through his red-rimmed eyes, Donatello gritted his teeth, attempting to hide his suffering.

Regardless of the genius turtle's best efforts to deceive his big brother, he was unable to fool the ever-observant leader. Leonardo could clearly see that Donnie was in a tremendous amount of pain and it angered the turtle in blue beyond measure. But not nearly as much as hearing that Shredder was after his little brother had . . . The announcement had temporarily rendered Leo speechless. The idea of his pacifistic, brilliant brother working for Shredder was completely preposterous, not to mention downright disturbing.

When Leo was finally able to speak again, all he could gasp out was one word.

"What?"

It was obvious that the eldest turtle was offended by what his brother had said. The disgusted look on the leader's face was evidence of that.

"Your brother speaks the truth. Master Shredder has big plans for his special talents. He will serve the Shredder for the rest of his life. And if he refuses, I assure you that he will be brutally punished until he learns to respect and obey his new master. No, I do not plan on killing him at this point, but you . . . You I have no qualms with killing," Tiger Claw said, pointing the shock gun straight at the blue-masked turtle.

"No!" As much as it pained him, Donatello somehow managed to rise to his feet. Once upright, however, he immediately had to shift all of his weight onto his good leg, but even that leg was barely able to hold him up. While he fought to keep his balance, he stared up at Tiger Claw for several drawn-out moments before speaking again. "Let Leo go. I promise . . . I'll go . . . with you willingly . . . if you promise me . . . that no harm . . . will come . . . to my brothers."

Tiger Claw narrowed his eye in consideration of the offer.

"Donnie, no!" Leo shouted.

As far as Donatello was concerned, handing himself over to the enemy was the only viable option at this point. If Donnie didn't go with Tiger Claw of his own accord, the oversized cat would most likely kill Leo with his shock gun, and then, turn around and capture the genius turtle anyway. At least if Donnie could manage to talk Tiger Claw into letting Leo go in exchange for his full cooperation, his oldest brother would live. It was the only way that Donnie could foresee them all getting out of this situation alive, assuming they could defeat Grizzgore. To Donnie, life in captivity seemed like a small price to pay to save his brothers.

"It's because of me . . . that we're in this mess . . . in the first place, Leo. This is . . . my chance . . . to make things right. This is my chance . . . to protect you. It's . . . It's better this way." As Donnie slowly turned towards his oldest brother, his face bore the most somber of expressions and his mocha-colored eyes revealed that his leg wasn't the only part of him that was broken.

There was no question in the oldest turtle's mind that his brother's heart was shattered, perhaps past the point of repair. The genius turtle's pain was almost palpable, but that didn't justify what Donnie was suggesting. Not for a second.

"How is you turning yourself over to the Shredder better?" Leo's tone was surprisingly harsh and scolding. So much so, it made Donnie flinch, but it did not make him change his mind.

"Because . . . you'll be safe. Our brothers . . . they need you . . . more than they need me. Let me go, Leo. Please . . . " In spite of being gravely injured, Donatello was no less stubborn than normal. He was dead set on doing what he thought was the noble thing. Sure, he was scared to death of what the Shredder would do to him, but for once, Donnie wanted to be the strong one. For once, _he_ wanted to be the fearless one. If surrendering himself over to the enemy was the only way to protect his brothers, then that was what he was going to do.

Leo then spoke as though he had read his brother's thoughts.

"No, Donnie! There is no way I'm letting you go. Not ever. This isn't up for debate. I'm not about to stand by and let you sacrifice yourself to save us. We need you, Donnie. We need you more than you will ever know and I'm so sorry that I hurt you, little brother. I'm so sorry for everything, but _this_ . . . This isn't the answer," Leo said with as much sincerity as his voice could convey. He knew it wasn't going to make up for all of the wrongs that he had done to his brother, but he hoped that it was a good starting point. He needed to make Donnie see just how important he was to them. He needed to help his dejected brother rebuild the self-esteem that he had stolen away from him.

Donnie could see the conviction in Leo's eyes as he had spoken and the purple-clad turtle soon realized that his plan to bargain with Tiger Claw for his brothers' safety was never going to work. It was clear that his oldest brother was not going to let him leave without a fight.

Another strategy was needed . . .

Staring over at the glowing blue end of the shock gun still pointed at his big brother, the genius turtle's brain swiftly started to formulate the beginnings of a new plan. One that he knew Leonardo would never approve of, but when Hamato Donatello set his mind on doing something, there was no stopping him.

Donnie closely studied the framework of the shock gun in Tiger Claw's paw, mentally dissecting it. What the brainiac turtle knew about rudimentary tasers was that they delivered a high voltage, low amperage charge to the body. The low amperage was what made a taser hit essentially non-injurious, preventing the weapon from doing any permanent damage. The electroshock weapon was designed to transmit an electrical current that resulted in disabling neuromuscular control. In short, the electrical output of a taser was intended to interfere with communication between the brain and muscles, making a person unable to control their own movements.

Based on what little information Tiger Claw had given them about this new weapon, Donnie could only assume that Baxter Stockman's shock gun did not work on the same non-lethal principle as a standard taser. He was willing to bet that Stockman had designed the weapon with a little less consideration for the potential victims. Donnie had already found out firsthand that, even on a lower setting, the weapon was easily able to incapacitate him completely for an unknown period of time. Most likely, Stockman's new shock gun produced an electrical discharge that carried a much higher current than the typical taser, knowing full-well that it would result in a much deadlier weapon.

As Donnie continued to process his plan, he noticed that Leonardo and Tiger Claw's tempers were rapidly coming to a head and the two of them were about to start exchanging blows. It left Donnie valuable little time to strategize. He needed to think even faster than his usual hundred miles per hour.

"Get away from my brother!" Leonardo snorted in a threatening tone that seemed more befitting of Raphael.

"Well, if you want your precious brother back, you're going to have to fight me for him," Tiger Claw challenged, motioning for the turtle in blue to come at him.

"Oh, I intend to," Leo fired back, holding his swords at ready.

"And by fight, I mean to the death, of course," was Tiger Claw's retort.

"That's exactly what I had in mind. I'm gonna kill you for hurting my brother!" Again, Leo was acting as though he had taken a page straight from the book of Raph and it made Donnie shudder in his shell.

Even though the looming fight was supposedly over him, the genius turtle noticed that Leo and Tiger Claw all of a sudden seemed oblivious to his actual presence. Their hate-filled eyes were fixed on each other. Their detestation for one another radiated from their every pore.

For a moment, Donnie was struck by a sense of déjà vu and he felt invisible and insignificant once again, but he quickly fought off the inclination to feel sorry for himself. There were far more important matters at hand . . .

Not about to idly stand by and watch his oldest brother fight to the death for him, Donnie realized that he had to act, and act now.

Somewhat of an aficionado on the basic fundamentals of electricity, Donnie knew all too well that the body was a good conductor and that electricity involved the simple flow of electrons from point A to point B to complete a circuit. So, in theory, if point A was himself and point B was Tiger Claw, the shock gun would travel the shortest distance to loop the ground. Donnie was about to test this theory.

Before putting his plan into motion, the genius turtle looked over at his brother one last time and his expression grew grim. Donnie knew that his plan would put himself at great risk for electrocution, and quite possibly, death. Once the plan was implemented, the electricity would course through him and the current would most likely be strong enough to stop his heart, but if he could perhaps debilitate the mutant tiger set on killing his brother, even if only for a few moments to give Leo the upper hand, Donnie was willing to take that chance.

As Donnie had said just moments ago, his brothers needed Leo far more than they needed him.

Then, the harsh voices of his older siblings returned, echoing in the back of his head and providing him with further incentive to do what he was about to do.

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

 _"What the shell were you thinking?"_

 _"You're supposed to be the smart one."_

 _"You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

 _"You let him take you out!"_

 _"I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

 _"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!"_

 _"This isn't about you, Donnie."_

Donnie closed his eyes as his courage nearly faltered, but for only for a fraction of a second. He knew what had to be done . . .

 _"This isn't about you, Donnie."_

No, this wasn't about him. This was about them.

And he would do anything to save them.

 _Anything . . ._

"I'm sorry, Leo. Whatever happens . . . promise me . . . you won't blame each other. Please . . . help each other . . . to heal. I'm sorry . . . f – for being so weak . . . and for letting . . . all of you down. Please . . . forgive me," Donnie spoke, just above a whisper, remorse clearly written on his face.

Leonardo's blue eyes widened with horror when he suddenly realized what Donnie was about to do and he was completely powerless to stop it.

"Donnie! No!"

Ignoring his brother's voice, Donnie reached out and grabbed Tiger Claw's arm with one hand, and then, grabbed the glowing tip of the shock gun with his other hand, thus completing the circuit.

There was an intense jolt of indescribable agony and Donnie's entire body felt as though it was being burned to a crisp from the inside out. It was like nothing that he had ever felt before. He had no control over the blood curdling scream that he heard erupt from the recesses of his throat. It was as if thousands of volts of electricity were raging through him, causing his muscles to convulse, and then, seize up altogether. Every nerve ending felt like it had literally exploded. The excruciating pain was all-encompassing, swallowing him whole. He took one last rattly breath before the life began to leave his body. He could not see, he could not breathe, he could not think. There was only pain, and then –

There was nothing . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: (;_;) This was an extremely emotional and difficult chapter for me to write. I hope that you liked it.**_

 _ **Just so everyone knows ahead of time, I will not be posting an update next week, because I will be out of town.**_

 _ **As always, please favorite, follow, and review this story if you are enjoying it. I would really, really appreciate it and would love to know if you like my story.**_

 _ **Thanks so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	16. Chapter 16 - Time of Death

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I'm back and here's chapter 16 of 'Lost in the Fight.' This one is one of the most gut-wrenching chapters in the whole story. I cried several times while editing it . . . 8'{**_

 _ **I would like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who has read, 'favorited,' followed, and reviewed this story. I am extremely grateful to all of you who have stuck with 'LITF' these past few months. I can't thank you enough for the support.**_

 ** _If you like this story, as well as any of my other stories, please favorite/follow/review. I would LOVE to know if you are enjoying my writing._**

 _ **Thank you so much. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 16 – Time of Death**

It had all happened so fast, it was like it wasn't even real. One moment, Donatello was standing there, and the next, he was lying on the rooftop, frighteningly still. There hadn't been enough time for Leonardo to do anything to stop his little brother from sacrificing himself, but the genius turtle had been counting on that.

Leo had only been able to watch on in horror as his brother had grabbed onto the exposed prongs of the lethal shock gun. The whole scene kept replaying in the oldest turtle's head, like a bad dream he couldn't wake up from. He could still see Donnie violently twitching and convulsing from the self-inflicted electrocution. What was even worse was that he could still see his younger brother's lifeless body topple into a jointless heap at Tiger Claw's hind paws.

It was all too much for the ninja in blue to wrap his head around and his entire body had gone numb from the shock. Too afraid to move, Leonardo just stood there frozen solid for what felt like ages, staring down in slaw-jawed disbelief at his motionless brother.

 _This can't be happening . . ._

 _This can't be happening . . ._

 _This can't be happening . . ._

In the back of his overwrought mind, Leonardo kept repeating that mantra over and over again. He kept telling himself that his little brother hadn't just died right in front of him. The mere notion that Donatello had just killed himself in order to protect him from Tiger Claw was ripping the oldest brother's insides apart.

 _Tiger Claw!_

What had happened to the mutated tiger during all of this had actually been the furthest thing from Leonardo's thoughts up until now. Crippled by his grief, Leo had not been able to tear his eyes away from his brother's lifeless body and the blue-clad turtle had left himself totally defenseless against any kind of attack. Tiger Claw could have easily struck the leader down without opposition, but surprisingly, he had not.

Curious as to why his enemy hadn't attacked him, Leonardo looked up just in time to see the massive tiger clumsily disappear down the access ladder, retreating into the night with that horrible new weapon in tow.

Unbeknownst to the oldest turtle, Donatello's plan had worked almost flawlessly. When the jolt of electricity had zapped Tiger Claw, his reaction had been to immediately pull away from the genius turtle's hold on his arm, but not before the mutant feline had been physically impaired by the shock. The oversized cat had let out a low, distorted roar, both from the nearly disabling voltage that had just surged through him courtesy of the purple-banded turtle and from the fury of seeing his hostage lying dead at his feet. Tiger Claw's mission had failed miserably. Despite succeeding in ridding the world of one of the wretched turtles, which would no doubt be a devastating loss to the Hamato Yoshi clan, he had also managed to kill the one terrapin that he had been specifically ordered not to. The punishment for his failure would be most severe.

Although Tiger Claw had wanted more than anything to stick around and make the surviving turtles pay for all of the damage that their loathsome brother had caused, the giant cat had realized that he was in no condition to take on anyone. Especially not three livid ninja turtles who would no doubt want to avenge their fallen brother.

Gathering up what little had remained of his strength and his pride, Tiger Claw had glared down at the dead turtle's body one last time, and then, at the turtles' leader before staggering away in defeat. The mutant feline would get his reckoning another day. Besides, the broken and shattered look upon the blue-masked warrior's face as he stared at his deceased brother had been retribution enough to tide Tiger Claw over until that day came.

As soon as the enemy was out of sight, Leo's attention veered back down to Donnie and the leader snapped out of whatever immobilizing trance had a hold on him. Once the majority of his senses were back in working order, Leonardo's first response was to mentally berate himself for freezing up like some scared little kid when he should have been taking action. His next response was to run towards Donnie's stock-still form and drop down to his knees beside his little brother.

Without another moment's hesitation, Leo rolled Donnie onto his carapace and he instantly noticed the bluish tint of his little brother's lips. The oldest turtle reached out a shaky hand and nervously pressed his fingertips against the side of his brother's windpipe, trying to find a pulse.

Nothing.

There was no rise and fall of his chest. There was no movement. There was nothing.

 _No_! _He isn't dead! Donnie can't be dead!_

Leonardo's own pulse accelerated to an unhealthy level and his breathing began to quicken to the point that he was practically panting, nearing hyperventilation.

With unsteady hands, Leo pried open Donnie's mouth and hovered his face centimeters above his younger brother's lips. He couldn't hear the nauseating rattling in his genius brother's lungs like he had before, nor could he feel the warmth of his brother's breath against his cheek. That was because his brother wasn't breathing.

 _NO!_

"Donnie!" Leo cried out, knowing full well that his brother couldn't actually hear him. The reaction had just been a byproduct of panic.

Trying his darnedest to stay calm, Leo put one of his hands over the top of the other and intertwined his fingers together. He then placed the heel of his bottom hand down on the center of Donnie's already battered plastron and began chest compressions.

It was at this dire moment, when all seemed to be at its darkest, that Leonardo's other two brothers finally made their way up to the top of the building. The turtle in blue could hear the dread in their voices as they began to call out for him, but he did his best to block them out so that he could continue to concentrate on reviving his genius brother.

At least a couple of years had passed since Donnie had taught his three brothers how to do CPR. Leonardo remembered that he and his other two brothers had rolled their eyes when their brainy sibling had insisted on training them on the quote, vital emergency procedure, unquote. The oldest turtle also vividly recalled that, upon seeing all of them roll their eyes, Donnie had lectured them about the importance of safety and being prepared for anything. After a whole lot of grumbling and complaining, the three of them had eventually agreed to humor their safety-conscious brother and endure the lesson, knowing that Donatello was only doing it for their own good and that the procedure could potentially save one of their lives someday.

Little did the genius turtle know, he would be the one who would inevitably need the life-saving techniques that _he_ had forced them to learn . . .

Leo cursed the cruelty of irony.

"Come on, Donnie. You've got to breathe for me. You don't want to disappoint your brothers now, do you?" While he spoke, Leo pumped his hands down hard and fast into his brother's chest, hoping against hope that he was doing it right. He was having a difficult time keeping his head on straight as he went through the motions. The leader in blue was trying to keep count of how many times he had thrust down into Donnie's plastron, while at the same time, he was trying to remember if it was supposed to be thirty compressions to two breaths or thirty to five breaths.

Again, irony reared its ugly head. If the oldest turtle inadvertently killed the very same turtle who had trained him on CPR by performing the procedure improperly on him, Leo was pretty sure that his little brother would rise from the dead and strangle him for not listening to him.

Over the sound of his own heavy breathing, Leo heard his other brothers' footsteps approaching, and then, he heard Mikey whimpering Donnie's name, but the oldest turtle did not stop to acknowledge their arrival. He couldn't allow anything to slow his momentum or interrupt his counting.

 _Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four . . ._

"Please, don't do this to me, Donnie. Take a breath," Leo grunted in exertion, pushing harder and harder into Donatello's plastron. His injured brother's condition had not changed. He was still completely unresponsive.

 _Twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven . . ._

"Leo . . . Wh – what . . . D – Donnie," Raph stammered, helplessly falling down to the surface of the rooftop not far from where his older sibling was kneeling over Donnie's body. The red-clad turtle stared down at his lifeless little brother and the world started to spin around him.

His brainiac brother wasn't breathing!

Raphael suddenly felt as though he was watching himself from outside of his own body, floating high above the surreal scene before him. He could see that he had started to tremble uncontrollably and that tears were pooling in his eyes, but he didn't feel a thing. Everything had gone strangely numb from his head to his toes. That was most likely because he was terrified out of his mind. For once in his life, he did not feel a single twinge of anger. All that he felt was sheer, unadulterated fear. The supposedly roughest and toughest turtle was genuinely freaking out, scared to death that he was about to lose his brother.

In the meantime, Leo kept thrusting his hands into Donnie's chest.

 _Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty . . ._

The blue-masked turtle leaned down and pinched Donatello's nostrils shut, just as his smartest brother had taught him to do. Leo then sealed his mouth over Donnie's and blew in two deep breaths, watching out of the corner of his eye as his brother's chest rose with the air that he had just blown into his lungs. After that, there was no movement. His genius brother remained disturbingly still, while his hotheaded brother stayed abnormally quiet, and his baby brother just continued to whimper Donnie's name.

Clinging desperately to his last vestiges of faith, Leo straightened his back up and started chest compressions again. This time, his pace was much more frantic as his panic rose to unchartered heights. He followed the next thirty compressions with two more breaths of air, and then, back to compressions again.

No reaction.

"You have to breathe, Donnie! Don't you dare quit on me now! Breathe, damn it!" Leonardo's voice shook with raw emotion as he powerfully shoved his hands down into Donnie's plastron, again and again and again, trying to keep his movements as quick and even as he could.

Two more puffs of air, but still, nothing happened.

"Donnie, please! You've gotta be okay! You can't leave me!" Mikey's voice broke right along with his heart. The youngest turtle covered his mouth with both of his hands in an attempt to hold back his lament, but it was an epic fail. The sobs came out regardless of his efforts, one after another, and just like that, he was a blubbering mess again. His legs gave way beneath him and his knees came crashing down into the roof below him. He slid his hands up and wrapped them tightly around his head, wishing that the hurt would magically go away. The events of this night were just too much to take. Mikey had never been able to deal well with traumatic situations, but _this_ . . . _This_ was way more than he could possibly cope with. He couldn't face life without Donnie. He just couldn't. Without his closest brother, he would be totally lost.

The smallest turtle then began to cry even harder.

Trying not to let Mikey's pitiful sobs unnerve him, Leonardo feverishly continued to attempt to resuscitate Donatello, but with each round of ineffective compressions and breaths, hope began to fade into empty despair. The vigor behind Leo's compressions started to fade as well.

"Come on, breathe, Donnie. Breathe. Please . . . " Leo begged, his voice trailing off as he spoke, each passing word quieter than the one prior. There were uncontested tears streaming down his face. Slowly, the awful reality sank in, and with it, everything started to unravel.

"How could you do this to us? How could you leave us? You have no right to do this. No right to give your life for mine," Leo whispered as he pushed down on Donnie's plastron one last time.

Mikey's sobs grew even louder when he noticed Leo stop his efforts to bring Donnie back to life. His oldest brother's head was hung down in utter sorrow and defeat.

"No! No! Why are you stopping?" Mikey shrieked, suddenly stricken with unspeakable horror. His face was etched with both panic and outrage, and then, his eyes welled with fresh tears as he stared at Leo with a now tragic expression.

"Mikey – " Leo started, but his youngest brother soon cut him off. Not that it mattered all that much. The turtle in blue probably wouldn't have been able to get too far past the word 'Mikey' anyway.

"Y – You can't just give up, Leo! You have to keep trying! Raph, tell him that he has to keep trying! Tell him!"

"Leo?" As Raph hiccupped out his older brother's nickname, he could see the tears rolling past Leonardo's already soaked mask and down his cheeks. It had been years since Raph had seen Leo out-and-out cry. His big brother was always so stinking concerned about being the brave and fearless one. He was always so set on maintaining his composure at all times. Seeing Leo this visibly shaken was the worst possible reality check imaginable. It meant that things would never be the same. Their family would never be whole. Not ever again.

"Leo, please! Try again!" There had been such hurt in Mikey's voice as he had wailed out his request, it had made the oldest turtle's breath get stuck in his throat.

Never in all of his life had Leo wanted so much to just collapse into the fetal position and bawl his eyes out. To just let himself crumble into millions of pieces or disappear altogether. Leonardo turned his face away from his brothers, struggling to preserve what little self-control that he had left. It took everything he had to not to throw himself on top of Donnie's motionless body and scream in agony.

They had lost him . . .

Devastated beyond words, Leonardo pulled Donatello's flaccid body up and held it tightly against his own body, hiding his face in his younger brother's lifeless chest. The oldest turtle realized that he shouldn't have let his brothers see him crying like this, but he couldn't stop the tears from freefalling. He pressed his face even deeper into Donnie's plastron, hiding from his other brothers' mournful eyes. He couldn't bear to face them at this moment. He had failed all of them so very badly. He had let his little brother, whom he had sworn to always protect, die while trying to save him.

As Leo clung to Donnie, Mikey emitted a heartbreaking sob and sloppy tears began to gush down his cheeks like rivers. He didn't care about trying to stifle his cries anymore. He didn't care about trying to be strong anymore. He didn't care about whoever or whatever might hear or see him. All he cared about was that his beloved brother was gone forever. His best friend in the whole wide world wasn't ever coming back.

"Donnie! No!" The youngest turtle buried his face in his hands as the sobs came harder than they ever had before.

Ever since Mikey could remember, Donnie had always been there for him. His closest brother had always comforted him when he was sad. He had always protected him when he was scared. He had always told him that everything was going to be okay, but now, everything was so _not_ going to be okay. Nothing was going to be okay ever again. Not without Donnie . . .

With his heart now broken past the point of repair, Leonardo gently lowered Donatello's limp body down to the rooftop. The oldest turtle choked on a sob of his own as he reached forward and lovingly touched Donnie's face, knowing that he would never get to see the passionate gleam in his genius brother's big brown eyes again, nor would he ever again get to see his brother's warm, goofy, gap-toothed grin or watch him proudly unveil his latest and greatest invention. He would never get to see his brilliant little brother ever grow into an adult. With that tragic realization, Leo's tears spilled heavily down onto his deceased brother's body.

Overwhelmed by unimaginable grief, the oldest turtle just stared down at his motionless brother. The ninja in blue could hear Mikey crying behind him and Raph fighting like shell to hold back his own sobs. Leo's two other siblings were just as devastated as he was and needed him now more than ever, but he had no idea what to do or say to them. They needed him to be strong and reassuring, but he just wasn't. Not when it felt like everything that he had ever known had just been destroyed. All that Leonardo could manage to do was to turn and wrap his arms securely around Mikey's carapace, holding him close. He could feel his baby brother shivering against him, which only made the oldest turtle feel that much more overcome by indescribable sorrow. Then, to make matters worse, Leo heard Raph finally lose his battle to stay composed. The sound of his hardheaded, temperamental brother openly weeping beside him was more than the oldest turtle could handle.

It was more than the youngest turtle could handle, too.

Once Mikey heard his red-clad brother start to cry, the baby of the family allowed himself to collapse fully into Leo's embrace, just wanting to shut it all out. Wanting nothing more than to switch off all of the pain and simply fall apart. But then, he thought about what Donnie would have done if it was someone else lying there on that rooftop.

Donnie would have never given up on one of them. In fact, Mikey was pretty sure that they would have had to pry his brainy brother off with a big stick and knock him out cold in order to get him to stop.

Donnie would have _never_ quit on any of them.

Well, Mikey wasn't about to quit on Donnie now.

Not when his brother needed him the most . . .

"I have to see him, Leo!" Before Mikey had even finished his sentence, he had already wriggled himself free from his oldest brother's arms and crawled towards Donatello. When he got a close-up view of his smartest brother's severely beaten body, the youngest turtle nearly broke down crying again, but he was quick to remind himself that his big brother was counting on him. Mikey then balled his right hand up, and without any warning, he slammed his fist down into the middle of Donnie's unmoving chest.

"You can't die on me, Donnie! I won't let you!"

When nothing happened, Mikey violently smashed his fist down again.

Still, nothing.

At first, the two oldest brothers had thought that Mikey hitting Donnie in the chest was just an expression of grief, but then, their youngest sibling started hammering his fist into their unresponsive brother's sternum over and over again. Each strike appeared to be harder than the last.

"Mikey, what are you doing?" Raph gasped out, struggling to keep his composure as he watched his baby brother hysterically and brutally try to beat the life back into their genius brother. It was a most unexpected role reversal. The callous, hotheaded turtle was the one who was crying and an emotional wreck while the sweet, overly sensitive turtle was the one who was losing control and resorting to violence. Raph would have never thought that Mikey had it in him, but then again, they had never lost a brother before. None of them knew how to cope with such a tremendous loss.

"Michelangelo! That's enough! Stop it!"

Mikey couldn't help but to tense up as his oldest brother howled at him and tried to jerk him away from Donatello's body.

"No! There's still a chance, Leo! It's only been a few minutes! There's still time to save him! Donnie, please! Wake up, bro! Wake up!" Mikey shouted, breaking free of Leonardo's grasp once again. Then, with all of the strength that he could summon, the orange-clad turtle pounded both of his fists angrily into Donatello's unsuspecting plastron, which caused the genius brother's body to jerk up as though he had been shocked by defibrillators.

Leo and Raph each grabbed hold of one of Mikey's arms and managed to tear their youngest brother away from Donnie.

Michelangelo let out several screechy growls of frustration as he desperately tried to scratch and claw his way back to Donnie's side, but his two oldest brothers refused to loosen their grip on him. Eventually, the turtle in orange ceased his whining and struggling, and when he did, there came a small sound that made all three of their hearts just about jump right out of their chests.

Much to their amazement, the sound had come from Donnie.

Their 'dead' brother was wheezing.

Shaking off his two stunned brothers with little to no effort, Mikey scooted over to Donnie and immediately began to stroke his brainy brother's head while the injured turtle faintly gasped and gagged, trying to take in precious oxygen.

"That's it, D. Just keep breathing, bro. Nice and easy. It's gonna be okay, Donnie."

As Mikey lovingly comforted their unconscious brother, all that Leonardo could do was just sit there and stare, temporarily frozen in disbelief yet again. When reality finally sunk in, the oldest brother covered his mouth with a trembling hand and began to softly weep tears of joy.

It was at that exact moment that Raph lunged forward and threw his arms around his baby brother. The sudden show of emotion from his normally undemonstrative brother startled Mikey a bit, but the youngest turtle swiftly recovered from his initial shock. Never one to turn down a hug – especially not from his brother who hardly ever tolerated such open displays of affection – Mikey gladly returned the crushing embrace.

After several prolonged seconds, Raph released his hold on Mikey, and then, it was Leonardo's turn to express his gratitude. The oldest turtle cupped his hands over the sides of Mikey's round face and he pressed their foreheads together. Leo then leaned back and looked his youngest brother straight in the eyes. Mikey could see that his big brother's blue mask was drenched with tears and there were still more running down his face. The turtle in orange couldn't remember the last time that he had seen Leo outright crying like this. His most serious brother always tried to keep his emotions in check, but right now, he didn't seem to care that he was practically blubbering. He just let his tears fall which made it hard for Mikey not to let more of his own come tumbling down.

"Thank you, Mikey," Leo whispered, barely able to speak. "Thank you for bringing him back to us."

Mikey clamped his upper teeth down onto his quivering lower lip and nodded, looking up at his oldest brother with a wide-eyed, childlike expression on his face.

"You done good, little brother. You done real good." As Raph offered his own praise, he reached out and playfully rubbed his knuckles against the top of his baby brother's bald head, which made the youngest sibling giggle and grin from ear slit to ear slit.

While Raph and Mikey shared a lighthearted moment together, Leo leaned over Donatello and gazed down at his badly wounded brother through glossy eyes. As gently as he possibly could, the oldest turtle lifted Donnie partially up and cradled his younger brother's broken body in the crook of his arm. The blue-clad turtle then began to rock his brother gently, the way that their father used to do whenever one of them was hurt or sick, back when they were just little turtle tots. Master Splinter had done this up until Leo and Raph had decreed at the ripe old age of eight that they were too big to be cuddled.

That had been so long ago . . .

The oldest sibling swallowed the thick lump that had formed in his throat over the childhood recollection, and then, he graciously smiled down at Donnie. The feeling of warmth from his little brother's breath wafting against his skin was nothing short of a miracle. Yes, Donatello's breathing was unnervingly hitched and shallow, but the sound of the genius turtle inhaling and exhaling once again was the most soothing thing that Leonardo had ever heard. The turtle in blue tenderly petted his younger brother's head and released a sigh of content.

Upon hearing Leo sigh, Raph and Mikey gathered around Donnie and warmly stared down at their genius brother. They had come so close to losing him. In fact, they _had_ lost him for several agonizing minutes. They now knew what it felt like to lose a brother. It was the worst pain imaginable and none of them ever wanted to feel that way again, but they were still very much in danger of losing their brother.

Studying Donnie's unconscious form, Leo realized that the nightmare was far from over. His brother's extensive injuries were most certainly life-threatening. Donatello's body was painted in countless wounds and blood. So much so, it made Leo's stomach queasy. His little brother needed immediate medical attention.

"We need to get Donnie back to the lair, now!" The seriousness of Leonardo's tone was not lost on his other two brothers and they did not hesitate to follow his instructions.

Together, they all carefully carried their genius brother back to the Shellraiser, which they had parked not far from the warehouse.

They were finally going to bring their brother home.

Unfortunately, Leonardo had been right in assuming that the nightmare was far from over.

In all actuality, the nightmare had only just begun . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Thank goodness Mikey didn't give up on his brother, but poor Donnie isn't out of the woods yet . . . The real angst is about to begin.**_

 _ **I really hope that this chapter was worth the wait. Just so everyone knows, I may have to start posting updates every other week from now on due to my rather hectic schedule.**_

 _ **If you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please take a moment to favorite, follow, and/or review the story. These past two weeks, I have had more people 'unfavorite' my story than 'favorite' it and that was rather discouraging. I've been pretty down in the dumps about it. :( Having said that, I would like to once again thank everyone who has taken the time to favorite, follow, and/or review this story. Your feedback truly means a lot to me and it's really nice to know if you like my story. Thank you all so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	17. Chapter 17 - An Unhappy Reunion

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 17 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and I have to warn you in advance that this chapter is rather . . . painful.**_

 _ **A tremendous thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read, 'favorite,' follow, and review this story. Also, thank you for all of the amazing and thoughtful comments and messages that I received after posting chapter 16. Your kindness and support means the world to me and I'm super happy that there are still so many readers enjoying 'LITF.' *hugs* =}**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review this story if you like it. I would love to know.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 17 – An Unhappy Reunion**

There was the sound of a vehicle, and then . . .

"Sensei! SENSEI!"

Master Splinter had been sitting cross-legged before the Shinto tree in the Dojo, lost in a deep, meditative trance, when he had first heard his sons' approach.

Michelangelo, as to be expected, had been the loudest of the four boys, making his presence and distress known well before any of them had actually stepped foot inside of the lair. As Master Splinter's children drew nearer, the sound of two additional voices came through. The fact that one voice was still unaccounted for in all of the commotion was most disconcerting to him and caused his face to pull down into the longest of frowns. He perked up his ears, listening attentively for the missing voice, but much to his dismay, it remained absent from the ruckus. What he instead heard was the familiar sound of the subway turnstiles spinning, indicating that his sons had just entered the main living space of the lair.

Within a matter of seconds, Master Splinter had nimbly sprung up from his Lotus position and darted into the main room where his sons were now standing. Well, most of his sons were standing. One son was not and the discovery made his heart sink into the furthest depths of his stomach.

While he willed himself to control both his breathing and emotions, Master Splinter's steely eyes began to study his four boys.

Michelangelo was currently standing several feet in front of his three brothers. His bright eyes were wide with panic as he peered up at his father. Master Splinter's presence normally had a calming effect on the youngest turtle, but not this time. Michelangelo was worked up into such a tizzy, that even his father's entrance did not bring him any sense of peace. The orange-masked ninja was fidgeting and squirming about as though there were ants in his shell.

Raphael, on the other hand, was eerily still. The most temperamental of Splinter's children was standing very near to his oldest brother, in a protective manner, presumably shielding the precious cargo that Leonardo was carrying. There was something quite curious about Raphael's demeanor that Master Splinter instantly picked up on. His second oldest son looked unusually distraught and his eyes were red, presumably from crying. Gone was the anger that typically resided within those fiery, emerald orbs.

Leonardo's eyes were red as well, most likely for the very same reason as Raphael's were. There was no doubt in Master Splinter's mind that his two oldest sons had been crying because of the unconscious turtle being cradled like an infant in Leonardo's arms.

The vision made Master Splinter's breath catch in his rapidly constricting throat. Even from the dozen feet spanning between them, Splinter could see the grave condition that his second youngest son was in and he suddenly found himself struggling to rein in his own distress.

"My sons, what has happened?" Master Splinter asked, moving closer to his children so that he could better assess their conditions. His three sons that were standing before him did not appear to have any life-threatening injuries, but it was difficult to be sure when they were all encased in such a heavy coating of filth and blood. The sight of so much blood made the mutant rat cringe with dread, for he was not sure if the blood covering their bodies was their own, their enemy's, or their seriously injured brother's.

From what Master Splinter could see through the thick grime, his conscious sons had numerous freshly acquired wounds. Some of which probably required first aid, or, at the very least, should be cleaned thoroughly to prevent possible infection. Namely, Raphael, who looked as though something quite large had dragged its claws across the scutes of his plastron. However, Master Splinter was most certain that his three less-injured sons would flat-out refuse any kind of medical treatment at this point. Their top priority would be Donatello, as was his. Now that he was only inches away from his children, he could see the awful condition that his second youngest son was in. Master Splinter reached out a paw and touched the side of Donatello's badly beaten face just as his other sons began to provide him with details of what had led to _this_.

"We found Donnie chained up in an abandoned warehouse, right where the T-phone had indicated he was. He had been captured by Tiger Claw and this mutated bear creature that called himself Grizzgore. He was in awful shape when we found him, Sensei. His leg was broken and they stabbed him in the shoulder." Leo managed to sound slightly calmer than he felt. On the inside, his stomach was all tied up in knots and his lungs felt as though they were closing up on him.

"They . . . they stabbed him with his own weapon, Sensei. It went straight through him. That's how his shell got broke . . . and then . . . then they strung him up by the arms and just left him hanging there, bleeding and broken," Raphael added, barely able to summon the air needed to support his voice. Each word had been a challenge to get out. Surprisingly, there was no rage in his tone, only misery.

When Raph paused to collect himself, Leonardo decided to continue where his immediate younger brother had left off.

"Then, the bear mutant attacked us and created a distraction so Tiger Claw could try to take off with Donnie. When I tried to stop Tiger Claw, Donnie . . . he was shocked with some new weapon that Baxter Stockman invented. His heart stopped and he . . . he quit breathing. We had to give him CPR for what felt like forever. We . . . we almost lost him. If not for Mikey – " Leonardo was unable to finish his thoughts aloud. He had tried so hard to maintain his composure as he spoke, but he just couldn't. The terrible memory of his brother coming so very close to death was still vivid in his mind and just talking about it made him feel like he was reliving it all over again.

Master Splinter shuddered in disgust over what his sons had just told him, but seconds later, he abruptly shifted from conversation mode into action mode.

"Raphael, get the cot set up in the laboratory! Hurry!"

The hotheaded turtle did not hesitate follow his father's command, almost instantaneously disappearing from view in true ninja fashion.

Though he could not explain it, having his father firmly take charge of the situation and tell him what to do had brought Raph a strange sense of relief. It was as if a weight had just been lifted off of his shoulders, which made him feel like a bit of a hypocrite, since whenever Leo took charge of a situation and got all bossy, Raph's reaction was to glare daggers and tell his older brother to get off his back.

"Michelangelo, please fetch me several bowls of warm water, and then, gather as many clean washcloths and hand towels as you can carry." As Master Splinter spoke to Michelangelo, he used a much softer tone than he had with Raphael. Not because he cared for one child more than the other, but because he knew that his youngest son was far more vulnerable and immature than his second oldest son. When addressing Michelangelo after something traumatic had occurred, it required one to use a gentler approach.

Michelangelo had oftentimes expressed his disapproval of being 'babied' and treated differently than his brothers whenever something bad happened, but in this instance, the youngest turtle did not seem to mind. In response to Master Splinter's request, Michelangelo vigorously nodded his head, seemingly appreciative of being allowed to help with something. He then sprinted towards the kitchen to acquire the water that his father had asked him for, happy to be doing anything that might make his wounded big brother feel better.

"Leonardo, carry your brother to the laboratory," Master Splinter instructed in his calm voice, but there was underlying urgency in his words that instantly made the oldest turtle tense up.

"Hai, Sensei." Leonardo bowed his head in what appeared to be an act of deference, but it was really just to glance down at his still unconscious little brother. Ever since they had left the rooftop of the warehouse, Leonardo had found himself checking on Donnie every thirty seconds or so, scared out of his mind that his genius brother would stop breathing again. In fact, Leo's concern for his wounded brother was so profound, he had even elected to let Mikey drive the Shellraiser home so that he could stay in the back of the vehicle with Donnie. This was something that the leader in blue now deeply regretted. Never again would he make such a grievous err in judgment.

While Mikey had driven the Shellraiser like he had been playing some kind of simulated racing game, Leo and Raph had tried as best they could to administer first aid to Donnie's injuries. Their youngest brother's fondness for taking corners up on two wheels had made it virtually impossible for the two oldest turtles to keep steady and the end result was a rather sloppy patch job that Donnie would have been absolutely mortified by. At least Leo and Raph had somehow managed to slow the bleeding down. They had also managed to splint their genius brother's leg by using the bloodied and broken half of Donnie's bo-staff to immobilize his busted limb. As disturbing as it had been to use the very weapon that had critically wounded their brother, they had been forced to do so for lack of a better option.

Peering down at Donnie again, Leo grimaced at the sight of his and Raph's inferior attempt to stabilize their injured brother. Donatello would have never provided any of them with such poor treatment. Even amidst all of the jostling and chaos, he probably would have made a cast out of some weird combination of things, like windshield washer fluid, a couple sticks of gum, and one of the Shellraiser's seat covers. Then, he would have utilized the remaining components of the dismantled seat – tossing in some spare parts along the way – to construct a high-performance wheelchair, complete with adjustable tilt seating, powerlift, thrusters, and built-in cup holders. That's just the way that Donnie was, always tweaking old things and inventing new ones. Always trying to make their lives better, but they hadn't appreciated him. Not nearly enough. Heck, even the Shredder himself was aware that Donatello was exceptionally gifted and brilliant, but yet, his own brothers had taken him for granted all this time, assuming that he would always be there to fix every little thing.

But now, Donnie's three brothers were faced with the horrible reality that their genius brother may not always be there, all because _they_ didn't know how to fix _him_ . . .

Quickening his footsteps to match the tempo of his racing heart, Leonardo entered the laboratory and gently lowered his brother's frail body down onto the heavy duty, hospital cot that Raph had already set up. Glancing around the lab, Leo saw that his hotheaded brother was currently helping Master Splinter roll in the numerous portable cabinets that Donatello stored the majority of their various medical supplies in. It was standard protocol whenever one of them was seriously injured or ill to set up a makeshift infirmary in the genius turtle's lab. Of course, it was normally Donnie who was the one in charge of setting everything up.

As Raphael and Master Splinter continued to turn the lab into a sickbay, Leonardo veered his attention back on Donnie and began to carefully remove the pieces of his wounded brother's gear that he hadn't already removed on the way back to the lair. There may have been hidden injuries underneath the attire, not to mention it was filthy.

Once the last of Donnie's gear had been stripped away, Leonardo set it aside on a nearby table and quickly returned to his brother's side. The oldest turtle then found himself helplessly staring down at his brother's battered body and he could feel the immense guilt gnawing away at his insides. His badly injured brother deserved far better treatment than what they were capable of giving him. If it would have been anyone else lying there unconscious on that cot, Donatello would have known exactly what do. He would not rest until they were fully healed and good as new.

A heavy exhale deflated out of Leo.

It wasn't right that Donnie was the one lying there hurt. He was the one who had long taken care of them, no matter what. He was their true protector. Not Master Splinter with his infinite wisdom. Not Raph with his brute strength. Not Mikey with his eternal optimism. Not even Leo with his passionate leadership. It was Donnie who ultimately kept them all safe and sound.

Leo kicked himself for not seeing it sooner. Why had it taken him so long to see how invaluable Donnie truly was to the family? Why hadn't he seen that his genius brother had always been the strongest of them all? He was the one that they had come to rely on whenever any of them needed something. When something was broken, when something needed solving, when something needed inventing, when someone needed advice, when someone needed a shoulder to lean on, when someone was injured or sick – it was Donnie that they went to and he never once asked them for anything in return. Now, it was Donnie who needed something from them and it scared Leo to no end that they could lose him because his injuries may be beyond their meager medical capabilities.

Unfortunately, what Donatello needed right now was Donatello, but obviously, that wasn't an option. Still, that wasn't going to stop Leo from doing everything in his power to save his little brother. He would not make the mistake of giving up on Donnie again.

Leonardo swept his fingertips across the genius turtle's forehead and winced at the heat that he felt radiating from his brother's skin. Reaching down and taking his injured sibling's flaccid hand in his, Leonardo turned Donnie's palm up so that he could see the burn mark that the shock gun had branded into his little brother's flesh. Through stinging tears, the turtle in blue stared down at the raw-looking raised welts and small blisters that dotted the inside of his brother's hand. Leo then noticed that there was a rather nasty burn mark on Donatello's neck that looked eerily similar to the electrical burns on his palm.

It was at that point that the oldest turtle realized that his gentlest brother had been shocked by the very same weapon prior to the incident on the roof. In other words, Donnie had already discovered firsthand how painful and potentially deadly the weapon was, and still, he had willingly taken the hit for his oldest brother. Leo now knew that his little brother had put himself through agony all over again just to save him.

The revelation filled Leo with that much more determination to do whatever it took to save his brother's life.

"I've got the water, Sensei!" Michelangelo chirped out, and an instant later, he burst through the open lab doors. As he entered, he did his best not to slosh too much water out of the three large bowls carefully balanced in his arms.

"Excellent, my son," Master Splinter praised Michelangelo and he then motioned for his youngest child to place the bowls on the table across from the cot that Donatello was laid out on. "Now, please go and fetch the washcloths and hand towels that I asked for."

"Hai, Sensei!" Less than a half-second later, the orange-clad turtle bolted out of the laboratory as though it was on fire.

Despite the bleakness of the situation, Master Splinter couldn't stop his lips from stretching into a thin smile. What Michelangelo had always lacked in focus, he had more than made up for in enthusiasm. The energy flowing through his youngest son had the capability of lighting up all of New York City.

Once Michelangelo was outside of the laboratory, Master Splinter's smile disappeared and he shifted his gaze onto Donatello's fragile form. As he approached his most intelligent son, Master Splinter could see that Donatello's eyes were still tightly closed, but there was a pained expression on his face that indicated his rest was anything but peaceful. Moving in closer, the distraught father began to study his second youngest son's many injuries, delicately pulling away the bandages that his other sons had applied so that he could inspect the wounds beneath the dressings. He noticed that Donatello's skin was not only covered in blood, but also, in a sheen of sweat. He could feel his brilliant son shivering beneath his touch, which only added to his anxiety. No doubt the physical wounds that his son had been afflicted with were of great concern to Master Splinter, as was the difficulty that he heard in his child's breathing, but it was the fever still ravaging Donatello's body that had captured his immediate attention. Fever was the body's natural response to an infection, and infections, if left untreated, could have potentially fatal consequences.

Master Splinter shuddered at the thought while he secured the bandages back around Donatello's wounds to stanch the bleeding.

"Raphael, please bring me a thermometer." As Master Splinter spoke the command, he did not remove his eyes from his broken son's body.

Nodding in compliance, Raphael rushed over to the cabinets that he had just helped his father haul into the lab and started rifling through them, not about to admit that he had no clue which actual cabinet contained the thermometers. Even though the most reckless turtle was probably the one who had spent the most time in the infirmary, other than Donnie himself, the truth was, Raph had never really paid all that much attention to the vast collection of medical supplies that his second youngest brother kept on hand.

Raph let out a raucous breath. Now that Donnie was the one lying there hurt, the temperamental turtle was having serious regrets about never bothering to pay attention when his brother was tending to his many battle wounds. Maybe if he would have, he wouldn't feel so dang useless right now.

 _Where the shell is it?_ Raph mentally growled, angry with himself for not being able to do more to help his injured brother.

While Raphael continued to unsuccessfully hunt for a thermometer, Master Splinter carried on with his examination of his second youngest son, attempting to identify the source of the fever plaguing him. That was when Leonardo noticed the deep frown creasing itself into Master Splinter's face, making his father appear years older than only moments before.

"Sensei?" The eldest son breathed out the Japanese term barely loud enough for anyone to hear, but it was audible enough to make Master Splinter look up. As soon as his master's gaze met his own, it became painfully clear to Leonardo that there was something troubling his father that went much deeper than just Donatello's physical injuries and that truly frightened the turtle in blue.

"Your brother's fever indicates that he is suffering from an infection, and in his extremely weakened condition, I fear an infection could take him from us," Master Splinter said somberly as he stepped past Raphael and made his way over to the drawer where he knew Donatello kept the digital thermometer. Splinter then reached his long, thin fingers inside of the drawer and produced the very object that his second oldest son had been frantically searching for.

During his unproductive efforts to find a thermometer, Raphael had strewn half of the cabinet contents across the floor of the infirmary.

Glancing down at the mess that his most temperamental son had made, Master Splinter furrowed his brow, and then, cast a firm look at Raphael, as though wordlessly accusing him of something.

There was a lesson to be learned here, and there was no doubt in Raph's mind that his father would make sure he painfully understood that lesson . . . once Donatello was out of danger.

Embarrassed beyond words, Raphael's cheeks flushed the same vivid color as his mask and he quickly started shoving items back inside of the storage cabinets. When his genius brother woke up, he was going to be seriously ticked off at him for putting everything back in the wrong order, but that would be fine by Raph, so long as it meant that Donnie was awake.

Ignoring the racket that Raphael was causing behind him, Master Splinter placed the tip of the digital thermometer underneath his injured son's tongue and watched on nervously as the readout on the device climbed to a disturbing height.

"One hundred four degrees. That is much too high. We must get Donatello's temperature down right away. Leonardo, could you please show Raphael where the fever reducer is?" There was a not-so-subtle hint of sarcasm in Master Splinter's stern voice that made the hotheaded turtle cringe in his shell, for he was well aware that his father was mocking him.

As Leonardo went to retrieve the fever medication, Master Splinter left the infirmary without a word. He soon returned with a mortar and pestle, as well as a cup of slightly warm tea that he had prepared earlier in the evening. He set the cup of tea down for the time being in order to free up a paw to take a bottle of pills from his oldest son. Quickly opening up the container that Leonardo had just handed him, Master Splinter placed the proper dosage of the medicine into the bottom of the hardwood mortar and used the pestle to grind up the capsules until they were a fine powder. He then poured the powder into the tea and swirled the cup around to mix the medicine in.

"Help me lift up your brother," Master Splinter said, signaling for his two oldest sons to come closer.

Without a moment's hesitation, Leonardo and Raphael moved on either side of Donatello and cautiously raised their injured brother into a semi-upright position, being mindful of his many injuries as they did so.

While Leonardo and Raphael held up their brother's body, their father gently pried Donatello's mouth open and pressed the rim of the cup against the wounded turtle's bottom lip. Master Splinter then tipped the cup up just high enough so that the tea would slowly trickle down Donatello's throat. Splinter breathed out a sigh of relief when the medicine went down without choking his unconscious son.

Once the tea cup was empty, they lowered Donatello back down to the cot. That was when Mikey came scurrying into the lab with a heap of washcloths and hand towels piled so high, his family could barely see him underneath the mountain of multicolored fabric.

"This is all the clean washcloths and hand towels I could find, plus I grabbed a few socks and some bars of soap!" Michelangelo exclaimed proudly while steadying himself as best he could so as not to initiate a cotton avalanche. When he realized that he was about to drop the many items that he was carrying, he sheepishly added, "Uh, a little help here, guys."

When Raphael went to assist Michelangelo without complaining or making some kind of a snide comment, it dawned on Leonardo that his hotheaded brother must have been wigging out even more than he had initially thought. Quick-witted Raph had just missed the perfect chance to make a snarky remark about Mikey, washcloths, socks, and soap. The Raphael that Leo knew would never miss out on an easy opportunity to harass Mikey like that. Something was definitely amiss with Leo's highly cynical brother. It was just another thing for the oldest turtle to worry about . . .

"Thank you, Michelangelo." As Master Splinter expressed his gratitude, he walked over to assist Michelangelo and Raphael with placing the mound of washcloths and towels on top of the worktable next to Donatello's cluttered desk. Master Splinter then grabbed a washcloth from the stack and went to soak it in one of the bowls of water that his youngest son had brought in. He thoroughly wrung out the washcloth and placed it along Donatello's burning forehead. His injured son quietly moaned when the cool cloth made contact with his smoldering skin.

While it was a good thing that Donatello was showing response to stimuli, it only made it that much more difficult for Master Splinter to tell his sons what had to be done next.

"We are going to need to reset your brother's leg. Michelangelo, will you please retrieve a strap of leather for Donatello to bite down on? One can be found in that left cabinet drawer over there." Before continuing on with his instructions, Master Splinter paused for a moment to point in the direction of the cabinet. He did not wish to see his youngest son repeat Raphael's earlier exploits with the thermometer.

"Leonardo, I am going to need you to pull on Donatello's leg so that I can realign the fractured bones. Raphael, you will need to hold Donatello down as steady as possible. Your brother may be unconscious, but he is still able to feel pain and this is going to cause him a great deal of discomfort," Master Splinter said in a voice that was way too calm considering what he was proposing they do.

"Wait! What? No way! I'm not gonna hurt Donnie like that! Hasn't he been through enough?" Raph howled, backing away from Donnie's cot as though he was suddenly scared of it.

"Raphael, you are physically the strongest of your brothers. Donatello will need your strength to hold him still so that he does not injure himself any further. I do not wish to hurt your brother, either, but if we do not reset the bones as soon as possible, your brother could lose the use of his leg permanently." As Master Splinter explained the reasoning behind his directives, his resolute eyes remained fixed on Raphael, almost boring into him.

"No! There's gotta be another way! Can't we give him something that'll knock him out or push on some pressure point that'll make it so he doesn't feel anything? Or what about your healing mantras? Can't they do something for him?" Raphael's voice came out far shriller than normal, making his rising angst evident to everyone in the room. The red-clad turtle wasn't alone in his panic. Leonardo and Michelangelo were going through the same gut-wrenching feelings on the inside, but somehow, the two of them were managing to keep up appearances. Although seeing Raph play the emotional role that Mikey normally took on was making it that much harder for them to avoid losing it.

"Raphael, if there were any other possible way, do you think I would not do it to spare your brother the torment? I assure you that I will do all that I can to ease Donatello's suffering, but I am afraid that there is nothing I can safely do for him that will have the capability to completely eliminate the pain he will experience." There was a heavy pang of sorrow in Master Splinter's tone, for he felt as though his morals were being called into question by his own son.

After listening to his father's response, Raphael had to clamp his top teeth over his bottom lip to bite off a telltale quiver of weakness. He eventually lowered his head in defeat and moved into position next to Donatello. Once beside the cot, Raph stared down at his brainiac little brother and the hotheaded turtle's features again revealed his inner angst and endless remorse. With all of the wounds covering Donnie's body, Raph wasn't even sure where he could get a firm hold on his brother without causing him additional pain.

Needing a moment to regain his composure, Master Splinter walked away from his sons to retrieve several items that he would need for the procedure. He then returned to his second youngest child's side and took Donatello's limp hand in his.

"Donatello, I do not know if you can hear me or not, but we are going to need to reset the bones in your leg. Before doing so, I am going to give you something for the pain. If you can hear me, my son, please squeeze my hand." Master Splinter half-expected Donatello to acknowledge the heartfelt request that he had just made, but to his disappointment, his son did nothing in response to the sound of his voice.

The now-heartbroken father set Donatello's hand back down onto the cot and began to prepare his son for what had to be done. Trying desperately to stay poised, Splinter stooped over Donatello's still form and injected him with a powerful pain killer. He then used a syringe to inject a local anesthetic near the fractures in his son's leg to help numb the area. Donatello fussed a little, but remained unconscious.

After setting aside the needles, Master Splinter took the leather strap from Michelangelo's trembling hands and placed it inside of Donatello's mouth, closing his wounded son's jaw to help hold the strap in place.

"Michelangelo, I believe it would be best if you left the room."

Upon hearing what Sensei had just said to him, Michelangelo stared up at his father through big, blue eyes that shimmered with sadness.

"I – I don't want to leave Donnie! Please, he . . . he needs me!" Mikey pleaded, though not as convincingly as he had intended. A part of him wanted to stand his ground and be strong for Donnie, but another part of him wanted to run away screaming, knowing what was about to happen. They were going to hurt Donnie even more than he already was and that thought alone was too much for the youngest turtle to bear.

Sensing his baby brother's internal conflict, Raph placed a strong hand on top of Mikey's shoulder and gave it a solid squeeze.

"Mikey, you and I both know that Donnie wouldn't want you to be here for this. It's okay, little brother. You can wait right outside the door if you want. Donnie will know you're there," Raph said, trying his best to protect his baby brother. He felt as though he owed that much to his genius brother. To the younger brother that he had already failed to protect . . .

Raph knew for a fact that if Donnie was awake right now, there was no way in shell that he would ever allow Mikey to watch Master Splinter reset someone's busted leg. That's because they all knew there was no way in shell that Mikey would be able to handle something so gruesome. Heck, Raph wasn't even sure if he himself was going to be able to handle it.

Uncharacteristically at a loss for words, Michelangelo hung his head down and let out a deplorable whimper. He then reached out and lightly traced his fingertips down Donnie's forearm before turning to exit the infirmary. As he trudged away, his grief was plain to see.

Master Splinter waited until his youngest son had closed the laboratory doors, and then, he nodded grimly at his two oldest sons, indicating that it was time.

Leonardo and Raphael nodded in return and assumed their designated positions. The turtle in red hunched over Donatello's torso, using his hands, elbows and arm strength to pin his younger brother down against the cot. The leader in blue stood at the foot of the cot, readying himself to pull on Donatello's broken leg the moment that Master Splinter gave him the go ahead.

Once they were situated, Leo and Raph exchanged wary glances. Neither one of them wanted to be a part of what was about to take place. Their teary-eyed gazes then trailed down to their genius brother. The very brother that they were about to hurt . . .

Master Splinter planted himself in between his two oldest boys and leaned over the area of Donatello's leg where the swelling looked to be the worst, which signified that that was most likely where the breaks were. Hovering his paws just above his son's fractured limb, Master Splinter prepared himself, both physically and mentally. He did not want to cause his wounded son any more pain than necessary, so he would need to move the bones back into proper alignment as quickly as possible.

Drawing in a deep breath, Master Splinter took a moment to focus his thoughts, and then, he motioned for Raphael to brace himself and for Leonardo to pull.

Leo took a moment to mouth a silent apology to Donnie, and then, tugged on his little brother's leg to pull the bones apart so that Master Splinter could put them back into place.

As soon as Leonardo and Master Splinter began to move Donatello's leg, a hoarse scream of agony tore from the wounded turtle's raw throat and he began to wildly jerk and writhe against Raphael's iron grip. Though he was still unconscious, Donnie was clearly not oblivious to the searing hot pain that suddenly ripped through his entire body. His back arched up and he furiously fought against Raphael's hold with all of his strength, twisting and kicking in a violent attempt to free himself.

Raphael grunted from the exertion of trying to keep his genius brother held down against the cot. It was not the simple task that the red-clad brother had initially thought it would be. Raph had always been much stronger than Donnie, so he was a little taken aback when his thin and meek little brother – even in his injured and unconscious state – was giving him a tough time. In a strange twist of fate, the brawniest brother could barely keep the scrawniest brother's extreme thrashing under control.

"Raphael, you must hold him still!" Master Splinter needlessly reminded his second oldest son and his low voice had a cold, scolding quality to it. He regretted being harsh towards Raphael, but he could not reset the bones in Donatello's leg if he was tossing about.

"You think I'm not trying?" Raphael snorted, panting for breath as he continued his attempts to stop Donnie's bucking, but nothing seemed to be working.

"Raph! Hold him down!" Leo barked out.

A frustrated growl emitted from the turtle in red.

The hotheaded brother truly hated himself for what he was about to do, but Donnie had left him no other choice.

Up until this point, Raph had been attempting to avoid his little brother's stabbed shoulder at all cost, but now, he realized that using both shoulders was the only way that he could get a stable enough hold on his delirious brother to keep him pinned down against the cot.

As much as it broke his heart, Raph forcefully pushed his little brother down by both shoulders, causing Donnie to cry out in sheer torture. Then, the red-masked turtle had to watch on in horror as the blood started to rapidly soak through the bandages that he and Leo had earlier wrapped around Donnie's injured shoulder.

"Sorry, Donnie. I'm so sorry," Raphael kept repeating while he continued to push his hand against the gaping wound in his brother's shoulder.

Donnie sunk his teeth into the leather strap still in his mouth and his screams of agony soon diminished into a series of pained keening sounds that were somehow even more unbearable to listen to. To make matters worse, in between the keening sounds, they could all hear the awful wheezing noises that Donnie made with every breath he took.

Once Raphael had finally managed to restrict Donatello's movements, Master Splinter was able to shift and straighten his wounded son's leg until the bones went back into place. Donatello let out a sickening yelp through his clenched jaw, and then, started to whimper and wheeze in pain.

After the bones were set, Donnie's body slackened in Raph's grip, although the temperamental turtle wasn't sure if that was because his little brother was feeling less pain or if it was because he just didn't have any energy left to fight anymore.

"Quickly, Leonardo! We must splint the leg so that he cannot move it. The materials are behind you." While he spoke, Master Splinter gestured towards the necessary supplies with his head so as to maintain his hold on Donatello's leg and keep it as immobile as possible.

Leonardo hurried over to the items that Sensei had been referring to and hauled them to the cot where he and his father immediately went about splinting the leg, making extra sure that the splint was good and secure. They were both certain that they _never_ wanted to go through an experience like that ever again.

When Leonardo and Master Splinter were finished and Donatello seemed to be out cold once more, Raphael took the opportunity to locate the nearest garbage can and promptly throw up in it, over and over again, until his stomach was empty.

Leonardo grimaced at the sound, the sight, and then, the putrid smell of Raphael vomiting. Normally, the oldest turtle wasn't a sympathetic puker, but he was feeling like making an exception to the rule. The horrid sound of Donnie screaming was still resonating in Leo's head, making his own stomach churn and threaten to purge his dinner.

When Raphael was able to stand upright again, he grabbed a towel from the pile atop Donnie's worktable and hastily wiped himself off. He then staggered back over to Donnie's side and began removing the bandages from his brother's wounded shoulder so that he could start repairing the damage that he had just done. Raph wasn't a doctor by any means, but he felt obligated to care for his brainiac brother's shoulder. Especially since he was the one who had injured it to begin with . . .

Seeing Raph hard at work inspired Leo to snatch up a handful of medical supplies, and then, he, too, went to work on taking care of Donnie. Leo started by getting his second youngest brother a new washcloth. During all of the turmoil of resetting Donatello's leg bones, the washcloth that had been draped over the genius turtle's scalding forehead had fallen to the floor. Leonardo placed a fresh, cool washcloth over Donnie's sweat-covered forehead, hoping to help bring the fever down and make his brother feel a little more comfortable.

Master Splinter watched his two oldest sons tending to their fallen brother and it brought him a tremendous sense of pride seeing how deeply his boys cared for one another, but at the same time, he felt an overwhelming sense of worry. Leonardo and Raphael were both frightfully pale and looked to be swaying on their feet, as if at any second, their legs would just give out under the weight of their shells. Even with their masks on, Master Splinter could see that his sons were exhausted, both physically and emotionally. The events of the day had taken an immense toll on them and their minds and bodies required rest. Besides, they were not going to be of much help to him in the shape that they were in anyway.

"My sons, I will handle your brother's treatment from here. The two of you need to clean yourselves up and try to get some rest." Master Splinter moved towards Raphael and gently grasped one of his second oldest son's hands to stop him from removing any additional bandages from Donatello's shoulder.

"But Sensei, Donnie's not even stable yet! He needs – " Raphael tried to reason with Master Splinter, but his father simply held up a paw to stop him.

Looking over at his oldest son, Master Splinter could also see an impending objection hanging from Leonardo's lips.

"I ask that you not disobey me on this, my sons. I know you both want to help your brother, but right now, the best thing you can do for Donatello is to take care of yourselves. That is what Donatello would want. And neither of you will be able to do him any good if you are to fall ill as well. I will tend to Donatello's wounds and you are to get cleaned up and go right to bed. Itte!" Master Splinter ordered in a firm yet softhearted tone.

"With all due respect, Sensei, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to rest until I know that Donnie is gonna be okay." It was not typical of Leonardo to directly question Master Splinter's orders, but his need to help his brother presently outweighed his need to be respectful of his father's commands.

"Master Splinter, why do I get the feeling that there's something you're not telling us here?" Leonardo asked in a bolder voice than anticipated.

Master Splinter sighed before saying, "My sons, Donatello's shoulder injury is very grave. It was not treated properly and is at a high risk for infection. I will need to cut the wound open in order to clean it and remove the burned and badly damaged tissue." Splinter's face bore a deep frown that spoke volumes. He then began to softly pet his second youngest son's head as he continued to speak. "Believe me when I tell you that it will not be a pleasant procedure. I am asking you boys as your father to please leave the laboratory. I do not wish for you to see this, nor would Donatello. I promise to let you know if your brother's condition changes or if I need any additional assistance. You have my word."

Though Leonardo and Raphael wanted to stay with Donatello, they could see the anguish burning in their father's dark eyes. He was only trying to protect them from having to watch their wounded brother suffer any further, and truth be told, the two oldest brothers were not sure how much more they could handle. Both of them felt as though they were on the brink of collapsing.

Taking one last look at their wounded little brother, Leo and Raph reluctantly obliged their father and left the lab, but they both couldn't shake the feeling that their father was still hiding something from them.

Something very, very bad . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Ouch . . . This chapter hurt to write. I hope that all of you liked it.**_

 _ **Sorry for making everyone wait two weeks for this chapter, but I needed a little time away from 'LITF' to emotionally recover. Thank you very much for your encouraging words after my last post. Oh my gosh, that was so incredibly overwhelming and heartwarming. I'm feeling much better now and I promise that I will do my best to have chapter 18 ready by next week. :}**_

 _ **As always, please take a moment to favorite, follow, and/or review this story if you are enjoying it. It really does mean a lot to me and I would love to know if you like my story. It's also nice know if people are still with me.**_

 _ **Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	18. Chapter 18 - Too Much Information

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here is chapter 18 of 'Lost in the Fight' and it's another angst-filled one.**_

 _ **I know not everyone is observing 'Thanksgiving' today, but I am, so I would just like to take a moment to express my immense gratitude to all of you. I am so incredibly thankful for all of my readers and for the many wonderful friends that I have made here on FanFiction. Thank you for all of the support that you have given me. Your kindness is truly a blessing.**_

 _ **I know that I say this every post, but please continue to favorite/follow/review 'LITF' if you are enjoying it. I really do appreciate the feedback.**_

 _ **Thank you so much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 18 – Too Much Information**

On silent paws, Master Splinter crept towards the couch that encircled the pit in the main room of the lair, doing his best to remain undetected.

If not for the pain in his heart, the sight of three out of his four young sons fast asleep on the recessed couch may have made him laugh. Especially since not one of them looked to be in a remotely comfortable position. In fact, Michelangelo was situated in such an awkward and precarious way, he looked to be defying all laws of gravity by somehow not falling off of the seat. His legs were propped up over the top of the couch and his head was draped down so low, it was nearly touching to floor.

Even in sleep, Michelangelo was the most hyperactive member of the family . . .

The humorous spectacle reminded Master Splinter of when his boys were just toddlers. Back then, whenever the four of them were scared of something or one of them was sick or hurt, they would always insist on sleeping in the same room together. Sometimes even on the same bed. Master Splinter had never been able to object to the temporary sleeping arrangements, thinking it was cute, as well as an excellent testament to the close bond his boys shared. It had pleased him that his sons felt safe and sound in each other's presence. It had also pleased him to know, that even at a young age, he had already ingrained in them a deep-rooted need to protect one another above all else.

It had been a very long time since Master Splinter had seen such a genuinely charming demonstration from his teenage sons. Now that the boys were older and not as innocent, such tender moments were few and far between. So when these rare moments did occur, the displays of affection would never fail to bring a smile to his much older face. At least not up until now. Just thinking about the reason that his sons were curled up together on the couch made smiling an impossibility. His boys were waiting for an update on their injured brother. Their injured brother who was presently lying in the infirmary fighting for his life.

Master Splinter dreaded having to tell his sons that their brother's condition was much worse than he had originally thought.

The wise old rat peered down at his three sleeping sons and his head was flooded with a tidal wave of mixed emotions that nearly capsized him. Mostly, he was overwhelmed by his intense fear for Donatello's life, but another part of him felt anger over what had transpired this fateful evening. Then, there was a part of him that was frustrated with his two oldest sons for clearly defying his distinct orders to go straight to bed after cleaning up.

He shook his head from side to side, internalizing a growl, so as not to wake his children.

He supposed it was a very small consolation that they had at least listened to the part about cleaning themselves up, but the fact that they had returned to the main room after cleansing, rather than going to their rooms, showed blatant disregard for his authority. On the other hand, he felt a humbling sense of pride that his two sons had the courage to stand up for what they believed in. They were willing to risk being punished for going against their master's direct orders, because their love for their brother was far stronger than their fear of being reprimanded for insubordination.

Master Splinter's feelings on the matter were that of a double-edged sword and his many conflicting emotions were making it a challenge to keep his thoughts straight. He closed his eyes for a moment and pulled in a deep, purifying breath, attempting to clear his mind of the disarray that was clouding it. He had to stop these sentiments from seizing control of him. His second youngest son could not afford for him to lose his focus right now.

 _My poor Donatello_ . . .

Master Splinter turned back towards the laboratory and headed for the door that led to his ailing son, leaving his three healthy children to get some rest. He knew that they would all need to keep their strength up for the difficult road that lie ahead. Donatello's life was hanging in the balance and he would require around-the-clock supervision until his condition significantly improved. In fact, the only reason that Master Splinter had left the infirmary for the moment was because of the promise he had made to his two oldest sons. Now that he had finished his initial ministrations, he felt obligated to update his sons on their brother's condition, but seeing them passed out on the couch quickly changed his mind. He decided it would be best to return to his second youngest son's side so that he could keep an eye on his vital signs in the event that something changed. As Donatello's father and sensei, it was Master Splinter's duty to protect and care for his grievously injured child. And until his precious son was better, this was his _only_ duty.

Without so much as a sound, he continued to move towards the laboratory. Unfortunately, his plans to return to the infirmary unnoticed so his sons could get some sleep were soon thwarted.

Again, he internalized a growl.

While Master Splinter's well-honed ninja skills had allowed him to move in total silence, the laboratory doors were not quite as stealthy. When he slid open the doors of Donatello's laboratory, they emitted a creak loud enough to rouse Leonardo. Before Master Splinter could spin around to shush his oldest son, Leonardo had already woken up Raphael, who then elbowed Michelangelo until he, too, was awake.

The three groggy turtles sat up and quickly rubbed the sleep out of their eyes so that they could anxiously stare up at their father.

"Sensei, how is he?" Leonardo was the first to ask the question that was on all of their minds. His voice came out raspier than normal, presumably because he had just woken up, or perhaps because he was so upset.

Master Splinter gazed down at his three sons and saw the distress written on their faces. With much sadness, he lowered his ears and let out a deplorable sigh before responding.

"Your brother's condition is very critical at this point and his chance of survival is unknown. I have done all that I can for him, but I fear . . . I fear that it may not be enough." Master Splinter desperately tried to keep his emotions in check as he spoke, but his grief still managed to come through. He did not want to frighten his sons with the grimness of the situation, but at the same time, it would be wrong to fill them with false hope. As much as it pained him, he thought it better to prepare them for the worst in the awful event that the worst should come to pass.

The trouble was, if the worst were to occur, Master Splinter was quite certain he was not prepared to deal with it himself. He could not bear the thought of losing one of his sons, so how would he be able to help his remaining sons cope with such a tremendous loss if it were to come to that?

The look of sorrow on their father's face was enough to make all three turtles want to cry. That look could only mean that their brother's prognosis was not good.

"No! It has to be enough! Donnie has to be okay!" Mikey whined, looking to his older brothers for reassurance, but he found none. For once, they looked even more distraught than he did.

"B - But what about the Healing Hands? Can't they fix him?"

"I am sorry, Michelangelo, but the Healing Hands can only do so much. Your brother's wounds are many and he lost a great deal of blood. To make matters worse, his immune system was already compromised, leaving him extremely weak and susceptible to infection. The fever-reducing medication we gave him still has not brought his temperature down. While a fever, in of itself, is not inherently dangerous, the infection raging through your brother's body could potentially be fatal," Master Splinter explained, trying to be as gentle yet as honest as possible.

The word 'fatal' fell upon the turtles like a guillotine blade, plummeting down without clemency. All three brothers peered up at their sensei with wide, childlike eyes. They were hoping that their father would offer them words of hope and comfort, not these appalling words of gloom and death.

Master Splinter watched on in misery as the color fled from his sons' cheeks. In many ways, his four boys were still so incredibly naïve, clinging to the blind belief that nothing could ever separate them. Foolishly thinking that because they were family and protected one another, they were invincible. He wished that were indeed true. He wished that he could shelter his children from the cruel harshness of reality. He wished more than anything that he could stand there and tell them that their brother was going to be just fine and that all was going to be right with the world. Tell them exactly what they all wanted to hear, but alas, he could not . . .

"And his shoulder? Were you able to treat it so it doesn't get infected?" Leonardo asked, barely above a whisper, but the hurt in his voice was still evident.

"Your brother's captors attempted to cauterize the stab wound, but they did a poor job of it. I have cleaned the wound out thoroughly, however, the damage done to your brother's shoulder was quite extensive. There was damage to the muscles, tendons, tissue, and bones. I repaired it as best I could, but there is a strong chance that he will never regain full use of his arm, just as there is a possibility that his broken leg may never fully heal."

In both shock and horror, Michelangelo slapped a hand over his mouth and let out a weird bleating sound. Leonardo and Raphael just shook their heads in denial.

"Are you . . . are you trying to tell us that Donnie will never be able to fight again?" Raphael asked in disbelief, hoping against hope that he had heard his father wrong.

Master Splinter shot Raphael a look that was startlingly hostile.

"Raphael, is that what you have taken from all of this? Have you not listened to a word that I have said?"

Obviously, Raphael had struck a serious nerve with his comments, for never before had the brothers heard their father's voice sound so bitter and unforgiving. As he continued on with his rant, the three turtles couldn't help but to shrink in their shells.

"Your brother is fighting even as we speak! He is fighting for his life with every last bit of strength that he has left! Your brother is on the brink of death and you dare to ask me if he will be able to fight again? Whether or not Donatello is ever able to stand beside you in battle is the least of my worries right now!"

Hearing his father actually say that Donnie was on the brink of death was what ultimately pushed Michelangelo over the edge into a full-fledged meltdown. He instinctively crawled towards Leonardo and curled up against him, burying his face into his oldest brother's plastron as he started to cry uncontrollably yet again.

Listening to Michelangelo's sobs of agony instantly filled both Raphael and Master Splinter with regret over what they had said.

"I – I'm sorry, Sensei. It was a s – stupid thing to ask," Raphael softly sputtered out, uncharacteristically swallowing his pride.

"No, it is I who should be sorry, my sons. I should not have let my temper take hold of me like that. Please forgive me for my actions."

Master Splinter approached Michelangelo and gently rested his paw on the back of his youngest son's head.

"Donnie . . . h – he's gonna be all right, isn't he?" Michelangelo sniffled as he pulled his head away from Leonardo so he could gaze up at his father with his big, weepy eyes.

Master Splinter crouched down and cupped his paws around Michelangelo's freckled face, looking at his son with an affectionate expression. He did not want to frighten his youngest child with any additional details about Donatello's condition. He was sure that his most emotional son would not be able to handle the rest. He could plainly see that poor Michelangelo was already stressed beyond his limits.

"I do not know, Michelangelo. It is too soon to tell. But what I do know is that your brother is much stronger than we all give him credit for. If there is a way for him to come back to us, he will find it. I have never known your brother to give up on anything," Master Splinter reassured his youngest son.

While the soothing words uttered by their father may have been enough to appease Michelangelo's mind, they brought no comfort to Leonardo. His father's words instead made him think back to the dampened look on Donnie's face just before he had grabbed onto Tiger Claw's shock gun. It had been the very same sorrowful expression that had fallen upon Donnie's face after Leo had struck him. It had been a look of utter hopelessness, revealing just how lost and morally defeated the genius turtle had truly been feeling inside.

A wave of tears threatened to fall as Leonardo thought about the fragile emotional state that Donatello had been in when he had last seen him awake. Because of what Leo and Raph had said and done the past few days, their brilliant little brother had sunk into a deep despair and had lost sight of his own worth. To the point that he had thought so little of himself, he had been willing to hand himself over to the Shredder to save his brothers. He had felt so depressed, he had been willing to sacrifice himself in order to spare Leonardo's life. All because his own big brothers had made him feel as though he was the most expendable one.

Leo's chest tightened around his heavy heart.

Master Splinter had just said that if there was a way for Donatello to come back to them, he would find it, but Leonardo didn't feel so confident about that. After all that had happened, the turtle in blue wasn't convinced that his most intelligent brother would _want_ to come back to them, and that thought scared him half to death. He had already experienced what it had felt like to lose Donnie once. He was sure that he could not go through that again.

 _Not ever . . ._

Turning his head away from his family, Leonardo silently cursed himself. If he would have just taken the time to notice the torment and the tension that his little brother was going through, he could have prevented all of this. If he would have just stopped trying to solve all the world's problems for a split-second and actually taken a close look at Donnie, he would have seen the exhaustion and sadness that dimmed his brother's eyes. He should have noticed that his brother wasn't sleeping, eating, or feeling well. He should have done something when he first suspected that Donnie had a fever. He had seen how pale his little brother was, but he had chosen to blow it off because he was too preoccupied with his own agenda. He instead put more pressure on his already overworked and run-down sibling. He had failed Donatello not just as a leader, but as a brother as well. He had put his own selfish needs first and not paid attention to the fact that his genius brother was falling apart and desperately needed their help. As if that wasn't horrible enough, Leonardo had struck Donnie in anger when his little brother was at his most vulnerable and already feeling hopeless and dejected. When his little brother had needed his best, he had given him his worst . . .

Sealing his droopy eyelids shut for a moment, Leonardo barely managed to choke back a sob that had slithered its way up to his throat. His resolve was starting to grind to a halt and he suddenly found it a grueling struggle just to maintain his composure.

"Father . . . is there anything we can do to help him?" As Leonardo posed his question, his voice cracked against his will, exposing his torment. Inside, he was screaming at himself for not asking that all-important question up until now. Why had he waited until Donatello was near death to offer his support? He kept asking himself over and over again why he hadn't recognized that his genius brother needed help before it had come to this.

"Of course, my son. Until Donatello's condition improves, one of us will need to stay with him at all times. In the event that he wakes up, I do not wish for him to be alone in the room." Master Splinter winced over the fact that he had already broken rule number one by leaving his wounded son unattended in the infirmary even as they spoke. The word hypocrite came to mind.

"I believe it would be best if we take shifts so that we all stay rested and vigilant. We will need to constantly check his vital signs, tend to his wounds, administer him medications, keep him clean and comfortable, and make sure that he does not do anything to injure himself." The list went on and on, but Master Splinter chose to mention just a few of the items so as not to overwhelm his young sons with how daunting the task would be to care for Donatello.

The three brothers nodded enthusiastically, showing their eagerness to help in any way.

"I can take the first shift, Sensei!" Leonardo quickly volunteered. Master Splinter could see looks of disappointment on his other two sons' faces when his oldest son had beat them to the punch. They, too, had clearly wanted to volunteer for the first shift. It lifted Master Splinter's weary spirit to see his three sons' devotion for their fallen brother.

"Thank you, Leonardo." Master Splinter rested his hand on his oldest son's shoulder, hoping the simple gesture conveyed his genuine appreciation for his son's willingness to help. As Leonardo looked up at him, Master Splinter could see the obvious hurt in his child's eyes, telling him that his eldest son was assuming sole responsibility for all that had happened, just as his son typically tended to do whenever something went wrong. Self-blame was something that Leonardo had always been guilty of, even before taking command of the team. His son's readiness to accept accountability was one of the many qualities that Master Splinter had believed would make Leonardo the most fit to be leader. Either that or it made him the most qualified to suffer a nervous breakdown . . .

"It's the least that I can do, Sensei," Leonardo replied reverently, bowing his head.

All at once, an awkward hush fell over the room, and suddenly, the faint sound of a heart monitor could be heard, making the three brothers' muscles go rigid.

Upon seeing looks of panic spread across his sons' faces, Master Splinter began to speak once again, hoping to drown out the background noise drifting out of Donatello's laboratory.

"My sons, I deeply regret now, more than ever, that I do not possess the medical expertise that Donatello has acquired. It saddens me that I cannot provide your brother with the same exceptional care that he has provided us with for so very long. He deserves far better care than what I am capable of," Master Splinter said with a profound sense of remorse, but then, rather unexpectedly, his tone brightened as he continued. "However, having watched your brother treat you three countless times, I believe this old rat has picked up a few techniques that even Donatello would be proud of."

There was a peculiar glimmer in Master Splinter's eyes that surprised all three of his sons. Especially given the current dismal circumstances. They couldn't be absolutely certain, but they were fairly sure that their father was actually bragging. They wondered what had happened to his stance on the importance of exercising modesty.

The truth was, Master Splinter was indeed impressed with himself . . .

Up until the past few years, Master Splinter had been the acting family practitioner. He had worked mostly with medicinal herbs, traditional remedies, and healing mantras when tending to his sons, but as his children grew older, so, too, grew their need for more advanced forms of medical treatment. As their encounters with the enemy increased in number, it became more and more evident that his outdated methods were no longer enough to protect his family. Donatello recognized a need and he quickly set about studying medicine in his spare time, diligently burning the candle at both ends to fill that need. It did not take long for Master Splinter's most knowledgeable son to surpass his own rather meager medical skills and Donatello was soon appointed the designated family medic. Out of what he assumed was either respect or pity, Master Splinter was still allowed to occasionally practice what his sons referred to as "old school" remedies. However, when more serious medical treatment became necessary, it was Donatello who generally provided it, due to his grasp of modern medicine. That is, unless he was the one who was incapacitated, such as now . . .

Luckily, Master Splinter had spent a good deal of time observing Donatello's methods, and tonight, he realized just how much he had learned from his most intellectual son. It turned out that Splinter wasn't completely "old school" after all. He had used his experience and the skills that he had garnered from Donatello to do everything in his power to save his second youngest child.

"I have set up the infusion stand and inserted a cannula into your brother's arm so that we can continue to administer a heavy dose of antibiotics. Donatello will also need to be given fluids and nutrients intravenously until he can eat solid food again. Your brother lost a great deal of blood, so I had to give him a transfusion. Fortunately, Donatello is always prepared and he had a fresh supply of blood on hand. I have hooked him up to the heart monitor and to an oxygen mask to assist with his breathing. As for his shoulder, we will need to debride and irrigate the openings of the wound with sterile water or a saline solution in order to keep it clean and prevent infection."

All three turtles thought it was rather strange listening to Master Splinter sound more like their genius brother than himself, but at least someone seemed to know what to do in Donnie's stead.

While the brothers sat there listening to 'Splintatello' reel off the numerous things that needed to be done, they wondered if they should have been taking notes. Master Splinter's to-do list was growing so lengthy, it was getting to be a challenge to keep track of it all. They finally had gained a better understanding of why their brainy brother jotted everything down in journals all the time. If this was the sort of stuff that was constantly running through Donnie's head – and they were pretty sure it was – there was no way he would be able to stay on top of it all without putting some of it down on paper.

Feeling slightly embarrassed by his lack of medical wisdom and the fact that he hadn't understood half of the things that Master Splinter had just said, Michelangelo scrunched up his face and scratched his head, much like he did when Donnie was spouting off those ginormous, confusing words he liked to use. The youngest turtle wasn't real positive what an infusion stand was, nor did he know exactly what intravenously meant. Then, Sensei had said something about a cannula. If Mikey had to guess what that was, he would have said it was some kind of a boat, but that obviously wasn't right, because Master Splinter had said he had inserted it into Donnie's arm. Oh, and Mikey was pretty darn sure he didn't even want to know what the heck debride meant. That sounded like something he totally didn't want to be any part of.

All of this information was making Mikey's head feel like someone was hammering down on it with a tonfa. Tired, overwhelmed, and just plain miserable, the youngest turtle couldn't take it anymore.

"So, can we see him now?" Michelangelo asked rather bluntly.

Master Splinter looked as though he had been stunned by the question, or perhaps he was just amazed that no one had bothered to ask him that sooner.

"Yes . . . Yes, of course you may. Please go on without us, Michelangelo. We will join you in a moment. I would like to have a quick word with Leonardo and Raphael."

Normally, Michelangelo would have objected to being intentionally excluded from a conversation, but in this case, he was willing to overlook it. He just wanted to see Donnie.

Once his youngest child was out of hearing range, Master Splinter stared down at his two oldest sons with an impossible to read expression. His reddish-brown eyes were much duller than they had been only seconds before.

"Wh – What is it, Sensei?" Raphael asked, sounding much more desperate than he had intended to. Maybe that was because he felt as though the stress was about to rip him apart.

"I did not want to tell you this in front of Michelangelo, because I do not think he is ready to hear it yet."

Leonardo was perplexed by this statement. His father had just basically told Michelangelo that Donatello was on the verge of death.

 _What could possibly be worse than that?_

The thought sent a bone-chilling shiver up and down Leonardo's spine.

"I am greatly troubled by the heavy congestion in Donatello's chest. I believe your brother may have an infection in his lungs, however, there is heavy bruising and swelling along his plastron that makes me suspect that he may have several cracked or broken ribs. If the bones are in fact broken, it is possible that his lungs were damaged. And if his ribs have punctured a lung, his lung will collapse and we . . . we will lose him." His voice had nearly failed him, but somehow, Master Splinter had managed to get the words out.

Leonardo and Raphael stared up at their father with tear-filled eyes, both unable to put words to their grief. They were still trying to process what their father had just told them.

" _And if his ribs have punctured a lung, his lung will collapse and we . . . we will lose him."_

It was no wonder why their sensei did not want to speak of this in front of Michelangelo. He was trying to protect his youngest son from hearing the fatal diagnosis, but what Master Splinter didn't know was that if Donatello died from a punctured lung, Michelangelo would never be able to forgive himself. Not knowing that he had been the one who had repeatedly slammed his fists down into Donnie's chest in order to get his heart to start beating again. There was no doubt that the youngest member of the family would blame himself for Donnie's death.

Truth be told, Leonardo was already busy blaming himself. He knew that he had done just as much damage to Donnie's ribs as Mikey had, if not more. He had given Donnie hundreds of chest compressions while hysterically trying to revive him. He was pushing down so hard on his little brother's lifeless plastron, he could have easily broken all of his ribs.

Could fate be so cruel as to let Donatello die from the very thing that had saved him?

Just when Leo thought that he couldn't possibly feel any worse about what he had done to Donnie, he once again descended to an all new low.

"I am afraid there is more," Master Splinter moaned, knowing his sons probably hated the sound of his voice right about now.

 _More? How can there possibly be more?_ Leo mentally groaned as his stomach curdled with dread. It felt as if darkness was swallowing him whole.

Raphael just shook his head, not sure how else to react.

"I am also concerned about the potential damage to Donatello's brain. Your brother was still recovering from two previous head injuries and it is obvious that there is additional trauma to his head. You also informed me that he was without oxygen for an unknown period of time." Master Splinter shifted his eyes towards the laboratory for a moment, and then, returned his gaze to his two oldest sons. "We must take solace in the fact that his pupils are still reacting to light and that he still shows signs of brain activity, which means there is a chance that he may fully recover. But there is also a chance that he may not. I am afraid there is no way to tell at this point just how much damage the repeated blows to his head and the oxygen deprivation may have done. If Donatello does wake up, there is a possibility that . . . he may not be the same."

The word 'if' pierced the two oldest turtles' hearts like an arrow, but the wound did not go nearly as deep as the one the words 'he may not be the same' had made.

 _Of course he wasn't going to be the same. None of us are ever going to be the same after this,_ Leonardo thought to himself _._

Now, it was Leonardo's turn to shake his head as he sorrowfully stared down at the cold tile floor beneath his feet. He couldn't bear the thought of his genius little brother going through the rest of his life with permanent brain damage. It just wouldn't be fair if the smartest one of them all was the one to suffer a severe, life-changing brain injury. Donnie didn't deserve this. Leo's quiet, gentle, good-natured brother didn't deserve any of this. Leonardo would have given anything to take his brother's place in the infirmary right now. He would have gladly given his own life to spare Donnie any more pain.

It was clear to Master Splinter that Leonardo and Raphael were near their breaking point. Both of them looked as though they could not possibly take any more bad news.

Splinter softened his tone to a near whisper. "I have done all that I can for him at this time. Now, we must wait and have faith in Donatello's strength and determination to get better."

Again, Leonardo cursed himself. What strength and determination would Donatello have left after all that had happened? After all that Leo had done to him?

"I think it would be best if we join your younger brothers in the infirmary now. Donatello's condition is extremely critical and we should be there for him," Master Splinter said gently, his voice taking on an almost dreamlike quality.

Brushing their tears away, Leonardo and Raphael nodded as they slowly rose to their shaky feet. They then trudged up the stairs to the laboratory, hanging their heads down as they went. Though Master Splinter had not actually said so in words, his tone gave the two oldest turtles the impression that their father was suggesting they should say their final goodbyes to their beloved brother . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Oh so much sadness. This was yet another emotional chapter to write and edit. *sniffle***_

 _ **Just so everyone knows in advance, I will not be posting an update for 'LITF' next week. Sorry, but I need to get some serious holiday shopping done. o|=D (that's supposed to be Santa Claus! XD). I will let you know that the next chapter is one of my favorite ones in the whole story!**_

 _ **Once again, if you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please take a moment to favorite, follow, and/or review. I would love to know if you like it. Thank you for reading. I wish you all a wonderful day and happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating the holiday! ;) CJ**_

 _ ***Special note: Thank you to everyone who read/favorited/followed/reviewed my new 'TMNT Shell Shot' ('Together Again') this week. I really, really appreciate it! =}**_


	19. Chapter 19 - Leo's Lullaby

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 19 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and this one features the first of several flashbacks in the story. As I said in my author's notes for chapter 18, this is one of my very favorite chapters, so I really hope that you like it, too. Please let me know if you do.**_

 _ **As always, thank you to everyone who has read, favorited, followed, and reviewed 'LITF.' Your kindness is very much appreciated and never fails to make me smile. If you are enjoying this story, please continue to favorite/follow/review. I would LOVE to know if you like it. Thank you all very much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 19 – Leo's Lullaby**

If not for his racked nerves and his sworn commitment and moral sense of duty to watch over his wounded brother, the monotonous beeping of the heart monitor would have most likely lulled Leonardo to sleep by now. Raphael and Michelangelo had been begrudgingly dragged off to bed several hours ago, once Master Splinter had upgraded Donatello's condition to slightly less critical.

Thanks to the aid of medication and ice packs, Donnie's fever had come down some, although it was still up over a hundred degrees. Subsequently, his heart rate had leveled off at a more acceptable level, much to their relief. Plus, Master Splinter was feeling more and more confident that the lungs were not punctured, which was making them all breathe a little easier. Well, all except for Donatello . . .

Despite the fact that Donatello was still mostly unconscious, he had suffered from several painful to witness coughing fits during the past few hours. While it was horrific to watch him go through such agony whenever he coughed, there was no sign of blood in the sputum produced by his hacking bouts. Though they normally would have thought it gross to be examining wads of phlegm, right now, the gunk from Donnie's chest was granting them some hope. The greenish-yellowish mucus that the injured turtle had been coughing up was leading Master Splinter to believe that the contributing cause of the excessive chest congestion hindering Donatello's breathing was some form of pneumonia, and not a collapsed lung as he had feared. Sensei had also claimed that this would explain why Donatello had been feverish before leaving the lair. Of course, it wasn't a good thing that Donnie had pneumonia, as an infection of the lungs could be potentially lethal. Especially given his weakened condition . . . But pneumonia was at least treatable and wasn't the automatic death sentence that the punctured lung would have been.

Leonardo sighed, staring down at his frail little brother who was lying on the cot stationed in the infirmary. Donnie looked so different without his purple mask on. It made him look far more fragile and vulnerable. The oldest turtle was almost too afraid to touch his broken brother, for fear that he might hurt him more than he already had.

Shaking his head in disgust, Leo once again admonished himself for his sins.

 _How could I possibly hurt him anymore?_

Donnie had been resting peacefully for a good half hour now. His labored, ugly-sounding breathing was the only noise he was currently making, as opposed to earlier, when he was hacking or hoarsely moaning and whimpering in his sleep. Leo just hoped that the respite would last, because he couldn't stand hearing and seeing his younger brother in so much pain. It was sheer torture for the oldest turtle to watch, knowing that he was responsible for all of this.

Using a damp washcloth, Leonardo gently dabbed away the rivulets of sweat that had accrued along his brother's brow. As he continued to swab Donatello's forehead, Leo glanced down at the oxygen mask pulled snugly over his little brother's face and grimaced over how uncomfortable it looked. One side of the mask was pushing against Donatello's badly swollen eye and the sight made the older turtle want to rip the device off, but he knew that it was doing his brother more good than harm at this point, providing him with the precious oxygen that he was struggling to take into his obstructed lungs.

Leo stooped over his brother and attempted to loosen the elastic strap holding the oxygen mask in place, just trying to create a little slack for the facial swelling. Underneath the clear, plastic mask, Leo could see that Donnie's bruised mouth was partly ajar, revealing the gap in his top teeth. Seeing that space in his little brother's upper teeth had always brought Leonardo comfort, but now, it just made him want to cry.

The oldest turtle continued to gaze down at his little brother's battered body, shuddering at the gut-wrenching view. There was more red, black and blue skin than there was green. For some reason, Leo had thought that once Donnie was cleaned up and his injuries were properly treated, he would look better, but it had somehow made him look even worse. All of the angry wounds on his brother's body stood out against his washed skin. The surplus of contusions, ligature marks, lacerations, punctures, bumps, welts, and burns that weren't covered in bandages were now much easier to see, but not so easy to look at. In addition to the nasty bruising and discoloration on Donnie's face, leg, and plastron, Leo could now see that there was heavy bruising and multiple claw marks around Donnie's neck and along his jawline, indicating that he had been grabbed by the throat and/or choked, possibly numerous times. Just the thought made Leonardo physically ill and he found himself regretting not killing Tiger Claw when he had had the chance.

Leaning in closer to his brother, Leonardo carefully lifted Donatello's burned hand and held it in his own, in hopes of passing off some of his strength onto his weakened sibling. Leo would have held onto Donnie's unburned hand, but it was taped securely to the wounded turtle's chest so as to ensure that he would not further injure his shoulder. Donnie's arm that wasn't fastened to his plastron was swathed in bandages all the way up to his elbow, covering the burn marks on his palm, the open sores on his wrist from where the shackles had torn his skin apart, and the freshly reopened gash across his forearm where the Foot Soldier had struck him with his naginata blade several nights ago.

Leo used his free hand to warmly stroke the top of his little brother's head, the way he used to do whenever Donnie was sick when they were kids, which was far more times than the older turtle cared to remember. From the time that they had hatched, poor Donnie had been the least healthy of the four brothers, always struggling to fight off infections. Especially during the frigid winter months . . . He was by far and away the most prone to getting sick, and whenever he did come down with something, it would hit him hard. Donnie's immune system had never done its job very well and living in the sewers certainly did not help his cause any, nor did his tendency to forgo eating and sleeping on a regular basis.

It was just another reason for the oldest turtle to be frazzled beyond belief. The memory of the last time that his second youngest brother had fallen ill was still vivid in Leonardo's mind . . .

* * *

 _The high-pitched squeak of the laboratory doors was practically unnoticeable when everyone was awake. The sound was generally drowned out by the day-to-day hustle and bustle about the lair, but at night, when everyone was stowed away in their rooms, the creak produced by the sliding doors cut through the silence like a well-sharpened blade._

 _The noise eliminated any chance of entering the laboratory undetected, acting like an improvisational built-in security alarm._

" _Before you say it, it's already on my to-do list," was spoken by a quiet, exasperated voice from inside of the laboratory._

" _Say what?"_

" _That I need to grease the tracks on the lab doors."_

" _That's not what I was gonna say! Donnie, it's two o'clock in the morning! What are you doing down here?"_

 _Leonardo's voice somehow conveyed a perfectly balanced blend of both reproach and concern as he moved towards Donatello, stopping on the opposite side of the desk that the genius turtle was sitting at. Leo then placed his hands, palm side down, on the desktop so that he could hover over his little brother. The look on Leo's face provided more clarification than his tone had. His expression clearly demonstrated that he was leaning more towards the reproachful side than he was the concerned side. His brow was creased with obvious frustration and Donatello could see the veins on the sides of Leo's head bulging out._

 _Firmly pressing a thumb and forefinger into his aching eye sockets, Donatello attempted to consolidate his rampant thoughts into some semblance of order. The late hour – or early depending on one's perspective – would explain why his brain wasn't functioning as well as it ought to be. Apparently, some of his brain centers had closed shop for the night, leaving him without a witty response to his oldest brother's question._

" _Donatello, I told you to go to bed hours ago!" Leonardo barked out tersely, folding his arms across his plastron to better show his disapproval as well as his increasingly bad mood. The utilization of his younger brother's full name this early in the conversation revealed that Leo was a force not to be reckoned with right about now._

" _Well, would you look at that? I guess I . . . uh . . . sort of lost track of the time." As Donnie spoke, he looked down at an imaginary watch on his wrist and tapped it for added effect. He then recoiled behind his computer monitor, acting as though he was working on something, when in all actuality, he was really just trying to shield himself from his oldest brother's suspicious stare. Leonardo's mouth soon gravitated into a scowl that told the brainy turtle that his feeble attempt at an excuse had failed._

 _A nervous chuckle slipped out of Donatello's throat which triggered an unanticipated coughing fit. The genius turtle quickly covered his mouth with both of his hands, not just to prevent the unwanted spread of germs, but also, to muffle the telltale cough reflex before Leo noticed. In all truth, he couldn't have drawn any more attention to his coughing spell if he had tried._

 _Leo indignantly arched an eye ridge._

" _Just a headache, huh?"_

 _Donnie winced at the question, knowing that he had just been caught in a double lie. He then glared down at his chest as though it had committed an act of treason._

 _In the meantime, Leonardo shook his head from side to side. He knew full well that if Donnie had followed his very explicit instructions to go straight to bed after shutting down everything in the lab, his brother in purple couldn't have possibly let several hours just get away from him. Genius or not, there was no way his younger brother was going to be able to convince him that it had taken him that long to shut down the minimal equipment that had been left on when they had gone out on patrol earlier in the evening. The only one under the roof of the sewers that Donnie may have gotten to fall for that sham would have been Mikey, and Leo certainly didn't need to remind his brainy brother that his leg was a lot harder to pull than the youngest turtle's._

 _It was bad enough that his little brother had lied to him about losing track of the time, but now, Leo knew that Donnie had also lied to him when he had said that he wasn't sick. The painful-sounding cough that had just slipped out of Donnie's chest against his will had served as proof that he was suffering from more than just a headache, as he had previously claimed._

" _Heh, heh . . . the air's a little dry in here tonight, don't you think?" Donnie asked nervously and he gruffly cleared his throat while tugging at the top of his plastron as though it was a restrictive shirt collar._

 _Leonardo's arms were still crossed in front of him, only now, he was impatiently drumming his fingers on his bulging biceps. His head was cocked to the side as he narrowed one eye skeptically._

 _Rubbing the back of his neck, Donnie leaned heavily against his blue task chair as he awaited his imminent talking-to._

" _Do you honestly take me for an idiot?" The question came out surprisingly calm and flat considering the content, but Leo's stern features told another story._

" _W-what? N – no, of course not!" Donnie suddenly shifted from a dog-tired slouch to a rigid, bolt upright position in his seat. His reddish-brown eyes went about as wide as they could possibly go as he timidly stammered, "I - I'm fine, Leo. Really. It's – It's just a headache and a little bit of a sore throat."_

" _No, Donatello, you are not fine!" Again came the use of the genius turtle's full name. This time, Leo's tone was much sharper than before and it made the younger sibling flinch._

" _What happened to you tonight doesn't happen to someone who's just fine! You collapsed out there, Donnie! If not for Raph's quick reflexes, you would've split your head wide open on that roof vent when you fell down!" To add extra emphasis to what he had just said, Leonardo planted his hands on his hips and struck one of those heroic poses that Raphael always poked fun at him for._

" _I . . . I just got dizzy is all," Donnie explained, letting his posture wilt along with his spirits while his weary gaze shifted down to his lap._

 _There was no doubt in Leo's mind that his brother was purposely avoiding eye contact with him._

" _You passed out, Donnie! What if Raph wouldn't have caught you? Huh? What if that would've happened when you were just about to jump from roof to roof? Or what if that would've happened while we were fighting with the enemy?" As Leo posed his questions, his voice fell to a whisper without his consent. He was all too aware that his hands were starting to tremble. In the face of what had happened that night, he found his self-control faltering._

" _I'm sorry, Leo." Donnie breathed out the words as he watched his oldest brother step around his desk and come to halt about a foot away from where he was sitting. The genius turtle then peered up at Leo with innocent, apologetic eyes and the turtle in blue instantly felt his heart start to melt._

" _Donnie, it's my responsibility to protect you. I know that you don't want anyone worrying about you, but I already am. You're sick, even if you won't admit it. Could you please just let me help you for once? I don't think I could deal with having another brother who refuses to do anything I say. One's more than enough." With that said, Leo's expression turned to that of dejection._

" _He isn't home yet, is he?"_

" _Wh – What?" Leo choked out, taken aback by the suddenness of the subject change._

" _Raph . . . he isn't home yet. That's the real reason why you're still awake." While Donnie showed off his astonishing powers of deduction, yet again, he pushed his chair away from his desk so that he could turn towards Leo and give his big brother his undivided attention._

 _The oldest turtle shakily leaned his weight against Donnie's workstation, curling his fingers around the front edge of the desk, as though he was holding on for dear life._

 _No, Raphael was not home yet and it was starting to scare Leo out of his shell. While they had been out on patrol, he and Raph had gotten into another heated argument and the hothead had stomped off in a huff. Several hours had passed since the fight and his temperamental brother still hadn't returned to the lair._

 _Leo let out a long-drawn-out sigh, sounding as if he had sprung a slow leak._

 _Raph was missing, Donnie was sick, and Leo was a wreck. Here it was, two o'clock in the morning, and Mikey was the only brother in bed getting a good night's sleep._

" _Maybe he's right. Maybe I am working everyone too hard lately. Maybe my pushing you guys all the time is the reason you got sick," Leo said miserably, pressing a hand against his forehead and dragging it down the side of his face in frustration._

" _Okay, for starters, you can stop saying that I'm sick. And even if I was sick – which I'm not saying I am – it certainly wouldn't be your fault. Yes, you've been pushing us a little harder than normal, but we all know that our enemies are getting more powerful and more dangerous. You're our leader, Leo, and you're only trying to protect us and prepare us to better defend ourselves. After all, when the going gets tough, the tough increase the training regimen, right?" Donnie paused to twist his lips into a small smirk before continuing. "But you're not stretching us beyond our limits by any means, Leo. We just need to learn how to go to bed at a halfway decent hour and stop being pains in your shell. I don't know if you've noticed this, but Raph and I . . . well, we're a little stubborn." Donatello had tried his darnedest to pretend to be serious when he had said that last line, but he couldn't stop a small giggle from slipping out. He was well aware that he was overstating the obvious._

 _A smirk – not unlike the one his genius brother had just made – spread across Leo's face and he raised one eye ridge sarcastically._

" _Okay, okay . . . we're a lot stubborn. Sheesh," Donnie said in a teasing manner and his face then lit up with a gap-toothed grin._

" _Yeah, and that blind stubbornness you both seem to suffer from is the reason you're still down here in your lab when you should be in bed and the reason why Raph's still missing." There was a slight growl in Leo's words, but his concern for his little brothers was almost palpable._

" _Leo, he's just out sulking somewhere, blowing off some of that pent-up Raph rage. You have to let him do that every once in a while or he's liable to snap and end up killing one or all of us. We all know from experience that you can't keep Raph cooped up in the lair for too long or he starts to feel like he's suffocating." It sounded as though Donnie had just likened his red-banded brother to some caged wild animal shell-bent on escape. In all actuality, to say that Raph was the equivalent of a feral beast forced into captivity would be rather accurate. Donnie loved his immediate older brother dearly, but he couldn't deny that Raph was pretty much untamable, and for the most part, uncontrollable._

" _He'll be back before morning practice. He always is. And when he comes home, he'll be in a funk for a few days . . . and he'll grumble and growl slightly more than usual . . . and then, things will gradually go back to normal. Well . . . as normal as things can get around here." The genius turtle flashed his oldest brother a sly grin, knowing that there wasn't anything normal about a family of four human-sized ninja turtles and a giant talking rat._

" _Yeah, you're probably right."_

" _Of course I'm right," Donnie stated snidely with mock arrogance. "Who knows you guys better than me? I've always been able to read the three of you like a textbook. Raph's the rebellious, half-cocked muscle of the group, you're the cautious, fearless leader, and Mikey . . . he's the comic relief."_

" _So what does that make you?" Leo asked, returning his brother's sly grin._

 _Just like that, the blue-masked ninja's mood suddenly lifted and his breathing became easier. Talking to Donnie always seemed to have a calming effect on him. Leonardo looked down at his genius little brother and wondered how it was possible that Donnie always seemed to know just what to say to make him feel better. He would have told his younger brother how truly proud he was of him, but the oldest turtle was afraid of how totally lame that would sound, so he opted to keep his thoughts to himself._

" _Me?" Donnie furrowed his forehead in thought for a moment or two. "Oh, I don't know. I guess I'm just the one who speaks softly and carries a big stick."_

 _The words had no sooner left the genius turtle's mouth when his older brother fired off his emphatic reply._

" _You do a lot more than that, Donnie." Leonardo narrowed his sapphire blue gaze on his little brother's glassy pools of reddish-brown and an earnest expression settled over the leader's features._

" _Nah . . . I'm just the one who occasionally fixes things around the lair."_

" _Yeah, and I'm just one of the three bumbling brothers who help provide you with job security by breaking those things."_

 _Donnie attempted to laugh at Leo's comment, but his irritated chest objected to the effort and he broke out into a violent coughing fit instead. This one was much worse than the prior coughing fit. Leo could hear the rattle in his brother's chest and see the pain on his face as he practically hacked up a lung. The younger turtle slumped forward, leaning his elbows on his knees while his whole body started to shiver uncontrollably._

 _Frowning deeply, Leo reached out and put his hand over Donnie's forehead as his little brother waited for the coughing bout to subside._

" _Donnie, you've got a really high fever. Why didn't you say something?" Though he was half-tempted to scold his younger brother for his actions, Leo's voice came out laden with worry rather than scorn._

 _Once the coughing fit finally petered out, Donnie rubbed a hand against his chest, wincing slightly as he took air into his lungs once again. He could feel Leo's scrutinizing eyes boring into him and he slowly lifted his head to stare up at his older brother._

 _The glow of the computer screen played on Donnie's face and illuminated just how fatigued and miserable he really was._

 _Leo was quick to curse himself for not paying closer attention._

" _Leo . . . "_

 _Hearing Donnie groan out his name in a hoarse voice, the oldest turtle quickly crouched down beside his genius brother._

" _Yeah, Donnie?"_

" _I . . . I think I'm sick," Donnie wheezed pitiably and Leo felt his heart tighten at how childlike his younger brother suddenly sounded as he spoke._

" _That's it, Donnie. You're going to bed right now. Come on," Leo gently ordered while he helped his ailing brother up to his feet. The oldest turtle then wrapped an arm around Donnie's waist and his little brother immediately slumped against him as though he was incapable of holding himself up on his own._

 _Donnie started coughing again and Leo soon found that he was pretty much supporting all of his sibling's weight. His purple-clad brother was obviously much more ill than he had let on. Typical Donnie, trying not to worry anyone. He had always been a glutton for punishment._

 _Fortunately for Leonardo, Donatello was the lightest of his brothers, so the oldest turtle was able to help hold him up with relative ease._

" _I'm sorry, Leo," Donnie mumbled weakly. "I don't think I can make it up the stairs."_

 _The leader in blue couldn't help but to roll his eyes, knowing that the turtle who had just claimed that he couldn't 'make it up the stairs' was the very same turtle who had, only minutes ago, insisted that he wasn't sick . . ._

" _It's okay, Donnie. I'll help you," Leo soothed, carefully hoisting his brother up higher._

" _Will you stay with me until Raph gets home?"_

 _The frail way that Donnie had asked the question made the request impossible to refuse. His voice had been barely loud enough to hear._

" _Of course," Leo answered softly._

" _And will you sing me that lullaby I like? You know, the Japanese one that Sensei used to always sing to us whenever we were sick?"_

 _There was a small smile on Donnie's face that was difficult to read in the dimly lit lab. Leo wasn't sure if his little brother was being serious or comical at this point._

" _Okay, now you're really milking it. Believe me . . . you don't want me singing anything. You know I couldn't carry a tune if my life depended on it. But I am gonna stay in your room all night and make sure you don't attempt to sneak out of bed to go work on something. You need to rest, Donnie." Though Leo had spoken the words in his no-nonsense tone, there was tenderness behind them._

" _Not . . . necessary," Donnie panted as they started to make their way out of the lab._

" _You're not being given a say in the matter."_

 _Donatello groaned in response, but didn't offer up any further argument._

 _As silently as possible, the two brothers made their way towards the dormitory area, with the oldest turtle having to practically carry his younger sibling most of the way. Once inside of Donnie's room, Leo lowered his brother down onto his bed and wrapped his shivering body up in several blankets, tucking him in like he was a little kid again. Donnie instantly drifted off to sleep, apparently exhausted from the trip to his room, even though Leo had done the majority of the work._

 _The oldest turtle pulled up a chair and eased himself down onto it so that he could watch his genius brother as he slept._

 _Raph arrived home about a half an hour later, which brought a huge grin to Leo's face._

 _Donnie was right. Donnie was always right . . ._

 _Upon his return, Raph decided to check in on Donnie before calling it a night. The last time that he had seen his brainiac little brother, Donnie had just come to after passing out. Although Raph wouldn't admit it aloud, Donnie had scared him half to death when he had unexpectedly collapsed while they had been out on patrol. Raph had seen his brother's eyes roll up in his head, and then, the genius turtle had suddenly fallen forward. If Raph's reaction time had been just a few seconds slower, Donnie would have been seriously injured . . . or worse. Raph had been so freaked out by what had happened that he had lashed out at Leo without really thinking things through, as usual. It hadn't been Leo's fault, but Raph had just needed someone to blame. Instead of apologizing for his irrational behavior, like he probably should have, the temperamental turtle had stormed off to release some of his bottled-up frustration. It had been a knee-jerk reaction and Raph had soon regretted leaving his brothers behind to worry about him. He had also regretted taking out his frustrations on Leo, who had been just as concerned about Donnie as everyone else. Raph knew that he had been a real grade-A jerk. That was why he had stayed out so late. He was embarrassed by the way that he had acted and he really didn't want to face his big brother after what he had done. Still, he needed to get back to the lair. He had been worried sick about Donnie all night and he wanted to see if his little brother was okay._

 _Raphael quietly poked his head inside of Donnie's room where he found two out of his three brothers. His genius brother was fast asleep in his bed, softly snoring, and his older brother was stationed in a chair next to the bed, vigilantly keeping guard._

 _Leaving Donnie's door open just a crack, Raph quickly snuck into his own room and grabbed the stool from his drum set. He then returned to his younger brother's room and pushed the door open just wide enough so that he could enter. Trying not to wake his little brother, Raph ever-so gently set the stool next to Leo and sat down beside the fearless leader. Once seated, Raph leaned forward and gazed at Donnie's sleeping form before them. A few seconds later, Leo turned towards Raph and stared at him for a moment before playfully nudging his hot-tempered brother's shoulder. In retaliation, Raph smirked and jabbed an elbow into Leo's leg. Without so much as a word, all was forgiven. They both smiled and briefly made eye contact before fixing their eyes on Donnie again._

 _The two oldest brothers then silently watched over their second youngest brother right up until Mikey barged into the room to tell them that it was time for morning practice._

* * *

With a heavy heart, Leo sighed and lowered his face so that he was only about a foot away from Donnie's ear slit. He continued to pet his brother's head soothingly as he spoke to him. "I wish I would've said this to you that night . . . You aren't just the one who occasionally fixes things, Donnie. You're the one who _always_ fixes things . . . everything." Leo's voice quivered with emotion and it was a struggle just to get the words out. His chest tightened like it was in a vice while he gazed down at his unresponsive little brother. The sound of Donnie's uneasy breathing made Leo's own breathing hitch in his throat.

"We all need you to come back to us, Donnie." Leo paused, waiting for the strength to continue. " _I_ need you to come back to us. You can't give up on me now, little brother. If I lose you . . . I . . . I don't know what I'll do. I need you more than you'll ever know. Please, Donnie. Please don't leave us," Leo pleaded, carefully squeezing his younger brother's hand in his. He wanted so much for Donatello to squeeze back, but no response followed. The wounded turtle's hand remained disturbingly limp in Leo's hold.

Tears slipped past Leonardo's mask and he felt them streaming down his cheeks, like tiny rivers of sorrow, but he made no attempt to put a stop to them. For once, he didn't care if his family saw his composure crash and burn. He just let his tears continue to fall freely. How could he be expected to stay strong when he was faced with the possibility of losing his brother? Leo figured he was entitled to this moment of weakness.

The oldest turtle edged even closer to his brother, narrowing the distance between them to mere inches.

"I shouldn't have waited until now to tell you this, but I am so proud of you. You and that beautiful mind of yours have saved our shells more times than I can keep track of and I . . . I took you for granted. I never told you how grateful I am to be your brother and I rarely took the time to thank you for all that you do. I didn't appreciate you as much as I should have. Please, Donnie, you can't die. You just can't. You have to give me a chance to make this up to you. I've failed you in the worst imaginable way, and for that, I am truly ashamed. If you die because of my failure, I will never forgive myself. Please, wake up, Donnie . . . Please, otouto."

As heartfelt as Leonardo's appeal had been, Donatello still didn't respond. He remained completely motionless, aside from the uneven rise and fall of his chest.

Clearing his throat of debris, Leo started to softly sing the Japanese lullaby that Donnie had requested the last time that he had been sick.

Well, at least Leo tried to sing it . . .

The blue-masked turtle's memory wasn't serving him correctly at the moment. Even though his father had sung the song to them all the time when they were little, it had been so long since Leonardo had heard it, he couldn't remember some of the words. He did the best that he could, ad-libbing here and there. He figured Donnie wouldn't mind, even if he were awake to hear it. After all, it was the thought that counted.

When the song was through, Leo used his forearm to wipe away some of the moisture that had accumulated on his face. He then bent forward and carefully laid the side of his head on his brother's chest. He kept his hand enclosed around Donnie's as he listened to the sound of his younger brother's beating heart, praying to whatever deity that might be listening to not let this be the last time he heard that sound.

Leo's breath got caught in his throat once again. He couldn't stand the thought that he might lose his little brother forever.

"I'm so sorry, Donnie."

It was at this point that the oldest turtle was startled by the sound of a walking staff.

"Sensei," Leonardo gasped out as he shot into an upright position. He then turned his head to the side and discovered that his father was standing right beside him. How long he had been standing there Leo did not know. Something told the 'fearless' leader that it had been far longer than he would have liked.

"H – How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to hear you make a mess of that second verse, my son. I believe one of the words you were looking for was 'Yama,' not 'Gama.' 'Yama' means mountain, whereas 'Gama' means toad. As you can imagine, your misinterpretation of the lyrics significantly changes the context of the song. Apparently, I need to add language studies back into our curriculum." The wise old rat paused for a moment, arching an eyebrow in contemplation. "And perhaps vocal lessons should be worked in as well," Master Splinter added with a slight grin, amused by his tone-deaf son's creative rendition of the lullaby that he had sung to his boys hundreds of times.

Leonardo's face blushed beet red in embarrassment. He was just thankful it hadn't been one of his brothers who had walked in on his little serenade. If it would have been Raph, he would have surely come up with some humiliating, music-related nickname that he would never let his big brother live down. More than likely, the hotheaded turtle would have resorted to calling Leo 'Justin Bieber' for the next several months. Maybe longer . . .

"I thought you were going to bed, Sensei." It was a blatant attempt to change the topic of conversation, but much to Leonardo's relief, it worked.

"I did lie down for a while, but my thoughts were too troubled for sleep to come." There was great sadness in Master Splinter's voice that he uncharacteristically made no attempt to conceal. His ruddy eyes were glazed over and his face was painted with raw emotion as he peered down at his unconscious son.

Still holding onto Donnie's hand, Leo sunk back down into his chair, not taking his eyes off of his brother for even a second.

"Have you observed any changes in his condition?" Master Splinter asked calmly, although his expression told Leo that his father was feeling anything but calm.

"No," Leo whispered and his disappointment was obvious.

"Do not be discouraged, my son. No change should not be seen as bad news. It means that your brother is still with us and we must be thankful that his condition has not worsened."

Moving towards the end of Donatello's cot, the brokenhearted father continued to stare down at his second youngest son lovingly.

"Sensei . . . I am so sorry. I should have – "

Master Splinter held up a paw to stop his son from finishing his sentence. "Now is not the time, Leonardo. There will be time for apologies and the seeking of forgiveness later. Right now, we must focus all of our energy and thoughts on your brother's recovery."

"But if Donnie – if he doesn't – "

"Hasshu, my child. We must not think that way," Master Splinter gently cautioned. "I sense your brother's presence is with us. We must remain optimistic and encourage Donatello to return to us. Your brother . . . he needs us to help him and for us to be strong, Leonardo."

The oldest turtle bobbed his head up and down, indicating that he understood.

"Father," Leonardo breathed out softly, looking up at his sensei with a lost expression.

"Yes, my son?"

"Tiger Claw . . . The reason he went after Donnie was because Shredder gave him orders to bring Donnie to him. Shredder wanted to take Donnie prisoner because he found out about his abilities." Leonardo hung his head down in regret, suddenly unable to look at his father or his wounded brother. The oldest turtle could feel his heart start thumping against his chest, for the mere thought of Tiger Claw brought back a torrent of horrid memories that he'd just as soon forget. In the back of his mind, he could still see the image of Donnie's body convulsing after he had grabbed onto that hateful shock gun. That memory would haunt Leonardo for the rest of his life.

Upon hearing his oldest son's declaration, Master Splinter's eyes widened and he looked down at Donatello with much deeper despair than before. His mouth plunged into a stiff frown and he shook his head in refutation, as though he was half-trying to convince himself that what he had heard was not in fact true, but he knew Leonardo would never lie about such a thing. This filled Master Splinter's being with unspeakable dread.

"I have long feared that the day would come when the Shredder would discover your brother's special talents and he would attempt to take Donatello away from us. Now that the Shredder is aware of the unique abilities that your brother possesses, he will want to take that advantage away from us and have it for himself. Or worse . . . he will try to destroy it altogether."

Leonardo flinched at the words 'destroy it altogether.' Though Master Splinter had tried to soften the last line as much as he could, it had still been just as horrifying for Leonardo to hear as the words 'The Shredder will try kill Donatello' would have been.

"Donatello will not be safe, Leonardo. The Shredder will order his armies to capture him, just as he did with Tiger Claw."

"Shredder can't have him. I swear to you, I will protect Donnie with my life," Leonardo vowed, placing a hand solemnly over his heart and bowing his head in respect to his father.

"I know that you will do your best to protect your brother, but it will be no easy task, my son. As you well know, Oroku Saki has forsaken his honor and his humanity by allowing himself to be consumed with anger, hatred, and his relentless need for revenge. He is merciless, vindictive, and cruel and he fights without remorse or integrity. The Shredder is one of our most powerful and deadly enemies and his skills in the art of Ninjutsu presently exceed yours and your brothers'. I assure you that Saki will stop at nothing to get what he wants, and now, he wants your brother. You of all turtles should know that he is a threat not to be taken lightly, Leonardo."

"Neither am I," Leonardo growled, looking over at Donnie possessively. The turtle in blue would die before he let anything like this ever happen to his little brother again.

"Do not let your anger and your guilt interfere with your ability to use sound judgment, my son. Your greatest strength is your love for your brothers, but it can also be your greatest weakness. Your enemies will recognize this and use it against you."

Leonardo nodded and lowered his head once again.

"I believe that we are putting the cart ahead of the horse, so to speak. We should be focused on the present and not on what may or may not come to pass. Donatello's recovery process will take much time and that is where our attention should lie. The enemy we now face is the infection raging through your brother's body and we must concentrate all of our efforts on helping him to fight this battle." Taking his own advice, Master Splinter walked over to the various pieces of medical equipment hooked up to Donatello and began to inspect them thoroughly. His long, white whiskers twitched in thought as he conducted his inspection.

"Sensei?"

"Yes, Leonardo?" While he responded, Master Splinter continued to examine the tube that he had inserted into a vein in Donatello's arm so that he could deliver various live-saving fluids to his unconscious child. Splinter was still concerned that he had not inserted the tube properly, but there were no signs of inflammation or bleeding around the cannula. This brought him a small measure of relief.

"I, uh . . . I don't know if I can be the leader anymore. Not after all that has happened," Leonardo muttered, shifting his gaze to the floor.

The guilt felt like hundreds of razor blades trying to slice and slash their way to the surface, tearing Leonardo apart from the inside out. The oldest turtle couldn't look at his little brother without feeling indescribable remorse, nor could he look at his father without feeling as though he had brought shame upon their clan.

His conscience was crippling him.

"Leonardo, you cannot allow yourself to accept all of the blame for what has happened. The burden is not yours alone to bear," Master Splinter said as he approached his oldest son. He stopped just beside Leonardo and rested a hand on his shoulder. He then stood there in silence, patiently waiting for his son to respond.

"But I've failed my brothers, father. Donnie is lying here fighting for his life because I'm a terrible leader." Before he had even gotten halfway through with what he had just said, Leo had turned his head away in disgrace.

"It is not only you who has failed your brother, Leonardo. I have failed him, as well." Master Splinter released his grip on his son's shoulder so that he could place both hands on his walking staff. His grief was so heavy, it was difficult to hold himself up.

"What? How did _you_ fail him?" Leo asked, lifting his head up to stare at his father quizzically.

"When I spoke to your brother before all of . . . _this_ , I could see that he was not well, but yet, I did nothing. I was aware that he had not eaten or slept and I knew that he was feverish and troubled, but still, I left him alone. I trusted him when he told me he would rest. Your brother is strong-willed and I should have known that he would not take care of himself properly. I, too, did not help him in his time of need. I let Donatello slip further into his darkness. So, in response to your earlier request, I cannot accept your resignation as leader. Not unless you allow me to resign my title as your master and your father, for I am just as guilty of failing your brother," Master Splinter said with a heavy heart as his eyes fell upon his gravely wounded son.

Too overcome to verbally respond, Leonardo instead leaned against Master Splinter's red kimoto, burrowing his face into his father's side and letting his tears soak into the thick fabric of the robe. Somehow, this simple act made the oldest turtle feel slightly better, but only for a fleeting moment. Nothing would truly bring him comfort so long as the question remained: would Donatello ever come back to them?

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: This was yet another emotional chapter. Poor Leo is never going to be able to forgive himself if Donnie doesn't pull through . . . 8'[**_

 _ **The next chapter is a long one (15 pages!). I will try my best to have it ready by next week. *fingers crossed* It's another one of my favorites and I'm excited to share it with you.**_

 _ **Once again, if you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please favorite, follow, and/or review it. It means a lot to me to know that you like my story. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day! ;) CJ**_

* * *

 _ ***Special notes: I would like to take a moment to thank my guest readers since I can't send them 'thank you' PMs for their reviews. Thank you so much to sydnietv, Isabel, StitcherBell, Bethie June, Antje Kugler, CJTST Fanatic/YNHND Fanatic, sydniebryant06, Heather, Ariana, Alex, and GABBS. I am very grateful for your comments and support. ;)**_

 _ **I would also take a moment to thank**_ _ **ALL**_ _ **of my reviewers with FanFiction accounts as well, including ThisVioletofMine, Glazier Blue, BubblyShell22, ktkat9, Teekl, theMusicofyourSoul, Fever to Write, roxygoth, Kamechan98, Pilyarquitect, Cutegenius, Flaux, GirlRobin, Joanne N. Grey, CelandineGranger, Elcall, thx2God4U.S.A, All the Witty Ones Were Taken, roxanne0910, NinjaWolf10, snowflakeangel21, nikkijade17, obsessivecartoonlover, Rhodesincolumbus, HyunaLeo96, Poetique823, pollielobster, Summing up the Stars, jgrasper22, REBD, Captain Vegeta, Scrap of paper, CharmGirlLove, XxCreativeNinjaxX, DaLadyofSouls, brendayapura3, Emmy2710, Juanita 27, ICantFindAnotherName, angelkitten135, Snow fun, Heracratzarism, Still A Lover of Franchises, CheeseCloud, Total Drama Queen Fortress, LicyLionyx, yopurpledude, TFAN Override-Dragon Light, Crimson-Eyes26, sisterrivera03, FFX2player, Kohi wo Nomu, and VoidOfEclipse. I hope that I didn't miss anyone. I realize that not everyone on these lists is still reading 'Lost in the Fight,' but I really appreciate each and every one of you who have provided me with feedback at some point during the story. Thank you lots and lots. :} CJ**_


	20. Chapter 20 - Raph's Regrets

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Well, I managed to get through chapter 20 in time and I'm excited to share it with you. I'll warn you in advance that this chapter is really long and it's chock-full of angst, but it also has moments of brotherly fluff and humor mixed in. =)**_

 _ **A great big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow, and review this story as well as my other stories. Your support has been incredible and I'm so very grateful for it! :}**_

 _ **If you're enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please continue to favorite/follow/review the story to let me know. It's always great to hear from everyone. Thanks for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 20 – Raph's Regrets**

Raphael dragged his hands down his face for about the thirteenth time in the past twenty minutes. Slowly puffing out a lungful of air, he leaned his shell even further against the back of the remarkably uncomfortable chair that he had been posted at for the better part of an hour now. For years, he had seen the old, blue task chair in Donnie's lab – and he had even used it on several prior occasions – but never before had he realized just how unbearable the chair was to sit on for any extended period of time. Raph wondered how his genius brother could spend hours on end with his scrawny backside glued to the unpleasant seat. Perhaps Donnie was a lot tougher than Raph had always thought.

 _Or, at least his butt is_ . . .

Raph let out another lungful of air, only this time, it was expelled in the form of a yawn. Never in all his life had he felt so utterly exhausted, but yet, he was unable to sleep. He had spent the last several nights either lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling while he should have been sleeping, or sitting next to the cot in the infirmary staring at his unconscious little brother.

"At least one of us is getting some rest," Raph mumbled wryly.

Then, as if to prove his big brother wrong, Donnie started to stir in his sleep again. He soon began to whimper and flail about, trying to escape yet another nightmare he was reliving. Raph swiftly jumped up out of his chair and did his best to hold the genius turtle still, which only seemed to make his little brother all the more agitated. It was as if Donnie was afraid of his own brother.

The worst part of 'Donnie sitting' as far as Raph was concerned was having to watch his younger sibling suffer through the all-too-frequent nightmares. The turtle in red couldn't stand seeing his brother so visibly upset and frightened, knowing that there wasn't a darn thing that he could do about it.

The one good thing about Donnie's nightmares was that they had quickly revealed that he still remembered all of their names. If there was damage done to his brain, it was not so much so that he had lost _all_ of his memories.

The problem was, once Donnie had started having the nightmares, he had then started crying out to them for help. He would call out their names in his sleep, pleading for them to stop his torment. It tore Raph's heart into millions of pieces to hear his wounded brother begging for him to save him from monsters that the older turtle could not see.

"N – no! No, p – please! D – Don't! Please, s – stop! L – Leo! R – Raph! M – Mikey! S – Sensei! Help – Help m – me! P – please!" Donnie stuttered out in a hoarse voice, trying desperately to get away, even in his sleep. His eyes remained tightly closed as he frantically jerked his head from side to side. His hands attempted to fend off an attacker that wasn't there.

The pain killer-induced nightmares and hallucinations and the relentless coughing fits were the only things that made Donnie move.

"Take it easy, little brother. You're safe. It's okay." As Raph tried to console Donnie, he continued to pin his brother down to the cot so that he didn't hurt himself.

For a moment, Donnie's head veered towards the sound of his older brother's voice, making it appear as though what Raph had just said may have actually registered. The red-clad turtle felt a glimmer of hope start to blossom, but a second later, his wounded brother's head whipped towards the other side of the cot and it was obvious that he was still trying to escape whatever he was seeing in his mind.

Much to Raph's disappointment, his little brother's eyes never opened. It was yet another false alarm and any hopes that Donnie was finally going to wake up were dashed once again.

"S – S – Stop! P – Please! H – Hurts! C – Ca – " Donnie wailed, but his cries were cut short by a violent coughing fit. It sounded as though he was drowning, his lungs were so full of fluid. The coughing spell went on for several minutes and he writhed in agony the whole time, but due to his extremely weakened condition, the strongest turtle had no trouble keeping his younger brother immobilized in his grip. Fortunately for Raph, it had been a heck of a lot easier than trying to restrain Donnie while Master Splinter had reset his broken leg bones.

That was something Raph would never forget . . .

Once Donnie stopped hacking and twisting underneath him, the older turtle hesitantly released his hold on his brother. Raph then sat down on the side of the cot, temporarily remaining perched over his little brother, just in case he started to squirm again.

Donnie looked so sickly and frail, it made Raph's stomach churn just looking at him. Though the swelling on his younger brother's face had diminished considerably, it still looked as though he had been beaten to a bloody pulp. The sight made Raph want to hunt Tiger Claw and Grizzgore down and tear them limb from limb.

Reaching out and placing a hand on Donnie's uninjured shoulder, Raph could feel the heat searing off of his brother's battered body. Despite the medications that they were constantly administering to him, Donatello's temperature was still going up and down like a roller coaster. Just when his fever appeared to be going in the right direction, it would spike up again. It was a vicious cycle and it was giving them all a serious case of motion sickness.

Raph suddenly found himself staring down at Donnie's injured shoulder once again. The shoulder was heavily bandaged, but even with all of the gauze covering it, the older turtle could still see his brother's gruesome wounds underneath. That was because the vivid mental images of the injury were forever painted in the back of Raph's mind.

Closing his eyes for a moment, the hotheaded turtle fought back the overpowering urge to let out an angry roar.

The last time that Raph had cleaned the stab wound in Donnie's shoulder, he couldn't help but to guiltily stare at the gash that he himself had made. The slash wound from his very own sai was just below the gaping hole that the Shredder's goons had made with Donnie's naginata blade. Even though the stab wound was far worse in appearance than the slash wound beneath it, that slash wound was the most disturbing of all of Donnie's injuries for Raph to see. He had done that to Donnie. He had been so caught up in his rage, he had hurt his own brother. And now, whenever he looked at the scars that would be left behind on Donnie's shoulder, Raph would always remember what he had done to his little brother and he would forever hate himself for it.

Thick tears plummeted past Raph's mask and down his face. At first, he brushed them away, as though disgusted by them, but eventually, he just let them fall uncontested.

"I'm sorry, Donnie." Raphael tried in vain to hide the hurt in his voice. He cringed over how weak he had just sounded as he had spoken, but he continued speaking nonetheless. Even if one of his brothers was to come into the infirmary at this point and hear him, he was pretty sure they wouldn't make fun of him for sounding so sappy. Mostly because they'd be worried that he'd just beat the shell out of them if they did.

"I should've been a better brother to you," Raph rasped, squeezing Donnie's good shoulder as he went on. "You know that I'm lousy at apologies, but I'm trying here, okay? I've got lots to be sorry for, so just bear with me . . . "

Sniffling a little, Raph wiped a new round of tears away with the back of his free hand.

"I'm real sorry, little brother. I'm sorry for being so mean to you for all these years. I'm sorry for picking on you all the time and calling you names. I'm sorry for yelling at you and losing my temper so much. I'm sorry for being such a jerk sometimes."

Raph paused for a moment to collect himself before speaking again. With each line that passed his lips, the words grew more and more difficult to articulate.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. And I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you," Raph whispered, staring down at Donnie's wounded shoulder yet again.

There were no words to truly describe the regret that he felt for injuring his brother.

The turtle in red sighed woefully before speaking once more.

"But mostly, I'm sorry for making you feel like you weren't strong enough . . . and that you weren't important. I know that you and I - Well, we don't exactly have a lot in common, but that doesn't mean that I care any less about you. You're my little brother and I . . . I – Aw, I wish I was better at telling you how I feel . . . "

Sucking in a jagged breath, Raph looked down at Donnie's still form, hoping that his brother would somehow react to what he had just said, but the wounded turtle didn't even twitch a muscle. Despite Raph's best efforts at apologizing, his little brother still showed no sign of waking.

Raphael closed his eyes again and tried to use the breathing techniques that his father had taught him to calm his rattled nerves, but the droning bleeps of the heart monitor made it impossible for the already tense turtle to focus. He was tempted to drive one of his sais straight through the stupid machine just to make it shut up.

The thought of plunging a sai into Donnie's heart monitor unexpectedly brought back a flood of painful memories that Raph would have been better off never recalling again . . .

* * *

" _All right! Which one of you was it?" A thunderous voice sounded out several seconds before the ticked off owner of that voice stomped into the main living space of the lair._

" _Uh-oh. Sounds like Raph's on the warpath again," Mikey groaned, not even bothering to tear his eyes away from the television set that he was seated far too close to. The youngest turtle was sitting in a cross-legged position on the floor only a few feet away from the TV stand. His vacant gaze had been glued to the screen for the past two hours and he wasn't about to break eye contact with his favorite electronic device in the whole lair to witness another one of Raph's meltdowns._

 _Unlike Mikey, who had at least acknowledged Raph's presence, Leo had chosen to ignore it altogether, perfectly content to stay on the couch where he had taken root. It wasn't like it was out of the ordinary for his hotheaded brother to get all worked up about something. Besides, one of Leo's all-time favorite episodes of Space Heroes was on, so he honestly didn't care what Raph was wigging out about now._

 _Then, the television set suddenly went blank, and just like that, Raph had his oldest and youngest brothers' exclusive attention._

" _What the heck, dude? Captain Ryan and Commander Grunch were just totally gonna kick that alien guy's shell!" Mikey screeched, leaping to his feet and turning towards Raph, who was just standing there with the TV remote in his hand. The youngest turtle then pressed his hands against the top of his head and popped his eyes open as wide as they could go, showing off his flair for overdramatic reactions._

" _What's your problem, Raph? Turn the TV back on." The impatience in Leo's tone was painfully clear and he fixed a hostile glare on his red-banded brother. If there was one thing that Hamato Leonardo could not tolerate, it was someone interrupting him while he was getting his Space Heroes fix._

 _Narrowing his eyes in a sinister manner, Raph held the television remote up for his two brothers to see. He then flipped the controller over and promptly removed the batteries._

 _Mikey's eyes widened to the size of coasters and he shook his head, silently mouthing the word 'no.'_

" _Don't even think about it, Raph," Leo warned, leaning forward slightly, as though he was readying to pounce._

 _An evil smirk passed Raphael's lips and he tossed the batteries over the tire swing into the 'moat' of water just outside of the Dojo. He then_ _arrogantly_ _crossed his arms over his plastron_ _and waited to see how his brothers would react._

 _Leonardo and Michelangelo watched on in shock as the ripples from the cast away batteries danced across the surface of the water, and then, they were gone._

" _What is wrong with you?" Mikey yelped out in obvious – and perhaps slightly exaggerated – distress._

" _I know one of you was in my room again! Who's shell am I gonna have to wax?"_

" _Calm down, Raph. No one's waxing anyone's shell," Leo said, getting up off of the couch in order to strike a pose that better represented his authority. That and he was preparing himself for evasive maneuvers in the event that Raph blew his top and resorted to punching things he shouldn't. Namely, one of them . . ._

" _Yeah, chillax, dude." Although Mikey's words may have sounded brave, he contradicted himself by taking a few giant steps backwards so that he was closer to Leo than he was to his irate second oldest brother._

" _How many times have I told you guys not to mess with my stuff? My room is off limits! Keep out! How difficult is that for you shell brains to understand?" Raph shouted furiously, dropping his arms to his sides and clenching his hands into tight fists._

" _It totally wasn't me this time! I swear!" Edging even closer to his oldest brother, Mikey let out a little squeak, afraid he was about to get pummeled for something that he didn't even do. Sure, he was typically the one who was guilty of the said crime of breaking and entering Raph's room, but in this case, he was actually innocent. At least, he was pretty sure he was._

" _I heard yelling. What's going on out here?" Donnie asked as he stepped outside of his lab for the first time that day. All it took was one look at Raphael and the genius turtle had the answer to his question. "Whoa, looks like Raph is on the warpath again."_

" _That's totally what I said, bro! He came out here with his shell all bent outta shape, and then, he shut off the TV while we were trying to watch Space Heroes! Space Heroes, dude! And THEN, he took the batteries out of the remote and threw 'em away! Right during the good part!" Mikey shrieked in despair as if it was the single worst thing that had ever happened._

 _Donatello raised an eye ridge quizzically._

" _You are aware that you can operate the TV without a remote, right? They put functional buttons on the TV set itself." The high level of sarcasm that poured out of Donnie was obvious to everyone but the youngest turtle._

" _No way," Mikey gasped and there was a stunned expression on his face. The orange-masked ninja then made a hand gesture that was meant to mimic an explosion as he uttered the words, "Mind blown." With that said, Mikey quickly scrambled over to the television set and started to search for the alleged buttons that his brainy brother had been referring to._

 _All Donnie could do in response was shake his head._

 _Leo, on the other hand, rolled his eyes over his baby brother's antics, and then, he finally answered Donnie's earlier question about what was going on._

" _Raph's just in an uproar because he thinks someone went into his room again."_

" _I don't think, I know! Now, who was it?" The foul-tempered turtle immediately fixed a glare on Mikey, trying to intimidate his baby brother into fessing up._

 _It was only natural for everyone to assume that Mikey had been the one who had invaded Raph's privacy. History made him the obvious culprit. The youngest turtle was constantly goofing off and always snooping around where he shouldn't be. Their baby brother didn't know when to quit, and now, Raph had had enough . . ._

 _The hotheaded turtle growled at his youngest sibling, cracking his knuckles to show that he meant business._

 _Mikey whimpered and ran behind Leo in an inadvertent admission of guilt._

" _Mikey!" Raph roared, just about ready to strike._

" _Actually . . . it was me," Donnie nervously admitted._

 _Upon hearing their brainy brother's confession, both Mikey and Leo gasped out the word 'what' simultaneously. Raph, however, somehow grew even angrier._

" _You!" The red-banded turtle bellowed, not missing a beat. He quickly advanced towards his second youngest brother. "So what part of stay out of my room didn't you get, Brainiac?"_

 _As Raph's heavy footsteps approached him, Donnie's eyes magnified with fear and he shrunk back towards the stairs that led to his lab doors. He could see his most volatile brother's teeth thanks to the sneer cast on his face. He could also see that the veins were bulging out on Raph's forehead._

 _Not a good sign . . ._

" _I – I," Donnie stammered, but before he could spit out what he had been trying to say, Raph's forefinger was jabbing into his plastron._

" _And here I thought you were the smartest one out of all of us! Apparently, you can't even follow simple instructions!"_

" _Apparently," Donnie moaned, climbing up onto the bottom step outside of his laboratory. He held his hands up to show submission, like one would do to indicate that they were unarmed._

" _I don't want you in my room ever again! Is that clear enough for you to understand, or do I need to write it down for you, Dorkatello?"_

 _Donnie tried unsuccessfully to gulp back his mounting horror as he watched his now-seething brother climb up onto the same step that he was already on and get right up in his face._

" _Raph, take it easy." Seeing and hearing that his most temperamental sibling was starting to take things too far, Leo began to edge closer and closer to his brother in red. Most likely, an intervention would be necessary._

" _You think you're better than us, don't you? You always have!" As Raph made his angry accusation, he violently shoved Donnie's shoulder, obviously trying to start a confrontation._

" _Wh – What? N – No! No, of course not!" Donnie squeaked out in a panic, shaking his head from side to side. His heart was rampantly pounding inside of his chest as he fearfully shied away from Raph, doing his best to avoid any kind of altercation. The last thing that the genius turtle wanted to do was get into a fight with his highly unstable brother._

" _Raph, that's enough!"_

" _Oh, don't deny it, Leo! Donnie's always using those great big, sciency words that he knows none of us will understand! He's just trying to make us feel like a bunch of idiots because he's so damn smart!" Raph took his stare off of Donnie for a fleeting moment to glance back at Leo, and then, he bore his eyes back into his little brother, who continued to shake his head in denial._

" _You know what, Brainiac? You're not better than any of us! You're just a hopeless nerd who's about as interesting as watching paint dry! That's why nobody wants to hang out with you or listen to you go on and on about this and that! Everyone thinks you're boring! It's embarrassing!" Raph fumed, as though he was trying to burn holes through his younger brother with his anger and his words._

 _Donnie opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He just stood there with his mouth ajar while his eyes filled with tears._

" _Raphael!" Leonardo scolded harshly, the way that his father would have if he had been there. Unfortunately, Master Splinter was currently off on some kind of errand, most likely collecting herbs or just getting some much-needed fresh air. Leo could have really used his father's help right about now. Sensei always had an easier time containing Raphael's temper than the oldest turtle did._

" _I'm not done yet, Leo! I haven't even gotten started on his ninja skills!" Raph set a callous glare on his brainy brother, unable to see the tears forming in his eyes. The turtle in red was too caught up in his own rage to see that his bitter words were breaking his brother's heart._

" _Raph!" Mikey cried out, clearly upset, but his second oldest brother just ignored him and went right on ranting._

" _Maybe if you didn't spend so much time on your computer or with your nose stuck in books, you could spend a little more time in practice! You're always too busy tinkering around with junk instead of working on your training like you should! That's why you can't hold a candle to us! How could you when you go out there with an oversized toothpick for a weapon? We're always having to save your sorry shell!"_

" _Raphael!" Leonardo snapped angrily._

" _I said I'm not done yet!"_

 _The temperamental turtle looked to be gearing up for another round of verbal abuse, but the leader in blue was having none of it._

" _Oh, you're done!" Leonardo growled out, pushing his fingers directly into a pressure point in Raph's neck. It was a technique that the oldest turtle had learned from his father years ago. Leo had never dared to use it on Raph before, for fear of the serious repercussions that would follow, but he couldn't very well stand there and let his immediate younger brother continue to tear poor Donnie apart._

 _The pressure applied to Raph's neck created the exact neurological disruption that Leo had been hoping for. Raph's muscles seized up and his balance was momentarily thrown off, causing him to drop to his knees. He then grabbed hold of his neck while he struggled to reorient himself and stop his muscles from involuntarily contracting._

 _Once Raph's coordination was restored, he locked an angry glare on Leo. He was about to attack his oldest brother when he heard Donnie's small voice cut through the tension._

" _I'm sorry, Raph. I shouldn't have gone in your room without your permission. I promise I'll never go in your room again," Donnie vowed and his face wore the gloomiest of expressions. His head was hung down as he backed a few steps away from Raph._

" _And please don't be mad at Leo for protecting me. He was only trying to do what Sensei would've done," Donnie added, still backing away._

 _Raph grunted a noncommittal response, fixing a scowl on the floor. He was beginning to come down from his anger high, which meant that he would soon shift into his 'sulking' phase. This phase routinely involved a lot of griping, looking daggers, shoulder slouching, and joint cracking._

 _The genius turtle was about to retreat into his laboratory, but just before going inside, he turned and looked back down at Raph, who appeared to be in a staring contest with the concrete below him._

" _Oh, and your CD player is fixed," Donnie said barely above a whisper, rubbing his forearm uneasily, as he tended to do when he was troubled about something._

" _What?" Raph choked out the word as though it had gotten lodged in his windpipe. His head shot up in Donnie's direction and his eyes widened in shock when he finished processing what his younger sibling had just told him._

 _It was then that Raph finally saw the crushed look on his little brother's face. Out of all the brothers, Donnie's sad, pouty face was probably the most pitiful, rivaled only by Mikey's._

" _Your CD player . . . The one that wouldn't work after you threw a sai into it. Well, I had a little time to work on it, so I took it out of your room. I didn't think you'd mind. I, uh, accidentally bumped a few of your things out of place when I was putting it back. I thought I had put the stuff back in the right spot, but . . . obviously not," Donnie clarified before stepping into his lab and sliding the doors shut. The three brothers on the other side of the lab doors then heard the telltale sound of a lock being latched._

 _With a 'deer in the headlights' look etched upon his face, Raph just stared up at the spot where his little brother had been standing only moments before._

" _Real nice, Raph," Leo snorted out, casting his red-clad brother a dirty look. The oldest turtle then looked up at the closed lab doors and his heart dropped like a stone. He knew that when his genius brother locked the lab doors, it meant that he wanted to be left alone. But the last thing that Donnie needed right now was to be left alone with his thoughts after hearing all of the vile words that had just come out of Raph's mouth. Unfortunately, there was no way for Leo to get through the metal doors. At least, not without his genius brother's help . . ._

 _The turtle in blue exhaled audibly. All of a sudden, he didn't feel much like watching TV anymore. He marched past the sunken area in the center of the lair and headed straight up the stairs to the Dojo to do some katas. Raph's flare-up had him feeling rather frazzled and a bit of practice usually helped to ease his nerves. Leo figured he would try talking to Donnie after getting in some exercise. Maybe then, his little brother would let him in._

 _With Leo gone, Mikey stalked up to Raph, figuring that it was his turn to speak his mind._

" _You know what, Raph? You're a . . . you're a real jerk sometimes!" Mikey barked in his seldomly deployed angry voice. He then animatedly flung one of his arms out to the side for added emphasis._

 _Before Raph even had a chance to respond, Mikey had already scurried off to hide in his room, not wanting to stick around to see how his hotheaded older brother would react to him calling him a jerk right to his face._

 _The truth was, if Mikey would have hung around for a few seconds longer, he would have gotten to hear Raph tell him that he was right._

' _I am a jerk!' Raph silently chewed himself out._

 _For a few minutes, the red-banded turtle just sat on the bottom step with his arms draped over his knees and a deep scowl darkening his features while he continued to stare up at the lab doors that concealed his genius brother from his view. He then let out a low growl. He hated feeling guilty, but boy, did he ever feel guilty. He had jumped down Donnie's throat when all his younger brother had done was do him a favor._

' _I'm a total jerk!'_

 _Even though he had pretty much been out of control throughout the entire course of his anger-fueled rant, in a cruel twist of fate, Raph remembered every last unkind and spiteful word that he had venomously spit out at his undeserving little brother. He had said those things to intentionally hurt Donnie as much as possible . . . and for what? So he could wind up feeling like the world's biggest shellhead?_

 _Raph pushed himself up to his feet and marched towards the lab doors._

" _Donnie? Let me in." Raphael's tone came out much quieter than he had expected. He wondered if his little brother had even heard what he had said on the other side of the heavy doors separating them, so he knocked a few times to make sure Donnie knew he was there._

 _There was no response from inside of the lab._

" _Come on, Donnie. Open up. We need to talk." Raph tried again, a little louder and a little gruffer this time, but still softer than his usual boorish approach._

 _The door remained locked and the lab remained silent._

 _Raph paced around the outskirts of the 'pit' of the lair several times before trying and failing again to get Donnie to open the doors. He repeated this process for some time._

 _Soon, five minutes had passed, then, another fifteen minutes slipped by, and eventually, the minutes turned to hours . . ._

 _For three hours straight, Raph waited around for Donnie to come out of hiding._

 _The hotheaded turtle had passed the time alternating between doing pushups, pummeling the practice dummy, reading the same comic book five times, taking his frustrations out on the throw pillows on the couch, and leaning against the closed lab doors, moping._

" _Donnie, you're gonna have to come out of there sooner or later. You might as well just let me in." Raph's minimal patience was most definitely being put to the test. He was trying really, really hard not to blow a fuse, but all of this standing around waiting for his genius brother to respond was driving him crazy._

 _The thought of driving suddenly made a light bulb switch on in Raphael's head. A bulb that probably should have switched on hours ago._

 _The red-masked ninja sprinted towards the garage entrance of Donnie's lab, and within seconds, he was standing before the closed garage door. He then bent down to hoist it up only to meet resistance. The door wouldn't lift up. That was because it, too, had been locked._

 _One of the problems with dealing with an exceedingly intelligent brother was that that brother rarely tended to overlook even the most minor of details, such as making sure that every entrance to the laboratory was locked and secured._

 _The hot-tempered turtle resisted the impulse to break into a swearing conniption, figuring it wouldn't help his cause any._

" _Donnie!" Raph howled as his fists flew up and pounded on the metal door before him. The thumping sound echoed throughout the garage. Raph guessed it was even louder and more obnoxious sounding from inside of the lab. He knew the sound would get Donnie all riled up, assuming that his brother didn't have his headphones on._

 _Finally, there came an answer._

" _Leave me alone!" Was Donnie's unfriendly response._

 _Raph knocked on the door even louder, newly invigorated by the sound of his younger brother's voice. The red-masked turtle was pleased that he had at least gotten Donnie to say something, even if it was just to tell him to get lost._

" _Okay, that's it, Donnie! If you don't open this door in the next five seconds, I'm gonna plow the Shellraiser through it! You don't wanna have to go through the painful process of replacing the garage door again, do you?"_

" _And just how exactly do you plan on starting the Shellraiser when the keys aren't in it? You didn't actually think that I would be dumb enough to leave the keys in the ignition knowing that Mikey lives here, did you? That would be like giving a toddler a loaded handgun or a handful of shurikens to play with."_

 _Raph smirked at Donnie's snide comeback._

" _And you didn't actually think that I would be dumb enough not to figure out where you keep the Shellraiser keys hidden, did you?" Raph fired back with every bit as much cynicism as Donnie had used._

 _Of the four brothers, Donnie and Raph were undoubtedly the quickest witted and the sharpest tongued. The two of them were equally matched in sarcasm, although Raph was a lot more comfortable with flexing his wisecracking muscles, as he was much less concerned than Donnie was about potentially hurting someone's feelings._

" _Tick – tock, Donnie. One . . . " Raph began his countdown, confident that the brainiac turtle would give in to his threat. His little brothers always caved in whenever he resorted to countdowns._

 _Silence followed the number one and Raph knew that Donnie was either doing a facepalm or debating on whether or not to call his bluff._

" _Two . . . "_

" _Seriously?" An annoyed voice sounded out from inside of the lab._

" _Three . . . "_

 _Raph heard Donnie grumbling something under his breath on the other side of the door. He couldn't quite make out what his genius brother was saying, but he was fairly certain that it wasn't very nice._

" _Four . . . "_

 _There was the sound of someone fumbling with the door lock and Raph could hear his younger brother irritably growl out the word "fine."_

" _Five . . . "_

" _It's open," Donnie grunted in disgust._

 _With a victory grin plastered on his face, Raph bent down and yanked the garage door up. He then strutted through the open door, quite pleased with himself for having coerced Donnie into letting him in. Once inside of the lab, however, the wind was instantly sucked out of Raph's metaphorical sails when he saw his little brother's eyes were red and puffy. Donnie was attempting to hide his hurt behind a glower, but those tearful eyes betrayed him._

 _The arrogant expression that Raph was wearing turned down into a frown._

 _Donnie ducked behind his computer monitor and pretended to be diligently working on something that he couldn't pull himself away from, even though Raph knew that not five seconds ago, his brother had been out of his seat unlocking the door._

 _Now that Raph was actually inside of the lab, after hours of trying to get access, it occurred to him that he really had no idea what he was going to actually say to Donnie. Truth be told, the red-masked turtle hadn't thought that far ahead. He had never been much of a planner. He was more of a 'make things up as you go along' kind of turtle._

" _So . . . What are you working on?" Raph asked, uncharacteristically nervous as he tried to make small talk. He walked closer to Donnie's desk, moving in an almost timid fashion._

 _Looking up at Raph from over his computer screen, Donnie's eyes narrowed wrathfully._

" _Well, I would tell you, but I wouldn't want to bore you to death with the details or insult you by using big, confusing words." Once he had made his disgust abundantly clear, Donnie shrunk back down behind his monitor and his fingers struck against his keyboard with much more force than necessary._

" _Donnie, I . . . I'm sorry," Raph whispered, turning his head away, unable to look his little brother in the eyes. The fact that Donnie had obviously been crying was making it that much more difficult for the older turtle to look at him. Raph felt like a complete heel._

 _Leaning back into his task chair, Donnie let go of his anger and sighed dejectedly. He then rubbed one hand up and down his upper arm, as if to comfort himself._

" _You don't have to apologize, Raph. I . . . I know that everything you said was true. I know you think I'm boring and you don't want to be around me. Do you think I don't notice whenever I try to talk to you, I get an eye roll or an irritated grunt? Or you make fun of me for being a geek or a nerd?"_

 _Raphael was about to stop his little brother from continuing, but Donatello was quick to hold up a hand to wave off his brother's interruption before it could start._

 _"Please, just let me finish."_

 _The heartbroken expression on Donnie's face and the tears pooling in his eyes made Raph's insides twist into knots. It hurt to see just how unhappy his younger brother was because of him._

 _"I know you think spending time with me is wasted time, so you go out of your way to avoid me unless you need something. I understand." The words were getting harder and harder to speak, but Donnie pushed on. "And I . . . I realize you think I'm the weakest link in the family. You're right . . . I am. I'm sorry for disappointing you with my fighting skills and my choice of weapon. You're always telling me how it's not even a real weapon."_

 _Donnie cleared his throat before going on. His voice was starting to falter._

 _"_ _I – I_ _know I'm not what you want in a brother. I'm not a natural fighter or ninja like you, or Leo, or Mikey. I'm not as strong you guys. I know I'm different and I don't really fit in. All I'm basically good for is cracking codes, picking locks, patching up wounds, and fixing things, right?"_

 _Hanging his head down in misery, Donnie slumped his shoulders forward over his desk, as if he was trying to physically sink down as low as he felt inside. With his head dipped down, the purple-clad turtle couldn't see Raph shaking his own head in disbelief as his little brother continued to speak._

" _I just wish . . . I wish that we could be close again, like we were when we were younger . . . Before we became ninjas. I wish you liked me is all . . . like you do the others . . . and that you didn't see me as embarrassing . . . or hopeless . . . or as a . . . a constant letdown." The last words trailed off. Donnie was barely able to get them out._

 _"Donnie, stop! Would you please just let me say something here?" Raph croaked, his voice cracking with emotion without his say-so as he spoke. Not that he really cared about how he sounded at this moment. All he cared about was Donnie. He hadn't realized just how badly he had hurt his little brother with what he had said. He had been too blinded by his own anger to see that he had raked poor Donnie over the coals._

 _Raph cussed himself out in his head, using every expletive he could think of. Donnie didn't deserve to feel like this. Mikey or Leo, maybe, but not Donnie. Raph's genius brother wasn't the one constantly invading his privacy. His youngest brother was . . . and sometimes his older brother. But not Donnie . . . Donnie was the brother who gave him the most space._

 _That thought caused Raph to wince._

 _All of a sudden, the red-masked turtle had a better understanding of why his brainiac brother had given him so much space. Donnie thought that he didn't like him. His own little brother thought that he didn't like him._

 _"Nothing could be further from the truth, Donnie!" Raph grabbed a hold of his younger sibling's right shoulder and shook it a bit in an effort to try to get the genius turtle to look at him._

 _In response, Donnie turned his head to the left, staring off at nothing in particular. He was just anchoring his gaze on anything other than his brother so that he didn't lose his composure. He didn't want to give Raph the satisfaction of seeing him cry._

" _No . . . it's okay. You were right," Donnie muttered, clearly full of sorrow. His bottom lip quivered as he added, "No one wants to hang out with me. I – I get it. You don't have to spell it out or write it down for me or anything . . . I understand."_

" _Donnie, I – "_

 _The genius in purple held up a hand again to prevent his brother's response._

" _Please, Raph . . . just leave me alone." Donnie's voice was just above a whisper and each syllable trembled with pain. He then wriggled his shoulder out from his older brother's grasp. Once free, he quickly rose up out of his chair and walked away, stopping in front of Timothy's containment unit. The distraught turtle placed a hand and his forehead against the glass, as though he needed it for support._

" _No, I'm not leaving until you – "_

" _I said leave me alone!" Donnie bellowed out, surprising both himself and Raph with his unanticipated eruption of anger._

 _It took all of two and a half seconds for the genius turtle to feel bad for his little blowup, proving to Raphael, once again, that his younger brother was a better turtle than him. Donnie was so kind and good-natured, he was now standing there beating himself up over raising his voice and using a few harsh words. Something that Raph rarely thought twice about._

 _An awkward moment of silence passed before Donnie spun around to face his older brother. Raph could see the anguish flickering in his little brother's eyes._

" _I'm sorry, Raph. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. It's just that I . . . I have a lot of work to do. I don't really want to talk right now. I just want to be left alone. Please," Donnie pleaded in a much more dreary voice than he had used only seconds ago. He then lowered his gaze to the floor._

 _There were still so many things that Raph wanted to say to his brother, he was half-tempted to refuse to leave and stubbornly stand his ground, but it was obvious that Donnie was putting up one heck of a fight to keep his emotions at bay. If the hotheaded turtle insisted on staying in the lab, he would most likely just make his younger brother even more upset than he already was. After what he had done, Raph felt as though he owed it to Donnie to honor his request and give him some time alone. Raph, of all turtles, could respect that._

" _Fine, I'll go, if that's what you want."_

 _Donnie simply nodded in response. He could feel his big brother's stare upon him, but he blatantly avoided eye contact, turning his attention back to Timothy's container._

" _But don't think that this conversation is over." As Raph spoke the words, he pointed a forefinger at Donnie to stress the importance of what he had said. It was a gesture that his little brother did not see, because his shell was turned to the older turtle._

" _When you're ready to talk . . . " Raph left the sentence hanging as he turned and headed towards the open garage door._

" _You'll be in your room . . . " Donnie muttered despondently, just loud enough for Raph to hear as he made his exit._

 _The temperamental turtle wasn't sure if his genius brother had meant for him to actually hear the statement or not, but he couldn't help but to cringe at the irony of what Donnie had just said. It had been the perfect parting blow and it made Raph shudder with guilt._

 _Maybe Donnie really was the most sarcastic one after all._

* * *

Another one of Donnie's nightmares snapped Raph out of his thoughts and he peered down at his distressed little brother.

"I – I'm . . . s – sorry, L – Leo. S – Sorry, R – Raph. Can't . . . c – can't do . . . r – right. T – Too w - weak . . . J – Just u – useless," Donnie hiccupped in his tortured slumber, tossing his head back and forth.

It was sheer agony for Raph to hear the words of dejection come out of his younger brother's mouth.

The nightmares where Donnie was begging for his captors to stop hurting him or for his brothers to help him were bad enough to be subjected to, but the nightmares where he was condemning himself and apologizing for failing his family were insufferable. Every time Raph had to listen to one of his genius brother's self-loathing nightmares, it felt as though one of his sais was being driven straight through his heart. It was killing him that there was nothing he could do to help his brother.

"Donnie, please. I need you to open your eyes."

"I – I s – sorry . . . I f – failed . . . g – guys. S – Stupid . . . W – Weak," Donnie stammered and began to whimper, his eyes still closed.

Anger coursed through Raph and he clenched his hands into tight fists as he fought off the intense desire to pound the daylights out of something. He was guessing that his brainiac brother wouldn't be real thrilled with him if he lost his temper and punched holes in the laboratory walls or broke a bunch of his stuff. Raph instead paced around the room restlessly, hoping it might help to pacify his frayed nerves.

Before too long, Donnie settled down and slipped back into deep sleep once again.

Returning to his wounded brother's side, Raph wiped the tears away from the corners of Donnie's eyes, and then, away from his own. The red-clad turtle hated that his little brother had to suffer like this. It was absolute torture seeing him go through so much pain.

For four days they had _all_ watched Donnie suffer, just waiting for his condition to improve, but it had not. Even after four days, he was still fighting for his life. Inside, he was waging a war against the infection, the fever, his injuries, and his inner demons.

Raph could hear that his younger brother's breathing was still uneven and congested. With utmost caution, the older turtle propped another pillow underneath his brother, hoping that elevating him a little more might help clear his clogged-up lungs. The older turtle then sat down on the edge of the chair still stationed next to the cot.

In a rare demonstrative gesture, Raph leaned forward and ever-so gently held Donnie's hand in his. The temperamental turtle let out a heavy exhale and just about lost his battle to keep himself from sobbing.

"You need to hurry up and get better, Donnie. If not for me, then do it for April. She's come to see you several times now, and every time, you just wind up making her cry. You don't wanna make April cry, do you?"

Raph thought for sure that playing the April card would get some kind of a reaction out of his younger brother, but no such luck.

"Aw, come on, Donnie. I totally suck at all this waiting around crap, so any time you wanna wake up . . . "

Despite Raph's coaxing, his brainiac brother remained alarmingly still.

"Do you, uh . . . Do you remember that day I chewed your shell out for going in my room?" Raph asked, wanting so much for his little brother to answer, but he didn't. All he did was lie there. His only movement came in the form of struggled breaths from behind the oxygen mask covering his face.

"Remember I said that our conversation wasn't over, but yet, neither of us ever brought it up again? Well, I should have. I shouldn't have left the lab before telling you what I wanted to say."

Dragging in a ragged breath of his own, Raph used his free hand to clear his vision. The excess moisture around his eyes quickly soaked into his wraps.

"You've never let me down, Donnie. Not ever . . . I should've never said those awful things to you. And I shouldn't have pretended like what I said never happened after I left the lab. All this time, I let you believe what I said that day was true because I'm too darn stubborn to admit when I'm wrong," Raph muttered with a detectable tremor in his voice and a heavy pang of remorse.

"I know I should've told you this before, but . . . but I was wrong, Donnie. I was wrong then, and I've been wrong every day since. I'm sorry for hurting you . . . and for making you feel like you weren't good enough, little brother."

The turtle in red was having a tough time putting his thoughts into words. He was so not good at finding the right things to say or the whole sharing feelings thing. He wasn't ethical like Leo. He wasn't compassionate like Donnie. He wasn't emotional like Mikey. He was just Raph . . . the impolite and uncivilized one. He was the muscle of the team and the resident hothead. No one ever expected him to be all full of sunshine and rainbows, but right now, he was willing to do _anything_ to get his brainiac little brother back, even it meant being all nicey-nicey.

Raph blew out an exasperated sigh before resuming his catastrophic attempt at groveling.

"The truth is, you've always been the best one of us, Donnie. You're the good one. The one who takes care of us and keeps us together. There isn't a selfish bone in your body. You're always putting us first. And even though you may not be the best fighter, that doesn't make you weak, little brother. In some ways, you're the strongest one of us all. You always have been . . . right here," Raphael said, carefully placing his hand on Donatello's wounded chest, over what he thought was his brother's heart. For the life of him, the second oldest turtle couldn't remember which side the heart was on.

With Donnie unconscious, there was no one there to correct Raph, even if he had been erroneous in his hand placement, so he continued on with his motivational speech.

"I could never be disappointed in you. You're my brother and . . . well, you know . . . I, uh . . ."

Raph was still stumbling over the words. To top that off, his voice was starting to quit on him. Closing his eyes, he held his breath for a few seconds to compose himself. He then gruffly cleared his throat before trying to speak again.

"Well, you know how I feel about you. You're the genius, after all." Sure, there were far more meaningful and eloquent things that Raphael could have said at that moment, but the sentiment was there. He figured that had to count for something.

"And I promise I'll try to be a better brother to you . . . but you've gotta promise me something in return, okay? You've gotta promise to come back to us, 'cause we need you, Donnie. We'd be lost without you, so don't you even think about leaving us, okay? 'Cause your big, rough and tough, meathead brother couldn't possibly handle that."

Raph continued to hold the genius turtle's hand in his, hoping for some kind of response from his comatose brother. A squeeze, a flinch, a twitch – anything to indicate that his younger brother had heard what he had said.

Donnie remained agonizingly still, unintentionally breaking his big brother's heart.

The tears welled up in Raph's eyes once again and they spilled down onto his already soaked mask.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take, little brother. You shouldn't be lying here. I . . . I should have protected you. I'm sorry, Donnie. This . . . all of this . . . it's my fault," Raph whispered, hanging his head down.

"How do you figure that?" A familiar voice wafted into the room.

"H – Hey, Fearless. What are you doing up? Your shift doesn't start for another hour." As his older brother entered the lab and made his way over to Donnie's cot, Raphael hastily rubbed the sleep and tears from his eyes with his thick fingers.

"Couldn't sleep," Leo groaned, placing his hand across Donnie's forehead. After four days of caring for his wounded brother, the leader in blue had developed somewhat of a routine and checking Donnie's forehead was typically the first thing that he did.

Donnie's skin was still hot to the touch, but not quite as hot as it had been a couple of days ago. It made Leo feel slightly better, but his moment of relief didn't last. Not once he heard his genius brother's noisy breathing. Donnie's lungs still sounded as though they were full of fluid. Unfortunately, the antibiotics that they had been pumping into his system day and night didn't seem to be curbing the pneumonia as quickly as they had all hoped.

Trying not to let himself get too discouraged, Leo walked over to the infusion stand and moved onto the next part of his routine, which was to inspect his wounded brother's IV bags. The blue-clad turtle could see that the bags would need to be replaced soon. This was something that he was getting to be rather good at. Unlike Raph and Mikey, the oldest turtle no longer required the assistance of Master Splinter to change out Donnie's fluids. This was a good thing, as it gave their worn out father more opportunity to get some rest.

"I'm perfectly capable of checking those things, you know?" Raph grumbled with hardly any sound, clearly exhausted.

"Sorry. It's just habit."

Leonardo shrugged his shoulders sheepishly, and then, sat down on the edge of Donnie's cot. Normally, when Leo sat beside his injured brother like this, he would hold Donnie's hand that wasn't taped down to his plastron, but he noticed that Raph was currently holding onto that hand. The oldest turtle had to stop a smile from emerging. He didn't want to do anything that might interfere with the rare intimate gesture coming from his hotheaded brother. It was nice to see Raph's gentler side for a change. Leo was sure that if Donnie was conscious, he would have been touched by the display of affection as well.

The two oldest brothers sat wordlessly for several minutes, just listening to the sound of Donnie's irregular breathing.

Not able to take the silence between them any longer, Leo glanced over at his immediate younger brother, and in rather blunt fashion, announced, "You look terrible, Raph. When was the last time you got any sleep?" As the oldest turtle posed his question, the corners of his mouth curled up into the slightest of smiles.

Never one to let someone 'outinsult' him, Raph was quick to fire back a witty remark.

"Yeah, well your mug's not gonna grace the cover of 'GQ' anytime soon, either."

The two of them laughed; something they had not done for some time.

But the laughter soon died away and Raph stared blankly ahead once again, squeezing his little brother's hand in his.

"This isn't right, Leo. If given the choice, Donnie wouldn't hurt a flea. He only fights because we do. Why did this have to happen to him? He doesn't deserve this. We're supposed to protect him, Leo. He's our little brother. We're supposed to keep him safe."

"I know, Raph. Every time I look at him, I can't stop thinking about all the awful things I said and did to him. Then . . . then I start thinking, what if Mikey had given up on reviving Donnie like I did? We would've lost him if it wasn't for Mikey." Leonardo's voice started off reasonably strong, but it tapered down to an unsteady whisper by the time he finished his last sentence.

"Don't do this to yourself, Leo. You'll only make yourself more neurotic than you already are. You and I both know that it was just dumb luck that Mikey was able to resuscitate Donnie. Granted, it was the most unbelievable stroke of luck I've ever seen and I'll always be grateful for it, but it was still just freakin' dumb luck, Leo. You didn't do anything wrong. You did everything you could to save Donnie."

Though Raph's words were spoken with nothing but compassion, they could not ease Leo's troubled mind. No words of encouragement could ever undo what had been done . . . or rather, not been done.

"No, I didn't. I didn't _do_ anything to save Donnie."

"The shell you didn't! You gave him CPR for like ten minutes! To tell you the truth, I'm surprised you didn't break all his ribs in the process!" Raph disputed, not about to let Leo assume all the responsibility for what had happened.

"Yeah, but it should've never come to that! All of _this_ . . . it should've never happened. I should've protected him, Raph. As his leader, I should've noticed that he wasn't feeling well. As his brother, I should've seen that he was suffering and that he needed me. I should've been there for him. Instead, I neglected him, and when I wasn't doing that, I was criticizing him and making him feel worthless. And then I . . . I went and struck him when he was already down. That's why he ran off to the junkyard that night. The only reason he got captured was because of me."

"Oh no you don't! You can't go pinning all the blame on yourself here, Mr. Martyr-pants. I'm just as much to blame for this as you are. I ignored him, too, remember? And I hurt him when he was only trying to stop us from fighting. Plus, I told him that he was the weakest one of us, and if I remember right, I think I even said that he was just as much of a bonehead as Mikey," Raph groaned, pushing his free hand against his temple. His eyes remained fixed on Donatello's sleeping form.

Leonardo grimaced, thinking back to what his temperamental brother had said to Donatello the night that he had fallen from the fire escape. Only now did Leo realize how hurt their genius brother must have been by Raph's particularly insensitive comment meant to undermine his intellect. Especially since they all knew that Mikey wasn't the sharpest knife in the block . . .

"That was pretty harsh, even for you."

"You don't have to tell me that. I'm a rotten brother. I'm always calling him names or making fun of him for being a dork or a toaster whisperer. Remember that time when I chewed him out for going in my room? I said all of those horrible things to him and I never even really apologized. Oh, and when Donnie had that concussion a few weeks ago and he wanted to go out on patrol with us, you know what I said to him? I told him that we didn't need him. Instead of telling him that he should stay home and rest, like I probably should have, I told him that we'd give him a call if we found a broken vacuum cleaner." Raph paused to swallow thickly before continuing to express his regrets. "Not to mention I'm constantly telling him that his ninja skills are inferior and that his bo isn't even a real weapon. You've heard me say it plenty of times. I'm always belittling him for fighting with a stick or an oversized toothpick."

"Hey, at least you didn't leave him alone and defenseless on a catwalk so Tiger Claw could recapture him and try to take him to Shredder. And you didn't just stand there and watch on helplessly as he sacrificed himself in order to stop _me_ from getting hurt. Some big brother I am."

The two eldest brothers sat there in their lament.

"So, it's official. We both totally blow at being big brothers," Raph said in his distinguishing deadpan way, letting a small, humorless chuckle sneak out.

Leonardo nodded before adding, "Well, at least we finally agree on something . . . "

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Awww, I really love seeing Raph's soft side come out every once in a while.**_

 _ **Just a little trivia on this chapter . . . Raph's outburst over one of his brothers going in his room is actually what inspired me to write my story 'Mikey's Worst Move Ever.'**_

 _ **Well, we had 'Leo's Lullaby' and 'Raph's Regrets.' I bet you can all guess which brother is featured in the next chapter. Hopefully everyone is up for a little B team moment . . . And yes, it's another one of my favorite chapters in the story. =D**_

 _ **Once again, please take a moment to favorite, follow, and/or review 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying it. I would really, really LOVE to know if you like it. Thanks so much for reading! ;) CJ**_


	21. Chapter 21 - Mikey's Mistakes

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 21 of 'Lost in the Fight' and it's all about the B Team. **Caution: this one once again made me cry while editing it. There will be much sadness, but also, lots of brotherly fluff. It's about Mikey. He's the ooey gooey cinnamon roll of the family! There has to be fluff! BOOYAKASHA! ;D**_

 _ **Since it's the holiday season, I'm feeling extra sentimental and I just want to let everyone know how much I appreciate all of the reads, favorites, follows, and reviews that I have received for this story. At the risk of sounding 'totally lame and sappy' here (as Raph might call it), thank you all from the bottom of my heart. It took me**_ _ **years**_ _ **to get up the courage to share my writing with anyone. To receive so much positive feedback on my stories has been absolutely amazing and inspirational. I just can't possibly thank you enough, but I'll keep trying. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! =}**_

 _ **Okay, I'm getting all emotional here. Better move onto the chapter . . .**_

 _ **As always, if you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight,' please take a moment to favorite/follow/review the story. I would really love to know if you like it. Thank you very much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 21 – Mikey's Mistakes**

Mikey was teetering dangerously close to the edge of his seat while he read the latest issue of his very favorite comic book to his unconscious brother. Sure, the resident genius would have probably preferred to have someone read him one of those 'Popular Mechanics' or 'Scientific American' magazines that he liked so much, but those publications had big, hard-to-pronounce words that Mikey would surely butcher, and without Donnie awake to correct him, it just didn't seem right.

When Mikey reached the end of the double-page spread that he had been reading aloud, his big, blue eyes peered up and over his comic book to check on his injured brother's condition, just as they had done every time that he had reached the end of a page. Upon seeing that Donnie was still sleeping soundly, the younger turtle lowered his eyes back down to his comic and flipped to the next page. As he continued on with the story, he spoke a little louder than before, so as to ensure that Donnie could hear him over the sounds of the heart monitor and his troubled breathing.

All of the brothers were close, but Mikey and Donnie had formed a particularly tight bond. Even though they were pretty much polar opposites, the two youngest brothers were the best of friends.

Since Mikey was Donnie's only little brother, the genius turtle tended to watch over him like a mother hen. Despite the fact that Mikey could drive Donnie absolutely insane sometimes – constantly messing with his stuff or pestering him over some trivial thing – the older of the two turtles still did everything in his power to protect his baby brother at all times. Donatello had always felt as though it was his duty to take care of his younger sibling, no matter how annoying he could be.

It was no well-kept secret that Donnie adored Mikey . . .

The feeling was totally mutual.

Mikey looked up to his immediate older brother like he was a superhero of sorts. Whenever the youngest turtle was hurt or upset about something, it was Donnie that he would turn to. His brainy brother had always known just how to make him feel better. Well, except when he yelled at him for ruining his experiments, but that didn't happen all _that_ much . . .

There was no one that Mikey admired more than his big brother. Donnie was super smart and amazingly talented. He could fix literally anything, which was a good thing, because Mikey could break literally anything. And not only was Donnie good at fixing things, but he was also good at teaching his baby brother all kinds of stuff, even though the younger turtle wasn't exactly the best student. Learning and listening had never been two of Mikey's strong suits. Still, that had never stopped Donnie from trying to educate and mentor his little brother, which meant the world to Mikey. That's why he tried his best to teach his genius brother stuff, too, like awesome fighting techniques and sweet new ninja moves. The youngest sibling knew that his brother could use a little help when it came to the art of Ninjutsu and hand-to-hand combat.

It wasn't like Donnie couldn't hold his own in a fight or anything like that. He had mad ninja skills and Mikey had seen him pull off some pretty amazing stunts. Donnie was definitely a force to be reckoned with. It was just that, sometimes, his less-honed skills and tendency to overthink things could put him in harm's way. That just meant that Mikey occasionally needed to watch over his smartest brother a little closer than his other two siblings in the midst of battle. It was no big deal. The orange-masked ninja certainly didn't mind keeping an eye on his immediate older brother. After all, Donnie was always protecting him. It only seemed fair that Mikey be allowed a chance to try to return the favor.

But everything was different now . . .

Their lives had been turned upside down.

If only Mikey had gotten a chance to protect his big brother from all of _this_ . . .

When he reached the thrilling conclusion of his comic book, Mikey set the issue aside and took to pampering his genius brother once again. This ritual involved fluffing up Donnie's pillows, tucking the blankets around him tighter, wiping the moisture away from his brow, petting him on the head, etc. Basically, the youngest turtle did whatever he could think of to make his injured brother feel more comfortable.

Much to Mikey's disappointment, Donnie had yet to respond to any of his pampering. His wounded brother would just lay there, out cold, as though he didn't even know anyone was there.

As he stared down at his brother's badly beaten body, Mikey's face sagged into an uncharacteristic frown that reflected just how sad he felt inside. He was upset with himself for not knowing how to make his big brother feel better. Donnie was the designated family doctor while Mikey was the member of the family with the least medical know-how. That's because whenever someone in the family got hurt, the youngest turtle would oftentimes freak out. His reaction – or rather overreaction – would typically result in him getting 'kicked' out of the room so that his panic attack wouldn't cause any unneeded disruptions. Hence, the reason that Mikey had no clue how to help Donnie or treat his brother's wounds. Due to his lack of experience, there was nothing that the orange-clad turtle could do for his unconscious brother, other than just sit there and wait for him to come back to them.

Mikey let out a heavy sigh. He once again found himself worrying about the unknown period of time that his injured brother had gone without oxygen before they had been able to get him breathing again. It had been weighing heavily on the youngest turtle's mind ever since he had 'accidentally' overheard his family discussing the possibility that Donnie could have sustained brain damage. When Mikey had confronted his father and brothers about keeping secrets from him, they had just tried to sugarcoat what he had heard and downplay the seriousness of the situation, like he was too immature to understand what was going on. But he _did_ understand.

He knew that brain damage was bad. Like really, _really_ bad . . .

Mikey thought back to that awful night that had forever changed them. After he and Raph had taken down Grizzgore, they had made their way up to the roof where Leo had already started CPR on their fallen brother. That meant that Donnie had stopped breathing before Mikey and Raph had even shown up on the rooftop. But for how long?

The youngest turtle was left to agonize over whether or not his genius brother had permanent brain damage. And if there was damage done to the brain, just how much would it affect Donnie? Would he act like a different turtle? Would he still love them or even recognize them? Would he remember all the good times that they had had? Would he start using smaller words that the rest of them could understand for once?

 _Well, maybe that last one wouldn't be so bad . . ._

Mikey immediately shook his head from side to side, ashamed of himself for even thinking such a horrible thing. He didn't want anything about Donnie to change. He just wanted his brainy big brother to be _exactly_ like he was before all of this had happened. Big, confusing words and all.

Wheeling his chair closer to Donnie's cot, Mikey leaned over his unresponsive brother and softly stroked the top of the genius turtle's head with his fingertips.

"Oh, Donnie . . . I sure wish you were here. I mean, I know you're here, but I mean _here_ here. Like awake and stuff. Aw, you know what I mean. It's been a week, bro. Time to wakey-wakey."

The wounded turtle did nothing in response.

Mikey hated 'nothing.'

"Dude, I'm bored out of my shell here. The lair isn't the same without you. Everyone's so down in the dumps, it's totally depressing, bro. We hardly even talk to each other anymore. We're all too busy worrying about you. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that everyone's lying to me about your condition. No one will tell me anything, like I'm too fragile to handle the truth or something."

Mikey's frown deepened when he realized that his family was probably right not to fill him in on all the specific details. He did tend to be a little on the dramatic side.

The first few times that he had been allowed to watch Donnie on his own, he had completely lost it when the heart monitor line had turned red. Twice, he had to be dragged out of the infirmary kicking and screaming. The first time, he had hurled himself on top of his injured brother while weeping hysterically and hollering 'why' over and over again. The second time, he had grabbed the weird-looking defibrillator thingies that his genius brother had invented, fully intending to use them, even though he didn't have a clue how to actually operate them. His two oldest brothers had been forced to tackle him down to the floor and pry the weird contraption out of his hands.

Luckily, Mikey hadn't hurt Donnie or anyone else in his family with his emotional onslaught.

After his last outburst, it had taken the youngest turtle two full days to convince his family that he was psychologically stable enough to be alone with Donnie again, and even then, they had all kept checking up on him every couple of minutes or so. Master Splinter included . . .

It was annoying, but understandable.

At least he and Donnie were alone now. Not that it would last . . .

Mikey took his big brother's limp hand in his own and squeezed it tightly, wishing with all of his might that Donnie would squeeze back.

"We're all worried sick about you, bro. We need you to wake up, 'cause we're falling apart without you."

Again, no response followed, and again, Mikey's heart sunk.

It had been two days since Donnie's fever had broken, which obviously came as a welcome relief to his family. Once the genius turtle had started to show some small signs of getting better, Master Splinter and Leo had decided to begin weaning Donatello off of some of his heavier pain medications, hoping that it might help him to regain consciousness. Since that time, Donnie had not suffered through any more of his nightmares or hallucinations, most likely because they had been brought on by the fever and the strong pain killers that he had been on. Even the unremitting coughing fits had ceased. While at first, they had all been thankful for this, they soon came to realize that Donnie was no longer doing anything other than just laying there on the cot. At least when he had been having the nightmares and the coughing spells, he had moved and they had heard the sound of his voice, even if it had been in the form of crying. Now, there was only that 'nothing' that Mikey hated so much. The silence was as bad as the nightmares, if not worse. To Mikey, it almost felt as if Donnie was slipping away from them. The youngest turtle was pretty sure that the rest of the family felt the same way about the situation as him, but nobody talked about it.

Mikey wiped away the condensation that had accumulated under his eyes. All of this sitting around waiting for Donnie to wake up was making him go bonkers. To make matters worse, his butt kept falling asleep on him. He didn't know how much more of this waiting around stuff that he could take.

Just as Mikey was about to let out another heavy sigh, he remembered something that his father had said to him the day before . . .

"I know it is difficult to wait for your brother's condition to improve, my son, but you must exercise patience. Donatello will wake up when he is ready."

Mikey then remembered Master Splinter saying something about Donnie needing time to heal, both inside and out. Of course, Mikey also remembered Master Splinter telling him to stop tapping Donnie's shoulder every few seconds and to quit shoving hot soup in his face.

All the youngest turtle had been trying to do was wake his injured brother up, but in hindsight, maybe relentlessly poking Donnie in the arm and assaulting his nostrils with the scent of homemade soup weren't the best methods of rousing him. Mikey then cringed at thought of what Raph would do to him if he unintentionally spilled piping hot chicken noodle soup all over his unconscious brother. Odds were, the hotheaded turtle would try to kill him. In that case, Mikey would be toast, because the brother who had always sworn to protect him wasn't awake to save him from the brother who had always sworn to smack the green off of him.

Now, that heavy sigh that he had stifled earlier made its way out of the youngest turtle's lungs.

Resting his weary head on his big brother's cot, Mikey closed his eyes and let his tears tumble down yet again when he thought about the last time that Donnie had sworn to always protect him . . .

* * *

 _His heavy eyelids sluggishly parted ways from one another only to be instantly sealed together again. Even though he had opened his eyes up no more than a sliver, they burned from the glaring light that was surrounding him. He kept his eyes tightly squeezed shut while he waited for the strobing flurries and spates of light distorting his vision to fade away._

 _As he laid there waiting, he drew in deep, cleansing breaths and tried to focus on his other working senses, temporarily relying on them to assist him with assessing his situation. The air around him felt still and cool, but comfortably so, informing him that he was most likely inside of a building somewhere. He could rule out the lair. He didn't smell the distinct odors of the sewers, nor did he hear the familiar sounds of his home. For reasons unknown, his hearing seemed to be muffled, like someone was covering his ear slits or he had ear plugs in, but after a few minutes or so, he gradually regained the ability to differentiate various sounds from one another. He could hear some kind of humming or buzzing above him. He was guessing that it was coming from either fluorescent lighting or possibly a ventilation system. The next sound that he was able to perceive made his pulse quicken and his chest tighten. It was the unmistakable sound of someone breathing._

 _Someone was with him. The question was, was this someone friend or foe?_

 _He pried his eyes open again, batting his eyelids repeatedly to clear his sight and acclimate to the brightness still trying to blind him. For several moments, he went unnoticed, lying virtually motionless as he squinted and blinked, trying to adjust his vision._

 _Slowly, things became focused enough that he could see a figure sitting next to him and he was soon able to make out who it was._

" _M – Mikey? Wh – what happened?" Donnie stuttered out, pushing himself up into a somewhat sitting position. This proved to be a much more difficult task than he had anticipated. He quickly clutched his aching head in his hands. He had no idea where they were, but wherever it was, he was fairly confident that the room wasn't actually spinning. All of the revolving that he was perceiving was just in his head._

" _Donnie! It's about time you woke up!" Without warning, Mikey threw his arms around his unsuspecting big brother and pulled him into a shell-crushing hug. After about thirty seconds of squishing Donnie in his grip, the youngest turtle released his hold and helped his still disoriented brother over to the nearest wall._

 _The genius turtle took this opportunity to lean heavily against the metal wall, letting it support the majority of his weight so he didn't have to._

" _Dude, you scared the shell outta me! How do you feel, bro?" The concern that Mikey was feeling inside was written across his face in bold print as he anxiously eyed his older brother up and down._

" _Ughh . . . like I got hit with a tranquilizer strong enough to take down a herd of elephants," Donnie groaned, still trying to get his bearings back. As he gingerly rubbed the back of his head, he scanned around the room and soon realized that this was not the location that he had been in the last time that he had been lucid. Bits and pieces of what had happened to get to this point were starting to come back to him. The last thing that he remembered was trying to take down several dozen Kraangdroids, but that had been in a dark alleyway. At present, they were in an excessively illuminated room. The only noteworthy items inside of the room were a bench attached to the wall, strange pink lighting all around, and a large, metal door with a small window. Donnie had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. It looked an awful lot like a Kraang prison cell._

 _Mikey's response to Donnie's elephant comment quickly pulled the genius turtle out of his gloomy thoughts._

" _That's 'cause the Kraangdroids shot you a couple of times with one of their laser guns. Lucky for you, they had 'em set to stun."_

" _Yeah, lucky me," Donnie said with a grimace. 'Lucky' was certainly not the first word that had popped into his head. He glanced down at the numerous new marks and contusions across his plastron and let out a painful moan. Then, suddenly, a wave of panic swept over him and he frantically started to examine his baby brother for injuries._

" _Mikey, are you okay? Did you get hit?"_

 _As soon as those words had left Donnie's lips, his recollection of the events that had led up to their current predicament came flooding back to him. His eyes widened with despair while he continued to look over his younger brother._

" _Nah! I'm good, brah. Barely got a scratch." Mikey held his arms out to the side so his big brother could better see that he was uninjured. The turtle in orange knew the procedure all too well. Even if he swore up and down that he was perfectly fine, Donnie would still insist on conducting an exhaustive inspection just to be safe. That was just the way his brainy brother was. It was a Doctor D protocol-thing._

 _Once Donnie finished checking over his baby brother, the conversation abruptly switched gears._

" _Mikey, where are Leo and Raph?" Donnie asked in a voice laden with dread. He then leaned forward, feeling as though he was strong enough to hold himself up on his own again. The effects of the Kraangdroids' weapons were beginning to wear off._

" _I . . . I'm not sure. They were on the other side of the alley when the Kraang grabbed us and threw us in the back of their truck. I don't think they got caught." Shifting uneasily in the spot that he was sitting, Mikey hugged his arms around his lower legs and drew his knees into his plastron. He then pursed his lips into a sour face, knowing that it was only a matter of time before his big brother started lecturing him. It's what his big brothers did whenever he messed up._

 _And boy, had he messed up . . ._

" _Mikey! You were supposed to wait for Leo's signal, but nooooo! Instead of staying put like Leo told you to, you broke formation and put us all in danger!"_

" _Dude, I totally saved you from certain death back there. But no need to thank me, bro. I'm a ninja. It's what I do," Mikey said, polishing his knuckles against his plastron arrogantly._

" _Saved me? I was just about to grab the mutagen canister without being seen, like we planned, when you jumped down and screamed 'booyakasha!' You alerted every Kraangdroid within a five mile radius of our presence! How exactly is that saving me?"_

 _Mikey struggled to come up with a decent answer for that one. When Donnie had put it that way, it had sounded pretty bad._

" _Well, maybe I tweaked the plan a little . . . "_

" _A little?"_

" _Okay, okay, a lot . . . But I totally had your back after you went down! You should've seen me! Anytime a Kraang got anywhere near you, I was all like 'hoo-wah,' and they were like – " Mikey started to go off on a tangent, but Donnie's falsetto tone put a swift end to the digression._

" _Mikey, the only reason I got shot by the Kraangdroids was because they were about to shoot you! And correct me if I'm wrong here, but I believe the reason you didn't notice the Kraang were coming up on you was because you were too busy doing some kind of premature victory dance! I had to dive in front of you to stop you from getting hit, remember?" Donnie scathingly refreshed Mikey's memory of the incident. The genius turtle had thought that his recollection of the confrontation was somewhat sketchy, but apparently, his younger brother's was even more so._

 _Mikey's face twisted and scrunched up with embarrassment as Donnie continued on with his recap._

" _And obviously your attempt to protect me after I was knocked out went really well! In case you didn't notice, we're stuck in a Kraang detention facility!" As Donnie overstated the obvious, he held his closed hands up under his chin to better demonstrate his frustration with his little brother's exaggeration of the truth._

 _Mikey hung his head down in shame when he thought about just how badly he had flubbed up his oldest brother's well-thought-out plan._

 _They had been out on patrol for the night when Donnie's mutagen tracker had started going crazy. The scanner had led them to an alleyway where they had spotted a canister of mutagen lying on top of an air conditioning unit jutting out of a third floor apartment building. They had been just about to climb down from the rooftops to get the container when a group of Kraangdroids had turned up in the alley. Since they were greatly outnumbered, Leo had decided that the best course of action would be to nab the mutagen canister and get the shell out of dodge. Well, those hadn't been Leo's exact words, but close._

 _The plan had been quite simple, really. Donnie was supposed to silently sweep down from above and grab the canister while the rest of them remained hidden in their designated spots on the rooftop (Leo and Raph) and the fire escape (Mikey), just in case something went wrong. The objective of the mission had been to get the mutagen canister and make an undetected exit, but Mikey had failed to heed Leo's easy-to-follow instructions . . . again._

 _Donnie had been just about to get his fingers on the container, when Mikey had gotten spooked by movement below him. Worried that the enemy was going to spot his brainy brother, the youngest turtle had leaped down from the fire escape that he had been posted at and launched an impromptu attack on the Kraangdroids._

 _Then, all shell had broken loose. A wall of Kraangdroids had immediately separated Mikey and Donnie from Leo and Raph, who had dropped down on the Kraang from the other side of the alley. From their vantage point, the two youngest brothers had not been able to see how their two oldest brothers were faring in the fight, but the turtles in orange and purple had been holding their own, right up until Mikey had gotten cocky and reckless._

 _Mikey shook his head in disgust. It was because of his carelessness that Donnie had gotten taken down. It was all his fault that the two of them had gotten captured._

 _Even though Mikey had only taken his eyes off the enemy to clown around for a split second, he had still managed to make a major mess of everything. Donnie, who had been fighting several feet away from his little brother's position, had spotted a couple of Kraangdroids aiming down sights on Mikey as the youngest turtle gyrated about, oblivious to the looming danger. With a fell swipe of his bo-staff, Donnie had hastily knocked down the Kraangdroids that he had been contending with so that he could dive in front of Mikey just in time to prevent his baby brother from being shot. As a result, the genius turtle had been hit by laser fire at least twice before he had gone down for the count. With Donnie out of the equation, the tides had swiftly turned in the Kraang's favor. At least, they had on Mikey and Donnie's side of the battle. There had been no way for the orange-masked turtle to see how Leo and Raph were doing on their end, thanks to all of the Kraang obstructing the view._

 _Mikey had frantically called out for his two oldest siblings to come to his aid while trying to desperately fend off the Kraangdroids that had rapidly swarmed him and his unconscious brother. Before long, the enemy had overpowered the orange-masked ninja. There had been just too many Kraangdroids and not enough Mikey to stop them. Much to the youngest turtle's horror, he had not been able to protect himself or his fallen brother from being seized by the enemy and thrown into a Kraang truck._

 _Due to Mikey's impatience and complete lack of common sense, he and Donnie had been taken prisoner._

 _Maybe Leo and Raph, too . . ._

" _Oh man! Raph and Leo are totally gonna kill me," Mikey whined, holding his hands over his face, but he still couldn't hide his stress over the situation._

" _Better them killing you than the Kraang. Who knows what heinous acts of torture they'll subject us to in order to extract information from us? Genetic experimentation, tooth extraction, electric shock treatment, thrashings, mind manipulation, denailing, pharmacological torture, mutilation, invasive procedures, starvation – "_

" _Dude! That is SO not helping!" Mikey howled out, cutting his brainy brother off before he could go into any further gory detail. All of a sudden, the younger turtle wasn't feeling so warm and fuzzy inside. He wrapped his arms around his midsection in a self-protective embrace and began rocking back and forth. Thanks to Donnie and his wonderful way with words, Mikey was now even more freaked out than he had been before. Sometimes, his big brother was too smart for his own good._

" _Sorry about that." Donnie let a nervous chuckle slip out, before adding, "I, uh, guess I got a little carried away there. We're gonna be okay, Mikey. I'm sure Leo and Raph will come for us before the Kraang try anything like that."_

 _Not entirely convinced by what his big brother had just said, Mikey sighed and continued to gently rock back and forth._

 _As his little brother tried to console himself, Donnie cast his eyes over the room that they were currently trapped in and his concentration was soon drawn to the heavy, metal door. The genius turtle crawled over to the cell door and started examining the attached access panel, hoping to find a way to pop it off. What he wouldn't have given for his pry bar or a basic set of tools . . . or even just a simple butter knife right about now?_

 _Mikey scooted up beside Donnie and intently watched his big brother while he worked. There was no doubt in the youngest turtle's mind that his genius brother was setting some kind of brilliant escape plan into motion. Not wanting to distract his brother as he tinkered, Mikey just quietly sat there next to him, but after a few minutes of waiting, the louder of the two turtles could no longer stand the silence._

" _Donnie, do you think I'm stupid?" As Mikey posed his question, big tears clouded his normally bright blue eyes._

" _What? No!" Donnie practically yelped out as he glanced over at Mikey for a moment before veering his gaze back on the door. "Mikey, you're a lot of things, but stupid is definitely not one of them. Why would you even ask me something like that?"_

" _Because I'm always goofing everything up and ruining your guys' plans and stuff."_

 _Upon hearing the dejection in his younger brother's voice, Donnie temporarily gave up on trying to reef the access panel off the door so he could give Mikey his undivided attention. He could see that his baby brother was upset and in need of his support. Besides, the whole 'popping the access panel off and simply rewiring the circuitry inside of the door so it opened up' escape strategy wasn't going as well as Donnie had hoped._

" _You're not always goofing up, Mikey."_

" _Don't deny it, bro! I mess things up all the time! Just last week, I got bubble gum in April's hair, I broke the drain pipe under the bathroom sink, I spilled maple syrup all over Atomic Robo-X, I got my Kusarigami blade stuck in the Dojo tree, I jammed up the VCR, and I tore one of the corners off of Raph's Vengeful Ninja poster. Oh, uh, do me a solid and don't tell Raph about that last one, okay? I taped the corner back on the poster and I don't think he's noticed yet."_

" _Yeah, sure, I won't – Wait! You're the one who broke the drain pipe?" Donnie howled and his eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. "It took me hours to fix that leak!"_

" _See! I am stupid. I screw everything up." Sticking his lower lip out to make a pouty face, Mikey emitted a tiny whimper as his whole body appeared to slump down in shame._

" _You're not stupid, Mikey." The tone in Donnie's voice was much softer than just a few seconds before. His moment of frustration over the plumbing disaster had quickly passed and his compassionate big brother side had returned. The genius turtle flashed his younger brother a warm smile while he reached over and reassuringly patted him on the shell. "And you don't screw everything up."_

" _No, just most things," Mikey breathed out with more contempt than Donnie had expected._

" _Stop that. Okay, maybe you make a few more mistakes than the average turtle, but we all makes mistakes from time to time, Mikey. Take me, for instance. I'm constantly blowing things up in my lab. Does that make me stupid?"_

 _Donnie paused for a moment, realizing that that probably wasn't the best example he could have provided. If Mikey answered yes to his question, Donnie wasn't exactly sure how he would proceed with the rest of the conversation. Fortunately for him, his youngest brother answered no._

" _Making mistakes doesn't make someone stupid, Mikey. In all actuality, making mistakes can be a means of gaining insight and wisdom. You know how Sensei is always telling us that a mistake is only a mistake if we don't learn something from it."_

" _Then I guess I'm the wisest one in the family after all," Mikey boasted with a goofy grin that his big brother immediately returned. Donnie then rubbed the top of his little brother's head._

" _Thanks, Donnie. You always know the right things to say to make me feel better. You're like the pepperoni on my pizza."_

" _Hey, what are big brothers for?"_

" _I mean it, bro," Mikey stated in a surprisingly somber tone. His freckled face was suddenly devoid of the smile that typically occupied the space. That was because he wanted his big brother to see that he had truly meant what he had said and what he was about to say. "You're always taking care of me and stuff, D, even when I'm making you all kinds of crazy. Sure, you totally wig out on me sometimes and do that whole weird, buggy eye thing you do, but I know it's just 'cause you care about me. You're an awesome big brother, Donnie. Seriously. And I'm not just saying that 'cause you took a couple of stun gun shots for me. I really do mean it."_

 _Donnie's cheeks reddened with modesty and he bashfully peered down at the floor as he offered his response._

" _That's my job, Mikey. As your big brother, it's my responsibility to protect you and keep you safe." Lifting his head back up, Donnie then placed a hand atop one of his little brother's shoulders before speaking again. "I'll always take care of you, Mikey, no matter what. I promise. And not just because you're my little brother . . . but also, because you're my best friend. I would die if anything bad ever happened to you . . . or to Leo or Raph. I'd do anything to protect the three of you. I love you guys."_

" _I love you, too, D! You're the best, bro! When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!" Mikey exclaimed as he eagerly wrapped his arms around his big brother, momentarily forgetting all about the dire circumstances that they were in._

" _Thanks, Mikey. That's extremely flattering, but when you grow up, I think you should be just like you, because you're pretty amazing just the way you are." With that said, the genius turtle pulled out of the hug so he could playfully nudge his baby brother's chin with his loosely closed fist._

 _The two brothers couldn't help but to smile at one another, but those smiles soon faded as the sound of footsteps approaching ruined the moment and reminded them of just how much trouble they were in._

" _There's someone coming, Mikey. Get away from the door and go stand against the back wall over there," Donnie instructed, doing his best to try to hide his growing alarm. He put on a stern face and pointed in the direction that he wanted his baby brother to go. The genius turtle realized that he was acting more like their oldest brother than himself by doing so, but in Leo's absence, someone had to fill the role of the 'fearless' leader. Or at least try to . . ._

 _As the footsteps drew nearer, the youngest turtle's already huge eyes widened with fear._

" _It'll be okay, Mikey. Once they open the door, I'll try to keep them distracted so you can make a break for it. Don't worry about me. You just make sure you get out of here. Got it?"_

 _Mikey nodded and quickly did as he was told, remembering what had happened the last time that he had defied an older brother's orders. That was the whole reason that they were in this mess to begin with. Plus, he was too scared to argue otherwise. He really didn't want to find out what 'denailing' meant._

 _Donnie pushed himself up off the floor and backed several feet away from where he and Mikey had just been sitting, moving into what he thought would be a blind spot. He was hoping to get the jump on whoever was about to come through the door._

 _Unfortunately, whoever was about to come through the door was the enemy . . ._

" _The Kraang do not see the turtle known as Donatello in the cell where the turtle known as Donatello is supposed to be held. The Kraang demand that the turtle known as Michelangelo tell the Kraang the whereabouts of the turtle known as Donatello."_

 _Mikey gulped nervously while his older brother took a defensive stance, silently waiting to strike. The youngest turtle kept his eyes on the small window in the door so as not to draw attention to Donnie's hidden location. Mikey could see that there were at least three Kraangdroids standing outside of their cell, but there could have been more behind them that he couldn't see. Needless to say, he wasn't feeling overly confident about the plan, but he went along with it nevertheless._

" _Uh, the turtle known as Donnie . . . I mean, Donatello . . . the turtle known as Donatello . . . he's . . . uh . . . down at the cafeteria . . . for his daily rations and stuff." For reasons unknown, Mikey had tried to sound like the Kraang as he had lied to them, but the whole effort was an epic fail at best._

 _Donnie mentally slapped his forehead in disbelief. His little brother had always been a terrible liar, but this took things to a whole new level._

 _The Kraangdroids seemed to be confused by Mikey's response and they stepped away from the window, perhaps to deliberate over how to proceed._

 _Suddenly, there came an unexpected series of sounds from the other side of the door, including weird beeping and whirring, the clashing of metal, the firing of laser guns, some kind of low grunting, the shorting out of circuits, and finally, those annoying, screechy noises that the Kraang made whenever they weren't housed in their robotic bodies._

 _Donnie and Mikey exchanged puzzled glances._

 _Biting his lower lip nervously, the youngest turtle stared at the door while his genius brother readied himself to attack. A lone figure's head could be seen through the window, but it wasn't a Kraangdroid like Mikey had anticipated._

 _Well, not unless the Kraang had started painting their new bodies green . . ._

" _Leo!"_

" _Mikey, are you all right?"_

 _The sound of his oldest brother's voice made the orange-clad turtle want to do a happy dance._

" _Yeah, I'm good, bro."_

 _A second later, another familiar voice sounded out. One that Mikey would recognize absolutely anywhere. Never in all his fifteen years had the youngest turtle been so thrilled to hear his hotheaded brother's voice._

" _Where's Donnie?" There was the usual gruffness in Raph's tone as he asked his question. He then peered through the small window of the cell door in search of his missing brainiac brother._

" _I'm right here," Donnie said somewhat timidly as he stepped out of his hiding place._

" _Raph! Boy, am I glad to see you! What took you guys so long?" Without thinking, Mikey placed his hands on his hips indignantly._

 _Lowering his face into his into right hand, Donnie shook his head in utter exasperation. He had just gotten done telling Mikey that a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn something from it, but yet, there his younger brother was, once again making the grievous mistake of pushing Raph's buttons. Donnie would have thought by now that Mikey would know better than to pose such a presumptuous question to their chronically explosive older brother, but apparently, some lessons were harder to learn than others._

 _Raph looked daggers at Mikey which made the youngest turtle take a few nervous steps backwards, and soon, his carapace bumped against the wall in the back of the cell. He was out of real estate._

" _Aw, come on, Raph. I was only kidding around."_

 _Ignoring his younger brothers' usual banter, Leo got to work on unlocking the door._

" _Hang on, guys. I'll have you out of there in a sec."_

" _You okay, Brainiac?" Raph asked in a far softer voice than normal. It wasn't surprising that he had shown considerably more concern towards his genius brother than he had towards Mikey. That was because the last time that the turtle in red had seen Donnie, the Kraang had been throwing his unconscious body into the back of one of their trucks. And it was all thanks to Mikey once again botching up Leo's plan._

 _Donnie nodded his head before quietly muttering, "Yeah, I'm okay." His lips then curled into a meek smile as he stared at his red-banded brother._

" _How about numbskull back there? Is he okay?" These were questions that Raph obviously could have asked Mikey rather than Donnie, but the temperamental turtle knew full well that his genius brother would give him a far more accurate response. After all, Raph was sure that Donnie had already conducted a thorough checkup on their baby brother. That's what the brainy turtle did whenever they were in a crisis. Checking everyone for injuries was one of Donnie's nervous little tics._

" _He's fine."_

" _That's good, 'cause when I get in there, I'm gonna kill the little runt," Raph growled deep in his throat while pointing a threatening finger at his youngest brother._

 _Mikey whimpered and edged closer to Donnie so that he could cower behind his immediate older brother's shell._

 _The orange-masked turtle remembered that his brainy brother had earlier said that it would be better to be killed by Leo or Raph than by the Kraang, but right about now, Mikey wasn't so sure about that. Not when he was on the receiving end of an evil eye from his most violent brother._

 _On the other hand, Mikey also remembered that Donnie had said that he would do anything to protect him and keep him safe. It looked as though the youngest turtle was already going to have to take his genius brother up on that promise, because once Leo got that door open, Mikey was going to need all the protection he could get. The good news for Mikey was that his closest big brother always kept his promises. The bad news was that Raph was both bigger and stronger than Donnie._

 _Mikey let out another sad little whimper._

 _Sometimes, it didn't pay to be the brother with the best sense of humor . . ._

* * *

The memory of Donnie's promise made Mikey want to curl up into a ball and cry his lungs out, but he was pretty sure if he had another 'episode' while he was supposed to be watching his wounded brother, his family would banish him from the lab permanently.

Straightening himself into an upright position in his chair, Mikey stared down at Donnie's gaunt and near-motionless frame. Never before had the youngest turtle felt so overwhelmed by such a sense of pure sadness. It was as if he had been sucked dry of every single happy thought.

"Aw, Donnie . . . I miss you so much, bro. It hurts. It hurts real bad." A sob tried to make its way out of Mikey's throat, but he was somehow able to force it back down so he could continue to plead with his brother. "You have to wake up, Donnie. 'Cause you promised me that you would always take care of me and keep me safe. Well, how are you supposed to do that if you're in a coma, huh? You promised me, Donnie . . . and you never break your promises. You wouldn't want to lie to your only little brother, would you?"

Mikey nearly choked on his own breath. He couldn't believe how much he missed his big brother. He knew that it had only been a week since he had last spoken to Donnie, but it had felt like so much longer.

"Please open your eyes and look at me, D. Please, I'm begging you. Just open your eyes. You can't just leave me hanging like this. You can't." Mikey's voice quaked with emotion while his eyes shimmered with a thick layer of tears. He continued to hold onto Donnie's flaccid hand like a lifeline, just waiting – praying – for some kind of reaction, but nothing happened.

Mikey's tears then began to fall like rain as he looked down at his unresponsive brother and lovingly caressed the top of his hand with his thumb.

"Donnie, there's something I've been meaning to tell you . . ."

Before proceeding any further with what he had to say, the youngest turtle roughly cleared his throat.

"You know how the TV stopped working in the lair a few weeks back and I said that Ice Cream Kitty did it? Well, that wasn't entirely true. I, uh, kinda, sorta spilled a whole bottle of pop down the back of the TV. The orange kind of pop, not the grape stuff," Mikey clarified as though the particular kind of soda was pivotal to the story. He then drew in a deep breath and continued on with his confession. "And I was totally gonna fix it with April's blow dryer, so I didn't have to bug you about it, but then, there were like these sparks that started flying out of the blow dryer and the TV. And a few seconds later, the TV started to smoke and it smelled like something was burning, so I grabbed the fire extinguisher, but it wouldn't work, so I ran into the kitchen to find something else to douse the fire with. I ended up grabbing a pot of coffee and dumping it on the TV to put out the fire. After that, the TV stopped smoking, but wouldn't turn on anymore."

Mikey felt a strange sense of relief wash over him, having finally gotten that off his chest. He hadn't been able to look Ice Cream Kitty straight in the eyes since pinning the blame on his precious dairy feline friend.

"I bet you totally wanna wake up and yell at me now? Am I right? 'Cause I _so_ deserve it, dude!"

With a gleam of hope twinkling in his eyes, Mikey leaned forward and watched over Donnie intently, assuming that the revelation that he had broken the TV and wasted a perfectly good pot of coffee would make his injured brother jump straight up off his cot and slap him upside the head, Raph-style.

But Donnie just continued to lay there, perfectly still, unintentionally making his baby brother even sadder than he already was.

Still, as much as his big brother was hurting him, Mikey couldn't allow his faith to be shaken by Donnie's lack of response. He reminded himself that he had to be patient. His father had said so. Master Splinter had also said that Donnie would come back to them when he was ready. Obviously, the youngest turtle just needed to give his brother a little more time.

"It's okay, bro," Mikey hiccupped out, barely louder than a whisper. "Take as long as you need. I'm not going anywhere. Not without you."

A small smile passed over the youngest turtle's lips as he placed a hand on his brother's plastron and patted it affectionately. Mikey had meant what he had said. He would wait for Donnie until the end of time if he had to. He just hoped it wouldn't come to that . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I just love Mikey and Donnie moments. They are so cute together. I have to admit, this was probably my favorite of the three flashback chapters, but they are all very near and dear to my heart. I'd love to know which one everyone liked the best . . . 8}**_

 _ **FYI - I will not be posting an update for 'Lost in the Fight' next week or possibly the week after. The kids are off from school, so I will have my hands full. I will tell you that the next chapter will bring big changes to the story . . .**_

 _ **Once again, please take a moment to favorite, follow, and/or review 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying it. It means a lot to me and I would really love to know if you like my story. Thanks so much for reading! =}**_

 _ **Oh, and before I go . . . I know that not all of you celebrate the holiday season, but I just wanted to let you know that I plan to post a new Shell Shot for 'Christmas.' It's not a Christmas-related story, but it's a very special one to me and I wanted to share it with all of you on my favorite day of the year. I hope you like it . . . Happy holidays, everyone! ;) CJ**_


	22. Chapter 22 - Losing Hope

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Happy New Year, everyone! I was a little worried that I wasn't going to get Chapter 22 ready in time to post this week, but here it is. I realize that this chapter is rather short compared to the last several chapters, but it's a very significant one.**_

 _ **Thank you all so much for taking the time to read, favorite, follow, and review 'Lost in the Fight' as well as my other stories. As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review this story if you like it. I would love to know. Thanks for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 22 – Losing Hope**

It had been ten grueling days since the incident at the warehouse, and yet, Donatello remained completely unresponsive, seemingly oblivious to anyone's presence or their pleas for him to open his eyes. The genius turtle continued to show no signs of waking and his family was left to wait in agony, desperately clinging to whatever hope they were still able to summon.

With each passing day, their hearts sank a little lower as the grim reality that Donatello might not pull through began to set in. The thought of losing him was slowly tearing the family apart, piece by piece.

The lair had never been so unnervingly quiet. For the most part, conversations were being kept to a bare minimum as they all tried to avoid an impending emotional breakdown. Most verbal exchanges still taking place between them occurred whenever there was a shift change. As the next family member would enter the infirmary to take over watching Donatello while he slept, the family member ending their shift would provide a detailed update on what they had done and observed during their watch, as well as what would need to be done on the next shift. Not that there was ever much to update on when they got to the 'what they had observed' part of the conversation. That's because Donnie hadn't ' _done_ ' anything noteworthy for days now.

While Donatello quietly seemed to be slipping away from them, his family was also slipping away. The overwhelming angst was gradually killing them inside. If they were to lose Donnie, they would never be able to recover. How could they possibly go on without him?

All would be lost.

Maybe it already was . . .

That was what Leonardo had been stressing out about for ten days straight now.

Were they lost beyond the point of return? Was all hope gone?

The oldest turtle swallowed thickly through his ever-tightening throat.

Presently, he was a little over an hour into his morning shift and it had already been a nerve-racking one.

Perhaps more than anyone, Leo was struggling to keep it together and put on the brave face that they all expected from him. Every day he waged a war against his inner demons, constantly fighting to keep his emotions at bay for his family's sake. It felt as though everything was going to collapse around him and he was at a total loss as to how to fix it. Fixing things had always been Donnie's department. Without him, everything was broken . . .

Leo pressed his lips into a thin line to silence his agony. He was supposed to be the 'fearless' leader. He was supposed to be the one to step up and guide his brothers through even the worst of hardships. The one who provided them with direction when there appeared to be none. The problem was, his own faith had been shaken to the very core and he was finding it incredibly difficult to convince himself to move forward, let alone his family.

A shudder ran through Leonardo's entire body as he thought about just how bad things had gotten. In an effort to comfort himself, Leo pulled Donnie closer to him and rested his chin atop his genius brother's head.

The oldest turtle was currently sitting on Donnie's cot with his unconscious little brother ever-so carefully propped up against his chest. Leo had one arm securely hooked around Donnie's waist and his other arm was wrapped across his injured brother's battered plastron, holding him up in a sitting position.

Donnie's fever had broken several days ago, but Leo still felt a great sense of relief now that he no longer felt the heat that had radiated from his brother's skin for far too long. It was one of the few things that had brought the leader solace these past few days.

While Leonardo used his body to support his most intelligent brother, his eyes remained sealed shut, just as they had been for the last twenty minutes or so. Not because Leo was asleep, but because he had been trying to meditate, hoping that he might be able to reach out to Donnie on the astral plane. Unfortunately, Leonardo's troubled thoughts continued to prevent him from quieting his mind enough to achieve the inner calmness necessary for successful meditation. His profound sadness was making it nearly impossible to relax or focus.

All he could think about anymore was Donnie. That's all any of them could think about . . .

Donatello had had another rough night. In fact, his lungs had gotten so clogged at one point, a very panicked Raphael had called them all into the infirmary at three o'clock in the morning because he had feared that Donnie was choking. Master Splinter had yet again administered the Healing Hands technique to Donatello, which had slightly helped to ease his irregular breathing. At least it had helped enough that the rest of them were able to go back to bed and try to get some sleep while Raph had attempted to get his own breathing back under control.

Several hours later, Leo had returned to the laboratory to relieve his hotheaded brother of his shift and the oldest turtle had immediately noticed that Donnie was still having a rather tough time inhaling and exhaling. Always the stubborn one, Raph had initially refused to leave Donnie's side until his breathing had improved, but Leo had somehow managed to convince his red-banded brother to join Mikey and Master Splinter in the Dojo for morning practice. The leader had seen that his immediate younger sibling was clearly shaken and had been in desperate need of a break from the dreariness billowing over the infirmary.

After Raph had begrudgingly left the lab, Leo had opted climb up on the cot with Donnie, thinking that maybe if he shifted his ailing brother into a more upright position, it might help to clear up his obstructed lungs.

Up until last night, the nasty case of pneumonia that Donatello had been fighting so hard to overcome seemed to have been improving. So much so that they had opted to remove his oxygen mask, but now, the illness had reared its ugly head once again, taking full advantage of Donnie's already compromised immune system.

Leonardo stared down at his smartest brother with the same concerned expression that had been painted on his face for days. The oldest turtle's sapphire gaze studied his brother's quiet form limply pinned against him. Though Leo was still burdened with worry, it pleased him to hear that Donatello's chest was rising and falling steadily with much less hindrance than when the blue-masked turtle's shift had started. Leonardo was suddenly reminded of the words that his father had spoken to him just yesterday while they had been removing some of Donnie's stitches . . .

" _Small victories lead to larger ones, my son_."

After another fifteen minutes had crawled by, Leo's back and legs started to cramp up on him, informing him that he needed to move around a bit. He carefully slid out from behind Donnie and gently lowered him back down onto the cot, being mindful of his brother's many injuries. Leo then grabbed a few of the extra pillows that April had brought for Donnie and cautiously tucked them underneath his genius brother's head and back to help elevate him a little more. Once Leo felt confident that Donnie was reasonably comfortable, he trudged over to the task chair next to his injured brother's cot and plopped down into it like he weighed a ton. He then straightened up his posture and stretched out his sore muscles, wincing as several joints popped and clicked back into their natural alignment. The extreme stiffness in his neck and lower back were telling him that he had been spending entirely too much time sitting around doing nothing. His body screamed out for more physical activity, but he didn't possess the time nor the energy to heed the call.

Rubbing his drowsy eyes, the older turtle let an audible yawn escape. Everyone in the lair was exhausted, both physically and mentally, but none so much as Leonardo. He had devoted the most time by far and away to keeping a close watch over Donnie. Ever since his genius brother had been gravely injured, Leo had stayed by his side as much as possible, just in case his condition changed. The leader in blue had religiously helped everyone clean and treat Donnie's wounds and administer his medications, even when it wasn't his shift. He had also taken to picking up some of Mikey and Raph's shifts in addition to his own, allowing his younger brothers a chance to get more rest and give himself more time with his second youngest sibling. When Leo would get to the point that his body was so fatigued that it required sleep, he would pass out on the table next to Donnie's desk, just like his genius brother would have no doubt done if it had been any one of them lying there fighting for their life.

The oldest turtle's insistence on spending nearly every waking hour in the infirmary had not gone unnoticed by his family. They had all assumed that it was just Leonardo's way of dealing with the guilt and Donatello's absence. It was obvious that Leo was doing his best to fill in for his brilliant brother in his stead. They had each developed their own form of coping with the pain of missing Donnie. Raphael would simply lean against the doorframe of the brainiac turtle's bedroom and glare down at the floor. Michelangelo would stare at the coffee pot on the kitchen counter and whimper over and over again. Master Splinter would sneak into Donatello's room and sit at the end of the empty bed while he silently attempted to meditate. April would thumb through Donnie's many journals and trace her fingertips over his handwriting, unable to actually read it through the tears in her eyes. And Casey – Well, he just did his usual Casey thing, but they all knew, deep down inside, he wanted Donnie back, too.

Leo blew out a defeated sounding sigh.

The constant feeling of helplessness and sorrow was more than Leo could take. It literally felt as if he was being crushed by the immensity of his own grief. He couldn't believe how utterly lost he was without his genius brother.

They all were . . .

Although the turtle in blue was well aware of the fact that it had been exactly ten days since he had last spoken to Donnie, it still seemed as though it had been a lifetime ago. Leo missed his younger brother so much it hurt. It felt like someone was twisting his insides, just as one would when wringing out a wet towel.

The oldest turtle opened his mouth to speak for the first time in an hour and was surprised by the brittle sound of his own voice. The powerlessness that it held was alien to him. It was like listening to some total stranger timidly plead with his wounded brother to return to them.

"We need you to come back to us, Donnie. Things around here . . . they aren't going very well. It's bad. It's _really_ bad. I've never seen everyone so lost. I . . . I don't know what to do anymore."

Leo peered down at Donnie's still figure, half-expecting him to respond, only to be disappointed by his brother's unceasing silence.

"I could really use your advice right about now, little brother." As the oldest turtle choked out his words, he reached forward and placed a palm over the top of Donnie's burned hand.

Then, much to Leo's astonishment, Donnie actually responded to his touch. For the first time in days, the comatose turtle started to moan and stir in his sleep. For the first time in days, Donnie did something other than just lay there.

"D – Donnie?" Leonardo gasped, suddenly finding it nearly impossible to breathe. There was a hard lump caught in his throat as he watched and felt his younger brother attempt to move his hand away from his own.

After Donnie had been critically injured, there had been so many times that Leo had been naively duped into believing that his brother was going to come to, the oldest turtle had lost count. The steady nightmares and fever and pain killer-induced hallucinations that Donnie had suffered through had continuously and cruelly tricked Leo into thinking that his brother was going to regain consciousness, but they had all proved to be false alarms. The genius turtle would always fade back into darkness, unknowingly breaking Leo's heart and spirit, shard by shard.

Then, those periods of activity stopped, presumably because they had taken Donnie off his heavier pain medications. After the nightmares and hallucinations had gone away, the injured turtle had slipped into a catatonic state. He had been that way for days now. Just lying on his cot, completely unresponsive. None of them had seen Donatello move or heard him make a sound – other than his raucous breathing – since the sixth day after he had been attacked.

To see him moving again . . .

To hear the sound of his voice again . . .

What Leo was feeling inside was indescribable. Even after all of the false alarms that he had experienced before, the blue-clad turtle couldn't help but to get his hopes up that his younger brother was going to awaken.

 _Finally_. . .

"Come on, Donnie. Open your eyes for me." The words were no louder than a whisper with what little air Leo was able to rally from his lungs. He was still struggling to regain his breath after the initial shock of seeing his comatose brother start to show signs of waking.

Then, Donnie began to whimper in his now restless and troubled sleep.

"N – no . . . n – no . . . p – please . . . "

Hearing the hoarseness in his little brother's sobs as he begged for mercy tore at Leonardo's heart strings. However, seeing the pain etched on his little brother's face as he twisted his head from side to side made anger curdle in the oldest turtle's gut.

Leo softly shushed Donnie and caressed the top of his head in an effort to pacify him, but the genius turtle only grew more and more agitated by the contact. He started to wiggle about as if he was trying to frantically free himself from something.

Looking down at the faded ligature marks that encircled his brother's wrists and ankles, Leo quickly concluded that Donnie must have still thought that he was tied up.

It took everything in Leonardo's being to bite back a growl. Just thinking about how badly those monsters had hurt his gentle-natured brother was filling the oldest turtle with an inconceivable sense of rage. The kind of rage that he knew his father would never approve of, especially after all that had happened.

Leo exhaled sharply and forced himself to table his malicious thoughts so that he could focus his attention on his brother rather than on his anger. After all, it was anger that had caused all of _this_ . . .

The leader in blue would be shelled before he ever let his own temper hurt his younger brother again.

While the oldest turtle made his silent vow to better control his emotions, Donnie's fussing continued to worsen.

Afraid that his genius brother was going to further injure himself, Leonardo pressed his hands down against Donnie's plastron to hold him still, but it unintentionally frightened the already distraught turtle. In reaction to his older brother pushing him down, Donnie attempted to lift his hands up to shield himself from what he thought would be an incoming blow, but he was unable to move his one arm because it was taped securely to his chest. This caused him to whimper in fear while he shrank back down into his pillows. He then buried his head into his wounded shoulder, as if he was terrified that someone was going to hurt him again.

Pushing back another surge of anger over his younger sibling's frightened response, Leonardo set his face into the sternest of frowns as he held fast to his brother's plastron to keep him pinned down to the cot. He hated that he was upsetting his brother by doing so, but he couldn't risk Donnie aggravating any of his injuries.

After about a minute, Leo felt Donnie's body start to slacken underneath his grip and he had to wonder if it was because his younger brother had actually calmed down, or if it was just because Donnie had spent what little energy he had.

Then, a low piteous moan came from deep within the wounded turtle's raw throat and he once again began to cry out for mercy.

"N – No . . . S – Stop! L – Let me . . . Let me go! W – Want . . . b – brothers. N – No more! P – Please . . . D – Don't!"

Strangling back a sob of his own, Leo took one of his hands off Donnie's plastron to wipe away the beads of sweat that now covered his distressed brother's forehead. The line of perspiration that had broken out along Donnie's brow served as an unpleasant reminder of the fever that had plagued him for so long.

"It's okay, Donnie. It's me, Leo. You're safe now. You're home." As Leo spoke in his most soothing tone, he continued to tenderly brush a hand across his brother's brow and he noticed that Donnie flinched.

"C – Can't. N – No. Let them . . . d – down . . . F – Failed," Donnie stuttered, his voice barely audible. His words were coming out slurred and choppy, as though he was inebriated. His sentences didn't sound at all like the grammatically sound ones that he normally used, which didn't sit well at all with Leonardo. He knew that his smartest brother had always prided himself on being somewhat of a wordsmith, so it was only natural that the oldest turtle would fear the worst when he noticed that his brother's speech had been affected by the trauma.

In the back of Leo's mind, he suddenly heard his father's voice telling them that Donatello may have brain damage . . .

" _I am afraid there is no way to tell at this point just how much damage the repeated blows to his head and the oxygen deprivation may have done. If Donatello does wake up, there is a possibility that he . . . he may not be the same."_

This wasn't the first time that those words spoken by his father that fateful night had replayed in Leonardo's head. They had haunted him ever since they had been uttered, but the turtle in blue couldn't allow himself to be brought down by those pessimistic thoughts. He had to focus on the positive ones. He then remembered something else that his father had said to him that same dreadful night . . .

 _"I sense your brother's presence is with us. We must remain optimistic and encourage Donatello to return to us. Your brother . . . he needs us to help him and for us to be strong, Leonardo."_

The oldest turtle's expression promptly became the very epitome of determination as he assured himself that Donnie would be all right. And even if he wasn't quite the same, Leo would cross that bridge when he came to it. Right now, he just needed to remain optimistic and strong for his brother, just as his father had said.

"No, Donnie. Listen to me. You have _never_ let us down or failed us in any way. The only way you ever could is if you leave us like this. Please, Donnie. It's time to come back to us. All you have to do is open your eyes." Despite the fact that he was doing his best to be strong, several of Leonardo's gathering tears inadvertently dripped down onto his little brother below him.

Leo leaned over Donnie and waited with baited breath for his injured brother to look at him for the first time in ten days, but the genius turtle's body instead went back to being disturbingly still. Other than the lifting and sinking of Donnie's chest, all other movement ceased, leaving the oldest turtle to wallow in his endless misery. His hopes were once again shattered.

As Donnie subsided back into unconsciousness, Leonardo hung his head down in grief, but just for a moment. The leader in blue was quick to remind himself that he was supposed to remain optimistic. After all, his brother had just shown signs of waking after days of no activity whatsoever. Even though he had only been active for a short time, it had still been progress nonetheless.

 _Small victories, remember?_

Lifting his head back up, Leo decided that it would be a good time to check his brother's wounds since he hadn't done so at the beginning of his shift like he usually did. Donnie's labored breathing had caused 'doctor' Leo to change up his routine a bit.

As if it was second nature to him now, Leo gathered up the necessary medical supplies and set to work. He started by carefully unwrapping Donnie's injured shoulder so he could examine the wound for any signs of infection. Leo opted to leave the tape holding Donnie's arm against his chest in place, just in case his brother had another nightmare.

The oldest turtle's piercing blue eyes quickly took to studying his patient. The swelling around the gaping hole in Donnie's shoulder was nearly gone and the red streaks that had once branched out on the skin surrounding the puncture wound were almost nonexistent. There were no visible indicators of infection and Leo noticed that there was new skin starting to form over the wound. Still, the injury was frightening to look at and was nowhere near healed. The wound still needed to be cleaned regularly in order to prevent it from getting infected.

Wasting no time, Leo thoroughly rinsed the wound with clean water, and then, carefully started to apply the antibiotic ointment that Kirby O'Neil had attained for them the day after Donnie had been 'attacked.'

As gentle as Leo had been with his ministrations, Donnie still cringed and whined when his older brother massaged the antibiotic over his wounded shoulder. While it was good that the injured turtle was obviously responding to his brother's touch, it was not so good to hear and see that Donnie was suffering. At first, Leo felt guilty for causing his brother pain, but the guilt was instantly forgotten the second that the blue-clad turtle saw Donnie's eyelids suddenly start to flutter, not just once, but over and over again, like he was trying to pry them apart.

The glorious sight made Leonardo's heart start to flutter just as erratically as Donatello's eyelids.

For a moment, the oldest turtle's breath was stolen away from him and all he could do was gape down at his little brother in slaw-jawed amazement.

Finally, the change in Donnie's condition that they had all been praying for was about to happen.

Finally, after ten agonizing days, Donnie was about to open his eyes . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I know it's kind of a short chapter, but I think it's the one that you've all been waiting for.**_

 _ **Yay! \\(*U*)/ Donnie's waking up! HAPPY NEW YEAR . . . again! XD**_

 _ **Once more, please take a moment to favorite, follow, and/or review 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying it. I appreciate it so much and I really do love hearing from each and every one of you. I know that I always say something along those lines, but I'm being totally honest when I say it. I can't stress enough how important your feedback is to me. When I don't receive feedback, I start to question my writing as well as myself. Your favorites/follows/reviews/messages have helped to build up my confidence and it's the reason that I continue to post. Thank you so much for supporting me and for reading my stories! You're all the best! C=**_

 _ ****Special Note: I also wanted to thank everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and followed my new TMNT Shell Shot: 'What I See.' That really meant a lot to me, because it was such an emotional story for me to write. I'm so grateful to all of you. Thanks, again. ;) CJ**_


	23. Chapter 23 - Ups and Downs

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: The new chapter of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and I'm not even sure how to describe this one. Let's just say that the title of the chapter is appropriate and leave it at that.**_

 _ **Thank you all so much for your time, comments, favorites, follows, and overwhelming support. I wish I could give each and every one of you a great big hug! Sadly, I am forced to settle for sending you hugs instead. Here you go . . . *hugs* C=**_

 _ **As always, please continue to favorite/follow/review 'LITF' if you like the story. Your feedback is extremely important to me and makes me happy. Thank you very much for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 23 – Ups and Downs**

After frantically wiping off what little antibiotic cream still remained on his now trembling hands, Leonardo leaned over his genius brother and watched him with wide-eyed wonder. Every inch of the oldest turtle's skin tingled and prickled with anticipation and the contents of his stomach started doing a series of tumbling exercises as he anxiously stared down at his injured brother.

Donatello's eyes continued to flit and flutter for several more drawn-out seconds before they ever-so slowly opened to about half-mast, but they only stayed that way for a moment or two. As dim as the fluorescent lighting overhead was, it had still been bright enough to burn his retinas, forcing him to scrunch his eyelids together so that they were separated by just a sliver.

The better part of a minute passed before he made another attempt to fully open his eyes. This time, he flapped his eyelids together repeatedly, attempting to blink away the glare and the blurriness. Still, he was finding it incredibly difficult to focus on anything. He could vaguely see an object hovering over him and it appeared to be moving. The light glowing down from above washed over the contours of the entity, but it was still too fuzzy for him to recognize. The hues closest to him were gradually starting sharpen. When he squinted his eyes, he could make out what appeared to be a big, green shadow with a splotch of blue. His heart tightened at the familiar shades of color before him and he was engulfed in a tidal wave of emotions, torn between an unlikely combination of fear and hope. A part of him was terrified that his eyes were misleading him since his vision was currently suspect at best. Another part of him was desperately holding onto hope that it wasn't just a coincidence that the first colors he was seeing were green and blue.

Trying to ignore the growing discomfort in his chest, Donnie inhaled as deeply as his restricted lungs would allow him to. He then held his breath in tight, afraid to move even a muscle. He just laid there motionless and petrified while he peered up at the unidentified object that seemed to be inching closer and closer to him.

"Donnie?"

The turtle in blue felt his breath catch in his throat as he gazed into his wounded brother's open eyes for the first time in what felt like forever. Though they were barely open and noticeably dimmer than usual, those reddish-brown orbs of Donnie's had never looked so breathtaking in all of Leonardo's life.

Once his initial euphoria wore off, Leo soon noticed that his brother's weary eyes held distress rather than the sense of relief that the oldest turtle had assumed would be there. Donnie looked as though he was frozen with fear. The only detectable movement Leo could see from his younger brother was a slight shiver. It was as if the genius turtle was scared out of his shell and couldn't actually see that his big brother was right there in front of him.

"Donnie," Leonardo repeated his brother's nickname a little louder, hoping that his wounded sibling would be able to hear his second attempt to reach him. The older turtle resisted the strong urge to make physical contact with Donnie, afraid that even a simple touch might send his already startled younger brother into a full-fledged panic attack.

This time, the voice registered in the far recesses of Donnie's convoluted mind. He exhaled audibly, allowing himself to breathe again.

That voice. That strong, confident voice that Donatello would recognize anywhere. Just hearing it somehow made the world start to come back into focus and his thoughts progressively became more and more comprehensible.

Without moving anything but his eyes, Donnie blearily glanced around the room he was in, attempting to put the pieces together.

 _Cot . . . bandages . . . heart monitor . . . IV . . . infirmary . . . lab . . . home . . . brother . . . Leo._

Donnie stared up at his oldest brother with a hesitant expression, as though he didn't believe what he was seeing. There was a skeptical little voice in the back of his brain telling him that this couldn't be real. After all that he had been through, it was only natural for him to be suspicious of this image floating before him, but yet despite the horrific trauma that he had endured, a part of him still remained cautiously optimistic.

 _Please be Leo. Oh, please be Leo . . ._

Wanting more than anything for the vision to be real, Donnie swallowed his fear and feebly lifted up his unpinned hand to shakily trace his fingertips against his brother's face. A tiny, elated squeak emanated from his constricted throat as he pressed his hand against the warm skin of his oldest sibling's cheek.

Drawing in a ragged breath, Leonardo reached out and cupped his palm over his little brother's frail hand that was gently clutching his cheek. The stunned look on Donatello's face made the oldest turtle's bottom lip begin to quiver uncontrollably.

"It's okay, Donnie. You're safe. I'm here," Leo soothed in a voice that was so whisper-soft and tender, the words encircled the younger turtle like a comforting embrace.

A heavy layer of tears began to glisten in Donnie's half-opened eyes and his continued blinking pushed out some of the gathering moisture, sending several fat droplets rolling down his pale cheeks.

Leonardo was quick to brush away the tears from his brother's face, taking no notice of the tears accruing in his own eyes as he stared down at Donnie lovingly.

"H – Hi," Donnie croaked in a voice that did not sound remotely like his own. It was so weak and so hoarse, both turtles would have sworn it had been someone else speaking.

While Donnie gazed up at his oldest brother, a small smile graced his face and Leo marveled over how delicate and childlike his brother appeared.

There were so many things that Leonardo wanted to say to his little brother at this precise moment. So many things that he wanted to apologize for. So many things that he wanted to ask forgiveness for. There were just so many things that he wanted to thank Donnie for. But the only word that he could manage to get out without completely losing it was the very same word that Donnie just had.

"Hi."

"L – Leo."

Hearing Donnie say his name after all this time made the oldest turtle's insides instantly turn into a puddle of goo. He wanted so much to scoop his little brother up in his arms and give him a fierce hug, but he couldn't risk hurting him. He instead opted to lower his head down and rest his forehead against Donnie's.

"Otouto." As Leo whispered the term of affection, he straightened up his back so that he could better look at Donnie. Without taking his eyes off his injured sibling, the turtle in blue then climbed up onto the cot and sat beside his brother. There was a smile brighter than the sun scrolled across Leo's face that spoke volumes.

Donnie wholly understood the sentiment, but he was too weak to do anything other than just stare up at his big brother with his teary eyes.

It was at this exact moment that Raph came trudging into the lab with his head hung down in fatigue. In his hand, he gripped a mug of steaming hot coffee by the chipped handle that his thick, green finger barely fit through. He had never really been much of a coffee drinker, not overly keen on the flavor. But in light of recent events, he had started consuming the bitter liquid in mass quantities for the sole purpose of exploiting the caffeine. He needed something to help him get through the long days and nights.

Too worn-out to muster the energy needed to lift his head, Raphael's eyes temporarily remained fixed on his coffee cup. That way, he could concentrate on trying not to slosh the nearly black liquid all over the place as he dragged his shell over to Donnie's task chair and dropped into the worn seat. Raph let out a dejected sigh while he slouched forward on the seat. It was a wonder that the wheeled chair was still holding him upright with the way that he was stooped over in it.

Morning practice had pretty much sapped all of Raph's get-up-and-go. Not that he had had a whole lot of energy to begin with. This had become painfully obvious during their practice session when Mikey had taken him down, not just once, but twice. That had been just plain embarrassing, but it would've never happened in a million years if Raph wouldn't have been so darn exhausted. He needed to wake the shell up. Hence the reason why he had guzzled down three cups of coffee in the past five minutes. He was starting to get as addicted to the stuff as –

 _Donnie . . ._

Just the thought of his brainiac brother made Raph's heart clench with sorrow.

The red-clad turtle lifted his head up, fully intent on staring longingly at his unconscious little brother, just like he had done hundreds of times since Donnie had been hurt.

It was then that Raphael finally realized that there were two brothers staring back at him.

"D – Donnie?" Raph practically choked on the word.

"H – Hey, R – Raph."

The sound of the hotheaded turtle's ceramic mug shattering against the concrete floor of the infirmary resonated throughout the lair, making Leo momentarily flinch, but Raph didn't even seem to notice. In all honesty, the second oldest turtle could've cared less about the now broken coffee cup, since it had been Mikey's cup anyway. Raph also could've cared less about the fact that he had just flipped over his chair in his haste to get up out of the seat and rush to his immediate younger brother's side.

All Raphael cared about was getting to Donnie.

"H – Hey, little brother," Raph stuttered out and a boyish grin spanned across his face. His green eyes then filled with tears as he gently rubbed his knuckles against his younger sibling's head.

Donnie just innocently peered up at his rough and tough big brother through weepy eyes of his own, unable to do much of anything else.

Much to Raph's worry, his genius brother made no attempt to move. Not that he had expected Donatello to leap up off the cot and do cartwheels or anything, but it literally looked as though the brainiac didn't have a single ounce of energy. It scared Raphael to see how visibly weak and drained his little brother looked.

Glancing over at Leo, Raph could see the smile plastered on his older brother's face, but he could also see the concern residing in his eyes. He knew that Leonardo could see how frail their little brother was. He was sure that the fearless leader was just as worried about Donnie as he was.

Just when Raph was about to speak again, Mikey came bolting into the laboratory with Master Splinter following behind him at a much less hyper pace.

"We heard a crash! Is everything all – " The youngest turtle abruptly stopped mid-sentence as well as mid-step when he realized what was going on. For a brief moment, he just stood there in shock, staring at his genius brother while attempting to take it all in. Mikey waited all of three-point-five seconds before dashing over to Donnie's cotside. The orange-masked turtle then quickly pushed his way through his two oldest brothers so he could hover over their injured brother.

"Donnie!" As Mikey screeched out his brother's name, his whole body shook with jubilation. He scrunched his hands into fists and pressed his knuckles together underneath his chin while his huge eyes began to shimmer with condensation.

Master Splinter approached Donatello's cot in a much more subdued fashion than Michelangelo had demonstrated. Once beside the cot, the grateful father wordlessly stared down at his second youngest child. Seeing that his most intellectual son was finally awake brought a warm smile to his face as well as tears to his eyes, just like everyone else in the room.

Donatello returned his father's smile before shifting his drenched eyes back to Mikey, who looked as though his head was about to explode from all the excitement.

"H – Hey, M – Mikey."

That was it. That was all the incentive that Mikey needed. He couldn't hold himself back a moment longer. Mikey then dove forward and tightly wrapped his arms around his brainy big brother.

"Michelangelo! No!" Was all that Master Splinter could get out before his youngest son had Donatello in one of his signature bear hugs.

Unprepared for the sudden physical contact and the pain that would accompany it, Donnie screamed out in agony when Mikey unintentionally moved his badly wounded shoulder. The scream, in turn, triggered a violent coughing fit, and then, Donnie was oblivious to anything but the intense pain. As his chest was racked with uncontainable coughing spasms, every muscle in his body contracted and jerked in response to the pain, which only sufficed to make the pain that much worse.

Hoarse cries of anguish bounced off the walls of the laboratory.

Raph was the first to react to his injured brother's screams. He lunged forward and tried to pry Mikey off Donnie, being careful not to hurt his brainy brother in the process. Once he had separated his two youngest siblings, the hotheaded turtle threw his baby brother down to the floor rather unceremoniously, but it was too late. The damage had already been done.

Another series of strangled sobs erupted from Donnie's clogged-up throat and his face took on the appearance of someone being brutally tortured.

The pain was everywhere. It felt as though his insides were being torn apart by millions of jagged shards of glass.

Everyone around Donatello was stricken with panic as the beeps on the heart monitor rapidly sped up.

Too upset to think straight, Michelangelo simply pressed his hands over his ear slits to drown out the noise while the rest of his family feverishly tried to get his genius brother to settle down.

"Donatello! Please, try to focus on the sound of my voice," Master Splinter said as serenely as possible, trying to verbally reach his second youngest child through his agony. The now distraught father leaned over his injured son and grabbed his hand, squeezing it firmly in his paw. "I know that you are in great pain, my son, but you must calm down."

Still coughing and gasping for air, Donatello's eyes rolled around in his head and he started to go into convulsions. Those convulsions soon became increasingly violent and he started to flail about, making awful grunting and bleating sounds as though he was having a seizure.

Raph and Leo immediately attempted to hold Donnie down against the cot, but they could see by the blood trailing down their little brother's arm that he had already opened up the puncture wound in his shoulder. Leo cursed himself for not redressing the injury earlier. He had been too distracted by his genius brother regaining consciousness, and as a result, he had absentmindedly left the wound unprotected. Luckily, he hadn't removed the tape holding Donnie's arm tightly against his plastron or his brother could have seriously reinjured his shoulder.

"Leonardo! Raphael! Hold him still! We need to increase his pain medication!" Before Master Splinter had even finished barking out his orders, he had already made his way over to the other side of the infirmary and was fumbling through the cabinet drawers.

It was hard not to notice how exceptionally alarmed and distressed their sensei had just sounded. This was definitely not the reaction that Leonardo had expected from his even-tempered father. It was a side of Master Splinter the boys were not used to seeing. Their father had always been one to contain what he was feeling inside, but over these past ten days, he seemed to be having a more and more difficult time hiding his emotions from them. And right now was certainly no exception. He looked to be completely unhinged as he frantically rummaged around for the pain medication.

Finally, Master Splinter found what he was looking for and he rushed back to Donatello's side.

"My son, we are going to give you something to reduce the pain. Do you understand me?"

Unable to hear his family through the agony that refused to let up, Donatello continued to writhe about under his older brothers' clutches. With each involuntary movement of his body, the pain somehow grew even worse than before. The excruciating pain was consuming him, to the point that death seemed like a welcome reprieve.

Donatello's chest began to heave with overexertion and his breathing became chillingly uneven and hitched as he desperately tried to draw in air. Then, the heart monitor alarm started to blare in the background, making it nearly impossible for his family to stay composed.

"Sensei, his blood pressure's too high! He's . . . He's gonna have a heart attack!" Leonardo cried out, overstating the obvious.

Trying to keep his paws steady, Master Splinter quickly administered a heavy dose of pain medication to his incapacitated son. Donatello continued to thrash about under the iron grips of his older brothers for several long minutes until the increased pain medication finally worked its magic. His convulsions began to fade away and his heart rate slowed to a less life-threatening level. His rigid muscles released their tension, and moments later, the injured turtle slipped into unconsciousness once again.

The room collectively breathed out a sigh of relief as they watched Donnie's limp body collapse back down onto the cot. For the time being, he seemed so peaceful and quiet, almost as if he wasn't even in pain, but after what they had just observed, they knew better than to believe that. They had all just witnessed how much agony their injured loved one was going through and it was killing them inside.

With Donatello unconscious once more, Leonardo and Master Splinter promptly tended to his shoulder injury. The new damage was minimal, but the fact that the wound had been opened up again would be a definite setback to Donatello's already slow recovery process. It also increased the chance of him developing an infection, so his family would need to make sure that the wound was good and clean.

Seeing that his father and older brother appeared to have everything under control, Raph gazed down at his genius brother through stormy eyes. He then gently swept his hand across Donnie's forehead before turning towards Mikey, who was still sitting on the floor where his red-masked brother had rather carelessly tossed him earlier.

"YOU!"

Upon hearing Raphael growl out the word 'you,' Leonardo glanced over at his hotheaded brother and saw the anger smoldering off him as he glared down at their youngest sibling. This came as no surprise to the oldest turtle considering what had just happened. In all actuality, Leo was just as upset about it as Raph. He was just better at internalizing his emotions. He always had been.

From his vantage point, Leonardo could see that his most volatile brother's right hand was balled up into a tight fist and his entire body was shaking with rage. Rage that he was clearly struggling to contain. Leo also noticed that Raphael had squared off his shoulders the way that he always did when he was gearing up for a confrontation. It was a gesture that the leader was all too familiar with, for he himself had been on the receiving side of it far more times than he cared to think about.

"Raphael." The turtle in blue hoped that the highly exasperated way that he had just spoken his brother's name would be enough to convince Raph that now wasn't the time to fight. Now was the time to focus on their badly injured brother.

As to be expected, the hothead chose to simply ignore his older brother and continue on with his outburst. He edged closer to his baby brother and shook his clenched fist at him before throwing both hands up in disgust.

"What the shell were you thinking, Mikey?"

"I – I didn't mean to hurt him! I would never do anything to hurt Donnie!"

Feeling nothing short of awful for what he had done, Michelangelo lowered his head in both guilt and shame. It had never been his intention to cause his injured brother to suffer more than he already had. The youngest turtle would have given anything to take back what he had just done.

"Well, you did hurt him, Mikey! Did you see how much pain he was in? It was all your fault!"

"Raphael!" The lair practically crumbled in the wake of Master Splinter's booming voice. He had used that fiercely reprimanding tone that only he was capable of pulling off. Sure, Leonardo tried on a regular basis to emulate that perfect blend of authority and intimidation that their sensei had mastered, but the fearless leader's rendition paled in comparison to his father's.

Hearing that oh-so-familiar tone that even he had grown to fear, Raph reluctantly backed down, knowing better than to tangle with his already stressed out father.

When Raphael took a few steps back, Mikey glared up at his temperamental big brother with an expression that was unexpectedly livid.

"No, this is _your_ fault! This is _all_ your fault!"

The youngest turtle rose to his feet so he could get right up in Raph's face, giving his second oldest brother a bitter taste of his own medicine for once.

Mikey's irate reaction was shocking, to say the least.

"My fault?" Raph snorted in contempt, defensively crossing his arms in front of his plastron and scowling at his enraged baby brother.

"Yours _and_ Leo's! It should be you two lying there in pain, not Donnie! All the bad things that happened to him . . . it was all because of you guys! If Donnie doesn't . . . if he doesn't make it – Well, it'll be all on you two! And I'll never, ever forgive either of you! _EVER_!" Mikey's uncharacteristically cold blue eyes narrowed on Raph, and then, on Leo. His whole body tensed with fury as he continued to hostilely glare at his two oldest brothers.

The turtle in orange had finally reached his breaking point.

On the brink of a total emotional meltdown, Mikey buried his face in his hands just before sprinting out of the infirmary. A few seconds later, they heard the sound of his bedroom door slamming shut.

At a rare loss for words, Leonardo looked over at Raphael with a long face, but his immediate younger brother could not see the expression. That was because he had turned his back to his older brother and his father, not wanting them to see that he, too, was losing the battle to keep his emotions in check.

Master Splinter stood there, stock still, for a prolonged moment, weighing his thoughts. A part of him was proud of his youngest child for being brave enough to speak his mind, but another part of him was greatly concerned about the lasting effect that Michelangelo's remarks might have on Leonardo and Raphael. His two oldest sons were already heavily burdened by their remorse over what they had done to Donatello. Hearing that their youngest brother actually blamed them for everything that had happened could have dire consequences.

"My sons, Michelangelo is just upset. He did not mean what he said." Master Splinter's words were meant to comfort his two oldest boys, but he could see that what he had said had brought them no comfort.

"Yeah, he did," Raph muttered under his breath, hanging his head down in self-loathing.

"Raphael, Michelangelo will forgive you in time. Do not blame yourself for all that has happened. We have all made mistakes that have led to this point."

"No, he's right. It _is_ our fault." As he spoke, Raph's voice cracked, revealing the grief he was feeling inside.

Leonardo was about to agree with his hotheaded brother, but thought better of it. He instead opted to keep his mouth shut and stay out of the conversation, for fear of completely losing his composure.

A sudden, awkward silence fell over the infirmary, and it soon became too much for Raph to bear. Not able to face his father or his older brother a second longer, Raphael fled out of the lab and ran straight to his bedroom. Once inside of his room and out of his family's sight, he leaned his shell against his closed door and slowly slid his weight down to the floor. Drawing his knees into his chest, he hugged his legs tightly while he tried in vain to fight back the tears that refused to take no for an answer. He stayed that way for hours, unable to escape the memory of what Mikey had said . . .

" _This is your fault! This is all your fault!"_

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: This chapter makes me all kinds of sad, but at the same time, I'm so very proud of Mikey for finally speaking up. He really needed to get that off his shell, for he had been bottling those feelings up for entirely too long. *sigh* The family definitely needs Donnie to come back to them soon if they have any hope of fixing all that is broken . . .**_

 _ **Just an FYI, I probably won't be posting an update next week due to real-life hustle and bustle. In other words, I need to spend some quality time with my kids. =D Plus, I've been rather under the weather this past week and I have been instructed to get some rest . . . Sorry for making everyone wait. ='(**_

 _ **If you are enjoying 'Lost in the Fight, please take a moment to favorite, follow, and/or review the story to let me know that you like it. I would really love to hear from you. Thank you so much for reading. Have a fabulous day! ;) CJ**_


	24. Chapter 24 - Waking Up is Hard to Do

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 24 of 'Lost in the Fight' is finally here. So sorry for the two-week wait . . .**_

 _ **I have to warn you in advance that this chapter is**_ _ **extremely**_ _ **emotional. I realize that most chapters in this story have been rather emotional, but this one is a bit of a tearjerker.**_

 _ **I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read, favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on this story, as well as my other stories. No words could ever truly express how much all of your kindness has meant to me. All I can do is keep telling you thank you, over and over again, and hope that you don't ever get tired of me saying it. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You are all 'turtley' awesome.**_

 _ **As always, if you are enjoying my stories, please continue to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on them (**_ _ **Whew! Say that three times fast . . . XD)**_ _ **. I absolutely love hearing from all of you. Thanks for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 24 – Waking Up is Hard to Do**

Two days had passed since Donatello had awoken only to drift back into unconsciousness. During those two days, the mood around the lair had gone from bad to worse. The tension that hung in the air was so thick, it could be cut with a katana.

The only time that Raphael came out of his room anymore was for the occasional bathroom break, mandatory morning training sessions, and to cover his shifts watching Donatello. Whenever he did leave his room, he went out of his way to steer clear of his family members as much as possible. Even during practice, he hardly spoke a word to anyone. He would just go through the motions, and as soon as the training session was over with, he would rush straight back to his room and slam the door shut. He hadn't eaten much of anything the past two days, and from the looks of him, he hadn't slept a whole lot, either.

Michelangelo hadn't been faring much better. He had become far more withdrawn than ever before, and like Raph, he spent most of his waking hours locked away in his room or at Donnie's side. The negative vibe radiating from the once happy-go-lucky turtle was rather unnerving.

A few hours after Mikey's blow-up, Leonardo had gone to his baby brother, seeking forgiveness for his mistreatment of Donnie and for the many wrongs that he had committed against his family. Mikey had verbally accepted the apology, but Leo still felt as though his youngest sibling was giving him the cold shoulder.

The leader in blue supposed he should be grateful that Mikey was at least willing to talk to him, even if it was minimalistic at best. Mikey and Raph had not spoken more than a couple of words to each other since the day that Donnie had woken up for just those few short minutes.

Even though Raphael clearly felt remorse for what he had done, he had neglected to apologize to anyone for his actions. This had not gone unnoticed by Michelangelo and it only seemed to add to the growing tension between the orange and red-clad turtles. Mikey was generally not one to harbor a grudge over anything, but after the incident in the infirmary, he had been doing whatever he could to avoid any and all contact with his hotheaded brother.

Master Splinter had also become increasingly reclusive. While it was not unusual for him to spend hours on end hidden away in his room, lost in meditation, he now rarely came out of isolation. Just like Raphael and Michelangelo, he only left the sanctuary of his bedroom for restroom breaks, practice, and to watch over Donatello. The few times throughout the day that Master Splinter did emerge, it was obvious that he was distracted by his troubled thoughts. Leonardo had even caught his father just staring off into space several times during practice the last few days. Losing focus was something that their sensei would oftentimes criticize them for, but now, he himself was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but his grief.

Just like everyone else in the family . . .

Donatello's condition remained relatively unchanged, which was, in all likelihood, the foremost reason why everyone in the lair was on edge. The endless waiting around was pushing them all past the brink of sanity.

When the genius turtle had opened his eyes on the tenth day after being critically wounded, his family had made the mistake of assuming that he was finally coming back to them. They had foolishly believed that he would soon open his eyes again and everything would be okay. But now that two full days had come to pass without any indication that Donatello was going to wake up, the awful reality that they were going to lose him had crept its way back into all of their hearts.

Many of Donnie's minor wounds continued to gradually fade away and his vitals showed some small signs of improvement, but his major wounds were far from healed and his pneumonia didn't seem to be getting any better. Then, there was the disturbing fact that he was still unconscious and unresponsive. He continued to be kept alive by a feeding tube and this was visibly taking its toll on his body. They could all see how sickly thin he was getting and how gaunt his face looked. Donnie had always been the thinnest one of the brothers, but now he looked almost skeletal, as if his flesh was hanging on him. His skin was ashen, practically taking on a more grayish tint than green. His body was so deteriorated, it made it hard to even look at him.

Hence the reason Leonardo currently had his eyes closed. He hated seeing Donnie this way . . .

The oldest turtle was struggling to keep his family together, not to mention himself. Like the others, he barely slept or ate, but unlike the others, he hadn't been hiding in his room. He had been spending most of his time in the infirmary, trying to be there for his family as much as he could.

It felt as though everything was crumbling down around him and there was nothing he could do to stop it. His family desperately needed him, but he didn't know what to do to help them. He was supposed to be their leader. The one who was supposed to provide them with direction and answers, but with his own hope dangling by an unraveling string, he was finding it exceedingly difficult to convince himself to move forward.

How were any of them supposed to move on without Donatello?

Opening his sapphire-blue eyes back up, Leo stared down at his comatose brother.

"Oh, Donnie. I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss you."

The oldest turtle wearily lowered himself into the chair next to his wounded brother's cot in the infirmary and propped his elbows up on the edge of the mattress. He then took a moment to rub his tired eyes.

"Everything's totally falling apart around here. I'm not sure how much more everyone can take. If you don't come back to us soon . . . I . . . I don't know if we can make it through this. Raph and Mikey . . . they won't even talk to each other. Mikey's not handling things so well without you. He's mad at Raph, and Raph . . . Well, Raph's just mad at the world, as usual. I don't know what to do anymore. I need your help with this one, little brother. You're the one who always helps me with this kind of stuff. Please, Donnie. I'm at my wit's end here."

Leonardo resealed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to press back his gathering tears.

The blue-masked turtle's mind once again wandered back to the rooftop where Donnie had nearly died, just as his mind always tended to do whenever he was missing his brother. The memory of what had happened on that rooftop would forever haunt Leo. He could still see it all too clearly. He could still distinctly hear the last lucid words that his intellectual brother had spoken to him just before he had selflessly sacrificed himself in order to save them. Leo was guessing that reverting back to that tragic night was a means of holding on. Perhaps it was his way of desperately trying to cling to the sound of Donatello's voice.

As the final, heartbroken words that his injured brother had spoken to him that fateful night replayed again and again and again in Leonardo's head, the oldest turtle all of sudden realized that Donnie had actually given him the answers that he had needed all along.

Even from his unconscious state, the genius turtle was still taking care of them.

How could Leo not have realized it before?

With newfound purpose, Leonardo whipped out his T-phone and sent Raph and Mikey a quick text. He then looked at the analog clock wallpaper on his phone and estimated that his two brothers would both arrive in less than thirty seconds. He patiently watched the second hand tick by.

 _. . . ten - nine - eight - seven - six . . ._

"Leo! Is he okay?" Raph gasped out as he ran into the infirmary, completely winded from his mad dash to the lab.

 _. . . five - four - three - two - one . . ._

Just like the turtle in blue had anticipated, Mikey came bolting through the door with a half-second to spare. The youngest turtle immediately rushed to Donnie's side, his eyes wide with panic.

"Is he all right?"

While Raph and Mikey examined their still sleeping brother, Leo got up out of his chair and closed the door to the laboratory. He then turned towards his three brothers and crossed his arms over his plastron.

"What the shell's going on, Leo? Why'd you tell us to come down here ASAP? You nearly gave me heart attack!" There was fire in Raph's voice as well as in his eyes, making it painfully obvious that he was none too pleased to see no change in his immediate younger brother's status.

"Sit down." As he gently spoke the command, Leonardo motioned for his two conscious brothers to take a seat.

Without offering up any form of a challenge, Mikey obediently settled down into the chair that Leo had just abandoned. The youngest turtle had always been more respectful of his oldest brother's leadership than Raphael. That was why it came as no surprise to Leonardo that his hotheaded brother wasn't so willing to follow his simple instructions.

"I don't have to – " Raph started, but was soon cut off by his very frustrated big brother.

"Sit! Down!" Leonardo's voice was thunderous and intimidating – almost Splinter-like – as he violently pointed towards Donatello's cot.

Upon seeing the stern expression on his older brother's face, Raphael resentfully dropped down onto the end of the cot and slumped his shoulders forward in bitter defeat. He then folded his arms across his chest, similar to what Leo had done earlier, only with much more anger. As Raph wrapped his arms around himself, he scrunched his face up into a scowl to further exhibit his indignation.

"Okay, this has gone on long enough! You two need to work this out! Now!" Leo shook a forefinger at Raph, then at Mikey, and then, back at his red-clad brother again just to further stress his point. The oldest turtle knew that headstrong Raphael always required additional stressing of points.

The slumped posture that Raph had adopted just seconds ago instantly shifted into a more defensive position as he fixed a poisonous glare on Leo.

"That's why you called us down here? What? So we can hold hands and maybe sing some freaking 'Kumbaya?'"

While Raph growled his discontent, Mikey remained uncharacteristically quiet. The youngest brother just stared at Donnie, intentionally eluding eye contact with the second oldest turtle.

The two recently estranged brothers were acting like a couple of five-year-olds, pouting because they didn't get their way.

Fed up with the whole situation, Leo stopped shaking his finger, and instead, shook his head in frustration over how juvenile Raph and Mikey were acting. Sometimes the oldest turtle felt like he was their designated turtlesitter, not their leader.

"What would Donnie think if he saw you two acting like this?"

Playing the Donatello card was definitely a low blow. Leo was well aware of that, but he needed to say something that would cut the quick. Something that would essentially be the verbal equivalent of hitting below the belt. He had to get them to see just how petty this disagreement truly was considering their current circumstances.

When Leonardo glanced over at Michelangelo, he could see the tears welling up behind his youngest sibling's orange mask, telling him that he had gotten through to at least one brother. Leo then shifted his gaze to Raph and saw that his most volatile brother was staring down at the floor, evidently just as uncomfortable with the comment.

"Do you know what the last thing Donnie said to me on that rooftop was?" Leo muttered softly, trying not to lose his composure as he continued. "Right before he grabbed onto Tiger Claw's weapon, he . . . he asked me to promise to not let us blame each other for what happened. He wanted us to help each other to heal. Donnie knew that what he was about to do was probably going to kill him, and still, he was worried about us."

Upon hearing this, Mikey immediately lunged forward and buried his face into the blankets on Donatello's cot, vainly attempting to conceal his tears of anguish from his big brothers.

Tears started to glisten in Raphael's eyes, as well, but he managed to hide his pain much more effectively than his youngest brother had. The red-banded turtle sunk his top teeth into his bottom lip to keep it from quivering while he continued to stare blankly down at the infirmary floor. Once his lip seemed to be under control, he opened his mouth to speak, only to have his words came out far weaker than intended.

"Sounds like something the Brainiac would say. Always thinking of us before himself."

"Yet here we are, at odds with one another." Noticing that his own voice was starting to falter in confidence, just like Raph's had, Leo paused for a moment to clear his throat before talking again. "You know, Donnie truly is a genius. He knows us better than anyone. He knew we would blame ourselves or each other for what happened. Even in the face of his own possible death, that overactive brain of his was calculating how we'd react. He's so smart, he figured out that all this would happen. He knew that we'd fall apart like this."

Leonardo fought with all his might to keep from crying so he could finish what he had to say, but it was a battle he was not going to win.

"We . . . we owe it to Donnie . . . to help each other through this. It's . . . it's what he wanted . . . For us to help each other to heal . . . because we're a family. We're _his_ family. We have to . . . W – W – We – "

That was it. That was the exact moment Leonardo was no longer able to hold back his sorrow. He cupped his hands over his face and started to weep into his palms, powerless to control his emotions. He turned away, not wanting his brothers to see him finally break down. He had tried so hard to be strong. To be the rock that they needed, but he just couldn't do it anymore. The pain was too much.

Raphael and Michelangelo exchanged guilty glances, suddenly realizing that the person they'd hurt the most with their anger was actually Leonardo. Their oldest brother always carried around an extra burden that the others didn't have to. He relentlessly held himself personally liable for anything that went wrong, feeling it was his duty and responsibility to protect all of them from harm's way. He was a glutton for punishment and a prime candidate for an ulcer. And now, he was a complete wreck.

"Leo . . ." Though Mikey's voice came out barely loud enough to even qualify as a whisper, Leo had still managed to hear it over his softening sobs.

After a few deep breaths, the oldest turtle twisted back around to face his brothers while brushing away the tears that his mask had failed to soak up. He attempted to gather his wits about him, but seeing Donatello lying there just choked him up again.

"I'm sorry, Donnie. I'm so sorry for breaking that promise . . . and for letting everything fall apart like this. I . . . I'm sorry for failing you." Keeping his waterlogged gaze locked on his wounded brother, Leonardo acted as though Raph and Mikey weren't even in the room with him anymore. He was too absorbed in his misery to focus on anything but the brother that he had broken beyond repair.

"You didn't fail anyone, Leo."

In two seconds flat, Mikey leapt up out of his seat and wrapped his arms around his oldest brother, pulling him into a much-needed hug.

A small squeak emitted from Leonardo's partially open mouth as his baby brother squashed him in his hold. The blue-masked turtle was slightly surprised by the force behind the hug. He just hoped that this wasn't how hard Mikey had squeezed poor Donnie when he had woken up.

After the initial shock of Mikey's crushing grip wore off, Leo was quick to loop his arms around his little brother's shell and lean into the embrace, allowing himself to be comforted by his youngest sibling. The oldest turtle could feel the stress that Mikey had been feeling the past twelve days start to rescind. At the same time, Leo could feel some of his own pent-up stress begin to wilt away as well.

The sound of someone gruffly clearing their throat could be heard from beside them.

Mikey spun around to see that Raph had slowly made his way over to where he and Leo were standing.

"Mikey, I, uh . . . I'm . . . uh – " Raph struggled with the words, hiccupping over what was supposed to be an apology.

Not wanting to waste another moment being angry, Mikey dove forward and threw his arms around Raph. The temperamental turtle grunted and resisted the physical contact at first – not really the touchy-feely-type – but he eventually let his guard down and hugged his little brother back. Mikey could hear Raph quietly sniffling against him and it just made the younger sibling squeeze even harder. Then, much to his delight, Mikey felt Raph return the gesture.

Leonardo stood next to his two brothers with his lips curled into a bittersweet smile. This was what Donnie would've wanted. Leo just wished that his smartest brother was awake to see it.

When Mikey noticed Leo out of the corner of his eye and saw the lost expression on his big brother's face, he hooked an arm around the leader and dragged him into a group hug.

The three turtles held onto each other for a good couple of minutes. No words were spoken during this time. None of them wanted to ruin the moment, but they couldn't escape the feeling that there something was missing. They all knew exactly what it was.

Simultaneously, they broke off the embrace and approached Donnie's cot. They all stared down at their injured brother through tear-filled eyes.

Mikey climbed up onto Donnie's cot and sat beside his brainy brother. As to be expected, the youngest sibling was the first to break the silence that had fallen over the infirmary.

"Remember when Donnie and I were captured by the Kraang that one time?" Mikey paused for a moment to steel himself, knowing that he was going to have a difficult time describing the frightening ordeal that he and Donnie had endured. He took a deep breath before going on with his story. "When they threw us in the cell that you guys found us in, Donnie was unconscious 'cause he'd gotten hit by the Kraang lasers that had been meant for me. I was totally afraid he wasn't ever gonna wake up and it would've been all my fault. Then, when he finally came to, I could tell he wasn't feeling so hot, but he . . . he still took care of me and watched over me. And when the Kraang were about to come into the room – " Mikey paused once more to collect himself " – Donnie was prepared to protect me from them . . . _again_. He didn't care about himself . . . only about me, even though I was the one who got us into the whole mess in the first place."

When his youngest brother let out a heavy sigh to indicate that he was done with what he had to say, Raph swallowed so hard, both of his conscious brothers heard it. The red-clad turtle was trying to maintain that tough guy exterior he was known for, but once again, his voice came out weaker than he had been gunning for. Perhaps that was because he was so shattered inside.

"I should've appreciated Donnie more, when I had the chance. I was always picking on him and being mean to him all the time. I was wrong to treat him the way I did. He deserved better than that. Master Splinter . . . he was right. We took Donnie for granted."

Leo and Mikey were both shocked to hear Raph so willingly admit that he was wrong and someone else was right, but they opted not to draw attention to the fact. They didn't want to spoil the moment by making Raph feel any more uncomfortable than he probably already did.

"It's true. We did take him for granted. I never realized just how much I relied on him . . . until all this. Donnie . . . he's always been there for me . . . whenever I needed him. He's always been there for all of us, no matter what. And he never asked for anything in return. Not once. We should've realized how much we depended on him . . . before it came to all _this_. We should've told him these things sooner."

Raph and Mikey nodded their agreement as Leo continued.

"I know we didn't appreciate him as much as we should have, but we're gonna make it up to him when he wakes up. That's a promise I will not break." As Leonardo made his earnest vow, his falling tears supported the sincerity of his claim. He was attempting to keep his emotions contained, but staring down at Donnie's still form made that an impossibility.

" _If_ he wakes up," Raph said with so much hopelessness, it hurt the others to hear it. The words alone were so dreadfully funereal as is, but the way the second oldest turtle had spoken them somehow made them sound even worse.

"Don't say that, Raph! Don't even think that! He's gotta wake up! He's gotta, 'cause I don't think I can go on without him! I just . . . I just can't!" A pitiful whimper bubbled out of Mikey's throat which just about caused Raph to break down right there and then. The hotheaded turtle abruptly turned away, covering his face with his now trembling hands, unable to look at his two broken little brothers without going to pieces.

Leonardo tried his best to remain calm and reassuring while he watched his two brothers' resolve disintegrate. The turtle in blue had already lost it a couple of times. He couldn't allow his already distraught brothers to see their supposedly strong and level-headed leader burst into tears again. He needed to maintain at least some semblance of dignity, for their sakes.

"Mikey." That first word passed Leonardo's lips as just a breath, but when he continued to speak, he found his 'big brother' voice. The one he knew his youngest sibling needed to hear. Leo's features softened while he rested a hand on top of Mikey's left shoulder. "If there's one thing this ordeal has taught me, it's that Donnie really is the strongest one out of all of us. Maybe not in the physical sense, but he is in the spiritual sense. He never gives up on anything or anyone. He's the heart of this family. The one that keeps us together and strong. He always has been. He's our conscience – the good in us – and our center, and I will not give up on him. Not even for a second, because I know in my heart and my soul that he would _never_ give up on us."

Then, as if on cue, a tiny moan could be heard from the turtle lying next to them.

In an instant, all three of Donnie's brothers were suspended over his battered body. Leo was looming over Donnie's bad shoulder, close to the genius turtle's face. Raph was standing next to Leo, hovering over Donnie's plastron. Mikey – who was still sitting on the cot – was hanging over Donnie's uninjured shoulder.

Their genius brother moaned again and his eyes began to flit about under their lids.

"Come on, Donnie. Time to get up, sleepyhead," Mikey pleaded, his voice taking on a far happier quality than it had for some time now.

Leonardo glanced over at his youngest sibling and saw the innocent faith suddenly beaming in his baby brother's eyes. The oldest turtle shuddered to think how badly it would devastate Mikey if this turned out to be yet another false alarm.

Fixing his gaze back on Donnie, Leonardo said a silent prayer to whoever might be listening before taking his turn at motivating his second youngest brother to wake up.

"Donnie, please open your eyes. It's time to come back to us."

"Please, Donnie. We need you so much, little brother," Raph added in a tone that would best be described as adorable. It was undoubtedly the sweetest any of them had ever heard the temperamental brother's voice sound and Mikey just couldn't resist sighing out an "awww" over the cuteness.

Raph was about to smack his youngest brother upside the head when Donnie started to stir again.

They all stared down at their wounded brother, anxiously waiting for him to wake up.

Then, the unspeakable happened.

Donatello went completely still, and suddenly, the awful rattling in his chest could no longer be heard.

To their horror, Donnie had stopped breathing.

* * *

The last thing that Donatello remembered was blinding white light and being in excruciating pain. Pain in his head. Pain in his shoulder. Pain in his chest. Pain in his leg. The pain had been everywhere, crashing over him like a tidal wave.

How could he not be more than a little leery about opening his eyes again?

A part of him was tempted to take the easy way out. He could just keep his eyes sealed shut and wait for sleep to overtake him once again. It was far less terrifying and painful to simply lie there, wherever _there_ was. Was it his home? The Shredder's lair? Some other country? He had no clue.

Then, there was another part of him that was willing to risk the pain of waking up if it meant there was even a slight chance that he might see his family again.

 _My family . . ._

His lethargic mind vaguely recalled seeing all three of his brothers and his father standing over him in what had appeared to be his laboratory, but he wasn't sure if that had been real or a dream. The pain had been so overpowering, he could have very well been hallucinating. Everything in his head was in such disarray right now, he couldn't trust anything his senses had shown him.

He cringed at the thought that his hazy recollection of seeing his family could have been nothing more than a composition of his overwrought mind.

Then, there came the incoherent voices floating around him once again, just loud enough to cut through whatever state of unconsciousness he was in, but not quite loud enough for him to recognize who they belonged to. He strained to hear them, but as always, he was unable to decipher the voices into something useful.

As he had drifted in this place somewhere in between life and death for who knows how long, he had intermittently heard these garbled voices calling out. They would come and go without warning, although he wasn't sure if it was the voices that were fading in and out at random intervals, or if he was actually the one doing the fading in and out.

When he had first heard the voices, he had thought that he was passing onto the next life and the voices were there to guide his way. He had accepted his fate and was ready to follow, but as time crawled by, he began to feel as though the voices were calling him back to the existence that he had known.

Donatello now found himself at a crossroads, being pulled none too gently between whether to let go or hold on. Every time he thought he had it all figured out, the voices would come back again. With them came a strangely familiar feeling of warmth and comfort, but also a suffocating sense of apprehension and fear.

He had never felt so lost . . .

He had never been so torn on which path to take.

Letting go and jumping headlong into the unknown scared him, but at the same time, it brought the potential of a clean slate. If he let go, there was a chance for a new beginning. Perhaps making this choice would lead him to a better place where he could find acceptance and happiness, but he would lose his family. Was he willing to make that sacrifice?

On the other side of the coin, holding on and returning to what he had left behind scared him as well, perhaps even more so than death itself.

What if he was now a prisoner of the Shredder? He could be subjected to nothing but pain and suffering for the rest of his life.

But what if he was with his family? What if the vision he had seen was, in fact, real, and he was at home with them?

Holding on brought the possibility of seeing his family again, but it also brought the promise of pain.

 _So much pain . . ._

Therein lay the impasse. Donatello loved his family above all else, but after all that had happened, _should_ he go back, knowing that everything may have been damaged beyond possible repair? His relationship with his brothers, his body, his mind, his heart – were these things broken forevermore? After all that had happened, would his family even _want_ him back?

Was he willing to risk the pain of being rejected by his family or tortured by their mortal enemy if he stayed?

Or should he embrace the opportunity to perhaps find peace in the afterlife?

Donatello was still of two minds about his decision, but the time had come to choose . . .

Letting go was hard.

Holding on was even harder.

He took one last breath before he made his final choice.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: What will Donnie decide? Will he choose to let go and leave his family behind? Or will he choose to come back to them? The next chapter will finally answer the question a lot of you have been asking: Will Donatello pull through?**_

 _ **Once again, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying the story. I want to stress that your feedback is very important to me, because whenever I don't hear anything, I start to doubt myself . . . 0_o**_

 _ **Thank you all so much for reading and for being so kind to me, always. ;) CJ**_

 _ ***Special Note: I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who checked out my new 'TMNT Shell Shot' this week. I really appreciate it. *hugs* C=**_


	25. Chapter 25 - Donnie's Decision

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here it is! The chapter you've all been so 'patiently' waiting for. XD**_

 _ **I think it probably goes without saying that this chapter is rather emotional.**_

 _ **A GREAT big thank you to all of my readers. I'm extraordinarily grateful to have so many people still reading 'Lost in the Fight' twenty-five chapters in. You have all been so incredibly nice to me. I don't know if I'm worthy of such kindness, but I sure do appreciate it. Far more than I can say . . . 8'}**_

 _ **As always, if you are enjoying this story, please take a moment to favorite/follow/like/reblog/review/comment on 'LITF' to let me know you like it. I would LOVE the feedback. Thanks for reading, everyone. ;) CJ**_

 ** _Okay, onto the chapter . . ._**

* * *

 **Chapter 25 – Donnie's Decision**

"Donnie! No!" Throwing his usual unshakable self-control to the wind, Leonardo practically screamed out the words, struck by a vivid and sickening sense of déjà vu as he stared down at his little brother's motionless chest. It felt as though his jackhammering heart was suddenly stuck in his throat and no air could pass in or out of his lungs.

He couldn't go through this again. He couldn't lose Donnie after everything that had happened. He just couldn't.

His own words from that horrible night that they had nearly lost Donnie began to repeat in his head . . .

 _Please, don't do this to me, Donnie. Take a breath._

Well, at least Leo had thought that the words had been repeating in his head. It took a few prolonged seconds for him to become dimly aware that he was actually saying them aloud, like a mantra for all to hear. Once he realized that he was just standing there like an idiot, saying the same thing over and over again, rather than helping his lifeless little brother, he mentally slapped himself.

 _Come on, Leo! Pull yourself together!_

But it was kind of hard to pull oneself together when Mikey kept whimpering Donnie's name – just like he had that night on the rooftop.

Raph, on the other hand, just stood there clenching his fists, his silence also eerily reminiscent of that night.

A twinge of dread lanced its way through Leonardo's gut.

It was as if history was repeating itself and they were being forced to relive the whole ghastly nightmare all over again.

Attempting to push the memory of that night into the furthest recesses of his mind, the leader in blue leaned over his unresponsive brother and anxiously checked for a pulse.

 _Please, don't do this to me, Donnie. Take a breath._

This time, Leo knew the words were inside his head, because he didn't have the breath to speak them.

It was at that moment that Master Splinter entered the laboratory.

Upon hearing his oldest son's distressed voice cry out, Master Splinter had bolted towards the infirmary, where he found his three conscious boys gathered around his unconscious son's cot. It only took but a moment for the father to figure out why there had been such panic in Leonardo's voice. Splinter shook his head in disbelief as he looked at his second youngest child's bloodcurdlingly still and silent body.

"No! My son," Master Splinter gasped out when he saw that his oldest boy had the tips of his fingers pressed up against Donatello's neck. The realization that his comatose son was not breathing had been devastating enough, but seeing Leonardo checking for a pulse was nothing short of horrifying. Though visibly shaken, the distraught father rushed to his wounded son's side to assist in any way possible.

Afraid that he might get in the way, Michelangelo pushed himself down off the cot and took several clumsy steps backwards. His big, blue eyes never left Donnie's stock-still form while his mouth gaped open, as though to cry out in agony, but he didn't make a sound. He could only stare.

Less than a minute had actually passed since his big brother had stopped breathing, but to Mikey, it had seemed like hours. It was as if everything was moving in super slow motion and he was helplessly watching from afar. Even if there was something he could do to help, his legs would've prevented him from doing so. They suddenly refused to move, paralyzed with fear. It was a wonder they were even able to hold him upright.

The whole thing was just too much for Mikey to take.

It was too much for Raph to take, as well. He finally broke his silence and went right into irrational mode.

"No! You can't do this to us, Donnie! You can't just quit like this! I won't let you die on us!" Raph shouted, readying to beat down on Donatello's chest, the same way that his youngest sibling had done to bring their genius brother back to life on that rooftop.

The hotheaded turtle wasn't about to lose his little brother. Not so long as there was breath in his own body. He'd beat the shell out of the Grim Reaper himself if he had to.

No one was taking his brother away.

 _No one!_

As Raphael raised his balled up hands into the air, Leonardo stepped in front of him and grabbed him by the arms just in time to stop his red-clad brother from needlessly smashing his fists down into Donatello's broken plastron.

When Raph violently tried to tear himself away from his older brother, Master Splinter's voice bellowed out.

"Yamete!"

Still, the temperamental turtle attempted to break free. It wasn't that Raphael hadn't understood his father's command or recognized the intensity behind it. He had just chosen to ignore it. If his father wanted to punish him for his disrespectful actions, then so be it, but he wasn't going to just stand there and let his younger brother die.

As Raph continued to struggle in Leonardo's grasp, he felt a pair of paws latch onto his shoulders. The grip was strong, but surprisingly gentle, as was the voice that subsequently followed.

"Raphael, listen. The heart monitor. It is still beeping."

With that said, both Raphael and Michelangelo stared at the green line jumping across the heart monitor screen. The two of them were trying to process what Leonardo and Master Splinter had already figured out.

"He's holding his breath," Leo informed his brothers.

It took a few moments for the two shocked turtles to realize what their oldest brother had said, and longer still to figure out what it had actually meant. When it finally dawned on them that Donnie wasn't about to die, Raph and Mikey eagerly looked back down at their injured brother.

As though he had heard Leo's words and felt all their gazes now upon him, Donnie's chest ever-so slowly began to rise and fall and the familiar sound of his wheezing filled the room once more.

Again, Leonardo was struck with a sense of déjà vu, only this time, it was far, far sweeter.

They all watched as Donatello opened his eyes.

* * *

When he finally found the courage he had been searching for, he allowed himself to inhale and exhale again, gulping down air as deeply as he could. There was no mistaking that there was something seriously wrong with his lungs, but he didn't have a clue what could be causing him such discomfort.

 _All the more reason to open your eyes . . ._

Drawing in one more shallow breath, he forced his eyelids apart, but he instantly had to narrow them into a squint to limit the light now filtering in. As to be expected, the overhead lighting was glaringly bright, but it wasn't rendering him completely blind like the last time he remembered waking up. He blinked several times to adjust his vision and the objects surrounding him soon became less and less blurry.

Glancing around the room, he did a quick mental inventory, just as he had done when he had opened his eyes before. This helped him to rationalize things.

 _Cot . . . bandages . . . heart monitor . . . IV . . . infirmary . . . lab . . . home . . . brothers . . . father . . . family._

 _FAMILY!_

He looked up and saw four teary-eyed figures staring down at him. The sight immediately made his own tears start to well up.

"Hey, Donnie," Leonardo whispered as he held his hand against the side of Donnie's face, lightly stroking his brother's cheek with his thumb. The oldest turtle could feel his genius brother almost imperceptibly leaning into his touch. The tender gesture brought a warm smile to the leader's face. Donnie then pressed his own lips into a faint smile, and soon, his whole family was grinning from ear to ear.

"You gave us quite a scare there, little brother. I'm pretty sure you shaved about ten years off my life." Something about Raphael's tone was noticeably off as he spoke those words. The usual sarcasm was missing, replaced by warmth and an affectionate expression to match. It was making the genius turtle a bit nervous about how extensive his injuries were, but he chose not to ask.

"S – Sorry." Donatello's voice was so hoarse, his family could barely hear it. They weren't sure if this was from his illness or from a lack of usage. Then again, maybe he was just that weak.

"There is no need to apologize, Donatello. You have done nothing wrong." As Master Splinter spoke, he came up beside his second youngest son's shoulder and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. He then straightened back up and petted the top of Donatello's head dotingly. "Though I will admit, you had us all greatly worried, my son. We are so very thankful and happy to see you awake."

"Super-duper happy, bro! I missed you big time, D!" Though Mikey was just itching to wrap Donnie up in a massive hug, he remembered that hadn't gone over so well the last time his big brother had woken up. He decided another game plan would be in everyone's best interests. Donnie's especially.

"I don't wanna hurt you like the last time, so I'm giving you a raincheck for the biggest hug in history. You can use it when you're feeling better, 'kay?" Mikey carefully took Donnie's hand in his, treating his injured brother's hand as though it was a delicate flower he might crush if he squeezed it too hard. The youngest turtle was being so cautious, Donnie could hardly feel his brother's grip.

Smile growing a little wider, Donatello squeezed back. The frailness of his grip made Mikey's heart break, but he put up a brave front for his big brother.

"Oh, Donnie, I love you so much. You have no idea how totally lost I was without you, bro!"

The loving words uttered by his younger brother made tears start to spill from Donatello's half-opened eyes. Without his mask there to soak them up, they rolled down his cheeks like tiny rivers of emotion. Although he hadn't been able to stop his tears from falling, he did manage to stop himself from out-and-out sobbing. Well, for the most part. He couldn't quite stifle all of his sobs and a few of them came out in small, squeaky hitches on account of his congested lungs and throat. Embarrassed by his tears and the goofy high-pitched sounds he had just made, Donnie timidly retreated deeper into his pillows, hoping his family hadn't noticed.

 _Of course they noticed, genius! They're all staring at you . . ._

He closed his eyes for a moment to curse himself, but when he pried them back open, he suddenly didn't feel so self-conscious about his demonstration of weakness. Not when he saw that the rest of his family had tears running down their faces as well. Even his two big brothers, which was something Donnie rarely saw. Then, he watched on through watery eyes as each member of his family leaned down and rested their head on one of the less injured parts of his body and wrapped their arms around one another in the gentlest group hug physically possible.

As his family cuddled up against him, Donnie was just about to lose his composure when his clogged-up chest insisted on sullying the beautiful moment.

Though he tried with all his might to suppress it, Donnie couldn't prevent a coughing fit from escaping his irritated lungs. His face contorted into a grimace as he pulled his hand free from Mikey's so that he could clutch at his aching chest. His family quickly backed away from him, afraid that their hug had triggered the reaction, just like Michelangelo's hug had two days ago.

There was still a significant amount of pain every time that he coughed, but to Donnie's relief, it was much more tolerable than he recalled. Judging by the lightheaded feeling he was experiencing, he had some heavy painkillers to thank for that. This also shed some light on why his brain felt like it had been dunked in tar.

When the coughing fit seemed to be over, Donnie tried to shift his weight in hopes of finding a more comfortable position. His feeble attempt to move instantly sent his family into hysterics.

"No! You need to lie still, Donnie!" Leonardo ordered in a surprisingly firm tone as he pressed his hands down against his genius brother's battered plastron. At the same time, Master Splinter softly held Donatello's head in place while Raph detained his brainy brother's upper legs and Mikey pinned down his uninjured shoulder. Donnie noticed that Leo's grip was the only one that was causing him a tremendous amount of pain, even though he could tell that his oldest brother was trying his best to be gentle.

The wounded turtle grimaced again.

 _Okay, that hurts way more than it should_ . . .

Shifting his eyes down to his chest, Donnie noticed the deep bruising all over his upper plastron. He couldn't see how far down the bruising extended, since there was a blanket covering the lower half of his plastron, but what he could see looked horrible.

"Chest . . . hurts."

Donnie's three brothers' faces somehow grew even more wrought with concern as he peered up at them with questioning eyes.

"You've got pneumonia, Donnie. We've been giving you antibiotics to try to knock it down," Leonardo said with a heavy pang of guilt.

When Donnie lifted his gaze up, he noticed that his oldest brother looked about as awful as he felt. The genius turtle couldn't help but wonder when the last time Leo had gotten a decent night's sleep had been. The fact that the leader looked like warmed over death also made Donnie wonder just how long he had been unconscious for.

The sound of Raph's voice cut through the brainiac turtle's thoughts, but only for a fleeting moment.

"Plus, you've got a few broken ribs."

Upon hearing those words, Donnie's stare returned to his plastron and his brow furrowed in contemplation yet again.

While pneumonia explained the thick congestion in his lungs and the painful breathing, it didn't account for the heavy bruising all over his upper plastron.

Then, there was the injury to his ribs. While that certainly could be the explanation for the intense pain and the bruising, the amount of bruising seemed rather excessive for a few broken ribs.

Donnie's mind wandered back to the night of his attack, which sent a shudder up and down his spine. He recalled none too fondly that Grizzgore had punched him in the chest, and then, the mutated grizzly bear had jumped on top of his plastron and sunk his claws into him, but he was still reasonably certain that that didn't account for all the numerous contusions that dotted the scutes of his plastron. There were dozens of them. It looked as if Raph had substituted him for the lair's practice dummy. His chest hadn't looked like that when he had grabbed onto Tiger Claw's weapon.

The memory of that night made Donnie shudder once more.

 _What? Did they kick me when I was already down?_

 _That's just my luck . . ._

Officially out of theories, Donnie peered back up at his brothers with eyes now wide with confusion.

"Wh - what h – happened . . . t – to my p – plastron?" The genius turtle stuttered out in a voice that was getting more and more gravelly and muddy-sounding with each word that he spoke.

"Yeah, about that, bro . . . " Nervously rubbing a hand against the back of his neck, Mikey turned his gaze away from his brainy brother. Donnie noticed that his older brothers did the same. The only one that didn't turn away from him was his father.

Even in his medicated and debilitated state, Donnie could easily tell from his siblings' uneasy reactions that the injury to his chest held some sort of significance. It appeared to be hurting his brothers more mentally than it was him physically.

Something bad had happened.

Something so bad that his brothers couldn't even look him in the eyes anymore.

Donnie glanced down at his chest again, assessing the markings. Then, it dawned on him.

"Cardio . . . pulmonary . . . resusci . . . tation."

That would unquestionably explain the heavy bruising, the broken ribs, as well as the severe pain. The genius turtle mentally criticized himself for not thinking of it sooner, but then, he reminded himself that he _was_ on painkillers . . .

"Say what?" The youngest turtle had a puzzled look on his face as he asked the question.

"CPR, Mikey. CPR . . . stands for . . . cardiopulmonary . . . resuscitation," Donnie reiterated in his hoarse-sounding voice.

Mikey's bottom lip suddenly began to quiver and his eyes pooled with tears as he pressed his shaky hands to his cheeks in excitement, evidently moved by something that Donatello had just said or done.

"Oh, Donnie! You used big, brainy words!"

"Uh . . . yeah." For a few awkward moments, the smartest turtle just stared up at Mikey, blinking in bewilderment over his brother's overly jubilant response. Donnie's thought process was still somewhat hazy and sluggish at this point, but he was gradually able to put the pieces together in his head.

 _Grabbing onto a souped-up stun gun . . . CPR that resulted in that many bruises . . . Concern about my vocabulary usage . . ._

Donnie gazed up at his family with much bigger eyes than just seconds before.

"Exactly h – how long . . . was I n – not breathing?"

With that one question, Mikey broke down into a blubbering mess.

"Oh, Donnie! It was totally awful, bro! You weren't breathing or moving or doing anything, dude! Your lips were all blue, like Leo's mask! We all thought we'd lost you! And then, Leo started giving you CPR for what seemed like forever! He pumped and pumped, and blew air into your mouth – which was totally gross, by the way. But you just laid there! And then, Leo quit 'cause you weren't doing anything and we thought – we thought you were gone! I . . . I've never been so scared in my whole life!" The youngest turtle finally paused to take a much-needed breath. His huge, blue eyes were stricken with dismay over the appalling memory of what it felt like to lose his brother, even if it had only been for a few minutes. They were the worst minutes ever.

While Mikey tried to get his breathing back under control, Raph and Leo exchanged guilty glances.

"And then . . . wh – what?" Donnie inquired with his croaky voice and watched his siblings' reactions. His brain must've been coming around, because he was starting to pick up on small details. For instance, he had noticed that his brothers would cringe and massage the front of their necks every time that he spoke. That was probably because it sounded painful whenever he talked. His brothers were right. It was.

Donnie cleared his throat, but the only purpose that seemed to serve was to cause him even more discomfort. His family once again cringed.

After Mikey was done grabbing his neck in sympathy, he replied to his big brother's question as though the answer was quite obvious. There was definitely a distinct 'duh' tone in the orange-masked turtle's voice as he responded.

"Well, then you started breathing again."

Donnie fought off the inclination to roll his eyes. It seemed like too much effort.

"Not . . . what I m – meant . . . Mikey. I meant . . . what happened . . . after Leo . . . s – stopped CPR?"

A hush fell over the room, as if no one was sure how to answer that question.

The suspense was killing the genius. He knew for a fact that if Leonardo had given up on reviving him, there must have been no trace of hope left. His oldest brother dedicated his life to watching over them and protecting them, so he wouldn't just give up unless he felt there was absolutely no chance of survival.

 _So . . . why am I still alive?_

The youngest turtle once again sheepishly rubbed his hand against the back of his neck.

"Mikey happened," Raph finally interjected, saving his baby brother the trouble.

Donnie's eyes darted from brother to brother to brother while he waited for further clarification.

"Yeah . . . I – uh, kinda, sorta lost it and kept slamming my fists down onto your plastron over and over again until you finally started breathing. That's – um, probably the reason why your chest hurts. 'Cause I – uh – Well, I pretty much went all crazy and beat the shell outta you. Sorry about that, bro," Mikey said remorsefully, tilting his head down in shame.

As soon as Mikey dropped his head down, Donnie reached his hand out and enclosed it around one of his younger brother's. He was about to thank his baby brother when Master Splinter jumped in, hoping to spare Donatello from the exertion of speaking.

"Michelangelo, you saved Donatello's life, and for that, we will all be eternally grateful to you. You have nothing to be sorry for, my son. Nothing at all."

"Yeah, Mikey. Donnie's still here because you never gave up on him. You saved him, Mikey. Thank you," Leonardo piggybacked off the praise that Master Splinter had started. The oldest turtle then reached out and gripped Mikey's shoulder, the way that his father oftentimes did when encouraging them. When Mikey looked up and saw that Leo was smiling proudly at him, it made the youngest turtle's round, freckled face blush.

Internalizing a groan, Raph soundlessly feigned a gag over his older brother's blatant brown-nosing efforts. The hotheaded turtle was toying with the idea of calling Leo a "Splinter Wannabe," but decided against it, assuming that Master Splinter would not find humor in the comment.

While his second oldest brother attempted to contain his feelings, Mikey's came gushing out.

"I never gave up on Donnie because I kept telling myself that he would never give up on me if the shoe were on the other foot. Not that we wear shoes, but you know what I mean, bro."

Wriggling himself free from Leo's hold on his shoulder, Mikey then lowered himself down over Donnie and gave his wounded brother a strange-looking form of a hug. The youngest turtle rested his head on Donnie's abused plastron, just next to where his brother's arm was taped down. After that, Mikey placed one hand on Donnie's good shoulder and his other hand on his wounded brother's opposite side and squeezed as softly as he could.

As gentle as his baby brother was trying to be, Donnie still felt some discomfort from the hold around him, but he didn't mind so much. It was worth the pain.

"Yeah . . . I know . . . . what y – you mean . . . Mikey," Donnie rasped out while he patted his little brother on the carapace. This caused Mikey to unknowingly start to tighten his grip on his brainy brother, but a small moan from Donnie told him that he was squeezing too hard. The turtle in orange then abruptly broke off the embrace before he accidentally hurt his big brother again.

"Sorry, bro. I guess I don't know my own strength."

"I know. B – Believe me . . . I know." To further emphasize his point, Donnie rubbed his sore plastron.

Mikey bit his lower lip guiltily, but his genius brother was quick to try to cheer him.

"It's okay . . . Mikey. Y – Your . . . r – rather . . . unorthodox . . . methods . . . s – saved . . . m – my . . . life. Thank you." The expression of gratitude was immediately followed by a warmhearted smile which made the youngest brother giggle happily.

Unfortunately, the smile on Donnie's face soon altered into an expression of anguish as another wave of pain swept through him. He unintentionally let a small whimper sneak out, which made his family's faces turn down into frowns yet again.

Master Splinter had noticed that Donatello's eyes were starting to droop, as though it was an immense struggle just to keep them open. Splinter had also heard the difficulty in his second youngest son's breathing and speaking. Donatello's words were getting further and further apart and he was stammering over them. Now that the worried father saw the pained expression on his son's face, he realized that the joyful reunion would have to be cut short for his wounded child's sake.

"My sons, we must let Donatello sleep now. Your brother is very weak and he requires additional rest," Master Splinter said in a no-nonsense tone, knowing that his words would not be well-received by his children. He was well aware that they would not want the moment to end. Neither did he, but he could not put Donatello's health at risk over their own selfish needs.

A collective "ahhh" sounded out, including Donatello's brittle voice. It reminded Master Splinter of when the boys were much younger and they would complain about being forced to do chores or having to go to bed 'too early.'

"D – Don't w – want . . . to s – sleep," Donatello breathed out.

It was so sweet, Master Splinter nearly changed his mind, but he reassured himself that it was for his son's own good.

"Donatello, you need your rest." A hint of strictness came through in Master Splinter's tone. Just enough to show that he was not going to budge on the matter. In an effort to console his injured son, Splinter stroked Donatello's forehead and smiled dotingly.

Having heard the uncompromising tone in his father's words, Donatello gave a slight nod of acceptance and subsequently sunk deeper into his pillows. The genius turtle knew better than to argue with _that_ tone. Besides, his father had been right. He did need rest. He was completely worn out and it was taking every last bit of energy he had left just to stay awake.

Flashing his family a wisp of a smile, Donnie then closed his eyes and wheezed out a sigh, already feeling sleep coming on.

"But Donnie just woke up," Mikey whined as he watched his injured brother almost instantaneously fall into a deep slumber. It was like someone had flipped a power switch on Donnie to the off position. The youngest turtle didn't want his brother to shut down yet. Not so soon. Mikey was afraid that if he let Donnie fall asleep now, he might not get to see him for several more days. Maybe longer . . . The turtle in orange was sure he couldn't handle that again.

Sensing his youngest child's apprehension, Master Splinter spoke in his most soothing voice.

"And he will wake up again, but right now, you can plainly see that your brother is exhausted, Michelangelo. Donatello is not to be disturbed for the remainder of the day. I know you all want stay with your brother, but it is very important that we not push Donatello too hard. He is not well and he needs his rest. We must not overwhelm him until he is stronger." Before he even finished his last sentence, Master Splinter was already shooing the three concerned brothers away from their now sleeping sibling.

None of them wanted to leave, so they just backed away a couple of feet and stopped.

Patience starting to wear thin, Master Splinter cast a disapproving glance at his sons that made them all flinch, but still, they stood their ground.

"But it's my watch, Sensei."

"Yes, what you speak is true, Leonardo." Splinter tugged at his beard in thoughtful deliberation for a few seconds. Then, his eyebrows flicked up sardonically. "But I believe you have picked up enough extra shifts as of late. I will watch over Donatello. You three are not to come in here until you have been given my permission. Have I made myself clear?"

Realizing that their father wasn't about to back down, the three sons bowed their heads in reluctant submission and simultaneously grumbled "Hai, Sensei" before leaving the lab.

Once his three healthy sons were gone, Master Splinter fondly gazed down at Donatello.

His beloved son had come back to them, but the battle was not yet won.

The physical recovery that lay ahead would be very extensive and extremely hard on Donatello, but Master Splinter feared that his young son's emotional recovery would prove to be even more of a difficult challenge. Mending Donatello's broken spirit would be no easy task.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: He's awake! Finally! Is anyone else as excited about this as I am? Because I'm super-duper excited! *fist pump* I missed Donnie so much, I was suffering withdrawals. I couldn't wait to get to this chapter so I would be able to write 'Donnie sass' again. *squeals with delight* =D**_

 _ **Just a heads up . . . The next chapter is a long one, so I may not be able to get my editing done by next week. I might have to break the chapter into two parts, since it's currently nineteen pages.**_

 _ **Speaking of future chapters, I've recently had several readers express concern that there are only a couple more chapters left in this story, and now that Donnie is awake, I should probably address that. Yes, there are a couple of chapters left . . . and then, a couple more after that, and a couple more after that. XD Actually, there are still over a dozen chapters left. The story is about two-thirds of the way done at this point. In other words, there's a whole lot of angst, feels, brotherly fluff and posttraumatic stress to come. Plus, the story will have a bit more humor mixed in now that Donnie's conscious. Hopefully, that's the answer everyone was waiting for. And if you were hoping that the story was nearing the end, well . . . uh, sorry? C:**_

 _ **Once again, please favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on this story if you are enjoying it. I would really, really love to know. Your responses make me happy. Thank you very much for reading and have a great day! ;) CJ**_


	26. Chapter 26 - Broken

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Well, I decided to split chapter 26 up so I could post part of it this week. I hope you don't mind . . .**_

 _ **As always, I want to thank everyone for reading, 'favoriting', following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on this story as well as my other stories. Please continue to do these things if you are enjoying what I have written. I really appreciate the feedback and the support.**_

 _ **I hope you like the chapter . . . ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 26 – Broken**

A low moan escaped Donatello's lips as he started to come out of his slumber.

 _Funny, I don't remember the lights in the lab being so obnoxiously bright before . . ._

"Hey! Look who's awake," came the comforting sound of his oldest brother's voice and hearing it somehow lessened the pain circulating throughout Donnie's entire body, but not by much. He still felt absolutely horrible.

Upon seeing his genius brother's eyes flitter open, Leonardo had carelessly tossed aside the outdated magazine that he had been skimming through so that he could roll his chair closer to Donnie's cot.

"Good morning, little brother. How are you feeling?"

There was a significant pause before the answer was given.

"Much better."

Yes, that had been a bald-faced lie, but if Donnie would have told Leonardo the honest truth about how he really felt, he was afraid that his sometimes overbearing brother would simply order him to go right back to sleep.

Peering over at Leonardo, Donnie watched his big brother skeptically raise one side of his eye ridge and pucker his mouth into a stern scowl.

 _Busted . . ._

The brainy turtle instantly started to gnaw on the inside of his lower lip while he turned his gaze away from his older brother, two gestures that further verified that he had been lying through his teeth.

"Okay, let's try this again, Donnie. I say, 'How are you feeling?' And this time, you tell me the truth. How are you feeling, Donnie?"

The no-nonsense expression on Leonardo's face told the injured turtle that he wasn't going to be able to talk his way out of this one.

A sickly-sounding wheeze deflated out of Donnie's chest before he groaned his response.

"All right. If you must know . . . I feel like I got hit . . . by a Kraang Stealth Ship."

Curling his mouth into a sort of half grimace/half frown, Donnie pressed his hand against his aching plastron. Of all the things wrong with him, he wasn't even quite sure what hurt the most – the surplus of contusions and wounds, the throbbing head, the broken bones, or the pneumonia. Not that it really mattered which one was the worst. All of them combined were pretty much making him miserable.

"Well, your voice sounds a little better." As soon as Leonardo had said those words, he regretted them. His corny 'look at the bright side' comment had been nothing more than a selfish means for him to try to ease his guilty conscience. There was no doubt in his mind that his overly perceptive brother would see right through such a trite statement and recognize that the watery attempt to seek out something positive amidst all the negatives was just Leo's way of trying to make himself feel slightly better about what he had done.

The sound of Donnie groaning again pulled Leo out of his disparaging thoughts and his mood soon lightened when he saw his little brother staring at him with his puppy dog eyes.

Leo had missed those eyes oh-so much . . .

"How long have I been out?"

'Too long' was the first answer that popped into Leo's head, but he instead went with a smart-alecky remark, trying to keep the conversation upbeat. At least for now, anyway . . .

"Which time would you be referring to?" There was a smirk more befitting of Raph stretched across Leo's face and Donnie was quick to retaliate with a droll little smirk of his own.

"I meant how many days . . . has it been since – " The genius turtle's sentence unexpectedly hit a wall as he found himself struggling to come up with the appropriate words to use. So many things had happened that night, he was torn over which particular event to reference in his question. Ultimately, he chose to go with the incident that had started the whole thing. That was the last clear memory he had of being with all three of his brothers before he had been captured by Shredder's mutants. After that, he wasn't exactly sure how much time had passed in between his many bouts of unconsciousness.

"Since I left the lair . . . after the fight between you and Raph?"

Leo inwardly shuddered over what Donnie had just asked, repulsed by the reminder that his fight with Raph was what had led to all of this. They had almost lost their brother because of some senseless argument.

The oldest turtle looked over at Donatello's visibly beaten and emaciated body and his heart filled with remorse. If he and Raph wouldn't have been fighting over what Donnie should have been working on, their little brother wouldn't have gotten hurt. But then again, if Leo wouldn't have essentially told Donnie that he was incompetent and stupid that night that the genius turtle had fallen from the fire escape, he wouldn't have been lying on that cot fighting for his life the past two weeks.

 _If I just would've appreciated him more, none of this would've happened . . ._

 _This is all my fault . . ._

An apology was right on the tip of Leonardo's tongue, but after all that had come to pass, spewing forth some stale apology almost seemed insulting. Donnie deserved better than that. Leo had to find a way to _show_ his brother how truly sorry he was for his actions.

For the time being, Leo silenced his regret, and instead, what came out of his mouth was the simple answer to Donnie's question.

"Fourteen days."

In hindsight, Leo should have begged his brother for his forgiveness, right there and then.

Perhaps things would have turned out differently . . .

But as it was, his apology went unheard.

"What? Two weeks? No wonder I feel terrible," Donnie muttered under his crackly breath, staring down at his brutalized figure. He could see the many injuries covering the better part of his body. He could see just how damaged and pale his skin was. He could even see that he had lost a significant amount of weight.

Not only did he feel terrible, but he looked terrible as well.

While Donnie laid there feeling revolted by his threadbare appearance, the doors to the laboratory were dragged open and Raph's stocky figure materialized.

"Hey, I thought I heard voices in here," Raph said in that gruff voice of his as he strutted into the laboratory and headed straight for Donnie's cot. Once there, the turtle in red hopped up onto the mattress next to his wounded little brother and patted him on the uninjured leg. "Good to see you up again, Donnie Boy."

"Good to see . . . you, too."

Though Donnie looked marginally better than the last time he had woken up, Raph noticed that his little brother still looked the worse for wear and that worried the heck out of the hotheaded turtle. It had been two weeks since the attack and Donnie didn't look a whole lot better than when they had brought him home. Sure, he was all cleaned up and his wounds had faded some, but overall, he looked awful.

"So . . . how long has it been . . . since the last time I woke up?" As Donnie asked the question, he rubbed his sore throat. He didn't remember gargling barbed wire, but that's what it felt like he had done.

"Two days." There was a hint of disgust in Leonardo's rather blunt answer and Donnie worried it might have been geared towards him, but then, Raph shed some additional light on the oldest turtle's response.

"Yeah, we would've woken you up sooner, but Sensei's been watching over you like a hawk. He wouldn't even let us step foot inside the lab yesterday."

An awkward silence suddenly enveloped the room as the three brothers mulled over what to say next.

Surprisingly, it was the quietest brother who spoke first.

"What – what happened?" The genius turtle peered up at his brothers through tired, reddish-brown eyes. There were so many questions racing through his mind, he wasn't even sure where to start.

"Shouldn't we be asking you that? How much do you remember?"

Donnie had to consciously stop himself from doing a facepalm.

Of course Leonardo would answer a question with a question – or in this case, _questions_. That was so Leo, shifting the helm of a conversation right back to someone else. The brainiac turtle hated it when his big brother did that.

"Too much,"Donnie whispered grimly, twisting his head to the side so he could avoid his older brothers' stares. There was a sob stuck in the back of his sore throat over just the memory of that night. He immediately found himself wishing he would have never asked what had happened. As the supposed 'genius' of the family, he probably should have predicted that Leo would turn it right back over to him.

Sometimes, Donnie swore his oldest brother had been a psychiatrist in a past life.

The despondent expression now etched on Donnie's face instantly alerted Leonardo that his brother wasn't up to discussing what had happened just yet. The blue-clad ninja recognized when not to push someone to talk. He figured that Donatello would open up about the ordeal when he was ready to.

 _Who am I kidding? Am I really that dense?_ The eldest turtle mentally berated himself.

Leo shook his head over his inability to learn from his mistakes. What made him think that Donnie would simply open up to anyone about the ordeal? That was the same foolish type of thinking that had caused this mess to begin with. History should have told Leonardo that Donnie was a closed book when it came to talking about something that was bothering him. The night the Foot Soldier had attacked Donnie on the fire escape was positive proof. Obviously, the genius turtle had been upset by the incident and the moments that had followed it, but did he say anything about it? _No_! Instead, he had gone for several days without eating or sleeping because he was internally beating himself up over what had happened. His solution had been to shut everyone out and allow himself to be consumed by despair. He had covered up the fact that he was sick and depressed, all because he didn't want to talk about it. All because he didn't want to bother anyone with his problems. That was Donnie's way of coping with things. As unhealthy as it was, that was how he functioned – or rather malfunctioned.

 _So why would this time be any different?_

In other words, Leo couldn't just wait around until Donnie was ready to talk, because it wasn't going to happen on its own. The oldest turtle needed to figure out a way to get his little brother to discuss his feelings about what had happened or risk him sinking further into his depression. That wasn't going to be a simple task, by any means. Getting Donnie to open up and share his feelings was about as easy as getting Raph to write romantic poetry . . .

Still, the turtle in blue was bound and determined to help his genius brother through this, whatever it took. Leo would not fail his little brother again. This time, he was going to be there for Donnie every step of the way.

Leo stared down at his second youngest brother and his heart began to grow heavy with sympathy. Donnie was going to need his family now, more than ever, to help him heal both physically and mentally. They had to find a way to make him feel safe and needed again without pressuring or intimidating him.

While Leonardo sat there trying to be sensitive to Donnie's feelings, belligerent Raphael had no qualms about impelling someone to talk about something they didn't want to. The temperamental turtle had always been insensitive that way and never had any misgivings about playing the role of the bad guy.

"Well, do you remember grabbing onto Tiger Claw's weapon?" The question was asked terser than anticipated and there was a bitter expression that accompanied it.

Apparently, Raph was still harboring a bit of a grudge over Donnie sacrificing himself. Leo just wished his hotheaded brother would have picked a better time to reveal it.

"Yeah . . . I remember," Donnie mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going in.

Leonardo didn't hesitate to jump to his genius brother's rescue, nervous about where Raph would go next with his potentially belligerent line of questioning. The oldest turtle wanted Donnie to open up, but at the same time, he needed to make sure that his little brother felt safe about doing so.

Donatello's suddenly timid body language informed Leo that Raph had obviously gone about things the wrong way.

"It's okay, Donnie. No one else got hurt after you grabbed onto the weapon. You protected all of us . . . just like you planned."

Donnie offered a thin smile in response. He then made the error of trying to push himself up into a sitting position, thinking that lying on a cot for two weeks was more than enough rest. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, but when he attempted to get up, it instantaneously felt as though someone was sticking him with cherry red fire pokers everywhere all at once. Donnie's body contracted in pain, which only sufficed to make things worse.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, little brother! You're way too weak to get up! Lay your shell back down, now! You're not going anywhere! I'll tie you down to this cot if I have to!" Raph scolded in a hardened tone, abruptly leaning forward and grabbing hold of Donnie's plastron and good shoulder so he could force him back down onto the bed.

The turtle in red hadn't meant to be so harsh. He had only meant to protect his younger brother from further harm, but his threat and sudden physical contact had inadvertently frightened Donnie, and in turn, triggered a flashback of the injured turtle's capture.

The slow, steady beeping of the heart monitor Donnie was still hooked up to became noticeably faster as he was temporarily lost in a dark chasm of memories. In his mind, he could see Tiger Claw and Grizzgore standing over him once again, causing him to whimper and shrink away from his volatile brother's touch. Donnie held out his free hand to shield himself from Raph as though he was scared to death that his sibling was going to hurt him. His whole body began to shiver in his immediate older brother's grasp when he heard Tiger Claw's words resounding in his head . . .

" _Since you are supposedly the most intelligent one, I am sure I do not need to tell you what a grave mistake you just made."_

" _I warned you not to resist, little one. Now, we will make you deeply regret what you have done. Grizzgore, take him down."_

"N – No! Please! D – Don't!" Donnie gasped out, shaking his head and sealing his eyes tightly shut, certain that he was about to be brutally attacked again. He braced himself for an incoming blow that wasn't going to come.

Raph cringed when it finally dawned on him that what he had just done had reminded Donatello of the torture he had been subjected to.

"Aw, shell. I'm sorry, Donnie." The turtle in red quickly released his hold on his little brother and shook his own head over his stupidity. Donnie had gone through a living nightmare and Raphael's thoughtless reaction had just made him temporarily relive the torment. The hotheaded turtle felt like a total heel for reminding his brother of the awful things those monsters had done to him.

Once Raph freed Donnie from his sturdy grip, the genius turtle stared wide-eyed up at his brother and gradually began rationalize things in his mind. The chill that had been running up and down his spine slowed to a much more leisurely pace once he realized that it was his immediate older brother that had seized him, not Shredder's mutants.

Ashamed and sickened by his panicked reaction, Donnie cast his gaze away from his older brothers, trying to keep his composure while his mind jumped at the chance to criticize him.

 _Could you possibly be any more pathetic_?

"I'm really sorry, Donnie," Raph repeated his apology, seeing how visibly shaken Donnie still was.

The sound of his younger brother's heart rate coming back down made the red-masked turtle feel slightly better, but not much.

Donnie flicked his gaze back up at Raph for a scant moment before forcing a half-hearted smile to falsely suggest that he was okay while his eyes made their way down to his cot. He was then struck by a violent coughing fit that sent another shockwave of pain through his entire body. The beeps of the heart rate monitor sped up once again, making his older brothers' heart rates rise just as rapidly.

Leonardo leapt up out of his chair and ran over to the table beside Donnie's desk, grabbing the tall glass of water he had placed there earlier. He then rushed the glass over to Donnie and held it out in front of him.

In between the sickly whooping noises he was making, Donatello shook his head no, rejecting the beverage being offered to him. He instead continued to hack uncontrollably while clutching his chest in agony as he waited for the pain to subside.

Leonardo failed to see the logic in his genius brother's refusal to accept something that could possibly bring him relief. Narrowing his eyes slightly in frustration, the oldest turtle presented the glass to his brother again.

"Donnie, you need to drink something. It'll help your throat."

Donnie still shook his head like a stubborn little kid refusing to take his medicine.

Lolling his own head back and deliberately blinking up at the ceiling, Leo let out a lengthy sigh. Donnie could be so incredibly headstrong sometimes, it was maddening. The blue-clad leader couldn't very well force the water down his little brother's throat. He had really hoped that Donnie, of all of his brothers, would be a little more reasonable about it. Especially since his second youngest sibling was supposed to be the most intelligent one as well as the designated family doctor.

When Donnie's coughing fit finally started to taper off, his body began to relax back down into the soft mattress below him.

"Will you take a drink now?" Leonardo tried to coax his brother again and just a trace of his mounting exasperation came through in his voice.

Still, Donnie declined, but Leo could see that his wounded brother's resolve was dwindling. Maybe that's because the genius turtle had finally realized that his oldest brother was just trying to help him.

"Do it for me, Donnie. Please."

Nodding his reluctant consent, Donnie allowed his two big brothers to lift him into a half-sitting position so that he could take a few sips of water. Even though he wasn't able to drink much, what little cold water he could swallow felt wonderful sliding down his parched and aching throat.

Seconds later, Donnie signaled that he had had his fill and Raph and Leo carefully lowered him back down to the cot. Leo stared at the glass, still in his hand, and grimaced over how little water his brother had actually drank, but he supposed it was better than nothing.

"See? That wasn't so bad now, was it?" Leo asked with a shrewd little grin as he pulled Donnie's blanket up further over his plastron, unknowingly treating his little brother like he was a toddler again.

Faking a pouty face, the injured turtle sarcastically snorted out the word "yes," which made Leo's grin grow wider.

Once Donnie was settled back down into his three propped up pillows, the leader in blue returned the glass of water to the table. He then sat on the opposite side of the cot that Raph was sitting on so that the brainy turtle was sandwiched between his two older brothers. Leonardo kept his fingers crossed that the cot was rated to hold the weight of three human-sized turtles. Because if it wasn't, Master Splinter was going to have their shells for breaking their only cot and for risking further injury to their already seriously wounded little brother.

"So, how did you guys find me? Did the new app . . . I installed on the T-phones work?" Donnie asked, already sounding slightly better than before the couple swigs of water.

Apparently, it wasn't just milk that did a body good, but Leo guessed the advertisements wouldn't be nearly as effective if some celebrity was sporting a water mustache.

"Of course it did, little brother. After all, you _are_ a genius." The words came out far more flippant than Leo had planned and he flinched over just how lame he had sounded. He then rubbed the top of Donnie's head affectionately, which probably just made things even more awkward than they already were.

Clearing his tightening throat, Leo decided to answer Donnie's first question and try to pretend that he hadn't just made a fool out of himself by acting like a complete dork.

"When we realized you'd left the lair, we used the T-phones to track you to the junkyard." Leo opted to leave out a few of the less competent happenings of the night, such as them taking nearly an hour to realize that Donnie was even missing . . . Or them arguing over who was to blame while they should have been out looking for him . . . Or how they had almost rolled over the Shellraiser while racing to the junkyard . . .

The list went on and on, but the leader deemed these as minor details that his intellectual brother was better off not knowing.

Then, Raph had to go and chime in with his much more colorful interpretation of things.

"While we were out there in the freezing cold, dragging our shells all around the junkyard searching for you, the T-phone GPS showed that you weren't even there anymore. And then, we all got this weird text message saying that your T-phone had self-destructed. Of course, I didn't have a freakin' clue what the message was all about 'cause no one had bothered to tell me about this upgrade you made to our phones."

When he finished his segment of the story, the hotheaded turtle glared over at his older brother.

Ignoring what had been an obvious dig at his communication skills – or rather lack thereof – Leo continued on where Raph had left off.

"Your app worked perfectly, Donnie. We all received a text that told us your exact location when you initiated the self-destruct sequence on your phone. We were about to head to that location when we found your duffle bag," Leo said in a tone that abruptly turned grim.

The bleakness his oldest brother's voice had taken on was lost on Donatello the second he heard the words 'duffle bag.' The brainiac turtle's sunken eyes suddenly beamed, and if not for his bedridden condition, he might have vaulted off the cot and done a victory dance.

Donnie really loved that bag.

"You found my duffle bag! Were my parts still in it?"

As soon as Donnie raised the question about his 'parts,' Raphael cringed in horror and his mouth curled into a crooked grimace. It took a whole lot to offend the most insensitive turtle, but at this moment, he looked genuinely appalled by what his little brother had just asked. The question had been posed with a good deal more enthusiasm than seemed appropriate given the ghastly subject matter.

"Uh . . . Yeah . . . you could say that," Leo muttered, somewhat revolted by the question as well. He was just thankful that Mikey hadn't been in the room to hear it. Their overly emotional baby brother would have totally wigged out. He was still having nightmares about finding part of Donnie's carapace inside of that duffle bag.

At first, Leo was baffled why his genius brother would ask such a morbid question in the carefree manner that he had, but then, the oldest turtle realized that his smartest brother must not have been referring to the actual 'parts' they had found inside of the duffle bag. Donnie was most likely referring to some items that he had found in the scrap yard prior to the attack. Or at least, Leo hoped that was the reasoning behind the cheerful way Donnie had posed the question . . .

Not seeing it as critical to the recap, Leo was about to skip over that particularly gruesome portion of the narrative, when his ever-observant genius brother noticed the disturbed look on his face.

"What aren't you telling me? Why do you guys look like you're about to throw up?" Donnie volleyed his gaze back and forth between his two now very pale-looking older siblings. His brothers weren't all that faint of heart, so they didn't exactly blanch easily. That told Donnie that whatever it was they were hiding from him couldn't have been anything good.

"They . . . they used your duffle bag to send us a message, Donnie. When we found it, it was – " Leonardo had to pause to steady himself before continuing – "It was covered in blood and it had part of your broken bo-staff inside. The naginata half that they had stabbed you with. And – " Before the oldest turtle could finish what he was trying to say, Raph cut him off, unable to control his anger a moment longer.

"Those monsters left a piece of your shell in the bag for us to find!" Raph roared, powerless to keep the loathing out of his voice. He momentarily turned his head away from his brothers, fighting to hold back the intense rage building up inside of him. He wished he would have killed Shredder's mutants when he had had the chance. They didn't deserve to live after what they had done to Donnie.

Upon hearing what Leo and Raph had said, Donnie's face dropped almost imperceptibly. He fought tooth and nail to keep his features emotionless as he glanced over at his wounded shoulder, which was still heavily swaddled in bandages so he couldn't actually see anything.

When Grizzgore had stabbed him with his own weapon, Donnie had known that the naginata blade wound had been deep, but he didn't know the extent of the actual damage done to the shoulder. His captors had kept him tied up or chained up most of the time, so he hadn't really had a chance to assess the injury. He didn't realize that the blade had gone all the way through and broken his carapace. He didn't realize until now that the damage was permanent.

There was no fixing this . . .

He was broken . . .

At that realization, Donnie felt his entire body go numb as his head swam with a mixture of shock and disbelief.

Things would never be the same . . .

Leonardo watched as Donatello tentatively lifted his hand up and placed his fingertips against his bandaged shoulder. The oldest turtle studied his second youngest brother's face, trying to read his expression, but Donnie's exterior was cryptic. His face was like a stone, revealing nothing of what he was feeling inside, even though Leo knew for a fact that his genius brother was absorbed in thought.

As so the process had begun.

Donatello was already shutting them out, just as Leonardo had feared he would, but the leader had no idea just how bad things would get.

They had all mistakenly thought that they had succeeded in saving Donatello when he had finally come out of his coma, but in all actuality, the battle to save him had only just begun . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Did I mention there would be a lot of posttraumatic stress in this story? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I did. Well, it probably bears repeating. There's a whole lot of posttraumatic stress in this story.**_

 _ **To all the Mikey fans out there, the youngest brother will return in the second part of this chapter. He's got some pretty classic lines coming up. I'm hoping they'll make you smile. =D**_

 _ **Just like last week, I will do my best to get my editing done by next week, but the second half of the chapter is still rather long.**_

 _ **Please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying it. It really means a lot to me to know whether or not people are still reading. Plus, it's always super nice to know if someone likes your stories. Thanks so much for reading and for your kindness. You are all totally awesome! I'm so very blessed. *hugs* ;) CJ**_


	27. Chapter 27 - Turtle Tales

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 27 of 'Lost in the Fight' and it's a rather long one.**_

 _ **Thank you very, very much to everyone who has read, 'favorited', followed, liked, reblogged, reviewed, and/or commented on 'LITF.' That's so incredibly nice of you and I appreciate it more than words can say. Please continue to leave feedback if you are enjoying this story. I love hearing from all of you. =}**_

 _ **Thanks, again, for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 27 – Turtle Tales**

A hush fell over the infirmary like a heavy blanket of snow, threatening to suffocate them under its weight.

The two oldest brothers gazed down at Donatello while he just continued to vacantly stare at his bandaged shoulder. His face still betrayed no emotion.

Unable to take the awkward silence between them, Leonardo decided the best course of action would be to resume the retelling of events from the night that Donnie had been captured, hoping that it might elicit some kind of a reaction from his second youngest brother.

"After we discovered your duffle bag, we followed the GPS coordinates sent from your phone and they led us to an abandoned warehouse. When we went inside, we found you unconscious and chained from the rafters. We thought there was no one else inside the warehouse, but right after we got you unchained, this mutated grizzly bear came after us." Leo stopped the story when he noticed that Donnie was now visibly trembling.

The mere thought of Grizzgore made the genius turtle shudder in his shell. He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to draw in a calming breath, but all that did was spark yet another coughing fit. Luckily for Donnie, this one was much shorter-lived than his previous coughing spell.

Before Donatello had even realized that Leonardo had moved, the oldest turtle was back once more with the glass of water, holding it up in front of him.

 _Again with the water? What? Is he going to shove a glass of water in my face every time I cough?_ Donnie mentally groaned, glaring at the beverage as though it had been poisoned. He knew that Leo was only trying to help, but he felt as if he was being treated like a three-year-old.

The injured turtle let out a raspy breath.

Being the patient was not something that Donnie was good at. Not at all. He was supposed to be the medical practitioner of the family, not the one being treated for health problems.

Now he knew how his brothers felt all those times that he had taken care of them and adamantly insisted that they follow doctor's orders . . .

 _This_ was his payback.

Looking at the tall glass of water before him, Donnie assured himself that he would have done the same exact thing if it had been one of his siblings lying there coughing. Bearing that in mind, the brainy turtle politely agreed to take Leo up on his offer, only this time, Donnie wanted to be more self-sufficient about it and maybe keep a shred of his pride intact. He attempted to push himself up into a half-sitting position, but it wound up a miserable fail at best. His one arm wasn't strong enough to push himself up off the cot more than a few inches. His brothers, of course, saw this and immediately came to his aid.

Much to his embarrassment, Donatello was forced to rely on his siblings, yet again, to help him take a couple measly sips of water. And, yet again, he felt like a helpless child.

 _Maybe I should just ask them for a sippy cup_ , Donnie thought petulantly. Then, he heard his older brothers' merciless voices taunting him in his mind . . .

" _You're way too weak to get up."_

" _I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

Abruptly twisting his head to the side, Donnie appeared to be turning away from the glass, when in all actuality, he was turning away from his siblings.

As Leonardo and Raphael carefully eased their battered brother back down onto the cot, Michelangelo suddenly came bursting into the lab. His blue eyes lit up with joy when he saw that Donnie was conscious, but those same eyes soon constricted into a glare that he flashed at his two oldest brothers.

"Hey! No fair! How come you guys didn't tell me Donnie was awake? You're totally trying to hog him all to yourself, aren't you?" While he made his scathing accusation, the youngest brother pointedly put his hands on his hips in a huff.

Apparently, some turtle had woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, and for once, it wasn't Raph.

"Yeah, it's all part of our big conspiracy to steal Donnie away from you, shell for brains!"

More often than not, oil and water blended together better than Raph and Mikey did. Sometimes, just his baby brother being in the same room as him could instantly grate on Raph's nerves. The hotheaded turtle was sure that Mikey was one of the main reasons he was so disgruntled all the time. Well, that and Leo's holier than thou crap. Between his hyperactive youngest brother and his domineering oldest brother, it was a wonder the loose cannon known as Hamato Raphael hadn't gone off the deep end yet. His brainiac brother was the only turtle in the family that he didn't want to punch in the face on a ten-minute basis, but that was probably just because Donnie spent most of his time cooped up in his lab . . .

"I knew it!"

A condemning finger was pointed at Raph, and then at Leo, as Mikey scrunched his face up into a scowl. He was acting as though he had caught onto some treacherous scheme his two oldest brothers were behind. A scheme that didn't actually exist, other than in the youngest turtle's overactive and overstimulated imagination.

"No one's trying to 'hog' anyone, Mikey. We didn't let you know Donnie was awake because it's earlier than you usually get up and whenever we wake you up before you think we should, you gripe about it the rest of the day." Leonardo attempted to justify their actions, taking a little less snippy approach than Raph, but there was still a detectable trace of frustration in his voice.

The orange-masked turtle tapped his chin in consideration before accepting his eldest brother's excuse.

"It's all good, bros. I forgive you."

With that said, Mikey waltzed over to the cot in exaggerated swagger and took a seat next to Leo.

Now the leader in blue was certain they were pushing the weight restrictions of Donatello's cot. The portable bed definitely wasn't designed to withstand the mass of four giant turtles.

For his injured brother's sake, Leo pushed himself off the cot so as not to test its structural integrity any more than they already had.

From his new vantage point beside Donnie, the oldest turtle could already see that his hotheaded brother had a smirk on his face that was steadily growing in width.

That was never a good sign . . .

"Oh boy, oh boy, Leo! Did you hear that? Mikey forgives us for not doing anything wrong. I know I'll sleep better at night now!"

"Don't mention it, bro. That's just the kind of turtle I am. We all know I'm the most forgiving, generous, handsome, and bedevilent brother," Mikey declared, giving his brothers a knowing wink and two thumbs up. He was completely unaware of the fact that Raph had been mocking him and that 'bedevilent' wasn't actually a word.

"I, um, think you meant benevolent," Donnie was quick to correct his little brother before Raph could make fun of him for his goof-up.

"Yeah, boi! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, son! You totally get where I'm comin' from, D!"

A huge grin stretched across Mikey's round face as he extended a hand out for a fist bump.

Donnie awkwardly returned the gesture, lightly knocking his knuckles against the hand his baby brother was holding out in front of him. The genius turtle hardly thought that pointing out Mikey's improper usage of the English language warranted a celebratory grinding of fists, but Donnie just went along with it, so long as it made his little brother happy.

"I'm super glad you're back, Donnie! Raph's been a real pain in the shell ever since you got hurt. _Way_ more than normal."

The red-masked turtle glared at Mikey, and then, rolled his eyes in disgust, fighting off the strong urge to shove his baby brother off the cot for being such a derp.

"Can we just get back to what we were doing before Michelangedope here took over the stage?"

"Sure thing, brah! Uh . . . what exactly were we doing?" As Mikey asked the question, he bounced his innocent gaze off each brother.

"We were right in the middle of telling Donnie what happened the night we – " Leo was about to say 'rescued him,' but that would've been a wholly inaccurate statement. They hadn't rescued Donnie. They had done nothing of the sort . . .

Leo quickly reconsidered how to better finish the sentence, hoping that his brothers wouldn't notice the slight pause for thought.

" – almost lost him."

No one seemed to think anything of Leo's little break in proceedings. Most likely, they had all assumed that he had halted to collect himself, which was not entirely untrue.

"Yeah, and we were just getting to the part where you got your shell whacked by the mutant bear," Raph chipped in, earning him a short "hmph" from Mikey and a small chuckle from Leo.

As soon as the words had left Raph's mouth, Donnie's eyes widened with panic and he began to visually scan his little brother's body for any noticeable injuries. When his examination turned up nothing out of the ordinary, a wheezy sigh of relief deflated out of the genius turtle. If his baby brother would have gotten hurt on account of his incompetence, he would have never forgiven himself.

Having seen Donnie's nervous reaction, Leo reached over and patted his wounded brother's good arm to comfort him before moving on with the story.

"So we were checking your injuries when this giant bear who referred to himself as 'Grizzgore' was about to – " The oldest turtle started, but Michelangelo just couldn't resist butting in.

"You mean Shreddy Bear, right?"

"No, I mean Grizzgore," Leo grunted, matter-of-factly, not at all thrilled with being interrupted or accused of getting the name wrong when his youngest brother knew darned well that he hadn't.

Mikey was just being Mikey . . .

"But Shreddy Bear is _sooooo_ much better!"

"Even if it was better – which I'm not saying it is – it's still not his name, Mikey."

"Besides, it's a dumb name! No one's gonna call him that, you dork, so just shut about it already!" Raph snapped in his low 'don't mess with me' tone that even Mikey knew better than to question.

A small smile tugged at the corners of Donatello's lips. Listening to his three brothers bicker over something so trivial as a name was like a magnificent symphony playing in his head. He missed the days when the majority of their disagreements were on the lighthearted and humorous side, not the bitter and spiteful arguments geared at hurting one another like they had been for the past few months. Their lives and personalities had changed so much since venturing up to the surface, it sometimes felt as if they weren't even the same turtles anymore. Gone were the days of simplicity and leisure, replaced by constant danger, violent enemies, sleepless nights, brutal battles, and seemingly endless destruction. Donnie would have given anything to bring back those happier days and wash away the not-so happy ones that had become the new norm. He missed when their lives were less complicated and not filled with all this recurring pain and suffering.

Donnie's smile instantly faded away as his thoughts turned bleak once again. His brothers failed to even notice the smile nor its departure, too caught up in their banter.

"As I was saying, Donnie, _Grizzgore_ was about to attack us, so I carried you up to the catwalk and set you down where I thought you'd be safe." Without warning, Leonardo's voice suddenly quit on him as he was consumed by his own guilt. He could still remember the terror he had felt when he looked up at the catwalk and saw that Donatello was gone. He had left his unconscious little brother lying there defenseless, just as Tiger Claw had wanted. Instead of staying with his injured brother like he should have, Leo had basically handed Donnie right over to the enemy. Because of the leader's carelessness, they had almost lost their genius brother.

When the narrative came to an abrupt standstill, Raphael glanced up at Leonardo and saw the dejected look on his oldest brother's face. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Leo was standing there blaming himself for allowing Tiger Claw to grab Donnie. In all honesty, Raph couldn't stop himself from blaming Leo for it, either. The temperamental turtle hadn't said as much, but he had been thinking it ever since it had happened. It had angered him then, and it still angered him now. His oldest brother was supposed to take care of Donnie while he and Mikey took care of Grizzgore, but instead of watching over their wounded brother, Leo had just left him alone on that catwalk, ripe for the enemy's picking. How could Raph not blame Leo for what had happened?

But the hotheaded turtle knew that he had to keep these feelings to himself. Not for Leonardo's sake, but rather, for Donnie's. After all that had happened, the last thing that Raph wanted to do was instigate another fight with one of his brothers . . .

"But you weren't safe," Raph breathed out the words with as little anger as he could. "Tiger Claw was hiding in the shadows, out of our sight, just waiting for us to screw up. And when we did, he took full advantage of it. While we were trying to take down Grizzgore, that stupid bear knocked Mikey senseless. Well . . . more senseless than normal."

Another "hmph" sounded out from the youngest brother, but Raph just kept right on going with his recap.

"When Mikey went down, we took our eyes off you just long enough for Tiger Claw to grab your shell and try to escape with you in tow. Luckily, Leo noticed you were gone and he went after you while we fought off Grizzgore." The hotheaded turtle would have continued on, but he figured the next portion of the story should come from Leo.

Sensing the proverbial baton had been passed onto him, Leo took in a deep breath and hoped his voice would hold up for the next part of the tale.

"When I heard you yelling for help, I climbed up to the roof and saw it was Tiger Claw that had taken you. I would've attacked him at that point, but he had you by the throat. Then, he was threatening to kill you with that shock gun."

Leonardo was more than aware that Donnie probably remembered this particular section of the story far too well, but the turtle in blue went through it anyway so Raph and Mikey could continue to follow along.

"After you told me the Shredder wanted to capture you and Tiger Claw turned the weapon on me, I was readying to strike when you tried to give yourself up to protect me. There was no way I was just gonna stand by and let him take you away from us without a fight, no matter how hard you tried to convince me. But you obviously weren't okay with that. By the time I . . . I realized what you were planning on doing . . . it was too late. I couldn't stop you – " Leo's voice audibly faltered, but he somehow managed to finish his sentence " – from sacrificing yourself to save us."

The oldest brother took a brief moment to gather his self-control. A part of him wanted to chew Donnie out for willingly trying to give his own life in order to save theirs, but another part of him kept reminding him that admonishing his genius brother was what had started this whole mess in the first place. Leo didn't want to repeat the same mistake over and over again. Especially not with the fragile state that Donnie was already in.

Instead, Leonardo went on with his account of what had happened.

"After you grabbed onto Tiger Claw and his weapon, the electricity went right through both of you, presumably just as you had planned." Despite his best efforts, Leo was unable to prevent a hint of disdain from coming through in his voice. He couldn't help it. The thought that Donnie had just given up – just like that – was still overwhelming. It was like their genius brother had _wanted_ to die for them.

Always the perceptive one, Donnie immediately picked up on the scorn in Leonardo's tone and the genius turtle shriveled down into his pillows.

Seeing his smartest brother's timid response made Leo feel like a real jerk for letting his aggravation show. The blue-masked ninja gave Donnie's arm a reassuring squeeze before continuing on with his retelling of the night's events, making sure to mind his tone as he moved forward.

"Unfortunately, you took the brunt of the jolt and collapsed not long after grabbing onto the gun. Once you went down, Tiger Claw was able to walk away, but barely. You didn't fare as well. When I got to you, you weren't breathing and your heart had stopped. You were completely lifeless."

Leo paused again, needing a lengthy moment to pull himself together. In the back of his mind, he could still see his little brother lying there motionless on that rooftop. It was a horrible image that Leonardo would never be able to erase. He had essentially watched his brother die.

"I . . . I started CPR, just like you taught us. I tried and tried to bring you back, but I . . . I couldn't . . . I couldn't get you to breathe again. No matter how hard I tried, you wouldn't respond. And then . . . I stopped. I gave up . . . I thought we'd lost you." The words were spoken with such devastation, it made all three of Leonardo's brothers' eyes start to water. They could see how hurt their oldest brother was over his failure to revive Donnie.

"It's okay, Leo. I know you wouldn't have quit . . . unless you thought there was no hope left. I know you did . . . everything you could." As Donnie reassured his oldest brother, he peered up at him with his big, dewy eyes. There was such a sweet and genuine expression on his younger brother's face, it made Leo nearly choke on a sob.

"No, I didn't. If it weren't for Mikey, we would've lost you because I quit on you," Leonardo whispered, turning his face away from his brothers to hide the pain as well as the shame. He didn't deserve Donnie's sympathy.

"Would you quit blaming yourself already, Fearless? We saw how hard you tried! You gave Donnie CPR 'til you were practically blue in the face yourself!"

Somehow, the look on Raph's face was both harsh and comforting at the same time, but Leo didn't see it. His gaze was still pointed away from his brothers, and so Mikey decided it was his turn to speak up.

"Yeah, bro! You did everything you could. And none of that matters now, 'cause Donnie's still here. That's what's important."

Sniffling a little, Leo nodded and turned his gaze back to Donnie.

The brainiac turtle gave his big brother a warm smile which just about made Leo choke on another sob that had worked its way up to his throat. Then, Donnie's smile unexpectedly disappeared.

"So, what happened to Grizzgore?"

Upon hearing Donatello's question, Leo and Mikey's eyes fell upon Raph.

The oldest brother hadn't seen what ultimately had become of the mutant bear, because they hadn't gone back inside of the warehouse after Donnie had started breathing again. They had elected to haul their critically wounded brother down the access ladder on the outside of the warehouse to make the quickest exit possible, but the leader had heard from both Mikey and Raph that Grizzgore had had a rather rough time of it. From what Leo had seen before going after Tiger Claw and Donnie, his hotheaded brother had gone off like a nuclear bomb. Leo shuddered to think what Grizzgore had looked like when atomic Raph was done with him.

"He got what was coming to him," Raph growled gruffly, narrowing his eyes into intense green slits.

That statement hadn't been entirely truthful. The turtle in red had thought that he had made Grizzgore pay dearly for what he had done to Donnie and for attacking Mikey, but the truth was, after watching his brainiac brother suffer for the past two weeks, Raph wasn't sure it had been payback enough. Their father had taught them never to take a life unless there was no other viable option, but in this instance, Raphael really wished he would have gone against his father's teachings. He deeply regretted not killing that damn bear.

If Grizzgore ever went after Donnie again, Raph wouldn't hesitate to put to the bear into permanent hibernation. Just like he wouldn't hesitate to wipe out all nine of Tiger Claw's lives. Especially now that Raph knew that Shredder wanted to take their genius brother away from them.

The sound of Mikey's voice snapped the red-banded turtle out of his violent thoughts.

"Yeah, when Raph got done with him, he was 'bearly' recognizable." The wisecrack immediately garnered a low groan from all three of his older brothers.

"What?" Mikey asked, innocently shrugging his shoulders as though he had no idea what they were groaning about.

"Mikey, I don't wanna hear another bad bear pun out of you for as long as I live!"

"Yeah, Raph just can't 'bear' it anymore."

The next lame pun came from the brother Raph would have least expected it from.

"Okay, I'm gonna just that one slide since you're hurt, but don't think I won't slap you upside the head just because you're bedridden!" There was a playful smirk on Raph's face as he made his idle threat.

"And me with no place to 'hide.' That's not 'fur,'" Donnie retorted with a sly little sneer, pleased with the cheesy puns he had just reeled off.

"Ha! Good ones, Donnie!"

"Shut your pizza hole, Mikey! And you . . . " Raph barked teasingly, making sure to keep the moment lighthearted so as not to scare Donnie again. He jokingly shook a finger at his genius brother as he continued. "Being injured doesn't give you a get out of jail free card. Since you're laid up, you won't be able to stop me from rearranging your entire lab. I know how much you hate it when we mess up your stuff. Maybe I'll start by pulling the labels off all your beakers."

Donnie's eyes widened with dread.

"You wouldn't."

"Have you ever known me to bluff? Do you really wanna test me?"

In response to Raph's threat, Donnie vigorously shook his head from side to side. Something he soon regretted. The brisk movement made his head pound with excruciating pain. After he stopped moving, the pain gradually lessened to a dull, throbbing sensation. It was probably nothing a little aspirin couldn't knock down, but it was still a rather unpleasant memento of an apparent lingering head injury.

Turning his head as far to the side as possible, Donnie reached up and traced the back of his head with his fingertips. He didn't feel any external wounds on his skin, but that didn't mean there weren't internal injuries. The recollection of Grizzgore slamming his head down into the ground over and over again manifested itself and Donnie fought back a whimper. The genius turtle assumed that the repeated blows to the back of his head had most likely resulted in a brain injury of some sort. That would account for the severe headache.

 _Aw, yes. Another concussion. The gift that keeps on giving_ , Donnie scornfully reminded himself, and with that thought, an unexpected squall of memories came flooding back to him. Memories he'd just as soon forget.

The mental pictures of the mutated bear viciously attacking him caused Donnie to submerge his face into his top pillow, trying to hide from the pain. He could still see Grizzgore punching him in the chest, and then, snapping his bo-staff in two as though it was nothing more than a flimsy twig. He could still see the bear pouncing on top of him and digging his razor-sharp claws deep into his plastron. He could still see the mutant grizzly plunging the naginata half of his bo-staff into his shoulder just before bashing his head into the ground numerous times. He could remember every injury that Grizzgore and Tiger Claw had inflicted upon him as though it had only happened moments ago and it filled him with inexpressible horror.

Not wanting his brothers to see that he was scared, Donnie sealed his eyes tightly shut. He was trying to block out the disturbing imagery, but Grizzgore and Tiger Claw were still there in his thoughts. No matter what Donnie did, they were still with him, haunting him. Whenever he closed his eyes, there they were to torture him all over again.

The genius turtle peered back up at his brothers, doing his best to mask his emotions and silence his pain. Inside, his mind was begging for his brothers to make the hurt go away, but he spoke nothing of his torment. He could not bring himself to ask for their help or their comfort, no matter how much he may have needed it. He could not permit himself to bring the words to fruition, convinced that admitting he was afraid would be an act of cowardice.

 _Don't be such a spineless wuss. Do you think your brothers would be acting like such a crybaby over all this? Pull yourself together, Donnie!_

Too preoccupied in oohing and aahing over himself for having successfully intimidated his little brothers into submission without having to resort to actual violence, Raph didn't notice that his injured brother was struggling not to bust out crying.

"Okay, now that you two are done with your little standup comedy routine, can we get back to the story?" As he spoke, Raph puffed out his chest out in arrogance, but Donnie's next inquiry sucked the smugness right out of him.

"So . . . they're b – both still out there?" The brainiac turtle asked nervously, his voice straggling off and cracking with emotion. His teary eyes were still directed away from his brothers, staring down at the blanket that he was uneasily twisting and tugging at with his unbound hand. The broken look on Donnie's face was nothing shy of gut-wrenching.

With that one question and that one look, the mood in the infirmary immediately shifted back to somber yet again. Raph quickly found himself wishing that he hadn't put an end to the bear puns. As annoying as they had been, they were far better than the gloom now hanging over them.

"Yeah," Raph whispered, not sure how his confidence could have gotten away from him so fast. What he was feeling now was the exact opposite of the arrogance he had been feeling only a split second ago.

The second oldest turtle watched as his genius brother continued to cast his gaze down to the cot as though he was ashamed. Raph had never seen his brother look so fragile or so traumatized and it was killing him inside. He just wanted to make Donnie happy again, but the hotheaded turtle had never been any good at reeling off a bunch of sappy stuff to make someone feel better. Still, that didn't mean he wasn't going to try.

"But don't you worry, little brother. They aren't gonna get anywhere near you. I promise you I won't ever let them hurt you again." The conviction in Raph's words was unmistakable.

In response to Raphael's solemn vow, Donnie gently nodded his aching head. He then let out a ragged breath, trying to calm himself and hold back his tears. It wasn't that he didn't believe that Raph would do absolutely anything to protect him. He didn't doubt that for a second. In fact, there was no question in his mind that his whole family would protect him with their lives, but even with that knowledge, he just didn't feel safe anymore.

Now that Donatello knew that Shredder was after him, he wasn't sure if he would ever feel safe again. And so long as Shredder was set on capturing him, Donnie knew his family wasn't safe, either. He knew they would try to protect him at all cost, but he couldn't stand the thought of them risking their lives for him.

Leonardo could see the anguish residing in Donnie's red-rimmed eyes, but at the same time, he could see his brother battling to keep his feelings in check. It broke Leo's heart to watch his little brother fighting so hard just to conceal his inner emotions, as though he was embarrassed by them. The oldest turtle didn't understand why his genius brother wouldn't let them in. Why wouldn't he tell them what he was feeling? Why was he trying so hard to shut them out? After all that had occurred, why wouldn't he just let them help him?

Well, whether Donnie liked it or not, Leo was going to help him.

"And I swear on my honor and my life that I will do anything to protect you, Donnie. As long as I live, I will make sure that Shredder never lays a gauntlet on you."

Reaching down and cupping a hand underneath Donnie's chin, Leo repositioned his wounded brother's head so that he was unable to avoid eye contact with him. He wanted Donnie to see the commitment and the seriousness in his eyes. He wanted his brother to know that he had truly meant what he had said. He would die for him in a heartbeat in order to keep him out of harm's way. Little did Leonardo know that that was one of the very things making Donatello so upset. The genius turtle didn't want anyone sacrificing themselves in order to save him.

Again, Donnie could only manage a nod in response, unable to find his voice amidst his inner turmoil. His insides were a jumbled up mess and it was taking all of his might to maintain his composure. The look on Leo's face wasn't helping him any. The expression was so sincere, it nearly made Donnie lose it.

And then, Mikey just had to go and interject his heartfelt oath as well, making it almost impossible for Donatello not to come unglued at the seams.

"And you know I got your shell, D. There's nothing on Earth I wouldn't do for you, bro. I'd even give up pizza for you. That's how much you mean to me. I'm not gonna let the Shred Head do anything to you, dude."

Donnie didn't dare try to say anything now for fear that it would just come out as pure gibberish. His innards were now the consistency of gelatin and his self-control was hanging on by the thinnest of threads, but yet, he still somehow managed to keep himself together.

The fact that Donnie was no longer verbally responding to anything that they were saying was starting to stress all three of his brothers out. They all knew that their genius brother's sudden lack of communication was a dead giveaway that there was something bothering him. Even though Donnie was trying his best to hide his emotions from his brothers, they could still see the despair written on his face.

Not surprisingly, Leo was the first brother to take another shot at trying to pull Donnie out of his funk, although his means of doing so was rather unconventional. Especially for traditionalistic Leo.

"I don't know if this'll make you any feel better or not, but I'm pretty sure that Tiger Claw thinks you're dead, Donnie. And that means that Shredder most likely thinks you're dead, too. The last thing that Tiger Claw saw before he left to go lick his wounds was you collapse on that rooftop. After seeing your lifeless body lying there, I'm guessing he crawled back to Shredder's lair and informed his master that his mission had failed because you were dead."

As morbid as that had sounded, it did bring Donnie a small sense of relief. If Shredder thought that he had died on that rooftop, it would mean he wouldn't come looking for him.

"And we haven't left the lair since that night, so they probably think we're grieving your loss."

"Yeah, but the truth is, we haven't left the lair 'cause none of us wanted to leave your side, little brother. April and Casey have been bringing us all the supplies we need so we could stay home and take care of you," Raph added after Leo's comments and the temperamental turtle's mouth then turned up into a soft smile.

Donnie returned the smile with far more vibrancy and authenticity than anyone had expected from him, considering how down in the dumps he had seemed only moments before.

His brothers had finally gotten through to him, but they still had a long way to go to completely break down the walls that Donnie was putting up. In order to do that, they would need to figure out what was going on inside of their genius brother's complex mind. That would by no means be an easy job. It wasn't like Donnie came with an instruction manual or a translation book. They were all fully aware that their brainiac sibling could be pretty much impossible to read and chances were he wasn't going to just come right out and tell them what he was feeling. They would have to crack the Donnie code, which none of them were very good at. Even now, they weren't really sure what exactly had turned their injured brother's mood around so suddenly. If they had to wager on it, they would guess it was because they had mentioned April. Whatever the reason, they were thankful for it and glad to see a smile on their brother's face again.

Unbeknownst to anyone but Donatello, the real reason behind his abrupt change of mood was the simple revelation that his most insensitive brother had been so worried about him, he hadn't left the lair for two weeks. That wasn't like Raph at all. Normally, when one of his brothers got hurt, the hotheaded turtle would be so dead set on revenge that they had a hard time getting him to stay in the lair. Knowing that Raph had disregarded his usual anger and his blind need for vengeance just to stay by his side lifted Donnie's spirits with newfound hope. That meant that his undemonstrative big brother truly did care about him. So much so that Raph had forsaken everything else so that he could watch over him.

 _Maybe they don't think I'm so useless after all . . ._

Donatello peered up at his three brothers through his weary, watery eyes. As he did so, several heavy tears slid down his cheeks against his will, but Leonardo was quick to wipe them away.

"It's okay, Donnie. You're safe here. No one's gonna hurt you now that you're home."

The oldest turtle inwardly grimaced as soon as he heard himself utter the self-contradictory words. How could he have the thoughtless gall to stand there and tell Donnie that he was safe at home and that no one was going to hurt him when, just two weeks ago, he and Raph had both hurt him so very badly, physically _and_ mentally, all in the shelter of his own home? His own big brothers had hurt him in the one place where he should have felt safe and sound.

If Leo could have hit a rewind button, he would have retracted his last few statements. Of course, if Leo had a real-life working rewind button, there were a lot worse things he would have reversed. He definitely would have gone much further back than a couple of inconsiderate sentences.

"So do you want us to keep going with the story, Donnie, or do you maybe wanna fill in some of the blanks for us?"

Yes, it had been a shameless attempt to change the subject matter in the event that the most insightful brother hadn't yet read into the foolish comments that Leo had made, but the attempt to change the subject had only sufficed to make things worse. Leo watched his genius brother's eyes fill with terror, presumably because he had suggested that Donnie take over the conversation.

Clearly, the brainiac turtle was petrified of talking about what had happened. As much as Leo wanted his brother to open up about the ordeal, the oldest turtle decided it was still too soon to push Donnie to talk. Leonardo was afraid that if he pushed his little brother too hard too fast, Donatello would just end up pushing them even further away.

"You know what? You should probably get some rest, Donnie. You look exhausted. I think you've had enough activity for one morning."

In response to Leo's recommendation, Donnie mumbled something along the line of "mmm-hmm" and weakly nodded his consent. The tension that had momentarily seized hold of the genius turtle melted away the instant he realized that he wasn't going to be forced to talk about the incident. Never in all his life had he been so relieved to be told to go to sleep. He was about to close his eyes when his oldest brother's voice rang out.

"Just let me change the dressing on your shoulder real quick. We don't want to risk an infection." Before Leo even finished what he had to say, he was already gathering the necessary medical supplies, as if being the doctor in the house was suddenly second nature to him.

Donatello looked baffled, not used to seeing one of his brothers so eager to patch up wounds. That was usually his territory.

"We probably should change out his fluids, too," Raph noted, getting up off the cot and heading straight for the cabinet that housed the IV supplies. He pulled out several intravenous solution bags and waltzed over to the infusion stand next to Donnie's cot, readying to switch out the nearly empty plastic bags with the full ones that he had grabbed.

Donnie was completely confused now. Leo was one thing, but Raph playing nursemaid? That was seriously messed up.

 _Maybe my head injury is worse than I initially thought . . ._ Donnie deduced, figuring that brain damage was the most logical explanation for his brothers' odd behavior.

Eyes wide with wonder and disbelief, Donnie could only stare wordlessly at his two older brothers while they flitted about the infirmary as though their movements were rehearsed. They collected everything they needed without any downtime for searching, as if they suddenly knew the infirmary like the back of their hands. They then got right to work.

It was like Donnie had stepped into an alternate dimension or something.

Noticing the shocked expression on his brainy brother's face, Mikey patted Donnie on the arm soothingly.

"It's alright, D. Leo and Raph know what they're doing. We've been taking care of things while you were sleeping."

"Yeah, and some of us are obviously better at it than others. Do you need some help over there, Doc?" Leonardo offered snidely, smirking over at his red-banded brother. The oldest turtle had swiftly finished up his ministrations, but Raph was still working on swapping out the IV bags.

"What? Like I can't handle a simple IV? This doctoring stuff isn't so hard once you get the hang of it. I'm pretty sure I could change these bags out in my sleep," Raph boasted, flicking the plastic bag currently hanging from the infusion stand with his forefinger.

"You know, since Donnie looks like he's about to fall right out of his shell, I think we should get something more nutritious into his system. Like maybe we could fill one of those plastic baggies with some coffee and eggs. That'd probably perk him right up."

Donnie couldn't help but to laugh at Mikey's proposition. Unfortunately for the genius turtle, every time he made the mistake of laughing, he would start coughing again, and then, the pain would come. This time was no exception.

When his latest coughing fit finally died down, Donatello wasn't able to stop a telltale grimace, which didn't go unnoticed by ever-vigilant Leonardo.

"I don't think so, Mikey. No caffeine. Donnie needs to get some rest."

"No way, dude! He hasn't eaten properly in a couple of weeks! He needs food!" The youngest brother proclaimed, not about to let Donnie go on an empty stomach a moment longer.

"Mikey, Donnie needs rest more than he needs food right now. No offense, Genius, but you look terrible."

"Thanks," Donatello groaned in response, not the least bit surprised that Raph would be the one to come right out and say that he looked awful. He was sure that his other brothers were thinking something similar, but unlike Raph, they had a little thing called tact.

"But he needs food to get his strength back!"

"Let him rest, Mikey. You can play Betty Crocker later!"

"I'll let him rest once he's had a decent meal!"

"Drop it, Mikey, or I'll drop you!"

Donatello audibly cleared his throat as if to remind his bickering brothers that he was in fact still awake and in the same room.

"As truly heartwarming as it is . . . to have the two of you fighting over me . . . it's really not necessary . . . to make such a fuss on my behalf. I'm perfectly fine."

Though Mikey and Raph had been at odds with one another only seconds before, all three of Donnie's brothers were now united in one common opinion and that was that their genius brother was not fine. They scowled down at him and simultaneously crossed their arms over their plastrons.

"Donnie, you came this close to dying!" Leonardo promptly unfolded his arms so he could pinch his fingers tightly together to symbolize just how close it had been.

"Okay, okay, I'm not exactly fine, but hey . . . this is the longest stretch . . . I've been awake for in two weeks. That's gotta count for something, right?" As he spoke, Donnie shifted in his shell, nervous over his brothers' undivided attention. All eyes were on him and they were not the friendly eyes he would have preferred.

"Get some rest, Donnie! No buts!" Leo ordered, attempting to cut his little brother's objection off before he could even consider it.

Too tired to try negotiating his way out of the mandated nap, Donnie instead hummed a sigh of content as he closed his eyes, welcoming the much-needed respite.

The last thing the genius turtle felt before dozing off was his brothers smoothing out his blanket and pillows. This simple gesture was like a warm hug, making him temporarily feel safe in the arms of sleep.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: See? I am capable of writing a chapter with a happy ending and no cliffhanger. XD**_

 _ **I'll try to be back next week with another chapter and a brand new cliffhanger for you. It's a good one. C=**_

 _ **As always, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' or any of my other stories if you are enjoying them. Your feedback is super important to me. I would really love to know if you like my stories and if people are still with me at this point. Thank you for reading and have an amazing day. ;) CJ**_


	28. Chapter 28 - Stubborn as Shell

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 28 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and it's a bit shorter than the previous chapter, but this one is guaranteed to make you smile. Especially if you're a B Team fan. C=**_

 _ **As always, I want to thank all of you for reading, 'favoriting', following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on my stories. I am so grateful to each and every one of you for the support that you have given me. Please continue to let me know if you're enjoying 'Lost in the Fight' or any of my other stories. Thanks so much!**_

 _ **I really hope you like the chapter. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 28 – Stubborn as Shell**

Though not normally gullible by nature, there was this naïve side of Raphael that had been suckered into believing that once his brainiac brother woke up, their lives would go back to normal, but that had been just wishful thinking on the hothead's part.

A harsh dose of reality was always there to knock him flat on his shell.

Things were most definitely not going back to normal.

Not now . . .

Maybe not ever . . .

Yes, there were undeniable blessings to be counted. First and foremost, Donatello had survived against seemingly impossible odds. Granted, his condition was still not ideal by any means, but it had stabilized enough that he appeared to be out of any immediate life-threatening danger.

Little by little, Donatello was getting better, but it was obvious that his recovery was going to be painfully slow. Much slower than they had all hoped for. Donatello's illness and grave injuries had left him in such a weakened state, he could only manage to stay awake for short increments at a time before tiring and conking out for hours. The more he slept, the more difficult it was to build up his strength. And without his strength, his immune system was struggling to battle off the pneumonia that continued to plague his lungs.

The whole situation was a bit of a catch-twenty-two.

Still, Donatello was making modest progress, even if it wasn't as rapid as the family would have liked. This was something they all needed to be grateful for.

As the days crawled by, the genius turtle's wounds were visibly healing and his periods of consciousness were gradually growing into longer stretches. When he would wake, his family tried to keep him in a sitting position for as long as his debilitated body would allow. They were keeping their fingers crossed that this would help to clear out Donatello's clogged up chest, as well as prevent other health risks that the internet had informed them were common with bedridden patients, such as blood clots and pressure ulcers.

Raph was really starting to hate surfing. The web that is . . .

Their lack of medical knowledge had forced them to rely heavily on internet research. While the internet had proved to be an extraordinarily valuable resource in helping them treat Donatello, it had also done a fine job of scaring the heck out of them, providing them with way more information than they cared to know. The horrifying worst case scenarios they had come across had made Mikey break down crying multiple times. It was no wonder Donnie could be so overly paranoid at times, knowing all that he did.

After spending so much time reading up on how-tos and potential complications of everything from stab wounds to bedsores, Raphael now looked at his brainiac little brother with brand-new appreciation. Up until Donatello had gotten critically injured, the temperamental turtle had never realized what a tremendous burden came with the price of knowledge. Some of that stuff they had read about was downright terrifying, not to mention gross.

Sometimes, ignorance truly was bliss.

 _I guess that explains why Mikey's so stinkin' happy all the time._

Raph shook his head from side to side, not exactly sure why. It just seemed like the thing to do at the time.

It was currently three hours into the red-masked turtle's afternoon shift and his second youngest brother been awake for about twenty minutes now, which was already five minutes longer than any stint that Donnie had stayed conscious for during Raph's last shift.

As soon as Donatello had opened his eyes, Raphael had helped his little brother into a comfortable sitting position in the center of his cot. The hotheaded turtle was presently sitting about an inch away from his injured brother with an arm protectively wrapped around Donnie's carapace. Raph didn't trust that his brother was strong enough to sit up on his own, so he was keeping a good hold on him, just to be safe.

Ever since they had nearly lost Donnie, Raph felt this burning need to keep his little brother safe at _all_ times . . .

The most volatile turtle had never been so worried about anyone or anything ever before. Not to this extreme. Even though Donnie seemed to be getting better, anxiety was still constantly needling away at Raph's gut, almost to the point that feel like hurling half the time.

Maybe that's why the comical scene currently playing out before Raphael was making it impossible for him not to smile from ear slit to ear slit. It was a welcome break from the endless stress.

Raph watched the antics of his two younger brothers with obvious amusement. It looked as if the act had come straight out of some slapstick comedy routine. One little brother was stubbornly trying to feed the other little brother who was stubbornly refusing to be fed.

"Donnie, you've gotta eat something. Besides, it's my homemade soup, so you _know_ it's mmm, mmm, mmm, _deeeee_ -licious!"

In a gesture suitable for a stage performer, Mikey dramatically circled the large bowl of soup that he was holding underneath Donnie's nose so that his ailing brother could get a good whiff of the dish's contents. The youngest turtle then lowered the bowl and filled a spoon up to the brim with his self-proclaimed 'world famous pizza noodle soup.'

"Now, open up and say 'ahh yeah!'"

As if the situation wasn't already mortifying enough for the genius turtle, Mikey just had to go and make belittling airplane noises while he flew the spoon up to his older brother's mouth, adding further insult to Donatello's many injuries.

Fixing a glower on his younger brother, Donnie kept his lips pressed together in a tight frown, pigheadedly refusing to open his mouth. Not just because he really didn't feel up to eating anything, but also, because he didn't approve of being treated like an infant by his highly juvenile baby brother.

Never one to take a hint, be it subtle or plain as day, Mikey repeatedly bounced the spoon off his injured brother's taut lower lip, making ridiculous crashing sounds to accompany each collision with Donnie's still closed mouth. The turbulence from Mikey's insistent bumping caused some of the soup to spill over the sides of the spoon and splash down onto the blanket covering the brainiac turtle's legs.

Donnie continued to glare at Mikey, not about to open his mouth, even if he would have been out-and-out starving to death. The thought of being spoon-fed by his little brother was downright embarrassing. He was seriously considering telling Mikey where to stick that stupid spoon.

"Aw, come on, D! You're like skin and shell, dude! You gotta eat, bro! Work with me here." Mikey rammed the spoon into Donnie's bottom lip a few more times before finally retracting the utensil in defeat. The youngest turtle's own bottom lip then jutted out into the most pitiful of pouts.

"Mikey, do you really think that's such a good idea? It took him all of five minutes to puke up the plain broth we gave him the other day." There was a cynical smirk on Raph's face meant to mock his baby brother, but the expression curled into an uncharacteristically soft smile when the hotheaded turtle reached over and patted Donnie on the good leg.

Making sure not to part his lips, the genius turtle returned the smile, but the expression hadn't looked the least bit sincere. Luckily, neither of his brothers seemed to notice.

"But look at him, Raph! He's totally wasting away to nothing. Plus, Leo and Master Splinter said he can't leave the infirmary until he starts eating solid foods. So if we want him to hang out with us again, we need to get some food into him like pronto!"

Afraid that his baby brother would instantly try to shove a spoonful of soup into his mouth if he let out the exasperated sigh he so desperately wanted to, Donnie instead opted to roll his eyes to demonstrate his annoyance.

Having been confined to a cot twenty-four seven since coming out of his coma several days ago, Donnie had discovered that even the littlest of things began to grate on one's nerves. For instance, the fact that everyone was constantly talking about him in third person, as if he wasn't even there. Maybe this patronizing behavior had developed during his two week absence from consciousness, but he wasn't in a coma anymore. They didn't need to keep speaking about him like he was still in a catatonic state.

Then, there was the incessant patting of various body parts. His family kept treating him like he was a well-behaved dog. They were always patting him on the arm, patting him on the top of the head, patting him on his good leg or shoulder – Basically anywhere that wasn't badly injured was liable to be patted. His entire family was guilty of the awkward display of affection that was quickly becoming one of Donnie's biggest pet peeves. Even inexpressive Raph had made an irritating habit of it.

What Donatello's family didn't realize was that the gesture constantly reminded the genius turtle of when Tiger Claw had mockingly patted him on top of the head right after informing him that he would never see his family again. This was just one of many painful recollections that wouldn't go away. Donnie wished he could find some scientific means to wipe the memories from the cerebral cortex of his brain, because they were tearing him apart, piece by piece.

But that still wasn't the worst of it . . .

The thing that he hated even more than the third person pronoun usage and the ceaseless patting was being treated like a small child. Case in point, Mikey, with his pizza noodle soup and goofy plane noises.

"Open up, bro. Nom nom nom," Mikey persuaded, holding the spoon up to Donnie's bottom lip again.

 _Nom nom nom? Seriously? What? Does he think I'm Cookie Monster?_

Donnie realized that his family wasn't aware that they were hurting him with their actions. They were just doing everything they could to try to make him feel better. That was why he was doing his best to act like nothing was bothering him. He didn't want to make his family feel uncomfortable around him because they were afraid of doing something that might upset him. And he definitely didn't want them to think that he was being ungrateful for their kindness.

Hence the reason Donnie hadn't snapped at his baby brother for pestering him. The brainy turtle realized that Mikey meant well, but that didn't make the situation any less humiliating. It was no wonder Raph couldn't wipe the huge smirk off his face . . .

Again, Donnie rolled his eyes upwards, and this time, he growled from behind his closed lips.

"But I made this soup just for you, Donnie! I slaved on it all morning! Can't you at least try it?"

Hearing the desperation in Mikey's plea, Donnie looked straight into his younger brother's bright blue eyes and saw the kindness and innocence that existed within them.

How could he say no to such a heartfelt request from his baby brother?

How could he say no to Mikey when all the little goofball ever wanted to do was make everyone happy?

Donnie let out an exasperated sigh, and then, he finally opened his mouth to indicate his consent.

Seeing his brainy brother's mouth drop open, Mikey grinned like a Cheshire cat, giddy over his victory. Sure, he wasn't exactly proud of having to resort to emotional blackmail to ultimately coerce Donnie into eating something, but hey, it had worked.

 _Awesome job, Mikey. You da man!_

Incapable of hiding his excitement, the youngest turtle eagerly scooped up a fresh spoonful of the once hot soup. He was just about to start the spoon's ascension towards Donnie's beak when the genius turtle's expression suddenly turned stern.

"But no more sound effects." To further stress his point, Donnie clamped his mouth shut, again.

Mikey nodded vigorously in response, but Donatello could see that his baby brother was disappointed that his airplane impression had gone unappreciated.

Normally, Donnie hated doing anything that disappointed his younger brother, but this time, it wasn't weighing on his conscience one little bit. There was no way in shell he was going to willingly allow his baby brother to continue to demean him like that. He had to defend the sad remains of his dignity.

Holding his head up defiantly, Donnie stared at Mikey through narrowed eyes. Once he saw and heard the spoon approach without a sound, the genius turtle opened his mouth again.

"Attaboy," Mikey chirped, propelling the spoon into Donnie's ajar mouth before his older brother had a chance to change his mind.

"Down the hatch it goes! Yummy, yummy in your tummy!"

 _Oh yeah . . . That's so much less degrading than the airplane noises_ , Donnie thought sardonically.

Feigning gratitude, the wounded turtle gulped down the food he really had no craving for. His stomach was already churning in opposition and the soup hadn't even made its way down his esophagus yet.

 _This surely won't bode well . . ._

Raph shook his head from side to side again, only this time, he knew exactly why he was doing it. Just like Donnie, the turtle in red was fairly confident Mikey's plan to 'fatten D up' was going to end in in disaster.

"I know it's my shift, but if he throws up, it's all on you, Mikey!" The sour look on Raph's face as he spoke informed Mikey that his grumpy big brother had meant every word of his threat.

"Uh, technically, if I throw up, it'll be all on me," Donnie corrected before his baby brother shoved the spoon into his mouth without warning.

Mikey let out a delighted little giggle, quite pleased with himself.

"That's a good boy, D."

Fighting off a scowl, the genius turtle swallowed his pride along with the soup.

* * *

Donatello remembered that Michelangelo had once said, "Genius is eternal patience."

Obviously, that quote had not come from his brother, Michelangelo, but rather the famous Italian artist, Michelangelo. The one that the youngest turtle had, in fact, been named after.

Well, Donnie had always appreciated the quote up until now . . .

The 'genius' turtle's patience was definitely not eternal. It was long gone.

"So, am I cleared for takeoff yet?" Donnie asked in a voice laden with frustration, unable to hide his growing resentment of his current situation. He cranked his head to the side, attempting to check out the hole in his shoulder that his oldest brother had just unwrapped. It was difficult to get a good view of the wound due to the angle that Donnie was currently in and the fact that Leo's big, green hands were in the way.

The injured turtle watched on helplessly as his big brother silently conducted a thorough examination of his mutilated shoulder, assessing it for any signs of infection. Donnie knew the mind-numbing routine all too well. Once the wound passed Leonardo's inspection, the blue-clad leader would clean it as he saw fit and slather on an antibiotic. Then would come the application of what Donnie thought was an exorbitant amount of bandages. He didn't have the heart or the audacity to point out that his family was wasting an excessive quantity of perfectly good bandages. He had no desire to be accused of being a nag.

The corners of the brainiac turtle's mouth drooped down into a frown.

Outside of the infirmary, Donnie could hear Mikey causing a ruckus and making some kind of obnoxious whooping sounds. The merriment in the youngest turtle's voice was unmistakable. Hearing it ironically made Donnie's frown deepen.

For the first time in three weeks, Donatello's brothers were going out on nighttime patrol and they couldn't hide their excitement. All day, Raph and Mikey had been beside themselves with exhilaration, totally pumped about finally getting a chance to leave the lair after what had felt like months. Leo had at least had the decency to show some consideration about it, attempting to keep his euphoria neatly contained in hopes that his genius brother couldn't detect it. Apparently, Leonardo was the only one who realized that celebrating their return to patrol was pretty much like rubbing salt in Donnie's wounds.

The truth was, even though Leo was doing his darnedest to hide his enthusiasm from everyone, it was still blatantly obvious to Donatello that all three of his brothers were beaming with anticipation. Mikey was practically bouncing off the walls, Raph was almost pleasant and smiling far more than usual, and Leo was chomping at the bit, no doubt busy planning the best routes to take. Donnie was left to wonder where exactly that left him . . .

Sealing his eyes shut for several long seconds, he tried to suppress the sob he felt coming on.

He was still quarantined in the infirmary, restricted to his cot for the most part. The only time that he had been permitted to leave the laboratory since coming out of his coma was for periodic bathroom breaks, and that was never of his own power. That undignified act entailed one or two of his brothers or his father carrying him like a baby to the restroom and accompanying him as he went about his 'business.' Once he finished 'the job,' they would haul him back to the infirmary, lay him back out on the cot, and hook him back up to his IV. That IV was one of the main reasons that he was being confined to the infirmary. He was still receiving heavy pain killers, antibiotics, and liquid nutrients via intravenous tubes.

Donnie looked down at the deep, purplish bruising surrounding the cannula projecting from his arm and grimaced. He couldn't wait to get that thing out of him, but until he could hold down solid food, Leonardo and Master Splinter had forbidden that from happening.

Somehow sinking down even further into his cot than he already was, Donnie sighed heavily and couldn't stop his frown from twisting into an almost comical expression. He felt like a sick little kid being forced to stay in bed on a snow day.

Leo softly chuckled to himself, amused by his younger brother's sulky face.

They had all noticed that 'Donnie the doctor' wasn't very good at being 'Donnie the patient.' There was no question that the genius turtle was getting frustrated with his not-so-speedy recovery.

While Donatello may not have been all that thrilled with his progress, Leonardo was actually rather pleased with the improvement that he had seen in his second youngest brother over the past few days. At this point, they had removed all of the stitches from Donnie's wounds and the only injuries that remained covered up were his shoulder and his broken leg. The majority of his external wounds were barely visible anymore. There was still some slight bruising around his face and neck and along his plastron, but it was gradually yellowing and fading out of sight. His ligature and burn marks were getting more and more difficult to distinguish from his regular skin. If there was going to be any scarring from these wounds, it would be minimal and could possibly even disappear over time. The claw marks in Donnie's plastron had also healed up quite nicely and wouldn't leave too much permanent damage behind. All that really stood out on Donnie's body at this point was the shoulder wound, the leg wound, and the bruising from his IV. Even his pneumonia seemed to be getting better. His uncontrollable hacking fits were getting fewer and farther between.

But as much as Donnie's condition had improved, he still had a long way to go on his road to recovery, both physically and mentally.

The turtle in blue carefully helped his intellectual brother up into a sitting position before finally answering his question.

"Sorry, Donnie, but as your acting family physician, I'm afraid I can't release you just yet," Leo said, making a deplorable attempt to keep the moment somewhat lighthearted. The oldest turtle had known that his answer wasn't going to be what Donnie wanted to hear, so he had tried to lessen the blow by being droll. The problem was, he could never pull off being droll the way that his two middle brothers could.

Judging by the now completely dejected look on his smartest brother's face, Leo had failed in his efforts to soften the setback.

"Your shoulder's looking much better, but I really don't think it's a good idea for you to leave the infirmary yet. You still need to stay hooked up to the IV and I wanna keep you close to the medical equipment, just in case. I know you're tired of being stuck in here, but you still have a lot of healing left to do, Donnie." The playfulness that had been in Leonardo's tone only seconds before was stripped away. He felt the content of the new message he was delivering warranted a more serious tone.

Donnie's brow creased in thought before he offered a reply.

"Well, as the family's primary caregiver, I'd like to give my second opinion, and that's that I believe I should be permitted to leave the infirmary. You said it yourself, Leo. My shoulder is healing and that was the worst of my injuries. My lungs are noticeably clearer and my leg is splinted, so if I put all my weight on my good leg, I won't damage my broken one any further. As for my IV, the stand is portable, Leo. You know that."

Donnie's argument was much fiercer than Leonardo had expected. Evidently, Donnie's ability to provide medical advice was back at full strength, just not the rest of him, despite what he seemed to think.

"No, Donnie. You're just not ready yet. You haven't been able to keep any solid food down, you can barely hold yourself up in a sitting position on your own, and you get winded just by talking for too long. You shouldn't be putting any unnecessary strain on your body. Not until you're stronger."

"But – " Donnie tried to reason, but the attempt was swiftly stopped short by his oldest brother.

"I said no, Donatello, and that's final," Leonardo scolded lightly and watched his brother's head lower down in defeat. The blue-masked ninja felt bad for not giving in to his wounded sibling's pleas, but he kept telling himself that it was for Donnie's own good.

Thinking that he had made himself abundantly clear, Leonardo then turned and went to quickly gather some more clean bandages. That was when his genius brother made a foolish decision they would both soon regret.

When Leo turned back around, he let out a gasp just before throwing the medical supplies to the floor so he could make a mad dash over to his little brother who had already pulled out his IV tubes, pushed himself off the cot, and was attempting to stand up.

"Donnie!" Leo shouted in a panic as he watched Donatello's unbroken leg wobble and give out underneath his weight, and then, to the oldest turtle's horror, his injured brother started falling face first towards the floor.

"NO!"

With his one arm securely taped against him, there was no way that Donnie would be able to catch his fall.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: /(O.O)\ I warned you that there would be a cliffhanger.**_

 _ **Just a heads up . . . I will not be posting an update for 'LITF' next week or possibly the week after. My daughter's birthday is coming up and we are going on a mini-vacation, so I won't have a lot of time to edit. I will, however, be posting a 'Shell Shot' or two in the very near future. C=**_

 _ **Once again, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying the story. It truly does mean a lot to me and I love hearing from all of you. It's also nice when your favorites go up instead of down . . . :(**_

 _ **Thanks so much for reading. *hugs* ;) CJ**_


	29. Chapter 29 - Falling Apart

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter 29 of 'Lost in the Fight.' Hopefully, this one's worth the wait.**_

 _ **A great big thanks to everyone for reading, 'favoriting', following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on 'Lost in the Fight.' I'm so very grateful to all of you**_ _ **.*HUGS* :}**_

 _ **Okay, I've made you wait long enough. Onto the chapter . . . ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 29 – Falling Apart**

For a moment, it was as if time stood still.

Leaning heavily on his cot, Donatello stared down at his feet that appeared to be firmly planted on the floor. His limbs felt rubbery from their lack of usage, causing him to temporarily second guess his decision to get up, but he had already yanked out his IV tubing and was practically standing at this point. It was too late to turn back now. Leo was going to be ticked off at him either way.

The genius turtle sucked in the deepest breath of air that he could before releasing his staunch grip on the side of the bed that had supported him for weeks, trusting his once sturdy legs to hold him up.

The vast majority of the voices inside his head were now hollering at him, telling him he wasn't strong enough, but he refused to give them any say in the matter. The only voice he allowed himself to listen to was his own, willing himself to keep going.

 _I've got this!_

 _I can do this!_

 _They're wrong!_

 _I'm not too weak!_

 _I'll show them I'm not!_

As he tried to straighten himself up, Donatello shifted a tenacious gaze on his oldest brother just in time to see him drop all of the medical supplies that he had collected and start sprinting towards him. Clearly, his big brother had no faith in him.

Unfortunately for Donatello, his big brother was right . . .

Donnie felt his uninjured leg buckle below him, and all of a sudden, gravity was working against him. One second, his eyes were pointed at Leonardo, and the next, they were staring down at the floor that he was about to crash into. Face first no less.

 _This is gonna hurt . . ._

 _Not my best plan ever . . ._

"Donnie! NO!"

The wounded turtle held out his good arm in a vain attempt to break his fall, but he knew without his other arm, the landing wasn't going to be the least bit pleasant.

Sealing his eyes shut, Donatello counted down the remaining milliseconds until impact.

 _Five, four, three, two, one . . ._

That was when Donnie felt his oldest brother grab hold of him just in the nick of time and the excruciating pain was instantaneous.

The desperation of the situation did not give Leonardo adequate time to be mindful of Donatello's injuries. More concerned with preventing his younger brother from slamming his head into the concrete floor, Leo had blindly latched onto whatever he could of Donnie as he lunged forward and essentially tackled his wounded brother.

The genius turtle cried out in agony as soon as his big brother grabbed onto him and inadvertently jostled his injured shoulder.

Upon hearing Leonardo's shout followed by Donatello's scream, every other occupant of the lair was inside of the infirmary within ten seconds of the brainiac turtle's collapse.

"Donnie!" Mikey shrieked out, rushing over to his injured brother who was writhing about in pain in the oldest turtle's arms.

"Leonardo, what happened?"

"Sensei! Donnie . . . he tried to . . . stand up!" As Leonardo panted out the words, he kept holding onto his genius brother for dear life, unknowingly causing him even more pain.

There was a worried expression on Master Splinter's face, but his voice did not exhibit the same emotion. He was calm, cool, and collected as he spoke, quickly taking charge of the situation.

"Raphael, help me get Donatello back onto the cot."

Without hesitation, the hotheaded turtle rushed forward and carefully pried Donnie out of Leonardo's tense grip. Then, Raph and Master Splinter hoisted the wounded turtle back up onto the cot.

Once he was set down on the mattress of his portable bed, Donatello's frantic thrashing ceased, although it was obvious to everyone that he was still in a considerable amount of pain.

Scrunching his eyes tightly shut and clamping his upper teeth over his lower lip, Donnie waited for the pain to recede to a more tolerable level. He focused on his breathing, trying the pain management techniques that his father had recently taught him. Drawing in deliberate, deep breaths, he felt his muscles start to relax and the burning sensation racking his body begin to die down. Slowly, he opened his eyes again only to discover that his whole family was hovering far too close for his comfort and everyone one of them was intently staring down at him.

 _Well, this isn't awkward at all_ , Donnie thought wryly.

The genius turtle flashed his family a timid smile that was watery at best, a little nervous as to how they were going to react to what had just transpired. He could see that Mikey looked upset, Raph looked concerned, Master Splinter looked straight-faced, and Leo looked like Raph. Not like the uncharacteristically concerned-looking Raph who was presently standing over Donnie. No, Leo looked like the majorly ticked-off kind of Raph.

The smile on Donnie's face instantly disappeared when he noticed his brother's anger.

"Leo . . . I . . . I'm sorry." The apology came out whisper-soft as Donnie peered up at Leonardo with big, rueful eyes that were filled with so much grief, it made the oldest turtle feel as though he had just been kicked in the gut.

Turning away from the remorseful gaze, Leo held his breath and mentally counted to ten in an effort to curb the thunder rolling within him over Donnie's out-and-out disregard of his orders. Leo had no sooner gotten done telling his injured brother that he wasn't strong enough to get up yet, and two seconds later, Donnie had decided to stand up anyway and risk further injury. Yes, Leo was frustrated over his brother's actions, but he quickly reminded himself that lashing out at Donnie at this point would only make things worse than they already were.

When he felt his emotions were effectively in check, Leonardo allowed himself the liberty to inhale and exhale once again before returning his eyes to Donatello. What Leo saw made his heart bottom out. Without the blanket that was usually covering most of his second youngest brother's body, the turtle in blue could see just how frail and sickly thin Donnie looked. The genius turtle was a mere skeleton of his former self.

 _Aw, Donnie . . ._

Leo cursed himself for feeling cross towards his wounded little brother, even if it had been for only a moment or so. It was a moment or so too long. In all truth, Leo was pretty sure his anger was just a kneejerk reaction to Donnie having scared him half out of his shell. He shuddered at the memory of seeing his brother falling forward after his leg had given way. It had been eerily reminiscent of when Donnie had fallen into a lifeless heap that night on the warehouse rooftop. That was something Leonardo never wanted to be reminded of again.

Staring down at his second youngest sibling, Leonardo opened his mouth to speak. When Donnie noticed this, he immediately lowered his head and readied himself for the imminent butt chewing that was sure to come from his oldest brother.

What came out of Leo's mouth was actually quite the contrary.

"Donnie, why would you do that? Why would you try to get up after I told you that you weren't ready to leave the infirmary yet? Do you want to get hurt?" Leo's tone was far softer than the brainy turtle had expected. Especially after seeing the anger that had been burning in his big brother's steely blue eyes just seconds before.

Lifting his head back up to look Leonardo in the eyes again, Donnie suddenly felt like he was about two inches tall. The anger that had been there was gone. Now his oldest brother's eyes held unspoken sadness and hurt brought on by the supposedly genius turtle's poor decision. Donnie could see the disappointment on Leo's face and in the leader's sagging posture. He could hear the sadness in his blue-clad brother's muted tone. His idiotic plan to prove that he was strong enough to stand on his own had achieved two clear outcomes. One, he had let Leonardo down for the umpteenth time, and two, he had made a fool out of himself, proving once again how truly useless he was.

Then, just like that, the voices were back in Donnie's head to criticize him.

" _Donnie, why would you do that?"_

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

 _"You're supposed to be the smart one."_

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

" _You're way too weak to get up."_

Hardening his lips into a thin line, Donnie did everything he could to conceal his pain while he attempted to block out those infernal voices that he wished would just go away. Why wouldn't they just leave him alone? He was home now. He was safe. He was with the people he loved the most in the world.

So why were the voices still there?

Why were they getting worse?

 _Why can't I fix this?_

Oblivious to Donnie's internal anguish, Leonardo was about to speak again when his father held up a paw to silence him.

"Donatello, why did you feel the need to get up after Leonardo told you that you were not ready yet?" Master Splinter asked softly, making sure to keep any bias or emotion from emerging in his voice. He wished Leonardo would have shown Donatello the same courtesy before making him feel guilty for his actions. Splinter understood that his oldest son was upset, but so was Donatello. Leonardo would need to show his hurting brother more compassion and patience if he wanted to regain Donatello's trust and nurse his broken spirit back to health.

As he gazed down at his second youngest child, the wise old rat could see and sense the torment that Donatello was putting himself through despite the fact that he was desperately trying to hide it from his family. While Donatello's physical condition may have been improving, Splinter feared that his most intellectual boy's emotional condition was steadily declining.

Donatello's broken voice then proved his father's fear was warranted.

"I . . . I just . . . I just wanted to show him that I could do it . . . but I guess all I did was prove him right. I'm not strong enough." It was painfully clear that Donatello was ashamed of himself for what he had done. There were visible tears shimmering in his eyes.

Hearing Donnie admit that he wasn't strong enough in such a shattered voice made Leonardo realize that even the cautious tone that he had used had still managed to wound his smartest brother emotionally. Leo immediately regretted questioning his injured brother's motives. He knew exactly why Donnie had done what he had done. If the blue-masked ninja would have been the one stuck lying on that cot, he would have done the very same thing.

"My son, you were gravely injured and you nearly lost your life. Your recovery will be most difficult and it will take a great deal of time and patience. I know that you are frustrated with your progress thus far, but you cannot expect the healing process to happen overnight. This will not be the easy fix you think it should be, Donatello. You must give yourself adequate time to mend. You cannot push yourself too soon, or you risk making your recovery even more painful."

"Hai, Sensei. I'm sorry," Donnie apologized again, so quietly, it could barely be heard over the various background noises buzzing throughout the laboratory.

Master Splinter offered a warm smile in response and pet his son's head affectionately.

"You have our forgiveness, my son, but I ask that you let what happened here be a lesson to you. As I have told you before, there is no shame in asking any of us for help. We all love you very much, Donatello, and we are here to help you. You cannot do this all on your own."

Donatello pressed his mouth into a small, tight smile. Not just to show his gratitude, but also, to keep his bottom lip from quivering. If there was one thing the genius turtle was good at, it was multitasking. Well, maybe he wasn't so good at the tasking part anymore, but he was all over the multi part of it.

"Leonardo, may I please have a word with you in the Dojo?"

The question his father had just posed made the contents of Leonardo's stomach instantly start to roil. The oldest turtle recognized that question as the warning it was. He was about to get a lecture . . .

"Hai, Sensei," Leonardo muttered with a respectful nod, and he then dutifully exited the laboratory.

Master Splinter patted his second youngest son's head one last time before following Leonardo out of Donatello's lab.

There was a smirk plastered on Raphael's face as he watched his father walk away.

"Looks like old Fearless is gonna get a talking to." The hotheaded turtle's snide comment was immediately followed by an evil little cackle.

"Better him than us, bro. That's what I always say," Mikey retorted with a goofy grin and a thumbs up. This made Raph's smirk grow even wider and he happily returned his baby brother's nonverbal gesture. Sure, Raph felt bad for Leo. His big brother had clearly been upset by what had happened, but even so, the red-masked turtle couldn't help but to relish in the fact that golden boy Leonardo was in for a serious lecture from their father. As cruel as it sounded, anything that knocked his older brother's illusions of perfection down a notch or two was A-okay in Raph's book.

Dipping down into the depths of his pillows, Donnie stared at the open lab doors through watery eyes. The amusement that Raph and Mikey had found in the situation was not shared by Donatello. How could he find humor in the situation when he was the reason his oldest brother was in for one of Master Splinter's dreaded lectures?

 _I'm so sorry, Leo._

 _All I ever do is screw everything up . . ._

* * *

Leonardo lowered himself down into a kneeling position on the area rug in front of the Dojo tree and listened to the sound of silence. Closing his eyes, the oldest turtle slowly breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth in an attempt to steady his taut nerves. He knew that his father would arrive at any moment so he needed to clear his thoughts of any unnecessary clutter.

 _Focus . . ._

 _Concentrate on your breathing . . ._

 _Inhale . . ._

 _Exhale . . ._

 _Let everything else disappear . . ._

As Leonardo sat there trying to find his center, Master Splinter entered the Dojo like a ghost. He noiselessly sunk down into a lotus position a few feet across from where his oldest son was kneeling.

It wasn't until he heard Master Splinter draw in a deep breath that Leonardo realized he was no longer alone in the room, but his sensei's sudden presence didn't startle the turtle the slightest bit. Leo was so used to his father seemingly appearing out of thin air, it rarely spooked the leader anymore.

Drawing in an audible breath of his own, Leonardo opened his eyes, but he kept his head bowed in deference.

"Leonardo, do you know why I have asked you to speak with me?"

Arching one eyebrow up quizzically, Master Splinter patiently waited for his oldest son to consider his response.

"I think I have an idea, Sensei. Is this is about my decision to go out on patrol tonight?" Leonardo asked in a much more insecure manner than he had originally intended. In his mind, he had felt confident in his assumption about why he had been summoned to the Dojo, but the rest of his body was not feeling that same confidence.

 _Why the heck am I so nervous? I've haven't done anything wrong. At least I don't think I have . . ._

"Yes, that is part of what I wish to discuss with you."

The usual lack of emotion in Master Splinter's voice and ambiguous expression on his face could sometimes be unnerving. It made it impossible to know what was going on inside of his head, and therefore, impossible to predict where a conversation would go.

Feeling a strange need to defend his choice, Leonardo spoke slightly out of turn, which was something the most respectful turtle normally wouldn't do around his father.

"Sensei, it's been three weeks since we've been out on patrol. Now that Donnie's condition is no longer critical, don't you think it's time for us to get back to our regular routine? The city needs our protection, now more than ever."

"Leonardo, I did not say that I disapprove of your decision to return to the surface."

When he heard his father essentially give him his blessing, Leonardo puffed his chest out proudly, quite pleased with the achievement he believed to have made.

"However – "

All of the air instantly deflated out of Leonardo's lungs as soon as he heard his father say the word 'however.' It was one of Master Splinter's favorite words to use and one of Leonardo's least favorite words to hear.

" – I want you to be aware of the damaging effects it could potentially have on Donatello."

"It's okay, Sensei. I talked to Donnie about it this morning and he was totally fine with it," Leonardo said in a rather arrogant fashion, as though he had predicted exactly what his father was going to say and had already nipped the concern in the bud by getting Donatello's approval earlier in the day.

"Leonardo, what Donatello says and what Donatello thinks are two entirely different entities. I fear that your brother is in a very dark place right now and watching his three brothers return to their 'regular routine,' as you put it, is only going to make Donatello's recovery that much more difficult."

"But, Sensei, his shoulder's looking much better, his pneumonia is improving, his leg is – " There were several more items that Leonardo had planned to list off, but he was interrupted mid-sentence.

"I do not mean his physical wounds, Leonardo. I am referring to his emotional ones. Did you not see the look on your brother's face when you let your anger show?" The harshness in Master Splinter's tone was growing with each passing moment that his oldest son failed to comprehend what he was trying to say.

Leonardo cringed at Master Splinter's question. Not because of his father's increasingly terse tone, but because of the actual content of the inquiry. The blue-clad turtle had thought that he had turned away in time to conceal his anger from his family. He should have known better. It was hard to slip anything past Donatello and even harder to sneak something past Master Splinter.

"Yes, he saw it," Master Splinter groaned, answering Leonardo's question before he could even ask it. "Your brother is far more perceptive than we all give him credit for and that perceptiveness can do him more harm than good."

"I'm sorry, Sensei. I didn't mean to get angry. I was . . . I was just upset over what happened. I kept thinking 'what if I wouldn't have caught him when I did?' He could have . . . " Leonardo found himself unable to complete the thought, too frightened of what could have happened. Donnie had come within inches of smashing into the concrete floor. He could've been seriously injured . . . _again_.

Master Splinter reached out and squeezed Leonardo's shoulder reassuringly.

"Do not mistake the meaning behind my words, Leonardo. It is not my intention to criticize your reaction. You are entitled to your emotions, my son. Your anger was understandable given the circumstances and you controlled it admirably. It is Donatello's reaction that concerns me. Did you see your brother's face when you asked him why he had gotten up?"

"Yes . . . " Leonardo answered hesitantly as he tried to visualize his genius brother's appearance at the time. The leader in blue didn't remember anything noteworthy about how Donnie had looked when he had asked that question. "He was just sort of staring up at me with this blank expression."

"That was because your brother was doing everything in his power to hide his emotions from us, but I could sense his torment and feel his despair. This is not the first time I have sensed there is something deeply troubling your brother since his return to us," Master Splinter said softly and his long face then dipped down into a sorrowful frown.

"Tell me, Leonardo. Has Donatello spoken to you about his ordeal?"

"No, not really. Every time I try to ask him about it, he either changes the subject, breaks into a coughing fit, or claims that he's too tired to talk. Come to think of it, the last time that I asked him about it, he just closed his eyes and went right to sleep. He dodges every question I throw at him."

There was no doubt that Leonardo was getting frustrated with his inability to get his smartest brother to open up to him. It was like Donnie didn't want him to help him. Now Leo was curious to know if his wounded sibling had been treating the rest of the family the same way.

"Has he said anything to you about it, Sensei?"

Master Splinter narrowed his eyes and pinched his beard in contemplation before responding. "I am afraid not, my son. I cannot get him to speak of what happened to him, and that is not for lack of trying."

Self-conscious about the moisture starting to gather in the corners of his eyes, Leonardo turned his head away from his father and stared down at the rug beneath him. He was suddenly at a complete loss as to what to say.

"He is shutting all of us out, Leonardo. I fear it will only get worse once the three of you return to your patrolling of the city again. When you leave him behind, I worry that he will start to lose his sense of purpose and hope. He will see his brothers go back to their normal lives and he will realize that he cannot. I fear that it will make him question his value."

"What would you have me do, Sensei?" Leonardo asked, looking back up at his father with imploring eyes, desperate for any kind of guidance his mentor could give him. "How can I help him?"

"I am sorry, my son. I do not possess the definitive answers you seek. Your brother's spirit is broken and I am uncertain how to repair the damage that has been done. We cannot force your brother to talk to us, or we risk him pushing us even further away, but if he does not let us in, we could lose him to the darkness consuming him. For his sake, we must figure out how to reach him before it is too late. I believe you may be the only one who can achieve this."

Leonardo was about to ask his father why he felt that he was the only one who could reach Donnie, when he realized that the answer to that question was probably not something he wanted to hear. Leo was guessing that it had something to do with him being the one who had hurt Donatello so badly in the first place. If his father was to actually say out loud that this was all his fault, it would have been too much for Leonardo to bear. Just knowing that he was the reason Donnie was in such a depressed state was too much to bear as it was . . .

"Please, help him, Leonardo." Master Splinter's plea came out just above a whisper and there was a vulnerable tremor in his voice that Leonardo was not used to hearing from his father.

That tremor made the oldest turtle that much more determined to help his brother. He would not fail Donnie or his father. Not this time.

Leonardo bowed his head before saying, "I swear to you, father, I will find a way to get through to him. I promise we won't lose him."

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Oh, poor Master Splinter. He's so worried about Donatello. It makes me all kinds of sad. :(**_

 _ **Just so everyone is aware ahead of time, I probably won't be posting an update for 'Lost in the Fight' next week. Too many things going on lately . . . Sorry.**_

 _ **I will tell you that the next chapter of 'LITF' is one of my very favorites in the story. There's a whole lot of fluff and humor in it, but there's plenty of angst as well. I'm really hoping that everyone's going to like it. C=**_

 _ **Oooh! I should also tell you that I will soon be posting a new 'TMNT Shell Shot' that takes place after the episode 'Requiem.' It's a bit of a tearjerker.**_

 _ **Please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' to let me know if you are enjoying the story. I would really appreciate the feedback and would love, love, LOVE to hear from you. As always, thanks so much for reading. ;) CJ**_


	30. Chapter 30 - Take a Seat

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 30 of 'Lost in the Fight,' and as I said in my author's notes at the end of the last chapter, it's one of my favorite chapters in the story. I'm super excited to share it with you. A big thanks to everyone for being so patient with me and for always supporting me. I adore all of you. 8}**_

 _ **Thank you so much for reading. I really hope you like it . . . ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 30 – Take a Seat**

"Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty," arose a voice that was far too chipper for Donatello's liking.

 _Funny, I don't remember requesting a wakeup call_ . . .

Pressing his eyelids together as tightly as possible and draping the crook of his unpinned arm over his face, the genius turtle let out a low moan in response. He had no desire to talk to whoever was trying to disturb what had been a reasonably peaceful slumber for once.

"Come on, Donnie. Time to get up!"

Again, the voice came out much jollier than Donnie could stand this early in the morning. At least he assumed it was early in the morning, since the individual so rudely intent on waking him up had started with 'rise and shine.'

Another moan emitted from the still sleepy turtle.

His tired and achy body was screaming out for more rest.

"Donnie."

This time, the voice was serious and void of the bothersome cheer. All of a sudden, Leonardo sounded a lot more like his usual self.

Apparently, three straight weeks of allowing Donatello to sleep whenever he wanted to was where his family had decided to draw the line, and now, they were going to attempt to get him back on some sort of regular schedule. Perhaps this was their cruel form of revenge for all of the hard work and long hours that they had put in, constantly watching over him.

 _What goes around, comes around_ . . .

As Donnie finally cracked open his eyes, his mouth twisted into a grimace that revealed his genuine lack of enthusiasm over being woken up.

"Good morning, little brother."

Seeing the wide grin plastered on his oldest brother's face instantly washed away any crankiness Donatello might have been feeling inside. His big brother didn't grin like that nearly as often as he used to. Sometimes it seemed like Leo struggled to find a reason to be happy anymore.

 _I miss that grin . . ._

"'Morning, Leo," Donnie mumbled in return. He then made the mistake of trying to stretch out his stiff muscles. His face creased into a wince of agony as every body part simultaneously protested the movement. Being laid out on a cot day and night for several weeks probably had something to do with that.

"'You okay, Donnie?" The concern now lacing Leonardo's voice was glaringly obvious. He had seen the telltale wince of pain from his wounded brother, so he already knew that Donnie was anything but okay, but Leo still felt compelled to ask the question nevertheless. He had always been a creature of habit.

"Yeah. Just a little sore is all." Donnie was quick to downplay his condition and force a phony smile, proving that he, too, was prone to habitual behavior.

Leo inwardly frowned, not the least bit convinced by his brother's thin smile or his attempt to brush off the pain as though it was nothing. After his meeting with Master Splinter the day before, the oldest turtle suddenly found himself scrutinizing over Donnie's every word, movement, sound, expression, breath – anything that might indicate what was going on inside of the genius turtle's head. Leonardo just hoped that his second youngest brother wouldn't notice that he was examining him like a lab specimen. That would be awkward.

"Sorry I woke you, Donnie, but there's something I wanted to talk to you about that couldn't wait." Leo's tone took on his infamous 'in-all-seriousness' quality as he wrapped one of his strong hands around Donnie's forearm.

"It's okay, Leo. I've been asleep the greater part of three weeks now. It's probably time to get back on some sort of normal sleeping routine. What did you wanna talk about?"

On the outside, Donnie acted as though he was the pillar of self-control and patience, all the while, his insides were twisting like licorice. He could only presume that his big brother wanted to discuss what had happened the previous day, when he had nearly faceplanted into the floor. That not-so glorious moment of humiliation was the last thing that Donnie wanted to talk about right now, but he was, in essence, a captive audience. It wasn't like he could just get up and leave the room. If he could, they wouldn't be about to have this conversation.

"I've been thinking about what happened yesterday."

 _Of course you have_ , Donnie groaned in his head, already dreading the lecture that was sure to follow a lead-in like that.

It had seemed a little strange to the genius turtle that no one in his family had reprimanded him yet for his foolish actions. They were probably just taking pity on him again. Sparing him from raised voices and well-deserved lectures was yet another means of handling him with kid gloves. It was as though they were all afraid he was breakable. In a way, Donnie supposed he was.

 _That's why you're on this cot in the first place. Because you're the fragile one, remember?_

Then, Donnie's older brothers' voices sounded out in his head again, always eager to ridicule him . . .

" _You're way too weak to get up."_

" _What you did was incredibly dangerous and stupid."_

" _What the shell were you thinking?"_

" _Here I thought Mikey was the bonehead of the family."_

Leo unknowingly interrupted Donnie's moment of self-loathing by finishing what he had started to say.

"And after careful consideration, I've decided to accept the family's primary caregiver's second opinion on his release." It was almost impossible for Leonardo to keep a straight face as he delivered this news, but he somehow managed to keep his expression blank.

The words that had just come out of Leonardo's mouth almost made Donnie choke on his own breath.

"I – I'm sorry. Wh – What are you trying to say?" Donnie asked just to make sure that he had heard his oldest brother correctly. The brainy turtle was having a tough time believing his own ear slits.

"I'm saying that I've decided the patient should be permitted to leave the infirmary, effective immediately."

A playful smirk tugged across Leonardo's face. He had tried his best to sound all scholarly like his genius brother as he had made the big announcement, but it had only come off as hokey.

If his huge smile was any indication, Donnie whole-heartedly approved of what his oldest brother had just said, hokey or not.

Leo reciprocated the smile, although his face soon took on a serious quality once again as he slipped into full-on big brother mode.

 _And here comes the notorious 'but_ ' . . . Donnie thought sullenly.

"Provided said patient follows all directions to a T, abides by his set restrictions, utilizes the lair nursing staff at all times, stays out of trouble, and doesn't push himself more than he should."

"I think the patient can agree to those terms," Donnie teased and peered up at his big brother through now waterlogged eyes.

Seeing the grateful expression on Donnie's face and the tears of joy gathering in his eyes made Leonardo's heart soar to unparalleled heights. It also made the blue-clad turtle all the more excited for what was waiting for Donnie behind the lab doors.

"There's another reason I woke you up." Before he could even finish his sentence, Leo's face lit up with another grin, this one even fuller than the one before. He eagerly bent down and helped Donnie up into a sitting position, using pillows to help prop up his injured brother.

Once Leo felt certain that there was no immediate danger of Donnie falling over, he stepped aside so he didn't block his little brother's view.

"We got you something last night. Guys!"

The lab doors slid open, and in came Raph, pushing Mikey in a wheelchair.

"Surprise!" Donnie's three brothers shouted in staggered unison, unable to hide their jubilation.

At first, Donnie felt an upsurge of panic when he saw his baby brother was in a wheelchair, but the smartest turtle's rational mind was quick to regain control. He noticed that there was a rather crude version of a gift bow attached to one of the arms of the chair, informing him that the wheelchair was, in fact, the 'something' gotten that Leo had been referring to before signaling for Mikey and Raph to enter the laboratory.

Somewhat taken aback by the offering before him, Donnie just gaped at it, mouth slightly ajar.

A vacant stare from his most intelligent brother was definitely not the reaction Leonardo had been hoping for. In the leader's mind, the scene had played out altogether differently.

"Guess what it is!" Mikey chirped as he launched himself from the wheeled seat and hopped about the room enthusiastically, pumping his fists the whole time.

"He knows what it is, shell brain!"

As soon as Mikey got within striking distance, Raph whacked him in the back of the head to further emphasize his disgust.

"Owwwww! I just asked a simple question!"

Humoring his baby brother, Donnie muttered, "It's a wheelchair." The words were drenched with sarcasm, indicating that the brainiac turtle knew he was indeed stating the obvious.

"Not just any wheelchair, bro! It's the 'Wheel-D-matic Three Thousand!' That's what I named it," Mikey boasted before presenting the chair as though it was a grand prize on a game show.

The look on Donnie's face was certainly not that of a flabbergasted game show contestant, but then again, the look on Mikey's face wasn't exactly that of a game show model, either.

"Wow, guys. I, uh . . . I really don't know what to say." Donnie just continued to stare down at the wheelchair without any show of emotion to suggest what he was feeling inside.

Several long-drawn-out moments of silence passed while the second youngest turtle just sat there, studying the wheeled object. That was when he noticed the pristine condition that the chair was in. This kicked his 'Donnie sense' – as Mikey sometimes liked to call it – into high gear.

Based on the rather immaculate shape that the manual wheelchair was in, Donnie now knew that there was no way his brothers had commandeered the chair from a junkyard. It didn't take a genius to realize that people didn't just throw away perfectly good wheelchairs, even if they no longer required them. Donatello was willing to bet that most humans gave their unwanted wheelchairs to someone that they knew who was in need. Either that, or they would donate them to a local medical facility or some kind of organization that provided medical equipment and supplies to those who could not afford them.

 _So if they didn't get it from a junkyard . . ._

Donnie's face suddenly twisted into an expression akin to that of someone watching a grotesque horror scene.

"Wait! Where did you get _this_ from?"

As the various appalling possibilities of how his brothers could have acquired the wheelchair began to run through his head, Donnie all of a sudden got a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Well, a queasier feeling than normal. The genius turtle then looked down at the chair as though it had come from the devil himself.

"Please tell me there isn't some poor person in a nursing home that's going to wake up this morning to find their only means of transportation is missing."

"It's not important _where_ we got it, Donnie. What's important is _why_ we got it." Upon saying this, Leo placed his hands on his hips to strike a heroic pose, acting as if their acquisition of the wheelchair was the noblest of deeds.

"Tell that to the elderly person who's now without a wheelchair," Donnie retorted in a snarky tone, not feeling that the old 'end justifies the means' concept really applied here. Consequentialism had its place, but that place should not be anywhere near the practice of pilfering wheelchairs from those who needed them.

"We didn't steal it from a nursing home, okay! Sheesh, give us a little credit." The hotheaded turtle crossed his arms in front of himself in a huff, as though offended by Donnie's allegation that they would stoop so low as to rob from some unsuspecting senior citizen. Raph then internalized a shudder when he realized that the truth about where they had actually obtained the wheelchair from wasn't a whole lot better than what the brainiac had just accused them of.

A guilty expression washed over Leonardo's face which the always astute genius turtle immediately spotted. Donnie also noticed that Mikey had grown abnormally quiet and Raph was twitching far more than usual.

These were not encouraging signs.

"Raph didn't take it right out from underneath some handicapped person in the street, did he?"

Bouncing his gaze between his three brothers, Donatello mentally crossed his fingers that none of them were going to respond "yes" to his question. He didn't believe for a second that Mikey was capable of such a despicable act, but Raph was an 'act first, think later' kind of turtle, and sometimes, Leo took the 'desperate times call for desperate measures' approach. The two eldest brothers had said over and over again that they would do anything to safeguard their younger siblings. The key word being 'anything.'

Donnie shook his head in denial. He really hoped his brothers hadn't gone and committed such a disgraceful crime on account of him.

"What? No! Of course not!" Leo howled out, feeling as though his ethics were being called into question. He wondered if Donnie honestly believed that he was so barren of morals that he would idly stand by and let Raph mug someone confined to a wheelchair.

"Hey, that would've made things a lot easier."

"Real nice, Raph."

The red-masked turtle just shrugged in response to Leo's comment.

"Listen, I know you guys didn't get this from a junkyard. So where, pray tell, did you get it from?" As Donnie posed his question, he pointed at the wheelchair as if it was evil. He then turned his mouth down into a textbook frowny face. The expression was so brilliantly executed, if one were to look up the word 'frown' in the dictionary, Donnie's picture would've been there.

The three brothers being questioned looked off into all different directions, pretending as though they hadn't heard the inquiry. Clearly, none of them wanted to be the one to tell Donnie the actual truth, which made the genius turtle all the more uneasy.

"Okay, the way I see it, there are three possible scenarios for how you attained that chair." Before continuing, Donatello held up his unpinned hand so he could list off the scenarios on his fingers. "One, you stole it from a medical facility, which is unacceptable. Two, you had April buy it, which is also unacceptable. Or three, you took it from a handicapped person, which is inexcusable. So . . . which one is it?" It was easy to hear from Donnie's voice that he was growing increasingly frustrated with his brothers' failure to be honest with him.

Leo and Raph continued to intentionally glance every which way but their brainy brother, but Mikey couldn't look away any longer. The youngest turtle then cracked under the pressure Donnie was applying. Mikey couldn't keep such a scandalous secret from his closest brother. Actually, he couldn't really keep a secret, period.

"The first one," Mikey mumbled, hanging his head down so low, his chin touched his plastron. He wasn't sure what he was most ashamed of: lying to Donnie, ratting out his two oldest brothers, or swiping a wheelchair. They all seemed equally bad to Mikey right about now. He wished he would've never let his pushy big brothers talk him into their crazy plan, but they'd somehow tricked him into believing that the very fate of Donnie's recovery rested solely on them getting a wheelchair by whatever means necessary. Leo and Raph had insisted they couldn't possibly pull off such a death-defying feat without Mikey's awesome ninja skills and they'd sworn on their honor that Donnie would never ever find out where they'd gotten the chair from. Well, that wasn't exactly how it had gone down, but in Mikey's mind, that's how _he_ remembered it. He was the helpless victim here, forced to do his older brothers' bidding.

The sound of Donnie's shrill voice suddenly snapped Mikey out of his thoughts.

"You stole it from a hospital?"

When Mikey looked up and saw that Donnie's eyes were nearly bulging out of their sockets, the orange-masked turtle quickly veered his gaze to his two oldest brothers, hoping that one of them would chime in.

"Eh, not exactly," Leonardo was quick to answer as he edged closer to Donnie, afraid that his injured brother was seriously thinking about leaping off the cot, grabbing one of his bo-staffs, and whacking them all over the head with it.

Then, Mikey just had to go and make things worse . . .

"It was a clinic."

"Mikey!"

In response to his two oldest siblings hollering his name, Mikey pursed his lips into an O-shape and promptly backed out of his hotheaded brother's reach. He was guessing by the rather irate looks on both Leo and Raph's faces, they weren't overly happy with him.

So much for Donnie never ever finding out where they'd gotten the chair from . . .

"Oops! My bad."

Ignoring his baby brother, Leonardo kept his eyes focused on his second youngest sibling, worried that he might inadvertently hurt himself.

"Donnie, I know what you're thinking – " The oldest turtle started, but the rest of his sentence was abruptly cut short.

"No! You! Don't!"

Leo flinched at the harshness in Donnie's tone before attempting to justify his actions.

"Okay, maybe not, but this place . . . it had way more wheelchairs than necessary. Some of them looked like they hadn't even been used."

"Oh, well in that case, that makes everything okay." Donnie's every word was dripping with sarcasm, but Leo somehow managed to totally miss his brother's nonverbal cues. Once the turtle in blue heard the words 'everything okay,' he naively tuned everything else out, thinking those words meant that he had just been exonerated from all wrongdoing.

"Really?" Leo asked, quite pleased with how easy that had been. Here, he had thought Donnie was going to make a big stink about the whole thing.

"No! It's not okay! You stole a wheelchair!"

Leo flinched again.

Apparently, Donatello had a big stink to make about it after all . . .

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, we could've stolen one of those powered ones, but we didn't." Raph immediately followed those words with a grimace when he realized that he hadn't helped matters any with his extremely insensitive comment, but at least he hadn't dug the hole as deep Mikey was about to.

"That's only 'cause Leo thought it'd be best to take the chair with the widest seat." Mikey turned and looked right at Donnie before adding, "I told him your butt wasn't _that_ big, but obviously, Leo didn't agree."

The oldest turtle dangled his head down in front of him, now completely mortified. This was not going at all like Leo had planned.

Opting to disregard the insinuation that he had a large backside, Donnie closed his eyes and drew in an audible breath, almost as though he was attempting to find inner peace. He then looked back up at his brothers with a serene expression on his face.

"Perhaps I didn't make myself clear a moment ago," Donnie stated surprisingly calm, but a split second later, he got that crazy look in his eyes that he always did when he was about to spaz out. He then clenched both of his hands into tight fists – even though one was still taped against his chest – before shrieking, "YOU BROKE INTO A CLINIC AND STOLE A WHEELCHAIR!"

All three of Donnie's brothers cringed at the unexpected outburst from their unwell brother and they were soon overwhelmed with concern over how agitated he was getting. They could hear that his breathing had become labored and see that he had broken out into a cold sweat, possibly from overexertion, anger, or a combination of both. Whatever the case, it looked as though he could barely hold himself up anymore.

"You need to take it easy, Donnie." Leo held his hands up to show truce as he sat down on the cot next to his second youngest brother, keeping his fingers crossed that Donnie wouldn't haul off and slug him.

Raphael quickly sat down on the other side of Donatello, readying to catch him if need be.

"We didn't mean to get you all worked up, little brother." The worry in Raph's normally gruff voice was unmistakable.

"Yeah, the last thing we wanted to do was upset you, Donnie. I know you don't approve of the choices we made, but we were only trying to help you. Please try to understand why we did what we did," Leo pleaded, gently. "But if you can't understand, and you have to blame someone for this, then blame me. I'm the one who came up with the idea. I thought if we got you a wheelchair, you'd get better faster."

"But you stole it." There was a wounded expression on Donnie's face as he whispered those words. The anger had rapidly receded, leaving him to drown in an endless ocean of sadness once again. His brothers had committed at least two misdemeanors – possibly even a felony depending on what the cash value of the wheelchair was – all because of him. As if his brothers' criminal activities weren't dreadful enough, there was now a clinic minus one wheelchair for its patients. Again, all because of him.

"What if someone really needs that wheelchair?" Donnie asked in a quiet, unsteady voice and the tears began to pool in his reddish-brown eyes.

Leo took one look in his little brother's sorrowful eyes and he couldn't help but to pull Donnie into a comforting embrace, being careful not to squeeze too hard. The oldest turtle rested his head on his brother's good shoulder and rubbed his shell, choking back a sob as he drew Donnie closer.

There was no question in Leonardo's mind that Donnie's heart was as big as they came. So big, it was oftentimes stretched well beyond its limits. Donatello was filled with undying kindness, trust, and loyalty to anyone or anything, be it some bumbling doofus like the Pulverizer or one of his over-the-top inventions like Metalhead.

Come what may, Donnie was always thinking of others rather than himself, so much so that he had a tendency to worry and work himself sick. His brothers had seen this from him time and time again. Even now, as broken and damaged as he was, Donnie was agonizing over the slight chance that some stranger might go without a wheelchair because of what his brothers had done. He didn't have a modicum of concern about himself going without something he clearly needed. He only cared about the needs of others.

 _Well, it's high time Donnie's needs came first for once . . ._

Leonardo released his hold on his wounded brother only to see that he was hanging his head down. The sight made Leo like he had been punched in the gut.

"Donnie, _you_ need that wheelchair." Leo put extra emphasis on the word 'you' as he spoke. He then placed a forefinger underneath Donnie's chin to gently lift his head up so that their eyes met. It pained Leo to see the unshed tears glistening in his brother's eyes. All he wanted to do was make Donnie's suffering go away, not make it worse.

Wanting so much to comfort his distraught sibling, Leo reached over and patted Donnie's good leg.

"I'll tell you what, little brother. Once you no longer need this chair, you and I'll go back to that clinic and we'll return what we borrowed, okay?"

Sniffling softly, Donnie nodded at his oldest brother and pressed his lips into a small smile. He then twisted the knuckles of his free hand into each of his eye sockets to push back any tears that were threatening to escape, nearly tipping over the infusion stand he was still tethered to in the process.

"So, what do you say we take this bad boy out for a test drive, Donnie?" Raph suggested as he got up and pushed the wheelchair beside Donnie's cot.

Donnie glimpsed down at the wheelchair, and then, at the cot that he had been confined to for three weeks. He only needed a moment to contemplate his decision. The wheelchair promised movement and autonomy. The cot promised bed sores, atrophy, and dependency.

 _This is a no-brainer, genius . . ._

Again, Donnie nodded, and this time, his two older brothers nodded back. Donnie's three brothers then went about the necessary preparations. Raphael locked the wheels of the wheelchair, readying it for Donnie's transfer. Leonardo rolled Donnie's IV stand around so it was beside the wheelchair, giving them adequate slack in the IV tubes for the moving process. Mikey just followed his two oldest brothers around, ready to provide any additional assistance that may be needed.

When they felt all of the vital safety precautions had been taken, Leo and Raph carefully lifted their injured brother's body into an upright position, making sure to support his weight as they turned him so that his back was facing the front of the chair. They then ever-so slowly lowered him into the wheelchair, being mindful of his broken leg and mangled shoulder. All the while, Mikey hovered beside them like a nervous mother.

The relocation process went off without a snag, aside from a few pain-filled squeaks that Donnie was unable to contain during the shuffle.

Once the genius turtle was settled into the chair, Leonardo stared down at him and was thrilled to see that his little brother appeared to be reasonably comfortable in his new seat. Thankfully, they had gone with the widest seat, because even as underweight as Donnie was, his shell barely fit in the chair.

Carapaces could be both a blessing and a curse.

"It looks good on you, Donnie Boy," Raph teased, rubbing his knuckles on the top of his brainiac brother's head.

Donnie smiled warmly and batted his immediate older brother's hand away. He then looked down at the chair he now was situated on, making a mental inventory of its various parts and features.

 _Push handles, backrest, armrests, seat, brakes, push ring, footrests, castors, et cetera . . ._

As near as Donnie could tell, it was just your basic, run-of-the-mill manual wheelchair. No fancy bells or whistles. Just a –

 _Wait! Manual wheelchair?_

It was at this point Donnie realized that his brothers had overlooked one very major detail.

"Uh, guys? Any idea how I'm gonna maneuver this thing with only one good arm?"

Leo grimaced when it suddenly occurred to him that they should have stolen the powered wheelchair after all.

"Hey, you're supposed to be the genius of the family. I'm sure you'll be able to figure something out, Einstein. I mean, you can't expect us to do _everything_ for you," Raph quipped, slapping Donnie on the back of the shell a lot lighter than he would have had his younger brother been healthy.

"No worries, D. Once you make a few of your Donnifications to it, you'll have this baby flying in no time. I was thinking maybe you could add like some flame decals to the sides or something. Oh, and some rocket launchers . . . or maybe even hoverboards! Yeah, definitely hoverboards! That'd be totally sweet!"

Raph shook his head from side to side. He didn't have the stomach or the patience to ask Mikey what the shell Donnie needed hoverboards for.

"Whoa, slow down, Mikey. The first 'Donnification' that we'll need to work on is adding an IV holder to this thing. That is, unless Donnie starts eating solid foods again," Leo said with a mischievous wink, hoping to con his genius brother into trying to eat again. After the pizza noodle soup incident, in which Donnie had erupted all over the cot, the injured turtle had shown no interest in eating anything.

Much to Leo's surprise and delight, an innocent grin spread across Donnie's face before he timidly responded, "I guess I am a little hungry."

Those words were music to Mikey's ears.

"That's what I'm talking 'bout, bro! Nothing cure's what ails you more than a belly full of grub. I'm on it!" Mikey exclaimed with an excited gleam in his eyes. He would have belted out a healthy 'booyakasha' if he wasn't so afraid of Raph backhanding him for it. He instead merrily pranced out of the room and headed straight for the kitchen, humming while he went.

Donnie watched on with unmasked amusement as his baby brother left the lab. If the smartest turtle's intuition served him correctly, within the next half hour or so, Mikey would make him three week's worth of food and expect him to eat every last morsel. Just the thought made Donnie softly chuckle.

Upon hearing his wounded brother's laughter, a broad smile crept across Leo's face. The oldest turtle felt confident that they had just made a significant crack in the walls that Donnie had put up.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 ** _*Author's Notes: I hope you were all in the mood for a happy ending. C=_**

 ** _I will try to get chapter 31 ready by next week, but I make no guarantees. It's a long one . . . . . . and it's loaded with angst. Get ready for another tearjerker._**

 ** _As always, please let me know if you're enjoying 'Lost in the Fight' by favoriting, following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on the story. I would really love to know if people are still reading 30 chapters in. I can't stress enough how important your feedback is to me. I really do love hearing from all of you. 8}_**

 ** _Also, a huge thanks to everyone who read my latest 'TMNT Shell Shot' based off of the episode 'Requiem.' I really appreciate all of the amazingly positive feedback I received on it. *hugs*_**

 ** _Thank you all so much for reading. ;) CJ_**


	31. Chapter 31 - Collateral Damage

**_*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise._**

 ** _*Author's Notes: Chapter 31 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and it's a bittersweet one. Warning: there will be B Team fluff._**

 ** _I want to take a moment to let everyone know how grateful I am for all of your favorites, follows, likes, reblogs, reviews, and/or comments on 'LITF' as well as my other stories. I also wanted to thank everyone who nominated my stories for the 2016 TMNT Universal FanFic Competition. That was a most unexpected surprise and very, very much appreciated. It truly means the world to me that I was nominated. 8}_**

 ** _The third of April marks the one-year anniversary of me posting my very first story on FanFiction. For those of you who don't remember, it was 'A Shell of Himself.' ;) I can't believe it's almost been a year already. What a remarkable adventure this has been. Thank you all for always making me feel so welcome and so special. You are all absolutely amazing and I am incredibly lucky to have so many wonderful readers and friends. *hugs X a million*_**

 ** _Thank you from the bottom of my heart._**

 ** _Okay, onto the chapter!_**

* * *

 **Chapter 31 – Collateral Damage**

"Whatcha working on, D?" Mikey asked, bursting into his brainy brother's laboratory in his usual flamboyant fashion. In his hands, he gripped a jumbo-sized bag of oily, off-brand potato chips, which explained the crunching sound that Donnie had immediately heard upon his baby brother's entrance. After shoveling another jam-packed fistful of chips into his mouth, Mikey took the liberty to wipe his hand, first across his plastron, and then, on the large table beside Donnie's desk.

Turning his head towards his worktable, Donnie glared at the greasy fingerprints Mikey had so thoughtfully left behind for him to clean up. The genius turtle really hated it when his younger brother came into the lab with food, but he really, _really_ hated it when Mikey came into the lab with potato chips. Partly, because his messy little brother got crumbs all over the place, but mostly, because the crinkling and crackling sound of the chip bag drove Donnie to the brink of insanity.

On a normal day, the smartest turtle would have chewed his baby brother out, and then, used either his bo-staff, or whatever blunt object was within his reach at the time, to chase Mikey out of the laboratory, but the days were no longer normal. Donnie was hardly in any kind of condition to go chasing someone around. The best he could do right now was run Mikey's foot over with one of the tires of his wheelchair or ram him in the shins really hard with his footrests. A slight smirk passed Donnie's features when he thought about Mikey hopping about on one leg after becoming the victim of a senseless wheelchair hit and run.

But as quickly as the smirk had appeared, it just as soon faded away the second that Donnie peered up and saw his happy-go-lucky brother's round, freckled face and sparkling blue eyes. Mikey's smile was as big as they came.

A ripple of guilt swept over Donnie when he reflected on the mean thoughts that he had just been mulling over. Although the unkind thoughts had only lasted a moment or two, and he had had no actual intention of ever acting upon them, he still felt guilty for even having them.

 _You're supposed to be the nonviolent one, remember?_

"Hey, Mikey. I was just doing some research on how I might be able to upgrade the SONAR dome and the inertial guidance system on the Turtle Sub to enhance our navigation and detection capabilities. Then, maybe we won't have another surprise run-in with a Kraang sea monster. Plus, I've been looking at articles on pressure hull repair. The hull on the sub took quite a bit damage on our last little deep sea escapade. I may have to replace some of the electronic equipment, as well as the eductor piping to make sure we don't have any pressurization problems. I just hope that the ballast tanks didn't take on any damage, or next time we take the sub, we're gonna have some serious buoyancy issues." After finishing his exceptionally longwinded answer, Donnie rubbed a thumb and forefinger into his weary eyes. He had been staring at his computer screen for three consecutive hours now and it was getting hard to see straight.

For once, Donnie actually welcomed the disruption from one of his brothers. As much of a workaholic as the genius turtle was, he had to admit, he could definitely use a break. He peered up at Mikey from behind his computer monitor and grinned. It was then that he saw the puzzled expression on his little brother's face. Mikey was staring at him as though he had sprouted fairy wings and grown a third eye in the center of his forehead.

"Uh, yeah . . . Could you do me a solid and dumben that down a couple notches for me? Maybe make it a little more Englishy and a lot less sciency."

Thinking back to what he had said, Donnie's best guess was that he had lost his younger brother not long after the words, "Hey, Mikey."

"I'm trying to figure out how to fix the Turtle Sub, Mikey," Donnie said languidly, trying his best to keep his exasperation out of his voice.

"Ahhh, gotcha!" The youngest turtle immediately followed his sentence with two thumbs up to indicate he was on the same page.

The problem was, Donnie was pretty sure that he and Mikey weren't on the same book.

In desperate need of a change of scenery, Donatello began the painful process of scooting himself away from his desk and over to the worktable that Mikey was presently leaning against. Having just polished off his package of chips, the turtle in orange was now noisily sucking the salt from his fingertips. Again, Donnie forced himself to hide his exasperation while he just kept on with his scooting.

Even though the genius turtle's arm was now sheathed in a heavy sling, rather than taped securely to his plastron, it still made using his wheelchair in the traditional way an impossibility. And so he had developed a clumsy, but effective, technique for maneuvering himself around. It involved using his good leg to push and pull himself along while alternating between using one of his bo-staffs and the push rings on the tires of his wheelchair to steer.

After only a few days of practice, Donnie was starting to get the hang of piloting his new chair around, so long as he was on a flat surface. Stairs had proven to be his Achilles' heel, and as turtle luck would have it, the lair was laden with them. Stairs to the Dojo, stairs to the laboratory, stairs to the bedrooms, stairs to the turnstiles – Everywhere he tried to go, there were stairs to strip him of his dignity and independence.

The limitations of Donnie's wheelchair forced him to still rely on his family to carry him to most rooms in the lair. Yes, he was thrilled that he was no longer restricted to his cot during the day, but he was still unable to roam freely about in his own home without asking someone for help, which was utterly humiliating. Especially when he had to ask them to lug him to the bathroom.

Donnie had practically begged for a crutch to hobble around on, but his family had gently refused the request, claiming that he wasn't strong enough to support his own weight yet. Instead, _they_ had done most of the supporting of his weight. That was why Donnie now spent most of his time hidden away in his lab. It was the only place where he could get around without having to be carried around like a helpless baby.

He was tired of being a burden to everyone . . .

Not wanting to get caught up in wallowing in his own self-pity again, Donnie focused his attention back on Mikey, who was currently in the process of discarding his empty chip bag into the lab's hazardous waste container.

Donnie was about to complain when he thought better of it.

 _Eh, that's probably where those things actually belong . . ._

It was at this point that Donnie noticed the bandages on Mikey's forearm. His view of the injury had previously been obstructed by his computer screen and his baby brother's bag of chips.

"Mikey, what happened to your arm?" The brainiac turtle's voice came out in that shrill tone that he used whenever he was worried about something or someone.

"What?" Mikey asked casually, staring down at his arm as though he didn't have the foggiest clue what Donnie was referring to, but once the younger turtle saw the bandages, he instantly realized why his big brother was all spun up into a tizzy. "Oh, that. We had a little run in with a few Purple Dragons last night and one of them grazed me with a cleaver. No biggie. Leo stitched it up and it's good as new." Holding out his arm, Mikey showed off their oldest brother's handiwork. He then rotated his wrist and wiggled his fingers to prove to his brainy brother that his arm and hand were in satisfactory working order.

The expression on Donnie's face was the very personification of dejection, but only for a second, before he hid his emotions again.

"Leo . . . h – he stitched your arm up?"

"Mmm-hmm. Leo's got a real knack for the doctoring gig." Little did Mikey know, he had just inadvertently stabbed Donnie straight through the heart with those words.

Donnie's gaze veered towards the sling draped over his shoulder, effectively keeping his arm immobilized. Even if Mikey would've come to him for help with his injury, there wasn't a whole lot that Donnie could've done for him, but it still hurt that his baby brother hadn't sought him out nonetheless.

It was just another blow to Donatello's already bruised self-esteem.

"Yeah, Leo's a quick understudy," Donnie muttered with a half-smile. All the while, he was still staring at his nonfunctional arm with an expression intended to be blank, but try as he may, the genius turtle could never hide things from his younger brother the way that he could from the others. Even though Mikey wasn't all that observant a lot of the time, he could always tell when something was bothering Donnie.

"You okay, D? You've been kind of down in the dumps the past couple of days. Do you wanna talk about it?" As Mikey posed that last question, he climbed up on top of Donnie's worktable and made himself comfortable, lifting his legs up and crossing them front of him.

An urge to yell at Mikey for placing his dirty feet on his lab table flicked through Donnie's mind, but it dissolved as rapidly as it had arisen. Donnie already had to wash the greasy fingerprints off the tabletop anyway. Besides, after all that had happened, Mikey was the last turtle Donnie wanted to take his frustrations out on. His baby brother had been his saving grace the past week or so. Of all of his family members and friends, Mikey was the only one who didn't look at him with pity or as though he was broken down and in need of a complete overhaul. His little brother was the one living being who didn't treat him like he was damaged goods. Mikey treated him the same way that he always had . . . like he was still the same turtle as before.

Even if Donnie wasn't really that same turtle, it still felt nice to have someone treat him as though he was.

Donatello peered up at his baby brother and soon discovered that he had Michelangelo's exclusive attention, which made the wounded turtle nervously shift about in his wheelchair. Mikey was leaning over the edge of the table, staring intently down at his older brother, just waiting for him to say something. As antsy and unfocused as the youngest turtle was a majority of the time, there were times that he exhibited the patience of a saint.

"I'm fine, Mikey."

Narrowing his eyes into distrustful slits, Mikey watched as Donnie redistributed his weight back and forth in his chair and darted his gaze arbitrarily throughout the laboratory. It was obvious to the youngest turtle that Donnie was trying to hide something from him. Mikey knew for a fact that his brainy brother was the complete opposite of fine. Yes, the orange-masked ninja was well-aware that he wasn't the cleverest turtle in the sewers, but he was also aware that he didn't have to be a rocket scientist to tell that his big brother was not all fine and dandy.

"No, you're not, Donnie! Don't give me that 'I'm fine, Mikey' baloney that you always do when you're upset about something and don't wanna talk about it! I know you better than anyone, D, and I can see something's bothering you! Now spill it!" Mikey practically growled out the words, exhibiting far more indignation than Donnie had been prepared for. The genius turtle expected that kind of bitterness to come from Raph, but certainly not from his optimistic and carefree baby brother.

Again, Donnie found himself thanking his lucky stars for Mikey.

The genius turtle was sick and tired of being treated like he was made of the world's thinnest sheet of glass. All of the mechanical smiles and disparaging pats on the head and limbs that Donnie was now the constant recipient of were driving him crazy. He felt like a mindless house pet.

With a tad more light in his eyes, Donatello looked up at his younger brother. Finally, the injured turtle was about tell someone what he was feeling inside, but just as he was about to speak, Raph strolled into the lab, complacency pouring off him as he approached his two little brothers.

"Hey, Donnie! How you feeling this morning?" The hotheaded turtle asked, not actually giving his brother an opportunity to answer the question before he continued speaking in his most arrogant tone. "So was Mikey here telling you about the serious shell kicking I handed him at practice this morning? It was so inspiring, we should've charged admission."

Donnie scrunched up his face for a moment before responding.

"Wow, you beat up Mikey when he was injured. Way to go, Raph. I'm sure it was real impressive." The snide remarks instantly extinguished the glow of the red-masked turtle's ego.

At a rare loss for a snappy comeback, Raph just grunted in retaliation.

"Oh snap, D! He's totally speechless, dude! How sweet is that?" Beside himself with uncontrollable glee, Mikey laughed so hard, he practically fell off the table he was sitting on.

"Keep laughing, chuckles, and I'll kick your injured butt, again!" Raph threatened, shaking a forefinger in Mikey's direction.

That stubby green finger caused Mikey to cower in fear, and just like that, all of his glee and laughter evaporated into thin air.

"And here I thought it was just Mikey's arm that was injured. I guess I didn't realize that his butt was injured, too," Donnie wisecracked with a sly grin, in an attempt to lighten the mood and protect his younger brother from another possible pummeling.

"Apparently, someone else is itching for a butt kicking, as well!"

The trusting part of Donnie assumed that even temperamental Raph wouldn't resort to clobbering him when he was in a wheelchair, but the cautious side of him kept telling him that his immediate older brother was highly unstable. They had just established that Raphael had no misgivings about pounding on Mikey when he was injured. Who was to say that he wouldn't have any qualms about doing the same thing to Donnie?

The genius turtle thought it best not to push any more of Raph's buttons for the time being, just to be on the safe side.

There then came an uncomfortable lull in the conversation. Raph's latest threat left Donnie and Mikey unsure of what to say, for fear of setting their volatile big brother off. The three turtles' eyes wandered around the room aimlessly until Mikey finally put an end to the silence.

"So did you eat anything yet, Donnie?" The youngest turtle looked down at his debilitated older brother's scrawny form. A lightweight throw blanket was sloppily draped over Donatello's lap, leaving his legs mostly exposed so Mikey could see just how horribly withered they were. Size-wise, Donnie looked like half the turtle he used to be. Mikey was convinced that his big brother's shell was going to fall right off him, even though Donnie kept telling him that that wasn't physically possible.

It was killing Mikey to see Donnie this way. His brainy brother was literally wasting away before their very eyes.

"Uh-huh. Leo brought me one of those nutritional shakes before you guys started practice this morning," Donnie said in a suspiciously casual way as he all of a sudden started scooting his wheelchair back towards his desk.

"Oh yeah? Which nutritional shake would that be?" Crossing his arms in front of him, Raphael raised an eye ridge, clearly skeptical about something.

"You know . . . just one of those supplemental drinks that April dropped off yesterday. Doctor-recommended and loaded with twenty-plus essential vitamins and minerals for a stronger, healthier you." The words were purposely spoken in a manner that made it sound like Donnie was providing a voiceover for a television commercial. He then followed with an awkward chuckle. In the meantime, he was still subtly trying to make his way over to his desk.

Raph's eyes narrowed into nothing more than slivers.

"You mean this one?" Sidestepping around his brother's wheelchair, Raphael grabbed the milkshake sitting on top of Donnie's desk before his injured brother could reach it. The second oldest turtle then held the beverage up to reveal the plastic peel-off seal was still intact.

Watching his older brother jiggle the clearly unopened container before him, Donnie retreated against the backrest of his wheelchair and dropped his head in shame.

"Donnie!" Mikey gasped in theatrical fashion, acting as if Donnie had done something so hideous and atrocious, he would never in a million years be able to forgive him.

Donnie hardly thought him not drinking a milkshake justified such a melodramatic response. It was a classic case of Mikey overreacting.

Raph's reaction, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of over-the-top. It was unnervingly calm.

This sent a shiver up and down the wounded turtle's spine. It was like the eerie quiet before a storm.

"Donnie, you have to eat." The mild tone of Raph's voice threw both Donnie and Mikey for a loop. They had anticipated anger, not kindness and concern. It was certainly not the reaction Donnie was used to receiving from his confrontational big brother. Here, the brainiac turtle had thought that he was about to get his shell handed to him on a serving platter.

 _Thinnest of glass, remember?_

After swallowing thickly, Donnie whispered out the words, "I know." He then lowered his head and started to tap his fingertips against the padding on one of the armrests of his wheelchair, clearly avoiding eye contact with his red-clad brother.

"Donnie, you're nothing but skin and bones. I don't wanna lecture you like Leo, but you're not gonna get better if you don't take care of yourself. And if you don't eat, Fearless is gonna banish you to that dumb cot again and put you back on fluids twenty-four seven."

After Raph's last line, Donnie found himself staring down at the capped off cannula taped to his arm. He was still being given liquid antibiotics and nutrients via an intravenous drip at night, but during the day, they would remove his tubes on the condition that he regularly took his medications and ate three meals a day, but he was still struggling to keep anything down. Hence, the intravenous drip at night and the food aversion.

Still, what Raph had said was true. If Leonardo found out Donnie wasn't properly eating or drinking, there would no doubt be dire consequences.

"I tried . . . I really did . . . but I . . . I couldn't break the seal . . . with only one hand," Donnie stammered out, somehow slouching even further down into his wheelchair than he already was. In his mind, what he had just confessed was the equivalent of telling his brothers he was completely helpless. The humiliation in his voice and his posture were unmistakable and he suddenly looked as though he was about to cry.

It was gut-wrenching to say the least.

Gulping down a whimper, the youngest turtle vaulted off the table he was perched on so he could rush over to his brainy brother's side.

"It's okay to ask us for help, Donnie. You know that, right?"

While Mikey attempted to comfort Donatello, Raph glared down at the plastic container still in his hand and nearly crushed it in his muscular grip. He was half-tempted to throw the stupid container on the floor and stomp on it for upsetting his genius little brother, but then, he realized that smashing an innocent bottle wasn't going to solve anything.

Instead of resorting to violence, like he so wanted to, Raph simply removed the plastic from around the mouth of the beverage container and untwisted the cap. Once he detached the inner seal and could see the liquid inside, Raph held the bottle out in front of Donnie.

All the while Raph had gone about removing the safety precautions from the container, he had been mentally condemning Leo for not doing the same. It would have spared Donnie the embarrassment and heartbreak of not being able to complete the simplest of tasks on his own. They were supposed to be building their genius brother's confidence back up, not knocking it further down.

"We only wanna help you, Donnie. Whenever you need something, all you've gotta do is ask."

Though Donatello desperately wanted to appreciate the sentiment, the uncharacteristic sweetness in Raphael's normally harsh voice was just another superb example of his family treating him like he was defective and easily broken.

Shakily taking the container from Raph's outstretched hand, Donnie closed his eyes for a moment, not just to hide the tears gathering, but also, to hide his disgust with himself. He couldn't help but to perceive the irony of needing help to open a bottle. The words 'helpless' and 'baby' came to mind.

 _The verdict is in. You are officially the biggest loser_ . . .

The voices in his head started screaming at him again with all the warmth of a bucket of ice water. They made sure to remind him how pathetic he was, but he somehow managed to reduce them to little more than a whisper so he could focus his concentration on his brothers.

Forging an appreciative smile, Donnie took a swig of the beverage his brother had so kindly opened for him. Downing a mouthful of liquid worked to his advantage, because he didn't dare speak at the moment, or else his brothers might hear how upset he was. He needed a second or two to regain his composure.

Raph patted Donnie on the top of the head, evidently pleased with his immediate younger brother's actions.

It took every fiber of Donnie's being not to roll his eyes.

 _Why do they keep patting me on the head? Don't they remember I suffered from multiple brain injuries?_

The mood in the infirmary was getting far too depressing for Mikey to stomach, so he decided a change of subject was necessary.

"So . . . what does everyone have on their to-do list today? Donnie, I bet you've got something big planned."

Raph immediately shot a scowl at his baby brother for his blatant thoughtlessness. Mikey knew darn well that there wasn't a whole lot that Donnie could do with two out of his four major limbs out of commission. He also knew that Donnie was extremely frustrated about his limited capabilities. Mikey certainly didn't need to go drawing attention to that fact.

Then, much to Raph's surprise, Donnie eagerly responded.

"Actually, I was kind of hoping to take this sling off today, so I could tinker around on the Stealth Bike. Maybe get it back up and running for you again, Raph," Donnie said, motioning his head towards the closed garage door.

When Raphael looked down at Donnie, he saw that distinct twinkle in his brainiac brother's eyes. The one that Donnie got whenever he was genuinely excited about something. They hadn't seen that twinkle in such a long time. That was why Raph truly hated himself for what he was about to say.

"Sorry, Donnie, but you know we can't let you do that. If Leo and Master Splinter found out we let you take that sling off, they'd crack our shells."

The words of disapproval had no sooner left Raph's lips when he saw the light instantly fade from his genius brother's eyes. Donnie's hand then flaccidly dropped down onto his blanketed lap, nearly dumping the contents of his milkshake in the process.

"Aw, come on, Donnie. Don't be like that. You know I'd let you if I could, but your shoulder . . . it still needs time to heal," Raph said, cupping his hand underneath Donnie's jaw and gently lifting his head up. He could feel Donnie ever-so subtly trying to pull away from his grasp, but he lightly tightened his hold to keep his little brother's face pointed towards him.

"I . . . I just wanted to fix your bike for you," Donnie muttered in a broken voice, unable to camouflage his misery. Raph hadn't just rained on the genius turtle's parade, he had torrentially down poured and golf-ball-sized hailed on it. All Donnie had wanted to do was serve some sort of purpose again, and they wouldn't even allow him to do that.

A crooked grin crept across Raph's face as he released his hold on Donnie's chin so he could once again cross his arms in front of his plastron.

"Well, you don't need to fix the bike for me, 'cause Casey and I already took care of it for you."

"Wh – What?"

"You heard right. Casey and I fixed the bike right up. It runs better than before." Raph spoke as though what he had just said was good news, but to Donnie, the news was anything but good. The words had cut him straight to the core, but neither of his brothers noticed his grief. They just continued to pour acid into the already festering wound that was Donnie's psyche.

"Actually, Raph and Casey have been super busy working on your stuff, bro. While you were all spaced-out from the fever and pain meds, you listed off a bunch of things you said you needed to get done."

"I did?" A nauseous feeling rolled deep in Donnie's gut as he thought about what other things he may have unknowingly revealed during his two weeks of unconsciousness. What if he had said something that he shouldn't have?

 _What if I said something stupid when April was there?_

Donnie could feel all the symptoms of a panic attack coming on, but his brothers inadvertently interrupted it.

"Yeah, we thought you were coming to, but turns out, you were just talking in your sleep. There were a couple of times you babbled on and on about needing to change the oil and the serpentine belt on the Shellraiser. Then, you kept saying you needed to replace the carburetors and fuel pump diaphragm on the Stealth Bike, so Casey and I decided to take care of it for you. Casey's a real whiz when it comes to fixing mechanical stuff."

Donnie's frown deepened into a look of sheer dejection. The genius turtle couldn't remember a time when Raph had bragged like that about something that _he_ had done. Now that Donnie was really thinking about it, he didn't recall Raph _ever_ showing any real appreciation for his mechanical expertise, other than when he had first introduced the Shellraiser way back when. Most of the time, Raph didn't even bother acknowledging anything Donnie did, unless he really needed something from him. And even then, the hothead wasn't all that complimentary about it. At least, not nearly as complimentary as what he had just said about Casey Jones.

 _"Casey's a real whiz when it comes to fixing mechanical stuff."_

 _And what am I? Chopped liver?_ Donnie pouted to himself, feeling a heavy twinge of jealousy. He then turned his head towards the garage door and glared at it, feeling as though it had somehow wronged him by allowing someone else to enter his exclusive domain and work on his treasured creations while he was in a coma.

Letting out a long, wheezy-sounding sigh, Donnie shifted his gaze down towards his lap.

Sensing that Donnie was getting sad again, Mikey jumped in and tried to cheer his big brother up.

"I did a few things around the lair for you, too, D! I greased the squeaky track on your lab doors. I went around the sewers and checked all of the security cameras and motion sensor thingies, just like you showed me how to do that one time! And I fixed the toaster . . . again! Oh, and I cleaned your room!"

An involuntary shudder ran through Donnie's entire body. Just thinking about how badly Mikey could have screwed up one or all of the items that he had just listed off thoroughly frightened the genius turtle. A barrage of questions raced through Donnie's now-overwrought mind, like what exactly did Mikey use to grease the tracks on the doors, just how many security cameras and motion sensors did Mikey throw out of whack or possibly break while "checking" them, will Mikey's attempt to repair the toaster potentially burn down the whole lair, and why did Mikey feel a need to clean his bedroom when the youngest turtle's own room could easily be declared a disaster area?

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Donnie assured himself that he was better off not knowing the answers to his many questions. The truth would probably just make him flip out.

"Everyone's been pitching in as best they can. Right, Mikey?" Raph asked, playfully poking Mikey in the shell a few times with an elbow.

"Yup! We've all been trying real hard to help out around here and keep the place in ship-shape, D. We didn't want you stressing out about those things when you got better."

"Thanks, guys." Donnie's eyes started to tear up again, but this time, they were tears of joy. His mouth curled into a modest smile to demonstrate how humbled he was by his brothers' gestures.

Then, in an instant, the tides turned.

"No problem. In fact, we're all getting so good at doing your stuff, you're probably gonna be out of a day job. All this time we were waiting around for you to fix things, we could've just been doing it ourselves. It's not like it's that hard," Raph wisecracked, not realizing what he had just done to Donnie's fragile self-confidence.

Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, Donnie tried to convince himself that his older brother was just kidding around, but no matter how many times he told himself that Raph was only joking, the words hurt just the same. Raph had said that Casey was a mechanical whiz, and now, he had said that Donnie was going to be out of a job. The genius turtle couldn't help but to wonder if that was how all of his brothers saw him.

 _Replaceable_.

If Donnie's family and friends could perform his tasks just as well or better than he could, what would that make him?

 _Useless. That's what._

"Totally, bro." Mikey's comment had actually been meant for Raph, but to Donnie, it had sounded as though his baby brother had just agreed with what the cruel voices in his head were saying to him.

 _Thanks a lot, Mikey._

"This fixing stuff . . . it's not nearly as hard as I thought it was. Anybody can do it." With that said, Mikey reached out and good-naturedly nudged his immediate older brother's uninjured shoulder.

Donnie faked a smile that lasted all of two seconds before his face changed into a blank expression meant to mask his heartbreak, but the revelation that he was disposable and no longer served a purpose was making it hard to keep up appearances. He quickly shifted his stare down to the floor so his brothers wouldn't see the pain residing in his eyes.

 _What good are you to them anymore?_

 _They're better off without you . . ._

The sound of Mikey's now concerned voice temporarily snapped Donnie out of his gloomy thoughts.

"You okay, Donnie?"

 _Oh yeah. I'm just peachy keen . . . Where was that concern when you two were essentially telling me I was worthless?_ Was what Donnie thought, but what he chose to say was, "Yeah . . . I'm all right. Just a little tired." As Donnie murmured out the words, his voice was almost mechanical, void of any emotion.

Raph and Mikey exchanged wary glances, sensing something was suddenly off with Donnie. Leo had told them about the conversation that he and Master Splinter had had in the Dojo, where Sensei had said that Donatello was trying to shut them all out. Their oldest brother had asked them to pay close attention for any warning signs that Donnie was upset. The problem was, the genius turtle had years of practice at hiding things from them. When it came to internal strife, Donatello had a really good poker face and it was virtually impossible to read what cards he was holding.

"How about we carry you out to the pit so you can watch some TV with us? I could turn on one of those documentary-type shows you like." It was an obvious act of unselfishness on Mikey's part. He was demonstrating that he was willing to suffer through educational programming just for Donnie's sake, but the kind gesture came a little too late.

As unintentional as it was, the emotional damage had already been done to Donnie and no simple act of kindness was going to fix it.

Alienating himself further from his family was Donnie's solution to the pain.

"Thanks, Mikey, but I think I'll pass. You two go ahead. I have a few projects I wanna work on here in the lab," Donnie said, putting a dollop of phony enthusiasm in his voice to appease his brothers. He could see that their faces were both burdened with worry.

"Are you sure, D? Couldn't your projects wait?" The innocent way that Mikey had spoken when he had asked his questions almost made Donnie reconsider his response, but he really felt like being alone.

"Yeah . . . I'm sure," Donnie said near a whisper.

Raph's mouth turned down into a deep frown. He could tell that Donnie's mood had taken a turn for the worse and his genius brother suddenly seemed more distant than normal. "Why don't you come hang out with us for a while, Donnie? I'm sure your projects can wait until later."

"I think the projects have waited long enough," Donnie said with a palpable tinge of guilt in his voice, but his face remained unexpressive.

Raph didn't like Donnie's decision, but he couldn't force his little brother to leave the lab. Well, technically, he could, but he was pretty sure the rest of his family would disapprove of that course of action. Primarily, Donatello.

"Okay, but the offer still stands. Just give us a yell if you need a break." There was a part of Raph hopeful that Donnie would reconsider, but the hotheaded turtle should have known better. His genius brother was too stubborn to change his mind when it was set.

Donnie only nodded in response.

"I'll come by later to check on your progress on that shake, and it better be gone," Raph warned, pointing at the just about full beverage in his brother's hand.

Again, the wounded turtle nodded.

"Donnie?"

"Yeah, Mikey?"

"Y – You'll let us know if you need anything or change your mind, right?"

"Don't worry, Mikey. I'll let you know." Donnie feigned another smile before turning towards his computer.

Mikey sighed and reluctantly trudged out of the lab, followed by Raph, who glanced back over his shoulder several times before exiting, clearly hesitant about leaving.

Once his brothers were outside of the laboratory, Donnie set his bottle down on his desk so he could immerse his face in his trembling hand. If Raph and Mikey would've stuck around any longer, Donatello wasn't sure if he would've been able to keep it together. The voices in his head were getting more and more relentless and his brothers had only added fuel to the fire.

 _"We're all getting so good at doing your stuff, you're probably gonna be out of a day job."_

 _"All this time we were waiting around for you to fix things, we could've just been doing it ourselves."_

 _"This fixing stuff . . . it's not nearly as hard as I thought it was. Anybody can do it."_

All of the progress his family had made breaking down his walls. Donnie was building them right back up again, making them more impenetrable than before.

Pretty soon, no one would be able to get through . . .

* * *

 ** _To be continued . . ._**

 ** _*Author's Notes: Poor Donnie. He's sinking further and further into despair. :(_**

 ** _I'm going to warn you now, the next chapter is an extremely emotional one. Plus, it's rather intense. I will do my best to have it ready by next week._**

 ** _As always, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying it. I would love to hear from you. Thank you all for your continued support this past year and thank you again to those who nominated my stories for the TMNT FanFic competition. I'm overwhelmed by your kindness and so blessed to have so many amazing friends and readers. *more hugs* ;) CJ_**


	32. Chapter 32 - His Worst Enemy

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 32 of 'Lost in the Fight' and this one's a bit dramatic.**_

 _ **Thanks so much for all of the favorites, follows, likes, reblogs, reviews, and/or comments on 'LITF,' as well as on my other stories. I am extremely grateful for every one of them.**_

 _ **Hope you like the chapter . . .**_

* * *

 **Chapter 32 – His Worst Enemy**

The pillow his face was smushed into felt exceptionally hard and cold this morning. So hard, it felt like it was made of concrete. Keeping his eyes sealed shut, Donnie feebly lifted a hand towards his face and patted around the surface surrounding his head.

 _That's because it is concrete, genius._

Donatello groaned when he realized that he must have fallen asleep while working in his lab again. He didn't remember doing so, but it wasn't like he remembered doing it any other time before. This was one of the many downfalls of sleep deprivation. Sometimes his body would simply shutdown without his say-so and essentially go into 'standby mode' for an unknown duration. His working theory was that once he reached a certain level of exhaustion, the pent-up melatonin in his system would cause his body to temporarily cease functioning. He would, in turn, collapse onto the nearest flat surface, such as his desk, his table, or in this case, it seemed to be the floor.

He supposed he should have been thankful for his unexpected blackout. After all, it was the first time in six days he hadn't awoken with a start.

The constant nightmares he had been suffering from were taking an enormous toll on him. Ever since he had come out of his comatose state, his nightmares had gotten progressively worse and his amount of sleep had steadily become less and less. The past three days, he hadn't gotten more than an hour of sleep, tops. It seemed as though he would no sooner close his eyes and he'd be trapped in yet another ghastly dream.

Weakly lifting his head up off the floor, Donnie pried his eyes open and looked around the room, hoping to spy something that might spark his memory of what he had been working on before his body's complete power failure. Nothing triggered any kind of recollection. In fact, nothing looked familiar at all. Blinking his eyes furiously, Donnie tried to make sense of what he was seeing – or rather what he wasn't seeing.

It wasn't his lab.

It wasn't even the lair.

It was, however, somewhere he vaguely recognized. He had never actually been in this exact location before, but he had a pretty good idea where he was and it terrified him.

Using his good arm to push himself partway up off the floor, Donnie scanned his surroundings and his chest quickly tightened with overpowering dread.

 _No!_ His mind screamed out _._

With his unbroken leg, he clumsily shoved himself backwards until his carapace scraped against a concrete wall. His heart began to gallop as the horrible realization started to sink in.

Heavy wrought iron bars and concrete encased him in what appeared to be a cell approximately five feet by five feet. Moonlight filtered down through an opening above him and soft light radiated in from the numerous torch wall sconces that lined a long, gothic-looking hall that stretched past his line of vision.

 _How? How is this possible? This can't be happening!_

In a panic, Donnie examined himself for any new wounds or markings that might have explained how he had wound up in this place, but found none. The last lucid thing he remembered was that he had been plugging away at his computer in the laboratory. So how did he get _here_? He hadn't left the lair for weeks. Heck, he couldn't even leave his lab without assistance. None of this made any sense. He racked his brain for some kind of logical explanation, but nothing came to mind.

 _Unless_ . . .

The sound of footsteps approaching interrupted his troubled thoughts. Donnie instantly recognized the distinctive footfalls. It was a sound that haunted his nightmares.

"I see the prisoner has finally decided to wake." The portentous growl came from the enemy Donatello had come to fear the most, which was saying a lot, because he and his brothers had a great deal of enemies.

Donnie could feel his head shaking from side to side in disbelief, but he had no control over the motion. His body was temporarily disregarding his commands out of sheer shock.

"Shredder," was all that Donatello was able to gasp out, powerless to prevent the divulging quake of horror in his voice.

The towering man just stood there, fiercely glaring down at the frightened turtle for what felt like an eternity. It was clearly an intimidation tactic and it was working like a charm. Donnie's pulse was racing towards the speed of light and he felt as though his lungs couldn't take in enough air. It was like they were trying to shrink away in fear, just like the rest of his body was.

After a prolonged silence, Shredder opened the door of the cage and stepped inside. He then secured the door shut behind him, nearly getting his long, black cape caught in the closing door. Donnie would have found it humorous if not for the fact that he was scared out of his wits.

"How . . . how did I get here? Where are my brothers? What have you d – done to them?" The words had not sounded nearly as audacious as Donnie would have liked. With two of his limbs out of order, it was hard for the genius turtle to feel real confident about his chances of getting out of this predicament in one piece.

"I have done nothing to your brothers." The Shredder's response was brusque and he showed no emotion as he stood there, watching his prisoner intently.

Having the undivided attention of the Shredder was more than just a little unnerving. It was taking all of Donnie's willpower not to tuck himself inside his shell and hide in fear. Of course, the genius turtle knew he had no prayer at pulling off a stunt like that with a bulky splint strapped to his leg and a sling securely wrapped around him. At least his inability to shrink inside his shell spared him the ridicule that would have surely followed such a blatant act of cowardice.

A less spineless approach was needed.

Relying on the tiny amount of intestinal fortitude he still had remaining, Donatello somehow mustered up the courage to speak again. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

"I don't believe you! How did you find me? Where are you keeping my brothers?"

 _Accusing the Shredder of lying? To his face no less? Probably not the wisest decision you've ever made, Donatello . . ._

"If you know what is good for you, you will mind your tone. Your precious brothers have not been taken prisoner and you have my word that no harm has come to them. They are safe. It is not your brothers that you should be worrying about."

The last line that maliciously oozed out of Shredder made Donnie cringe and stole what little was left of his tenacity. The way Saki had uttered the words was nothing shy of disturbing.

The Shredder then loomed over the cowering turtle and the moonlight trickling in from overhead reflected off the multiple blades projecting out of the man's metal armor. It was a cruel reminder to Donatello of just how many razor-sharp blades were covering his enemy's body. Up until now, the brainy turtle had never truly had the opportunity to stop and appreciate the hazardous attire. That was because he was usually too preoccupied with getting his shell kicked.

 _I wonder how much time he spends a day sharpening and polishing those things_ , Donnie thought dryly, momentarily mesmerized by the overabundance of prongs distending from Shredder's shoulders. The brainy turtle guessed that his easily-amused baby brother would've been particularly impressed by the glimmering light show currently taking place above Donnie. Especially given Mikey's fetish for shiny objects.

After a while, the novelty of Shredder's apparel wore off and reality started to rear its ugly head once again.

 _Hello? Earth to Donatello! You're trapped in a cage with the Shredder! Stop staring at his outfit, you ignoramus! You've got far bigger problems to deal with here!_

Claustrophobia was not a condition Donnie normally suffered from, but being enclosed in a confined space with their arch nemesis was apparently overwhelming enough to trigger a sudden onset of the anxiety disorder. He broke out into a cold sweat and felt as though he was on the verge of hyperventilating.

As the Shredder took a large step forward, Donnie attempted to back away from the man's advances, only to be reminded by the concrete wall behind him that there was nowhere to go. He was cornered in a small cell with the vengeful monster who was obsessed with seeing his family dead.

 _Oh, now there's a lovely sentiment . . ._

Donnie vainly attempted to swallow down the asphyxiating lump stuck in his throat. Unable to take in air, he could just wordlessly stare up at Shredder as the man extended two long, steel blades out from the gauntlet on his right hand. Then, without warning, Shredder thrust his arm forward, and before Donatello could even try to defend himself, his head was awkwardly pinned against the wall. Shredder's balled up fist was nearly touching the turtle's throat and there was a gauntlet blade impaled into the wall on each side of Donatello's neck, effectively ensuring that he had no means of escape.

Thankfully, the Shredder's aim was accurate or Donnie would have been turtle shish kebab.

Crouching down over the ensnared turtle, Saki lowered his head so that it was merely inches away from his prisoner's face. This gave Donatello a close-up view of the severe scars that marred the man's features. The proximity was obviously too close for comfort, but something told Donatello that Shredder's intent was to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

 _Mission accomplished . . ._

"I have been informed by my sources that you are the most intelligent of your brothers and that you are the one responsible for constructing all of your wretched clan's machinery and equipment, using nothing but leftover parts and junk," Shredder snarled in a low, sinister tone. He narrowed his eyes into ominous slivers as he continued to speak. "I have also been told that you know your way around Kraang technology and that you have been working on developing a retromutagen to reverse the effects of the Kraang's ooze. These are skills that would prove quite useful to me."

Donatello sullenly turned his face away from Shredder's scrutinizing stare. The genius turtle wasn't even sure if Saki's discolored right eye was fully functional anymore. Not that that really mattered right about now. Functional or not, it was still unnerving to have it boring into him.

All of a sudden, Donnie felt one of the blades on Shredder's other gauntlet dig into the flesh underneath his jawline. The man forced the turtle to lift his head up so that they were eye to eye again. With three blades now pressed up against him, Donatello was now incapable of turning away. He was forced to look into the enemy's eyes and those eyes caused his entire body to go rigid with fright.

"You will look at me when I address you, turtle." As Shredder made his threat, he pushed his blade further into the soft skin underneath Donatello's jaw.

A hiss of pain escaped through Donnie's clenched teeth when he felt the tip of the blade slice into his flesh, but he managed to stifle any further noise from coming out. He was determined to keep some of his dignity intact, although his now uncontrollable quivering and cringing against the wall probably weren't doing his dignity any favors.

"I am your master now and I will not tolerate disrespect. Do I make myself clear?"

Something about what the Shredder had just said instantly rubbed Donatello the wrong way.

"You are not my master! I will _never_ serve you! I would rather die than work for you!" Donnie roared, finally getting his voice and gumption back. The blade wedged underneath his jaw cut even deeper into his skin as he yelled, but he didn't care. In fact, he didn't even feel it, for he was too distracted by his rage.

"I can grant such a request, but if you think that I will give you the satisfaction of a quick and painless death, you are gravely mistaken," came Shredder's ill-omened response. Every word was pure venom.

Donnie cast a defiant glare at Saki, as if he was issuing some kind of dare, nonverbally telling his enemy to prove it.

If his brothers would've been there, they wouldn't have believed Donatello's aggressive behavior. The genius turtle was having a pretty tough time believing it himself, but he just went with it, figuring he was going to be inhumanely tortured anyway.

"No matter what you do to me, I assure you, I will not break!" Donnie growled in a voice lower than he was used to hearing out of himself. The way he was acting and the things he was saying were making him wonder if he had somehow channeled the spirit of Raph. Then, he paid the price for it.

A challenge had been issued and the Shredder readily accepted. He removed the blade pressed against the front of the turtle's neck and drew his hand back. A moment later, the sickening sound of Donatello being smacked across the face hung in the stale air of the dungeon.

The slap knocked some sense back into Donnie and he soon regretted his decision to tick off the man who already wanted to skin him alive.

 _It's not wise to mess with the human can opener._

"You have no idea just what kind of unspeakable things I am capable of, child. And insolence will only make your retraining process that much more painful. I have plans for that brain of yours, and believe me, I have many excruciating ways of making you cooperate."

Donnie gulped when the Shredder slowly dragged the tip of one of his gauntlet blades down the side of his face. Saki didn't apply enough pressure to carve into the skin below, but it didn't feel good all the same. It was yet another successful intimidation tactic. Donatello knew without question that if Shredder wanted to, he could easily slice him open like an overripe piece of fruit. The man was just toying with him.

"Perhaps your first lesson should be taught by Tiger Claw and Grizzgore. The two of them have been seeking vengeance ever since they discovered you were still alive."

Filled with an overpowering sense of dread, Donatello vigorously shook his head 'no,' but immediately regretted it. With each movement of his head, he felt the blades against the sides of his neck score into his skin. He quickly ceased all motion other than pulling his face into a grimace.

Donnie could have sworn that the Shredder was smiling underneath his metal mask. Unfortunately, seeing the merciless man take gratification in his fear and suffering gave Donatello an unforeseen second wind.

"You're nothing but a coward! Always making your underlings do your work for you!" In hindsight, the smartest turtle probably should have thought his response through a little better.

 _Sewer apples! This is gonna hurt . . ._

As to be expected, Donnie was struck across the face again for his impudence. This time, far harder than before, which made him instantly see stars, and then, psychedelic zigzags of color danced about his vision. Blinking feverishly, the genius turtle attempted to restore his now blurred eyesight, while at the same time, he glided his tongue against the inside of his teeth a couple of times to make sure they were all present and accounted for.

 _Note to self: Don't ever call Shredder a coward again._

"The same could be said of your Sensei."

Had Donatello actually heard the Shredder's callous statement, he most likely would have refuted it, but the blow to his head had temporarily rendered him deaf and incapable of thinking straight.

After a few more delayed seconds, Donnie was finally able to get his bearings back.

He soon found himself wishing he hadn't.

"Evidently, you are stubborn, just like your master. I will take pleasure in breaking you of that."

One would think that after getting hit twice for his brazenness, the most intelligent of the turtles would have learned to keep his mouth shut, but such was not the case.

"Well, you won't have a chance to break me of that! My brothers will come for me before you can get anything out of me!"

Despite the fact that Donatello's words had sounded totally cheesy and lacked pretty much all originality, it still felt good to say them.

"Your brothers." Shredder cackled just like all villains tended to do in these types of situations, much to Donatello's irritation. It was as if cackling was some sort of criminal code of conduct or part of the rulebook for bad guys. The genius turtle had oftentimes wondered if there was perhaps a convention out there someplace where villains gathered to swap pointers on evil laughs or share their other random best delinquent practices.

The vile cackle suddenly grew louder and more macabre, making it impossible for Donnie to ignore. The repulsive sound filled the whole chamber and sent a chill up and down the turtle's entire body.

"Foolish boy. Who do you think brought you here in the first place?"

"Wh – What?" The turtle's eyes widened in dawning horror.

As he slowly began to process what Saki had just said, Donatello could feel his heart start to thump irregularly inside of his chest and his breathing was thrown into a complete state of disarray.

 _No . . ._

Shredder scoffed at the turtle's reaction.

"You heard what I said. Tell me, Donatello. How do you think you got here completely unscathed? Aren't you wondering why you have no memory of the event? It is because your brothers drugged you and brought you here. They delivered you right to my doorstep."

"No," Donnie gasped, not willing to believe what he was hearing. Not for a second. It couldn't be true. The Shredder was just trying to play cruel mind games with him to crush his spirit and inflict as much emotional pain as possible. Saki realized how close Donatello and his brothers were and the man was attempting to use it against him. The Shredder knew that if he could convince Donatello that his brothers had abandoned him, it would destroy him, but the genius turtle wasn't about to fall for such a transparent deception.

But if Donnie truly believed that the man was deceiving him, why did he have such a rancid feeling burning in the pit of his gut? Was it because he was afraid of the Shredder or was it because, deep down inside, he was afraid that what Saki was saying was true?

Beneath his kabuto, the Shredder's lips curled back into a sneer as he watched his captive's resilience crumble. He could almost hear the turtle's heart break.

"It seems your brothers felt you were too much of a burden and they didn't want you any longer. They asked me to take you off their hands," Shredder said without conscience, reveling in the turtle's anguish. He could see the torment in the boy's eyes.

"You're a liar! My brothers would never do that to me!" Once again, Donatello boldly accused the Shredder of lying. It was as if the most passive turtle had developed a sudden death wish.

Donatello braced himself for another strike, sure that his brash allegation would earn him another harsh blow to the face courtesy of his short-tempered adversary.

But the strike did not come. Well, at least not a physical one like Donnie had been expecting.

"If you are not willing to take my word for it, perhaps you will take your brother's." The Shredder elevated his voice as he spoke so that it was loud enough to carry down the hall. He then lifted his free hand and gave a gesture to indicate he wanted someone or something to come forth.

Soon after, a shadowy figure appeared and started to walk towards them.

Even with Donnie's still slightly distorted vision, he had no trouble recognizing the approaching form.

"Leo! Help me!"

Ignoring the blades burrowing into his flesh, Donnie craned his neck to get a better view of his oldest brother. Upon first glance, the genius turtle noticed that his blue-masked sibling's movements were unhurried and deliberate. There was no urgency in Leonardo's steps. There was no panic in his expression. There was no sign of fear or concern to be seen. Not even as he moved towards their most despised enemy, who had two gauntlet blades pressed against his terrified little brother's neck.

Every inch of Donatello's body started to tremble as he watched his big brother draw nearer. When Leonardo came to a halt just outside of the cell door, he dropped his hands limply at his sides. That was when Donnie saw the remorseful expression on his oldest brother's face.

That look. It was all the confirmation Donatello needed.

At long last, Shredder pulled his gauntlet blades out of the wall.

Once freed, Donatello awkwardly fell forward onto his good arm. Gritting his teeth in pain, the wounded turtle feebly pushed himself up into a sitting position and stared at his brother, not paying any attention to the fact that Shredder was still standing right beside him. All Donnie could focus on right now was Leo.

"You . . . you did this?"

Leonardo didn't answer the question. He didn't have to.

"Why?"

"Donatello, please don't make this any harder than it needs to be." Unable to hide his remorse, Leonardo turned his head away from his genius brother while he spoke.

"Why!" Donnie repeated, using considerably more volume and intensity than before. His glossy eyes glowed with a mixture of hurt and indignation.

"I'm sorry, Donnie, but we just can't give you what you need anymore, emotionally or physically. We don't have access to the medications or treatments you require. Without them, you'll never fully recover. Shredder . . . he promised me that he would provide you with the medical care you need."

"What?" Donatello snorted incredulously, certain that he had heard his brother wrong.

"Donnie . . . you once said it yourself. It's better this way. You're . . . you're a liability to us now. We don't have the time or the resources to take care of you all the time. Shredder can provide you with everything you need." Not wanting to see the hurt in his little brother's eyes, Leonardo kept his gaze fixed on the floor.

"So what? You just called Shredder up and cut some kind of a deal with a man who wants us dead? The best solution you could come up with was to just hand your own brother over to your most hated enemy? All because I'm not healing up to your expectations?" As intelligent as Donatello was, he could not follow his older brother's logic at all. This was insane. Leonardo had clearly lost his mind.

"Like I said, we can't take care of you anymore _and_ protect the city. We had to make a choice. If it makes you feel any better, this decision wasn't unanimous by any means. We argued back and forth about it for days, but in the end, as the team leader, I had to do what was best for the family. Trust me, Donnie, this was the hardest decision I've ever had to make."

"Decision? This isn't just some decision, Leo! This is my life!" Donnie's voice cracked while he shrieked out the words. Tears began to gather in his sorrowful eyes as he added, "What makes you think this is for the best? Shredder already attacked me and threatened to torture me! You can't just leave me here with him!"

"Donnie, please don't. This is hard enough as it is."

"I'm your brother! How can you do this to me?"

Leonardo's only response was to turn his head even further away.

"Look at me, Leo! At least do me the courtesy of looking me in the eyes!" Inching closer to the bars of his cell, Donatello peered up at his older brother beseechingly.

Granting his genius brother's request, Leo's eyes finally fell upon Donnie for the first time since his arrival in the Shredder's dungeon and the injured turtle shuddered at what he saw.

A heavy sigh exhaled out of Leonardo before he spoke again.

"I really didn't want to have to do this, Donnie, but you leave me no choice," Leo groaned, frustrated that Donnie was forcing him to be brutally honest. The turtle in blue had hoped it would not come to the ugly truth, but he should have known better than to think that his obstinate little brother would just accept his fate.

"We don't need you anymore, okay! There! I said it! Are you happy now?"

The words made Donatello feel like his brother had just struck him down with his katanas.

The tears now fell uncontestedly down Donatello's bruised cheeks as he watched his oldest brother's eyes fill with anger. The same brother that Donnie had always looked up to. The brother that he had always admired more than anyone. The brother that he had secretly always wanted to be the most like.

Leo was now the brother who had broken him past the point of possible repair.

"Face it, Donnie! You're completely useless to us now and the last thing we need is your deadweight dragging us down any further. After all, we've got Casey to fix all of our mechanical stuff. April can take care of the technical stuff you used to. Sensei and I can cover the medical stuff. And Mikey and Raph can handle everything else. Like I said, we don't need you, Donnie." The lines were cold and flat, spoken as though Leonardo had rehearsed what he was going to say beforehand.

"No!" Donnie wailed out, unable to put any other words to his indescribable grief. His whole body was going numb from the shock. It felt as if his whole life had just collapsed all around him.

"You're nothing but a burden to us, Donnie. You always have been, even before you were injured. We . . . we just can't take care of you anymore. It's tearing our family apart," Leo muttered, almost apologetically as he reached a hand forward and wrapped his fingers around one of the bars of Donnie's cell.

"Before I go, I need you to promise me one thing, Donatello. Swear to me that you won't ever tell Shredder the location of the lair. I know you probably hate me right now, but you have to protect the family above all else."

"I would never do anything to hurt any of you."

"Swear it!" The firmness in Leonardo's tone made the genius turtle flinch.

"I . . . I swear it." Though Donnie's voice was on the brink of failure, his words were true. He would never break his vow. There was nothing the enemy could say or do to him that would make him put his family in danger. That was because there was nothing the enemy could say or do to him that would cause him more pain and suffering than what his own brother had caused him just now.

"Goodbye, Donnie." With that said, Leonardo turned his back to his second youngest brother and started down the long corridor leading away from Donatello's prison cell.

The finality of those words was what ultimately caused the genius turtle's composure to crumple like a piece of burning paper.

"No! Leo! Please! Please, don't leave!" Donnie called out to his older brother, but Leo just kept right on walking. He didn't show any signs of hesitation or turning back, even as his younger brother repeatedly screamed his name.

Watching Leonardo disappear into the darkness, Donatello had never felt so utterly alone in all of his life, but a revolting laugh beside him reminded him that he was not in fact alone.

Donnie stared up at the man that he had almost forgotten was still there. Or maybe he just plain didn't care that he was there anymore . . .

"You work for me now!" The Shredder growled, constricting his eyes into wrathful slits as he pulled back his fist and forcibly pitched a gauntlet blade straight through Donatello's wounded shoulder.

A blood-curdling scream erupted from the broken turtle, forming the word "LEO!"

* * *

A shriek of terror had been trapped inside his throat when his body had shot bolt upright in the middle of the night. He had prayed that he hadn't emitted any actual noise or outcry as he had gotten up, for he hadn't wanted to draw any unnecessary attention to the fact that he was awake.

He hadn't initially realized that he wasn't actually alone. There had been someone standing right beside him when he had awoken, but for the first several minutes after waking, he had been oblivious to their presence.

What breathing Donatello had been able to carry out at the time had come in small, short mouthfuls and his hammering heart had felt as though it was about to burst inside of his rib cage. In his trembling hands, he had clenched a twisted, sweat-soaked blanket, restraining the worn fabric against his injured shoulder like a shield.

He could still feel the stabbing pain.

He could still hear all the awful words.

He could still remember every single repugnant detail.

Leo had been there, and then, he was gone . . . figuratively and literally.

As his senses had slowly started to return to him, Donatello had become aware of the fact that he was not alone, but this realization had not been accompanied by a feeling of fear. Just a feeling of unconditional sadness. Through his tormented, teary eyes, he had stared up at the individual standing over him. That individual then left the room to retrieve a glass of water, leaving Donnie to gape out into the shadows fully enclosing him. His weary, reddish-brown orbs had just stared blankly ahead, blind to what actually laid before him. All he had been able to see were vivid memories rerunning in his head, like a streaming video looping over and over again. Had the images he had been viewing simply been the result of a standard feed repeating a video, he had the technical know-how to stop them cold, but he had no idea how to shut off the images repeating in his brain.

His mind was now his worst enemy . . .

In his head, Donnie could still see Leo walking away and it had made it almost impossible not to cry.

The sound of footsteps approaching had effectively distracted him from breaking down.

The owner of the footsteps had carried a tall glass of water in his hand, just as he had promised. He had then walked up to Donatello and held the glass up to the injured turtle's lips, motioning for him to drink. Donnie had done as silently instructed.

When Donatello had signaled that he was done, the glass had been pulled away and set down on the nearest hard surface. The badly wounded turtle had then felt two strong arms wrap around him and hoist him up. As he had been carried away, he had felt himself start to shiver uncontrollably in the powerful grip.

That was ten minutes ago . . .

Ignoring the sound of his name being called out for the second time, Donnie wearily stared at the mirror over the bathroom sink that he was desperately clinging to. He recoiled at the reflection showing back at him. Releasing his hold on the sink so he could pick up a tattered towel, he attempted to swab the glass of the mirror clean. He was hoping that if he cleaned off all the spots, he might improve the image before him, but no matter how hard he wiped, he couldn't erase the ghastly reflection.

It was appalling. _He_ was appalling.

The much older-looking version of himself staring back at him made him sick to his stomach. What skin wasn't covered with a multitude of colors from faded bruises, was unnaturally ashen, bearing no semblance of his once healthy olive green complexion. His face was hollowed and sunken in, as though someone had sucked every last ounce of elasticity and subcutaneous fat from him with a straw. His eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, presumably from his lack of sleep.

The grotesque being in the mirror was taunting him, showing him that he was just as messed up externally as he was internally. The small consolation was that most of his external transformations would eventually heal. The internal ones, however . . . Well, Donnie was becoming more and more convinced that they never would.

It felt as though there was another being trapped inside of his body and it was desperately trying to scratch and claw its way out through his skin. The very skin that masked his every inward emotion from his family. On the inside, he was a train wreck, but his outward appearance constantly conveyed the unrevealing façade he put up merely to appease his family.

The Donatello they had known all of their lives . . .

The Donatello they wanted . . .

He was slipping away, being dragged into an infinite abyss of darkness and gloom. And for the life of him, the genius turtle didn't know how to repair this.

His name sounded out for the third time from the other side of the door. Still, just as soft. Still, just as calm as the first two times it had been uttered.

Donnie's thoughts shifted to his oldest brother once more and he had to return his shaky hand to the sink for support.

The merciless voices in his head started up again.

 _"We don't need you anymore!"_

 _"You're completely useless to us now and the last thing we need is your deadweight dragging us down any further."_

 _"You're nothing but a burden to us, Donnie. You always have been, even before you were injured."_

Donatello would have shut his eyes to the pain, but he was afraid if he did, another nightmare would be waiting for him behind closed eyelids. Hence the reason for his lack of sleep. The nightmares just kept coming, each one more traumatizing than the one before. Each disturbing dream would give the voices in his head more material to work with. The particular nightmare he was presently attempting to recover from was no exception.

 _"It's better this way. You're . . . you're a liability to us now. We don't have the time or the resources to take care of you all the time."_

The words hurt, even with the knowledge that they were only from a dream. Donatello had read numerous articles on dream interpretation and he knew that psychologists around the globe widely contended that dreams were a symbolic representation of one's subconscious thoughts. If this theory was indeed accurate, it meant that not only were his conscious thoughts out to get him, but now, his subconscious ones were, too.

 _Seriously? My own mind is committing mutiny_. _Like I don't have enough problems as it is_ , Donnie thought grimly, half-tempted to slap himself in the back of the head, the same way that Raph liked to smack them whenever they were frustrating him.

"Donnie, are you okay in there?" The same voice came again and there was a subsequent knock at the door.

 _'_ No _'_ was the first word that popped into Donnie's head, but he didn't bother to vocalize an actual response. He was too preoccupied with staring at his unsightly reflection.

Donnie could see in the mirror that the door was slowly being opened behind him.

 _Aw, come on! I'm in the bathroom, for shell's sake! Can't a turtle get a little privacy?_

The resident genius was mentally kicking himself for not locking the door upon his entrance _._ Sure, he wasn't doing anything other than standing there looking at his image in the mirror, but it was a matter of principle. As far as he was concerned, it was completely unethical to enter a restroom without permission, family or not.

A loud sigh deflated out of Donatello as he tried in vain to dig his fingers into the sides of the service sink, feeling an intense need to latch onto something stable. At least something that was more stable than him.

"Donnie?" Leonardo breathed out the word as he quietly padded into the bathroom, trying not to spook his wounded sibling. The oldest turtle's face was wrought with concern while he stared at his brother's reflection in the mirror.

It was Leo who had rescued Donnie from the throes of his latest nightmare. The blue-clad turtle had gotten up in the middle of the night to get some aspirin for a blossoming headache when he had heard strange noises coming from the lab. Forgetting all about his original purpose and the headache, Leo had rushed into the infirmary where he had found his second youngest brother in the midst of what looked to be a terrifying nightmare. Much to the oldest turtle's horror, Donatello had been wildly tossing about in his sleep, whimpering Leo's name and hoarsely crying out for him not to leave. It had been enough to make the leader's heart sink to the floor. Not willing to let his brother needlessly suffer or risk him injuring himself, Leo had grasped Donnie's good shoulder and attempted to gently shake him back into consciousness. Before long, the injured turtle had jerked awake from his dream, instantly latching onto his blanket and holding onto it for dear life while he had tried to get his bearings back.

After a minute or so of confusion, Donatello had finally become cognizant of the fact that his oldest brother was standing over his cot. That was when the genius turtle had gazed up at Leonardo with the most traumatized expression the oldest turtle had ever seen. Just seeing the devastated look on Donnie's face had brought tears to Leo's eyes. He couldn't help but wonder what Donnie had been dreaming about to get him so worked up, but Leo's first priority had been to get his panic-stricken brother to calm down, not to prod him for the gory details.

When Leonardo had heard the wheezing in Donatello's breathing, he had rushed off to the kitchen to get a glass of cold water for his younger brother. After Donnie had drank his fill of water, the oldest turtle had unhooked his brother's IV and carefully picked him up so he could transport him to the restroom. Once they had gotten there, Donatello had insisted on doing 'things' by himself. Leo had reluctantly agreed, but he had stayed posted right outside of the bathroom door, just in case something happened.

After about ten minutes had passed, Leo had called out Donnie's name several times. When no reply had followed, the oldest turtle had decided to enter the bathroom to check on his distraught brother. Though Leonardo had not wanted to possibly humiliate Donnie by walking in on him while he was in the bathroom, his concern for his injured sibling's emotional and physical well-being had overridden his obligation to respect his brother's entreaty for privacy. Plus, Leo had assumed that ten minutes had been more than enough time for Donnie to conduct any basic bodily functions.

When Leonardo had stepped inside of the bathroom, he had found Donatello stooped over the sink, using the basin and his good leg to sustain his weight. Now, Donnie had turned towards him, but it was obvious to Leonardo that his younger brother couldn't bring himself to look him in the eyes.

Unable to hold himself up a moment longer, the genius turtle went through the rather clumsy and painful process of lowering himself down onto the closed lid of the toilet right beside the sink that he had just been hunched over. Once he was situated on the seat, Donnie rested his unsheathed elbow on top of his thigh and let his head drop into his unsteady hand.

Crouching down in front of his little brother, Leonardo gently squeezed one of his hands around Donnie's forearm. The leader in blue could see that his brother's body was coated in thin layer of sweat, so Leo got back up and grabbed a clean washcloth and ran it under tepid water for a few seconds. After shutting off the faucet, he wrung out the cloth and squatted down next to Donnie again. Leonardo then began to wipe Donatello's skin with the lukewarm washcloth, making sure to keep his movements soothing and gentle in hopes that it might help to calm his troubled brother.

"I need you to talk to me, Donnie," Leo pleaded as he continued to softly swab away the sweat and tears from his little brother's skin. The oldest turtle could see and feel that Donatello was trembling violently and he could hear how irregular his wounded brother's breathing was.

"Please, Donnie."

The genius turtle twisted his gaze away from Leo, once again refusing to communicate what was going on inside of his head.

"It was a real bad one, huh? You know, it might make you feel better if you tell me about it."

Lightly dabbing the damp washcloth along Donnie's neck, Leonardo noticed that his brother shuddered at his touch, which made the older turtle's heart clench.

 _Is he shuddering because of the nightmare or because of me?_

"Donnie, please! Let me help you. Tell me what's bothering you," Leo tried again, but Donnie just adamantly shook his head and looked down at his big brother with a shattered expression. It was more than the oldest turtle could bear.

Draping the washcloth over the side of the sink, Leo got to his feet and carefully scooped his little brother up into his arms, cradling him to his body like he was holding a small child. Leo then rested his forehead against Donnie's head for a moment before carrying his younger brother out of the bathroom. Much to the genius turtle's surprise, Leonardo headed in the direction of the brothers' bedrooms rather than the infirmary. Once inside of Donatello's bedroom, the oldest turtle peeled back the covers on the bed that had been vacant for weeks and laid his brother down. Leo made sure that Donnie was comfortable, and even went so far as to tuck his younger brother in, before taking a few steps back.

"Leo." As Donnie whispered his brother's name, he reached his hand out towards him. "Please . . . don't leave me. Not like in the dream."

The grief in Donatello's voice made Leo almost feel the need to apologize for whatever unspeakable things he had done in his little brother's dream, but he instead clasped his sibling's frail hand in one of his own. Leonardo then placed his other hand on the top of Donnie's head and stroked it affectionately.

"Just close your eyes, Donnie. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere." Leo then pulled up a chair so he could settle in for the night. He wasn't about to leave his little brother's side. Not for anything.

* * *

 ** _To be continued . . ._**

 ** _*Author's Notes: This chapter made me cry . . . a lot._**

 ** _I am not sure when I will be posting the next chapter. Sorry, but I need to take some time off._**

 ** _Thank you all so much for reading my stories and thank you for the support that you have given me this past year. I appreciate your kindness more than you will ever know._**

 ** _CJ_**


	33. Chapter 33 - Turning Point

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter 33 of 'Lost in the Fight.' I'm really sorry for the wait . . .**_

 _ **I want to start off by thanking everyone for the tremendous outpouring of support these past two weeks. It was absolutely overwhelming. For those of you who don't know, I was sent a rather scathing message on Tumblr a few weeks ago and I was deeply saddened by the cruel things the person said. That's the reason I didn't post an update last week. I needed some time to heal, and in all honesty, I was scared to post again after what happened. I kept telling myself that I shouldn't let one person's mean comments bring me down, but sometimes that's easier said than done. To quote Master Splinter from my own 'TMNT Shell Shot' ('Under the Skin'), "Words can be just as hurtful as any weapon or even the deadliest venom. They can seep under the skin and slowly poison a person's mind."**_

 _ **Now that I have returned, I want to apologize to everyone for my temporary absence/cowardice and thank you all for being so incredibly kind to me. Your words of encouragement really helped me through. I truly don't deserve so many wonderful friends and readers. You are all such extraordinary people and I am so very lucky to have you guys. 8,}**_

 _ **Okay, I'm getting all emotional again. Let's get onto the chapter before I lose it.**_

 _ **As always, thanks for reading. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 33 – Turning Point**

Six of the longest weeks in history had passed since they had nearly lost Donatello and some semblance of normalcy had returned to the lair. The lingering physical wounds inflicted upon the genius turtle had shown significant improvement over the past few weeks. So much so, that he was able to get around the lair with the aid of a homemade crutch lovingly handcrafted by Leo and Master Splinter. Donnie also utilized walls, furniture, concrete ledges, sewer pipes, and various large objects to get to where he wanted to go. The wounded turtle had gotten so proficient at hopping and hobbling about on one good leg and a crutch, he didn't bother to use his wheelchair anymore. Not even when he was in his laboratory. He had discovered that he much preferring using his tried and true blue task chair to shuttle around the lab. The wheelchair was now only being kept on hand just in case Donnie should need it again . . . and occasionally for Michelangelo's personal entertainment.

Once his brainy big brother no longer required the wheeled seat to get around, Mikey had starting taking the chair out for some highly anticipated topside spins. The wheelchair was like the youngest turtle's own portable roller coaster and he was totally psyched about his new pastime. Of course, his brothers weren't aware of this. If they did find out what he had been doing with the wheelchair when no one was around, they'd probably crack his shell.

Donatello's lab was now back to the way it was before the incident. The cot, heart monitor, infusion stand, and miscellaneous medical supplies that had been strewn about the laboratory for weeks had all been returned to their designated locations, which made everyone feel a lot better. It was an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. Plus, now that the infirmary items were neatly tucked away, it made for less obstacles for Donnie to have to shuffle around.

The gaping hole in Donatello's shoulder had healed over, but he would always sport a nasty scar from the stab wound and consequent cauterization.

Then, there was the internal damage . . .

While the outside of the shoulder appeared to be mended for the most part, the inside of the shoulder was another story. It was in tough shape. _Really_ tough shape. A heavy-duty sling still kept Donnie's shoulder immobilized due to the extensive tissue, muscle, tendon, and bone damage that the naginata blade had caused. The injured turtle had grown to hate the sling with a passion. His family kept assuring him that he would only have to wear it for a little while longer. Much to his growing frustration, Donatello would receive a similar type of response whenever he inquired about his still-splinted broken leg.

" _Just a few more weeks . . . "_

Well, that was a few weeks too long as far as Donnie was concerned.

His family was doing their best to get Donatello back on his feet. Despite the fact that he still had one leg and arm incapacitated, his brothers and father had already begun the painful process of trying to get his physique back up to snuff . . .

Six straight weeks of Donnie not eating properly had left him severely underweight and his brothers had decided that enough was enough. The genius turtle had always been the most slender of the brothers, but his ordeal had taken slender to new extremes. He was so sickeningly thin, it was hard to look at him, so his brothers had made it their mission to 'fatten' him up.

Since waking from his coma, Donatello's stomach hadn't exactly been very cooperative. It seemed to be a critic of pretty much all solid foods, so the wounded turtle had been sticking to mostly liquid nutrients, such as broth, yogurt, applesauce, and those nutritional shakes that April kept bringing for him. Every once in a while, Donnie would branch out and have half a bowl of bland oatmeal or rice, a small plateful of unseasoned scrambled eggs, or a piece or two of plain toast, but these things weren't helping him pack on any pounds. Hence the reason his brothers had decided it was time to intervene.

After a whole lot of coaxing and a few idle threats (courtesy of Raphael), Donatello's brothers had finally persuaded him into graduating to normal food again. Ever since then, Leo, Raph, and Mikey had been in the habit of bringing the braniac turtle an unwholesome breakfast in bed, sneaking him slices of pizza every fifteen minutes or so, and delivering additional meals and snacks to his lab all hours of the day. While Donnie appreciated the sentiment, he really didn't think that twenty-three-plus meals a day was necessary, nor was it part of a healthy balanced diet.

When Donatello's family wasn't trying to get him to consume a thirty-thousand calorie-a-day diet, they would be busy trying to get him some much-needed exercise. The ordeal had left the genius turtle seriously out of shape.

For the past five days, Donnie had been allowed to start attending morning practice sessions with his brothers, although his participation was minimal. While his brothers would train and spar, Master Splinter or April would help Donatello with his physical therapy regimen. They had started with low-resistance strength training exercises to begin building his weakened body back up, but after not using his muscles for such a long period of time, the injured turtle would get sore and tire easily. Desperately wanting to speed his recovery process along, Donnie would try to hide any outward signs of discomfort or fatigue so he could train longer, but his father could always see right through his disguise. Anytime Donatello would start to feel pain or exhaustion, Master Splinter would bark out the same two words . . .

" _Donatello! Yame!"_

The wounded turtle would then be forced to watch practice from the Dojo sidelines for however long his sensei saw fit.

After practice, his father would offer him words of wisdom and encouragement, to which Donatello would always politely express his gratitude, and then, gimp off to his lab. From there, they would hear hardly a peep from the genius turtle for the remainder of the day.

For the past couple of weeks, Donatello isolating himself via his lab had become the new normal. Sure, the lab had long been his temporary means of escape from his family and the outside world, but it was now becoming a means of solitary confinement. Morning, noon, and night, the genius turtle would stay hidden inside of his laboratory, only coming out for morning practice, intermittent bathroom breaks, newly mandated mealtimes (to ensure he ate properly and made social appearances), and to go to bed (also newly mandated or he would never get any rest). His family had come to think of the term 'lab' as a bad word. They were all beginning to hate the sight of the closed laboratory doors.

When Donatello did actually come out of his lab, he didn't say much. He was cordial enough and always spoke when spoken to, but his answers to questions asked of him were as short and succinct as possible. He never struck up a conversation on his own anymore, seemingly lost in his thoughts. Though he tried to keep up appearances for his family's sake, he hardly ever smiled. He was distant, almost detached. Donnie had always been the most reserved and introverted of the four brothers, but it was painfully obvious that he was growing increasingly withdrawn with each passing day.

His family saw what was happening, but no one said a thing. They were all too afraid. None of them wanted to force Donatello to talk, because none of them wanted to say or do anything that might make things worse, but their hands-off approach was doing just that. Donnie was pushing them further and further away. He wasn't doing it in a spiteful or insensitive manner. He was going about it in a quite stealthy and discreet fashion, attempting to indiscernibly fade into the background, essentially endeavoring to make himself invisible.

When Donnie's reclusive behavior had first started, his brothers had pulled out all the stops, including going out of their way to spend time with him, showing a sudden interest in his scientific explanations and theories, soliciting him for help with projects they could've very well done themselves, and periodically dragging him out of the lab for some involuntary 'quality time.' His brothers had done everything they could to get him to open up, but it didn't take long for the genius turtle to recognize their ploy. Especially when they started asking him for his advice or opinions on trivial things that they had never bothered asking him for advice or opinions on before, such as what toothpaste or soap to get, whether tator tots or crispy crowns tasted better, which area rug in the Dojo was his favorite, or how to get tarnish off the pots and pans. When Donnie realized their sudden attention was all just some ruse to get him to open up and talk, he did everything he could to keep them at arm's length. He didn't want to talk about what had happened, and he _certainly_ didn't want them to pretend to like or care about him just because they felt obligated to out of guilt for all that had happened.

Their pity was just further confirmation to Donatello that he was nothing but a burden.

And, of course, the voices in his head were always there to remind that he was a burden as well.

" _You went off and almost got yourself killed!"_

" _I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

 _"All this time we were waiting around for you to fix things, we could've just been doing it ourselves."_

" _We don't need you anymore!"_

" _You're nothing but a burden to us, Donnie. You always have been, even before you were injured."_

Donatello began to build the walls up higher and higher, creating an impervious fortress around himself to keep his family out. It seemed like the harder his brothers tried to get through to him, the more he pushed them away, to the point that Raph and Mikey had virtually stopped trying for fear of hurting their broken brother more than he already was.

They were losing Donnie, just as Master Splinter had feared.

But there was one brother who refused to give up trying to get through to Donatello, even if it meant possibly pushing him further away. It was a chance Leonardo had to take, for he had made a solemn vow to Master Splinter . . .

" _I swear to you, father, I will find a way to get through to him. I promise we won't lose him."_

It was a vow the oldest turtle wholeheartedly intended to keep.

He couldn't idly stand by and watch his second youngest brother slip away from them. It wasn't in Leo's nature to quit. Especially not when it came to saving one of his brothers.

* * *

Donnie shook his hand vigorously and bit down on his bottom lip to keep himself from saying a bad word. While tightening a bolt on the Shellraiser, the wrench that he had been pushing on had slipped off the bolt head, causing him to crack his knuckles on one of the metal roof plates he was crouching next to. The impact hadn't drawn any blood, but it smarted enough to tell him that it was going to leave a bruise behind.

Once the unpleasant throbbing sensation died down, Donnie promptly resumed his work. He was so immersed in what he was doing, he didn't hear that someone had entered the garage.

"I hardly think that climbing up on top of the Shellraiser falls within your current work restrictions," a somber voice stated, nearly making Donnie fall backwards from the shock of being snuck up on. What frightened the smartest turtle even more was that he had just been caught red-handed – or rather in his case _green_ -handed – doing something he knew his family wouldn't approve of.

 _Surely this won't end well . . ._

"Oh, hey, Leo! Heh, heh. I was just, uh, doing some . . . you know . . . basic repair and maintenance up here. Nothing too laborious. Definitely not anything to stress out over . . . or tell the others about." It was a poor attempt on Donnie's part to downplay what he had been working on and make it sound like it was just 'light duty' stuff.

Straightening up his back, Donatello cast his wrench aside so he could hastily wipe his filthy hand off on his tool belt. He then leaned closer to the edge of the roof to make brief eye contact with Leonardo in an attempt to assess the leader's mood.

Unfortunately, Donnie was having a tough time reading his oldest brother's expression. Leo's face was about as legible as a doctor's handwritten prescription. Stereotypically speaking, of course. Donnie knew that not all doctors fell into that age-old pigeonhole.

"And how exactly did you get up there with only one good arm and leg?" Came Leo's skeptical reply.

Donnie let out an uneasy chuckle and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while he contemplated his response. He seriously considered firing off an answer that included something about happy thoughts and pixie dust, but he figured ever-serious Leo wouldn't appreciate the humor in such a comment and the unwelcome use of sarcasm could result in a lecture of astronomical proportions. The genius turtle was already treading on thin ice as it was. He decided that the simple truth was his best option.

"With a six-foot stepladder. I climbed up through the roof hatch," Donnie answered indifferently, trying to attach as little importance to the response as possible. All the while, he was fighting like shell to keep his nervousness in check. He wasn't sure how his brother was going to react.

Leonardo peered inside the open pocket door of the revamped subway car and eyed the ladder for several long seconds before gazing back up at Donnie.

While Leo visually assessed the situation, Donatello's stomach worked its way into a double loop knot. The brainiac turtle kept perfectly still, thinking maybe if he stayed completely motionless, his oldest brother would miraculously suffer from a brain fart and forget that he was up there.

No such miracle came. Leo's brain wasn't as prone to flatulence as Mikey's was.

"'You think you could climb down from there and take a little break? I want to talk to you about something." Hearing that distinctive tone in Leonardo's voice that he reserved exclusively for those times when he wanted to 'talk' – as he always put it – made the genius turtle's stomach problems about ten times worse. He could feel his gut curdle with dread.

Donatello's brilliant mind rapidly began to devise an elaborate escape plan, the initial part of which involved him dropping through the roof hatch, sliding down the ladder, pulling the side door shut, using his crutch to pole vault himself into the driver's seat, flooring the gas pedal, and speeding off to some undetermined, heavily-wooded location where his family would never think to look, all before Leo could even process what had happened. Once Donnie reached the part of his plan where he was plotting to shroud the Shellraiser underneath some dense foliage and live off the land and Mikey's not-so-secret snack stash, it dawned on him that he might be going to extremes to get out of a simple 'talk' with his big brother.

Besides, the wounded turtle didn't see his plan making it past the first few phases. Something told him that sliding down a ladder and pole vaulting wouldn't go as gracefully or as effortlessly as he had envisioned in his head.

 _May as well bite the bullet and get it over with . . ._

"Uh, sure, Leo. Just give me a second to clean up." With that said, Donnie quickly collected the assorted tools he had brought up to the roof with him, tucking them in his belt so his arm and hand were free to assist him in making his descent back down to the ground.

Out of the corner of his eye, Donnie could see that his big brother was intently watching his every movement, which made him feel even more frazzled than he already was. The brainy turtle was pretty sure that Leo was just waiting for him to screw up so he would have 'I told you so' rights. Bearing that in mind, Donatello was extra careful as he climbed down the ladder. He somehow managed to make his movements appear fluid and nimble, even though his body was screaming out in pain.

Gritting his teeth as he painted on a bogus smile, Donnie grabbed his crutch that he had left beside the ladder and hobbled off to his work bench to deposit his tool belt. He then wordlessly proceeded towards his lab to save Leo the trouble of having to suggest that they go someplace more comfortable. Donnie had had so many of these 'talks' with his oldest brother over the years, he had a comprehensive flowchart ingrained in his head of how the interactions typically went down. The genius turtle was just trying his best to skip as many steps as possible, hoping to get to the end of the process faster.

Once inside of his lab, Donnie sank down into his office chair parked beside his desk and woke up his computer to check the time. It was already afternoon. Evidently, he had been working on the Shellraiser a lot longer than he had thought. His eyes widened to about twice their previous size when he realized that he had missed yet another regularly scheduled mealtime. That was the third time this week.

 _Hmmm, I wonder what Leo wants to 'talk' about_ . . .

It was at this particular point that Donnie noticed that someone – presumably Leonardo on his way to the garage – had set a heaping plate of Mikey's ramen noodle surprise on left side of his desk. The brainy turtle had never scraped up enough courage to ask his little brother what exactly the surprise was in the dish, just like he had never been brave enough to inquire what exactly the frosting had been made out of on that algae and worm cake that Mikey had made in celebration of their fifteenth hatch day. Donnie wondered if the surprise in the noodles and the mystery inside of the frosting were one and the same. But when he thought about some of his baby brother's past culinary concoctions, such as the P-shake, jelly bean nachos, pudding burgers, and nine meat chalupas, he decided that he was probably better off not knowing.

As Donnie sat there visually dissecting the contents of the plate, Leo leaned his weight on the edge of his younger brother's desk, perfectly obstructing the genius turtle's view of his once hot lunch. This effectively shifted Donnie's focus from Mikey's innovative cooking techniques right back onto his oldest brother's predictable communication practices.

"So . . . what did you want to talk about, Leo?" Donnie asked in a meek manner, pretending as though he didn't already have his working theories about what topics would be up for discussion.

Without further ado – and in perfect accordance with Donnie's expectations – Leo leveled off his shoulders and loosely folded his arms across his plastron, taking up his conventional lecturing stance. The oldest turtle's eye ridges dipped down and his expression settled into something between a frustrated frown and a look of empathy.

Donnie found himself wishing he would have at least tried to race off in the Shellraiser when he had had the chance.

 _It would've been far more honorable to go down fighting than to simply accept defeat_ . . .

"You missed lunch again," Leo stated the obvious.

"Yeah, about that . . . I was so absorbed with working on the Shellraiser, I guess I just lost track of the time. I didn't realize how late it had gotten. I know that's a sorry excuse, but it's the truth." There was a brief pause in the conversation so Donnie could internally shudder to himself. He was fairly certain that he had used that exact same explanation the last time he had missed a meal. Swallowing thickly, he then attempted to smooth things over as best he could. "I'll eat something. I promise."

"This isn't just about you not eating, Donatello."

 _Already deploying my full name. Definitely not a good sign_ . . .

"I didn't miss lunch on purpose, Leo. I'm telling you the truth. I swear!" Feeling as though his big brother was questioning the validity of his claims, Donnie instantly jumped to his own defense. Of course, he couldn't blame Leonardo for having reservations about his honesty. After all, the supposedly 'most intelligent' turtle kept replicating the same mistake, and then, offering the same insubstantial excuse for making that mistake. If he were Leo, he'd have a tough time buying it himself.

"I believe you, Donnie." As Leonardo spoke, he unfolded his arms and slowly inched towards his little brother, assuming that the closer proximity would help him to better convey the rest of his message. "But it's starting to feel like you're avoiding us. You hardly ever talk to us anymore. When we ask you to do something with us, you never want to. You always come up with some sort of excuse to get out of hanging out with us. You spend almost all your time cooped up in your lab. If we didn't make you come out for meals or bedtime, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't come out at all."

The heavy amount of anguish in his oldest brother's voice and words caught Donatello a little off-guard. He hadn't expected Leonardo to come right out and lay his cards on the table like that.

"I . . . I'm not avoiding you," Donnie stuttered, shifting his eyes towards the floor to escape his brother's stare, which was rather ironic considering what the genius turtle had just said.

In an instant, Leo was stooped over Donatello, cupping his wounded brother's face in his hands and tilting his head up so their gaze was locked together. The blue-masked ninja could see the growing alarm in his younger sibling's eyes and he could feel Donnie's flight response kicking in, but Leonardo held on tight so his brother couldn't hide from him. His brother had been hiding long enough . . .

"We're all worried about you, Donnie."

"I – I'm sorry if I made all of you worry. There's no need to. I'm fine." Uncomfortable with where the conversation was heading, Donnie attempted to twist his head free from his brother's clutches to no avail. Panic was starting to set it. He suddenly felt like a mouse caught in a glue trap. The more he pulled away, the more adhesive his big brother's grip seemed to get.

"You are _not_ fine, Donatello! That line might work with Mikey . . . or maybe even Raph, but it's not going to work with me! Do you think I don't see what you're doing?"

"I'm not doing anything!" Donnie quickly denied, still instinctively trying to pull away from Leo, but the older turtle just tightened his grip, to the point that it was beginning to hurt.

"That's precisely my point! You won't talk to any of us about what happened, no matter how many times we ask. You're barely getting any sleep because of the nightmares, but yet, you won't even admit to having them. When we try to comfort you or help you with anything, you practically try to run away from us. When we try to apologize for hurting you, you cut us off and tell us it doesn't matter. When we try to spend time with you, you act like you're scared of us and get all nervous. Should I keep going? Because I haven't even gotten warmed up yet."

Donatello tried to dip his head down in shame, but he wasn't allowed to. His older brother firmly held onto him so he couldn't look away. That was when tears began to materialize in Donnie's reddish-brown eyes against his will. Embarrassed beyond belief, the brainiac turtle was quick to try to blink them away before Leo could see his moment of weakness, but he hadn't been quick enough.

"Donnie, all we want to do is help you, but we can't do that if you keep pushing us further and further away." Leo's normally strong voice teetered on the edge of a whisper as his breath nearly failed him.

Needing a moment to collect himself, Leonardo looked away from his brother's teary eyes. That's when his own eyes fell upon the wheelchair shoved heedlessly into the corner of the lab, next to the bookshelf. While the oldest turtle was pleased that his wounded brother no longer required a wheelchair to get around, he couldn't help but notice that Donnie hadn't made a single modification to the chair. That wasn't like the genius turtle at all. The Donnie that Leo knew and loved would've upgraded the wheelchair to the max, but the Donnie sitting before him had done absolutely nothing to the chair. Not one little thing. Now that Leo was thinking about, his intellectual brother hadn't upgraded or invented anything since coming out of his coma. Sure, Donatello had been busying himself with tinkering here and there, but it had been weeks since the ordeal, and he had yet to come rushing out of the lab to sing the praises of some crazy new invention, a discovery or improvement he had made, or even an idea he had in mind. Leo missed that side of Donnie. He missed how excited his brainy brother used to get when he was telling them about something he was working on, even when none of them showed any interest in it whatsoever. Donnie rarely let their constant lack of enthusiasm for his work get him down. He would light up like a firecracker whenever he was going on about his latest design or contraption. Back then, Leo hadn't appreciated his little brother's overzealous creativity and tenacity, but now, the turtle in blue would've given anything for Donnie to act like his old self again. Heck, Leo would've given anything just to see a genuine smile out of his second youngest brother again. Not the forged one that Donatello put on just for show.

The oldest turtle focused his gaze back on Donnie again and he could see that his brother was conflicted by something. What is was, Leonardo wished he knew.

"Leo," Donnie breathed out, wanting so much to say something more, but all he could manage to get past his lips was his brother's nickname. If he didn't understand what was going on inside of his own head, how in the world was he supposed to explain it to someone else? Besides, as far as the genius turtle was concerned, he was doing them all a favor. What Leo saw as him pushing them away, Donnie saw as his moral duty to his family. He had to protect them from his own incompetence. He didn't want to be anyone's burden anymore. The more he stayed away from them, the better off they all would be.

" _I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

" _If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . "_

" _You're nothing but a burden to us, Donnie. You always have been, even before you were injured. We . . . we just can't take care of you anymore. It's tearing our family apart."_

No, Donnie would not be the one to rip them apart. He would do everything in his power to keep them together. If that meant taking himself out of the picture as much as possible, then that was what he was going to do in order to save his family. He would do anything to protect them.

 _Anything!_

Sealing his eyes shut to avoid Leo's insistent stare, Donnie fought to hold back his tears, but he soon felt the telltale wetness slide down his cheek.

In an instant, Leonardo swept the tears away from his little brother's face with his thumbs. As he did so, he could feel Donatello start to tremble in his hands.

"Donnie, please . . . Tell me how to help you. Tell me what I can do to make things better again."

Closing his eyes even tighter, Donatello wished with all of his heart and soul that fixing what was wrong with him was as simple as telling someone what to do or say to make the pain magically go away, but life didn't work that way.

Things were never going to go back to the way they were before . . .

The sound of Leo's voice caused the broken turtle to open his eyes again.

"Stop shutting us out, Donnie! We all know you're hurting inside, but none of us want to force you to talk about it. We've been trying to give you your space, but we can't just stand by and watch you push us away anymore! It's killing us!" Desperation seizing hold of him, Leo suddenly found himself trying to shake some sense into his little brother. He really didn't know what else to do anymore. He felt as though he was at the end of his rope and this was his last-ditch chance to breach the barricades that his wounded brother had put up.

As his older sibling continued to shake him by the head, Donnie just looked at Leo with a confused expression. All this time, he had thought that disengaging himself from his family was making things better, but here Leo was, telling him that his reticence was killing them.

"I . . . I don't understand." Though normally the most perceptive one of the brothers, Donatello now felt as if he had gotten his signals crossed somewhere along the line and made a serious miscalculation. Maybe they didn't think he was a worthless burden after all. Maybe his brothers did still need him.

"This isolation thing you're doing . . . It has to stop. I won't lose you, Donnie! Not again!" The tone in Leonardo's voice came as close to out-and-out begging as possible, revealing just how distressed he was. In fact, he was so worked up, he wasn't even aware that he kept tightening his grip on Donatello like a vice.

Had Donnie's head been a grape, he would've been crushed by the pressure.

"Uh, Leo, you're squishing me."

This rather embarrassing revelation caused Leonardo's face to flush as red as Raphael's mask. The blue-clad leader was quick to release his hold on Donatello and take a giant step backwards so he could visually inspect his younger brother for any new injuries.

"Sorry about that, Donnie."

"It's okay. No harm done. Besides, I'm well overdue for another head injury. I don't want to break my streak." A shrewd smile spread across the genius turtle's face while he timidly rubbed his hand against the back of his head.

"There's that wicked sense of humor that's been missing . . . and that smile," Leo said, giving his little brother a playful nudge on the chin with his thumb. This made Donatello feel self-conscious, and as a result, his smile quickly faded away, much to Leonardo's disappointment.

"I want to help you get that smile back, Donnie. You and I . . . we're gonna get through this together, okay? Starting tomorrow, after morning practice, we're gonna have daily one-on-one sessions until we get you back to your old self again."

Donnie nodded, finally feeling a small glimmer of hope spark inside of him. For the first time in weeks, he felt like there was a chance he wasn't broken beyond repair. For the first time in weeks, he felt needed, and it felt good.

 _Really good . . ._

"Well, I'll leave you to your lunch. I need to go talk to Master Splinter before he leaves."

That last comment made Donnie's eyes flare wide with curiosity.

"Sensei's leaving?"

"Yeah, about that. I wanted to tell you that Splinter's planning on being away from the lair tonight. He said something about going on some sort of spiritual journey that he's been putting off until you were strong enough. He figured he wouldn't be back until tomorrow morning. Do you think you'll be all right by yourself tonight, or would you like one of us to stay with you?" The concern in Leonardo's voice was glaringly obvious, but Donnie hadn't even noticed it. That was because he was too busy thinking about what his big brother had just said . . .

" _Splinter's planning on being away from the lair tonight."_

Those words had inadvertently set the wheels in motion. A plan was already beginning hatch inside the genius turtle's overactive brain, but the sound of his name being said temporarily snapped him out of his thoughts and reminded him that Leonardo was still waiting for his answer. Donatello decided to go with the first sarcastic thing that popped into his head.

 _If it's 'that wicked sense of humor' that Leo wants, then that's what he'll get . . ._

"Actually, I was thinking of posting the lair's location on a bunch of social media sites and offering free beer to the first five hundred attendees of the underground party of the century."

Rolling his eyes ever so slightly, Leo let out an exasperated groan. "Donnie, I'm serious."

"Don't worry, Leo. I'll be perfectly fine. I've been holed up here for the last six weeks without incident. I think I can handle one night on my own."

The corners of Leonardo's mouth lifted up into a soft smile as his heart swelled with pride over the progress he believed to have just made.

 _Things are gonna get better now, Donnie. I promise . . ._

Little did Leo know, he had just made a promise he could not keep.

"So I'll see you at supper then?"

The genius turtle nodded again, agreeing just for the sake of agreeing. The sooner Leo left the lab, the sooner Donnie could get to work on his new master plan. His brothers would be leaving for patrol in just a few hours. He had a lot of plotting to do and little time to do it in.

As he watched his oldest brother walk away, a devious smirk crept across Donnie's face.

After all this time, the wounded turtle was finally going to be left alone in the lair. No one to babysit him. No one to coddle him. No one to stop him from doing whatever he wanted . . .

This was his chance to prove himself. _This_ was his big opportunity to show his family that he wasn't useless.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Is anyone else a little nervous about this plan of Donnie's? You should be. Things are about to get interesting. 0.0**_

 _ **Hopefully I can get the new chapter ready to post by next week. It contains one of my favorite scenes in the whole story.**_

 _ **I wanted to once again thank everyone for nominating my stories for the 2016 TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition. 'Lost in the Fight' received 8 nominations, including Most In-Character Leonardo, Most In-Character Raphael, Most In-Character Donatello, Most In-Character Michelangelo, Most Intriguing Villain - Tiger Claw/Grizzgore, Best Original Character - Grizzgore, Most Exciting Action/Adventure, and Most Intriguing AU. Oh my gosh! I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate the nominations I received. Thank you all so very much.**_

 _ **As always, please take a moment to let me know if you're enjoying this story by favoriting, following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on it. I would really,**_ _ **really**_ _ **love to hear from you. In other words, please send hugs. XD**_

 _ **A gazillion thanks for reading my stories and for sticking with me. I truly adore all of you. ;) CJ**_


	34. Chapter 34 - Sewer Bunnies!

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 34 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and this one is both suspenseful and funny. It's 'funspensy.' Or maybe it's 'sufunsful.' I can't decide . . . XD**_

 _ **Virtual hugs to everyone for reading, favoriting, following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on 'LITF.' Thank you for always being so very nice to me. I really hope you all realize just how much I appreciate you. You guys are totally awesome! *gives you cookies***_

 _ **Well, I know everyone's eager to find out what Donnie's up to, so let's get right to it . . . ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 34 – Sewer Bunnies!**

The lair was way too quiet, as it usually was whenever his brothers went out on patrol for the evening. Without tornadic Mikey goofing off, unhinged Raph snapping at everyone in his path, and overbearing Leo chewing Raph out for his 'insanely bad temper,' their home became unnervingly silent.

Patrol had become Donatello's least favorite part of the day . . .

While there were many times in the past that the genius turtle would've welcomed the temporary reprieve from the constant racket generated by his three brothers, he now had come to realize that he actually needed their background noise to help him concentrate. He had developed a newfound appreciation for their pandemonium. The hours that his brothers spent away from the lair combing the city for any suspicious activity were some of the most mind-numbing hours Donnie had ever endured. Sure, his father had been there with him every night, but Master Splinter wasn't exactly a night owl and he would spend most of the time in his room, either meditating or sleeping, while Donatello tooled around in the lab. By the end of the night, the brainiac turtle would get so bored out of his shell, he oftentimes found himself counting down the minutes until his brothers' return.

Such was not the case this particular night . . .

Well, Donnie was counting down all right, but it was an entirely different kind of countdown.

The genius turtle glanced at the clock display on his computer taskbar for at least the eleventh time in the past five-and-a-half minutes and finally saw the numbers he had been waiting for. It was nearly time for his brothers to 'phone' home.

Sliding open his top right desk drawer, Donnie pulled out a T-phone and set it down in front of him. Nervously wetting his lips, he mashed the center button towards the bottom of the phone to make sure it was still on.

The mobile device now gleaming up at him actually belonged to his father, but since Donatello's own T-phone had been destroyed by the self-destruct mechanism, the wounded turtle had been forced to borrow his father's phone until he was physically able to construct a new one. Of course, Master Splinter had been more than willing to give up his T-phone for the interim, since he wasn't real big on modern technology anyway. He much preferred using his cheese phone over the fancy device his intellectual son had given to him. Truth be told, the traditionalistic old rat had only accepted his son's offering out of the goodness of his heart.

Noticing the time on the phone, Donnie perked up in his seat and readied himself for the usual nightly ritual to commence.

Just like clockwork, the T-phone lying on his desktop started to vibrate and glow. Less than an instant later, an upbeat text tone sang out, temporarily disrupting the dreary quietness hanging over the lab.

It was the same routine around this time every night. One of his brothers would send him a quick text to check up on him.

Donnie eagerly peered down at the phone and read the message.

 **How's it going, D?**

If the genius turtle hadn't already noticed that the text had been sent from Leonardo's phone, he would've guessed it had been Mikey who had typed the message since his oldest brother rarely referred to him as just 'D.' Apparently, Leo wasn't motivated enough to type out the five additional letters necessary to complete the word 'Donnie.'

 _I guess I should be grateful that he's going through the effort of using proper punctuation,_ _unlike Mikey_.

The smartest turtle took a small amount of solace in the fact that at least one of his brothers was capable of keying a grammatically correct sentence.

A ghost of a smile passed Donnie's lips as he started composing his response. Texting had proven to be rather difficult with one arm in a sling, but he was starting to get the hang of it.

 **It's going just swimmingly.**

 **Need us 2 bring anything back for u?**

Donatello rolled his eyes in disgust.

 _I stand corrected. Would it have been too much work to type 'to' and 'you?'_

Sometimes Donnie wondered if text abbreviations and internet acronyms were truly the root of all that was wrong with the world today. People had grown far too reliant on shortcuts and cyberslang. It seemed rather ironic to him that technological advances were causing people to go through a 'dumbening' process.

Lightly shaking his head, Donnie scrunched up his face in concentration as he typed his answer.

 **A southbridge chip, a compressor fan for a refrigeration unit, a one-hundred-fifty watt regulator/rectifier, and a puppy, preferably of the non-shedding variety.**

Donnie didn't actually need any of these items, but he thought it would be funny to ask. He really wished he could've seen the look on Leo's face when he read the message.

 **? ? ? =(**

The brainiac turtle couldn't help but smile at his big brother's usage of the primitive emoticon.

Donnie was about to send another snide response when Leo texted out of turn.

 **We should be home in a few hours.**

 ***\ ( ^ O ^ ) /***

 **Smart aleck!**

 **( ; _ ; )**

 **CUL8R, D :)**

 _Okay, that's just plain lazy, not to mention it looks like it says 'Culeightrd,'_ Donnie mentally groaned. He was almost tempted to text Leo back and ask him what the heck a 'Culeightrd' was just out of spite, but what he ultimately typed was . . .

 **Yes, I will see you later, Leonardo.**

There was no denying that the sentence had been meant to mock his big brother, but whether or not Leo actually realized that, Donnie would never know, because no response followed.

That was it. Just like that, the conversation was over.

It was practically the same text exchange as the night before, and the night before that, and the one before that . . . et cetera, et cetera. One of his brothers would start by asking him how it was going, then they would ask him if he needed anything, and finally, they'd tell him they'd be home in a few hours and that they'd see him later. After that, the phone would remain silent for the rest of the night.

For three weeks, his brothers had been back out on patrol, and for three weeks, Donnie had been left behind to wallow in his boredom. His only escape from his misery would come in the form of a lone text conversation that usually lasted all of a dozen lines or so. Well, he supposed technically that wasn't his _only_ escape. Sometimes, Master Splinter would come to see him in his lab while the others were gone, but hanging out with Sensei wasn't quite the same as hanging out with his brothers. It was a lot more . . . awkward.

Picking up his father's T-phone, Donnie blankly stared down at the screen as he let out a defeated sounding sigh.

The lair was starting to feel like a prison and his lab was his cell.

But this evening was going to be different.

This evening was going to change everything.

After waiting several long minutes to make sure that the text exchange had indeed concluded, Donnie went about setting his plan into motion.

First things first, he put the T-phone back down on his desktop. He needed to leave the device behind so the GPS would indicate that he was still in the lair. Chances were his brothers weren't going to call or text him again, since they had just contacted him, but he wouldn't put it past Leonardo to covertly keep a watchful eye on his whereabouts with the GPS function on their phones, just to make sure he was safe inside of the lair.

The next thing Donnie did was remove the despised shoulder sling that his family insisted he wear at all times, with the exception of showering. Once the wretched thing was off, he gingerly moved his stiff arm and shoulder around, wincing at the discomfort he felt, but a little discomfort was a small price to pay to finally get the use of his limb back. Donnie then set the sling down on his desk next to the T-phone. He was going to burn that stupid sling once his family decided he no longer needed it.

The third step of his plan was to pack up his supplies. Grabbing his crutch, Donnie hobbled over to his duffle bag. He stopped for a moment to grimace at the blood stains that now discolored the bag before taking it down and heading back towards his desk. Limping over to the work table beside his desk, he then gathered up the omni-directional antennas that had been sitting there for weeks now, just collecting dust. He carefully placed them inside of his duffle, along with four night vision security cameras and the appropriate tools for the task at hand. It was a tight fit, but he managed to zip all of the contents inside, although he wasn't sure if the worn-out zipper would hold up to the tension being placed on it. The ratty old bag had definitely seen better days. One thing was for sure, Donnie had gotten the duffle bag's original owner's money's worth out of their purchase, and then some.

There were two more things Donnie needed to get before setting out on his mission. He dug around inside of his top left desk drawer and pulled out a purple mask. He stared down at the thin strip of fabric clutched in his palm for a second or two before securing the mask around his head for the first time in six weeks. Not long after waking from his coma, he had discovered that tying a bandana with only one hand was next to impossible. Too stubborn to ask for help, he had instead gone without his mask since his attack. Finally, he was able to put it back on without anyone's assistance and it felt something like the old days . . . back before the incident.

Swallowing a whimper, Donnie returned his gaze to the open desk drawer.

 _Just one more thing . . ._

The genius turtle reached back down into the top drawer and extracted a digital timer. His clumsy fingers fiddled around with the buttons for a bit until he was able to successfully set the timer to count up. Donnie looked at the clock on his computer display one last time before pressing the start button on the timer and clipping the small device to the strap of his trusty duffle bag. He then hoisted the bag over his uninjured shoulder, which was no doubt going to make using his crutch much more challenging, but he wasn't about to let that stop him from going through with his plan.

He _had_ to do this.

He _had_ to prove to himself that he could . . .

The lines on his face settled into an expression of grim determination as he staggered out of his laboratory and headed into the shadowy depths of the sewer tunnels.

* * *

With a bum leg and a not-so fabulous shoulder, progress was embarrassingly slow. Much, much slower than Donnie had anticipated.

The irony of him being woefully slow and a turtle had not escaped the genius terrapin.

 _That's one giant leap backwards for turtlekind_ , Donnie mentally groaned to himself.

Looking down at his tattered duffle bag that was presently resting beside him on the sewer floor, Donnie saw the display on his digital timer had ticked up to thirty-four minutes. He would have to head back to the lair within the next ten minutes or so in order to make sure he got home before his brothers did. If he made it back to the lair in the same amount of time that it had taken him to make his rounds of the surveillance cameras, he would have over a half hour to spare, which would leave him plenty of time to clean up and hide any evidence of his little adventure. Unfortunately, it also meant that he was only going to have enough time to get one out of the four new cameras installed, but it was still more progress than he had made for weeks. Plus, he had even been able to install the range extender antennas and adjust most of the surveillance system's motion sensors. There were a couple of sensors in the south tunnel that he hadn't gotten to yet, but since he was reduced to an actual 'turtle's pace,' he figured he'd better not push his luck. If his brothers got back home before he did, Leo would have a full-fledged conniption fit, Raph would go completely berserk, and Mikey would have a serious myocardial infarction.

 _Better to be safe than suffer the wrath of three teed off brothers . . ._

As much as Donnie hated to admit defeat, due to time constraints, he would have to wait to fine tune the remaining sensors another day. Still, he was pleased with what he had accomplished in less than forty minutes. It was far more than he had accomplished in the previous sixty-six-thousand-two-hundred-forty minutes or so.

 _Not bad for a gimp._

The timer hit the thirty-seven minute mark.

 _Tick-tock, genius_ , he reminded himself.

Unknowingly sticking his tongue out and curling it over his upper lip, the genius turtle focused his attention back on his work. He needed to hurry up and finish adjusting the security camera he was currently hunched over so he could head home.

It was probably a good thing that it was almost time for him to call it quits for the night. The damaged parts of his body were strongly objecting to him using them for the first time in a month and a half. His wounded shoulder felt as though someone was driving hot nails into it and his fractured leg didn't feel a whole lot better. His ever increasing aches and pains were undeniable indicators that he was overdoing things.

Donnie found himself wishing that he would have had the foresight to pack some aspirin in his bag. He was also starting to have serious regrets about his decision to leave his sling back at the lair. That certainly wasn't the most well-thought-out part of his plan.

He had realized that his body would be sore, but _this? This_ was way worse than he had expected. . .

 _Come on, Donatello. You're a skilled ninja. Pain is an illusion, remember?_

But the second he tried to roll the stiffness out of his shoulder joints, Donnie instantly disproved the whole 'pain is an illusion' theory. His injured shoulder hurt . . . _a lot_. So much so, he couldn't stop himself from hissing in pain and clutching his upper arm until the intense throbbing eased up.

Figuring that was his cue to throw in the towel, Donnie quickly wrapped up what he was working on and started to pack up his stuff. With one less camera and two less antennas in tow, his duffle bag was far easier to zip up this time. Less items also meant that the bag wouldn't be quite as heavy as before, which was a good thing since he was in a lot more pain than before. The discomfort was going to make the hike back to the lair that much more difficult. It was yet another sign that it was high time to go.

Donnie grabbed the strap of his bag and threw it over his good shoulder.

That's when a sudden coughing fit struck him, taking him somewhat by surprise. He hadn't experienced any symptoms of pneumonia for the better part of a week now. He quickly chalked the coughing spell up to the cold night air irritating his still hypersensitive lungs, choosing to ignore the paranoid part of his brain telling him that he was having a relapse.

If his pneumonia returned due to his jaunt around the sewers and his family found out about it, they would never let him leave the lair again.

Rubbing his chest, Donatello swallowed nervously. He then picked up his crutch and started his lengthy trek back to the lair, making sure not to let his intensifying pain slow his tempo. If he did, he might not make it back in time, and no matter what, he had to get back home before his brothers or they'd crack his shell.

But what Donnie hadn't realized at the time was that his brothers had already discovered that something was off.

* * *

 **hey d miss us yet**

…

 **dude whats up**

…

 **what? cant tear urself away from ur computer long enuff 2 text ur own bros XD**

…

 **Donnie, what's going on? Why aren't you answering Mikey's texts?**

…

 **Donnie, fearless is having a cow. Better call or text back. NOW! ! !**

…

 **d raphs about 2 totally go mental. think his heads gonna explode. why arent u answering ur phone. text me asap.**

…

 **dude ur freakin me out :/**

…

 **We're on our way home, Donnie. Text or call as soon as you get this message.**

…

* * *

The first five minutes of Donatello's trip back to the lair had gone without incident. Thus far, it had been relatively painless, and more importantly, cough free. His earlier concern of a possible relapse of his pneumonia was already starting to subside, which came as a great relief. He figured he was simply just overthinking things again. That was one of the curses of being the smartest brother.

Donnie pushed on into the more familiar sections of the sewer system, keeping to the elevated sides of the tunnels as much as possible to avoid having to trudge through the waste and storm water runoff. He continued following the crutch/shuffle/step pattern that he had pretty much mastered at this point.

His pace wasn't as slothful as he had feared it was going to be due to the increased pain. As a matter of fact, his body wasn't hurting nearly as much as it had been a little while ago. His wounded shoulder felt slightly better now that he wasn't moving it around so much. Of course, now his uninjured shoulder was starting to ache on account of the weight of his duffle bag pulling down on it and the pressure from the crutch he was leaning into, but this pain was much more tolerable than before.

Feeling a sudden sense of urgency to get home sooner, he attempted to quicken his strides in hopes of improving on his previous time, but it didn't take him long to figure out that he wasn't going to be breaking any world land speed records anytime in the near future. He could only go as fast as his crutch would take him, and that wasn't exactly what he would qualify as fast. He was just thankful that no one was around to behold his incompetence.

Donatello glanced over at the digital timer still attached to the outside of his duffle bag. The device was counting down now. He still had twenty-nine minutes to get back to the lair, and that didn't even include the half hour grace period he had allotted himself.

His mouth curled up into a satisfied smirk as the tension that had been tightening his muscles started to melt away. All the worry that had been consuming him was for naught. Twenty-nine minutes was more than enough time to make it back to the lair before his brothers.

His smirk grew even wider.

He already had the itinerary for his arrival drawn up in his head. Upon his return, he'd put all of his stuff back exactly where it had been before he had left, so as not to arouse any suspicion, with the obvious exception of the one night vision camera and the two range extender antennas that he had installed. But he was ninety-nine point nine percent certain that his brothers would never notice the items were missing since they probably didn't even know what they were.

Once Donnie put everything back in place, he would hop into the shower. Well, maybe not 'hop,' seeing as how his mobility was still severely compromised by two defective limbs. Strike that. He would _very cautiously_ climb into the shower and scrub away any signs that he had been outside of the lair. From there, he would waddle back into his laboratory and put his arm back in his sling. At that point, he would officially be in the clear. His brothers would come home from patrol and find him steadfastly plugging away at something in his lab. They wouldn't suspect a thing. Heck, if time permitted – which he was fairly confident it would – he would even try to get halfway through a game of solitaire on his computer to further corroborate the illusion that he had been tucked away in his lab all night like a good little turtle.

The plan was foolproof. And why shouldn't it have been? He was a genius, after all.

Donnie smirked yet again, quite pleased that he had pulled off his plan with hardly a snag. Granted, he had only succeeded in installing one new camera, but with just a forty-five minute time frame to work with, installing four cameras had been an unfeasible stretch goal. The average turtle, or human, for that matter, would never have been able to mount and connect a camera in the small window of opportunity that Donnie had done it in.

 _Who's useless now, huh?_ The brainy turtle thought smugly, doing a mental fist pump as he continued to lurch along the sewer tunnels towards his destination, unintentionally moving in time with the rhythm of the steady dripping sounds resounding throughout the murky corridors.

Drip-drop-drip-drop-drip-drop . . .

Crutch-shuffle-step-crutch-shuffle-step . . .

Drip-crutch-drop-shuffle-drip-step-drop-shuffle-splash . . .

 _Splash_?

Donatello looked down at his feet to verify that they were still on dry ground. They were. He then craned his neck to inspect the duffle bag still slung over his shoulder to make sure that nothing had fallen out. Nothing had. It was still zipped up tight.

A nauseous feeling began to swell in the pit of his gut.

The splash had not come from him.

Stopping in his tracks, Donnie leaned stock-still against the concave sewer wall and listened attentively for any additional nonconforming noises to sound out. He held his breath tightly, keeping all six of his fingers crossed that something had simply fallen down a storm drain, but it couldn't be that easy.

It _never_ was that easy.

The unmistakable splashing noise came again and the genius turtle instantly recognized it as the sound of water sloshing away from someone's feet, but not just one person's feet. There were several sets of footsteps drawing near.

 _Brothers_ . . .

 _Oh man! They're gonna kill me_ . . .

But even geniuses could be wrong sometimes.

Had Donatello listened a little bit closer, he would've realized that there were more than three sets of footsteps coming towards him . . .

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: O~O**_

 _ **You all seemed to be quite nervous about Donnie's plan. Well, you were right. So who do you think the footsteps belong to?**_

 _ **I hope you found the chapter both 'funspensy' and 'sufunsful.' Or maybe even some other form of suspense and fun mixed together.**_

 _ **As for my favorite scene in this chapter, it was the text exchange between Donnie and Leo. I giggle every time I read that part because I love it when Donnie's sarcastic side comes out.**_

 _ **Just an FYI . . . I'm not sure if I will be posting an update next week or not. We'll see how real life pans out.**_

 _ **As always, please take a moment to send me a favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'LITF' if you like it. I truly would love to know if you are enjoying my story.**_

 _ **Thanks for reading, my friends! ;) CJ**_


	35. Chapter 35 - Should'ves

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's the latest chapter of 'Lost in the Fight' and this one's a bit of a roller coaster ride. It contains angst, humor, yelling, cuteness, suspense, Donnie drama, Mikey antics, Raph rage, Leo anxiety – lots of good stuff. XD**_

 _ **I really can't thank all of you enough for the tremendous support you have given me and for the overwhelming kindness you have shown me. I am truly blessed to have so many amazing readers and friends. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. 8}**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy the chapter . . . ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 35 – Should'ves**

"Donnie! You better have one shelluva good excuse for not answering us!" The words cut through the air like the sharpest of knives as a very angry Hamato Raphael vaulted over a turnstile and leapt down the set of stairs that immediately followed. He then veered left and headed straight for his genius brother's laboratory. His other two brothers were right on his tail, just as panicked as he was, but not quite as vocal about it.

Raph slid the lab doors open and stormed inside, not even bothering to knock before entering. He was mad enough to skip such formalities. Besides, he figured his yelling was adequate notification that he was approaching.

Donnie's three brothers were understandably tense.

All the way back to the lair, they had passed the time by randomly pointing out possible explanations for why Donnie hadn't answered them, including such gems as:

" _His phone must not be working."_

" _He's probably so caught up with one of his projects, he just didn't hear our texts or calls."_

" _It could be that he's taking a long, hot bubble bath."_

" _Or he could've invented something that locked him in the garage again."_

" _Maybe he just went to bed."_

Then, there was Mikey's personal favorite contribution that he had made to the list . . .

" _OOOOOOH! Maybe he's watching MTV and learning how to 'Dougie!'"_

That one had earned him a slap to the back of the head.

Of course, all of them had just been spouting off guesses because they didn't want to actually admit that they were scared to death that something bad had happened to their genius brother. It wasn't like Donnie to not answer his T-phone. They all knew what had happened the last time he hadn't responded to their calls . . .

"Donnie! Where the heck are you?" What little was left of Raph's patience had just run dry and his now overwhelming sense of rage was impairing his capabilities of thinking straight. He needed to hit something and he needed to hit it _hard_. He stomped around the laboratory, hunting for both his brother and something to slam his fists into.

"I'll go check the rest of the lair." The unusual somberness of Mikey's tone revealed that something was weighing heavily on his mind. Without waiting for his older brothers' authorization, he turned and hurried out of the lab to search the remainder of their home for his brainy big brother, calling out his name as he went.

"Donnie! Answer me right now or I'm gonna give you a serious beat down!"

Leonardo rolled his eyes, thinking how wholly inappropriate Raph threatening to beat down Donnie was after all that had happened. What if their genius brother was lying somewhere hurt? Just the thought made the oldest turtle feel like throwing up, but then again, Leo's stomach had been queasy ever since Mikey had told him that their wounded brother wasn't answering his texts.

The three turtles had been covertly spying on a few Purple Dragons from a rooftop in Chinatown when Mikey had broken the bad news. At that point, Donnie had neglected to respond to three of the youngest turtle's messages. Thinking maybe something was up with Mikey's T-phone, or perhaps Mikey himself, Leo had promptly fired off a text to his smartest brother, but no response had followed. That had gotten Leo moderately rattled, but when his injured brother had failed to answer his call, that was when the 'fearless' leader had practically gone into hysterics. While Leo 'had a freakin' cow' – as Raph had so eloquently put it – the hotheaded turtle had taken his turn at texting Donnie. Yet again, no response had followed. This had sent Mikey into a tizzy, and in his panic, he had sent the genius turtle two more texts. Still nothing. That was when they had decided to abandon their patrol for the night and rush back to the lair.

As they had scaled across the rooftops and sprinted through the New York City sewers in the direction of the lair, Leo had continued to dial Donnie's number over and over again. With each unanswered call, the blue-masked turtle's stomach condition had grown worse than before. The whole trip home, he hadn't been able to stop himself from thinking about possible worst-case scenarios. His mind kept reverting back to that awful night when Donnie had been critically injured. The night that they had come so close to losing him.

Their minds were all reverting back to that ill-fated night, but none more so than Leonardo's. He couldn't help but to worry that the Shredder may have somehow discovered the location of the lair. Master Splinter had warned Leo that Shredder would stop at nothing to get Donatello now that he knew the second youngest turtle was the brains of the operation. Perhaps Shredder had just been assiduously watching and waiting for an opportunity to strike, like a bloodthirsty predator stalking its prey. Maybe this whole time, he had just been standing by, waiting for the family to leave Donatello alone in the lair so that he and/or his followers could go after the genius turtle again. Just like they had done the night that Tiger Claw and Grizzgore had tried to take Donatello away from them.

 _What if we played right into Shredder's gauntlets?_ Leo asked himself.

 _We should've never left him alone . . ._

The sound of Raph growling and nearly ripping the garage door off its tracks snapped Leo out his dark thoughts. Turning his gaze towards the now open door, Leonardo watched on silently as his temperamental brother stormed into the garage with his fists clenched at his sides. The turtle in blue was sure if someone dared to dump a bucket of cold water over Raph right now, steam would literally rise off him. Of course, Leo pitied anyone stupid enough to dump a bucket of water over Raph. The hotheaded turtle would kill them where they stood . . .

Even on a good day, Raphael was a turtle not to be messed with, but the Raphael currently standing before Leo was teetering on the edge of sanity. All the muscles in the volatile turtle's body were corded with tension and every vein he had was about to burst from the fury now coursing through him. Raph didn't deal with stress all that constructively. Mostly, he just broke things.

Leo entered the garage with cautious steps, making sure to keep a safe distance between himself and his unstable sibling. The oldest turtle had no desire to be the thing that Raph broke.

"DONNIE! Get your scrawny shell out here!"

It was painfully obvious that Raphael was struggling through some anger management issues and was in major need of a timeout, but Leo didn't dare suggest this course of action, as he was quite confident that his immediate younger brother would crack his shell open like he was a walnut.

"DONATELLO!" Though Leonardo called out his missing brother's name with far less anger than Raph had, his voice had carried just as much force and volume behind it.

The red-masked turtle wasn't the only one on the verge of panic. Every second that ticked by that they didn't find Donnie was another hour or two off Leo's life expectancy. He could feel his chest constricting with anxiety.

Several minutes of silent searching went by before the sound of their baby brother reentering the lab almost made Leo and Raph jump right out of their shells.

"Guys! I couldn't find him! Did you have any luck?" When his two oldest brothers failed to answer his very simple question, Mikey took their lack of response as a 'no.'

The youngest turtle got an icky feeling in the pit of his gut, sort of like that time he had chugged down an entire carton of milk to get rid of the wicked bad taste in his mouth after eating that highly-experimental 'see-food' pizza he had made. Raph had bet him that he couldn't eat the entire pizza in less than ten minutes. Eight minutes and forty-three seconds later, Mikey had won the bet. Unfortunately, about eleven minutes and one quart of milk later, Mikey had started blowing chunks like a boss. This went on for three hours straight, but it had been soooooooo worth it. Once Mikey had been able to stand upright again, Raph had had to hand over his latest issue of 'Corps Cadavres' as promised.

 _Good times, good times_ . . .

Mikey steepled his fingers together as his round face twisted into an impish grin, but his expression soon changed into a grimace when it dawned on him that he had totally lost his train of thought. He was supposed to be looking for his missing brother, not taking a stroll down memory lane.

 _Come on, dude. Get your head in the game!_

Plopping down onto Donnie's blue task chair, Mikey reached for the mouse and jostled it to wake up his big brother's computer. He was hoping that Donnie had left some evidence behind on his desktop screen that might lead them to his whereabouts.

Unfortunately, the genius turtle hadn't left anything open on his computer desktop. However, he had left something on his 'desk' desktop.

"Uh, guys!" Mikey called out to his two oldest brothers. When they didn't respond in less than three seconds, he tried once again to get their attention. This time, he went about it in much louder fashion. "GUYS!"

Hearing the distress in Mikey's voice, Leo and Raph came running back into the lab, nearly tripping over each other in the process. The two oldest turtles spotted Mikey sitting at Donnie's desk and quickly made their way over to their youngest brother.

Once he had his brothers' attention, Mikey nervously pointed at the items he had noticed on the desk.

As soon as Raph saw the T-phone and sling lying on top of Donatello's desk, he finally lost all control. Letting out a guttural roar, the hotheaded turtle started propelling his fists into whatever objects in the lab were unfortunate enough to be in his path. First, he punched the desk a few times, followed by Donnie's Turtle (Testudines) poster on the wall, and then, he began to pummel a nearby gas cylinder, which really didn't seem to Leo like the safest thing in the lab to be clobbering.

 _Yeah, because blowing us all to Kingdom come is going to help Donnie_ . . . Leo groaned in his head.

Luckily, Raph soon moved onto trying to break through the concrete walls with his knuckles, saving Leo from having to voice his concerns about the consequences of pounding on an explosive container.

Just as the turtle in red was about to slam his now bruised hands into a defenseless sewer pipe, a pair of muscular arms wrapped around him from behind and impeded his intended act of violence. Raph grunted in disgust, trying to shake off the arms, but they only gripped him tighter.

"Raph . . . it's okay, bro. I'm super worried about him, too." Mikey held onto his second oldest brother with all his might until he could finally feel him start to relax in his grasp. Raph then dropped his head down and enclosed one of his hands around Mikey's forearm, squeezing it firmly. It was probably the closest to a hug Mikey was going to get out of his temperamental brother, so he just stayed perfectly still, afraid if he did anything else, he would somehow ruin the moment.

"I can't go through this again. I can't lose him. I . . . I just can't." Although Raph's voice had started off strong, it ended in a whisper. He then pressed the fingertips of his free hand into his eye sockets to staunch the tears he didn't want his brothers to see.

In an attempt to keep his own composure in check, Leonardo shifted his eyes away from his two younger brothers so he could do a visual scan of the laboratory in search of clues. At first glance, nothing appeared to be out of place, but a second glance around the lab revealed that there were, in fact, several items not where they should be. They were missing to be exact.

"Guys, I think I know where Donnie went."

"What? Where?" Raph gasped out, nearly choking on his words as he rather abruptly shrugged Mikey off him. Apparently, the brief moment of brotherly fluff was over and done with and the red-clad turtle was now back to his highly aggressive self.

"His duffle bag is missing and so are those cameras that were sitting on his table. I think he's out working on the lair's security system."

"But why would he go off without leaving a note . . . or without his T-phone or his sling?"

"I don't know, Mikey, but when I find him, he's gonna need a sling for the other arm!" Raph snarled, marching out of the lab. He had a brother to yell at, and for once, it wasn't Mikey or Leo.

* * *

It was getting harder and harder to hear the footsteps coming closer over the deafening pounding of his heart. He felt his throat narrow in anxiety and his body had broken out into a cold sweat.

 _Think of something, genius!_

Summoning forth the compromised remains of his mental faculties, he quickly filtered through the host of excuses for why he had left the lair. Dozens of reasons swam through his head, none of which were plausible enough to get him out of trouble. Unless the lair had miraculously burned to the ground while he had been out, no excuse he could fabricate for his little excursion would be able to save his shell. His brothers were going to be beyond furious with him.

 _Of course they had to pick tonight to come home early . . ._

Donatello sighed and momentarily rested the back of his head against the concrete tunnel wall.

At least he had gotten one more taste of freedom before he was grounded for life.

 _And you're supposed to be the smart one . . ._

The sound of splashing growing nearer pulled him out of his derogatory thoughts so he could better focus on his impending doom.

He lifted his head back up and attentively listened for the unique nuances in his brothers' footfalls, trying to figure out which order they were travelling in so he knew who would tear into him first. Would it be his oldest brother leading the way? Or had Mikey and Leo stepped aside and allowed Raph to take the front, knowing that if they didn't, he'd eventually just shove them out of the way in order to get to his primary target?

 _Well, if there's a bright side to all of this, I guess it's that Raph beating the crap out of me will be a nice change of pace from the whole condescending patting thing_ , Donatello thought, keeping himself bitterly optimistic. As he sought out the silver lining in the situation, he continued listening to the approaching footsteps.

The problem was, he didn't hear the subtle differences that he should have if it was in fact his brothers drawing near. None of the footsteps were slapping down noticeably harder than the others – indicating Raph and/or Mikey – nor was one set of footsteps significantly quieter and nimble – indicating Leo.

That's when the genius turtle realized that there wasn't anything that made the footsteps distinctive from one another, the way they would have been if it was his three brothers moving towards him. That's when the genius turtle finally realized it wasn't his brothers.

For a moment, Donnie felt an impetuous sense of relief wash over him now that he knew his brothers hadn't uncovered the truth, but it didn't take long for his extraordinary brain to rise to the occasion and inform him that this new revelation wasn't necessarily a _good_ thing. If there were enemies closing in on his position, he wasn't going to stand much of a chance against them with only one functional arm and leg.

 _Oh, and don't forget the fact that you decided to go off on your own with no weapon and no way of contacting your brothers! Way to think things through, genius_!

He bit back a growl that was just itching to come out, figuring it was probably more crucial at this point to keep his presence a secret than to growl in spite of himself.

After a second or two of deliberation, he decided that his current best course of action would be to get out of sight as soon as turtley possible. He quickly began to inspect the underground tunnel for potential escape routes or hiding spaces.

There was no visible manhole cover or access to the surface in close proximity, so he instantly ruled out fleeing topside. However, he did spy a cut across tunnel a little ways from where he stood. He was pretty sure that tunnel led to a wider area of the sewers that, if memory served him correctly, contained a series of overhead drainage pipes. If he was indeed correct in his assumption, that meant that the area the cut across led to had at least two large pipes suspended from above – separate pipes for waste and storm water. Those pipes could provide him with some much-needed coverage, and perhaps keep him concealed from whoever was down there with him in the sewers. Of course, if whoever it was had the sense to just look up, the genius turtle would essentially be a sitting duck . . .

 _Well, technically, I guess I'd be a sitting turtle_ , Donnie corrected his own thoughts, not-so cleverly tweaking the old idiom to suit his purposes and circumstances.

 _Let's just hope that they don't look up . . ._

A nervous grimace passed over Donatello's features.

Granted, it wasn't the greatest plan he'd ever come up with, but it wasn't like he had a myriad of other alternatives to pick and choose from. He could count his viable choices on one hand, give or take a few fingers.

Utilizing the pipes was his best option.

Taking in a deep breath, he tried to clear his head. He knew that maintaining his focus was of the utmost criticality here. Especially since shifting into full-on ninja stealth mode was not exactly within the realm of possibility given his present physical condition. He couldn't run. He could barely walk. He couldn't exactly fight. All he had about him were his wits, his crutch, and his duffle bag. He certainly wasn't liking his odds. It was time to get out of dodge.

For time's sake, Donnie decided to forgo using his crutch. While it was not ideal to be putting weight on his broken leg, walking without the crutch would allow him more mobility in the event that he had to defend himself. Plus, he could use the crutch as a weapon if need be.

Gritting his teeth through the pain, the injured turtle managed to make his way to the cut across with hardly a sound.

Once inside of the cut across tunnel, his curiosity got the better of him. He slowly poked his head back out into the tunnel he had just left to see if anyone was following him. He shuddered at what he saw and quickly shrunk back inside of the cut across before he could be spotted.

There were Foot-bots tracking him. Four of them to be exact.

 _Can't I ever catch a break? Is that too much to ask?_

Donnie cringed. Perhaps a 'break' was not the best thing to be asking for right about now.

 _It just_ _ **had**_ _to be Foot-bots . . ._

If it would have been regular Foot Soldiers after him, the injured turtle may have had a remote chance of taking them out, but Foot-bots were far more skillful and advanced than Shredder's human followers. The Foot-bots had been specially developed by the Kraang for Shredder. The ninja robots had the capability of adapting to any move they observed within a matter of seconds.

 _Aw, sewer pickles!_

As quickly and silently as his feet would take him, Donatello half-staggered/half-skipped along the narrow passageway. The sooner he got to the overhead pipes section on the other side of the cut across he was in, the more time he would have to formulate some sort of a plan.

Donnie held back a sigh.

There were some days it just wasn't worth getting out of the bed that he rarely slept in.

This was one of those days.

He should've just stayed home . . .

* * *

Not long after embarking on their search and rescue mission that Mikey had aptly dubbed 'Operation: Don Gone,' Leonardo had elected to split the recovery team up. Not just because he had wanted to cover more territory, but also because he had been trying to protect his youngest brother from their shortest-tempered sibling. For some reason, Mikey hadn't been able to stop himself from humming the 'Mission: Impossible' theme song and it had clearly been grating on Raph's nerves. There was no doubt in Leo's mind that his hotheaded brother had been on the brink of beating Mikey into unconsciousness with the first blunt object he could lay his hands on.

And so, for Mikey's own good and Raph's own sanity, Leo had exercised his leadership privileges and sent his red and orange clad brothers in opposite directions. At the present time, Mikey was off wandering the west tunnels while Raph was out scouting around the east ones. Leo had hesitantly sent their only sketch of the security camera locations with Mikey, figuring the youngest turtle was the most likely to get lost and require the map. On the other hand, Mikey was also the most likely to get distracted and fold the map up into a giant paper airplane just for his own amusement . . .

In retrospect, Leo probably should have sent Donnie's remarkably detailed, hand-drawn diagram with Raph. Especially in light of the fact that Raph was the one who knew the least about the intricate security system their brilliant brother had so meticulously designed. That's because the temperamental turtle had never actually bothered to go out and help Donnie with the security system like Leo and Mikey had done on numerous occasions. Whenever his brainiac brother would ask him for assistance with any of his technological stuff, Raph would always make no bones about his lack of interest in what Donnie did. In due time, the genius turtle had just given up on asking.

Now, as Raph meandered through the east tunnels in search of his wounded brother, he felt a twinge of regret burning in his gut. Maybe if he would've paid more attention to Donnie instead of harshly shooting him down or making fun of him every time he asked him for help with something, Raph might have had some idea where the security cameras were located.

Twisting his face into a grimace, the second oldest turtle thought about all the times he had spent loafing on the couch or the beanbag chair watching TV, reading a comic book or some magazine, playing games, or hanging out in his room while he could've been lending his smartest brother a hand. A lot of those times, he had convinced himself that _his_ things were way more important than some boring thing Donnie was doing.

 _Some boring thing Donnie was doing to help us . . ._

For the first time in a long time, Raph tried to wrap his head around what it must have felt like to be his brainy little brother – overworked, overstressed, overtired, and worst of all, underappreciated. While the rest of them were unwinding with their various hobbies or vegging out in front of the television set, Donnie was slaving away on some project, pushing himself well past his limits. Donnie was always working his shell off for his family and he rarely asked any of them for help. And it was no wonder why he didn't ask his brothers for help. Whenever he did, they usually came up with some sort of flimsy excuse to get out of it, such as they had to do their katas (Leo's go-to excuse), they had promised Casey they'd check out some suspicious Foot activity on the docks (Raph's), or they had to wash their shell, and then, take a nap (Mikey's).

Yes, they all had an incredible knack for weaseling out of helping Donnie. Raph was the guiltiest of them all, with Mikey coming in a close second. The youngest turtle wasn't as quick to flat-out say 'no' as his red-masked brother was, but unless the task Donnie was asking for assistance with involved reading a comic book, skateboarding, or playing a video/arcade/pinball/handheld/board/card/role playing game, Mikey's attention span was deficient at best and he was quick to turn into more of a nuisance than a helper. This typically resulted in him botching up important experiments or breaking things, which in turn, made even more work for the genius turtle, because he would have to clean up the mess his baby brother had made. In other words, Donnie would have been better off if Mikey would have just said 'no' in the first place, like Raph.

 _See? I'm just doing Donnie Boy a favor by saying no all the time . . ._ Raph winced at his own thoughts, knowing darn well that purposely ignoring his own little brother could never be misconstrued as admirable behavior. Now, all those years of emotional abuse and neglect had finally caused Donnie to shut them out.

They had pushed him away . . .

Even Sensei's pet, Leonardo, was guilty of mistreating their smartest brother. The 'golden turtle' had certain things that consistently took precedence over Donatello's projects. The leader in blue could be just as self-centered as the rest of them – if not more. He could avoid the genius turtle like a pro. He was just more subtle about it. He was always asking Donnie how things were going, but rarely offered his actual assistance. Heaven forbid Leo tear himself away from training or watching 'Space Heroes' for a few minutes to help Donatello work on the inventions/devices that they had all come to rely on. The ones that were constantly saving their shells . . .

No, Leo wasn't nearly as perfect as he thought he was – or at least not as perfect as _Raph_ thought Leo thought he was.

 _Fearless can be just as big of a jerk as me sometimes . . ._

The corners of Raph's mouth coiled upwards into a sneer. For some reason, convincing himself that Leo was equally at fault for traumatizing their younger brother made Raph feel slightly better, but only for a fleeting moment. He then realized that he was being totally selfish. He shouldn't have been obsessing over the fact that his pompous older brother had screwed up. What he should have been obsessing over was the fact that he himself had screwed up. He had hurt Donnie. He had pushed his brainiac brother away, over and over again.

 _Aw, Donnie, who the heck am I kidding? I should've paid more attention to you, little brother._

Remorse hit Raph, hard.

Disgusted with himself for cruelly overlooking that Donnie had feelings and those feelings were a lot easier to hurt than his own, Raph shook his head from side to side. The need to locate his missing brother was suddenly far more pressing than before. Not just because he was feeling guilty for his actions, but also because his nerves were starting to get the better of him.

The turtle in red may not have been an expert on the security system, but he did know that the further he ventured away from the lair, the more likely he was getting out of security camera range.

 _What if Leo's assumption that Donnie was just out working on the cameras was wrong?_

As much as Raph loved it when his older brother was wrong about something, this was one time he desperately wanted Leo to be right. Because if Leo was wrong, that meant they didn't have any clue where Donnie was.

Flashbacks of their futile search of the junkyard the night that Donnie had been captured began replaying in Raph's head. And just like that awful night, the hotheaded turtle once again found himself thinking someone should have found Donnie by now.

The trembling tingle of panic was starting to set in and Raph consequently quickened his pace to coincide with his accelerating heart rate. He resisted the compelling urge to call out his brainiac brother's name, wanting to retain the element of surprise until he knew just what he was dealing with.

Raph's fierce, green eyes were in the midst of searching the dimly lit, curved passageway of the sewer that stretched out before him when he heard something in the distance. He instinctively ceased his forward momentum and latched onto the hilts of his sais while he continued to listen to the strange noise.

It sounded like some kind of an alarm, or maybe a timer going off, which threw Raph for bit of a loop. It wasn't your typical sewer background noise. It sounded more like a Donnie-thing, which came as a slight relief, but the red-banded turtle didn't let his guard down. Not until he found his missing brother.

Keeping his sais out and ready, Raph cautiously began moving in the direction of the faint, high-pitched noises that were coming in a pattern of three beeps, followed by a moment of silence, and then, the cycle would repeat itself.

 _Beep – Beep – Beep . . . Beep – Beep – Beep . . ._

Just when Raph was starting to get seriously annoyed with the whole beeping thing, there came another sound. This one seemingly shook the ground and temporarily rendered the hotheaded turtle deaf, not to mention it almost gave him a heart attack. Once he recovered from the initial shock, Raph broke into an all-out sprint towards the noise still ringing in his ear slits. It had been far more frightening than the beeping noise he had heard before. It had sounded like an –

 _Explosion!_

 _DONNIE!_

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I know, I know, another cliffhanger . . . Sorry. Please don't be mad at me.**_

 _ **Just so everyone knows ahead of time, I won't be posting an update for 'Lost in the Fight' next week or possibly the week after. I have a few side projects I'm working on that I would like to get wrapped up next week. Plus, the week after that, my husband and son are going to be out of town for several days, so I get to spend some quality time with my little girl. But don't lose all hope. My munchkin does like to help her mommy edit sometimes. We shall see what she has planned . . . C=**_

 _ **If you are enjoying this story, or any of my other stories, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment. It's always much-appreciated and I would really love to know if people are still reading. Thank you very, very much. ;) CJ**_


	36. Chapter 36 - Big Bang Theory

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Special Note: A huge thanks to my wonderful friend, Flaux, for providing the amazing new cover art for 'Lost in the Fight.' It turned out absolutely perfect! **_

_***Author's Notes: Chapter 36 of 'Lost in the Fight' is finally ready and this one's action-packed. So sorry for the long wait. Life kind of got in the way. ;)**_

 _ **Before jumping into the chapter, I want to take a moment to thank everyone for reading, favoriting, following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on my stories. Also, thank you to everyone who nominated and voted for my stories in the 2016 TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition. It was truly an honor to be listed amongst so many incredibly talented writers/artists out there. Congratulations to all the nominees and winners and thank you so much to everyone who helped organize the competition. I must admit I'm still completely blown away by the results. I never expected to be nominated, let alone win in multiple categories. Wow! I don't even know what to say. There are no words to properly express my gratitude or explain what this means to me. I am so very grateful for the tremendous support everyone has given me. You are all wonderful.**_

 _ **Okay, let's get onto the story before I completely lose it here . . . 8'} CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 36 – Big Bang Theory**

In all honesty, Donatello was feeling a lot more like a gutless fraidy-cat than an accomplished ninja turtle.

As much as he could use his brothers' help right about now, he was glad they weren't there to witness his current predicament, because he was pretty sure he would die of embarrassment.

The genius turtle was presently straddled over two horizontal pipes suspended from the top of the sewer tunnel, hiding from his enemies like a coward. He had used a conveniently placed sewer valve hand wheel to help him climb up on top of the pipes, which were effectively keeping him out of sight.

While Donnie kept both eyes glued on his enemies, he tried his best to disregard the painful throbbing sensation in his fractured leg that was pressed up against the pipe below him. He was also trying hard not to pay attention to how exceedingly corroded the metal brackets supporting the bulky cast iron pipes were. Even though he had lost a bunch of weight recently, he still didn't feel all that warm and fuzzy about the rusty pipes' capability of supporting him.

 _Pipes don't fail me now . . ._

If the sewer pipes he was on were to come crashing down, Donnie could only hope that they would successfully take out the four armed Foot-bots currently standing underneath him. Because if the pipes _did_ give way, it was highly probable that he would be in no condition to put up any kind of fight at all. Not after the heavy metal pipes broke his fall, as well as multiple bones, and possibly his shell . . .

Out of nervous habit, Donnie gnawed on his bottom lip while his eyes followed the Foot-bots' every movement. He was carefully assessing the situation and cerebrally developing a crisis management plan. The genius turtle had already taken mental note that two of the robotic soldiers were packing a mace and a katana, whereas the other pair were wielding a kama and a buzz saw. And those were just the weapons that Donatello could see from his vantage point. He was willing to bet that they were toting a lovely assortment of hidden weapons and objects to boot.

 _Perhaps some tantos, a few throwing knives, or maybe even a jitte or two . . . Ooh, and a set of caltrops would be nice. I haven't been tripped up by something like that for a while . . ._ Donnie thought sarcastically, attempting to maintain a somewhat upbeat attitude in the face of his prospective demise. It had been said that the power of positive thinking could ward off stress. He was really hoping it could ward off ever-upgrading ninja robots as well.

Logically, the brainiac turtle knew he was not the hands-down favorite to win this battle if he and the Foot-bots were to come to blows. After all, he was injured and had neglected to bring a weapon to this little get-together. His opponents, conversely, were all tuned up and armed to the teeth. But Donnie wasn't about to let something like logic, odds, and excessive weaponry stop him from at least trying. He had brains on his side and he knew that hand-to-hand – or in this case hand-to-Foot – combat was not the only way to win a battle.

A beeping sound rang out, immediately capturing the attention of everyone within hearing range. It was just the cue Donnie had been waiting for.

It was time to put his plan to the test.

As the repetitive sounds of his digital timer echoed down the sewer tunnel, Donnie watched his enemies approach the duffle bag that he had purposely left on the ground over a dozen feet away from his current position. He couldn't help but to smirk to himself, knowing that his enemies were falling for one of the oldest tricks in the book, just as he had predicted they would.

 _Thank Darwin's beard that common sense can't be taught . . ._

The genius turtle knew that the bonus of engaging in a battle with robots was just that . . . they were robots. Artificial intelligence, though intelligent by namesake, was beautifully imperfect and skillfully stupid. The whole purpose driving the science of artificial intelligence was to develop computers that simulated actual intelligence, but Donatello was well aware that this endeavor was integrally flawed by nature. Humans, with their intrinsic singularities, were entirely too unpredictable to truly carbon copy. No machine could ever accurately replicate the human thought process, nor could a machine – or a ninja robot in this working example – be programmed to recognize an obvious trap when they saw one.

While Donnie kept a close eye on the Foot-bots now looming over his beeping duffle bag, he quietly dropped down onto the ground about fifteen feet behind them. Any sound he inadvertently made was completely drowned out by the blaring timer, just as the brilliant turtle had planned.

In Donatello's hand he clutched a light bulb that he had plucked from the sewer tunnel wall just before climbing up onto the overhead pipes. Around the base of the light bulb were a dozen wooden matchsticks secured in place by some extra wiring he had had in his duffle bag.

With the Foot-bots' backs still facing him, Donnie picked up the small chunk of concrete he had strategically placed on a dry surface underneath the pipes that he had been perched on. Carefully but firmly grasping the top of the light bulb, he proceeded to strike each of the twelve matches as quickly as possible. Once all of the matches were ablaze, the genius turtle extended his good arm back. He paused for a split second to say a little prayer that his aim would be true, and then, released the overhand pitch, delivering a perfect strike into his duffle bag on the ground in front of the robots. Just as Donnie had hoped, the light bulb flew straight between the legs of two of the middle Foot-bots and shattered against his bag.

Then came the boom . . .

Having been a witness/instigator of dozens of explosions in his lifetime, Donnie had a pretty good idea just what to expect. He heard the telltale 'woof' sound that typically accompanied a combustible explosion. He then braced himself for the jolting force he knew would release from the chemical reaction he had just created. Despite being fifteen feet away from the epicenter of the explosion, the genius turtle was still thrown some five feet back by the subsequent blast wind, landing awkwardly on his carapace.

From a molecular standpoint, the explosion was glorious. Well, at least what he could see of it was. His eyes were a bit hazy from the billowing smoke all around him, so it was a little difficult to see the full effect of his handiwork.

From a physical standpoint, the explosion hurt . . . a lot. The blunt force trauma was noticeably worse than he had anticipated. Hence the reason he was still splayed out on the ground.

As his vision slowly came back into focus, Donnie's first reaction was to clutch his side. He was fairly certain he had gotten nailed in the abdomen with a piece of flying debris from the blast, but he chose to ignore the pain. Right now, all he was concerned about was how well his plan had turned out.

Pushing himself up off the ground, Donnie shifted his eyes to where his duffle bag laid. He failed to stifle a coughing fit brought on by the smoke and dust particles floating around him. When he was finally able to stop choking on the dirty air that continued to fill his still vulnerable lungs, he approached the carnage he had caused and his eyes grew wide with wonder.

"Holy mackerel! It actually worked!"

Mouth falling open in shock, Donnie gaped at the four downed Foot-bots. The bodies of the two robots that had been closest to the core of the blast had been flung approximately ten feet away from the explosion. They were still burning brightly, with their black attire serving as kindling. Every so often, pink sparks would shoot up from underneath their charred and carbonized outer casings. What was once shiny and new was now singed beyond recognition. The other two Foot-bots that had been on the outskirts of the explosion were also down, but they weren't nearly as fried as the middle two robots, nor had they been hurled quite as far away from the blast. Not that it mattered a whole lot. All that really mattered was that they, too, weren't moving.

The plan had worked.

Donatello took a few steps backwards and held an arm up to shield himself from the extreme heat still exuding from the fire. He cringed at the sight before him, but not on account of the scorched carcasses of the now-former Foot Clan members. His reaction was due to the shock of seeing the barbecued remains of his cherished duffle bag.

Just before climbing up onto the pipes, Donnie had made the rather difficult decision to turn his treasured duffle into a makeshift bomb. He had doused the bag and surrounding area with a nearly full bottle of rubbing alcohol, knowing the Foot-bots would not be able to detect the strong odor. After that, he had used several rubber bands and a couple of aerosol cans to fill the air with combustible gas. He then just had to wait for the right moment to throw the light bulb and lit matches at the duffle bag, knowing that the spark from the broken bulb and/or the flames from the matches would ignite the highly flammable isopropyl alcohol and the gaseous fumes, thus causing a chain reaction. To further assure that his strategy would work, he had set his digital timer to go off so as to draw the Foot-bots' attention to the loaded bag.

Everything had fallen into place. Unfortunately, his success had come at a price, but at least his duffle bag's sacrifice had not been in vain.

Donnie was seriously considering humming 'Taps,' but ultimately decided against it. He instead bowed his head down in respect. Again, he did so not for the Foot-bots, but for his duffle. He was really going to miss that bag.

After a drawn-out moment of silence, Donnie lifted his head up so he could finally stop and admire his achievement. The triumphant sight made him clench his fists in excitement.

 _I guess this gives a whole new meaning to one Foot in the grave . . ._

When he finished mentally amusing himself, it suddenly occurred to the genius turtle that there still might be enough time for him to make it back to the lair before his brothers returned from patrol. Maybe there was still a chance he could pull this whole thing off without his brothers knowing about it.

Putting a little more spring in his step, Donnie scurried away from the smoldering pile of Foot-bots.

Regrettably, turning his back to his enemies was just one of his many tactical errors of the evening.

Just as Donnie grabbed onto his crutch that he had leaned behind a vertical sewer pipe, something kicked him hard in the lower ribs and sent him staggering sideways. Somehow, the injured turtle managed to maintain his balance and stay on his feet, although he didn't earn any style points in doing so. He was about as graceful as a Biotroid.

Spinning around, Donatello discovered that not one, but two of the Foot-bots had survived the blast, although the one looked as though it had been literally raked over the coals about seventeen times. Its left arm appeared to be completely nonfunctional and half of its face was burned away, not to mention its whole body was kinked at an awkward angle in one of the worst displays of posture Donnie had ever seen.

While Donatello was temporarily distracted by the more mutilated Foot-bot, the other robot took a swing at the genius turtle with his mace. On the edge of his vision, Donnie caught a glimpse of movement and let out a high-pitched yelp as he ducked out of the way with only a half-second to spare. His eyes quickly surveyed the wall he had just been standing next to and saw that the mace that had been aimed at his head had taken several substantial hunks out of the concrete.

The mortified look on Donnie's face silently spoke the word 'Egad!'

Diving down to the ground, the purple-clad ninja temporarily set his crutch aside and seized hold of the first sharp object in his path. He leapt back up to his feet so that he was facing both Foot-bots, and then, swiftly embedded the shank of his slotted screwdriver into the more impaired robot's neck. The Foot-bot made a series of strange noises and looked as though it was malfunctioning. It was gyrating about, much the way that Mikey typically did when he was trying to dance. Donnie took this golden opportunity to snatch the kama away from the impaled robot.

Holding onto the kama handle with both of his hands, Donnie swung the blade forward like a baseball bat and sunk the confiscated weapon deep into the Foot-bot's chest, effectively incapacitating the ninja robot. Its eyes stopped glowing red and it toppled to the ground in a broken heap, sadly taking the kama down with him as he fell.

Donnie turned towards the other robot and let out a nervous little chuckle.

"Heh, heh. I don't suppose we could call it a draw?"

In response to Donatello's proposal, the lone remaining Foot-bot assumed an attack stance, readying his weapons to presumably make another attempt at taking the turtle's head off.

"Didn't think so."

With lightening fast speed, Donnie swept down and picked up his crutch, deftly twirling it up in front of him like it was a bo-staff. He placed his hands where he normally would have had it been his preferred weapon, with one palm up and one palm down. Disregarding his injured shoulder, leg, and even his side's vehement protests, Donnie took a long front stance, preparing to strike or defend as necessary. The crutch wasn't an ideal replacement for his bo-staff, but beggars can't be choosers.

Not feeling real upbeat about his chances of winning, Donnie found himself deliberating over whether it would be better to be struck down by a mace or a katana.

 _That is so not helping my self-confidence . . ._

Taking in as deep of a breath as he could, the wounded turtle forced himself to concentrate on this moment rather than what may or may not come to pass _._

The situation reminded him of something his father had once said to him . . .

" _Remember, the only way one can truly fail is if they do not try at all."_

With that thought in mind, the frontal lobe of the genius's brain began analyzing and calculating his alternatives.

Being that the Foot-bot was ambidextrous and Donnie had only one good arm to work with, the turtle in purple decided it was best to let his opponent make the first move. Theoretically, this would allow Donatello to block the incoming assault, and then, go for a quick strike in an effort to knock at least one of the weapons out of the robot's hands. Donnie knew that his odds would significantly improve if he didn't have weapons coming at him from both sides. Taking out the mace or katana would leave him less open to attack.

So Donatello stood his ground, waiting.

Suspense hung thick in the smoke-filled air. Time seemed to stand still as the turtle engaged in a staring match that he couldn't possibly win since Foot-bots weren't capable of blinking, but he didn't let that stop him from trying. While he continued to wait, Donnie got caught up his remorseful thoughts once again, finding himself seriously regretting a majority of the decisions he had made to lead up to this event.

As always, the vindictive voices in his head were right there with him.

" _You could have gotten yourself killed going after the Foot on your own like that."_

 _"It was a stupid move, Donatello. Stupid!"_

" _You let him take you out!"_

" _If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . "_

History was attempting to repeat itself. He couldn't let that happen.

Logic dictated that the genius turtle was going to lose this battle, but he had seen with his own two eyes that even something as sound as logic could be defied.

" _Remember, the only way one can truly fail is if they do not try at all."_

Just as he tightened his grip on his crutch, Donnie watched the katana finally come slashing forward, slicing towards his neck. Knowing that timing was everything here, the purple-masked turtle held out as long as he could. When the blade was about to breach his flesh, Donatello jutted his arm up and blocked what would have been a fatal finishing move. The edge of the sword cut into the wooden crutch, nearly chopping it in two. Ignoring the disconcerting fact that the crutch had barely stopped the deadly slice from the katana blade, Donnie instead focused on his next plan of attack. His other arm thrust forward, launching the opposite end of the crutch powerfully into the handle of the mace clasped in the Foot-bot's hand. The top of the crutch broke off and flew to the ground with a 'donk' sound. Much to Donnie's surprise – and relief – so did the mace.

The brainy turtle's eyes flicked down at the spiky ball of the dropped weapon for a moment, and then, his eyes shot back up at his own 'weapon.' One end of the peg-like crutch was still pinned underneath the katana of his enemy, but the other end was now busted and somewhat sharp. Donnie twisted the pinned end of his crutch to the side and drew the crutch back as far as he could. He then forcefully propelled the crutch forward with all of his might, plunging it close to where the Foot-bot's heart would have been if it had one.

The fault in Donnie's method of attack became clear all too instantly. The stabbing blow that was supposed to disrupt the robot's circuitry and shut it down did no such thing. What made matters worse, was now Donnie had both ends of his 'weapon' immobilized.

The Foot-bot used this opening to deliver a fierce kick to Donnie's stomach. It hurt a lot more than the average kick to the gut, but the intellectual turtle just chalked it up as a side effect of his prolonged period of inactivity. Regardless of the pain and the unpleasant sensation of getting the wind knocked out of him, Donatello held fast to his crutch, using it in a somewhat nontraditional way to remain standing. But he didn't remain standing for too much longer, because another swift kick to the gut sent him hurtling backwards into a wall. He crashed into the concrete, emitting an 'oof' as he hit. He then flopped down to the ground, plastron first.

Shaking the cobwebs out of his head, Donatello sluggishly pushed himself up into a sitting position only to see that the Foot-bot was now standing over him, about to stab him in the chest.

Obviously, the robot wanted a little payback.

 _Not good . . ._

Somehow, Donnie didn't think he'd fare quite as well with a sucking chest wound as the robot had earlier, but he didn't really have much of a choice in the matter since he currently had no way of defending himself against the incoming blade.

As the Foot-bot lunged forward, Donnie turned his head away and closed his eyes, not really knowing what else to do as the deathblow was issued.

 _I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry I was such a failure as a brother,_ was all Donnie could think of during his last moments.

And then, he felt nothing.

Well . . . he felt his usual aches and pains, but he didn't feel anything that felt like what he imagined being stabbed in the heart would feel like.

 _Maybe I died instantly . . ._

"Donnie?"

 _But if I'm dead, why can I still feel my other injuries?_

"Donnie!"

 _And why would Raph be yelling at me like that?_

"DONNIE! ARE YOU OKAY?"

 _And if I was lying here dead with a sword through my heart, why the heck would Raph be bothering with asking me if I'm okay? Wouldn't the answer to that question be quite obvious, even for Raph? I mean, if I'm dead, clearly I'm not okay._

 _And why does my shoulder hurt so bad all of a sudden?_

 _It . . . it almost feels like someone's trying to . . . trying to shake me out of my shell?_

 _Wait . . ._

"R – Raph?"

The genius turtle slowly pried his eyes open to see his second oldest brother leaning over him, shaking him vigorously by the shoulders. There was an unusually panicked expression on Raph's face.

Off to the side of the two turtles, there was a prone Foot-bot with one sai speared into its eye. Another sai could be seen sticking out of its chest, right next to where Donnie had stabbed the robot with his crutch.

"Ouch," Donnie's raspy voice croaked out, although he wasn't entirely sure if the word was on behalf of the exterminated Foot-bot or for the intense pain his brother was causing him by relentlessly manhandling his injured shoulder.

"Do you have any idea how much you freaked me out just now? If I would've been just a few seconds later, you wou – " Raph couldn't finish the morbid thought, still too flustered to think straight. The only reason he was still somewhat coherent was because he was running off the fumes of his anger. "Don't you _ever_ do that to me again! You hear me?"

Finally – and mercifully – Raph let up on the younger turtle's shoulders.

Donatello blinked a few times, still trying to process what exactly had just happened. He was having a difficult time catching his breath. He wasn't sure if that was due to the shock, a panic attack, or the prolonged smoke inhalation.

"Raph? How . . . how did you know I was out here?" As the smartest turtle wheezed out the words, he made no attempt to get up. For the moment, he was perfectly content to use the wall behind him for support. He was pretty sure his body was in no shape to stand at this point.

"We came back from patrol early because _**you**_ – " there was extra oomph put on the word 'you' and a stumpy finger was pointed towards Donnie's chest as Raph continued " – didn't answer your T-phone."

 _That figures! The one night I'm not eagerly waiting by the phone . . ._

"B – But how'd you know where to find me?" Feeling a serious headache coming on, Donnie rubbed his hand against his forehead. For some reason, he was starting to see spots in front of his eyes and things were getting noticeably dimmer.

 _Knowing my luck, I'm probably getting a migraine on top of everything else . . ._

Too caught up in his rant, Raph didn't even notice his brainiac brother was clutching his head.

"That's easy. I just followed the sound of the explosion. Explosions always seem to lead to you." The temperamental turtle let his tone soften a little, but the reprieve from yelling didn't last long. "What the shell are you doing out here? You're injured and you go off on your own without your phone or your weapon! Are you _trying_ to get yourself killed?"

As Raph raved on, Donnie noticed the words were getting quieter and quieter, but yet, his older brother looked just as riled up as before.

Something was wrong.

Before Donatello could say or do anything about it, his whole body went numb and his arms fell limply at his sides. It was as if someone had discovered he had a power switch and shut him off.

"Donnie? Donnie! What's wrong?" Again Raphael started with the shaking, but abruptly stopped. He then stared down at his little brother's side in horror.

The genius turtle could see Raph's mouth moving, but there was no sound. He then saw his older sibling grab his T-phone and start shouting something into it, but still, he heard nothing. Despite feeling lightheaded, Donnie's body suddenly felt like it had been weighted down with cinder blocks. His head flopped forward and he rested his chin against his chest. It was then that he saw what had Raph so upset.

There was something sticking out of his side, but Donatello had no time to assess just how bad the damage was. Unconsciousness was already claiming him.

Everything started to gray around the edges, and then, it all darkened to pitch black.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: How many cliffhangers in a row is that now? I've lost count. XD I do believe that is the last one in the story. Well, I guess that all depends on your definition of a cliffhanger . . . O_o**_

 _ **As always, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' if you are enjoying it. I have missed hearing from all of you during my absence, so I'm super excited to be back. *hugs***_

 _ **Thanks so much for reading, my friends. I adore all of you. CJ ;)**_


	37. Chapter 37 - Free as a Burden

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Here's chapter 37 of 'Lost in the Fight' and this is a real 'angsty' one.**_

 _ **I know I say this all the time, but thank you all so much for reading, favoriting, following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting on my stories. I truly do appreciate it. I really wish I could hug each and every one of you in person and tell you how much your support means to me, but that would probably be kind of awkward, huh? Just know that I am so very grateful to all of you. *virtual hugs***_

 _ **Thanks for putting up with me . . . =} CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 37 – Free as a Burden**

There were muffled words floating all around him, spoken in familiar tones, but in an unfamiliar dialect. It sounded as though his brothers had taken up another language – and quite fluently no less – but Donatello soon realized that his siblings were, in fact, speaking English. The reason the vocabulary had sounded so foreign to him was because his boggled brain was not able to translate the words yet, save for a few broken syllables.

". . . nie . . . "

". . . e's . . . ing . . . uh"

". . . Mi . . . geh . . . ph . . ."

". . . kay . . . o . . ."

As he attempted to pick apart the language, Donnie felt something gentle and soothing brush against his shoulder, but in an instant, it was gone. A hand, he guessed. It was too brief to know for certain. Curious to see who or what it had been, the wounded turtle forced his eyelids apart, only to discover that his eyes needed time to adjust, just like his brain. Everything was a complete blur, just like the last time he had passed out.

If getting injured and blacking out were a trend, Donnie was totally chic. Lately, he was to getting hurt and fading in and out of consciousness as Raph was to violent outbursts of anger and insulting –

 _Raph!_

The mere thought of Raphael made Donnie push himself into a bolt upright position, but he immediately felt a pair of hands on his chest, pressing him back down onto the – Actually, he wasn't really sure what he was being pressed down onto, since he didn't have a clue where he was yet.

Noticing his vision was staging a slow comeback, Donnie glanced over his surroundings.

It was the lair. His laboratory to be more precise. He was laid out on the infirmary cot with a blanket draped over him. The hands pushing him down belonged to his oldest brother.

"Not so fast, Donnie. You need to take it easy." The tone of Leo's voice was unnervingly resolute and firm. He continued to press down on his younger brother's chest until he felt Donnie's muscles slacken underneath his grip.

Once Donatello had settled back down onto the cot, Leo sat beside him on the mattress. The turtle in blue leaned as close to his little brother as possible, just in case the injured turtle got any crazy notions of trying to get up again.

"Wh – What happened? Where are Raph and Mikey?" Now that Donnie was finally able to see straight, he realized that Leo was the only one in the room with him. The next thing the genius turtle noticed was that his throat was unbelievably dry and scratchy, like he had swallowed sandpaper. This was no doubt a result of heavy smoke inhalation. He was in dire need of a glass of water, but he didn't dare make such a request for fear of initiating a verbal lashing over what he had done to irritate his throat in the first place.

Hindsight probably should've told him that he was going to get his shell chewed out either way.

"Mikey went to go find Raph and bring him home. Raph . . . he, uh . . . he took off after we got you patched up." The words were cold and flat as Leo temporarily shifted his gaze towards Donnie's abdomen.

Seeing the somber expression on his older brother's face, Donatello nervously lifted up the blanket that was covering him and stared down at the bandages affixed to his lower plastron.

"How bad was it?" Placing his hand over the stark white bandages, Donnie traced his fingertips along the tape securing the gauze in place. The dressing around the wound was about the size of a compact disc case.

"You had a two-and-a-half inch piece of thick, rusty metal buried in your side, Donatello. I don't know about you, but I would qualify that as really bad." With that said, Leo pressed his lips into a thin line, like he was trying to hold something back.

The lack of pleasantry in his big brother's voice was making Donnie even more uncomfortable than his wounds were. Actually, now that the brainy turtle had a moment to stop and think about it, none of his wounds were bothering him one little bit. He was guessing that meant his brothers had given him something to ease his discomfort. Either that or he was finally getting so used to being in agony all the time, he had lost his ability to discern pain from any other sensations.

Feeling himself starting to get sidetracked, Donnie focused his attention on his side once again.

"Fascinating. The blast wave from the explosion must have generated enough pressure that it propelled the piece of metal towards me at a highly accelerated rate and the concussive force embedded it into my plastron. It's actually what's called a secondary blast injury, but it's better known as a shrapnel wound." Instead of being disturbing by the injury like his brothers had been, Donnie sounded intrigued by it. He was talking about the incident like it was some sort of interesting experiment he had been conducting.

Leo shook his head in disbelief.

"Donatello, we had to remove a big hunk of metal from your side that came extremely close to causing serious internal damage! It could've easily killed you! Forgive me if I don't find it all that fascinating."

One look at Leonardo told Donnie that his oldest brother was trying desperately to rein in his anger, but it was pretty obvious that the leader was struggling to keep his rage at bay. That was probably because Donnie had given his brother so many reasons to be enraged with him.

" _You could have gotten yourself killed going after the Foot on your own like that. You know where there's one Foot, there's usually more lurking in the shadows. You could have been walking straight into a trap."_

 _"I expect that kind of reckless behavior from Raph, but not you. You're supposed to be the smart one."_

 _"What you did was incredibly dangerous and stupid, all right. Here I thought Mikey was the bonehead of the family."_

All of the unkind things that kept echoing inside of Donatello's head were constantly lending themselves to other applications and situations. It seemed like the hurtful phrases were relevant to every little screw up that he made.

 _Maybe that's because you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, shell brain!_

It was no wonder Leo was mad at him. Donnie had goofed up so many times now, he had lost count.

"No . . . No, I suppose you wouldn't given the circumstances." The genius turtle's voice trailed off guiltily as he got that sad puppy look in his eyes. It was a look that would normally soften Leonardo's disposition when he was ticked off about something, but not this time. The leader's face appeared to be locked in an eternal scowl, which caused Donnie to start shifting on the cot uneasily. He knew that scowl all too well.

"Listen, Leo, I'm really sorry. I know I messed up, _again_. I'm sure Raph was a total train wreck because of me." Not wanting his big brother to see the tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, Donnie turned his face away. In doing so, the wounded turtle's gaze fell upon the ugly scar on his shoulder. The mark was normally covered up by his sling, but right now, it was out in the open for all to see. Donnie couldn't stop himself from staring at the unsightly disfigurement.

It was a permanent reminder of his incompetence.

It was a permanent reminder that he was broken.

"Raph carried you all the way back to the lair. As you can imagine, he was pretty upset. By the time he got here, he could barely string a sentence together, let alone help me treat your wound. He was even more incoherent than Mikey, which is saying a lot. At least he managed to tell me what happened before he completely lost his ability to speak. You're lucky I was able to keep my head on straight or you would've bled to death." There was both bitterness and hurt lacing Leonardo's words.

After returning home with his unconscious little brother in tow, Raph had struggled to keep himself together while he watched Leo clean and stitch up the gaping hole in Donnie's side. As soon as his older brother had finished dressing the wound, the hotheaded turtle had let out a monstrous roar and stormed out of the lair. Mikey would have gone after his angry big brother right there and then if not for Leonardo telling him that Raphael just needed a little time alone to blow off some steam. It was the same thing Donnie had always told Leo when he wanted to chase down Raph after a heated argument.

Having heard the palpable disappointment in Leonardo's tone, Donnie's heart plummeted to the floor. He had let his family down, yet again, and his entire being was filled with remorse. Especially after what he had done to his immediate older brother.

Raphael may have acted all impenetrable and tough on the outside, but his brothers knew what a big softy he could be on the inside. They also knew that he cared for them very deeply, even if he would never willingly or openly admit to it. There was nothing he wouldn't do to protect any one of them from harm. Donnie distinctly remembered one time, when Raph was in charge of him and Mikey, just how badly the hothead had freaked out when their baby brother had gotten hurt. The genius turtle had never seen his temperamental sibling so shaken up or at such a loss for what to do. Raph had blamed himself for what had happened to Mikey, even more so than Leo did whenever something bad happened to one of them when he was in charge. Raphael had been an absolute mess that day. Donnie just hoped that his big brother wasn't out there somewhere blaming himself for what had happened to him, just like he had when Mikey had gotten injured. The brainy turtle couldn't stand the thought of Raph hurting because of his foolish decision to go off alone.

Before Donnie could mentally criticize himself any further, his oldest brother's voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

"He's been gone for about an hour now." Though Leonardo had not been deliberately trying to make Donnie feel even worse than he already did, that's just what the blue-masked turtle had done. Then, Leo went and added, "At least he took his T-phone with him." This statement, unlike the previous one, was fully intended to make Donnie feel even worse than he already did. The obvious jab to the smartest turtle's lack of common sense was the verbal equivalent of kicking someone when they were down on all fours, crawling in the depths of despair.

"I . . . I'm sorry, Leo." Unable to bring himself to look at his big brother, Donatello's reddish-brown eyes continued to stare at his wounded shoulder.

A full minute passed before either of the turtles spoke again, both futilely looking for the right words to say. Leo was worried about pushing Donnie away. Donnie was worried about letting Leo in.

Finally, it was the older turtle who spoke.

"Donnie, what you did tonight . . . it was – " Pausing for a moment to think, Leonardo struggled to find a suitable adjective. Donatello recognized this and was quick to provide assistance.

"I believe the word you're looking for is stupid. Am I right?" The response made Leo flinch and his expression turned grave.

Donnie clumsily pushed himself up into a sitting position, and to his surprise, his brother didn't make any attempt to stop him, nor did he try to help him sit up.

It was a sure-fire sign that something was weighing heavily on Leo's mind.

"Donatello, you're anything but stupid. I'm just trying to understand why you did what you did after everything that's happened." As Leo spoke, he reached out and placed a hand atop his younger sibling's uninjured shoulder.

The moment Leo made physical contact with him, Donnie shifted his eyes down to the floor like he was searching for something. What he was actually doing was purposely avoiding Leo's dreaded 'I'm not going to stop harassing you until you tell me what's bothering you' stare.

 _Can't they just accept the fact that I'm an introvert and leave me alone?_

"Look at me, Donnie. Please."

"What difference does it make if I'm looking at you or not? Why don't you just go ahead and say it already, Leo? What I did was incredibly shortsighted and brainless."

After drawing in a deep breath, Leonardo removed his hand from Donnie's shoulder and patted the genius turtle on the knee while responding. "That's not what I'm trying to say."

The condescending patting was more than Donnie could stand. He couldn't take it any longer. Something inside of him snapped and he was suddenly shaking with frustration. He was sick and tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him. He was sick and tired of being patronized all the time. He was sick and tired of waiting for things to get better. He was just so sick and tired of _everything_ . . .

"Stop treating me like an infant, Leo! We both know what you're really thinking! It was stupid! Admit it! Just like the night I got captured! Just like the night I fell from that fire escape! And hey, as long as we're at it, there are plenty of other fine examples of my ineptitude that come to mind! How about the time that Metalhead almost killed you guys, or the time that Timothy went after April because of me, huh? What happened to Spike! Remember, that was all my fault, too! Let's not forget when I tried to break April's dad out of the Kraang detention facility on my own and went and let the Newtralizer out! Not to mention I locked Mr. O'Neil and I up in a cell so you guys had to come and rescue us! Wait! I forgot about the part when I failed to notice that Mr. O'Neil had a mind control device implanted in the back of his neck! That nearly got April _and_ Sensei killed! Oh, and giving Mikey the T-Pod! That definitely ranked right up there in my long line of dumb moves!" Donnie could have gone on and on had he felt so inclined, but he needed to take a little breather. His throat was not quite up for such a thunderous tirade.

"Donatello, look at me." This time, Leo's bid for his brother to make eye contact with him was more of a demand than a request, but still, Donnie just kept his eyes stubbornly fixed on the floor. If anything, his eyes had veered even further away from his big brother's stare.

"Face it, Leo. The fact of the matter remains that I'm stupid and I screw everything up. You don't have to sugarcoat it for me. Just tell me the truth for once." The tone of Donatello's voice took on a stinging quality that sounded eerily reminiscent of the tone that he had used during the argument that he and his oldest brother had had just before the genius turtle had run off from the lair that fateful night he had just about died. The very same argument that had ended in Leo striking Donnie.

The turtle in blue cringed at the memory of hitting his little brother, but at the same time, he found himself cringing at the thought of what that Foot-bot would've done to Donnie had Raph not gotten there when he did. Their brainy brother had willingly put himself at risk after all that had happened. Leonardo was torn by a fusion of remorse and anger, wavering between being the good guy and hollering at Donnie for being so unbelievably reckless.

Pulling his hand away from Donatello's leg, Leo noticed that his little brother's knuckles were turning white from squeezing on the bed sheets so tightly. The oldest turtle had heard the disgust in his wounded brother's voice, but now, he could actually see it. The leader couldn't help but wonder what right Donnie had to be mad after what he had just done. If anyone should be mad, Leo was sure it was himself. He had trusted his younger brother and his brother had betrayed that trust.

No, Leo wasn't just mad. He was furious.

Against his better judgment, Leonardo finally let his growing indignation take the helm. Weeks of pent-up frustration came cascading out and before he knew it, some crazy turtle was ranting and raving at poor Donnie. It was as though Leo was watching himself from a distance. Too far removed from his own rationale, Leonardo couldn't stop the blue-clad turtle sitting next to his broken little brother from saying the many things he had been bottling up inside for so long.

Thoughts better left unsaid rained heavily down upon Donatello who was not emotionally stable enough to cope with them. He absorbed them like a sponge, silently taking in the hardened words without objection.

"Fine! You want the truth? It _was_ stupid! You went out and just about got yourself killed _again_! For what? What exactly were you trying to prove out there, Donnie?"

In all honesty, Donatello had braced himself for a scolding, but not for the likes of this. It was like a faucet had been turned on and Leo's every last ounce of anger was pouring out of the tap all at once.

Apparently, the gloves were off, and Leo was making up for lost time.

If Donnie's sunken posture was any indicator, the words hurt . . . a lot. He shrank away from Leonardo as the older turtle continued to unleash his rage in verbal form. Donnie found himself wishing he could just disappear or simply beam out of there like he was on an episode of 'Space Heroes.' Unfortunately for the genius turtle, transporter beams had yet to actually be invented. It had been on his to-do list since he was about five years old.

With beaming aboard a spaceship officially ruled out as a means of escape, Donnie next considered pulling himself inside of his shell and never coming out. It wasn't exactly a courageous or mature way of dealing with the situation, but it was a way of dealing nevertheless.

The voices in Donnie's head then joined the fray and started knocking him even further down. Leo's latest harsh words almost followed right along with the harsh words that were previously recorded in Donnie's brain. The ones from all the other times that the ' _genius_ ' had messed up.

The present Leo and the past Leo volleyed hurtful comments back and forth like a lengthy point in a tennis match.

"You know that Shredder is looking for you now, but yet you went off on your own and put yourself in danger!" Present Leo scathingly remarked.

" _You went off and almost got yourself killed!"_ Past Leo countered from inside of Donnie's head.

"I thought I could trust you, Donnie, but apparently not! We left you alone for one night and look what happened! Is one of us going to have to stay behind with you at all times to make sure you don't go wandering off by yourself?"

" _I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

"You know you're in no shape to take on the Foot on your own!"

" _If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . "_

Just when present Leo was about to power serve his next biting comment, Raph blew into the lab with gale force and immediately stalked towards his older brother.

"What the shell is going on in here?"

There was no mistaking that Raph was ticked off and ready to rumble.

Not wanting a fight to break out, Donnie quickly went about trying to calm his hotheaded brother down.

"Oh, good, you're back. You two were just in time to hear Leo telling me how worried he was about me." Somehow, Donnie was able to withhold any trace of sarcasm from his voice. It was quite the feat.

Leonardo grew unusually quiet as his guilt-ridden eyes gazed over at Donatello. His genius brother had covered for him without hesitation after he had just gotten done yelling at him.

 _Oh, Donnie. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better . . ._

Unfortunately, even though Donnie's intentions had been good, his endeavor to keep the peace had failed miserably. Raph's foul mood hadn't improved one little bit.

"That's not what it sounded like to me! It sounded like he was chewing you out!" As Raph snarled out the words, he edged closer and closer to Leonardo, purposely invading his older brother's personal space. No one knew just how to twist Leo's bandana into a knot the way that the red-masked turtle did, and vice-versa.

"Raph," Donnie moaned out when he saw the cold-blooded look in his most volatile brother's green eyes. Even if Donnie hadn't been the so-called genius of the family, he would have had no trouble recognizing this look for what it was.

 _An act of war . . ._

 _Oh, for the love of all that is science, is there not one turtle among us that is capable of learning from past mistakes?_

As if to answer Donnie's unspoken question, Leo pushed himself up off the cot and got right up in his temperamental brother's face before saying, "Stay out of this, Raph!"

The genius turtle couldn't help but to roll his eyes.

If Raphael was an open tank of gasoline, Leonardo was the careless lighter. The closer the two of them got to one another, the more probable an explosion of epic proportions would result.

One explosion a night was more than enough for Donatello, so he was quick to intercede.

"Raph, it's okay. I told Leo to be – "

"No, Donnie! It's not okay! What's your problem, Fearless?" To further emphasize his point, Raph gave Leo's right shoulder a little shove. It was something that the leader in blue did not take lightly, but he chose not to retaliate for Donatello's sake. He knew his second youngest brother would be upset if a fight broke out in his lab, and so, Leo just loomed over Raph like a statue, trying to intimidate his brother into submission with a hostile glare.

The problem was, Raph wasn't easily intimidated. Especially not by his high-and-mighty big brother.

"Have you been waiting this whole time for another opportunity to harass him? The second we all leave the lair, you start riding his shell again? Haven't you done enough to him already? You're supposed to be helping him, not making him feel worse!" The comments were followed by another push to Leo's shoulder, this one considerably more aggressive. Raph was clearly trying to get a rise out of his older brother.

"You're out of line, Raph! You disappear from the lair because you can't contain your temper, and then you show up, acting like you never left. You instantly assume you know everything that's gone on since and start making wild accusations." There was a heavy dose of disdain in Leonardo's voice, but his outward appearance remained disturbingly calm.

Raph could see that Leo was holding back for some reason, but the hotheaded turtle wasn't about to let that stop him. Years of experience told him just what buttons to push to make his older brother see red. Hamato Raphael was itching for a fight and he was going to get one.

The two oldest turtles were now leaning so close to one another, their faces were nearly touching.

Things were about to go nuclear.

"Don't try to make me the bad guy here, Chief! I'm not the one constantly belittling him every chance I get!"

"Belittling him? That's what you think I've been doing? I'm the one who's spent the most time trying to _help_ him! You and Mikey have all but given up on trying to get him to talk. I'm the only one of us still trying!" Without even realizing it, Leonardo squeezed his hands into tight fists at his sides while he bared his teeth ever-so slightly.

"Hey, that's not fair! I've been trying to do stuff with him the whole time, too, but he never wants to do anything other than work in his lab!" As soon as Leo had dropped his name into to the mix, Mikey had rushed up next to his two oldest brothers so that he could put his two cents in.

"I knew it!" Raph jabbed a forefinger into Leo's plastron as he continued with his eruption. "I _knew_ you would turn around and throw that back in our faces, Leo! You've just been spending more time with him so you can lord it over us! You know how hard we've been trying to get things back to normal around here! We've tried everything to get him to act like he used to! Heck, I even sat and listened to him read some four-page article about coastal wetland conservation because I thought it might get him to open up some. Guess what? It didn't! That's a half hour I'll never get back."

"Dude, I had to watch some show about NASA with him. Worst. Show. Ever." Mikey looked at Leo and Raph as though nothing they could say could possibly compete with the torture he had endured by being subjected to 'smart' TV.

"Um, hello . . . I'm still sitting right here," Donnie groaned, tossing his hands up in the air in disgust. Of course, his brothers hadn't actually heard what he had said, too caught up in their bickering to notice.

As Donatello sat there listening to the argument carry on, he was growing increasingly exasperated. His brothers were once again talking about him as though he wasn't even in the room anymore, referring to him as "he" and "him." It was bad enough he had been reduced to a pronoun, as though they had forgotten his name, but now, they were openly admitting to spending time with him just because they felt obligated to do so. Not because they had actually wanted to.

 _Way to build up my self-esteem, guys . . ._

"I'm not lording anything over anyone! I'm just saying that maybe instead of reading comic books, hanging out with Casey, or complaining all the time, you could've been putting a little more effort into helping him!"

"How about I put a little more effort into knocking your teeth out? You just think you're so much better than all of us! Well, if you're so perfect, than why didn't he tell you where he was going tonight? Why did he keep it a secret from 'Mr. Fantastic'? Because you're not having any better luck getting through to him than we are! That's why!"

"Dude! What is wrong with you guys? Are you even listening to yourselves? Do you want him to run away again?"

While his siblings continued to ignore him so they could yell at one another, Donnie gingerly slid down off the cot. His brothers didn't even notice he was now standing, which was not necessarily a bad thing. They most likely would have turned their anger on him for getting up.

Donnie carefully shifted the majority of his weight onto his uninjured leg and made sure it was good and stable before moving away from the cot. Taking a couple of cautious steps forward, he stopped just a few feet away from where his three brothers were squaring off . . . or rather, 'triangling' off. The wounded turtle wanted to keep a safe distance from the confrontation, remembering what had happened the last time he had tried to break up a fight between his siblings. He had no desire to repeat that dreadful experience.

The oral part of the fight was now in a tailspin, nearing its crash and burn. The three bickering turtles' comebacks were getting choppier by the second and far less thought-out, to the point that they had pretty much resorted to petty name-calling back and forth. Donnie heard them use such classics as: tool, dill weed, gasbag, dork, loose cannon, egomaniac, ding-dong, prima donna, jerkwad, and even princess. The genius turtle would have called them all a bunch of compensatory narcissists if he thought it would do any good. It's not like they would have known what that meant and he really didn't feel like explaining it.

 _Maybe I should get them all a thesaurus for Christmas this year,_ Donatello thought, but quickly decided against it. Raph's vocabulary was plenty colorful enough as it was. There was no sense in providing the hotheaded turtle with a reference that could teach him new and inventive ways to offend someone. That would be like giving an arsonist several gallons of lighter fluid and a ten-pound box of matches.

In the meantime, the fight continued to rage on and the insults were getting more and more abusive, hitting below the belt, so to speak. Donnie knew that if he didn't stop the verbal assault soon, a physical one would follow. That's because the smartest turtle knew that his temperamental brother would grow tired of coming up with clever insults and he would eventually just decide to pop one of them in the beak. That would initiate a battle royale that Donnie was _so_ not in the mood – or condition – to clean up after.

"Guys!" Donnie howled, but his brothers didn't miss a beat and their insults started to push well past the PG-rating. It was only a matter of time before Raph blew a gasket.

"Guys! Stop it! Would you just listen to me for once in your lives?"

This time, Donatello managed to get through to his brothers, but only because he had hollered so hard, his voice had nearly given out from the strain he had put on it.

Having heard the desperation in their genius brother's voice, the three fuming turtles finally stopped yelling at each other and slowly turned to see that Donnie was on his feet. He was standing there, staring at them through teary, reddish-brown eyes, clearly heartbroken beyond measure.

All three of Donnie's brothers instantly shrunk inside of their shells when they thought about the many selfish and inconsiderate things that they had just said during their argument. They could only imagine how badly they had hurt their already-injured brother by making it sound as though he was irreparable and nothing but an inconvenience.

Donatello peered up at them with so much anguish, it was literally devastating to see.

"Please . . . I don't want you to fight over me anymore, okay? I . . . I'm just so tired of fighting." It was a struggle for Donnie just to get the words out. While he spoke them, he wrapped his arms around his middle in a vain attempt to console himself.

Leonardo stared at Donatello in dawning horror, absolutely terrified of what his little brother had truly meant when he had said that he was tired of fighting. Donnie had looked so utterly broken and defeated when he had said it, it scared Leo to no end.

They all knew that Donatello was suffering from depression, but was he really so far gone, he didn't want to – No! Leo couldn't even complete that thought. It was too much to bear.

"Do you want to know why I went off on my own tonight?" The tone of Donnie's voice was almost unrecognizable. It was so laden with misery, he sounded nothing like his normal self.

Donnie's brothers glanced at each other for a moment, and then, silently nodded for him to continue. None of them were really sure that they wanted to hear their genius brother's reason for leaving, but at the same time, they didn't want to discourage him from speaking. Not after they had all worked so hard to get him to talk to them.

"It was because I wanted to prove to you guys that I wasn't useless . . . but you know what? The only thing that I proved is that I am." Though Donnie had dipped his head down to convey his shame, his brothers could still see the already desolate expression on his face deepen into something more, making him appear as though he was hopelessly lost. His sorrowful eyes were shimmering with unshed tears as he continued to condemn himself.

"I . . . I'm nothing but a burden to all of you. Even before I was injured . . . I was just a weak and useless burden. And now, I'll always be a liability, dragging you down. You should've just let Tiger Claw take me away that night. You should've just let me go. You would've all been better off without me. I wasn't worth saving," Donnie said with as much volume as he could summon. Even at his loudest, his voice was still scarcely greater than a whisper. It was an audible manifestation of the weakness consuming his entire being.

Mikey was the first to say something in response, but the only words the orange-masked turtle could manage to get out were, "Donnie . . . no."

The youngest turtle couldn't believe what his brainy brother had just said. He just couldn't.

 _Why would D say all those awful things? How could he possibly think those horrible things were true?_

Like Mikey, Raph was also having a difficult time putting voice to his thoughts. All he was able to do was just stand there, shaking his head in denial.

Then, Leo finally spoke, and he couldn't hold back his distress. "Donnie, please tell me that's not what you've been thinking all this time."

"I'm sorry. I – I shouldn't have – " Donnie started, but could not finish. The voices in his head were screaming at him now. One particular voice was far louder than the rest. It kept saying the same thing over and over again _._

 _"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!"_

 _"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!"_

 _"Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it!"_

 _"Shut up, Brainiac!"_

" _Nobody wants to hear it!"_

Closing his eyes and turning away, Donnie tried to hide from his brothers' appalled stares, but he could still feel their eyes boring into him. The moment he pried his eyelids apart, he saw the pity written all over their faces. Suddenly, he felt as if his composure was on the cusp of failure.

He didn't want their pity.

He didn't deserve their concern.

He had totally meant what he had said just seconds before. They would all be better off without him.

"I . . . I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I'm sorry." Cupping a trembling hand over his mouth, Donnie tried to stop anything more from coming out. He had already said too much. He looked both terrified and devastated at the same time as he stood there trying so hard not to fall apart right in front of them. He refused to let his brothers witness his emotional collapse.

He had to get out of there.

He had to get out of there _right now_.

"Donnie, please, let us help you. " As Leonardo made his desperate plea, he reached a hand out for Donnie, but he missed him by an inch.

Before Leo could make another attempt to grab his genius brother's arm, Donnie was already rushing out of the lab as fast as his injured body would take him.

All the while, he was thinking he should've never said what he had.

He should've never let them see his pain.

He should've _never_ let them in.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: This chapter was hard. The next chapter is even harder . . . Get ready for some major angst.**_

 _ **I'm really sorry for making all of you wait so long for this chapter. Thanks to everyone for being so patient and for all the amazing support and encouragement you have given me. Things were kind of rough there for a while, but they're getting better and better thanks to all of you. *hugs***_

 _ **If you like 'Lost in the Fight,' or any of my other stories, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment. I would love to know if you are enjoying my writing and could really use the positive feedback. Thank you all very, very much for reading. CJ ;)**_

 ** _Before I go, I also want to thank everyone who read my latest 'TMNT Shell Shot.' I appreciate it a whole lot. Thank you, thank you, thank you. *more hugs*_**


	38. Chapter 38 - Darkest Before Don

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter 38 of 'Lost in the Fight' and I'm not even sure how to describe this one. Let's just say it's one of my very favorites in the story and leave it at that. I don't want to give anything else away.**_

 _ **Thank you all so much for reading 'Lost in the Fight' and for sticking with me and my story for so long. It means the world to me to have such wonderful readers and friends. I consider myself truly blessed. You are all awesome.**_

 _ **Thank you, over and over again . . .**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy the chapter. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 38 – Darkest Before Don**

Leaning his carapace heavily against the only open corner of his room, Donatello let his weary body slowly slide down the wall supporting him until he felt the cold, concrete floor underneath him. Drawing his knees towards his chest as best he could with the rather ungainly splint still secured to his fractured leg, he tightly wrapped his arms around his shins. He then pulled all of his limbs close to his body, tucking himself into somewhat of a ball.

Feeling as though everything was starting to close in on him, the wounded turtle buried his face into the crook of his right elbow in an effort to hide himself away from the world around him. As he did so, he unconsciously started to rock himself back and forth with his heels.

When he realized that the effects of whatever medication his brothers had administered to him to alleviate his pain were rapidly starting to wear off, the wounded turtle let out a long, ragged breath.

He wasn't sure just how much time had passed since he had returned to the lair, or even since he had entered his room, for that matter. The rather traumatic events of the evening had caused him to lose any sense of accurate time. His eyes drooped with fatigue, but he didn't know if that was due to the late – possibly early – hour, the overexertion from his trip outside of the lair, or a side effect of the pain killer his brothers had given him.

Another knock came at his door, but yet again, he didn't respond.

There was no questioning his brothers were persistent. They hadn't wasted any time following him to his room once he had left the laboratory. Just a few moments after he had closed his bedroom door, a series of knocks had sounded out, accompanied by voices gently saying his name and making requests.

"Donnie, open the door, bro."

"Come on, Donnie. Let us in."

"Donatello, please. We just want to talk to you."

Luckily for the genius turtle, even in his distraught state, he had been of sound enough mind to lock his door upon entrance to his bedroom, or else his brothers would have barged in by now.

The commotion outside the door started to all but fade away, but Donnie knew his brothers were still out there plotting. Every so often, he could hear the faint sound of what he assumed to be whispering, reminding him that they hadn't given up yet.

He wished they would . . .

Just like he had given up . . .

The injured turtle hugged himself even tighter and pressed his face deeper into his bent arm, stubbornly trying to fend off the tears that were threatening to come. He refused to let himself fall to pieces. Especially not with his brothers standing right outside the door. It was bad enough that they had already witnessed him just about lose it back in the lab. After that disaster, there was no way in shell he could face them. Not now. Maybe not ever. Hence the reason why he hadn't bothered to respond to any of his brothers' knocks or pleas, using his silence as yet another means of locking them out.

Besides, he knew if he was foolish enough to let them inside of his room, they would just stare at him with nothing but pity.

 _Ugh! Not the pity stares. It's like saying 'I'm sorry you're a pathetic loser' with your eyes._

Donnie _so_ could not stomach those looks right now. They were hard enough to stomach on an ordinary day . . .

The sound of whispering outside his bedroom door snapped him out of his thoughts, but he noticed that the voices were purposely being muffled to keep him from hearing what was actually being said. There was no doubt in his mind that his brothers were up to something. Something that would most likely result in him having to repair the door when they were done.

Rolling his eyes out of sheer habit, Donnie found himself wishing that he wouldn't have chosen his bedroom as a hiding place, but his other options at the time had been about nilch to none.

Normally, his lab would've been his first preference to seclude himself, but it was already occupied by the very same brothers he was trying to get away from. His only other alternative would've been to leave the lair, but logic told him that he wouldn't have made it very far with a busted leg and three capable ninjas on his tail.

And so, Donnie had chosen to lock himself inside of his room due to obvious physical and time constraints. The problem was, he was now faced with the harsh reality that there was no means of escape, which made an involuntary shiver slink up and down his spine. The situation was uncannily similar to one of his many recurring nightmares where he had been locked away in Shredder's dungeon with no hope of getting out.

His bedroom normally made him feel protected, but right now, it was making him feel trapped.

When he closed his eyes, he could see the bars of that awful cell that haunted his nightmares. He could hear the bone-chilling sound of Shredder's voice resonating in the back of his head.

" _It seems your brothers felt you were too much of a burden and they didn't want you any longer. They asked me to take you off their hands."_

Donnie squeezed himself into an even tighter ball, trying to make himself as small as possible. He became vaguely aware of the fact that his whole body had started to tremble.

Then, nightmare Leo joined in on the tormenting.

" _It's better this way. You're . . . you're a liability to us now. We don't have the time or the resources to take care of you all the time."_

The voices inside of Donatello's head were growing louder and louder by the second, easily drowning out the voices of his brothers on the other side of the door.

" _We don't need you anymore, okay! There! I said it!"_

" _Face it, Donnie! You're completely useless to us now and the last thing we need is your deadweight dragging us down any further."_

Donatello felt the warm sensation of teardrops against the skin of his arm. Lifting his head up, he hastily wiped the moisture away from his eyes with the back of his left hand, clearly ashamed of himself for being so weak.

 _You have to keep it together. You can't let your brothers see you like this . . ._

Peering up at the door to his room through misty eyes, Donnie squinted to focus his vision just in time to see the door handle begin to jiggle.

His brothers were trying to break in.

Regardless of the overwhelming feeling that everything was caving in all around him, the thought of his three brothers conspiring to force an entry still managed to bring a small smile to Donatello's face. He remembered the last time his siblings had picked the lock on his door. He had been absolutely furious with them for invading his privacy, not to mention he had had to replace the whole locking mechanism after Raph had gotten through with it.

Donnie's small smile widened into a smirk.

No matter how bad things got, his brothers were always there, whether he wanted them around or not. They were a constant presence that had always made him feel safe and sound. More than they would ever know.

Another memory came flooding back to him. This one of a much happier time . . .

* * *

" _Ahhh! I wanted to watch a sci-fi classic! How about 'Freak-eared Bat Zombies from Planet Zunt?' We haven't seen that one in for like ever!"_

 _Leonardo was quick to bat his youngest brother's incoming hand away from the wooden crate that housed their vast assortment of cinematic treasures._

" _Sorry, Mikey, but you got to pick the movie the last couple of times. It's definitely my turn to pick and I'm feeling like a good mystery." Plunging his hand down inside the crate, Leo seized hold of the VHS tape he wanted to watch and held it up for all to see. He then hurried over to the television set to insert the tape into the VCR before his brothers had a chance to start voicing their objections._

 _Choosing a movie on movie night always proved to be far more difficult than necessary._

" _Uh-uh! No way, dude! No mystery movies! Not with Donnie! Remember when we watched that 'Sixth Sense' movie with him?" Mikey groaned out, raking his hands down his face in theatrical fashion._

 _Raph rolled his eyes before growling, "Don't bring that up again!"_

" _Hey! It wasn't my fault I figured out the so-called greatest twist ending in movie history only a few minutes into the film! How was I supposed to know it would be so obvious?" While Donatello jumped to his own defense, he threw his hands up in the air for added emphasis, nearly knocking his bowl of popcorn over in the process._

" _Nothing's a twist ending with you around, Brainiac! If we're watching a mystery or anything that involves some kind of solving or thinking, then you have to swear to keep your big mouth shut or I'll pound you into next Tuesday!"_

 _Nervously rubbing the back of his neck, Donnie let out a timid, little giggle, hoping that Raph was just joking around._

 _He wasn't._

 _To further stress his point, the hotheaded turtle aimed an intimidating forefinger in his brainy brother's direction. This caused Donnie to shy away from the unfriendly gesture and inch closer to the side of the couch that his oldest brother had settled onto._

" _Cut it out, Raph!" Worried about potentially breaking his concentration, Leonardo kept his eyes glued to the television set while he scolded his brother. The oldest turtle's thumb was presently holding down the fast-forward button on the VCR remote as he whizzed through the half dozen previews preceding the film. With expert timing, he released the pressure on the button at the precise moment the last preview wrapped up._

 _It was as if Leonardo had seen that very same preview at least twenty-seven times before and had the whole thing memorized, to the point that he knew exactly when the preview would end and the movie would start. The truth was, he had only seen it eleven times._

 _Just as the opening fanfare and studio logo for the feature film tremulously appeared across the TV screen, there was a surge of bright light. A moment later, everything went black, save for the soft glow of a few emergency lights and the occasional streaks of luminosity flickering down from the thunderstorm raging on overhead._

" _Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" There was an uncharacteristically whiny tone to Leo's voice, demonstrating his mounting frustration._

 _Equally frustrated with the situation, Mikey was fighting off the strong urge to drop down on his knees and scream out 'why' to no one in particular. Instead, he opted to go with a senseless 'I told you so'-type of remark. "See! I told you we should have gone with the sci-fi flick!"_

 _Raph grimaced just out of spite. As usual, his baby brother had followed no actual pattern of logic to come to his asinine conclusion. The little twerp had just spewed forth some random thought from the incomprehensible vacuum between his ear slits, better known as Mikey's brain._

" _What the heck difference would that've made? The power would've still gone out, shellhead!" It was painfully obvious that Raph was disgusted. Even in the scant lighting of the room, they could all see the emblematic scowl rutted into the temperamental turtle's face._

" _You don't know that for sure, dude!"_

" _No, but I do know that you're an idiot!"_

" _Yeah, well takes one to know one!"_

 _A low growl could be heard rolling around in the recesses of Raph's throat, instantly followed by a death glare._

 _Seeing the murderous look in his second oldest brother's fierce, green eyes, Mikey gulped so hard everyone could hear it, even over the storm thundering above._

 _Raphael was about to launch a verbal counter-offensive when Donnie attempted a cessation of hostilities._

" _Hey, guys, let's not get all worked up about it. I'm sure the storm just knocked out the power." Pushing himself up off the couch, the genius turtle went to go check out the situation. Partly because he was curious, but mostly because he knew it would only be a matter of seconds before one of his brothers asked him to go fix things anyway._

 _Not wanting to get roped into Raph and Mikey's juvenile battle of insults, Leo got up off the couch as well and followed Donnie out of the room._

 _In under two minutes, the purple and blue clad turtles returned to the common area of the lair. Unfortunately, the power did not return with them._

 _There came a harmonic "ahhhhh" from Raph and Mikey._

" _Sorry, guys, but there's nothing I can do about it. It's just your standard, run of the mill power outage," Donnie announced while he carefully placed several lit candles down on the floor. He then plopped back down onto the couch. "It looks like the storm knocked out the power to about half the city."_

 _Hearing this, Mikey's eyes widened in despair._

" _Oh man! This bites! No TV? What are we supposed to do without the TV?" The look on Michelangelo's face suggested that he was nothing short of devastated. It was as if he honestly believed that he was physically incapable of entertaining himself without the aid of a television set._

 _Clearly, Mikey wouldn't have lasted more than five minutes prior to the invention of electricity . . ._

 _Seeing how dependent his youngest brother had obviously become on the TV, Leonardo considered threatening to limit the amount of time Mikey could spend watching television, but the leader quickly thought better of it. He figured that was his father's territory. There was no sense in Leo being the bad guy any more than he already had to be. Not only that, but if he rationed Mikey's TV time, that would surely come back to bite him in the shell when it came time for him to watch his own favorite shows. Plus, without the TV to preoccupy Mikey's time, the orange-masked turtle would most likely drive all of them nuts and it would only be a matter of hours – maybe minutes – before Raph strangled him._

 _The sound of Mikey whimpering informed his brothers that he was still impatiently waiting for an answer to his question about what they were supposed to do without the TV. Finally, it was Donatello who offered up a response._

" _Well, the garbage cannon on the Shellraiser could use an overhaul. Last time we fired it, I noticed the trajectory was off. It was pulling a little to the right. It might just need to be sighted in. Or – " the word 'or' dragged on several seconds longer than seemed necessary before Donnie continued on with his next suggestion " – we could all spend some quality time together scrubbing down the Patrol Buggy. The handle bars and seats are still sticky from when Mikey 'accidentally' sprayed that two-liter bottle of pop all over the place. I haven't had any time to clean it up yet. What do you guys say? Huh? With the four of us and a little bit of elbow grease, we could get the inside looking spic-and-span in no time flat." Laying the enthusiasm on extra thick, Donnie did everything he could to make his proposition sound more enticing, even though he was about ninety-nine-point-nine percent sure that his brothers would just shoot him down anyway._

 _He was right._

 _Naturally, it was Raph who did the shooting down. "Sounds boring."_

 _The current lack of lighting in the lair permitted Donnie to roll his eyes without detection. It wasn't like he didn't see that answer coming from a mile away, but it was frustrating just the same. That just meant he would be stuck cleaning up his baby brother's mess, yet again._

" _How about we do a little skateboarding?"_

" _Not in this storm." Leo's instant rejection of Raph's idea earned him a bitter glare from his already irritated brother, but the leader just ignored it. "Come on, guys. We shouldn't have to rely on television, inventions, or skateboards so much. When was the last time we just sat down together and had a nice chat?"_

" _Chat? Seriously? Did you just say chat? Who even says that anymore?"_

" _Actually, Raph, the term chat has recently been revitalized thanks to the Internet. Chatting is now widely known as the real-time exchanging of text or video-based messages online that – " Not surprisingly, Donnie was not allowed to finish what he thought was a helpful and informative response. Raph apparently wasn't in the mood to hear it._

" _Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, Professor Dork-tionary. Either way, I don't 'chat.'"_

 _Leo fixed a glower on Raph before speaking again. "The point I was trying to make, was that it would be a nice break from the norm if the four of us were to just sit here and have a meaningful conversation for once."_

" _Whatever."_

 _There was a lengthy silence that followed Raph's last word, which was rather ironic considering Leo had just gotten done suggesting they all have a meaningful conversation._

 _As expected, Mikey was the one to bring the peace and quiet to a grinding halt._

" _Hey, do you guys like ever think about stuff?"_

" _Stuff? Could you possibly be any more vague, dipstick?"_

 _Michelangelo blew out a heavy sigh over Raph's response, seemingly exasperated by the fact that his big brother couldn't read his mind._

" _You know, like if we ever found a way to be human. What would you do?" As soon as Mikey finished posing his question, he reached for another handful of popcorn and began shoveling it into his mouth at an alarming rate._

 _The three oldest turtles stared wide-eyed at their baby brother, not sure how to respond. They also weren't sure how Mikey could fit so much popcorn in his mouth at one time._

" _Well, I know what I'd do. I would be the most famous skateboarding champ ever! All the kids would wanna grow up and be just like me. I'd have my own TV show and clothing line and a smokin' hot supermodel girlfriend. Oh, and I'd grow my hair out really, really long so I could have those dreadlock thingies or maybe even a mullet! That would be off the chain." There was no possible way for Mikey to contain his excitement over the mental image now playing in his head. He even started tossing his head back and forth, pretending to flip his imaginary hair over his shoulders._

 _Raph shook his own head from side to side, seemingly annoyed by the conversation, but then, he shocked his brothers by being the next to participate in the flight of the imagination._

" _I would get the most decked out motorcycle money can buy and go wherever the road takes me."_

" _Ah, a regular rebel without a clue."_

 _Not at all pleased with Leo's snide remark, Raph folded his arms across his chest to show his irritation while he leaned his shell against the back of the couch._

" _No way, dude! Instead of a bike, you should totally buy one of those food trucks and cruise across the country in it!" Mikey practically sang out the words, as if the mere thought of his brother owning a food truck was pure heaven. In his mind, he could taste the free samples and it was making him super hungry._

" _Why the shell would I do that?"_

"' _Cause . . . if you're gonna go wherever the road takes you, you might as well have your meals on wheels, bro. And then you don't have to worry about road rash or helmet hair. Plus, food trucks are all the rage right now. I can already picture it. You could call your truck 'Raph's Righteous Ribs' or 'Turtley Awesomundo Tacos!'"_

" _Uh, Mikey, if Raph is supposed to be human in this scenario of yours, why would he call his truck 'Turtley Awesomundo Tacos?'" The genius turtle arched an eye ridge out of curiosity._

" _Oh . . . right." Pushing the tips of his forefingers together, Mikey scrunched up his face in deep thought._

" _And let's not forget the fact that Raph has zero people skills, which makes him a horrible candidate for owning and operating a business," Leo insightfully added, raising a forefinger of his own._

" _Okay, for starters, you know I can't cook to save my life. And then, there's the fact that this is the stupidest argument ever! A food truck is nothing like a motorcycle!"_

" _Sure it is, bruh. They both have wheels, they're both vehicles, they both run on gas, they both have – "_

" _Drop it, Mikey, or I'll drop you! I'm not driving a food truck! Ever! End of discussion!"_

 _Another prolonged moment of silence engulfed the room, and once again, Mikey was the one to spoil it._

" _What about you, Leo? What would you do?" Picking up a throw pillow and squeezing it tight, Mikey eagerly leaned forward to give his oldest brother his undivided attention like he was a little kid awaiting a parent to tell him a bedtime story._

" _Oh, I don't know. Call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn't mind just settling down and starting a family of my own. You know, go out and get a steady job . . . or maybe start my own Dojo. I could buy a house, find the right girl, have a couple of kids."_

 _Listening to Leo profess his dreams of mending white picket fences, mowing the lawn, and walking the dog was just about enough to make Raph throw up. All of this sugariness was giving the hotheaded turtle a serious toothache._

" _Why call you old-fashioned when I could just call you a dork? And you think I'm the one without a clue? Could you be any lamer?"_

" _Don't knock a dude's dream, bro. Not cool," Mikey said in that surfer dude way that only he could effectively pull off._

" _Raph, there's nothing wrong with the pursuit of the traditional American dream. The hope for prosperity and happiness is not an uncommon goal. The very notion that wealth and success is achievable by anyone living in this country is quite inspirational and dates all the way back to the Declaration of Independence."_

" _I take it back, Fearless. You're old-fashioned. Donnie's the dork." Reaching one hand up, Raph massaged his left temple with his fingers. His brothers were making his skull hurt._

" _Speaking of Donnie, we haven't heard his response yet. What would you do if you were human, Donnie?" Little did Leo's brothers know, he had just made the perfect transition into someone else's turn. He was still plenty embarrassed by Raph making fun of him and he was looking for any opportunity to take the spotlight off himself._

 _In response to his oldest brother's question, Donnie just shrugged his shoulders and muttered, "I'm not sure. I guess I've never really given it a whole lot of thought."_

 _With that said, the room fell silent yet again._

 _Donnie's three brothers stared at him with an assortment of baffled expressions, waiting for him to continue speaking, but a full minute came and went without a word. They soon realized that their brainy brother had no intention of elaborating on his response. As far as Donnie was concerned, he had already given his answer. His turn was over and done with._

" _You've gotta be kidding me! That oversized brain of yours has never once thought about what you would do if you were human? I'm not buying it." There was more than a hint of cynicism in Raph's tone as he spoke._

 _Again, Donnie just shrugged his shoulders in response. He then casually reached down into the bowl of popcorn sitting next to him on the couch and lobbed several popped kernels into his mouth while his brothers continued to stare at him incredulously._

" _What?" Donnie held his hands out in front of him to signify that he was confused, acting as though he didn't have the faintest idea what his brothers were staring at him for._

 _Leo's eyes narrowed into a skeptical squint. "Come on, Donnie. You honestly haven't thought about it?"_

" _No." As he straightened up his posture slightly, Donnie felt his muscles starting to tense up. Maybe that was because he suddenly felt as though he was on trial and his brothers were accusing him of perjury._

" _Now I know he's full of it! You can't tell me you haven't thought about you and April riding the Shellraiser off into the sunset together." No sooner had the words left Raph's mouth when the unsentimental turtle put his hands up to his throat and feigned gagging as though he had become physically ill over what he had just said._

" _I guess I was under the impression that this particular role-playing exercise only pertained to our future career aspirations, not our romantic ones. N – Not that I think about April romantically . . . because I don't." Donnie tried to downplay what he had just said, but failed miserably. He had begun to dig a hole, and then, he proceeded to dig that hole deeper and deeper. "I mean, I think about her a lot . . . but . . . but not in that way. It's not like she's my girlfriend or anything. Well, she is a girl and she is a friend, so I guess that technically makes her my girlfriend, but she's your guys' girlfriend, too. Okay, that didn't come out right at all. What I'm trying to say is that April . . . she's just . . . No, that's not it. April is . . . Okay, I'm not even sure what I was trying to say. Is – Is it getting hot in here?"_

 _Luckily, the darkness hanging over the lair masked the red shade that now glowed bright on Donnie's cheeks._

" _Geez, don't hurt yourself, Brainiac. Sorry I brought it up." The corners of Raph's mouth coiled into an arrogant smirk while he watched his genius brother get all self-conscious._

 _In the meantime, Donatello's eyes scanned the room for something – ANYTHING – that might lead to a subject change. When nothing jumped out at him, he decided to improvise._

" _Uh, the power's been out for quite a while now. Maybe I should go get the backup generator out of my lab." Pushing himself up to his feet, Donnie was about to head for his lab when Mikey's shrill voice ceased his forward momentum._

" _Wait! We have a backup generator and no one thought to mention this until now! We could've been watching TV this whole time?" The orange-masked ninja sullenly placed his hands on his hips, clearly beside himself with anger over his genius brother's startling revelation._

" _Mikey, the backup generator is for emergency purposes only." Little did the youngest turtle know, Donnie had actually written those exact same words in permanent marker on a label that he had affixed to the top of the generator._

" _Dude, no TV_ _ **is**_ _an emergency! You know I can't live without it!" Once he reached the word 'know,' Mikey's hands flew up to cover the top of his head as if the sky was going to start falling at any moment._

 _Donnie's only response came in the form of a facepalm._

 _Raph, as to be expected, was a bit more vocal about it._

" _You've lived without a brain all these years! I think you can live without the TV for one night!"_

" _Hey!"_

 _When his baby brother's whining conveniently provided him with a temporary distraction, Donnie turned and attempted to make his way towards his lab, but he only managed to get a few feet away from the couch before a hand grabbed him by the elbow._

 _The genius turtle spun back around to see it was Leo who had nabbed him. Donnie hadn't even realized that his oldest brother had gotten up off the couch. That was one of the downsides of living with a bunch of highly-trained ninjas . . ._

" _Not so fast, Donnie. You can get the generator after you've answered the question. Now take a seat."_

" _But I – I did answer the question! Besides, I think getting the backup generator up and running is a little more important than sitting around playing games. No offense."_

" _Sit down, Donnie." The tone of Leo's voice made it all too clear that what he had said wasn't a suggestion. It was an order._

 _Still, Donnie failed to sit down as instructed. Sometimes, he could be even more stubborn than Raph._

" _With all due respect, Leo, I'd rather not. I'd feel a lot better if I was doing something to get us prepared in the event that this power failure turns out to be a long-term thing." Feeling he had provided his brothers with a reasonable enough excuse, Donnie pulled his arm free from Leo's grasp and was about to walk away when his hotheaded brother abruptly put an end to his plans._

" _Sit your butt down, Brainiac!"_

 _Not wanting to suffer the wrath of Raph, Donnie immediately plunked down onto the couch without further dispute._

 _Leo stood there, staring at all three of his brothers in disbelief, not quite sure which one he was the most disgusted with right now. Donatello for not listening to him, but listening to Raph without question. Raphael for barking out orders like he was the leader of the team and having no trouble getting Donatello to follow those orders. Or Michelangelo for eating a bunch of his popcorn when he wasn't paying attention._

 _Deciding they were all equally deserving of his disapproval, Leonardo gave each of his brothers a stern look, but not one of them seemed to care. It was either that or perhaps they hadn't been able to see his expression on account of the power outage. At least, that was what Leo was trying convince himself in order to make himself feel better about his brothers completely ignoring him._

" _Okay, I'm sitting. So what was the question again?" While Donnie posed his inquiry, he leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms resentfully. There was no mistaking that he was pouting over being forced to participate._

" _Oh, like we're supposed to believe Mr. Photographic Memory here doesn't remember the question." Now it was Raph's turn to cross his arms resentfully once again._

 _Feeling a little left out, Mikey crossed his arms as well, but not out of resentment like his two big brothers. He was just doing it to fit in._

 _In the meantime, Leonardo hadn't even noticed that all three of his brothers had struck the same pose. He was more interested in why his genius brother was trying so darn hard to avoid their conversation. "You know the question, Donnie. What would you do if you were human?"_

" _And the answer is still I don't know. Can I go now?" The response came out much gruffer than what they were used to hearing from their most passive brother._

" _No, not until you give us a real answer. And don't try to tell us you haven't thought about it before, because we all know you that you have. So . . . what would you do if you could be anything you wanted? Think about it, Donnie. You could be a rocket scientist, a member of Mensa, a famous inventor, a nuclear physicist, a world-renowned writer, the CEO of a major company, a brain surgeon, a college professor – with your intelligence, the possibilities would be endless." It sounded as though Leonardo had put a great deal of thought into what Donatello could be. Evidently even more so than Donnie himself had._

" _Yeah, dude! You could be like one of those mad scientists, all shell-bent on taking over the world! Or you could be a Noble Peace Pipe Winner!"_

 _Unlike Leonardo, Mikey clearly hadn't given what Donatello could be a heck of a lot of thought. But then again, thinking things through had never been one of Mikey's strong points._

" _Okay, first, it's 'Nobel Peace Prize Winner,' Mikey, and second, if I could be anything I wanted to be, why on Earth would I choose to be a mad scientist? You know that 'mad' means insane, right?"_

" _Uh, yeah . . . I totally knew that, bro," Mikey lied, poorly._

" _And if you guys insist on dragging this whole thing out, my answer is none of the above. I was telling you the truth when I said I don't think about stuff like that. For starters, it's not scientifically possible for me to be human, so thinking about what I would do if I was human would be highly illogical? Remember, we're mutated Red-eared sliders, not humans like Master Splinter. If we were given a batch of retro-mutagen, we'd simply transform back into Trachemys scripta elegans." When Donnie noticed his brothers' puzzled stares after he reeled off their species' trinomial name, he dumbened things down a notch for those in the room not familiar with taxonomy. "In other words, we'd turn into regular, semi-aquatic terrapins. Just like we were when Sensei purchased us from that pet store."_

 _Raph curled his upper lip into a sneer and said, "Man, you really know how to suck the fun out of everything, don't you?"_

 _Donnie rolled his eyes before continuing. "My point is, I don't spend a lot of time contemplating 'what-if I were human' scenarios because I don't see it as value-added." Even though Donatello was trying his best to pass his answer off as just facts and nothing more, Leo could see the contradictory signals his genius brother was unwittingly giving off. Donnie's eyes were darting back and forth as if he was nervous. Not only that, but he was drumming his fingers against his thighs and gnawing away on his bottom lip. These were all sure signs he was hiding something._

" _I don't believe that, Donnie. I guarantee you think about it more than you're letting on. And why wouldn't you? Out of all of us, you're the one who would stand to gain the most from being human."_

" _How do you figure that?" Donnie asked, raising an eye ridge quizzically, curious to know just what Leo had meant by such a statement._

" _Well, your IQ is probably right up there with Einstein or that Stephen Hawking guy. Maybe even higher, but we'll never know because you're stuck down here in the sewers. You're forced to hide away from the world when you should be out there changing it. If any of us are truly being held back by our mutation, it's you Donnie." As Leo lowered himself down onto the couch beside his smartest brother, the leader's face fell into a remorseful frown. He truly looked saddened by what he had just said. That's because he was._

 _Ever since Leonardo could remember, he had despised the fact that they were all forced to live underground, but he really, really despised the fact that Donatello was forced to live underground. Leo had often thought about the amazing things his gifted brother would be capable of if it weren't for their strange circumstances. He hated that Donnie's immense talents and brilliance were limited by their unacceptable physical appearances and their lack of resources._

 _Yes, Leo was well aware that his genius brother had accomplished and created many extraordinary things despite their living conditions, but the leader in blue also knew there was still so much untapped potential inside of Donnie just waiting to come out. Leonardo had always wondered what kinds of astonishing things his second youngest brother could do if he wasn't forced to work out of the sewers using mostly recycled and broken down parts from junkyards. Just how much more could Donnie achieve if he wasn't hindered by his mutation? As Donnie's big brother, Leo wished he could improve their quality of living so that his brainy brother could have the opportunity to do the incredible things he was meant to do. Leo would do anything to make the world a better place for Donnie's genius to shine, not be hidden away in the dark, dank New York City sewer system._

 _Little did Leo know, his negative vision of the world and their circumstances was far different than how Donnie viewed things._

" _Held back? If that's how you think I feel, I can assure you I've never thought of myself as being held back or being stuck. The way I feel is quite the contrary." Even in the darkness, Donnie's brothers could see the resolve wash over their intellectual brother's face._

 _Leonardo was slightly taken aback by the tenacity that was suddenly pouring off Donnie. It was as if what Leo had said had flipped a switch inside of his genius brother. Donatello was acting like a totally different turtle than just moments before._

" _I – I guess I just always thought that you, of all turtles, probably regret our lot in life the most because you could be so much more if you were up there." Leonardo reached out and placed a hand on top of his brainy brother's shoulder, giving it a good squeeze as if to suggest he was there for him and it was okay for Donnie to tell him how he really felt._

 _That was when Donnie did tell Leo how he really felt, but what he revealed was not at all what the oldest turtle was anticipating._

" _Honestly, down here has always been enough for me. Even if I could, I wouldn't change anything about our circumstances. All those things you listed off that I could be doing if I was human . . . I don't want to do any of that stuff, because it would mean I would have to be away from you guys. No prestigious job or title is worth that. The fact of the matter is, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I could be doing, because I'm already doing exactly what I want with my life, and that's fighting beside you guys every day. What I want is to be with my family . . . always. I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world. You three and Sensei are everything to me. You guys . . . you mean more to me than life itself." Despite the fact that a pesky sob had been dead set on interrupting him while he was trying to tell his brothers how he felt about them, Donnie had somehow made it through the whole confession without stopping to swallow, which was quite an impressive feat._

 _When Donatello looked around, he could see his brothers' eyes were all fixed on him. The realization made his cheeks flush with embarrassment once again. He certainly hadn't intended for all that personal information to come spilling out, but once he started talking, it had been like a snowball effect. The words had just kept rolling out of his mouth uncontrollably, and before he knew it, he had said more than he had meant to. A lot more than he had meant to. After all, he was supposed to be the shy, reserved one, not the tell-all, straightforward one._

 _Humiliated beyond measure, the turtle in purple was seriously contemplating making a break for his lab and locking himself inside until he could invent a time machine to go back and undo the last five minutes or so._

 _Before Donatello could decide on whether or not to flee the scene, Mikey pushed himself up off the couch and rushed over to his brainy big brother. All the while, the youngest turtle kept shaking his hands out in front of himself as though he was trying to dry freshly applied fingernail polish._

 _Donnie cringed, not liking where this was going. Mikey looked like he was about to spontaneously combust with emotion. No good ever came from that kind of reaction._

" _OMG, D! That's like the most beautifullest thing I've ever heard anyone say," Mikey gushed out, enveloping Donnie in one of the most haphazard hugs of all times._

 _Fighting off the natural urge to correct his baby brother's improper usage of grammar, Donnie humored Mikey and awkwardly patted him on the arm as the orange-masked turtle squeezed him from the side. Mikey hummed in utter content while he continued to hold onto Donnie for dear life and cuddle up against him. The brainy turtle grimaced, just hoping that the hug would hurry up and end before Raph decided to start poking fun at them._

 _It didn't . . ._

" _Are you sure it's not the lamest thing you've ever heard?" The red-clad turtle asked with his usual deadpan finesse, earning him a 'shut up, Raph' glare from Leo._

 _There was no mistaking that Leonardo was ticked off. That's because he realized that part of the reason why Donnie was so self-conscious about sharing his inner emotions or telling anyone when something was bothering him was because of stupid comments like the one Raph had just made._

 _Upon seeing that his older brother was disgusted with him, Raph simply shrugged his shoulders, not the least bit concerned._

" _I think what Raph was trying to say in his own special way, is that your answer was the best one of the night, Donnie." Glaring at his hotheaded brother for a few more lingering seconds, Leo then shifted a proud gaze on Donatello. The oldest turtle pressed his lips into a warm smile and gave his smartest brother's shoulder another good squeeze, being careful not to interfere with whatever it was that Mikey was trying to do to poor Donnie. It looked more to Leo like a wrestling hold than the hug it was probably intended to be._

 _To say Mikey could be a bit overzealous at times would be a severe understatement._

 _Donnie smiled sheepishly back at Leo, and all of a sudden, Mikey hanging off him didn't seem quite so humiliating. The brainy turtle finally stopped trying to remove his clingy brother and just let the younger turtle finish assailing him with affection._

 _A huge grin stretched across Leonardo's face as he watched his two youngest brothers. He was tempted to pry Mikey off Donnie, but his baby brother didn't appear to be hurting his genius brother. That and it was almost too cute to ruin the moment._

" _We all feel the same way about you, Donnie. I hope you know that. And thank you for being the only one brave enough to say what you did. Sometimes, we forget to take the time to remind each other how much we really mean to one another and to say how important our family is to us." It had sounded as though Leo was reading scripture straight out of the book of Splinter._

 _Raph was just about to start mercilessly harassing Leonardo for his cheesy motivational speech when the lights came back on. The return of power instantly derailed the red-masked turtle's train of thought and incidentally spared the fearless leader from another onslaught of verbal abuse._

" _Well, it's about freakin' time! If we would've done any more of that sharing and caring crap, I would've puked all over the couch."_

" _We love you, too, Raph."_

" _Yeah, yeah, Brainiac."_

 _Although Raph had tried to act all apathetic, Donnie could see that the edges of his temperamental brother's mouth were ever-so slightly curved upwards into a thin smile. The genius turtle knew that that barely detectable smile was the closest he was going to get to Raph saying 'I love you, too.' The main thing was that the sentiment was there, and that was good enough for Donnie._

 _Once Mikey finally released his hold on him and Leo started the movie back up, Donatello curled up on the couch with his half-eaten bowl of popcorn in his lap and a huge grin plastered on his face. He was perfectly content in the knowledge that he had the best three brothers a turtle could ever ask for. Sure, they all drove him crazy sometimes, but nevertheless, they were still his greatest gift._

* * *

That night seemed to Donatello like centuries ago in light of everything that had happened since. That feeling of closeness and fulfillment seemed so very far away and it felt as though that kind of happiness was now out of reach, never to be ascertained again.

If Donnie could go back to that particular moment in his life, he would do so in a heartbeat. Truth be told, he would go back to any other moment in time before all of _this_ had happened.

" _What I want is to be with my family . . . always. I wouldn't give that up for anything in the world."_

One would have thought that such a fond memory would have made Donatello feel better, but in all actuality, it couldn't have possibly made him feel any worse.

So much had changed since that night.

So many things were different now.

Donnie's eyes drifted to the hideous scar on his shoulder, scrutinizing over it with profound sadness. Tears clouded his vision as he lifted up one hand and traced his fingertips over the jagged edges surrounding the void in his carapace. The hole was wide enough that he could insert his finger and touch the marred skin underneath his shell.

The damage was irreversible.

He could see it. He could feel it.

He would never be the same.

" _I'm already doing exactly what I want with my life, and that's fighting beside you guys every day."_

Now that the bandages and the sling weren't there to hide his injury from plain sight, Donnie could see the extent of the destruction Grizzgore and Tiger Claw had inflicted upon his shoulder. The scar was like a tattoo, forever reminding him of that night. In the back of his mind, he could still see his captors attacking him without compassion. He could still feel his own bo-staff piercing his body. He could still smell the blood and the burnt flesh.

That repelling scar on his shoulder reminded him that everything he had ever fought for and trained for was now lost. In the blink of an eye, his wish to always fight beside his brothers was gone.

 _"You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us."_

It was all gone.

He had always been the weakest fighter, but now, he couldn't fight at all.

" _I can't babysit you all of the time!"_

All Donnie had ever wanted to do was be more like his brothers. He just wanted to make them proud and bravely fight beside them, come what may. So long as he was with his brothers, that was all that mattered to him. But now, one bad decision had taken it all away. One fateful night had ruined everything.

Just like that, he had lost the ability to fight.

" _If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . "_

He was nothing but a liability now. He couldn't fight. He couldn't fix things. He couldn't do anything right.

" _All this time we were waiting around for you to fix things, we could have been doing it ourselves."_

His brothers didn't need him. Not anymore. Not ever again. Everything he knew . . . everything he had been . . . everything he wanted . . . It was all lost. All because of some stupid fight between him and his brothers.

Donnie's entire body started to shake uncontrollably with long, racking sobs.

It was too much. It was all just too much.

He swathed his arms around himself and buried his face against his knees. For the first time since his capture, he couldn't hold back his anguish. It all came flooding out like a dam had broken. Alone, in the confines of his room, he finally fell apart. As his whole world collapsed around him, he couldn't stop himself from crying convulsively. He wasn't strong enough to stop the tears anymore. He wasn't strong enough to pretend like nothing was wrong. He wasn't strong enough for them.

He never had been.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: It probably goes without saying that the next chapter is**_ _ **extremely**_ _ **emotional. It's also extremely long. I may have to break it into two parts. We'll see.**_

 _ **About this chapter . . . I have to admit that this is my very favorite flashback in the story, but maybe that's just because Donnie is my favorite turtle and I'm a bit biased. What do all of you think? Which of the brothers' flashbacks was your favorite? Oh, and just so you know, there is still one more flashback scene left to go in this story. One member of the family hasn't had his turn yet . . . ;)**_

 _ **As always, please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' or any of my other stories if you are enjoying them. I really would love to know if you like them and I always enjoy hearing from all of you. Plus, it would be nice to know how many people are still with me 38 chapters in.**_

 _ **A big thanks to everyone who read and reviewed my latest 'TMNT Shell Shot'**_ _**last week. I really appreciate it.**_

 _ **Thank you all very, very much for reading. Take care. CJ ;)**_


	39. Chapter 39 - Lost in the Fight - Part 1

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Chapter 39 of 'Lost in the Fight' is here and it appropriately shares the same title as the story. I decided to split the original chapter into two parts so everyone didn't have to wait too long for an update. I'll warn you in advance, this one's a bit of a tearjerker. ;_;**_

 _ **Thank you very, very much for reading 'LITF' and thank you for everything you have all done for me.**_

 _ ****Special Note: I want to thank guest reviewer "maddie" for leaving me 38 reviews for 'Lost in the Fight' over the past couple weeks. I was truly overwhelmed by all the amazing comments you left me. Thank you for the wonderful feedback!**_

 _ **Okay, let's get onto the chapter.**_

* * *

 **Chapter 39 – Lost in the Fight – Part 1**

The sight of Donatello coiled up into a ball in the corner of his room, shuddering and weeping with hitched breaths, was so gut-wrenching, it nearly made Leo's steadfast composure fail on the spot. The leader in blue had to hold his own breath to stop a sob from slipping out.

Leonardo couldn't remember the last time he had seen his second youngest brother out-and-out cry like this, if ever. Sure, he had seen Donnie upset plenty of times, and had even seen him shed tears on occasion, but _this_ far surpassed anything the oldest turtle could recall and it scared him to see his injured brother in such a traumatized state. In fact, Donatello was so overwhelmed with grief right now, Leonardo was pretty sure his little brother hadn't even noticed they had entered the room.

Of course, had Donatello been more cognizant of what was going on around him, he would have probably pitched a holy fit over what Raph had just done to his door in order for them to gain entrance into his room. That was the one and only saving grace of their genius brother being so out of it at the moment.

After the initial shock wore off, Leonardo rushed over to Donnie and crouched down beside him. In an attempt to console his visibly distraught brother, Leo placed one hand on the back of Donatello's shell and squeezed his other hand around his younger sibling's nearest arm. At a complete loss for what to do next, the oldest turtle looked up at Raph and Mikey with a troubled expression that silently begged his other two brothers for help.

Sensing Leo's anxiety, and feeling it as well, Raph moved to the other side of Donatello and took a careful yet firm hold of him. The turtle in red then gave Leonardo a short nod and the two oldest brothers gently hoisted Donnie up, hauling his quivering form over to his bed where Mikey was waiting with a blanket to wrap around him. As soon as Donatello was set down on the mattress, the youngest turtle bundled his brainy brother up with all the tenderness of a mother lovingly swaddling an infant.

Sadly, the movement didn't lessen Donnie's breakdown any. He continued to shake and sob out of control, hiccupping on air that seemed to be getting noticeably thinner.

Donatello wasn't the only turtle in the room having a tough time breathing.

Wanting nothing more than to comfort his hurting brother, Leonardo climbed up onto the bed and positioned himself in front of Donnie so that he could wrap his arms around his genius brother's carapace and pull him into his chest. The position was rather awkward, since Donnie was still curled up into a ball and the splint on his leg was now pinned in between the two of them, but Leo didn't mind. He would sit like that for an entire month of Sundays – and then some – if Donnie needed him to. He would do whatever it took to make his little brother feel whole again.

"It's okay, Donnie. We're here."

Leonardo could feel Donatello trembling in his arms and it just made the leader pull his crying brother even tighter up against his body. The older turtle then rested his cheek on the top of Donnie's head, shushing his brother quietly as he gently rocked him.

Mikey was the next one to climb up onto the bed. He settled in behind Donnie, sitting on his brainy brother's flattened pillow. The youngest turtle's shell was just about touching the headboard of the bed, so he scooched up closer to his big brother and leaned against one side of his carapace. Michelangelo then began to rub the other side of Donnie's carapace in slow, circular motions, trying to ease his brother's suffering. It was what his super smart brother always did for him when he was really upset about something and it always managed to make him feel better. Mikey just hoped it would have the same soothing effect on Donnie.

The only turtle left standing watched the scene through slightly glossy, green eyes.

There was currently no room left on the bed, even if Raph wanted to climb up there. Leo and Mikey were effectively hogging all the space surrounding their genius brother, leaving maybe an inch or two to spare. Raph would've shoved one of his brothers over to make room for himself if not for Donnie being so inconsolable right now.

In a major breach of character, the hotheaded turtle approached the bed and delicately cupped a hand over the back of Donatello's neck, handling his little brother with the greatest of care, even when loathing started to bubble and boil in his veins like molten hot lava. Raph hated feeling his brainiac brother violently shaking underneath his hand. He hated hearing his brother's heartbroken sobs fill the room. He hated seeing any of his brothers in pain. But most of all, he hated feeling so damn helpless. If there was anything Raphael could have done to make Donnie's torment go away, he would have done it in an instant, but therein lay the problem.

No one could figure out how to make Donnie's torment go away . . .

But they'd be shelled if they weren't going to try.

All three of Donatello's brothers protectively held onto him, watching over him while he continued to weep. Every so often, they would have to relinquish their grip on him in order to wipe away the moisture from their own eyes.

As the sound of Donatello's sobbing gradually grew softer, his brothers' grips steadily grew stronger, knowing that once he stopped crying, he would need all their strength.

No additional words were spoken as the three turtles waited for their genius brother to come back to them, letting him take all the time and expend all the tears he needed to.

* * *

After what seemed like an infinity had passed, Donatello slowly became aware of his surroundings and his brothers' presence beside him.

Keeping his face concealed from their view, the intellectual turtle tried desperately to regain his poise, while at the same time, assessing the situation. Since he had no recollection of getting up and moving from the spot where he had last been coherent, he could only assume that his brothers were the reason he was no longer cowering in the corner like a blubbering fool.

 _No, now you're just cowering like a blubbering fool someplace else_ _. . ._

From what he could see through the thin gap between himself and one of his brothers, he was now on his bed. He could feel a blanket and several hands upon him.

Not about to lift his head up to see which brother was where, Donnie let his brain do all the work. As near as he could tell, someone had their arms and hands interlocked securely around him from the front, pinning him against them. Someone else was clutching the back of his neck, while a third someone was caressing his shell. There was a head rested upon his own and he was pretty sure there was another head laid on his good shoulder. Based on his preliminary findings, he had concluded that there were two brothers on the bed with him and one standing adjacent to him. If his intuition and his internal brother positioning system ( _BPS_ ) served him correctly, the turtle in front of him was Leo ( _at the helm and strong like a rock_ ), the turtle behind him was Mikey ( _touchy-feely and incapable of sitting still for more than a few seconds at a time_ ), and the turtle not on the bed was Raph ( _not the cuddly type and squeezing him considerably harder than his other two siblings_ ).

Scrunching his face up into a grimace, Donnie silently cursed himself when it suddenly occurred to him that all three of his brothers had been there to behold his total mental breakdown. Just what he needed. An audience to witness what was single-handedly his least finest moment.

 _Like they didn't already think I was an incompetent weakling as it was . . ._

Beyond mortified, Donnie attempted to bury his face even deeper into his legs. He was bound and determined to stay hidden away from his brothers' sympathetic stares for the rest of his life, or at least until they left the room, which he was guessing wasn't going to happen any time soon.

A whimper made it all the way up to his throat, but he managed to swallow it back down.

He didn't want his brothers to see him this way. Not after the epic meltdown he had just had. He was sure he looked a fright.

What he did want was a bottle of aspirin and a box of tissues, but he wasn't about to loosen the rigid ball he was curled up into to go get such items.

Tightening his crisscrossed arms around himself, Donnie could feel his muscles still occasionally jerking with phantom sobs, almost like his whole body had a bad case of the hiccups. Most likely, his brothers could feel his sporadic twitching as well, which just added to his humiliation.

After several long minutes of forcing himself to use inhaling and exhaling as a natural sedative, Donnie's muscle spasms eventually stopped. As an added bonus, his tears seemed to have stopped as well. He had finally regained control of his composure – more or less – and he was starting to think much clearer than before, which wasn't necessarily a good thing.

His thoughts hadn't exactly been all that inspirational as of late.

Now that Donatello was no longer crying, the room had fallen unnervingly silent. The genius turtle presumed that his brothers were waiting for him to say something, but they should have known by now that voluntary communication during troubled times was not one of his fortes. In fact, he was already trying to think of some way to get out of this predicament.

 _Think, Donatello, think!_

Obviously, running away wasn't an option since all three of his brothers already had at least one hand on him. His usual go-to method of blowing the whole thing off as though it was nothing wasn't going to do the trick either. Not after his brothers had just seen him bawling like a baby.

 _Ugh!_

Starting to grasp at straws, Donnie contemplated stretching the truth a bit and blaming his over-emotional reaction on a possible concussion brought on by the explosion. But even though the old "it must be the concussion" excuse had seemed to work for everything else, the brainy turtle just couldn't bring himself to flat-out lie about being injured. That was wrong on all levels. Plus, if he pretended to have another concussion, Mikey would just start asking him to "say something big" every five minutes again.

 _Maybe they should put me out of my misery and just have me committed. I wonder if they make straightjackets in my size . . ._

Donatello had no sooner begun to think about padded cells when subtle movement from in front of him snapped him out of his thoughts. He immediately realized that the small haven of isolation he had created with his entwined body parts was about to be invaded.

"Donnie?" Arose Leonardo's voice, so caring and so marinated with sincerity and concern it easily brought Donatello to the brink of tears once again, but he refused to make an even bigger fool of himself than he already had. His brothers had more than enough cause not to respect him anymore. He certainly didn't need to give them further reason to think he was a disgrace.

His best defense was to stay curled up in the shelter of his ball.

 _Forever . . ._

"Donnie."

 _. . . and ever. . ._

"Donnie?"

In response to Leo uttering his name a third time, Donatello sunk his fingertips deeper into the flesh of his taut triceps, holding onto his arms as though his very life depended on him maintaining his grip.

He wasn't about to let them in.

But his brothers had never been ones to take 'no' for an answer.

A sudden sense of dread swept over the genius turtle when he felt the weight of his oldest brother's head lift off his own. To make matters even more stressful, Donnie then felt one of Leonardo's arms pull away from his shoulder. There was no doubt in Donatello's mind that Leo had something in store for that newly freed up arm.

Sure enough, within seconds of Leo retracting his limb, Donatello felt a hand push its way through the small space between his knees and start reaching for his face.

Despite the brainy turtle's best efforts to avoid the incoming hand, Leonardo soon managed to wedge his palm underneath his younger brother's chin and lift Donatello's head up against his will. What Leo saw when he forced Donnie's head up instantly filled his heart with remorse and his eyes with tears. The look on his little brother's face was far more tragic than anything Leonardo ever remembered seeing. The lost and broken expression was worse than the look Donnie had gotten when he realized he couldn't save Timothy or Metalhead or when April had blamed them for her father's mutation and told them that she never wanted to see them again. Heck, the look was even worse than the one Donnie had worn after Leo and Raph had attacked him.

That look only fueled Leonardo's determination to get through to his brother. Well, that look and the sound of Master Splinter's voice resonating inside his head . . .

" _Your brother's spirit is broken and I am uncertain how to repair the damage that has been done. We cannot force your brother to talk to us, or we risk him pushing us even further away, but if he does not let us in, we could lose him to the darkness consuming him. For his sake, we must figure out how to reach him before it is too late. I believe you may be the only one who can achieve this._ _Please, help him, Leonardo_. _"_

All Leonardo wanted to do was help Donnie, but he didn't know how, and now, they were losing him to that darkness Master Splinter had warned him about. It was painfully obvious that Donatello was waging an internal war with himself and he was losing the battle. Leo couldn't let Donnie fight that battle alone anymore. It was slowly destroying him.

It was slowly destroying _all_ of them.

Leo had to find a way to help Donnie win this war . . .

" _I swear to you, father, I will find a way to get through to him. I promise we won't lose him."_

He had made a vow . . .

"Donnie, please. We're only trying to help you." Leonardo gently traced his thumb along his wounded brother's jawline and was struck by a pang of guilt when he felt Donnie start to tremble once again. For a moment, Leo considered releasing his hold on Donnie's chin, but something compelled him to hold on. Perhaps it was his growing fear of losing his brother . . .

While Donatello's head may have been lifted up, his eyes were not. His gaze was focused on the bedding below him, purposely avoiding all three of his brothers' stares. All the while, he attempted to wriggle free from his oldest brother's hold in hopes of returning to hiding, but Leo's grip on his jaw was unyielding.

"You can't shut us out like this anymore. Can't you see what a toll it's taking on you? You don't have to do this on your own, Donnie. We're all here for you." Moving his head back and forth, Leo tried to insinuate himself into Donnie's line of sight.

Always the stubborn one, the genius turtle still managed to keep his eyes from meeting his oldest brother's.

That's when another brother joined in on the intervention of sorts.

"You've gotta talk to us, Donnie."

Before his hotheaded brother even got halfway through his sentence, Donatello felt a callused hand slide from the back of his neck up to the top of his head and start softly patting him. It wasn't the demeaning type of patting that he had come to hate so much. This was an affectionate and comforting gesture he would have never thought his most temperamental brother was even capable of.

It was now verging on impossible for Donatello to keep his emotions in check. His body was shivering out of control from his feeble attempts to restrain his anguish. He knew all three of his brothers were staring at him, most likely looking at him as though he was defective.

They were right.

He was defective!

He was supposed to be the smart one, but yet, he couldn't find a logical solution for something that seemed so glaringly simple. This wasn't rocket science or quantum mechanics. It wasn't some complex piece of equipment or sophisticated Kraang technology. This was all just in his head. So why couldn't he just get past it? Why couldn't things just go back to the way they were before?

What should have been a cry for help all but died in his throat, coming out as a barely detectable gasp for air instead. That tiny squeak of sound was the audible byproduct of him internalizing his pain.

He didn't know what to do anymore.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't fix what was wrong him and it was killing him inside.

"I . . . I can't. Please . . . just leave me alone." Donnie's voice shattered like glass as he made the request for solitude. He could feel the sting of salty tears coming on, so he closed his puffy, red-rimmed eyes to conceal the hurt that existed there. He didn't want his brothers to see him in such a fragile state. He just wanted them to go away and leave him to his misery.

"Not gonna happen, Donnie." The words that emanated from Raph's lips were spoken with such conviction, it made the genius turtle shudder inside his shell.

The thin hold Donnie had on his composure was slipping away. Out of sheer desperation, he tried and failed to jerk his head free from Leonardo's relentless grasp. "Please, just go . . . P – Please."

"We're not going anywhere, little brother. Not until you talk to us. Look at me, Donnie."

Instead of granting his oldest brother's rather straightforward request to look at him, Donnie simply increased his resistance. When Leo felt his genius brother attempting to get away, he tightened his grip on Donatello's jaw and twisted his head so their eyes met.

Though Leo's intentions had been good, what resulted from his forcible actions was quite the opposite of good. The oldest turtle didn't realize that he had just inadvertently triggered a powerful memory Donnie had repressed since the night he had been captured.

Unbeknownst to his three brothers, the genius turtle was suddenly trapped inside a waking nightmare.

He was back in that awful warehouse.

He was reliving that horrible night.

He was with _them_.

"No . . . Please . . . L – Let me go." The appeal was nothing more than a whimper as Donnie cringed away from his oldest brother as though he was frightened of him, trying to hide behind his legs like they were a shield.

"Donnie, open your eyes and look at me!" Leonardo said in a slightly firmer tone than before, not understanding the real reason why his second youngest brother was acting the way he was. As far as Leo was concerned, Donatello was just being obstinate as usual.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Donnie vigorously shook his head from side to side as he wheezed out the word "no." Only he wasn't saying no to his oldest brother. He was saying no to the vivid flashback haunting his head. In the back of his mind, Donatello could hear Tiger Claw's gravelly voice, dark and menacing . . .

" _You will look at me when I address you, turtle."_

Donnie could feel the cold, sharp blade of Tiger Claw's sword pressed against the skin of his neck, forcing his head up so he had no choice but to look him in the eye.

" _I have grown tired of your insolence, little cub."_

Donnie could remember all the pain and fear he had felt that night.

It all came flooding back to him and he was drowning in it.

" _I will have you know, if not for my orders, I would have gladly killed you by now."_

In a panic, Donatello's eyelids flew open and the look of horror on his face was that of someone staring at something straight out of their worst nightmare.

That something, or rather _somethings_ were Tiger Claw and Grizzgore.

The brainiac turtle's breathing grew more and more erratic as he frantically tried to cower away from his brothers, thinking they were the enemy trying to hurt him again.

"Donnie?"

Though Leonardo was the one actually speaking to him, what Donatello heard was Tiger Claw's threats, crystal-clear, like that ill-fated night was happening all over again . . .

 _"My master wants me to keep you alive, but he didn't say you had to be unharmed. That means I have permission to beat you within an inch of your life if I want to, and believe me, I want to. As long as you're still breathing, I can do anything I want to you."_

What Donatello saw was the Shredder's two huge mutants coming towards him, readying to attack. Their cold, dead eyes void of any semblance of sympathy.

Those monsters were going to hurt him again.

They were going to take him away from his family.

" _I assure you they will never find you."_

" _Once we leave this building, the life you knew will be gone forever."_

"No! Stop! Please! Let me go!" Donnie cried out, finally releasing his hold around his legs so he could fend off whoever got in his way. He flailed his arms wildly about, trying to protect himself.

"Donnie!" The alarm in Leonardo's voice was understandable. His terrified little brother was violently lashing out at something or someone Leo could not see. There was a strange, glazed over look in Donatello's eyes that suggested he was somewhere else at the moment. Where that somewhere else was, Leo had no clue, but it didn't look like a pleasant place to be. If the oldest turtle had to venture a guess, he would say his smartest brother was having some sort of a panic attack or intense flashback. Either way, Leonardo knew that Donnie wasn't in his right mind and it was scaring the shell out of the 'fearless' leader.

"Donatello!" Although Leo's reflexes were lightning fast, they still weren't quite fast enough to completely protect him from getting caught in the crossfire. Before the blue-masked turtle was able to seize hold of his delirious brother's wrists, Donnie had unknowingly gotten a couple of decent hits in, including one to Leonardo's face. Granted, they were glancing blows, but that didn't mean they felt good.

 _I probably deserved that_ , Leo thought dryly, opening his jaw a few times to make sure it was in working order.

"Donnie! Stop!" Raph's voice fluctuated between panic and frustration. He was trying to help Leo and Mikey hold their genius brother still, but Donnie wasn't making it easy by any means. He was thrashing about like a crazy turtle while Leo clung onto his wrists and Raph and Mikey fought to keep him anchored down to the bed.

"Donnie, listen to me! You need to calm down! It's me! Leo! You're safe, Donnie! You're back at the lair with me and Mikey and Raph! We're all here to protect you!" Perhaps against his better judgment, Leo took a chance on letting one of Donnie's wrists go so he could cradle his little brother's face in his hand as he tried once again to get through to him. "It's okay, Donnie. You're home now, safe in your room with your brothers. We won't let anyone hurt you."

Though Donatello's chest was still heaving with short, rough breaths, his brothers could feel his muscles start to relax. They hoped that meant their genius brother was returning from wherever it was he had temporarily gone to inside of his mind.

Donnie's unfocused eyes were attempting to blink away the confusion. All of a sudden, he looked a lot more shocked than scared, like he was gradually piecing together what had just happened. With his heart full of dread, he peered down at his left wrist and saw that it was clenched tightly in Leonardo's hand. All three of his brothers were holding onto him as though they had been trying to –

 _Pin me down?_

 _The warehouse, Tiger Claw, Grizzgore – None of it was real . . ._

 _It was all in my head . . ._

The realization hit him like a freight train.

Apprehensively lifting his head up, Donatello stared at his oldest brother with an expression that screamed out his shame. He then tried to curl himself back up into a ball. "I . . . I'm so sorry, Leo. I – I didn't mean to! I thought . . . thought that you . . . you were – " The sentence died without warning. He was too rattled to finish it.

Leonardo could see the pain radiating in Donnie's eyes and it only made the leader that much more determined to break down his genius brother's defenses.

"Who, Donnie? Who did you think I was?"

Opening his mouth, as if to respond, Donatello instead turned his head away, locking his gaze on the wall next to his bed. Once again, he was attempting to dodge their questions. Once again, he was attempting to push them away.

Enough was enough.

A tenacious scowl settled over Leonardo's features. He was going to the answers he was looking for this time, even if he had to practice a little tough love.

 _No more hiding!_

"Talk to me, Donnie. Who were you so afraid of?"

Donnie gruffly cleared his throat, thinking that might somehow make talking easier. It didn't. "I wasn't . . . I wasn't afraid of anything. I was still just upset from earlier is all."

"Don't act as though it was nothing! I wasn't born yesterday, Donatello! I saw how terrified you were just now!" The crossness in Leonardo's tone took Donnie somewhat by surprise, but the genius turtle soon realized that he had more than earned it. Especially since his oldest brother knew darn well that he had just bald-faced lied to him.

"I know. I'm sorry, Leo."

"I don't want you to tell me that you're sorry. I want you to tell me what made you so afraid just now. Please, just tell me how to help you, Donnie." It hadn't been Leo's intent to make it sound as though he was the only brother in the room with a vested interest in Donatello's emotional well-being. It had just sort of come out that way. Fortunately for the leader, Raph and Mikey had been too focused on their wounded sibling to even notice the oldest turtle's rather self-centered comments.

Releasing his hold on his genius brother's wrist, Leonardo placed his hand on top of Donnie's left knee, which was pulled up close to his plastron. Leo's other hand was still softly pressed against the side of the Donatello's face.

"Donnie, please . . . "

The intellectual turtle shook his head in defiance, still rejecting any offers of assistance or comfort.

"Just tell us what's wrong, little brother, so we can make it better." The usual irritability in Raph's voice was missing, almost making him sound like a total stranger. He then coiled his hand around the back of Donatello's neck for the second time that evening, giving it a gentle squeeze. For the first time in forever, Raphael didn't give a flying flip how sappy the gesture was – and boy it _was_ – so long as his brainiac brother realized that he was genuinely concerned about him.

"Yeah, bro. You gotta let us help you. I just want you to be happy again, D," Mikey added in a much more serious manner than anyone had expected. He then clumsily weaved his arms around Donnie's plastron from behind, pulling himself tightly up against his brainy big brother's carapace as if he was a giant, green backpack.

When Donatello still neglected to respond, Leo took another stab at getting their genius brother to talk.

"Please, Donnie. We know you're scared, but you don't have to go through this alone. It's okay to ask us for help when you need it. We can get through this together, but you have to stop pushing us away. Let. Us. In." Leonardo cupped both of his hands around Donatello's face and leaned his forehead against his wounded brother's before posing the question still burning a hole in his gut. "Tell me, Donnie. What were you so afraid of?"

The close proximity of Leonardo's face initially made Donnie want to either cower in fear or run away. Both seemed like excellent choices, but one look into his oldest brother's unwavering blue eyes gave the genius turtle an inexplicable sense of calm. It felt as though some of Leo's perseverance and resolve had somehow passed itself off onto Donnie via their physical contact, lending the injured turtle the momentary strength needed to answer the question he thought he could not.

That's when it happened.

Finally, after six long weeks, Donatello opened up to his brothers about his ordeal.

Finally, after six long weeks, the healing process truly began.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: This chapter always breaks my heart. Poor Donnie. He's been through so much.**_

 _ **I'm sorry, but I'm not sure when I will be posting the next part of this chapter. I want to thank all of you for the support you have given me. There are no words to express my immense gratitude. I truly appreciate everyone who has taken the time to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on this story or any of my other stories. Thank you so much for reading.**_


	40. Chapter 40 - Lost in the Fight - Part 2

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I've returned with a new chapter of 'Lost in the Fight' and it's another emotional one. Well, more emotional than the average chapter. There's quite a bit of angst in this one.**_

 _ **I can't possibly thank everyone enough for reading my stories or for the incredible amount of support that I've received. Your feedback and encouragement means so much to me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I'm so grateful to you . . . 8}**_

 _ **I really hope that you enjoy the second half of the chapter. Please let me know. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 40 – Lost in the Fight – Part 2**

" _Tell me, Donnie. What were you so afraid of?"_

The words echoed in the back of Donatello's brain as he stared doe-eyed at his oldest brother whose face was now the very epitome of patience, implying that he was willing to wait until the end of time for a response.

" _What were you so afraid of?"_

The question had seemed simple enough, but answering it was anything but simple. Perhaps that was because Donnie suddenly felt as though his mouth was filled with sand and his jaw had been wired shut.

Leonardo must have sensed his genius brother's distress, because he started to ever-so softly tighten his hold on Donnie's face as if to inform him that he wasn't about to let him go. That slight increase in pressure was what ultimately cracked Donatello's walls.

Swallowing thickly several times, Donnie managed to clear his mouth and throat of any obstructions. Still, his voice barely registered above a whisper, but it was loud enough.

"When you, uh . . . When you told me to look at you just now . . . and y – you – you pushed your hand against my neck . . . Well, it, um . . . it reminded me of Tiger Claw. When we were in that warehouse . . . he ordered m – me to look at him when he spoke. He held a sword to my throat and forced me to lift my head up s – so I had to look him in the eye. Then he . . . he threatened to beat me within an inch of my life."

Both shocked and appalled by Donnie's revelation, Leonardo instantly released his hold on his wounded brother's face, afraid he was going to upset him further than he already had. The discovery that he had personally been the one responsible for eliciting such a painful memory made Leo's flesh crawl. He looked down at his hands as though they had just committed the most heinous of crimes, much the same way he had after he had struck Donnie.

 _What is wrong with me? Why do I keep hurting him over and over again?_

Peering back up at Donatello, Leonardo could see the tears glistening in his second youngest brother's eyes. The leader in blue wanted so badly to wrap poor Donnie up in his arms and console him, but he was afraid that too much too soon might cause his introverted brother to put his defenses back up. Leo couldn't risk that. Not when the stronghold that Donnie had worked so hard to build all around him had finally come crumbling down, even if only for a moment.

It was the first time since the incident that Donatello had actually shared something about his time spent with his captors and it brought his three brothers newfound hope that they were finally getting through to their troubled sibling. Of course, at the same time, what Donnie had just revealed had instantly infuriated all three of his brothers.

Not surprisingly, Raph had taken the disclosure the worst. He looked as though he was about to burst into flames.

Hearing Donnie say that Tiger Claw had threatened to beat him within an inch of his life made the hotheaded turtle's chest burn with uncontrollable rage. He had to clench his teeth to bite back a roar. Raphael had seen the horrific injuries those monsters had inflicted upon his little brother, so he was more than aware that Donnie had been put through torture that night. But somehow actually hearing Donatello say it out loud made it seem so much worse. Just the thought of Tiger Claw and that mutant bear brutally beating his quiet and passive brother was hard enough to stomach as it was. Listening to Donnie put the torment he had gone through into words was agonizing.

As he watched his younger brother struggle just to look them in the eyes anymore, Raph once again mentally cussed himself out for letting Shredder's good-for-nothing goons walk away after what they had done. Granted, neither one of them had left that warehouse totally unscathed, but at least they had been able to walk, or rather stagger, away. Those jerks hadn't shown Donnie the same courtesy.

The mere memory of his brainiac brother lying there lifeless on that rooftop nearly sent Raph over the edge.

There was no mistaking that the red-masked turtle was beside himself with anger.

Leonardo cast a foreboding glance in Raph's direction, as if to wordlessly tell his belligerent brother to curb his temper or else.

The bundles of muscles in Raphael's neck were scrunched up so tight, they were bulging out and it looked as though he was going to tear something and perhaps internally decapitate himself, which Leo had never thought possible up until now.

Despite the fury now surging through him like a firestorm, Raph did an admirable job of keeping his emotions in check, but he didn't know how long he'd be able to hold all his indignation back. Especially if Donnie started to get into specifics about what had happened that night.

Although a part of Raphael wasn't sure if he could handle hearing any additional details about what Tiger Claw had done to his little brother, another part of him needed to know the truth. The latter part won.

"Was that before or after that creep stabbed you in the shoulder and busted your leg?" As Raph posed the question, his voice sounded almost calm and collected. Only a scant trace of his aggravation came through, which was quite the accomplishment for the resident hothead.

 _And they say I need anger management classes. Pfft! Obviously, I can manage my anger perfectly fine on my own._

There was a long pause that followed Raphael's question that swiftly stole away his confidence. He was afraid that his rather blunt inquiry had caused his withdrawn little brother to retreat right back into lockdown mode.

Then, Donnie stunned all three of his brothers by answering the question without any further prying.

"After. It was actually Grizzgore that stabbed me in the shoulder when I tried to fight back at the junkyard. And then, Tiger Claw . . . h – he broke my leg when I tried to fight back at the warehouse. I, uh, guess you could say it was a team effort."

Even though the content of Donatello's response was utterly disturbing, the sarcasm in what the genius turtle had said came as an unexpected breath of fresh air. Donnie just wasn't Donnie without the sarcasm. It was good to hear it back in his repertoire.

"You didn't go poking the bear with your stick, did you?"

This question made Donnie's face turn down into a slight pout. Even his most reckless and careless brother knew better than to poke a bear with a stick.

 _Apparently, my brain never got the memo . . ._

"Yeah, I just had to go and prove the old expression to be true. Unfortunately, Grizzgore had no qualms about poking a turtle with a stick. I believe the moral of the story here is, it's best not to fight back when you're outnumbered and facing two angry mutants more than twice your size."

"So how'd they transport you to the warehouse?" The answer to this question probably wasn't all that critical to the story, but at this point, Leo was just trying his darnedest to keep Donatello talking about his ordeal. The oldest turtle wanted to get as much information as possible out of Donnie just in case he decided to shut off the lines of communication once again.

"To tell you the truth, I – I don't really know. After Grizzgore beat the shell out of me and s – stabbed me with my own weapon, he – " Donnie had to stop mid-sentence in order to harness his unstable composure.

Leonardo could see his injured brother was struggling with the words. The blue-clad turtle reached forward and took one of Donnie's hands in his own, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Donnie drew in a deep breath to steady himself before continuing. "He slammed my head against the ground until I started to lose consciousness. Tiger Claw was kind enough to stop Grizzgore from killing me, but only because he had orders to keep me alive. After that, Tiger Claw pulled my bo-staff out of my shoulder and I started bleeding out. That's the last thing I remember before coming to at the warehouse." As painful as it had been to relive that traumatizing memory, Donatello was impressed that he had somehow managed to get all that off his chest without a single sob.

A low growl rattled around in the back of Raphael's throat and Leonardo was quick to flash his volatile brother another foreboding look.

Letting out a spiteful grunt, Raph spun around and took to pacing laps around Donnie's cramped room.

With Raph's temper momentarily contained, Leo attempted to keep the story rolling. "Is that when you made your T-phone self-destruct?"

Anxiously gnawing on the inside of his bottom lip, Donnie tried to ignore the uneasy feeling wading in the pit of his gut. He knew precisely what his oldest brother was doing. Always tactical Leo was strategically prodding him for more information as a means of keeping him talking, but Donnie felt as though he had shared quite enough for one evening.

 _Or maybe it's morning . . ._

After all that had transpired, the genius turtle wasn't even sure what time it was at this point.

Donnie looked up at Leo, purposely widening his reddish-brown eyes to their fullest extent, hoping the big, adorable eyes gambit might hypnotize his big brother into following his every command. Or perhaps more realistically, the sad puppy look might appeal to the oldest turtle's sense of pity and make him decide to wave the question off.

The plan could have worked if it weren't for Donnie's easily guilted conscience. The second he saw the worried expression on Leonardo's face, Donatello felt obligated to answer the query, convinced that not responding would be right on par with lying.

 _Stupid Leo and his stupid mind control tricks! Sometimes I swear he's figured out a way to get inside our heads._

Donnie sighed inwardly before responding.

"No . . . When I woke up, I was kind of out of it and I didn't even notice my T-phone was gone. After things started to come back into focus, I realized that I was tied up in the warehouse and there was no one in sight. I managed to get my legs untied and tried to get away, but that's when my T-phone went off and I found out I wasn't alone. Tiger Claw and Grizzgore jumped down from the catwalk above me and threatened that I . . . that I would never walk again if I didn't answer my phone. They wanted me to tell you guys I was fine and would be home soon . . . but I made the phone self-destruct instead."

"That's why that monster broke your leg?" Raph abruptly ceased his pacing about the room so he could stand beside his brothers again. The pacing was supposed to help calm his nerves, but it had done nothing of the sort. In fact, Donnie telling them that Shredder's mutants had told him that they would make it so he would never walk again had made the flames of Raph's rage burn even brighter than before. He was practically foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog.

Thankfully, Donnie was too distracted by the question to even notice that his immediate older brother was on the verge of boiling over.

" _That's why that monster broke your leg?"_

The genius turtle stared down at the heavy splint strapped to his shin and a chill crept up and down his spine. The memory was so lucid in his mind, he could still hear the nauseating cracking sounds and he swore the bones in his leg started to ache worse than they already were. He now understood why he had worked so hard to block these memories out and keep them from his brothers. He didn't want to go through _this_ all over again. He didn't want to think about the awful things that had happened. Those memories were the reason for his ceaseless nightmares. Those memories were the reason that everything was falling apart. Those memories were the reason he was broken beyond repair.

His hands began to tremble when Tiger Claw's raspy voice resounded inside his head . . .

" _Since you're supposedly the intelligent one, I probably don't need to tell you what a grave mistake you just made."_

Donnie started to feel the throes of another panic attack coming on, but Leo's pacifying voice stopped it cold.

"So you risked them permanently crippling you to protect us?" Just wanting to comfort his hurting brother, Leonardo once again cupped a hand against the side of Donnie's face. The leader tried to be as gentle as possible so as not to evoke any more bad memories, but it still wasn't gentle enough.

As if on cue, Donnie's mood shifted and he went from sad and gloomy to manic and unhinged in less than a split-second.

"But I _didn't_ protect you! I put your lives in danger because I'm always screwing everything up! I'm nothing but a failure!" The tone of Donnie's voice took on a shrieky quality, the way it always did when he was all worked up about something.

The sudden change in Donatello's temperament made Leonardo quickly pull his hand away as his heart began racing about a thousand miles a minute. Donnie was in such a fragile state right now, if he were to emotionally shut down at this point, they may never get him to open up again. Leo couldn't risk Donnie slipping further into his depression. The leader was scared to death of what dire consequences that would have.

A similar feeling of dread had snaked its way around Michelangelo's heart. Knowing his brainy brother as well as he did, Mikey was afraid that Donnie may get some crazy notion about bolting out of the room and locking himself up inside his lab. Mikey knew that the last thing his wounded brother needed right now was to be alone. It would only make things worse. And so, the youngest turtle pulled his arms tighter around Donnie's plastron, holding onto him with all his might. He wasn't about to let his big brother go. Not until he was feeling better about himself.

"That's not true, D! Stop talking like that, bro!"

Leo was the next one to try to convince his genius brother that what he had said simply wasn't true, but he didn't get very far.

"Donnie, you are anything but a failure. Why would you – "

"I am a failure, Leo! I let myself get captured! Because of me, you guys could've been killed trying to rescue me! I didn't want you guys to come after me! If there was any – " Donnie would have continued, but Leonardo was quick to pay him back for interrupting him.

"No, Donnie! This has to stop, _now_! None of this is your fault in any way, shape, or form, so don't you _dare_ feel guilty for what happened! You left the lair that night because of my actions and I take full responsibility for everything. You almost died because of me, and for that, I will _never_ forgive myself. Not only did I strike you in anger, but I made you feel like you weren't good enough. Even worse . . . like you weren't wanted. I hurt you and I pushed you past your limits. And I didn't even notice until it was too late. You had every right to run off. What I did was unforgivable, Donatello, and I don't deserve your forgiveness for all the inexcusable things that I've done to you. But I promise you I will spend the rest of my days trying to make it up to you in some way. I am so sorry, Donnie." There was no denying the sincerity in Leonardo's tone. The tears pooling in his eyes confirmed as much.

"B – But I – "

This time, it was Raphael's turn to interrupt Donatello before he could finish his argument.

"No buts, Donnie! Fearless is right about none of this being your fault. What he isn't right about is him being the only one responsible for all this. I was just as much to blame. I hate myself for hurting you, Donnie. I'd do anything to take it back . . . and I'd do anything to make you feel safe and happy again. I swear I would. I'm sorry for hurting you. And I'm sorry for making you feel weak and unimportant, because you're not either of those things, little brother. You never have been." Raph's voice cracked no less than three times while he made his uncharacteristically heartfelt apology, but he didn't pay any attention to his rare display of weakness, instead keeping his focus fixed on his injured brother. The hotheaded turtle then reached forward and clasped one hand around Donnie's good shoulder, but he deliberately kept his other hand free for the back of Mikey's head. If his baby brother dared to comment on anything he had just said or done, Raph was all set to slap him for it.

Donnie's gaze shifted back and forth between his two older brothers and he could readily see the apprehension written across both of their faces. Leonardo made no attempt to hide his concern, but Raph was doing his best to keep up his tough guy appearance. As always, Donatello could see right through his temperamental brother's façade. Being the most perceptive one, the genius turtle never had any trouble reading Raphael like a book.

If Donnie wasn't so utterly miserable, he might have smiled over his own cleverness. Instead, he looked like he was fighting tooth and nail not to cry, which did not go unnoticed by his brothers. They could see the fresh wave of tears starting to shimmer in Donatello's sorrowful eyes.

"Tell us something, Donnie. What made you decide to destroy your T-phone, knowing that if you did, Tiger Claw and Grizzgore would make you suffer for it?" Leo asked, confident he knew what the answer would be.

Trying to figure out where Leo could possibly be going with his line of questioning, Donnie creased his forehead in thought for a brief moment before offering a response.

"I . . . I couldn't let them gain access to the GPS log in the phone and potentially discover the location of the lair. That would've put Master Splinter and April in danger. I didn't want to put you guys in harm's way. Believe me I didn't! But I had to protect Sensei and April. I'm sorry." Clearly ashamed of what he had done, Donnie's eyes traveled back down to the cot, once again eluding his brothers' stares. In his haste to avoid eye contact, he failed to see all three of his brothers look at each other knowingly.

"You see, Donnie? That's why you're the best one out of all of us. Even after all the cruel things we had said and done to you, you still risked never being able to walk again just to protect our home and our family, but yet, you're sitting here apologizing because you didn't want us to risk our lives for you. You're selfless, Donnie. You always have been. You never put yourself first. Ever! And despite what you seem to think, you're definitely not a screw-up or a failure." As reassuring as Leonardo's words had been, they had still fallen on deaf ear slits.

"Oh, would you please stop trying to pretend like there's nothing wrong with me and that everything's gonna be A-okay! Because it's not, Leo! If this would've happened to any of you, you would've bounced back by now. You wouldn't be hearing voices in your head constantly telling you how pathetic you are, repeating every single little insult and criticism, over and _over_ again. 'Shut up, Brainiac! Nobody wants to hear it! You're supposed to be the smart one. What the shell were you thinking? You know you're not the strongest fighter out of all of us.' Oh, and my personal favorite! 'If you can't handle yourself around one Foot Soldier, then . . . '"

Donnie paused for both breath and dramatic effect before continuing.

"But wait, there's more! 'It was a stupid move, Donatello. You let him take you out! I can't babysit you all of the time! You're way too weak to get up! All this time we were waiting around for you to fix things, we could have been doing it ourselves . . . '" Donnie could have probably gone on for another half hour or more with all the negative quotes he had heard ringing in his head for weeks, but he gathered by his brothers' collective gasps that he had gotten his point across. There was no need to continue.

Postures slouching with the heaviest of remorse, Leo and Raph both shook their heads in denial. Their own harsh comments being thrown back at them cut like the sharpest of swords. Hearing Donnie repeat what they had said word for word was nothing shy of mortifying. The way he recited the lines –

It was as though he had heard the words hundreds of times.

What frightened Leo half out of his mind was the horrible realization that Donnie most likely _had_ heard those words hundreds of times, playing in his head like a broken record. Donatello and his photographic memory had taken them straight to heart. All this time, those hurtful words had been tormenting him, hindering his recovery. They had been pulling him further and further down into the very same dark place that his brothers had been trying so hard to pull him out of. Even more disturbing was the fact that those words had come straight from his own brothers' mouths.

Leonardo continued to shake his head from side to side, now knowing that his 'constructive' criticism had done all of this to Donatello.

 _What kind of brother am I?_

Leo once again reached a hand out to his distraught brother, trying to console him.

"I'm so sorry, Donnie. We should've never said – "

"No! You don't understand!" Just as Leonardo's fingers made contact with Donatello's skin, the genius turtle batted the hand away as though it was a weapon coming at him, while at the same time, attempting to shrug Raph's hand off his shoulder. He hadn't done these things out of anger, but out of fear of being hurt again. In Donnie's mind, pushing everyone away had become the only way to avoid more pain.

Emitting a sad little whimper, Donnie tried to curl himself back up into a ball, but Leo grabbed a hold of one arm while Raph grabbed onto the other to stop their younger brother from hiding. The two oldest turtles weren't willing to let Donatello shut them out anymore.

Eyes brimming with tears that were about to spill over, Leo practically begged for answers. "Then help us understand, Donnie!"

"How can you possibly even begin to understand? You don't know what it's like to hear voices inside your head constantly telling you that you're . . . you're a worthless burden. That everyone would be better off without you. You don't know how it feels to be so lost, there's no hope of ever being found. To be afraid to go sleep, because every time you close your eyes the nightmares will be there . . . waiting for you. They're always there. Always . . . Always there to take me away." With each gut-wrenching word Donnie spoke, his voice faded into all but nothingness. The last few words were just barely audible breaths passing from his lips. Several sloppy tears escaped his red, puffy eyes and rolled down his sunken cheeks, clinging to his jawline before plummeting onto his legs.

Finally, Leonardo understood.

Finally, he knew just what Donatello was so afraid of.

"They're not going to take you away, Donnie. Not ever. We won't let them." Before he even finished his promise, Leo had already wrapped his arms around Donnie's shoulders, making sure not to put too much pressure on his second youngest brother's injuries. Leo also made sure he didn't accidentally hit Mikey, who was still clinging onto Donnie from behind.

Once inside of his oldest brother's muscular embrace, Donnie's whole body started to shudder from the overexertion of attempting to hold back his emotions.

"I'm s – so scared . . . they're gonna c – come for m – me. I'm – I'm scared those two m – monsters are gonna hurt me again."

Trying not to jar Donnie too much, Leonardo internalized a cringe over his brother's wording choice. The leader knew that the 'two monsters' Donatello had been referring to were Tiger Claw and Grizzgore, but he could've just as soon said the same thing about his two older brothers.

They had hurt him just as badly . . .

Leonardo was about to apologize again when Donnie peered up at him with a devastated expression that cried out for his big brother to help him. Apology temporarily forgotten, Leo stared into his little brother's tragic eyes, wanting desperately to slay the inner demons haunting him.

"Tiger Claw told m – me that I would never see you guys again. And if I didn't serve Shredder, I would – I would be brutally t – tortured and killed. His and Grizzgore's orders . . . they were to permanently separate me . . . f – from all of you. They were planning on taking me someplace overseas where you would n – never be able to find me and I . . . I lost all hope of ever seeing you again. I was so sure I would spend the rest of my life imprisoned and alone. And the worst part was knowing that the last few m – moments I spent with the three of you were . . . they were filled with so much hurt and anger . . . and I'd never be able to take back what I had said or done. I was so scared that you guys would never ever find me. I thought . . . I thought I had lost you forever." Through sheer willpower alone, Donnie somehow forced himself not to fall apart, but he could feel his grip on his self-control dwindling away. His defenses were weakening faster than he could build them back up.

"Donnie, we would _never_ stop looking. There is no place they could take you that we wouldn't find you. We would go to the very ends of this world to get you back," Leonardo vowed with every last ounce of conviction he had. He then watched his genius brother lose the battle to stop himself from crying.

Seeing Donatello so broken and dejected made Leo start to cry as well. Fighting through his own tears, Leonardo pulled Donnie closer to him. At first, the genius turtle stiffened in his big brother's grasp, but he soon relaxed and nestled his head against Leonardo's shoulder.

That's when all of Donnie's walls finally came crashing down and he began to sob uncontrollably in the safety of Leo's arms.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore," Donnie wailed, barely coherent through the bone rattling sobs. He buried his face deeper into Leo's shoulder, using his brother as support and as a facial tissue, but the oldest turtle didn't mind one little bit.

Somehow, through the tangled mess of limbs, Raph managed to climb up on the overcrowded bed and join the group hug. He gently rested a hand on Donnie's uninjured side as he spoke in a firm yet compassionate tone.

"You don't have to be afraid, Donnie, because I'm not gonna let the Shredder or any of his lowlife maggots get anywhere near you again. I'd die before I let anything like this ever happen to you again, little brother."

"And you know I got your back, bro," Mikey chimed in before realizing just how foolish that must have sounded when he was presently adhered to Donnie's back like a leech. "Well, I mean I'm obviously holding onto your back right now . . . But I meant that I had your back, like fingeratively."

Donnie was too choked up to correct his baby brother, but Raph wasn't.

"That's figuratively, you halfwit!" The teasing tone of Raphael's voice lightened the mood, but only for a fleeting moment. Less than a second later, his voice took on a far more serious quality as he expanded off Mikey's original comment. "We've all got your back, Donnie. We'll protect you no matter what. There's nothing to be afraid of anymore."

"But I . . . I can't let you risk your lives for me," Donnie mumbled into Leo's shoulder. The brothers weren't sure if the genius turtle was keeping his head down because he was trying to hide from them, or if it was because he was that exhausted. Either way, all three of his brothers thought it was cute to hear Donnie's small, muffled voice. He sounded like sleepy little kid.

"You don't have a choice, Brainiac! We're gonna protect you whether you like it or not. You're stuck with us."

Now, it was Mikey's turn to expand on Raph's comment.

"Yeah! You're our bro and that's what bros do, dude. We protect each other. We love you, D."

Donnie just whimpered in response, snuggling against Leo. He was so tired at this point he could hardly keep his eyes open.

Leo snuggled back, feeling his second youngest brother's weight leaning heavier into him as he spoke.

"Don't you realize what an important part of this family you are, Donnie? When one of us is hurt or sick, who takes care of us? When we're up against the enemy, whose brilliant mind can we always count on to get us out of there safely? When Raph and I can't see eye to eye – "

"Which is always," Raph interjected, but Leo didn't miss a beat and kept right on with his motivational speech.

"– Who keeps us from killing one another? When we break everything in the lair, who's always there to fix it? When we need help with just about _anything_ , who do we go to? It's you, Donnie." A thin smile crept across Leo's face when he heard the sound of Donnie sniffling. The older turtle then patted his brother's back comfortingly, as if to gesture 'there, there.'

"In case you hadn't noticed, you're a genius, Donnie. And you're an amazing fighter, too. I know that you're worried about not being as physically strong as the rest of us, but fighting isn't just about physical strength. Your special skills have saved us far more times than brute strength ever has, which in my book, makes you the strongest fighter of us all. What's more, is your heart is as true and as big as they come, which makes you far stronger than you think. And there's no doubt of your bravery. You willingly sacrifice yourself time and time again to protect us." The haunting memory of what had happened on the warehouse rooftop caused Leo's voice to give out on him, but only few moments of silence passed before Raph picked up right where his older brother had left off.

"What Leo's trying to say is we messed up, big time. We took you for granted, Donnie. We said and did things that hurt you when we should've been thanking you for all that you do. Thanks, little brother." There was an expression of immense gratitude on the red-masked turtle's face that he knew his brother couldn't actually see from his current vantage point, but Raph continued to wear the expression regardless as he continued on. "And I know we don't tell you this nearly enough, Donnie, but we'd be totally lost without you. When you were hurt and in that coma, we just about fell apart."

Not wanting to be outdone by his normally least inspiring brother, Leo finally managed to find his voice again.

"That's because you're the glue that holds this family together, Donnie. You're always taking care of us, even when we're being a bunch of selfish jerks. You keep us whole and you do everything in your power to make sure we're safe. You know, you've told us before that all you've ever needed out of life is to be with us, but I think it's the other way around, Donnie. We need you more than you will _ever_ know."

"What Leo and I did – it was wrong and we're sorry for hurting you, little brother. I know we can't change the past. I wish like shell we could. But we promise we're gonna be better brothers from now on."

"The kind of brothers you deserve, Donatello. Because there's no way we could ever make it without you."

In his mind, Donnie had formed a properly structured, compound sentence in response, complete with nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, as well as a modifier and even a conjunction, but what ultimately came out of his mouth was a couple of nonsense syllables that when put together sounded like "ubgah."

"We love you, too, Brainiac. But whatta ya say you lay off anymore hairbrained stunts, like taking on four Foot-bots with a broken leg, a bad shoulder, a homemade bomb, a kama, a crutch, and a coconut. At least until you're feeling a little better, okay? Besides, reckless, crazy acts of violence are supposed to be my thing," Raph quipped, playfully rubbing the top of his genius brother's bald head.

Donnie hummed in content, and then, suddenly went limp in Leonardo's arms, passing out from a combination of utter exhaustion and pain medication, unbeknownst to anyone but the eldest turtle.

"A coconut? I didn't know you even liked coconut, D." Mikey scratched his head, visibly confused.

Raph was about to rudely respond when Leo held a finger up to his lips and shushed his red-banded brother, signaling that Donnie had gone to sleep. The three awake brothers exchanged warm smiles while they ever-so carefully shifted their positions so that they could lower Donnie down onto the bed.

Not about to leave their genius brother's side, Leo, Raph, and Mikey curled up next to Donatello, getting as comfortable as they could. It had been years since they had all slept together in the same bed. They didn't remember the bed being quite so small, but it hardly mattered.

 _"What I want is to be with my family . . . "_

That's what Donnie had always said.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Awww! Turtle piles are one of my biggest weaknesses. The brothers cuddling together on the bed is quite possibly my very favorite moment in the whole story. Donnie needed this so much.**_

 _ **Sadly, there are only a few more 'LITF' posts left to go, but I've still got a couple more surprises hidden up my sleeve . . .**_

 _ **Just a heads up, I will not be posting a new chapter next week, but I will return in two weeks with a special chapter that I'm super excited to share with everyone. C=**_

 _ **If you're reading this story and enjoying it, please take a moment to let me know by favoriting, following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting. I would appreciate it very, very much. Thank you all for reading. CJ ;)**_


	41. Chapter 41 - Helping Hands

**_*Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise._**

 ** _*Author's Notes: Chapter 41 of 'Lost in the Fight' is finally here! I want to note that the first section of this chapter wasn't actually part of the original version of this story. I've spent the past few weeks writing this bonus part and I'm eager to share it with you. It's my way of thanking everyone for always being so incredibly kind to me. I'm really, really hoping that you'll enjoy it._**

 ** _Thank you all so very much for reading my story. ;) CJ_**

* * *

 **Chapter** **41 – Helping Hands**

Not even the unmistakable sound of his lab doors being dragged open could tear Donatello's attention away from his computer monitor. His overstrained eyes remained glued to the screen, just as they had been since morning practice a few hours ago. He was so engrossed in what he was working on, it took him several prolonged seconds to recognize the familiar footsteps drawing closer. Once he finally realized who was approaching, his project was immediately forsaken and his gaze shot up to the small figure coming towards him.

"Hey, April."

Had it been anyone else entering his lab, Donatello would have blown them off in the interest of progress, but nothing on Earth could take precedence over the redheaded girl now standing before him. Truth be told, he had been wrapped around her finger from the very moment he had first laid eyes upon her.

A warm, welcoming smile graced April's lips and Donnie couldn't help but to stare at her. Just as he did every time she entered a room. A few moments later, he finally became cognizant – and ashamed – of the fact that he was sitting there making googly eyes at her. His gaze quickly flicked down to the floor, while he kept all his fingers and toes crossed that he hadn't creeped her out with his gawking.

 _Real smooth, genius . . ._

Pushing his rolling chair a few feet away from his desk, Donnie abandoned his slouched position for a more upright one before peering back up at April, whose smile hadn't faded in the slightest degree. In her hands was a small, brown paper bag which she carefully deposited on top of Donatello's worktable before walking up beside him and leaning against his desk. Now it was her turn to stare at him, but something told Donnie it wasn't for the same reason that he had been staring at her. He could only wish that she felt that way about him.

After a few seconds, Donnie noticed there was something unusual about April's stare. It seemed slightly more intense than normal, which made his heart start to race.

Something was off . . .

"Hey, D. How are you feeling today?"

"I – I'm good." The words were supposed to sound more convincing than they had, but sometimes, just being around April got Donnie a bit tongue-tied. Especially those times when she was studying him like he was a specimen under a microscope. Out of nervous habit, he rubbed the side of his neck with his hand.

April continued to look him up and down, clearly not satisfied with his answer.

"Are you sure? Because you look a little pale."

As soon as Donnie saw April's features wilt with concern, he knew exactly who was to blame.

"You've been talking to Leo, haven't you?"

Guilt washed over April's face and she immediately pushed herself away from the desk so she could close the gap between her and Donnie. "He's just worried about you, D. We all are."

It seemed ironic to Donatello that the attention he oftentimes craved from April was now making him feel strangely uncomfortable.

It was at this point that Donnie noticed April's eyes were now fixed on the bandage covering up the new hole in his side. Already feeling self-conscious as it was, the genius turtle quickly moved his arm so that it concealed the wound, but it didn't stop the dread from festering in his gut.

"So how much did he tell you?" As Donatello posed his question, he timidly slid a hand up and down his forearm. So many things had transpired last night. Things he was not proud of. Things he would never ever want April to know about. His brothers had essentially witnessed him hit rock bottom. While this may have been a necessary turning point in his emotional recovery, he certainly didn't want his siblings sharing the gory details of his nervous breakdown with April.

 _Had Leo told her everything?_

"Enough to scare the heck out of me."

For a moment, Donatello panicked, worried he may have been unknowingly thinking out loud, but he soon realized that April was most likely answering his question regarding how much Leo had told her. At least, he hoped on all that was decent and good that that was the case and he hadn't gone and blurted out something stupid.

"I'm sorry, April. I know I shouldn't have left the lair without telling someone. It's just that I – " Before Donnie could even try to explain himself, April's soft voice cut him off. There was a peculiar sense of urgency in lieu of her usual patience.

"I understand why you left, Donnie. That's not what scared me."

"Oh . . . " Never before had a simple, two letter word carried quite so much affliction. It was the perfect demonstration of the apprehension that Donatello was feeling inside.

"Leo told me what happened in your lab. About the argument and how you tried to break it up. He told me some of the things you said. Do you have any idea how hard that was to hear?"

Donnie's heart sunk like the heaviest of stones while he quickly cast his eyes downward so as to avoid her accusing stare.

"He shouldn't have told you those things."

"No, he shouldn't have. _You_ should have." There was a trace of frustration in April's tone that Donatello instantly took notice of. When he peered up at her, he could see that the concern in her expression had transformed into something deeper.

 _Disappointment, perhaps . . ._

"I know." The genius turtle's shoulders drooped right along with his spirits.

"You should've said something, Donnie. All those times I asked you if something was bothering you. You could've told me the truth." Having seen the telltale sinking of the shoulders, April made a point of keeping the frustration out of her voice, unlike the previous time she had spoken. The last thing she wanted to do was make Donnie feel threatened in any way or make him feel compelled to talk. What she wanted, more than anything, was to help him. But in order for her to do that, she needed to understand what was going on inside of his head. She knew from experience that that would be no easy task. What Donatello freely shared with others was bare minimum at best. April had long suspected that Donnie only allowed them to see the tip of the massive iceberg that was his intellect.

Then, as if to prove April's point, the brilliant turtle simply breathed out the same two words that he had just seconds ago. "I know."

There was so much more going on behind that reserved response than what it seemed, but Donnie was trying with all his might to keep his face a mask of indifference. Unfortunately, his efforts ended in failure. April saw right through his façade. His eyes gave him away.

"I hope you realize that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you."

Donatello nodded his head almost imperceptibly in response and lowered his gaze down to the floor yet again, too ashamed to do anything else. His earlier attempts to hide his feelings from her were long since forgotten. He now wore his sadness right there on his proverbial sleeve.

When April saw how utterly dejected Donnie looked, her bright blue eyes began to shimmer with tears. She had grown to care about him so much. That's why it broke her heart every time she thought about just how close they had come to losing him.

To her, every second that Donatello had teetered on the brink of death had been sheer torture. She could still picture him lying there comatose on that cot, battered and broken to the point that he was barely recognizable. She could still hear the haunting beeps of the heart monitor and the ghastly sound of him struggling just to take a breath. She could still smell the nauseating combination of blood, sweat, and antibiotic cream. She could still feel the horrible sense of regret making her chest tighten. Regret that she hadn't been there for him as much as she should have. A part of her blamed her father for this, but deep down inside, she knew that she herself was just as much to blame.

Despite her adamant protests, April's father had forced her to continue attending classes while Donatello had been desperately fighting for his life. At first, she had been furious with her dad about it, but as much as she hated to admit it, she eventually came to realize that she was grateful for the excuse not to venture down to the lair. Seeing poor Donnie so near death had been way too much for her to bear. So much so, even just sitting with him for a few minutes would result in her completely losing it. She had felt as though she was being torn apart from the inside out. It was hands down the most gut-wrenching thing she had ever had to endure. She never wanted to go through anything like that ever again.

After Donnie had finally emerged from his coma, it was as though a tremendous weight had been lifted off her chest, but that feeling of relief was short-lived. Just a few days after Donatello had regained consciousness, April began to sense something was off with him. He had seemed unusually distant and distracted, but whenever she approached him about it, he would insist that everything was fine and simply chalk it up to being tired. Not wanting to push him too much too soon, she had stopped asking questions. Like a fool, she had assumed that he would open up to her when he was ready.

Then came Leonardo's phone call this morning. The one where he had shakily told her what had happened last night and how Donnie had totally broken down. The one that had made her feel like she was about six inches tall.

She should've been a better friend . . .

She should've trusted her instincts . . .

She should've helped him before it came to _this_ . . .

 _Enough with the should'ves, April! He still needs you. He's right here. Now's your chance._

Crouching down, April cupped a hand underneath Donatello's chin and lifted his head up so that their eyes met. Their close proximity made it hard for Donnie to swallow, let alone breathe. He just sat and stared at her, silently praying that his courage would somehow find a way back to him.

"Why would you ever think that we would be better off without you?" That question had been weighing heavily on April's mind ever since Leo had repeated it to her. The eldest turtle had sounded so afraid when he had told her what Donnie had said.

 _Leo! Afraid! Who knew that was even possible?_

Just when April started to get tangled up in her thoughts, she felt Donnie shudder in her grasp and her attention was instantly back on him. Though he looked like he wanted to turn away again, his gaze never left hers as he spoke.

"I – I don't really know how to explain it."

The profound remorse residing in Donatello's eyes made April want to cry. Unable to stand seeing him suffer another moment longer, she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. After only a split-second of shocked hesitation, Donnie instinctively leaned into the embrace, pushing his face against the soft fabric of April's yellow T-shirt.

The two of them had hugged multiple times in the past, but never before had the gesture held so much meaning as it did right now. They clung onto each other as if neither one of them wanted to let go.

"Oh, Donnie. You're my best friend. I don't ever want to lose you. I'm not sure what I'd do without you."

Once again, Donatello shuddered in April's grip and she felt him leaning further into her. Attempting to ease his pain, she gently caressed the back of his head with her fingertips.

"I never meant to hurt anyone. I just – I guess I thought I could fix this on my own, but I'm . . . I'm not sure how." Donnie's voice was slightly muffled against April's shirt, but not so much that she couldn't hear it.

"You don't always have to find the solution to everything, Donnie."

With that said, Donatello pulled out of the embrace and stared up at April through pleading puppy dog eyes, looking hopelessly lost.

What April wouldn't have given just to make him feel safe again?

"So what do I do now?"

April continued to softly stroke Donatello's smooth scalp as she answered his question. "What do _we_ do, Donnie. You can't do this by yourself. You need to let us help you."

"But what if there's no way to help me?" The despair in Donatello's voice was glaringly obvious, making him sound far younger than just moments before, but in his eyes, April could see an unexpected glimmer of hope. For the first time in weeks, he was looking to her for answers rather than trying to pretend there was nothing wrong.

"We'll find a way, Donnie. I promise. And we're all gonna be right beside you, no matter what."

"I can't ask you guys to do that."

"You don't have ask us, Donnie. We _want_ to help you through this. We all care about you very much."

Donatello's mouth opened slightly, as if to speak, but all that escaped was a tremulous exhalation of air. The sudden blush of his cheeks betrayed the uneasiness he was feeling inside. After all this time, the girl of his dreams was finally standing there telling him she cared about him, but as turtle luck would have it, she was only doing it because he was falling apart.

 _Yeah, that's not embarrassing at all . . ._

He was supposed to be the one who fixed things, not the one who needed fixing.

Still, pity or not, he had to admit that it did feel good to know she cared.

To know they _all_ cared . . .

"I care about all of you, too. Please believe me when I say I wasn't pushing any of you away because I didn't care. That wasn't it at all." Subtly shying away from April's touch, Donnie shrunk into the back of his chair as if he was trying to hide in plain sight.

"I never thought that, Donnie. I know you've been through an extremely traumatic event and I don't expect you to know how to deal with it. Not after everything that's happened to you, but you can't give up on me, okay? No more thinking we'd be better off without you, because that will _never_ be the case. The next time you're feeling like you're lost, you need to talk to someone. _Anyone_! Please don't keep it all bottled up inside anymore. Remember, my dad _is_ a psychologist. I'm sure he'd be more than willing to help."

Donnie shrunk even further down into his chair, mortified by what April had just suggested.

 _Talk to Kirby about my feelings? She can't be serious!_

"Um – I'm, uh, not so sure that's such a good idea, April. Your dad – he's probably busy enough as it is." Though Donnie was doing his best to create the illusion of being considerate, April knew him well enough to recognize that he was trying to get out of talking to her dad. She couldn't help but to roll her eyes in exasperation. Donnie could be so stubborn at times. Especially when it came to taking care of himself. It was maddening.

"I'm just saying that it wouldn't hurt for you to talk to him a little bit about what happened. He's really good at what he does and it might do you some good to talk to someone who better understands why you're feeling the way you are lately."

While he still wasn't a hundred percent sold on the idea, Donnie could see that it meant a lot to April.

"I'll think about it."

This rather noncommittal response made the redheaded girl's big, dewy eyes light up with joy.

"Promise?"

There was no way Donnie could say no to such an earnest request. This was _April_ , after all . . .

"I promise."

Pleased with the response, April was about to tell Donatello as much, when her brain suddenly switched gears on her. Without any warning, she rushed over to Donnie's worktable as if someone's life depended on how quickly she got there.

"Oh, here, before I forget! I brought you something!"

A soft smile stretched across April's face as she handed Donnie the brown paper bag that she had been toting when she had arrived.

Taking the bag from April's delicate hand, Donnie feigned appreciation as best he could. He knew all too well what the bag contained. It had been the same routine for weeks now. April would come by the lair, bearing another one of those nutritional shakes that Donnie had grown to hate. He didn't have the heart to tell her that he couldn't stand them, and so, he forced himself to graciously accept the offering. It was a small price to pay to make her happy.

In accordance with the usual routine, Donnie faked a smile and opened the bag. As expected, there was indeed a shake inside, but much to his surprise, this shake was in a tall, colorful cup with a thick, bendy straw poking up out of a clear plastic lid.

The genius turtle's eyes widened with wonder as he peered up at April with an expression that asked for further explanation.

"I guess I just thought maybe you could use a little change from the norm."

That was a definite understatement.

Not able to contain his excitement, Donnie eagerly pulled the shake out of the bag and started drinking.

It was hands down one of the most delicious things Hamato Donatello had ever tasted. Even better than Mr. Murakami's cooking, which was saying a lot.

"Mmmm. Thanks, April. This is amazing! What flavor is it?" Donnie asked in between greedy slurps and he watched April's smile coil into a playful smirk.

"Turtle."

The shocking revelation caused Donnie to nearly spit out the contents of his mouth. Even though logic told him that a turtle shake most likely contained a blend of chocolate, caramel, and pecans, hearing April actually say it was 'turtle' flavored still created a rather disturbing mental image.

A quiet, little giggle sounded out and carried right into April's cheerful response.

"Sorry, D. It was the flavor of the day. I just couldn't resist."

The huge grin that immediately spread across April's face made it impossible for Donnie not to grin in return.

"So, are you gonna share that with me or what?"

Letting out a little giggle of his own, Donatello twisted his lips into a devious sneer. He then brought the shake back up towards his mouth and started sucking away on the straw, purposely making additional 'mmmm' sounds while he drank.

As much as Donatello liked April – and he really, _really_ liked April – he wasn't about to share his milkshake with her. Not after what had happened that one time he had made the mistake of sharing his pizza gyozas with her. How could he have possibly known that April's appetite was as big as Mikey's?

While Donnie continued to noisily gulp down his drink, April stared at him in shocked disbelief.

For a moment, the turtle in purple got lost in those gorgeous, blue eyes of April's and reconsidered his decision not to share.

But only for a moment.

Come tomorrow, there was a strong chance that April would go right back to bringing those bland protein shakes again. This could very well be the last flavorful beverage Donnie would ever receive, so he was going to make darn sure he savored every last drop.

Who knew being selfish could taste so delicious?

* * *

"Here, all this time, I thought it would feel good to finally get to use my bo-staff again. But mostly, it just hurts." Leaning wearily against the Dojo wall, Donatello slid down into a sitting position so he could take a much-needed time out. If not for the wall behind him, he probably would have collapsed from exhaustion.

"What's hurting, Donnie? Your shoulder, your side, or your leg?" In a flash, Leonardo was kneeling next to Donnie, checking him over, clearly more concerned than seemed necessary. In all honesty, sometimes the oldest turtle could be a regular mother hen.

"Would you respect me any less if I replied all of the above?" The genius turtle groaned as he tried to stretch out all the kinks in his aching muscles to no avail. He felt fairly confident there wasn't enough aspirin in the world to knock down the pain he was currently experiencing. At the very least, there wasn't enough aspirin in the lair.

"Maybe we should take a fifteen-minute break before starting up your training again." Before even giving his younger brother a chance to respond, Leo gently took Donnie's bo-staff from him and set the weapon down on the floor beside the worn-out turtle. Leonardo then sat down next to his little brother, resting his shell against the Dojo wall just like Donnie was.

Donatello let out a long-drawn-out sigh as he leaned heavier into the wall, letting his posture slouch more and more in a direct reflection of his gloomy mood.

Leonardo could sense something was amiss with his brother and a spark of worry immediately ignited from within. It had been three weeks since Donnie had finally broken down and opened up to his brothers. While Donatello's mental state had seemed to be getting progressively better, Leo still secretly feared that his genius brother might have a relapse. After all that had transpired the past couple of months, how could the turtle in blue not be more than a little paranoid? Donatello had been through hell and back. There were bound to be setbacks here and there.

Some self-confidence building exercises were in order.

"Your form is starting to look better and better, Donnie. I think your spins and strikes are really coming along nicely." In an attempt to lighten the mood, Leo gave Donnie a little nudge on the shoulder.

"You really think so?" The question came across as somewhat indifferent. After asking it, Donnie blankly stared down at his feet, but Leo was willing to bet that that wasn't what his little brother was actually looking at.

"Of course I think so. If you keep training like this, you're gonna be back out on patrol with us in no time. These pre-practice sessions are really paying off!" There was perhaps more enthusiasm contained in that response than what was truly believable. Leo had only been trying to make Donatello feel better, but he feared that he had just laid things on too thick and his smartest brother would see right through it.

The good news was, Donnie didn't even seem to notice. The not-so good news was, the reason Donnie hadn't noticed was because he was too preoccupied with his thoughts.

Leo wasn't about to idly sit by and let Donnie retreat into his depression again.

"What's on your mind, Donnie? Tell me."

"There's, uh, something I wanted to talk to you about before the others get here, if that's okay." Donnie rubbed the back of his neck uneasily, alerting Leonardo that he was uncomfortable about the forthcoming subject matter.

"Donnie, I thought we had a clear understanding that you can talk to us about anything. In fact, I'm pretty sure we made it a ground rule for you to always speak what's on your mind from now on. I distinctly remember Raph saying he'll start burning your textbook collection, one volume at a time if you, and I quote, 'bottle anymore of that crap up inside you,'" Leo said with a boyish grin and a soft chuckle, still attempting to lighten things up a bit.

Donnie sighed again, which made Leonardo's stomach twist into multiple knots. That second sigh from the genius turtle was audible confirmation that the upcoming conversation was not going to be pleasant.

"What is it, Donnie?"

"It's just, eh . . . I'm not sure if training me is a wise investment of your time, Leo. I mean, the physical therapy and strength training exercises . . . those are value-added, but training me to fight . . . " Donnie's voice trailed off into silence. His eyes remained fixed on his feet.

"What are you trying to say, Donnie?" Whereas Donatello's voice had gotten quieter, Leonardo's voice grew noticeably louder.

"I didn't want to say this in front of the others yet, but we're going to have to eventually face the fact that the damage done to my shoulder isn't going to go away, no matter how much therapy or training we do. It's permanent, Leo. My leg will take some time to heal, but it probably won't hamper my fighting abilities forever, but the shoulder wound . . . it always will." Despite Donnie's best attempts to keep his emotions out of the mix, the hurt still came shining through.

"Don't think like that, Donnie. We just started with your training. You need to give it more time. It _will_ get better." As Leonardo spoke, he wrapped an arm around his brother in a show of support, drawing him near.

"I'm not so sure about that, Leo. There was damage to the underlying tissues, muscles, ligaments, tendons, and bones. The only way to repair such extensive damage would be through surgery and we both know that's not a possibility." The calm, detached way Donatello stated this information was totally unnerving for Leo to hear.

"Donnie, I – " Leonardo started, but could not finish the thought. Not without completely losing it. He pressed his lips into a grim line and tried like mad to stop his tears from flowing. Never before had Leo hated the fact that they were forced to live in hiding more than he did at this very moment. His little brother needed medical treatment. Medical treatment they both knew he would never receive because they were –

 _Mutants_ . . .

Life could be so cruel sometimes.

"It's okay, Leo. I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me or treat me any differently. I'm telling you this because I think it's time for us to look at things realistically. I don't want you to waste a lot of unnecessary time and effort training me to fight again when I'm most likely never going to be able to. We're all going to need to come to terms with it sooner or later."

"I won't accept that." Never before had those words rang so true. There was absolutely no way Leo was going to let his brother just give up. Not now, not ever.

"I'm afraid you don't have much of a choice." Donnie's voice was whisper-soft as he stared at the hideous scar on his shoulder.

"Yes, I do have a choice! There's always a choice, and I choose not to accept that you'll never fight again. I swear on my honor that you _will_ fight beside us again, Donatello. If I have to strap you on my shell every time we go topside, I will. I promise you I'll do everything in my power to get you back out there, but you have to promise me that you'll do everything in your power to help me." The blue-masked turtle's piercing, blue eyes were full of passion and conviction, exhibiting his intense commitment to keep his promise.

"Leo, I can't let you guys risk your lives protecting me all the time. I don't want to be a burden." There was so much hopelessness in Donnie's voice, it instantly made Leonardo's chest tighten with pain.

The oldest turtle reached out and placed a hand on Donatello's tear-stained cheek, stroking the side of his brother's face with his thumb to comfort him.

"Donnie, you have never been and you will never be a burden. And you _will_ fight again. I give you my word that I'll do all I can to help you. I'll be beside you every step of the way. You – You just have to have faith in yourself . . . and in me. I love you so much, otouto." Nearly choking on a sob, Leo leaned over and wrapped his little brother up into a fiercely protective embrace.

"I love you, too, onii-chan," Donnie breathed out as he crumpled into the strong arms of his oldest brother, pushing his face into the crook of Leo's neck and letting the tears fall freely. The older turtle let his tears fall, as well, while he held onto his brother, loaning him his strength for as long as he needed it.

The two brothers stayed that way until Master Splinter, Raph, and Mikey came in for morning practice.

* * *

 ** _To be continued . . ._**

 ** _*Author's Notes: I had so many readers ask me if April was going to make an appearance in this story, I couldn't bear to say no anymore. I didn't want to let down all the Apritello fans out there, so I just had to write this chapter. Hopefully it was worth the wait. Please let me know if you enjoyed it. This is only the second ever Apritello moment I've ever written and I'm hoping I did okay._**

 ** _Well, we're nearing the end of the story now, but I have one more surprise for all of you. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everyone's going to like what's in store. C=_**

 ** _Please take a moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on 'Lost in the Fight' or any of my other stories if you are enjoying them. I always appreciate the support and encouragement. Plus, it's nice to know that people are still reading. Thanks so much. CJ ;)_**


	42. Chapter 42 - A Father's Guilt

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I'm back with chapter 42 of 'Lost in the Fight' and this one is very near and dear to my heart. I'm keeping all my fingers and toes crossed that everyone enjoys it.**_

 _ **I want to thank all of you for the amazing support you have shown me throughout this story. It means so much to me. I am incredibly grateful to each and every one of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!**_

 _ **Okay, let's get on with the chapter. ;) CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 42 – A Father's Guilt**

No sooner had Master Splinter stepped foot inside of the garage when he spotted his second youngest son suspended in an awkward position over what he referred to as the 'Shellraiser.' Splinter was beginning to suspect that his tallest boy was somewhat of a contortionist, constantly twisting his body at odd angles to gain access to whatever it was that he was toiling away on.

"Donatello, what exactly is it that you are doing?"

Master Splinter's already long face lowered into a contemplative frown. He was reasonably certain that Donatello's current activities did not fall within his specified work restrictions, nor did they appear to be conducive to the healing process, but the troubled father chose not to voice his concerns just yet. He did not want to start off the conversation by questioning his most sensitive son's judgment. That was what had caused Donatello's hardships to begin with.

"Oh, hey, Sensei. I'm just finishing up cleaning the Shellraiser's alternator." Donatello lifted his head up from what he was doing just long enough to politely smile and make brief eye contact before burying his head back into his work again.

From what Master Splinter's intellectual son had informed him, the Shellraiser had once been an old subway car that had served as a temporary living space for their friend, Leatherhead. Donatello had used his exceptional talents and skills to convert the abandoned car into a "high-tech" – per Donatello – vehicle, complete with all kinds of gadgets and devices that Splinter knew absolutely nothing about. The only thing he did know about the vehicle was that one of the mechanisms his resourceful son had developed for it gave them a "constructive" – again per Donatello – way of disposing of their garbage. Although Master Splinter was not entirely convinced that firing trash balls at their enemies did not qualify as a form of littering. It was probably something he should not be condoning, but his sons had somehow persuaded him to overlook their trash-launching exploits.

Master Splinter focused his attention back on Donatello, who remained immersed in his project. The attentive rat was still concerned about his son possibly overtaxing himself and putting unnecessary strain on his wounded shoulder, side, and leg, but again, the eldest mutant of the household elected to reserve his judgment.

"I see," came Master Splinter's impassive response.

The lack of emotion in his father's voice made Donatello tense right up. It was that detached tone that made it next to impossible to figure out what Master Splinter was thinking. The four brothers knew that tone far too well and they had all come to dread the sound of it.

"Please don't tell me I missed supper again. If I did, I'm really, _really_ sorry, but I was so – " Donatello started to offer up an excuse, but his father stopped him short with a wave of his paw.

"Do not worry, my son. You have not missed another meal, though I have been meaning to discuss your recent string of absenteeism at lunch with you . . . But that is not actually why I am here." The sound of Master Splinter's voice remained neutral, which came as a bit of a surprise to Donatello. Especially considering the subject matter.

It had been made abundantly clear by every member of Donatello's family that his attendance at mealtimes would continue to be mandatory so long as he was still significantly underweight. More often than not, when Donatello neglected to show up for a regularly scheduled meal, Raphael was sent to the lab to 'retrieve' his brainiac brother by any means necessary. Heavy emphasis on the 'by any means necessary.' There had actually been a couple of times this past week that the hotheaded turtle had literally dragged Donnie out by his shell – and in front of April no less.

The humiliating memories made the smartest turtle wince.

Ever since Master Splinter had given the green light for Donatello's sling and cast to come off, Raph had taken to slightly more aggressive means of delivering his purple-masked brother to meal locations. Donnie was beginning to think his immediate older brother was truly enjoying his newly assigned task.

 _It's just so nice to know that Raph cares . . ._

"Sorry about that, Sensei. I promise I'll try to more mindful of the time." Donatello couldn't help but to cringe over what he had just said. He had spoken those very same words so many times now, he worried that they had long lost their meaning. He just hoped his father wouldn't call him out on it.

"Yes . . . see that you do, or I will be forced to have your brothers chaperone you throughout the day." There was a barely detectable tinge of teasing in Master Splinter's gentle threat.

"Duly noted. Uh, Sensei, I hate to be a bother, but do you think you could you hand me the three-eighth-inch socket wrench over there?" Donatello asked in a tentative voice as he blindly pointed behind him, assuming that his filthy forefinger was aimed somewhat close to the direction of said tool.

Looking down at the pile of miscellaneous tools scattered about the floor behind Donatello, Master Splinter's face scrunched up into an uncertain grimace. "Highly doubtful."

This unconvincing response caused Donatello to lift his head up and look back over his shoulder. A sheepish grin stretched across his face. He had forgotten that his father pretty much lacked any kind of mechanical ability.

"That's okay, Sensei. I'll get it." The grin never left Donatello's lips as he straightened up into a standing position and casually shuffled over to his tools. Two seconds later, he was twirling the socket wrench he needed in his hand.

There was a familiar twinkle in Donatello's eyes that Master Splinter had not seen for far too long and it made his heart swell with fullness. The old rat had always loved that twinkle and he had missed it oh-so very much. Seeing that look return to Donatello's eyes reminded Master Splinter of the many times his brilliant son had demonstrated his special gift. One fond memory stood out in particular . . .

* * *

 _Five-year-old Michelangelo's instantly recognizable sobs filled the lair and Master Splinter all at once dropped what he was doing to check on his young sons. He found all four of his boys in the main living space of their home._

 _Michelangelo, always the seeker of the most attention, was sitting in the center of the room, crying his eyes out as though the worst thing imaginable had come to pass. Leonardo and Raphael were standing over their youngest brother, exchanging reluctant and slightly angered glances back and forth as though they were afraid of who would get blamed for what had come to pass. Donatello was quietly sitting about twenty feet away from his three brothers, seemingly not concerning himself with what had come to pass._

 _As to be expected, Master Splinter's focus turned to finding out what had happened._

" _What is going on here? Why is Michelangelo so upset?" The tone of Master Splinter's voice was soft yet hardened enough to tell the four children that he wanted the truth._

" _I didn't do it!" The quick denial from his second oldest son came as no surprise to Master Splinter. It was not unusual for Raphael to instantly take a defensive stance when something had gone wrong, even when he was at fault, which was oftentimes the case. He and Michelangelo had already shown great prowess for getting into trouble._

" _Oh, yes he did! He broke Mikey's toy, dad!" Leonardo readily tattled on his immediate younger brother, pointing a condemning finger at him to further emphasize his accusation. Just as it was not unusual for Raphael to become defensive, it was also not unusual for Leonardo to snitch on his closest brother._

 _Master Splinter's two oldest boys were developing an unsettling sibling rivalry at all-too-tender of an age for his liking. He knew the old saying went 'boys will be boys,' but Splinter was constantly having to break up growing spats between Leonardo and Raphael. The wary father feared it was setting a poor example for his two youngest children. It was an issue that would soon need to be addressed, but not at this particular moment._

 _Michelangelo's sobs grew even louder, gaining him Master Splinter's full attention, just as the youngest turtle had intended. Splinter crouched down and scooped his smallest son up into his arms, but this gesture did not lessen Michelangelo's anguish like the father had hoped. If anything, the boy's wails became even more uncontrollable, almost to the point that it hurt the mutant rat's sensitive ears._

" _Tell me, Raphael. Did you break your brother's toy?" Master Splinter's question was posed in an unbiased manner so as to give Raphael a chance to explain himself without feeling intimidated._

 _The temperamental turtle let out a noise that sounded somewhere between a growl and a grunt. He then kicked the ball of his foot into the floor several times before finally confessing._

" _Yeah, I broke it."_

 _It appeared as though Raphael had been far more concerned about being punished for his actions than about his brother's feelings._

 _Master Splinter considered scolding Raphael for not being truthful earlier when he had claimed that he was not the one responsible for Michelangelo's distress, but ultimately decided against it, for now. The father made a mental note to later have a private talk with Raphael about the consequences of lying._

" _And did you break this toy on purpose?"_

" _No!"_

" _Nuh-huh! He did, too!" Seizing a handful of his father's fur, Michelangelo smushed his round face into Splinter's chest in highly theatrical fashion. The youngest turtle's breaths were coming out in funny sounding little squeaks as he continued to blubber in his father's embrace._

" _I am sure that Raphael will be more than willing to share his toys with you to make up for what he has done." While Master Splinter spoke soothingly into Michelangelo's ear, he cast Raphael a stern glance to inform his most argumentative son that he was not to be questioned on the matter._

" _But I don't wanna play with Raphie's toys! I want my Robo-Dino back!" The way Michelangelo wailed out the words promised that he was not going to cease whining anytime soon._

 _Raphael unsympathetically rolled his eyes, earning him a scowl from both his father and his oldest brother._

" _You boys have many other toys, my child. Perhaps there is something similar to this toy that you can play with." Master Splinter attempted to calm down his youngest yet again, petting his little one's arm, but Michelangelo shook his head vigorously._

" _No! Robo-Dino is my fav'rite!"_

 _The deep frown now tugging Splinter's face downward made the rat look far older than he had only moments before. He wanted to comfort Michelangelo, but his efforts were not going as well as hoped._

 _Then came the cheerful voice of Master Splinter's second youngest son. "It's okay, Mikey!"_

 _Up until this point, Donatello had been sitting with his back turned to the whole dramatic scene that had unfolded behind him. He had played the role of the fly on the wall, more or less. So completely lost in concentration, he hadn't even realized that he had failed to tell anyone what he had been working on the whole time._

 _Donatello used one arm to clumsily push himself up to his feet. In his other arm, he cradled a ten-inch plastic dinosaur against his plastron, carrying the small, fellow reptile as though he was shielding it from harm. He slowly made his way over to the center of the room where he noticed the rest of his family was now looking at him. Their stares made him nervous and the shyest brother suddenly didn't feel quite as cheerful as before._

" _No, it's not! It's not gonna be okay, Donnie! Not ever again!" The youngest turtle's outburst had all eyes on him once again._

 _With his family's attention now back on Michelangelo, Donatello regained the confidence he had lost. He extended his arms out in front of him and humbly presented his little brother with his beloved dinosaur figure. "Don't cry anymore, Mikey. I fixed him."_

 _Michelangelo lifted his head up and stared down at the toy through the heavy layer of tears glazed over his eyes. He was hesitant to do anything other than ogle at the plastic dinosaur, afraid that if he touched the toy, it – right along with his heart – would break all over again._

 _As if sensing Michelangelo's skepticism, Donatello pressed the button on the front of the toy and a raucous screech roared out from the dinosaur._

 _Upon hearing that enchanting roar, Michelangelo grinned from ear slit to ear slit and his dazzling blue eyes lit up with bliss. He reached out for his toy and cuddled it against himself._

" _You're the bestest, Donnie! Robo-Dino hasn't roared since I got him!" Still all smiles, Michelangelo hugged the dinosaur closer to his chest as his father set him down on the couch. As soon as he was seated, Michelangelo made himself comfy while he adoringly gawked down at the toy. He then made the shrieking sound ring out again, which immediately rubbed his crankiest brother the wrong way._

" _That's not a bad thing. That thing's annoying."_

 _Raphael quickly became the recipient of another stern glance from his father._

 _Today just wasn't the temperamental turtle's day . . ._

 _A moment later, Master Splinter shifted his gaze back on his youngest child and arched one eyebrow quizzically._

" _Michelangelo, I was under the impression that Raphael broke the toy just before I came out here. Was I incorrect in my assumption?"_

" _I dunno what an assumption is. It sounds like a bad word that I prob'ly shouldn'ta said. But Raphie did just break it! But he busted the head off, not the roarer thingy." As Michelangelo spoke, he never took his eyes off his precious dinosaur, still busy admiring his immediate older brother's handiwork._

" _Donatello, please tell me how it is that you came to fix your brother's toy." Stroking his beard in contemplation, Master Splinter stared over at his second youngest boy. Donatello was smiling at Michelangelo, obviously quite pleased that he had made his baby brother happy once again._

" _The head just needed to be pushed back on. It was easy."_

" _And how did you get the toy to make noise again?" Master Splinter asked more than just a little curious as to how a five-year-old had repaired a mechanical toy so instinctively._

 _Donatello shrugged his shoulders casually. "Oh that . . . I just used a dime to open up the back of the toy and changed the batteries with some from my toy. Mikey's batteries were all yucky, but changing them didn't fix it. So when that didn't work, I pulled out the stuff from inside and saw there were some wires that didn't look like they were where they were supposed to be. So I just put them where I thought they should go."_

 _Donatello sounded wise beyond his five years of age as he spoke of his feat. He had said it so matter-of-factly, it was as if he didn't think anything of what he had done._

 _Master Splinter's whiskers twitched in deep thought._

 _As the boys' father and teacher, Splinter had long ago recognized that his second youngest son was the most perceptive of his children. Donatello was always the quickest to grasp his lessons and teachings. He was already reading well beyond what was normally expected of someone at his age level and he viewed reading as recreational and enlightening. He was always seeking out more opportunities to read, unlike his three brothers, who regarded their reading assignments as tedious and something they would rather do without. Donatello had proven to be much more thoughtful, inquisitive, and insightful than his three brothers, but this current accomplishment of repairing Michelangelo's damaged toy . . ._

 _This was not something Master Splinter had taught his son about. In fact, this was actually something Master Splinter knew nothing about himself._

 _This . . ._

 _This was something special._

 _As Michelangelo made the dinosaur roar yet again, Master Splinter was overwhelmed by a tremendous sense of pride._

" _Thank you, Donatello. We owe you a great deal of gratitude for your inventiveness, my son."_

" _Yeah, thank you, Donatello." It was painfully obvious that Leonardo was trying to sound just like his father as he praised his second youngest brother, which earned him a disgusted groan from Raphael._

 _Master Splinter paid no mind to his brown-nosing son or his grumpy son, instead focusing his attention on his two youngest children._

 _Donatello modestly smiled up at his father, and thereafter, joined Michelangelo on the couch. The second youngest turtle held his now battery-less toy in his own hands, undaunted by the fact that he had had to give up his own toy being fully functional in order to make Michelangelo's toy work again. Donatello showed no signs of regret or second thoughts. His only concern had been for his little brother's happiness._

 _A warm grin swept across Master Splinter's face. He knew that all four of his sons were very special, but he now knew without a doubt that Donatello possessed an extraordinary ability that he did not understand just yet. Perhaps a tired, old, traditionalistic rat would never fully understand the unique gift his second youngest son had been bestowed with, but he knew he would always try to nurture it to the best of his abilities._

 _Donatello was something special indeed._

* * *

Master Splinter gazed down at his most intelligent son and fought to hold back the scores of emotions that were now coursing through him. Seeing the faith beaming in Donatello's eyes once again was making it extremely difficult for the proud father to remain his usual undemonstrative self. Of course, it wasn't helping matters any that Donatello's luminous smile had returned to full force as well. It felt as though forever and a day had passed since the Ninjutsu master had seen an authentic smile from his second youngest child.

 _That wonderful smile could light up all of New York City . . ._

His son was finally getting better.

That was the greatest blessing of all.

It had been four weeks since Donatello had finally opened up to his brothers about his ordeal, and since then, he had made great strides in his emotional recovery. Master Splinter was not sure what his other three sons had said or done that night he had been away from the lair, but whatever it had been, he would be forever indebted to them for bringing his second youngest child back to him.

"Donatello, do you have a moment to discuss something with me?" After all that had happened, Master Splinter felt as though he was being selfish to intrude upon his son's valuable time and progress, but his need for closure superseded his guilty conscience. Besides, this much-needed conversation had been put off for far too long already. Splinter had been meaning to have this talk with his intellectual son for quite some time now, but these past few weeks, it had been rather difficult to catch Donatello alone for more than a couple of minutes. His brothers, as well as April, were doing a fine job of keeping him company at _all_ times.

Though Master Splinter knew that his son's projects were many, Donatello showed no outward signs of being inconvenienced by the interruption. In fact, he seemed quite eager to take a break, quickly setting his tools aside so he could offer up his undivided attention. The enthusiastic reaction was something Splinter had not seen from Donatello in months and it filled his heart with happiness.

"Sure, Sensei. What would you like to talk about?"

"My son, I would like to apologize to you." As he spoke, Master Splinter gently placed a hand on Donatello's scarred shoulder. It was one of the few parts of his son's body that did not have dirt or grime streaked across it.

"Apologize for what, Sensei? You haven't done anything wrong." The genius turtle wrinkled his face up into a puzzled expression, looking to his father for more information.

"Oh, but I have, Donatello. I have wronged you and I wish to make amends for what I have done. I have taken you for granted, my child, and for that, I ask for your forgiveness."

Still perplexed by his father's comments, Donatello opened his mouth to speak, but Master Splinter promptly held up a paw to stop him.

"Donatello, you have always been very different from your brothers."

This statement made Donnie shrink inside of his shell. He wasn't exactly sure what his father had meant by the word 'different.' It was all a matter of perspective, the genius turtle supposed. Some saw 'different' as a good or positive thing, while others viewed the term as bad or negative. Donnie didn't really know what side of the spectrum his father was on, so he was a little nervous about where this conversation was leading. Anxiety starting to sink in, Donnie began shifting his weight from side to side, but only for a moment or two. Although his broken leg had healed to the point that it no longer required a splint, the limb strongly objected to the movement and he was forced to stay somewhat still despite his growing uneasiness.

Master Splinter continued on with his speech, oblivious to both Donatello's internal and physical dilemmas.

"Even at a very young age, your intelligence and intuitiveness were most impressive and it did not take long for me to recognize that there was something very unique and special about you. You were an exceptionally fast learner, always absorbing things like a sponge. By and by, the student became the teacher. As you grew older, so too grew your thirst for knowledge and you took up studying on your own time. While your brothers were playing or having fun, a majority of your free time was spent reading, testing, creating, reconstructing, and experimenting. Your knowledge of most things soon far surpassed my own. All I had to impart upon you were my Ninjutsu skills and what wisdom I had garnered throughout my lifetime, but I feared that that would not be enough to keep you intellectually stimulated and satisfied."

"Sensei, you're an amazing father. Don't ever doubt that. All that I've become and achieved in this life is because of what you've taught me and the values you've instilled in me. I owe everything I am to your hard work and sacrifice. There's absolutely nothing to be sorry for."

Master Splinter could not help but to smile over Donatello's encouraging words. And so, the student had yet again become the teacher.

"Yes, there is Donatello. All these years, I have mistaken intelligence for emotional stability. Far more often than I care to admit, I allowed you to work through things on your own when I should have been helping you, just as I did with your brothers. I am responsible for your reclusive behavior and for all the emotional suffering you have been going through. I should have paid more attention to you, my son. As your father, I should have seen your pain and recognized that you needed my help before this came to pass. I failed to protect you, Donatello, and for that, I am truly sorry."

Several tears slid down Donatello's cheeks as he shook his head from side to side to signal his wholehearted disagreement with what his father had just said. The turtle in purple then lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Master Splinter as tightly as he could. Composure hanging on by nothing more than a frayed thread, Donatello pressed his tear-stained face firmly into his father's kimoto. The loving gesture caused a few tears to fall from Splinter's eyes as well.

"No, Sensei. I'm to blame for what happened. I know now that I should've reached out for help instead of pushing all of you away. I allowed myself to become so consumed by pain and sadness, I got lost in it. I let it control me, but I won't let it happen again. I swear I won't."

"Don't you worry about that, Brainiac, because there's no way in shell we're ever gonna let it happen again." The gruff voice of Donnie's second oldest brother was unmistakable.

The genius turtle lifted his head up from his father's chest to lay eyes on his three brothers just as they walked into the garage.

"Raph's right. And we need to make sure that we never forget what happened. I don't ever want to take Donnie for granted again." With that said, Leonardo struck a valiant pose. It was living proof that the oldest turtle watched entirely way too many 'Space Heroes' reruns.

Just out of habit, Raphael rolled his eyes over Leo's sanctimonious comments. This gesture immediately earned Raph a fierce scowl from his father that would have made a lesser turtle cower.

Fortunately for the hotheaded turtle, his youngest brother went and saved his shell by drawing all the attention on himself in true Mikey fashion.

"Yeah, we should like come up with some kinda code or phrase that we can use to remind us about what happened. You know, so we never make the same mistake again. Ooh! Ooh! I know!" Mikey halted briefly and held his hands out to nonverbally say 'wait for it' before making his big announcement. "It should be D – Day!"

The three oldest brothers and their Sensei swapped wary glances over the youngest turtle's suggestion.

"Uh, does one of you want to tell him, or should I?"

"You go ahead, Donnie. He'll handle it better coming from you." Somehow, Raph managed to choke back his laughter, but it wasn't easy.

"Mikey, I, uh, hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but 'D – Day' is already taken. It's synonymous with the day that Allied forces invaded the beaches of Normandy, France." Though Donnie had tried to break the news as gently as he could, he still saw a look of utter disappointment spread across his younger brother's face when he realized that his innovative name wasn't all that innovative.

"No way, dude! They can't use one of my names! That's plaguerism, and that's . . . well, that's just plain wrong! They're totally gonna have to come up with a different code name!" Crossing his arms in a huff, Mikey made it abundantly clear that he wasn't about to bend on the issue.

Donnie shook his head, clearly exasperated.

"Mikey, the invasion happened back in nineteen-forty-four during World War II. I'm pretty sure that means 'they' have rights on the code name . . . And it's _plagiarism_." Donnie's response was the very essence of sarcasm. He had even put air quotes on the word 'they' and added a little extra scorn on the word plagiarism to stress his point, but that point was ultimately lost on Mikey.

"I know, bro! That's what I thought, too," Mikey said, erroneously thinking that Donnie saying 'And it's plagiarism' meant that he had his brainy brother's full support on his claim that he was being infringed upon copyright-wise. The baby of the family had no idea that Donnie was, in fact, correcting his misusage of the word.

"No, I meant that – " Not even halfway through his sentence, Donnie realized that he was wasting his breath and decided it would be better to just leave things well enough alone. "Ah, never mind."

"All right! D – Day it is!" Came Mikey's overly animated response.

Raph was quick to roll his eyes once again. "You're the dumb one. You know that, right?"

"No! I'm the cute one."

"Cute one, my shell!"

"Dude! There's nothing cute about your shell, Raph!"

If not for Master Splinter standing right beside him, the hotheaded turtle would have tackled his youngest brother for being annoying and forced Mikey to do his bidding until he cried 'uncle.' Instead, Raphael had to settle for making an idle threat.

"Keep it up and I'll personally smack the cute off of you!"

"Whoa! Down, Raph. I think it's about time for supper. We don't want the pizzas to get cold," Leo stated, always trying to keep his brothers focused on the most important task at hand, and in this case, that task just happened to be eating pizza. A very important task indeed.

"Pizza! Aw, yeah, dudes! Family night rocks!" Beside himself with glee, Mikey did a little shuffle step to demonstrate his enthusiasm for the idea.

Donnie, on the other hand, looked anything but excited about the idea as he bounced his uncertain gaze from brother to brother to brother. "Family night? But – But what about patrol?"

"No patrol tonight, Donnie. We're taking the evening off. As team leader, I'm officially declaring this dinner and a movie night." Puffing his chest out in self-importance, Leonardo appeared to be quite pleased with his announcement.

"Pretty sweet, huh, D? We'll even let you pick out the movie, bro! 'Cause I'm totally awesome that way!" Mikey motioned for a high three, but Donnie did not reciprocate. Instead, the smartest turtle bit his bottom lip sheepishly and his expression became that of apprehension.

"Actually, I, uh, kind of already had plans for after supper. I was looking forward to dismantling that new Kraang weapon you guys brought home last night. I'm hoping there are some components that I might still be able to salvage from it. Maybe I can use the technology to upgrade one of my inventions." There was an energized sparkle in Donatello's reddish-brown eyes that his family knew all too well. The genius wasn't just brushing them off this time. He was genuinely excited to play with his new toy.

Though it was good to see the return of that telltale gleam, Donatello's brothers had other plans for him tonight and they weren't about to let him talk his way out of it.

"I thought that might be your response. Heads or tails, Mikey?"

Donnie's eyes widened as he looked over at Raph who had a devilish look in his own eyes that instantly flooded the genius turtle with dread.

 _Heads or tails?_

"What? W – Wait! What do you mean?"

"Tails, bro." A mischievous grin played on Mikey's lips as he approached Donnie and bent over to grab his purple-banded brother by the ankles.

"Mikey! What are you doing?" Donnie screeched, stooping over his little brother and trying to push him away from his legs.

It was at this point that Mikey peered up and winked at Donnie. The youngest turtle's mischievous grin transformed into a pompous one. "Distracting you, bro."

Donatello's eyes then filled with dawning horror when he realized too late that he'd been had. He felt a strong pair of arms wrap around his plastron from behind and he was suddenly yanked off balance. The tallest turtle let out a yelp as he was pulled backwards and his legs were lifted up by his younger brother.

"Take it easy, Donnie Boy. We aren't gonna hurt you. This is for your own good, little brother." If the teasing tone of Raph's voice didn't indicate that he had found Donnie's reaction amusing, the wry smirk on his face did.

"Put me down! Now! Leo! Sensei! Help me!"

Leonardo and Master Splinter both looked off in opposite directions, informing Donatello that the two of them had no intention of helping him. It soon became all too clear to the genius turtle that his oldest brother and father were in on the whole thing.

"Uh, sorry, Donnie. I would . . . but I've gotta, um . . . I gotta go get the plates." The instant Leo finished his rather unconvincing response, he practically sprinted out of the garage.

"And I must get refreshments," Master Splinter added, just as unconvincingly. He then exited the garage at breakneck speed, leaving his most intellectual son trapped in the clutches of his two unruly brothers.

A part of Splinter felt guilty for abandoning his second youngest child in his time of need, but another part of him felt grateful that his sons were finally giving Donatello the attention he so deserved. Even if Raphael and Michelangelo's forceful methods were a bit extreme . . .

"Guys! This is _so_ not funny!" Noticeably irritated, Donnie held out the word 'so' for several extra-long seconds while he frantically tried to free himself.

"Oh, come on, Brainiac. You've gotta admit it's a little bit funny." With a smirk that now stretched the entire span of his face, Raph wrapped his arms tighter around Donnie's plastron in an effort to hinder his movements. Much to Raphael's surprise – and entertainment – his genius brother was putting up a heck of a fight. He had a lot more get-up-and-go in him than Raph had expected. The red-clad turtle could only assume that all of Leo and Donnie's pre-practice sessions had something to do with it.

In the meantime, Donatello continued to growl in disapproval of being manhandled by his two lunkhead brothers.

 _Or would it be turtlehandled?_

"Aw, don't be like that, Donnie. We're just trying to make sure you stay socially active, bro. Remember, D – Day?" Mikey tried and failed to sound all serious as he spoke.

"Well, will you at least let me get cleaned up?"

"Dude, we live in a sewer. A little dirt's not gonna offend us. Chillax, bro."

Donnie sighed and finally ceased his squirming, accepting his fate. He allowed his brothers to carry him out to the couch where the heavenly aroma of two large pizzas from Antonio's filled his nostrils and brought him a sudden sense of inner peace. His stomach grumbled in anticipation of the feast before him and he almost forgot all about just being mauled by his brothers.

Raph sat down next to Donnie on the couch and looked at his younger brother with an apologetic expression. He was slightly nervous about how Donnie was going to react after the hostile takeover. "Sorry about having to hijack you like that, little brother. So, are you and me good here?" Raph pointed to himself, then at Donnie, then back at himself again before adding, "No hard feelings, right?"

"Only if at least one of those pizzas has pepperonis and mushrooms on it." Donnie's witty response probably should have been given an award for outstanding achievements in sarcasm. At the very least, it should have gotten a standing ovation.

"Of course they do. I'm the one who ordered them. And would your favorite big brother ever let you down?" There was a moment's hesitation before Raph grimaced and grunted, "Uh, do me a favor and don't answer that."

The genius turtle let out a shy, little giggle and smiled as his family gathered round. Feeling indescribably content, he leaned back and watched Leonardo dish him up the biggest slice of pizza. Donnie felt warmth radiating all around him, and he knew it wasn't only from the plate his oldest brother had just handed him. It was much, much deeper than that.

Donatello's smile grew to epic proportions, for he now knew without a single doubt that the very best part of getting lost is being found.

* * *

 _ **To be continued . . .**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I know it seems like the story could end right there, but it's not done quite yet. There were still a few things that needed to be resolved, so I wrote a short epilogue. I will try to post it soon. I'm really, really hoping you're all going to enjoy it. ;)**_

 _ **As always, if you like this story or any of my other stories, please take a quick moment to favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment. Even if it's just a word or two to let me know you're still reading. I would truly love to hear from all of you again. Your feedback makes me all kinds of happy. Thank you very much for reading. CJ ;)**_


	43. Epilogue - Back on Top

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Well, here it is. The epilogue of 'Lost in the Fight.' I'm extremely emotional right now, so I'm going to just jump right into it and save the mushy stuff for last.**_

 _ **Thanks so much for reading. CJ ;)**_

* * *

 **Epilogue – Back on Top**

The winter had been especially unkind, in more ways than one. The snow had fallen in record amounts, with more threatening to arrive over the next few days. When the snow wasn't descending upon the city in feet rather than inches, the temperatures descended to all-time lows instead. It had been so cold the past couple of weeks, nightly patrol had to be cancelled six times due to the weather.

Today brought a warm front, and along with it, newly fallen snow, just as forecasted.

Donatello stared out at the fluffy, white powder sparkling in the light reflecting off an overhead billboard sign. To him, the mere sight of snow was far more breathtaking than ever before. Looking down at the rooftop he was presently standing on, the purple-masked ninja wiggled all six of his toes. He could feel the cold nipping at his mostly exposed feet, but he didn't mind. In fact, he welcomed the wondrous sensation. Every aspect of this exact moment was just too surreal. He could have stood in this very spot the entire night and straight on through morning, just taking it all in.

Four months.

Four very long, painful months.

Finally, he had been allowed to go topside once again and it almost felt as good as the first time Master Splinter had permitted them to venture up to the surface.

Donnie sucked in a deep breath, relishing the fresh air filling his lungs with a tingly, cooling sensation that had never felt so good.

As the intellectual turtle lapped in the scenery, he heard his brothers' voices behind him.

"Okay, guys. Do we need to go over the plan again?"

 _Leo . . . always thinking and planning._

"Gee, I don't know, Leo. Are you sure reviewing it seventeen times is enough? Maybe you should repeat it for the eighteenth time. None of us have died of boredom yet."

 _Raph . . . always mocking and complaining._

"Yeah, bro. Wait . . . which plan are we talking about again?"

 _Mikey . . . always . . . well . . . Mikey._

"Mikey!" The two oldest turtles groaned.

Excessively precautious by nature, Leo was about to recite the plan yet again when all three of his brothers held up their hands to stop him.

"I think we've got it, Leo." Donnie made a point of speaking up before Raph could, assuming that his hotheaded brother's comments would not be nearly as polite.

The once confident expression on Leonardo's face suddenly turned uneasy when his gaze landed on his second youngest brother. Leo wanted so badly to share Donnie's eagerness for his return to the surface, but the oldest turtle still wasn't certain his genius brother was ready for this. Yes, Leo and Donnie had trained together for weeks to get the latter turtle back into shape. And yes, Donnie had made great strides in his recovery, but the leader in blue knew his brother was not fully healed by any means. Donnie still walked with a pronounced limp and the mobility in his wounded shoulder continued to be somewhat limited, significantly hindering his ability to wield his bo-staff.

Leonardo wondered if they were doing the right thing here.

Was Donnie _truly_ ready?

Or was it just Leo who wasn't ready?

When Master Splinter had declared Donatello fit to go topside, the oldest turtle had been just as excited about the good news as his brainy brother had been. But now that they were standing on the rooftop, readying for Donnie's first mission since being critically injured, the leader was having serious second thoughts. He wanted nothing more than for Donnie to fight beside them where he belonged, but he couldn't bear the thought of his younger brother possibly getting captured or hurt again.

Not after they had come so close to losing him . . .

Now that Donnie had been allowed to leave the lair, he would be in constant danger. Far more than ever before.

Tiger Claw and Grizzgore were still out there and their orders had been to deliver Donatello to the Shredder. Leonardo wasn't about to let that happen.

But would he and his other brothers be able to protect Donnie at _all_ times?

Would they be able to stop those cold-blooded monsters from getting their paws on Donatello again?

Should they be taking this risk?

As if he could read Leo's troubled thoughts, Donatello stepped forward and gently patted his oldest brother on the shoulder. Unbeknownst to Leonardo, the gesture was actually meant to be a form of payback for all the patting Donnie had been the unhappy recipient of over the past several months. Of course, since the oldest turtle had no clue that the patting he was receiving was strictly intended to be 'pat'ronizing, the point was rather moot.

Still, it somehow made Donnie feel better.

"Leo, I'll be fine. I promise."

"Are you sure you don't want one of us to go with you?" It was at least the seventh time that evening Leo had posed that very same question.

"Yes! I want to do this on my own." As Donnie spoke, he tried to keep any inkling of his rising irritation out of his voice. His eldest brother's lack of faith in him after all the time, sweat, and extra training that they had put in just to get here was dampening what was supposed to be a triumphant moment. A moment that would have never come to be if not for _Leo's_ constant pushing and reassurance.

"Donnie, you don't ever need to feel like you have to prove anything to us. You know that, right?" This was Leo's last ditch effort to get his brother to reconsider, but he should have known better. Having grown up under the same 'roof' as Hamato Donatello, the oldest turtle knew all too well that once his smartest brother's mind was made up, there was no changing it.

"Leo, I need to do this."

Though Leonardo still had his reservations about this whole idea, he could see the determination pouring off Donatello and the blue-masked turtle realized that he had to trust his brother. He owed him that much.

"Okay, but we'll be right here if you need us." There was a slight pause before Leo softly added "always" to the end of the sentence. With that one word, the statement became much more profound.

Donnie gave all three of his brothers a tight-lipped smile, signifying that it was time to put the plan into action.

"Wait, Donnie! Before you go, there's something I've been meaning to give you." With little to no warning, Mikey sprang forward and threw his arms around Donatello, nearly knocking the taller turtle over in the process.

The sudden, unexpected assault of affection from Mikey – though not abnormal coming from the most expressive turtle – still managed to startle Donnie. So much so that he wasn't even sure how to respond. He just froze, paralyzed with shock. His eyes widened and his arms draped awkwardly at his sides as Mikey continued to squish him.

"I still hadn't honored that raincheck for the biggest hug in history, bro," Mikey cooed, squeezing with all his might.

Before Donnie even had a chance to try to hug back, he suddenly found himself wrapped up in a crushing embrace from all three of his brothers. The brainy turtle's smile doubled in size. Sandwiched between the best brothers in the world, he hardly noticed the discomfort their squashing him was causing. At least not until he tried to breathe.

"I love you guys, too . . . but you're suffocating me."

The three brothers released their grips on Donnie and backed away, slightly embarrassed.

"Don't you think you're all overreacting a bit here? Seriously. I'm just going to down there to return the wheelchair you three _stole_." In highly dramatic fashion, Donnie pointed a forefinger at the folded up wheelchair beside them, and then, pointed towards the small clinic across from the building they were currently standing on.

"You're right, Donnie," Came Leo's gallant reply, followed by a proud grin.

Mikey was the next brother to chime in with his usual enthusiasm.

"You totally got this, bro!"

"Yeah . . . would you get going already? The sooner you get this over with, the sooner we can go home. I'm freezing my shell off here," Raph grumbled, but Donnie could see the hotheaded turtle was just as worried about him as his other brothers were. There was an unspoken 'I'll protect you, no matter what, little brother' look on Raph's scowling face.

Donnie nodded at his siblings before hoisting up the wheelchair and making his way down the fire escape.

The three brothers still up on the roof rushed to the ledge of the building and watched Donnie as he safely made his way down to the street below.

A noisy sigh deflated out of Mikey and he bowed his head down. "I'm really gonna miss that chair. I just can't stop thinking about all the good times we had together."

"Why the heck would you miss a wheelchair? What good times are – " Raph stopped mid-sentence and looked daggers at Mikey. "You didn't!"

When Mikey noticed the homicidal glare in his second oldest brother's fiery, green eyes, he quickly ducked behind Leo's carapace.

Raph looked like a volcano about to erupt.

"You used Donnie's wheelchair as a skateboard, didn't you?"

"I couldn't help myself, bro! It was just too tempting. And I didn't take it out of the lair until Donnie didn't need it anymore. Well . . . maybe I did a couple of times. But dude! That thing could grind some serious rails!"

"I'll grind your head!" Raph snarled, punching his youngest sibling in the shoulder extra hard.

Mikey cried out in pain only to be shushed by Leo.

"Pipe down, guys. He's almost there."

The three nervous brothers got into position and collectively held their breath.

* * *

Once he was sure the proverbial coast was clear, Donnie inserted his tension wrench into the keyhole. He then fiddled with the lock until he heard the telltale click of the top pin falling back down, indicating his success. He smiled over his small victory. Yes, he had picked dozens – maybe hundreds – of locks in his lifetime, so it hadn't been all that impressive of a feat, but it still felt good to get back into the swing of things.

Really, _really_ good.

Feeling three sets of eyes upon him, Donnie turned around and gave his concerned siblings the 'thumbs-up' signal to help ease their minds. He could see that all three of his brothers were perched on the edge of the building, watching him like hawks, ready to swoop down at the slightest hint of something wrong.

Amused by his brothers' sudden interest in his every moment, Donnie couldn't stop a smirk from forming across his lips. Now that they knew the Shredder wanted to take him prisoner, Donatello realized that his overprotective brothers were probably never going to let him out of their sights again, and that was okay with him. It made him feel a lot safer about going back up to the surface. Plus, he had to admit, the attention was kind of nice.

The genius turtle opened the door he had just unlocked and slipped into the clinic to finally return what his brothers had 'borrowed.' Sure, they could have brought the wheelchair back weeks ago, but Donnie had insisted on being the one to do it. Not because of his pride or his moral values, like his brothers had assumed. It was actually because he had been trying to buy more time to finish a few upgrades that he had been working on.

Donnie just hoped that whoever had the wheelchair next appreciated the built-in coffee maker and cup dispenser he had installed . . .

 **The End**

* * *

 _ ***Author's Notes: Oh my gosh, this is such a bittersweet moment for me. I have grown so attached to this story. I didn't realize just how heartbreaking it would be to reach the end or how much I'm truly going to miss posting updates. In all truthfulness, I have been dreading this moment for weeks now, but at the same time, I'm super thrilled that I was able to finish the story. Especially with all that has been going on behind the scenes. What an amazing experience this has been from start to finish.**_

 _ **Thank you with all of my heart to everyone who took the time to share this emotional journey with me. I know I have said this before, but I am so very blessed to have so many wonderful readers and friends. Your support and kindness has meant the world to me.**_

 _ **Thank you**_ _ **all**_ _ **a gazillion times over.**_

 _ **A special thanks to Flaux for creating the beautiful cover art for this story. I still can't believe you drew that gorgeous picture for me. I will always cherish it and I will always cherish you, my dear, dear friend. You have been my rock through it all, and without you, we never would have reached this moment. ILY!**_

 _ **Another special thanks to everyone who nominated 'Lost in the Fight' (as well as my other stories) for the 2016 TMNT Universal Fanfiction Competition and to everyone who voted for me. Months later, I'm still blown away by the results and I can't possibly thank all of you enough.**_

 _ **Ugh, are anyone else's allergies acting up right now? It's getting really hard to see what I'm even typing here . . . xD**_

 _ **Anyway, I want everyone to know that I hope to someday add a few bonus chapters to this story, so you might not want to 'unfollow' it just yet. I have had numerous requests to write an April flashback scene, as well as a Casey and Master Splinter one (back when Donnie was 'Comatello'). People have also been asking me for more Grizzgore (aka 'Shreddy Bear'). In other words, there may be more 'LITF' to come. Thanks so much for the reader requests.**_

 _ **If you enjoyed 'Lost in the Fight,' please let me know by favoriting, following, liking, reblogging, reviewing, and/or commenting. I really, really would love to know just how many people made it all the way to the end of the story. I would also love it if you could take a moment or two to let me know what your favorite part/chapter of the story was, just for old time's sake. That would be wonderful.**_

 _ **I want to thank all of you one more time for reading my stories and for sharing your thoughts and encouragement with me, week after week. I appreciate it far more than any of you will ever truly know. You are all amazing and I absolutely adore you. Thank you so much for everything. It's been a quite a roller coaster ride. One that I will never ever forget. Take care, everyone. *hugs* CJ ;)**_


	44. Bonus Chapter 1 - April's Apology

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: I'm back with a new chapter of 'Lost in the Fight.' Yes, you read that right. It does say 'Lost in the Fight!' I warned everyone when I posted the epilogue that I was hoping to someday add a few bonus chapters to this story based on numerous reader requests. Well, this is the first of those bonus chapters. This installment would technically be chapter 19 ½, as it takes place not long after chapter 19, 'Leo's Lullabye.'**_

 _ **I really hope everyone's ready to finally find out how April took the news of Donnie's attack and his consequent coma. I also really hope this chapter is worth the long wait.**_

 _ **Now, before I jump into the new chapter, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who nominated my stories for the 2017 TMNT Universal Reader's Choice Awards. I was**_ _ **totally**_ _ **blown away by the nominations I received. I'm so very grateful to all of you for making me feel so incredibly special. I appreciate your support more than I can ever type. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!**_

 _ **I also need to say a huge thank you to my awesome beta reader, Joanne N. Grey. She's such an AMAZING person. I absolutely adore her!**_

 _ **Okay, onto the chapter. Thank you all so very much for reading.**_ **;)**

 _ **CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 19 ½ – April's Apology ('LITF' Bonus Chapter #1)**

She knew before she even stepped foot inside the lab that she wasn't ready for this. Not necessarily because Donatello's brothers had warned her it was 'really, really bad,' but because she had sensed something was dreadfully wrong well before she had received that gut-wrenching phone call . . .

" _April. It's Raph."_

" _H – Hey, Raph. What's up?"_

" _I, uh . . . I know you're at school and stuff. S – Sorry to bother you. It's just – "_

" _No, no. I'm really glad you called, Raph. Is everything okay? Because I woke up with this awful headache this morning and it just won't go away. I'm scared it might be a premonition of some sort. Are you guys – "_

" _Listen. Something's happened, April. It's, eh . . . I – I think you should come down here."_

" _Why? What is it?"_

" _We just – we just n – need you to come down to the lair."_

" _What aren't you telling me, Raphael? What's happened?"_

" _It's Donnie, April! M – Master Splinter – He said he might not – He said – You need to come down here as soon as you can, okay? Please! We'll explain when you get here."_

" _Raph? Raph!"_

Never in all her life had April ran as fast as she had after receiving that phone call. The memory of hearing rough and tough Hamato Raphael actually crying – not just sniffling but out-and-out crying – was still ringing in her brain.

The not knowing what had happened to make Raphael lose it like that had pushed April onward at unprecedented speed; her heart pounding in time with her panicked footsteps. At least it had right up until she had reached the entrance of the lair. That was when her rampantly beating heart had all but stopped.

The first thing April had spotted when she pushed through the turnstiles was Mikey, curled up on the couch, pulling his knees tightly into his chest. The next brother she had noticed was Raphael, who was pacing the floor, clearly a nervous wreck. Finally, her eyes had landed on Leonardo, who was sitting on the stairs that led to the lab, hunched over and staring blankly at the floor.

The looks on all their faces had told her exactly what she didn't want to know.

Her premonition had been spot on.

Something horrible had happened to Donnie. Something so horrible, his brothers couldn't even look her in the eyes.

The conversation that had followed her arrival had been an excruciatingly painful one . . .

" _Would someone_ _ **please**_ _tell me what's going on here? Where are Donnie and Master Splinter?"_

" _They're in the lab."_

" _Doing what? Are they okay, Leo?"_

" _Sensei's fine . . . Well, not exactly fine. None of us are, actually . . . "_

" _What's that supposed to mean? What the heck is going on? What happened to Donnie?"_

" _He got hurt."_

" _But he's gonna be okay, right?"_

" _It's bad, April. Really, really bad."_

After that, the fiery redhead had insisted on seeing Donatello, _immediately_.

That had been approximately five minutes ago. That was how long it had taken her to finally convince Leonardo that she should be allowed inside the laboratory.

Now, as she slowly approached the cot where Donatello laid frighteningly still, she wasn't so sure that she had made the right choice.

She felt as though her legs were about to give out underneath her.

"Oh my God!" April's unsteady hands flew up to her mouth to muffle a majority of what she had just gasped out. Her bright, blue eyes quivered with tears that were already starting to spill down and stain her pale cheeks. "Wh – What happened to him?"

Master Splinter's somber gaze remained fixed on Donatello. He didn't even seem to acknowledge April's presence. She wondered if that was because he was in shock or if he was trying to hold back the pain. Maybe it was a combination of both.

"He was attacked by a couple of Shredder's sidekicks. Tiger Claw and some . . . some new mutant that called himself Grizzgore." The animosity in Leonardo's tone was completely foreign to April. She had never heard him sound so resentful, but at the same time, she had never seen so much fear residing in his eyes. His hands and shoulders were shaking like leaves and his face was more ashen than green.

He was terrified. Terrified he was going to lose his brother.

So was April.

"Somebody please tell me this looks worse than it is."

Pressing his lips into a grim line, Leo just shook his head in response. Tears began to darken the indigo fabric of his mask, yet again, as he looked down at his wounded brother. The oldest turtle then fled the lab without so much as a warning.

Seeing Leonardo cry made it impossible for April not to do the same. She covered her mouth with her hands once again and let out a grief-stricken sob. It took a good minute for her to regain her poise enough to step up beside Donatello's cot. The closer she moved towards him, the more her heart ached.

It looked like there wasn't an inch of him that wasn't either badly wounded or heavily bandaged. All the swelling and contusions made him nearly unrecognizable, save for the gap in his teeth.

April reached out a delicate hand and softly caressed Donatello's less bruised cheek, being careful to avoid bumping the oxygen mask strapped around his head. She could feel the heat radiating from his skin against her fingertips and she couldn't help but cringe.

"Oh, Donnie. What'd they do to you?"

Watching April gaze down at his second youngest son so tenderly made Master Splinter's whiskers twitch up and down in obvious contemplation. Perhaps his second youngest son's seemingly unrequited affections for the teenage girl were not so unrequited after all.

 _Most curious_ . . .

"April, I need to gather some medicinal herbs from my room. Would you mind sitting with Donatello for a moment? I am sure he would be most pleased to hear the sound of your voice."

"Do you think he can hear us, Master Splinter?" The innocence in April's tone as she asked this question made Splinter's breath hitch. He rested a paw on his wounded son's feverish forehead and sealed his eyes shut for a moment, just listening to the sound of the heart monitor in the background. While his other sons complained about the noise, Master Splinter found it soothing, for each steady beep ensured him that his child was still with them. How grateful the troubled father was for that.

"Yes, April . . . I truly believe he can." With that said, Master Splinter turned and abruptly left the lab on silent feet. He was trying desperately to hide his pain, but April could see him wiping his eyes as he walked away. She knew he had to be dying inside. They _all_ had to be.

She understood the feeling far too well.

Seeing Donnie like this . . .

It was like every last bit of air had been sucked right out of her while her whole world came caving in.

Edging closer to the cot, April continued to pet Donatello's face with one hand while brushing away her tears with the other. All those times she had wondered what Donnie actually looked like without his trademark purple mask on, this wasn't how she was supposed to find out. This was the worst possible way imaginable.

 _Okay, keep it together, April. Master Splinter said he can hear you, right? You can't lose it now._

Though April cleared her throat several times before actually speaking, it still sounded as though something was obstructing her airway.

"H – Hey, D. It's me . . . April."

Donatello's only response came in the form of a sickly, wheezing noise, indicating that April wasn't the only one having a tough time breathing. That probably explained the oxygen mask affixed to Donnie's face, but it didn't explain all the other things wrong with him. April found herself wishing that Master Splinter would have stuck around a bit longer. She had more questions than answers at this point, but perhaps that was for the best. A part of her didn't want to know just how extensive the damage was. She had already seen firsthand what the truth was doing to the rest of them. She could still hear Raph's frightened voice cracking into the phone . . .

" _It's Donnie, April! M – Master Splinter – He said he might not – He said – You need to come down here as soon as you can, okay? Please! We'll explain when you get here."_

The moment Raphael had revealed it was Donatello that had him so upset, April had gone completely numb. Yes, her senses had already told her that something had happened to Donnie well before she had even received that phone call, but hearing Raph actually say the words aloud still came as a total shock to the system and she had been running on autopilot ever since. Like all of this was a bad dream she was simply going to wake up from. But now that she was standing right next to Donnie, she no longer felt numb. All the feeling had returned to her body, tenfold, and it hurt.

It hurt far more than she could bear.

Why did it have to be _him_?

"Donnie, if you can hear me, please say something. J – Just to let me know you're listening."

April waited a full minute for a noise other than the heart monitor and Donnie's ugly breathing to sound out, but it never came. Swallowing down a sob that kept trying to escape, the teenage girl attempted to put up a brave front, but her composure was fading fast.

"Okay, you don't have to talk. But if I find out that you're doing this just to get out of helping me with my homework this weekend . . . "

The comment had been meant to lighten the mood, but as soon as the words had parted from April's lips, she was struck by a rather painful memory from just a couple weeks ago.

One she would have gladly left in the past . . .

* * *

" _Arrrrggghhhhh! I'm never gonna get this, am I? I mean, this whole sine, cosine, tangent thing is turning my brain into mush! This is sooooo stupid! Why do I even need to know this stuff? It's not like I'm ever gonna use it again after I graduate!"_

" _Don't worry, April. You'll get it. I know you will. Now, let's try that last equation again." Scooping up the number two pencil April had dropped during her little rant, Donnie gently placed the writing utensil on top of the homework assignment the two of them had been working on for the past three and a half hours. His soft smile was the very epitome of patience, as always._

 _Honestly, she didn't know how he could do it._

 _How could someone actually enjoy doing homework?_

 _Blowing a stray tendril of her red locks out of her big, blue eyes, April glared down at the pencil and twisted her lips into a half scowl, half pout._

 _The genius turtle did his best not to chuckle over just how childish she was acting, figuring she was already agitated enough as it was. There was no sense in risking his life over a couple of trigonometry problems._

 _Another sigh deflated out of April. It was about the fiftieth one in the last twenty minutes. Donatello was beginning to suspect she had sprung a slow leak._

" _You have no idea how lucky you are that you don't have to deal with high school."_

" _Oh, I don't know about that." A sad expression made its way across Donatello's face, but April managed to miss it. Her droopy-eyed gaze was still fixed on her homework assignment. Had she actually seen the expression, chances were, she would have immediately dropped the subject._

 _As it was, she hadn't . . ._

 _It was something she would regret for a very long time._

" _No, seriously. You don't ever have to stress out about assignments or tests or dating."_

" _You're right. I only have to worry about alien invasions, homicidal mutants, and saving the world. Nothing all that important." The smirk that accompanied Donatello's comments made April playfully roll her eyes. Sometimes, Donnie was too much of a smart-aleck for his own good._

" _You know what I meant, D. High school is just – ahhh, it's just so stressful. Everybody's totally obsessed with being cool or going on and on about who's dating who. It's all one big popularity contest. Ugh! It drives me nuts! Sometimes, I wish I could just hang out with you guys all day long."_

 _Folding her arms across the top of Donnie's desk, April leaned forward and rested her forehead on her wrists for dramatic effect. That quarter of theater was really starting to pay off._

 _As much as Donnie loved the thought of April becoming a permanent resident of the lair, the logical side of him was quick to dismiss the idea._

" _Yeah, I bet your dad would just love that. I'm sure it's every parent's dream to have their child drop out of high school and start living in the sewers with four talking turtles and a giant rat."_

 _Donnie gave April a little nudge on the elbow, hoping to raise her spirits. No such luck._

 _Letting out yet another sigh, the teenage girl lifted her head back up so Donatello could see just how exasperated she was at the mere mention of her father._

" _Uhhh, don't even get me started on my dad. If he had his way, I'd never be allowed to leave the house. Ever since we changed him back to a human, he's been super paranoid about everything. And I_ _ **mean**_ _everything! Like there's this big school dance coming up in a few weeks, and all my friends are going, but my dad doesn't think I should go because he's all worried the Kraang will go after me or something."_

" _Well, maybe you just need the right date. I happen to know a guy who's tall, handsome, not to mention incredibly intelligent. And, as an added bonus, he's also a highly skilled ninja with a wicked sense of humor. So . . . What do ya say? Would you like me to accompany you to the dance, milady?" It was a shameless and hopelessly cheesy plug. Donnie was well aware of that, but he figured it couldn't hurt to try._

 _He figured wrong . . ._

" _Are you kidding me? If I showed up to the dance with you on my arm, my friends would totally freak out and run off screaming. I don't think – " April stopped mid-sentence when she noticed that Donnie suddenly looked as though someone had just broken his best chemistry set._

 _Several seconds too late, April finally realized how inconsiderate she had just been. Not only had she shot down Donnie's thoughtful offer, but she had also insinuated that he was some kind of hideous monster._

 _Could she have possibly been any more insensitive? Sheesh! Even Raph and Casey had more tact than that._

 _Poor Donnie had just spent most of his evening helping her with her homework and April had repaid him by saying his appearance would make her friends run away screaming?_

 _If the high schooler could have snapped her fingers and made herself disappear, she would have done so in a heartbeat. The miserable, puppy dog eyes staring back at her made April feel about two inches tall._

" _I am so sorry, Donnie. I didn't mean it that way."_

" _It's okay, April. I know what you meant."_

 _Donatello's gaze fell down to his lap in a subtle attempt to avoid eye contact, but the way his shoulders drooped down betrayed his sadness, making April somehow feel even smaller than before._

" _No!_ _It's not okay, Donnie! It was an awful thing to say. I'm really, really sorry."_

 _With a shake of his head, the genius turtle tried to downplay the situation. The last thing he wanted was for April to feel sorry for him. That only made it sting all the more._

" _You don't have to apologize, April. Everything you said was true. People are scared of what they don't understand. It's just that – Well, sometimes, the truth hurts."_

" _Those people don't know you, Donnie. They don't see what I see when I look at you."_

" _A big, green mutant with a stick?" The blatant usage of sarcasm was Donatello's automatic defense mechanism and it did an admirable job of disguising his pain. Had April looked just a little bit closer, she would have seen right through the mask that the genius turtle wore. Not the purple one, but the intangible one that hid his emotions from the world._

 _The one that deliberately stopped everyone from getting in . . ._

" _Well, yeah, but there's – "_

 _Donnie held up a hand to politely wave off the remainder of April's sentence._

" _You know what? I'm beginning to think you're doing all this just to get out of doing your homework. Nice try, O'Neil, but I'm onto you. Now, let's get back to work. You and I both know these equations aren't gonna solve themselves."_

 _Face blushing redder than her hair, April giggled and flashed Donatello a dazzling smile that instantly began to melt away the hurt inside. She then grabbed her pencil and the two of them settled in, readying to hit the books yet again. But despite Donnie's best efforts to pretend like nothing had happened, April couldn't help but notice that he seemed more distant the rest of the evening. She wanted so much for him to open up and say something about it, but he never did._

 _Just like_ _ **always**_ _, he never did._

* * *

There were so many things April should have told Donnie that night, or any other night, for that matter. So many things she wanted him to know, and now, she may never get the chance to tell him.

If he didn't pull through . . .

April shook her head in denial.

He was going to pull through. He _had_ to pull through.

She couldn't lose him.

"Please don't . . . please d – don't leave me, Donnie."

Breathing in shuddering sobs, April felt heavy tears roll down her cheeks and dribble off her chin as she leaned in closer to Donatello so that only inches separated their faces.

"What am I supposed to do without you, huh? You're my best friend, Donnie. I care about you . . . m – more than you'll ever know. You're the one person I can always count on . . . n – no matter what. I – I – "

The words she so desperately wanted to say were once again trapped in her throat. The same three little words she had tried to tell him so many times before, but they would never come. All those other times, she had not been ready to tell him how she truly felt. But now that he was lying here, fighting for his life, she felt like telling him would be selfish. Like she was just telling him what he wanted to hear because she was scared of losing him.

If only she would have told him before . . .

What if she was too late?

 _Please, God, don't let me be too late . . ._

"Y – You remember that time you asked me to the dance and I said no? Well, I was an idiot, Donnie. A total, complete idiot. No girl in her right mind would ever say no to you. You're the sweetest, smartest, kindest, most thoughtful person I know."

There was a long, deliberate pause that followed that last line. Struggling to hold herself together, April had to swallow several times before she could find her voice again, but it still came out just a hair above a whisper.

"When I look at you, I don't see a mutant. I see the most amazing person I've ever met. Everything about you is beautiful, Donnie . . . inside and out. I'm sorry I didn't say all these things to you before. I should have." Stopping to draw in a shallow breath, April somehow forced herself to continue. "The truth is, I don't deserve you. But if you're still willing to accompany me to the dance, I'd be honored if you'd be my date. But first, you have to open your eyes for me, okay? Come on, D. You don't want to break my heart here, do you?"

Bending over Donnie's still unresponsive form, April planted a tender kiss on his forehead. Her lips lingered against his feverish skin for several, long-drawn-out seconds, as though she was afraid to let the physical contact end. When she finally pulled away, she couldn't stop herself from breaking down.

A part of her had foolishly thought that Donnie would respond to her earnest pleas. That the kiss she had just given him would magically wake him up, like some sort of fairytale. But it didn't. Much to her agony, he remained completely comatose.

"D – Donnie, p – please! Wake up! Wake! Up! I – I can't – I – I – " Overwhelmed with emotion, April rushed out of the lab as fast as her wobbly legs would carry her.

She couldn't look at Donnie like that anymore.

It was too much to take.

The moment April burst through the lab doors in tears, Donnie's brothers froze with horror, immediately thinking the worst. For several panic-filled seconds, they just stared straight ahead like three deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming vehicle, until Leo was eventually able to summon enough air to speak.

"April! What happened?"

"N – Nothing. I just – I – I h – had to – H – He's – Oh G – God – " April's incoherent stammering trailed off into quiet sobs.

All too familiar with that feeling of utter hopelessness, Leo placed a hand on April's shoulder to comfort her. He then lowered his head and marched towards the lab on downtrodden feet.

Raphael was the next brother to react.

Eyes glistening with thick tears he stubbornly refused to let fall in front of April, the hotheaded turtle spun on his heels and stomped towards his room to fall apart in private.

The heartbroken teenage girl just stood there and continued to softly cry, but she soon felt two arms wrap around her from behind and pull her into a gentle hug.

"Oh, M – Mikey." Turning to face the youngest turtle, only to see that he, too, was bawling, April threw her arms around him and buried her face into the crook of his neck.

"I know, April. I'm s – scared out of my mind, t – too."

The two friends just held onto each other for dear life, both praying for the exact same thing . . .

 _Please, bring him back to me._

 _ **To be continued…?**_

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: Oh my gosh! I can't believe it's been over 7 months since I last updated this! I miss this story so much. I have to admit, this chapter was an extremely emotional one for me to write. Not just because of the content, but because this story holds such a special place in my heart.**_

 _ **I sure hope everyone liked this new chapter. I'm grinning from ear to ear and tearing up at the same time as I type these notes. So many wonderful memories . . .**_

 _ **Okay, pull yourself together, CJ.**_ **XD**

 _ **If you enjoy this story, please take a moment to**_ _ **favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment. I would absolutely love to hear from all of you again. It would be just like old times.**_

 _ **Thanks, again, to everyone who nominated my stories for the 2017 TMNT Universal Reader's Choice Awards. There are no words to truly express how much I appreciate your nominations. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for making 'Lost in the Fight' my most popular story. I also want to thank everyone who has read and provided feedback on my other stories as well. Your continued support means the world to me. I am so tremendously blessed to have so many amazing friends and readers. You are all incredibly special to me. *hugs times a million***_ **;)** _ **CJ**_


	45. Bonus Chapter 2 - Casey's Confession

_***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise.**_

 _ ***Author's Notes: Today marks the one-year anniversary of me posting the epilogue of 'Lost in the Fight.' In honor of the special occasion, I've returned with a new bonus chapter and this one is yet another tearjerker.**_

 _ **I had numerous requests for a Casey flashback scene and I have to admit I loved the excuse to add another chapter to 'LITF.' This installment takes place between chapter 20 ('Raph's Regrets') and chapter 21 ('Mikey's Mistakes'), so I guess that makes it chapter 20 ½.**_

 _ **Oodles and oodles of thanks to my amazing creative consultant, Captain Vegeta, and my equally amazing beta reader, Joanne N. Grey. Without these two girls' help, I wouldn't be posting.**_

 _ **I hope everyone likes this new part. Thank you for reading.**_ **;)** _ **CJ**_

* * *

 **Chapter 20 ½ – Casey's Confession ('LITF' Bonus Chapter #2)**

The lab doors seemed heavier than normal.

Actually, the whole lair did…

From the moment Casey Jones had stepped foot through the turnstiles, he had felt this sinking feeling. Almost like someone had kicked gravity up a couple notches or secretly added weights to his pockets when he wasn't looking. Either way, things didn't feel right.

There had been no one around to greet him when he arrived. Normally, at least one of the brothers would be hanging out in the main living space of the lair, playing video games or watching TV, but the room was completely vacant. There were no sounds of sparring coming from the Dojo or chattering from the kitchen to indicate that anyone was close by. It was as though the place was completely empty, but Casey knew better.

The family hadn't left the lair for days now. Not since the night of the attack, or so Casey had been told. Everything he knew about the incident was based on hearsay at this point. He hadn't actually gone down into the sewers since _it_ had happened. Not because he didn't want to be there for his friends. It was nothing like that at all. It was just that every time he thought he'd gotten up the guts to go see them, he wound up chickening out at last second and going back home with his hockey stick hung between his legs.

For reasons he didn't want to admit, he just couldn't bring himself to face his friends. At least, not until today, when he received word from April that there were finally some signs of improvement. This small bit of good news gave Casey just the boost of courage he needed to make an appearance.

Although, now that he was standing there, listening to the faint sound of a heart monitor drifting out from inside the laboratory, he wasn't so sure it was enough courage.

He knew this was going to be difficult...

Too many memories...

Doing his best to suck it up, Casey pried the lab doors open just far enough so he could slide his thin frame through. Once inside the lab, he found Raphael stooped over in a chair, resting his head on the edge of the cot his wounded brother was laid out on.

It was then that reality hit the lanky teenager like an extended cab pickup truck hauling a half-ton of bricks.

"Oh, man. Red told me it was bad, but – " The sentence was just left hanging for lack of words. Granted, Casey had a rather limited vocabulary in the first place, but even if he was some kind of scholarly-type whiz kid with a full grasp on the English language, Casey was fairly certain he still wouldn't be able to describe what he was seeing. It was way worse than he had pictured in his head, and he had seen some pretty gruesome stuff in his day.

Donnie looked like someone had clubbed the living heck out of him with a sledgehammer. Every part of the genius turtle that Casey could see was either bruised or bandaged.

Dragging his feet along, Casey slowly approached the cot. His awkward movements made it look as though some unseen force was trying to hold him back, almost like he was possessed, but Raphael never even noticed Casey's strange behavior. His just kept his forehead pressed against the mattress. Well, up until Casey finally spoke.

"How's he holding up?"

The question instantly made Raph's spine straighten so he was sitting bolt upright.

That's when Casey saw Donnie wasn't the only brother in tough shape. The rims of Raphael's puffed-up eyes matched the color of his mask, but Casey was currently more focused on the anger emerging in the fierce, green orbs glaring at him.

"How's it _look_ like he's holding up?"

There was far more bitterness in Raph's tone than Casey had expected. Sure, Raph was always a bit of a... hothead, but Casey had mistakenly assumed his friend would be more down in the dumps than up in arms.

"Uh, is somethin' wrong, Raph?"

"Did you seriously just ask me if something's wrong?" With a mix of incredulity and aggravation written on his face, Raph flicked his wrist at his unconscious brother to stress that there was indeed something very, _**very**_ wrong.

For a second, the temperamental turtle wondered how his friend could possibly be so insensitive, but then, he remembered this _was_ Casey Jones he was talking to.

 _Duh_!

"Sorry. Stupid question. My bad."

"It's been six days, Casey. I sent you like a dozen messages. Where the shell have you been?" There was a sharp edge to Raphael's voice, but it projected more hurt than anger. Casey figured it probably wasn't an appropriate moment to point out that Raph had only texted him four times. Not unless he wanted to end up like poor Donnie.

"I – I know, man. I've just been – " Once again, words failed him. Casey just stared at Raph, slack-jawed and uncharacteristically mute.

"You've just been what? Too _busy_ to come down here? Like you had more _important_ things to do? Do you have any idea how hard this has been?"

The last question caused the black-haired teenager to dip his head down, just trying to focus on anything other than his red-masked friend's accusing eyes.

Casey totally understood why Raph was so upset, but Raph literally had no clue why Casey was.

What the turtle in red didn't realize was that Casey knew far too well just how hard it had been.

"Well, aren't you gonna say something?" All the rage currently pouring out of Raph was nothing more than a false front. A means of hiding what he was really feeling inside: fear.

"I'm sorry. It's – It's complicated, okay?"

"Complicated? Your I.Q. is lower than your shoe size! How complicated can it be?"

Though he never considered himself to be the most perceptive guy on the planet, Casey immediately recognized that Raph was doing everything in his power to push him away. Grief was funny that way. Just when you need someone the most, you choose to shut everyone out. Casey had been guilty of the same thing. Hence the reason he wasn't so easily dissuaded.

Raph could insult him all he wanted; Casey wasn't going anywhere. He would never flake out on his best friend like that.

"Dude! That was way harsh, yo."

Voice adopting a slightly teasing tone, Raph showed his first sign of softening. "What can I say? The truth hurts."

"Yeah, well it's a good thing I got big feet or you might've hurt my feelings."

A short laugh followed Casey's comment, but the moment Raphael's eyes made their way back to Donnie, the mood turned somber once again.

"Hey, why don't you take a little break? You look like crap." Never one to mince words or hold back punches – especially around Raph – Casey had no qualms with being brutally honest. And, as Raph had just so aptly pointed out, the truth hurts.

"Look who's talking."

"I'm gonna let that one slide 'cause I'm such a stand-up guy. Seriously, though. I can totally keep an eye on Donnie while you go grab a bite to eat or something."

"I – I guess I could use a bathroom break. But if _anything_ happens while I'm gone..." Those last words would normally have come off as a threat from the temperamental turtle, but the way Raphael had spoken them was more of a plea. He wasn't promising violence if something happened. He was asking out of genuine concern for his brother.

"I swear I'll yell super loud if anything changes."

There was no mistaking the sincerity in Casey's tone, but Raph still had his reservations. It wasn't like Casey had the greatest of track records when it came to being responsible, after all.

"You're sure you can handle this?" The fact that Raphael hadn't even bothered to get up out of his chair spoke volumes about his faith in Casey.

"Dude, I think you can trust me to watch your bro while you take a leak! Sheesh, I'm not that useless, am I?"

A smirk instantly played on Raph's lips, informing Casey he didn't want to hear the answer to his question.

"You know what? Forget I asked."

Finally, Raphael decided to take Casey up on his offer, if only to give his stiff muscles a chance to move around some. It had been a _long_ shift.

The red-masked turtle gingerly pushed himself up to his feet and headed straight for the doors, casting one last skeptical glance over his shoulder before leaving Casey and Donatello alone in the lab.

Once Raph was out of sight, Casey lightly shoved aside the chair his friend had just vacated so he could stand right next to the cot.

Now that he was up close to the wounded turtle, a lump started to solidify inside Casey's throat, but he somehow managed to speak around it.

"H – Hey, Don. Uh, sorry about not comin' sooner to visit. April... She, um, says you're doing a little better."

Peering down at the genius turtle's broken and battered figure, Casey shuddered at the thought of Donatello's current condition being better than it was before.

 _How's that even possible?_

For all his imagination, Casey couldn't fathom what worse must have looked like. It was no wonder Raph was such a wreck.

"Boy, those jerks sure did a real number on you. I bet your brothers went totally nuclear when they found you like that, huh?"

The moment turned awkward when it dawned on Casey that he was essentially talking to himself, but he continued to speak regardless. Running his mouth had always been a nervous habit of his.

"I'm sorry, Donnie. I, uh… I don't really know what to say here. I'm just no good at this sort of stuff, you know?"

The irony of that last statement was not lost on Casey.

He knew there was only one person in the lair who actually realized what he was going through right now. One person who truly understood why Casey was having such a tough time dealing with what had happened.

Sadly, that one person was Donatello...

* * *

 _The emergency lighting inside the lab had been kind of soothing. Not necessarily the soft radiance emanating from above like moonlight, but rather, the steady humming that the overhead bulbs produced. For reasons he couldn't really explain, the noise took a bit of the edge off, helping him to finally relax._

 _That is until someone just had to go and ruin it._

 _He heard the distinct sound of the doors sliding open just before he was blinded by the remaining lights inside the lab. Hissing at the unexpected intrusion, he shielded his eyes as though someone was shining a thousand-watt spotlight in his face._

" _Casey? What the heck are you doing in here?"_

" _Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" To accompany his prolonged shushing sound, Casey held a forefinger to his lips, stressing the need for silence. He then vigorously motioned for Donnie to close the doors behind him._

 _A part of Donatello was tempted to call out to the others, while another part of him was dying to know what exactly this was all about. Curiosity got the better of the intellectual turtle, as always._

 _Pulling the lab doors shut, Donnie turned to give Casey a look that demanded an immediate explanation or there would be shell to pay._

" _This isn't what it looks like!" It wasn't the first time Casey Jones had uttered that exact same line and it most certainly wouldn't be the last. Of that the genius turtle had no doubt._

 _Folding his arms across his plastron and narrowing one eye skeptically, Donatello spoke in the most sarcastic of tones. "You were sitting in my chair in front of my computer screen, alone in the dark with a flush face and your hands under the desk, so you can only imagine how relieved I am to hear this isn't what it looks like."_

" _Dude!" Mouth gaping open, Casey looked as though he had been genuinely offended by the comment, which up until this point, Donnie would have never thought possible._

" _So, would you mind telling me why it is you're hiding out in_ _ **my**_ _lab?" There was heavy emphasis placed on the word 'my,' letting Casey know that the invasion of Donatello's perceived personal space was not appreciated._

" _Whoa! Chillax, bro." Hands held out in front of him like he felt the need to defend himself, Casey shifted anxiously in the chair the brainiac turtle normally occupied. The way Donnie was glaring at him was making Casey more than a little nervous. It was a good thing looks couldn't actually kill. "I didn't mess with your stuff or anything. I was just taking a timeout. I told you guys I'd be right back."_

" _That was like twenty minutes ago! We all just assumed you went home." Realization washed over Donatello's face and his eyes widened with dread. "Wait! Have you been in here the whole time?"_

" _Don't tell the others, okay?" Again, Casey was signaling for silence, and again, Donatello had no idea why._

" _Don't tell them_ _ **what**_ _? That you've been holed up in my lab, avoiding everyone?" Placing his hands on his hips, Donnie began to tap his foot to demonstrate his growing impatience. He was just seconds away from grabbing Casey by the scruff of the neck and throwing him out._

" _It's not like that, yo! I wasn't avoiding anyone."_

" _So, what? You just came in here to conduct a few experiments? Maybe combine some unstable chemicals or do a little advanced research?"_

 _Casey's head dipped down as he grunted out the word, "No."_

" _Then, why_ _ **are**_ _you in here, Casey?"_

" _I told you, I needed a timeout."_

" _Why would you need a timeout? We were all just hanging out on the couch, watching TV. It wasn't like we were doing anything that necessitated a break."_

 _It was evident that Donatello wasn't going to let up anytime soon. He never did._

 _Casey had no choice but to come clean._

" _Fine! It was 'cause I didn't wanna see the rest of the movie, okay?"_

" _Why?" Beak crinkled up with confusion, Donatello stared at Casey, waiting for an answer the human boy wasn't forthcoming with. Instead, Casey just hung his head down even further and turned his gaze away from Donatello's in an obvious effort to escape all eye contact._

 _The timid reaction instantly sparked Donatello's interest. Casey Jones was a lot of things, but bashful was most definitely not one of them. Something had clearly gotten him upset. The genius turtle quickly thought back to movie they had been watching and what scene had been playing when Casey had gotten up and left. It had been during one of the sadder parts of the film. The part where the main character's mom –_

 _Donatello's eyes suddenly grew three times their normal size when he realized what had made Casey leave. Of course, now that the intellectual turtle understood that it had something to do with Casey's mom, he didn't know what to say. An uncomfortable silence fell over the lab as both teenagers' eyes wandered around the room, searching for something to land on._

 _After a gruff clearing of his throat, Casey's voice sounded out, but it was thin and dull. Almost unrecognizable. "A few years back, my mom started to get these wicked bad headaches. Like 'she couldn't even get out of bed to go to work' bad." Casey's gaze gradually rose to meet Donnie's now sympathetic expression, which only sufficed to make the confession that much more difficult._

" _So, uh, my dad brought her in, and next thing we knew, they were telling us she had stage four brain cancer. The doc said they couldn't operate 'cause the size and location of the tumors. All they could do was try to shrink 'em."_

" _I – I'm sorry, Casey. I truly am." These words seemed rather empty and hollow in light of what Casey had just disclosed, but Donatello didn't know what else to say. This was the first time Donnie had ever heard Casey speak of his mother or talk about something serious like this, so the genius turtle was at a complete loss for how to handle the situation. He and Casey didn't exactly have good rapport. Mostly, they just got on each other's nerves._

 _Rubbing the back of his head out of nervous habit, Casey's mouth formed a grimace and stayed that way for several prolonged seconds before he responded._

" _Yeah. Me, too. It was tough. We kept hoping she'd get better... but she never did. The treatments made her sicker than she already was. We basically had to watch her waste away to nothin'." An audible swallow immediately followed Casey's comments and he had to pause for a good thirty seconds to regain his composure._

" _Then, late one evening, the doctor called us up and said that mom... she wasn't gonna last the night, so we rushed to the hospital to be with her." Casey sniffled and hastily dragged the sleeve of his shirt across his glossy eyes before continuing. His voice sounded a bit rougher than before, but still plenty loud enough to hear._

" _When me and my dad and my sister were sitting in that room, waiting for my mom to – for it to happen, I realized that nothing was ever gonna be the same again. I was about to lose my mom and this was gonna be the last time we were all together as a family... for like ever. That hit me hard. Really, really hard. You know what I'm saying?"_

 _All Donatello could do was gently nod his head in response. The extensive vocabulary he had always prided himself on had temporarily abandoned him. He had never seen Casey look so depressed._

" _M – My mom died a few hours later. It was... It was three years ago, today."_

 _A ragged inhale could be heard as Donnie fought tooth and nail to stifle a gasp. He had no idea that was what had happened to Casey's mom. It was no wonder Casey had been upset by the movie. Of all the dumb luck, they just happened to pick a film where the mother died of cancer exactly three years after Casey had lost his own mother to the horrible disease._

 _Even though he hadn't actually been the one who had chosen the movie, Donatello still felt like the world's biggest heel._

" _We didn't know, Casey. We would've never – "_

 _Casey held up a hand to wave Donnie off mid-sentence._

" _How could you know? I never told anyone about it. Not even April."_

" _So... So why did you decide to tell me?" Donnie left the 'of all people' off the end of his question, figuring the baffled look on his face probably implied it. For the life of him, the genius turtle didn't understand why Casey would divulge such personal information to someone he didn't even seem to like. It was no well-kept secret that Donnie and Casey couldn't agree on anything._

" _I don't know. I – I guess I just needed to talk to someone. Besides, if I told April about it, she'd get all emotional and stuff. Raph would probably tell me to just suck it up. Mikey would ask too many questions or wanna hug or something. Leo would just get all weird about it. And Master Splinter's a giant rat, which still kinda creeps me out... so that just left you."_

 _For a moment, Donnie had actually thought that maybe – just maybe – Casey had a good reason for choosing him, but as it turned out, the hockey player simply had no better options._

 _Some things never changed._

" _Gee, thanks." A hint of contempt raised Donnie's tone ever-so slightly, but not enough for Casey to notice._

" _Hey, D. About what I just told you... Promise you won't say anything to anyone, okay? I don't want 'em to know."_

 _Just as Donatello was about to swear on his honor he'd never tell another soul, Raph suddenly came barging into the lab without warning, as usual._

" _Donnie, the stupid VCR ate the tape again! And now, Mikey's having a complete – " Before Raphael could even finish his first rant, he jumped right into a new one when he spotted his best friend sitting in his brainiac brother's chair. "Casey? What the shell are you doing in here? I thought you left!"_

 _Several nonsense syllables sputtered out of Casey as he struggled to come up with a rational explanation for why he was still there, but thankfully, Donnie was quick to provide some much-needed assistance._

" _He did, but then, he came all the way back to the lair just to get his crummy old baseball bat. Apparently, he forgot it in the lab earlier and he didn't trust me with it."_

 _The sincerest of gratitude briefly passed over Casey's features, but he was soon smirking, effectively hiding any remnants of sadness. A moment later, he was clutching the wooden baseball bat Donatello had so conveniently noticed._

" _Crummy? This baby's a classic. Did I ever tell you about the time I took out a dozen Purple Dragons using nothing but this bat and my sheer awesomeness?"_

" _Only about a hundred times." Raph rolled his eyes and let out a low rumble. He then started to walk away, clearly not interested in hearing the story again._

 _Pushing himself up to his feet, Casey stopped his momentum just long enough to mouth the words 'thank you' to Donatello before chasing after Raphael like an excited puppy._

 _Somehow, deep down inside, Casey knew his secret was totally safe with Donnie. Sure, the two of them didn't exactly get along, but Casey wouldn't have told Donnie what he just had if he didn't trust him like a brother. A know-it-all, smart-alecky, pigheaded, pain in the neck brother, but a brother nonetheless..._

* * *

Lifting a shaky hand, Casey outstretched his long, thin fingers and gently placed them on top of the cot, too afraid to make physical contact with Donatello. Like if he actually touched the wounded turtle, the eerie sound of a flatline might go off.

To this day, the memory of that stomach-turning noise still tormented Casey. A phantom ringing in his ears that would forever taunt him. He could still hear the steadily decreasing beeps of his mom's heart monitor suddenly change to that shrill, awful sound. He could still remember holding his mom's hand as it went limp in his own. He could still remember the chill he felt as the life left her withered body.

No matter how hard he tried, he would never ever forget the sound of that stupid flatline blaring out, as if the darn thing was purposely mocking him because he had lost her.

And now, it felt as though Casey was being forced to relive that whole night all over again. Every agonizing moment of it.

The heavy sound of Donatello's congested breathing effectively drowned out the whimper Casey couldn't contain.

"Ahhh, this is so much harder than I thought it was gonna be."

Face blanching to a ghostlike pallor, Casey peered down to see that Donatello's bandaged hand was lying less than inch away from the hockey player's own hand. The sight made Casey jerk his arm away from Donnie, as though he had been badly scalded just from being too close to the turtle.

Casey's bleary stare made its way across the cot to where the heart monitor stood. The heart monitor that he had been trying so desperately to ignore…

While he silently watched Donnie's gasped breaths blip across the screen, a single tear broke free from the rest of the moisture gathering in Casey's eyes, leaving a stain in its wake as it slid down his cheek. He was quick to wipe the remaining moisture away with his clenched hands that he then stuffed inside the pockets of his hoodie, as though he didn't know what else to do with them. His red-rimmed eyes then returned to Donatello, who still hadn't budged.

He just laid there... _dying_.

Just like _her_...

"I – I can't go through this again, Donnie. Please, don't make me."

The slow and steady beeping of the monitor continued to resonate in the background. A stark contrast to the rush of Casey's own heart thrumming inside his head.

"Listen. I know we don't always see eye-to-eye and I'm, uh – I'm always giving you a tough time... but that – that don't mean I don't care about you. Hey, I wouldn't have told you all that stuff about my mom if I didn't.

"I wish you could've met her, Donnie. She was the best. I mean, she had to be. She put up with me, right?" Every word Casey spoke audibly quivered, but there was determination behind them as well. A strange sense of calm momentarily took hold of him. "I bet she would've liked you. She was constantly telling me how I should hang out with guys who got better grades in school. Maybe she thought their smarts might rub off on me or something. Or maybe she was just hoping I wouldn't get sent to the principal's office so much if I hung out with the nicer kids. Believe it or not, I was kind of a handful."

What was supposed to be a short, mirthless laugh sounded more like a painful wheeze; one that would've been more suitable coming from the wounded turtle than Casey himself. The sense of calm from just seconds ago was now slipping through Casey's fingerless gloves like the tide.

"But even though I was always getting into trouble, my mom never ever got mad. No matter how many bad things I did, she always saw the good in me. Like she knew something I didn't.

"She used to tell me a person could do anything if they just put their mind to it, and a part of me actually believed that. Up until the day she... she died."

Pulling his hands out of his shirt pockets, Casey once again wiped his eyes with his still-clenched fists. Not that it did any good. Another layer of tears was just waiting in the wings.

"If a person could do anything they put their mind to, then why'd she leave us, huh? I watched her fight with every last ounce of strength she had, but she still died anyway. And so... I just stopped believing."

Lips pressed into a tight line, Casey reached his hand forward once again and gently wrapped it around Donatello's wrist. As he stood there holding onto the wounded turtle's arm, Casey also held onto his breath for dear life and sealed his eyes shut, terrified of what was going to happen next.

But the sound Casey was dreading never came.

He pried his eyelids apart to see the bright-green line still bouncing across the screen of the heart monitor like it should. Although a part of him was still scared the alarm on the device would go off at any second, he allowed himself to inhale and exhale again. If only to keep himself from passing out.

Leaning over Donatello's disturbingly still form, Casey's pinched expression showed an unlikely mix of sadness, resolve, and desperation. He continued to hold onto the injured turtle's wrist as he spoke in a frail voice that cracked against his will.

"You gotta win this fight and make me believe again, Donnie, 'cause I so wanna believe my mom was right about the whole 'anything is possible' thing. Come on, man. I know how much you love to prove me wrong. Well, here's your chance."

The lack of response was nothing short of devastating, but it didn't stop Casey from his heartfelt pleading. "Please, don't quit on us, Donnie. You hear me? Your family needs you. Don't do this to them. Prove. Me. Wrong. 'Cause if there's anyone who can show me you can do anything if you just put your mind to it, it's you, Donnie. You're super smart, bro. Like the smartest person I've ever met. Not to mention you're stubborn as shell. You got this, D. All you gotta do is focus on getting better, okay? Can you do that for us?"

The sound of footsteps approaching nearly sent Casey into a panic and he instinctively released his grip on the injured turtle's arm.

Clearing his throat of possible obstructions, Casey suddenly spoke to Donatello with an air of confidence that had been missing from the moment Raphael had left the lab. Any signs of discomfort had been deliberately stripped away from the human's voice.

"Plus, you still owe me ten bucks from when you bet me I'd fail my history test last week. Don't think I'm gonna let our little wager slide just 'cause you're in a coma, dude. I worked hard for that D+!"

Pretending as though he had just noticed Raphael enter the lab, Casey cast a quick glance over his shoulder and forced a watery smile for the red-masked turtle coming towards him. Another bogus expression meant to hide the pain, but try as he might, Casey couldn't hide the tears still shimmering in his eyes. Fortunately for him, Raphael was too caught up in his own sorrow to even notice. Although, for a split-second, Casey found himself wishing that his best friend would've picked up on his silent suffering.

Maybe then, Casey wouldn't have felt as utterly alone as he did at that very moment.

 _ **To be continued…?**_

* * *

 _ **Author's Notes: This was such a sad chapter to write. Poor, poor Casey.**_

 _ **In all honesty, I kept waiting for the 2012 show to reveal what actually happened to Casey's mom, but that moment never came, so I decided to try to fill in that blank. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my version will be well received.**_

 _ **Please take a moment to**_ _ **favorite, follow, like, reblog, review, and/or comment on this story if you would like me to continue adding these bonus chapters. I always love hearing from everyone and the feedback is very much appreciated.**_

 _ **Oh, and for all the 'Slash's Revenge' readers, I plan on posting the new chapter next week on the usual day and time. ;)**_

 _ **Thanks so much for reading. *hugs* CJ**_


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